A History of Recent American Culture as Measured by Pop Culture Milestones

This list is generally placed in chronological order. If anything is out of date it should at least be pretty close. If you point out an error I’ll fix it.

  • “Birth of a Nation” – The first major motion picture made in America is a love song to the KKK.
  • The original 3 Star Wars movies – The modern cinema era is born
  • “The Rocky Horror Picture Show” – Someone acted different and got away with it

which led to – Rent

which led to – Brokeback Mountain

  • “Easy Rider”– Someone finally told America that it’s not cool to be a red neck.
  • “Cosmos by Carl Sagan” and “Revenge of the Nerds”– It’s becoming socially acceptable to be a nerd
which led to- Weird Al Yankovich
which led to- They Might Be Giants
and -Mr. Wizard
which led to – Beakman’s World
and – Bill Nye the Science Guy
and – Stephen Hawking’s Universe
and – A Brief History of Time
which led to- The Greatest Show on Earth
which led to- The Magic of Reality
  • “All in the Family”- It’s still socially acceptable for white people to be racist.
  • “We’re Not Gonna Take It.” by Twizted Sisterz and “Girls Just Want to Have Fun” by Cindy Lauper- Told a generation for the first time that being a WASP is no way to go through life.

which led to – “Fight For Your Right to Party” by the Beastie Boys

  • “Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance” – the publishing industry learned how well philosophical snake oil sells. In other words, they learned that if you published psuedo intellectual crap and market it as genuine, quality analysis/information on life people will buy it because they prefer  the cozy Hallmark feeling it gives them to the difficult challenge of digesting meaningful content that pushes them past their current limit.

which led to – the “Celestine Prophecy”

which led to – the “Alvin Maker” series

as well as  – “Waking Life”

which led to – “What the Bleep do we Know”

which led to – “The Secret”

  • The deaths of Jim Henson, Dr. Suess and Mr. Rogers– The world’s top inspirers of children died and left the throne vacant, never to be filled again.

which was proven by – Neverending Story Part 2, 3, 4

and again by – Spongebob Squarepants

  • MTV and Nickelodeon- Kids start taking over the world
  • “Rockula” The future is certainly not turning out the way our grandparents envisioned it.
  • “The Simpsons” – legitimized cartoons as adult entertainment for the first time since pretty much the Flintstones
  • “NWA” (Niggas With Attitude)– Gangsta rap goes mainstream, dooming generations of street kids of every color and nationality to idolize willfully ignorant, insatiably greedy urban barbarians with predictable results
which led to- Dr. Dre
which led to- 2 Pac
which led to- Bone, Thugs in Harmoney
which led to- Kanye West
  • “Vanilla Ice” and “MC Hammer” – broke down racial barriers making it more socially acceptable for white Americans to act black and for black Americans to act white.

which led to – Christina Aguilera

which led to – Marshal Mathers

  • The Black Entertainment Television (B.E.T.) – “Separate but equal” returns
  • “Falling Down” – America admits there are cracks in the foundation

which led to – “Office Space”

which led to- “Workaholics”

  • “Jurassic Park,” and Terminator 2″ – The future is here. Unfortunately, you can only see it; you can’t touch it yet.

followed by – The Matrix and both Final Fantasy movies

  • “MTV’s The Real World” – Reality TV’s hostile takeover of the airwaves begins

followed by – “Survivor”

followed by – Ozzy Ozbourne’s show

followed by – “American Idol”

followed by – “Jersey Shore”

  • “The No Spin Zone” – Orwellian doublespeak has gone mainstream

which led to – Glen Beck

  • “Mortal Combat” – Ultra Violence enters the living room

which led to – “Grand Theft Auto”

which led to – “Hostel”

which led to – all the “Saw” movies

  • “Jerry Springer” and “Natural Born Killers” – Society has officially lost the innocence of youth

which led to – “Ichi The Killer”

which led to- “Old Boy”

  • Metallica sues Napster– A business that has been selling 10 cent widgets to customers for $20s each  for years uses Ronald McMetal as a puppet to declare war on poor children and  the elderly in an attempt to block cultural and technological evolution so they can continue to exploit their customers. Metal is dead; long live corporate consumerism.
  • “Barney” – An answer to the question of whether or not children’s television would be used to provide edifying content or indoctrinate consumerism.
which led to- Spongebob Square Pants
and – Dora the Explorer
  • Matt Parker, Trey Stone and Quinten Tarentino– The kids who are growing up today have proven that they can and will stay kids and have fun while still being successful. The old standards of professionalism pushed down the younger generation’s throats are no longer simply “the way.” They’re starting to become merely one personal choice among many equals.
  • “Friends” –  intellect is to nutrition as “Friends” is to generic TV dinners
which led to- Two and a Half Men
which led to- The Big Bang Theory
  • “What Dreams May Come” – Christianity loses its throne in American culture and gets kicked to the curb

which led to- Stigmata

which led to – Constantine

which led to – that Cold Play song

which led to – House M.D.

