A Brief History of the Working Class

However you felt about this comic, you may feel the same way about these:

Illustrated Parables

State of the Union (short, dark, surreal, articulate political comics)

Full Transcript:

A male and female farmer are standing in a barren, snowy field with Tsar Nicholas II.

ONE DAY IN RUSSIA…

Man: Remind me again why we do all the work around here, and the aristocracy keeps all the money.

Tsar: Because that’s the natural order of things.

Man: Well that excuse just isn’t good enough anymore.

Tsar: And my military will kill you if you don’t.

Man: Wow. Look at the time. Guess we’ll be getting back to work now.

A FEW YEARS LATER…

Man: We’re sick and tired of working ourselves to death while you mismanage the country into the ground.

Tsar: Guards! Guards! Shoot these traitors!

A Russian military soldiers appears.

Soldier: About that. I’m on their side now. It’s time for you to abdicate.

Tsar: Bummer. So who’s going to run the country once I”m out of office?

Man: I don’t know. I guess whoever yells loudest.

Vladimir Lenin appears.

Lenin: Me! Me! Me! Me! Me! Me!

Man: Looks like we got a winner.

Lenin: I’ll make all your wildest dreams come true. Power to the people!

Man: The World is counting on you. So what’s the plan chief?

The Tsar disappears.

Lenin: I’ll just need you to work yourselves to death while I kill everyone who challenges my authority.

Man: Screw this shit. I quit.

Lenin: Guards! Guards!

A Russian soldier appears.

Lenin: In the name of the peasant revolution I want you to shoot these peasants.

Soldier: I hate my job.

JUST THEN…

Lenin: Oh no! I’ve just died of a sudden illness before I had time to implement hardly any real Communist policies!

Lenin falls over dead.

Man: I wonder who’s going to take his place.

Woman: With our luck it’ll probably be the biggest dick head in town.

Joseph Stalin appears. 

Stalin: That would be me.

Man (thinking to himself): Why do tyrants always have ridiculous mustaches?

Man: So what’s your plan, chief?

Stalin: Step one, kill everyone who disagrees with me.

Man: What’s step two?

Stalin: There is no step two.

Man: Screw this. We’re moving to America.

Stalin: But the party’s just getting started!

A FEW MONTHS LATER…

The man and woman are riding on a steam boat past the Statue of Liberty.

Man and woman: Hooray! We’ve made it to the land of freedom and opportunity!

A LITTLE WHILE LATER…

The man and woman are standing in an office. Behind a desk is John D. Rockefeller.

Man: Good day, sir. We need some jobs please.

Rockefeller: Great, because I need people to work themselves to death for me while I keep all the money.

Man: I thought this was the land of freedom and opportunity!?!

Rockefeller: Sure. You’re free to work yourself to death for whatever company you want!

A FEW YEARS LATER…

Man: We’re tired of working ourselves to death for you. We’re going on strike until you treat your workers like human beings.

Rockefeller: Guards! Guards! Beat the crap out of these people.

An American soldier appears.

Soldier: But these are just regular folks.

Rockefeller: No they’re not. They’re a threat to lawful order!

Soldier: You just said the magic words. Here comes the pain train! Choo Choo!

A FEW MONTHS LATER…

Rockefeller: How come you haven’t gotten back to work yet?

Man: We’d rather die. We’re striking until there are some real changes around here.

Rockefeller: What a whiny, self-entitled generation! Fine, you can have a 40 hour work week and safer working conditions.

Man: That wasn’t so hard, was it?

Rockefeller: Shut up and get back to work.

A FEW YEARS LATER…

Man: We got all this money and free time now. We need a house and something to do while we’re off work.

Rockefeller: I’ll sell you a house for twice its advertised price, and I’ll throw in a television.

An old, wooden 1950’s television appears.

Woman: Look at that, honey! It’s just like the Jones’s.

Man: Do you got a deluxe model for sale?

LATER THAT NIGHT…

The man and woman are at home watching television.

Television: Our top story tonight, the country is in a terrible recession. So expect wages to fall and prices to rise.

Man (thinking to himself): What the hell is a recession?

Television: And now, more bad news. Your jobs have just been outsourced to overseas sweat shops.

Man: Damnit!

Television: The good news is that the products you used to make will be cheaper for you to buy!

Woman: Hooray!

Television: The bad news is everything you buy now contains toxic materials and breaks in a few months.

Man: Damnit!

A FEW YEARS LATER…

The man and woman are in their house watching television on a giant flat screen plasma TV.

Television: This late breaking news just in! Uions, health and safety regulations and social services are all evil. You should hate them and anyone who advocates them.

Man: Wait. What?

Television: Also, teachers are evil. History is unimportant. Science is just theories, and critical thinking is unpatriotic.

Man: What the hell happened to the future?

Television: Up next you’ll get to watch beautiful rich people act petty so you can feel superior to them. After that we’ll have 24 hours of tits and kittens!

Man: Hey, I love tits!

Woman: I love kittens!

Television: Now for a quick commercial break…You’re getting very sleepy. Your mind is shutting down. You want to buy everything. Buying things will make you happy. You want to go into debt. Debt is a sign of maturity.

Man (thinking to himself): Maybe I can work some overtime and get more money to buy more stuff!

Television: This just in. People have gone into more debt than they can afford to pay back. So the big, predatory lending institutions are about to go bankrupt!

Man: Doh!

Television: But don’t worry! The president has just saved the predatory lending institutions by putting the next generation in debt to cover their balance sheets. Of course, you don’t get anything out of that, and no business practices will be changed.

Man: Doh!

A FEW MONTHS LATER…

Television: This just in, everybody and their dog knows Wall Street is apocalyptically corrupt, and every politician is in the pocket of big business.

Man: Screw this. Let’s go down to Wall Street and protest.

A LITTLE WHILE LATER…

The man and woman are standing outside the stock exchange on Wall Street with a bunch of protesters.

Police officer: Hey, what are you folks doing here?

Woman: We’re protesting corruption and white collar crimes against humanity. What are you doing here?

Police officer: Kicking your asses.

Man: Huh!?!

A FEW DAYS LATER:

The man and woman are back in their home watching television.

Television: This just in. Apparently the only people with the power to change the world are people with money.

Man: Too bad the rich took all our money.

Television: But don’t worry. Just remember America’s motto. Repeat it after me, “Everything will be better after the next election.”

Man and woman: Everything will be better after the next election.

Television: Very good, boys and girls.

A FEW YEARS LATER…

Television: This just in, all the world’s resources have been converted into mountains of garbage. There are no more fish left  in the sea, and all the fresh water in the world is toxic.

Man: Doh!

Television: Also, the world is now overpopulated. So everyone is going to have to fight to the death for the few remaining resources.

Man: Doh!

Television: Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be retiring to my private island paradise.

Woman: Why weren’t you born to richer parents?
Man: Fuck my life.

THE END


Feel free to leave a comment.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: