This Was Your Life: The Martyrs

This comic strip is the 5th episode in a series in which Loki and his supernatural friends taunt the recently deceased.martyrs in the afterlife

See who else Loki and his friends have taunted:

Transcript

Two people wearing chemical resistant suits approach two large gates on a cloud. Two men, Loki and The Stranger are standing next to the gates, waiting. They are both wearing blue overalls and green caps. The only physical difference between them is, Loki has a long, white beard, and The Stranger does not.

Martyrs: Yeaaaah! It worked! We made it! Woo Hoo!

The Stranger: Ugh. Not again.

Martyr 1: Check this dude out, bro.

Martyr 2: Hey dude. What’s up, bro?

The Stranger: I ain’t your bro, dude. I’m the guy you get to explain to why you just killed dozens of your fellow humans in a chemical warfare suicide attack.

Martyr 1: I’m proud to say, we did it for God.

The Stranger: … and for the magnificent reward someone promised you in the afterlife maybe?

Martyr 2: Word, bro. God rewards the faithful, and we’re here to collect.

The Stranger: You really think the creator of the universe went through all the trouble of creating the universe as a way to bring conscious life into existence just so you could melt a bunch of random people and end their experience?

Martyr 2: Yeah, that’s what God told us to do.

The Stranger: God invented particle physics, astrophysics, geometry, organic chemistry, cellular biology and anatomy just to name a few of its intellectual accomplishments. And you’re telling me, the same mind who did all that, concluded that it’s logical for you to go around eliminating all of its infinitely valuable, hand-crafted creations.

Martyr 1: Well… It’s not our place to question God. We know our role.

Martyr 2: Yeah, it’s not for us to question why, but to do or die. Hoorah.

The Stranger: Ugh. That’s not how this works. That not how anything works.

Loki appears in a firy explosion.

Loki: Who disturbs my slumber?

The Stranger: Oh, bearded one. These martyrs here want their reward for killing dozens of people in a chemical suicide attack.

Loki: Why the hell would they expect a reward for that?

Martyr 2: We were totally doing God’s work.

Loki: Nope.

Martyr 2: But God’s instruction book for life said…

Loki: Nope.

Martyr 1: But God’s spokesmen said..

Loki: Nope.

Martyr 1: God gave us detailed instructions.

Loki: God gave you a brain with enough common sense to know that it doesn’t make any damn sense for you to go around slaughtering people for any reason. People are the point. Killing them defeats the whole purpose. Doesn’t anyone notice this? I feel like I’m taking crazy pills.

Martyr 2: We were just following orders.

The Stranger: Oh no! They found the Nuremberg loophole around cosmic justice, and I am now supernaturally bound to let them through the gates!

Loki: Very well. Open the gates, and give these gentlemen the reward they so justly deserve.

The Stranger: Aye aye, captain.

The gates open.

Loki: Now get the hell out of my sight, you two.

The two martyrs walk through the gate and disappear.

The Stranger: How long do you think it’ll take them to figure out there’s nothing back there?

Loki: Not nearly as long as it’ll take them to figure out how to get out.

The Stranger: I don’t know. They’re chemists. They’re trained to solve problems logically. I’ll bet you a hundred clouds they find their way out in less than ten million years.

Loki: But those two don’t think logically enough to see the plain and simple value of life. Make it two hundred clouds, and you got yourself a bet.

The Stranger: Clouds in the bank, baby.

The End.


One response to “This Was Your Life: The Martyrs

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