Vanilla advice to spice up your sex life

1. Be nicer to each other in general.

If things have cooled down in the bedroom there’s a good chance things have cooled down between you and your lover in general. If you want to rekindle the fire in the bedroom, start by rekindling your love and passion for one another. That passion will naturally pour over into the bedroom, and the sex you do have will be more meaningful.

Even if you don’t currently have any problems in the bedroom, you should still make a conscious effort to be nicer to your lover. Love is a flower that needs to be watered every day to blossom and stay vibrant. So make an extra effort to compliment each other, do nice things for each other and tell each other how much you care about one another.

2. Have an open conversation with your lover about your sexual expectations.

If there is anything about your relationship that’s bothering you, then you should have an open conversation with your lover about it. Unresolved complaints only get worse, and the only way they’re going to get resolved is by talking about them. If you can’t talk to your lover then you either need to get couples therapy or break up. If you can talk to your lover then talk to them. Ask them what their sexual expectations are and tell them about yours. Get to know each other’s fantasies, and work out a plan where everyone gets what they want. Improving your sex life can be as simple as that.

3. Talk erotically during (and not during) sex

If you and your partner are always completely silent during sex other than a few moans and grunts, the least you could do to spice up your sex life is to throw a little dialogue into sex every once and a while. It doesn’t have to be raunchy and corny. If nothing else, say, “Baby, I love you,” once at some point during sex.

Compliment your lover during sex. Tell them how attractive they are. Everyone goes through a lifetime of trouble to look good in order to have sex. It’s very gratifying to have that hard work verbally acknowledged and praised by the person you did all that work for. And when your lover gratifies you by complimenting your sexiness it makes you want to reciprocate the gratification.

Call out your lover’s name during sex. That’s not corny at all. It feels great to have someone scream out your name in ecstatic passion. Give that gift to your lover.

Sex isn’t something that only happens in the bedroom. Tell your lover naughty things in the morning before work and during the normal busy hours of day. Sext them. Randomly tell them how sexy they are. Tell them how horny they make you. Tell them to spend the rest of the day imagining you fucking them. Describe what you’re going to do to them and leave that thought with them to carry through the day. They’ll have a good day, and you’ll probably both have a good night.

4. Vary your sexual positions.

Write the following list of sex positions on a piece of paper, and keep that piece of paper by your bed. Every time you have sex in one of the positions on the list, put a mark next to that position. At the end of a month you should be able to get a good idea of what you’re doing too much of and not enough of. Adding new positions to your list will only make your sex life spicier.

  • Missionary
  • The flat iron
  • Folding deck chair
  • Doggie style
  • Froggy style
  • Cowgirl
  • Reverse Cowgirl
  • Spooning
  • Pressed up against the wall
  • Sixty Nine

5. Vary the speed and duration of your sex.

If your sex life happens on Tuesday and Thursdays between 9pm and 10pm, of course your sex life is going to get boring. Write the following list of sexual encounters on a piece of paper and keep it by your bed. Each time you have sex, put a mark next to which kind of sex you had. At the end of a month you should be able to see what you’re doing too much of and where you have room to spice things up.

  • Quickie
  • Tantric Sex
  • Slow, Passionate Romantic Sex
  • Routine Sex
  • Morning Sex
  • Afternoon Delight
  • Sleeping Sex
  • Wild Romp
  • Fuck Me Like You Don’t Care About My Feelings Sex

6. Have more oral sex.

It’s hard to be unhappy when you’re reciprocating great oral sex with someone on a regular basis. If that’s not part of your life then you’re doing it wrong. If you’re really in love you should be reciprocating oral sex anyway, because nothing says, “I love you” more than putting someone’s genitals in your mouth.

Now read this: How to Go Down on a Girl

7. Use toys

Toys aren’t dirty or kinky. They’re not a danger. They’re an opportunity. But if you’re bashful about the idea of using toys in bed, the least you could do is get an egg/bullet shaped clitoral stimulator. It’s discreet and nonthreatening looking. And it makes miracles. Most women can’t achieve orgasm through penis-in-vagina sex alone; they need clitoral stimulation. A girl can stimulate her clit easily during sex with an egg/bullet shaped clitoral stimulator. That means she can orgasm during sex all the time. That’s not shameful. That’s sex done correctly. 

8. Make videos

Making sex videos is fun to do. It’s fun to watch afterwards, and the replays can be very educational and inspirational.

9. Change your environment

If the only place you ever have sex is your bedroom then of course sex is going to get boring. If nothing else, rearrange your bedroom every once and a while. Better yet, go have sex somewhere else. If nothing else, fuck in other rooms of your house. Fuck in your car. Get a hotel room and fuck there. Go camping. Find excuses to get out of the house and find new legal places to have sex. You could probably use the change of scenery anyway.

10. Wear sexy underwear

You wouldn’t expect your lover to wear expensive, sexy underwear all the time, but if they did you’d love it. They’d love it if you wore sexy underwear all the time. It would turn them on and make them associate you with the idea of sex. Plus, you’ll feel sexier and more confident yourself.

11. Sex slave Sunday

Imagine this. Every other Sunday you and your lover take turns being the sex master for the entire day while the other plays the role of the submissive. I’m not saying that every other Sunday one of you gets locked in a cage naked and has wet dog food thrown at them through the bars. If your lover offers you a blank sexual check for a day and all you ask for is a blowjob at lunch time, that’s cool. The important thing is that you got what you wanted, and next week you’re going to get to reciprocate the selflessness your lover showed you on your weekend in control. This way nobody goes more than two weeks without getting what they want. If you institute sex slave Sunday, be sure to agree on a safe word.

12. Go to therapy

If your sex life sucks and your love life sucks you might consider going to couples therapy. Think of your love life as a child. If your real child gets sick you rush it to the doctor because your child is important to you. If you love child is important to you then take it to the love doctor when it’s sick.

 If you liked this blog you may like these:

Sex Positions and Techniques

Dating and Relationships

Philosophy of Sexuality


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