Some relationship advice

Once you tell someone you love them, that doesn’t mean you’re morally obligated to love them unconditionally for the rest of your life. Unconditional love is a myth at worst and an oversimplification at best. The truth is romantic relationships are inherently selfish… to a degree. If love were completely selfless then you should fall in love with the next person you talk to. But you don’t fall in love with just anybody. You spend your life searching for someone whose personality, interests, ambitions, skills and behaviors compliment yours.  You click with people who help you achieve your wants. You’re turned off by people who have an incompatible prime prerogative. And that’s fine. There’s nothing cold or sinister about that. It’s really common sense, actually. It’s sinister and ignorant to believe that you have to have blind faith in another person for any reason.

When you look for a romantic partner you’d be wise to analyse your potential mates according to how well you can help each other fulfill your respective wants. Regardless of how blissful you feel with a potential partner for the first few months after meeting them, if your wants are incompatible then sooner or later you’re going to make each other miserable, and that defeats the purpose of being together. That defeats the purpose of life even. There’s nothing magical or sanctified about enduring misery or making another human being miserable during their short stay on Earth.

Even if you find someone you’re in tune with, you’re going to have disagreements eventually. No two people are exactly the same, and men and women have genetic differences that make them think slightly differently. So you’ll never find someone who always wants exactly what you want, but if you’ve found someone who makes you happy and you want to keep them in your life then you’re going to have to compromise.

Compromise is a tight rope though. Too much compromise defeats the purpose of being together and can make you miserable. Even if you pride yourself on being a selfless person and don’t mind compromising, if you never get what you want you’ll grow cold and miserable. You might not even notice it at first, but something will be missing. And if your significant other constantly expects you to compromise your wants for theirs then they’re sapping your soul. They’re being parasitic, and you’d be a fool to keep feeding them.

Your significant other is being especially destructive when they throw tantrums, get angry at you, guilt trip you and tear you down when you don’t give them what they want. Nobody wants to have to deal with tantrums, yelling, guilt trips and belittling. If you love somebody you would never treat them like that. That’s how you treat an enemy, not a lover. So even if you can get what you want by terrorizing your significant other, you make your significant other miserable. That’s a travesty in and of itself, but the situation is more dire than that, because when you constantly take and take and take from another person and don’t give back in return (and give extra to make up for the pain you cause your significant other) they’ll run out of passion eventually. Over time they’ll have less and less to give until there’s nothing left. Then they’ll either die inside or leave you. If they were wise they’d leave you.

If you want to have a happy relationship you need to communicate with your lover about what both of you want, and you need to make sure you fill your significant others’ needs as equally as possible. And you should never bitch and complain and hurt your significant other, because in doing so you’re creating the reasons why they should leave you.

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One response to “Some relationship advice

  • leelalou

    This is one of the best pieces of relationship advice I’ve come across. If only I’d seen it when I was young. I had to go through a lot of emotional bumps and scrapes getting to where I am and figuring this out, but maybe if this spreads others will at least think about this if they find a parasitic individual who will suck out their giving spirit and make them non believers of love. Thank you for this 🙂


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