Read the rest of the Two Conservative Ladies comics:
- Two Conservative Ladies #1
- Two Conservative Ladies #2
- Two Conservative Ladies #3
- Two Conservative Ladies #4
- Two Conservative Ladies #5
- Two Conservative Ladies #6
- Two Conservative Ladies #7
- Two Conservative Ladies #8
- Two Conservative Ladies #9
- Two Conservative Ladies #10
- Two Conservative Ladies #11
- Two Conservative Ladies #12
- Two Conservative Ladies #13
- Two Conservative Ladies #14
- Two Positive Ladies #1
- Two Positive Ladies #2
- Two Positive Ladies #3
- Two Positive Ladies #4
- Two Positive Ladies #5
- An open letter to liberal America
- An open letter to conservative America
- Two Conservative Ladies sketch comedy script
Comic # 1
Lady #1 What’s the most important thing in the world?
Lady #2 The children, dear.
Lady #1 And who knows our children better than anyone else?
Lady #2 Their teachers.
Lady #1 Okay, now who do teachers say are limiting our children’s potential the most?
Lady #2 The parents.
Lady #1 The n it sounds like it’s time to talk about parent reform.
Comic # 2
Lady #1 I think we can all agree we hate Power Point presentations.
Lady #2 I hate neck ties, khaki pants and itchy suits too.
Lady #1 Why aren’t we all wearing pajamas to work?
Lady #2 I’m not necessarily saying I’d trade the right to vote for the right to wear pajamas to work, but…
Lady #1 …it’s important.
Lady #2 …it is.
Comic # 3
Lady #1 Why is buying a house so expensive?
Lady #2 Taxes and interest, I believe.
Lady #1 Why am I being taxed out the bum for the most basic necessity of human survival, and why can’t I just get a simple, low interest loan straight from the national treasury?
Lady #2 Because then you wouldn’t be giving all your money away and stimulating the economy?
Lady #1 I’d be giving my money to my government…and people who actually provide a tangible service to society.
Lady #2 If everyone had money then the demand for massages would go up.
Comic # 4
Lady #1 Most of my professors were psychopaths.
Lady #2 Most of the people I graduated with were, are and will always be complete lumps.
Lady #1 Maybe it’s time we come clean with the kids and that, while having an education is vital, having a university degree doesn’t make you a higher form of life.
Lady #2 But that’s the assumption we base our paychecks and our authority at work on!
Lady #1 I’m sorry. I no longer take joy out of screwing over the young.
Comic # 5
Lady #1 I’ve discovered the silver bullet to the education problem!
Lady #2 What is it, dear?
Lady #1 Free, online video-based schooling!
Lady #2 Oh, that’s not a silver bullet, dear.
Lady #1 …not even for kids who don’t have any access to quality education?
Lady #2 I guess it’d be the gun too then.
Comic # 6
Lady #1 I’m really worried about the illegal immigration problem. Aren’t they stealing our jobs?
Lady #2 They’re mostly doing jobs that are too inhumane to give to documented workers who are protected by the law.
Lady #1 But they want to stay forever and get paid social security, right?
Lady #2 Most of them want to go back home after the work is finished and be the families they left behind.
Lady #1 Then why don’t we just make it like really easy to get a temporary work visa?
Lady #2 Ohh. Then our police wouldn’t spend their days chasing fruit pickers.
Comic # 7
Lady #1 There’s too much traffic on the road. I need someone to find a solution to this problem.
Lady #2 I bet if you gave N.A.S.A. a trillion dollars they could come up with an outside the box solution.
Lady #1 Well…we were going to spend a trillion dollars on something.
Lady #2 Ooh. I hope we get the flying car.
Comic # 8
Lady #1 The more land one person owns the less land is left for everyone else.
Lady #2 There’s less supply than there is demand, yes.
Lady #1 So the more land one person is allowed to own the less land someone else will inevitably be able to afford.
Lady #2 That’s freedom.
Lady #1 Are the poor free to buy land?
Lady #2 …if they can save any money after being gouged for rent.
Lady #1 I feel like there’s room for improvement here.
Comic # 9
Lady #1 How’s the war on corruption going?
Lady #2 That doesn’t exist, dear.
Lady #1 Well write a letter to your congressman about it.
Lady #2 I did. I got back a meaningless form letter from an intern.
Lady #1 Curses.
Comic # 10
Lady #1 I just donated a lot of money to my political candidate, and he guaranteed he’d pass laws favorable to my business interests once he’s in office.
Lady #2 That’s bribery, dear.
Lady #1 Wait a minute…Isn’t democracy when you jump through a loop hole to pay for representation?
Lady #2 No dear, that’s called corruption.
Lady #1 *Gasp* I’ve been living a lie!