This Was Your Life: The Nonconformist

This comic strip is the 13th episode in a series in which Loki and his supernatural friends taunt the recently deceased.

nonconformist

See who else Loki and his friends have taunted:

Transcript: 

On an endless stretch of cloud stands a man with a long white beard. His name is Loki, and he’s wearing a blue jumpsuit and a green hat. Standing next to him is a house cat the size of a bus named Dirty Charlie. A punk rocker with green hair approaches them. He is wearing ripped up jeans, a black leather jacket and a band T-shirt.

Punk: *Yawn.*

Loki: Sounds like trouble coming.

Punk: I must be dreaming.

Loki:  No. You’re overdosing on drugs. These are the pearly gates to Heaven, and we are the guardians of the galaxy.

Punk: Where are the gates?

Dirty Charlie: Fuck gates.

Punk: Right on. I like your style.

Loki:  Dirty Charlie: Why do you look like a cartoon character?

Punk: Because I’m a nonconformist, and I was born this way. Anyway, what’s going on here? Are we just waiting for me to die?

Dirty Charlie: We’re waiting for you to give us a reason why we should send you back to life.

Punk: Because I’m one of a kind.

Loki: That’s great, because the meaning of life is to brake the shackles of tradition and conformity and become yourself.

Dirty Charlie: You’re a hero! Tell us more about what a unique snowflake you are.

Loki:  Yeah, I can’t wait to hear about where you learned to express your individuality.

Punk: I learned it from listening to music that I bought from a big music store. Then I started going to concerts and dressing like the people I saw there.

Loki:  Cool. So you were all nonconforming together by listening to the same music, dressing the same and using the same inside language and cultural references?

Punk: Exactly. We’re all part of a cultural rebellion.

Dirty Charlie: I’m so impressed by how rebelliously you bought stuff.

Loki:  What did you do next on your holy crusade against the mainstream?

Punk: I walked around pissing people off by how I look. Sometimes I’d get in people’s faces and make them uncomfortable. But mostly I sat around with my friends getting fucked up and bitching about people who aren’t like us.

Loki: So that’s what you did from nine in the morning to five in the afternoon most days?

Punk: I wish, but I had bills to pay. So I worked at a fast food restaurant.

Loki:  It must have driving you crazy wearing a corporate uniform and taking orders all day from a straight edge boss.

Punk: Yeah, that place sucked.

Dirty Charlie: I bet you couldn’t wait to get off work and go home and watch some mindless television to relax.

Punk: Yeah, but most television sucks. So I mostly only watched nationally syndicated programs that were edgy.

Loki:  Admit it though. You had a few guilty pleasures.

Punk: You got me. I did enjoy some shitty, petty reality TV shows.

Dirty Charlie: We’ve all got a few guilty pleasures. That doesn’t make you as much of a consumer whore as everyone else watching the same shitty television.

Punk: I try to keep it real.

Loki:  What if I told you that being an edgy, suicidal consumer whore who acts like your peers doesn’t make you better than healthier, more prudish consumer whores who act like their peers?

Punk: But what about the music? What about the message?

Loki:  The message about how life is hard and you’re misunderstood and want to fall in love? That’s still pop music even if you’re screaming the lyrics.

Punk: Fuck you. I’m nothing like those mainstream sheeple.

Loki:  Yes you are. In fact, I’m sending you to spend eternity in a colorless suburban dystopia like in the movie, “Pleasantville,” because that’s where you belong.

Punk: I don’t give a fuck. That’ll just mean there are more people for me to piss off and feel superior to.

Dirty Charlie: It doesn’t make much sense to send this punk to a hell that he enjoys… especially if he’s going to make it hell for everyone else who doesn’t want to live like him.

Loki:  Then I suppose I have no choice but to send him back to the mortal realm as an immortal.

Dirty Charlie: Perhaps in time he’ll learn the life lessons he so obviously missed while sitting around smoking pot, listening to loud, angry, amateur pop music that he’s deluded himself into thinking is counter culture.

Punk: That’s right, bitches. I’m too weird to live and too rare to die.

Dirty Charlie: Then again… since he’s such a rare bad ass, maybe he’s up for the ultimate challenge.

Loki:  Absolutely not. Nobody has ever survived. Not Genghis Khan, not Hunter S. Thompson. Not even Sid Vicious. Nobody.

Punk: What challenge?

Dirty Charlie: All you have to do is look God in the face and hear its voice without dying.

Punk: I don’t give a fuck about anything. Bring it on. I want to look in the face of the mother fucker who screwed up my life and tell him what a prick he is anyway.

Loki:  Then go yell in a mirror. Er, I mean, summon the lord of lords.

Dirty Charlie: DING! DING! DING! DING! DING! DING!

A giant tyrannosaurus rex head comes out of the clouds and roars. Then it disappears.

Punk: AAAAAAAGH! Hey, I’m still here. I looked God in the face, and I’m still here.

Loki:  3… 2… 1…

God’s tyrannosaurus rex head comes out of the clouds behind the nonconformist punk and eats him in one bite, spraying blood everywhere.

Dirty Charlie: Do you think the janitor will be upset that you’ve been feeding God again?

Loki:  Yep.

The End.


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