Why stop with just making drugs illegal?

Drugs are illegal because they damage your health, inhibit your ability to function in society and lower your potential in the long run while increasing the likelihood that you’ll commit crime. That pretty much sums it up, right? Well, if those are solid reasons to make drugs illegal then why stop with just criminalizing drugs?

Let’s make it illegal to drop out of school. Uneducated people lack higher level social skills, are less useful to society and are more likely to commit crime. A lack of education is every bit as dangerous as drug use. In fact, if we’re truly concerned with the individual’s welfare (as well as society’s) we would make it mandatory to stay in school through the completion of a bachelor’s degree or at least a trade certificate. If you should go to jail for using drugs then you should go to jail for not having a bachelor’s degree.

While we’re at it we should make it illegal to eat fast food and junk food. McDonald’s food will literally cripple and kill you faster than marijuana, and in the meantime it’ll give you health problems that will rack up extremely expensive medical bills. That’s every bit as tragic as a worst case scenario heroin junky. Obviously, you should go to jail for eating fast food.

Next, we obviously need to make alcohol and cigarettes illegal. They’re drugs. Cigarette packs even say right on the front, “This is poison.” Legal poison hurts you in every way that illegal poisons do. It’s cut and dry hypocrisy to make one poison legal to consume and another illegal. By the precedent we’ve already set, you should go to jail for smoking cigarettes and drinking alcohol.

We also need to make slave wages illegal. Poor people have poor health, low potential and are more likely to commit crimes. If, instead of letting CEOs become obscenely rich off the blood and sweat of slaves, we force CEOs to pay their workers a fair share of their company’s profits then people won’t be so poor. Then they’ll be able to afford better food. They’ll be able to save and invest more, and they won’t have to resort to criminal activity for money. So it should be illegal to pay workers minimum wage.

While we’re at it we should make religion illegal. Religion hinders logical thought, which puts a rock solid cap on people’s potential. It also forces barbarically archaic moral standards onto people that conflict with their natural instincts. As a result it causes undue stress on individuals, which has proven to push people to dangerous ends. Also, since religion divides the world into the wicked and the righteous it inevitably leads to the righteous oppressing the wicked, which is bad enough to begin with but made worse by the fact that religion uses barbarically archaic standards to distinguish who is righteous and who is wicked. Religion flies planes into buildings and gets homosexuals lynched. Bibles are worse for your health than marijuana and should be correspondingly illegal.

Obviously, hand guns and automatic weapons are the next big item. They kill people….and that’s all they do. Granted, not everyone who has a gun is going to kill somebody, but since there will be a few worst case scenarios we should hunt down everyone who has a gun and send them to prison for years where they’ll almost certainly be beaten and raped. While we’re at it we should black list them when they get out so they’ll never get a good paying job again. That will certainly solve the gun problem without causing any other problems.

Let’s add television to the list as well. Television is by and large a waste of time. You get fat and stupid by watching too much TV. This is bad for your health and lowers your potential. Using the same precedent set by drug laws television should be illegal, and people who watch television should be hunted and caged.

What else? Sports. Sex. Aging. Pets. Unkempt houses. Working too much. Asshole bosses. Driving. Hell, we may as well just lock everyone up. We’re all doing something that could hurt us if we take it too far. And since prison doesn’t have any adverse effects on health, happiness or potential then once everyone is locked up in prison then everyone will be healthy, happy and able to fulfill their highest potential both for themselves as well as society.

…or maybe some other judicial reform is needed.

However you felt about this post, you’ll probably feel the same way about these:

Police and the Law

Occupy Wall Street

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