Advice on the cowgirl position

What is the cowgirl position?

The cowgirl position is, “a group of sex positions in which the man lies on his back or sits. The woman straddles him facing either forward or backward, and the man inserts his erect penis into the woman’s vagina or anus.”

When should you use the cowgirl position?

The biggest advantage of the cowgirl position is that it can angle the penis perfectly to hit the g-spot or penetrate the vagina deeply. The woman also has complete control of how she moves her body. So she’s in the perfect position to hit all her favorite spots exactly how she wants. In particular, it gives the woman control to rub her clitoris against the man’s abdomen, which gives her the power to give herself an orgasm during PIV sex. This is also a great position for pregnant women who can’t have a man lying on top of them.

There are a lot of slight variations you can make to the cowgirl position that can all be very effective at pleasuring women in different ways. The trick is picking the right variation for the moment. Since there are so many options, it behooves women to communicate openly with their partner about what they want, and it behooves men to listen.

As much potential as this position has to pleasure a woman, young men should not assume shy virgins would want to begin their first sexual experience on top. She may not know what to do and be nervous about being exposed and in control. If she feels more comfortable being guided through sex until she’s more experienced, consider starting with the missionary position, and put off experimenting with the cowgirl position until later.

The cowgirl position is a great choice when a woman wants to pleasure a man, because it let’s him lie on his back and relax while the woman does most of the work. It’s also emotionally gratifying for man to see a woman actually put enthusiasm and effort into pleasing him. It makes him feel good, and it makes the woman look good to him.

What can you do before penetration?

Sex begins when the intimacy starts, not when penetration happens. When you have less than 10 minutes of foreplay before penetration, you’re having a quickie, and a lifetime of quickies is unfulfilling, especially for women. Foreplay isn’t a daunting task you have to complete. It’s an opportunity to experience your partner, pleasure them and build sexual tension so that your orgasms are more intense.

There’s not much foreplay a guy can instigate while lying on his back. The woman can straddle his face and let him eat her out, which is fun and worth doing now and then. But sitting on a guy’s face is a novelty position and is best used to tease and warm up a woman’s sexual organs before penetration. If your goal is to give a girl an orgasm through cunnilingus, you’d have better luck laying her on her back where she can relax and focus entirely on the pleasure between her legs.

The man lying on his back is perfect for going down on a guy or giving him hand jobs though, which is convenient if the man is having a difficult time getting an erection. The woman can lay him on his back, go down on him and jump on top before he loses his erection. He’ll be able to relax and focus on the pleasure, and he won’t have to deal with the potential frustration of putting the condom on or guiding his penis into the woman’s vagina. This will further reduce the chances of him losing his erection. Regardless of what position you’re in, if your man is having difficulty getting an erection because he’s nervous, try using slow, soothing, passionate movements as you kiss him and caress his body and cock. Don’t be aggressive, demanding or condescending.

When a man is lying on his back, the woman can kneel or lay between his legs and blow him from there or she can straddle him in the 69 position. From the 69 position, she can also move both knees to one side of the man’s head so that he’s not looking up at her crotch. All of these positions can work just as well for giving a blow job. It depends entirely on what both partners are comfortable with. Find what works for you, but remember to vary your routine every once and a while to spice up your sex life.

The 69 position is fun, but since both partners can’t fully concentrate on what they’re doing or experiencing, it’s difficult for either partner to achieve orgasm. It’s still possible, and it’ll be rewarding, but the 69 position is mainly a novelty position best used for a short time to warm each other up prior to getting down to business.

The cowgirl position can be emotionally and physically stimulating without putting anyone’s genitals in anyone’s mouths. The woman can straddle the man and lean forward over his chest for an intimate make out session. The man can and should use his hands to caress, grab, squeeze, pinch and tickle the woman’s body. This is also a convenient time for the man to grab a wide tract of the woman’s hair on the back of her skull as close to the roots as possible and pull her hair back.

The woman won’t have access to as much surface area of the man’s body to touch, but what she can do, she should. But the best part of straddling the man is that she can rub her pussy lips up and down the base of the man’s erect penis. This feels great for both partners, and if you angle your bodies correctly, the woman can rub her clit up and down the man’s penis, which will feel very good to the woman, and if she does it long enough, could give her an orgasm.

