An Open Letter to Liberal America

I recently wrote a strongly worded letter to conservative America. So it’s only fair that I send one to liberal America too.

Unfortunately, as I pointed out in my previous letter, there’s no such thing as “liberal America.” That’s just a catch-all term conservatives use to lump everyone they disagree with together so they’ll have someone to blame all their problems on. This makes it impossible to write a letter to liberals, but to be fair to conservatives I really need to say something. So I”m going to hazard some generalizations. If you consider yourself a liberal then all/some/or none of things I say may apply to you. If I say something that doesn’t apply to you then it doesn’t apply to you. So don’t get butt hurt about it. END OF DISCLAIMER.

First of all, voting for Democrats isn’t going to make the world a better place. Voting for Obama in the 2012 elections isn’t going to make the world a better place. At best, voting Democratic is voting for the lesser of two evils.

Neither Democrat or Republican politicians are accountable to their voters. They’re only accountable to their financial sponsors. Those are the only people whose interests are represented in the government. That’s why both Democrats and Republicans consistently pass legislation that helps make the rich richer and the poor poorer. That’s why if you write to your Congressman, your letter will get read by a young intern who will send you a meaningless form letter. Your political leaders don’t represent you. They just endure you. If you continue voting for Democrats because you think they’re going to change anything other than making the rich richer and the poor poorer then you’re part of the problem.

This raises the question, “But if voting doesn’t work then what can we do?” It’s been my experience that 99 times out of 100 when someone asks, “Yeah, but what can we do?” it’s not because they’re looking for actual solutions that they can put at the top of their priority list of things to spend their free time on. They’re saying it as an excuse to give themselves permission to throw their hands up in the air and quit thinking before they even started.

Let me ask you this, “What were you going to do?” Statistically speaking, you’ll probably spend less than 1% of your time or money on humanitarian or activism-related activities. You’re going to spend more time shopping, watching TV and looking for “the one” then you’re going to spend helping other people or trying to solve the world’s problems. You’re going to spend most of your time working for a business that’s making the owner, C.E.O. and investors filthy rich while the rest of the employees drown in debt and worry.

Sure, you may volunteer at the recycling center on the weekends. You may plant a tree on Arbor day. You might even have  a recurring direct deposit to feed an African child. But you just punch your humanitarian time card enough to feel smug. The real guiding star in your life is chasing a higher pay check so you can buy more shit you don’t need that was made in a sweat shop by a child laborer in India, Vietnam, China or any of the other countries America exploits for its human resources.

The 1% you hate so much are so fat because you’ve dedicated your life to feeding them. To the human beings who make all the cool stuff in your house that you don’t need, you’re the 1%. Your liberal beliefs don’t make you a part of the solution, because 99% of the time you don’t act on them. You spend that time being a part of the problem.

What can you do? Look around you. The American people are on autopilot. All they care about is eating, shopping and watching movies, and they’ll defend their arrogance to the death. America is Idiocracy. There’s no reasoning with these people. The best advice I can give you is to build a bunker and try to survive the apocalypse the American public is working so hard on bringing down on themselves.

 If you really want to do something productive with your life, here are a few other suggestions:

1. Donate to free online schools like the Khan Academy. The world sucks because people are stupid. Enlightened, educated people translates into an enlightened society. If everyone in the world had free education they could all help themselves. Nothing will bring the world closer to utopia faster than free education.

2. Boycott the popculture that’s making you dumber. Turn off Jersey Shore and watch Stephen Hawking’s Universe. Turn off Lady Gaga and listen to an audio book version of Howard Zinn’s “A People’s History of the United States.” When you’re finished with that then ask yourself what the next most important thing you can possible learn is. If you can’t figure that out then devote your free time to figuring it out. Keep learning the most important things in descending order until you die.

3. If you know something really important that other people don’t then devote your free time to telling people about it. The problem with the world isn’t that we’re talking too much and acting too little. We haven’t talked enough yet. If we’d talked enough about the most important issues then everybody would be on the same page and we’d all be ready to act in unison. We’re fractured because nobody knows what the hell is going on. If you’re not talking about the world’s problems, identifying their causes, figuring out solutions and advocating them then you’re part of the problem.

4. Don’t go into debt buying junk you don’t need. Debt is slavery. If you’re a debt slave then you have no leverage to stand up for yourself. Spending your money responsible will free you. Of course, in a debt-driven, consumer economy we live in this will lower demand for products and thus lower demand for workers, and the whole system will break down. The solution to this problem isn’t to keep eating your own tail. It wouldn’t matter if there were no demand for products we don’t need if we lived in sustainable cities instead of unsustainable suburbs where everything is expensive as possible. Make your home and your city self-sufficient and you’ll free yourself from the fear of destitution that keeps you locked in a cubicle dying inside every day.

Read the rest of the Two Conservative Ladies comics:


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