  • Jurassic Park” “Forrest Gump,” “Independence Day,” “Titanic” “and “Saving Private Ryan”– Hollywood firmly grasps the Shakespear/Starwars/Spielberg principle, which says that the most successful movies are always about the most epic topics. Plus, all epics are formulaic.

which led to – The Lord of the Rings trilogy being adapted to film

which led to – Avatar

  • “Night at the Roxbury,” the Spartan cheerleader SNL skits and “Dumb and Dumber” – the American people surprise even the sleaziest Hollywood executives with how shockingly low they want the intellectual bar to be set, and the entertainment industry obliges them.

which led to – Kung Pow

which led to – Epic Movie

which will eventually lead to an hour and a half of video of a guy’s ass hole

  • Britney Spears – The new queen of pop blossoms on to the main stage and promptly wilts

which led to – Christina Aguilera, who was a better singer but wasn’t as pretty and acted black and therefore didn’t sell as well

which led to – Jessica Simpson, who sets standards in both beauty and willful ignorance and did sell well even though few people know what she sang

which led to – Miley Cyrus, pop culture’s latest child rape victim

which led to – Lady GaGa, blurring the line between stupidity and insanity

which led to  – Justin Beiber, who is the latest Anakin Skywalker to the pop culture emperor.

  • “Shark Boy VS Lava Girl” – Hollywood stops even trying to make quality children’s movies
  • NSync and/or The Backstreet Boys win a music award– removes all doubt that music awards are rigged by the mainstream music industry and aren’t worth paying attention to
  • “The Blair Witch Project” – Hollywood buys out the Indie movie scene

which led to – Warner Independent

  • “Fight Club” – the day the lost generation started waking up
  • “Scary Movie,” “American Pie,” “Not Another Tean Movie,” – The coming of age of every 80’s coming of age movie, which closed a chapter in every 80’s American child’s life.

which led to – “Euro Trip.”

  • “Lain,” “Akira,” “Pat Labor,” “The Matrix,” “Ghost in the Shell”– The future is here, and it’s not just something pretty to look at now. It’s a part of our thought processes and how we see the world. And by the way, don’t expect the future to be the 1950’s American Dream or an old school Orwellian dystopia. Technology has made things much stranger than that.
  • Anything associated with the Star Wars franchise since Jar Jar Binks was shat into existence– Hollywood stops even trying to make quality blockbuster movies.

which led to – “The Incredible Hulk”

which led to – “X-men 3”

which led to – “Spiderman 3”

which led to – “Pirates of the Carribean 3”

which led to – “Transformers 2”

  • “Stars on the Water” by George Straight- The uncrowned king of country sings a song through an auto-tuner. Pop music has officially killed country.
which led to- Taylor Swift
and- Lady Antebellum
  • “Harry Potter” –The millenial’s “Star Wars”
which led to -Lemony Snicket
which led to -a reboot of the Lion, the With and the Wardrobe series
  • “Under Cover Brother” – It’s okay for African Americans to be racist.
  • “Bad Ass Strippa” by Jentina- This is what happens when impressionable children are raised on bad rap music. We have created millions of people like this.
  • “Idiocracy” – This movie wasn’t a prediction of the future. It was a reflection of the present.
  • “Sopranos” – Confirmation America has no moral compass. That’s not to say the religious wackos were right and America is a Godless den of Satanic hedonism. It’s just to say that America has no moral compass.
which led to- Spartacus: Blood and Sand
which led to – A Game of Thrones
  • “Blood Diamond” and “Hotel Rawanda”– we have openly admitted that the globabl political and economic system is based on slavery, lies, shared delusions, diffusion of responsibility and outright conscious denial

which led to – Thank You For Smoking

which led to- The Hunting Party

which led to – Men Who Stare at Goats

  • “Shreck” – In the same way that the Simpsons made semi-quality TV cartoons appropriate for adults, Shrek made completely mindless movie cartoons appropriate for adults

which led to – G-Force

  • “The God Delusion” by Richard Dawkins and “Letter to a Christian Nation” by Sam Harris- Atheists have the moral high ground over Christianity in popular culture
  • “Twilight” – The consumer has spoken, and the consumer has said, “I celebrate the fact that I’m retarded.”
  • Tokio Hotel– Emo has gone too far.

which led to- more vapid supernatural romance stories to count

  • “Rocky,” “JCVD” and “Rambo” – a proper eulogy to 80s style action movies and an admission that we’ve raised the bar in some ways
  • “Brokeback Mountain” – It’s okay to be gay now
which led to- Glee
  • “The Watchmen” and “V for Vendetta”– a candle of hope that Hollywood can make  quality, intellectually stimulating action movies
  • “Jersey Shore” – We’re beyond the ignorance apocalypse at this point. Now we’re at the stage where fallout mutants maraud across  a barren intellectual wasteland riding road warrior vehicles fueled by stupidity and armed with mounted stupid guns.

which led to – Edible Playdoh

  • “Iron Man”- starring Robert Downey Jr. and “The Dark Knight” starring Christian Bale.- Hollywood surprises the world with quality movies about action heroes hinting that viewers are also becoming more refined.
which led to – “The Avengers” (In which Hollywood served up a muddled plot and superficial character development revolving around a cardboard villain…and the consumers loved it. )
  • “Love Story” by Taylor Swift- The music industry realizes their customers are so stupid there’s no longer any need to even bother fact-check lyrics.
  • “California Gurls” by Katie Perry (featuring Snoop Dog)- Rap has completely sold out to  Pop; NWA’s dream is dead.
  • “Scott Pilgrim VS The World” – Gamers are taking over the world
  • “The Walking Dead”- Zombies go mainstream as kids raised on zombie movies grow up into adults who love zombies. Also, atheism is mainstream cool.
  • “The Hunger Games” – Hollywood makes a movie criticizing how shallow their audience is, and their audience buys all the tie-in merchandise they can afford in an attempt to show off how much they love a movie about how shallow they are.
  • “Domino” by Jessie J.–  The sexual innuendos used in dance music have gotten so transparent they should just be replaced with out-and-out smut.

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