No matter what you’re doing during foreplay, it will almost always be improved by a little sexy talk. The trick to sexy talk isn’t to try to spout impromptu poetry. Just compliment your partner from the heart, and tell them how they make you feel. The goal isn’t to impress them with your prose. The goal is to make them feel important.

What speed should you use?

Slow

As a general rule, it’s always best to start out PIV sex slowly to give the woman’s vagina time to relax, expand and moisten. Starting any position too fast is likely to be immediately painful for the woman and leave her sore for potentially days afterwards. This shouldn’t be much of a problem in the cowgirl position since the woman is in the dominant position and can control the speed. However, the man can take control away from the woman and thrust upwards at the speed he wants at any time. Men should resist the urge to take control away from a woman while she’s on top. Even though she may not be moving as fast as the man wants, she’s probably doing what feels best to her. The man is not going to impress her by taking that away from her.

Medium

A steady, rhythmic, medium pace is almost always great for both partners in any position. Though the tendency in sex is to get so worked up you can’t wait for the grand finale, it’s usually best to resist the urge to rush to the end. After you’ve had enough slow sex to loosen and moisten the vagina, stick with a medium pace for a while. It will make the sex last a little longer and give you both better orgasms. When both partners thrust in unison at a medium pace, the results are spectacular.

Fast

As both partners get closer to orgasm, harder, faster thrusts usually feel better. Though, men tend to enjoy very fast thrusts more than women, while women generally prefer harder thrusts to faster ones. When it comes time for fast and hard thrusts in the cowgirl position, there’s only so much the woman can do since she’s pushing her hips downwards and backwards. The man can actually thrust faster and harder from below. So, if speed is what you’re going for, it may be best to let the man take control and do most of the thrusting while the woman holds on for dear life. Fast/hard sex is also a great time for the man to pull the woman’s hair and/or talk really dirty to her.

How should you thrust?

Hopping up and down

When the woman hops up and down on the man’s penis, it feels good for both partners. If both partners put a little muscle into it, you can get some hard, slamming connections. The downside is that it can be tiring for the woman, and it doesn’t stimulate her clit. So she is unlikely to achieve an orgasm from it.

When the woman is hopping up and down, the man can hold his legs together, which gives the woman the most freedom, or, he can spread lift his knees and lean them outward like a butterfly. This makes it easier for the man to thrust, and the woman can hold onto his knees for support. However, it takes some control away from the woman and limits her freedom to choose her own angle.

Women, when you’re jumping up and down on a man’s penis (especially when you’re doing it fast and hard), be mindful of his balls. You may be crushing them between his legs, especially when he has his thighs completely pressed together.

Swiveling Hips

When the woman swivels her hips, she can tilt her man’s penis so that it hits 360’s of her vaginal tunnel. This can be pleasurable, and it’s a good way to loosen the vagina to prepare for harder, faster penetration. This is a physically and mentally stimulating experience for men. It demonstrates to him that his woman is virile and giving. It’s playful and enticing. It’s usually never a bad idea to throw in a few hip swivels in during cowgirl sex sessions. Just know that this is a “cherry on the top” kind of move. It’s tiring, and unlikely to do enough for either partner to bring them to orgasm. This technique is best used during the first few minutes after penetration and intermittently afterwards just to spice things up.

Grinding

Most women can’t have an orgasm through PIV sex alone. They need clitoral stimulation. More than any other sexual position, most woman probably have the best chance of achieving an orgasm during PIV sex (without using a toy) while grinding in the cowgirl position. The cowgirl gives the woman the opportunity to rub her clit on the man’s abdomen and have his cock deep inside of her, and she has complete control of speed and pressure… especially if the man puts his legs together.

If ever there was a time during sex when a man should verbally ask the woman what she wants him to do, this would be it. But really, mostly what the man needs to do is lay there and let the woman pleasure herself.

What the woman is doing will feel good to the man, and he can orgasm from it, but left to his own devices he’d probably choose something with more thrusting. This technique has very little thrusting to it, since the point is to keep the clit pressed against the man’s abdomen. There are plenty of other positions that are more suited to pleasure men, and men get to experience those all the time while the girl waits patiently for him to finish. Sometimes it’s the man’s turn to take one for the team, and if he wants to be a great lover, he should want to do that. So, men, be patient and let your woman do her thing.

Twerking

Twerking can be tiring. So it’s not something women should plan to do for a long time. It does feel good for both partners though, and it demonstrates virility and kindness on the woman’s part. Like hip-swiveling, this a “cherry on top” move that is welcome in almost any cowgirl sex session, at least for a few moments.

The Wave

The woman can make long, flowing, gliding, arching thrusts with her hips, fucking her man in a wavy motion. The woman feels her partner’s penis inside her from different angles, which means the man also feels the vagina from different angles. This is an incredibly sensual, intimate move at any speed. It gets more difficult the faster you do it, but at slow-to-medium speeds it’s not particularly tiring. So it can be done for a long time. This moves feels better for men than woman. Men have more of a chance of achieving orgasm from the wave, but with a little deliberation, the woman can rub her clit against the man’s abdomen as she swings her hips forward. If that’s not enough to get her off, she can always switch to the grinding technique at any time to heighten her pleasure momentarily or to finish herself off.

Letting Him do the Work

Sometimes it’s nice for the woman to kneel over her man and let him do all the work, thrusting up. This can be very tiring for the man if the woman rests her entire body weight on his groin, but if she can support some of her own weight, the man should be able to thrust upwards for quite a while.

Some men are used to doing all the work. So when the girl gets on top he still won’t give her control. He thinks he’s being a giving lover, but he’s really taking away the woman’s opportunity to pleasure herself, and he’s missing out on the opportunity to pleasure his lover without hardly doing any work. Men should think long and hard about if/when they should commandeer full control of the cowgirl position. There’s no one right answer, but if the woman hasn’t had a chance to do her thing yet, think about letting her.

When a man (especially a sexually inexperienced man) is close to orgasm, he sometimes loses control of his mind and body and feels compelled to thrust as fast and hard as he can. Sometimes this is extremely pleasurable for women. Her vagina enjoys deep, passionate thrusts, and her psyche is overwhelmed by being overpowered by a raging sex bull. Sometimes her vagina is sore, and her psyche is underwhelmed by the fact that she’s on a ride she’s not enjoying but can’t get off. Men need to pay attention to their women and be mindful of the state of their vagina. If a man is going to lose control and start acting like a jack rabbit on steroids, he should at least accentuate the experience with hair pulling, dirty talk, love talk, groping, kissing and/or moaning so the experience is more passionate and less clinical for the woman.

How can you modify the cowgirl position?

Note: Women, I’m looking for feedback on which variation of the cowgirl position penetrates you deepest and/or hits your G-spot the best so I can improve this guide.

Perpendicular Kneeling

This is the classic cowgirl position. The woman kneels over the man’s groin and inserts his penis in her vagina. From this position she can start out slow and ease her way into sex. She can hop, grind, swivel, twerk and wave. It’s a great all-around position.

Perpendicular Squatting

Instead of kneeling, the woman can plant her feet down and squat onto the penis while holding her body straight up or leaning forward. This can feel reasonably good for both partners since the angle guides the penis straight up the vagina. However, can be tiring and awkward for the woman to keep her balance. The man can help by holding the woman’s butt up with his hands or thighs, but that may not be effective if the woman is big and the man is small. Anyone sexually liberated enough to use ropes and bars to hold onto during sex can really make the most of this position.

Leaning Back

If the woman starts in the kneeling or squatting position, she can lean backwards and rest her hands by the man’s thighs. The man can also help support her weight with his hands and thighs. This can be awkward and tiring for the woman, and it can bend the man’s penis painfully towards his feet. At the right angle it can feel good for both partners, but the high cost and low payout of this position makes it more of a novelty position.

Woman Leaning Forward

From the kneeling position, the woman can lean forward. This is an intimate position, because both partners can embrace, caress and kiss each other. It angles the penis directly into the vagina, which feels good for both partners at any speed. Both partners can thrust, and it’s a little less tiring for women than sitting straight up. This is a good all-around position.

Man Sitting Up

If the man puts a cushion behind himself, he can prop his back up, and the woman can mount him while he’s in a sitting position. This makes it easier for both partners to kiss and caress each other, but it can limit how much the can thrust (especially if he is small and his partner is big). The man is in a perfect position to lift the woman’s ass with his hands, and the woman is in a perfect position to bounce and grind. It also angles the penis for deep penetration. This can be a very effective position for both partners. If you haven’t tried this position, you’re missing out.

Reverse Cowgirl Perpendicular

When the woman is kneeling over the man’s groin looking towards his head, she can turn around and mount him with her face pointing towards his feet. She thrusts against the penis by leaning her body forward towards the man’s feet and then dropping her ass backwards towards his groin. This makes it precariously easy to bend the man’s penis down painfully towards his feet. It also angles the woman’s body so that she’s slamming her butt straight towards the man’s balls. Despite the dangers, this position has a lot of potential, and some people absolutely swear by it, but it’s certainly one of the more advanced sex positions.

Reverse Cowgirl Crabwise

In this position, the woman plants her hands and feet on the ground/bed with her face pointing towards the ceiling while the man lies underneath her looking up at the back of her head. She thrusts by lowering her body towards the man’s feet and then pushing her body back upwards towards the man’s head. This position can be tiring and awkward for the woman to maintain. The man can help by supporting her with his hands and thighs, but a small man won’t be able to hold a large woman for very long. This position can be made much easier if the woman has bars or ropes to hold onto. This can be a very pleasurable position, but it’s definitely another advanced technique. This position can be very rewarding for both partners if they can maintain it.

Reverse Cowgirl Squatting

The woman plants her feet on the ground/bed and squats down over the man’s penis while facing towards his feet. It can be difficult for the woman to keep her balance, but the man can support her ass with his hands, and she can lean forward to rest her hands on his knees. This is a position where ropes or bars to hold onto would really help.

This position can angle the penis away from the G-spot, but it also lends to deep penetration and hard thrusts from both partners. This is probably the most advanced of the cowgirl positions. If you don’t get it right the first time, don’t let it stop you from trying again sometime.

Reverse Cowgirl Leaning Back

From the reverse cowgirl position, the woman can lean back until her back touches the man’s chest. A woman needs to be very flexible to hold this position when her knees still on the ground/bed. Most likely, she’ll be more comfortable laying her legs out flat in the same way as the man. If she plants her feet next to the man’s thighs and bends her knees, she can stabilize her balance better and use her legs to thrust and writhe a little. The man will be able to kiss, nibble, lick and bite the woman’s shoulders, neck, ears and face. He will also be able to wrap his arms completely around the woman to caress her, play with her breasts and possibly even stimulate her clit. This is an intimate, sensual position at any speed. It has a lot of potential for men and women, but it takes both partners working together.

What kind of toys can you use?

Restraints

The cowgirl family of positions are perfect for tying a man to the bed. There’s a different flavor of fun in tying only his hands, only his feet or all of his extremities at the same time. He can also be blindfolded and gagged. All of these techniques will heighten his senses and give the woman the satisfaction of being in control.

Women who want to dominate and be dominated at the same time can still have their hands tied behind their backs and be blindfolded. Their legs can be tied down to the bed as well. Both partners can even be tied to each other. The number of ways you can use restraints in the cowgirl position is limited only by your imagination.

Cushions

Putting a pillow or wedge shaped cushion under the man’s ass will angle his penis more towards his face. Depending on which variation of the cowgirl position you’re using, this can change the depth the penis penetrates the vagina and how well it hits the G-spot. Try every variation with and without a pillow or cushion to see what works best for you.

Clitoral Stimulator

It’s hard for either the man or woman to hold a pocket rocket or bullet/egg clitoral stimulator on the clit in most of the cowgirl positions since her groin is usually slamming down on the man’s abdomen. Even when she’s grinding, the device is likely to get dislodged. The best chances you have of using a clitoral stimulator may be for the man takes control of the thrusting while the woman holds the device where she wants it.

Vibrating Cock Ring

One of the few instances where a vibrating cock ring is actually useful is when the woman grinds the man in the cowgirl position. This gives her snug clitoral stimulation and deep PIV penetration at the same time. This is the perfect combination in theory, but I’ve never found a cock ring ergonomically designed well enough to fulfill this position/combo’s full potential in practice.

Dildos/Vibrators

With all the flopping around, it can be easier to stimulate the clit with a long vibrator than a tiny egg/bullet shaped clit stimulator. The downside to using a vibrator to stimulate the clit while bouncing up and down is it’s hard to hold in place. With enough practice and determination, you can successfully incorporate vibrators into the cowgirl position, but that’s advanced technique.

Butt Plug

Either partner can wear a butt plug during cowgirl sex. Use lots and lots of lube, and be sure to buy a plug with a wide base; never stick anything in anyone’s anus that could potentially get sucked all the way in. If you practice safe anal play, it will heighten the experience for both partners.

 If you liked this blog you may like these:

Sex Positions and Techniques

Dating and Relationships

Philosophy of Sexuality


8 responses to “Advice on the cowgirl position

  • P

    Dear WiseSloth,
    I greatly enjoy your blog and your frank discussions on our sexual nature. I am a mature woman, and my boyfriend’s recent knee surgery has necessitated some cowgirl positions that we both enjoy. However, when you (and others) tell me how great these are for me to orgasm because I can rub my clit on his pubis, I just don’t get it. It takes some sustained (and rapid) rubbing for me to cum, not a bump, release, bump, like when the thrusting happens. I don’t know exactly what I’m asking of you…I just wish I could experience orgasm during PIV some day before I die. Anything WiseSloth? Thanks.

    Like

    • wise sloth

      The key to achieving an orgasm during PIV sex is clitoral stimulation, which requires rapid rubbing, not bouncing up and down (as you know). So instead of bouncing up and down, stay all the way down and grind your clit against the pubis by rocking your hips forward and backward. The easiest way to achieve orgasm during PIV sex is to stimulate your clit with a vibrator. This isn’t easy in the cowgirl position, but if you lay on your side in the spooning position you’ll be able to do that. Hope that helps.

      Like

      • P

        Thanks kindly for your reply….sigh…I’ve tried a vibrator a little bit like that, but something about it didn’t feel quite right. I know one thing for sure, it sure is a lot of fun trying to figure these things out!

        Like

  • Abigail

    I am going home this weekend and my boyfriend wants to have sex. But he wants to try cowgirl. I’m not very find of this position because I dont cum from vaginal penetration. I’m also really awkward up there and don’t feel sexy and just I hate it lol I hate it so much. Yes I am bigger. Can I have some advice in this area?

    Like

    • wise sloth

      Abigail,

      The cowgirl position is actually one of the best positions for a girl to cum during penis-in-vagina sex because you can rub your clit against his abdomen, especially if he sits or leans up. This will require you to rock your hips forwards and backwards instead of going up and down on top of him, which might not get him off. So if you want to do this, you should explain to him before hand how this will help you achieve orgasm, in which case he’ll probably be happy to work with you and not try to steer the sex back to up/down thrusting.

      It’s natural to have insecurities about our bodies, but you have to realize that if your man is already having sex with you, he’s already accepted you. He knows what you look like. So being meek and relegating yourself to positions that don’t expose you so much is kind of just kidding yourself and missing out on all the flavors of sex. You should be celebrating your body with your boyfriend.

      Everyone has their favorite and least favorite sex positions. When you care about someone else, you care about their pleasure. Sometimes it’s worth having sex in a position that isn’t your favorite if it makes your partner happy and doesn’t hurt or demean you. This works both ways too. Sometimes your boyfriend gets more of what he wants, and sometimes you get more of what you want. But everyone has to give and take for the relationship to be equal. Forcing your boyfriend to only have sex in your favorite positions is going to make him feel unfulfilled after a while.

      If your boyfriend goes down on you before or after sex, then you don’t have to care as much about having sex in positions that don’t get you off. Have him read my cunnilingus guide: https://thewisesloth.com/2009/10/28/how-to-go-down-on-a-girl/

      Like

  • Liz

    But how do I guide the penis into the vagina?

    Like

    • wise sloth

      Liz,

      If you’re having trouble guiding your man’s penis into your vagina (I’m assuming you’re a female), the first problem may be that you’re not getting wet enough first. Try spending more time on foreplay to increase your wetness. If that doesn’t work you may want to try lubricating the penis first. Personally, I like Astroglide, but you may want to study the ingredients of different lubes first and decide which, if any, you want them in your vagina.

      As far as aiming goes, don’t think of the vagina as bullseye on a target and the penis as an arrow aiming for the dead center in one shot. Instead, grab the penis by the base of the shaft and rub it up and down the length of your labia minora. That feels good to both partners, and if you’re wet and dilated enough for penetration, the penis will slip in naturally when it hits the right angle.

      Hope that helps.

      Like

  • Anonymous

    Great stuff

    Like

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