Tweets by The Wise Sloth

I haven’t been posting much lately because I’ve been spending 5-10 hours per day working on a book about how to write film scripts using formula plot templates. I still have at least 100 hours of work left on that before I finish it. So it may be another month before I have time to write any blogs. I wanted to post something though. So I exported, cleaned up and pasted all my original tweets from my Twitter feed, which you can subscribe to here: https://twitter.com/the_wise_sloth. I hope it brings you minutes of enjoyment. I’ll be updating my blog as soon as I can, but I promise the book I’m writing will be worth the wait.

the wise sloth

  • If you pay your employees 1/10 of the profit they earn your company per hour, don’t be surprised if they give 1/10 a fuck about your company.
  • A good guy wouldn’t destroy someone’s life because they own a plant, but any cop would.
  • A good guy wouldn’t take all of a poor person’s money because they don’t have a sticker on their car, but any cop would.
  • If it’s important to drug test the janitors on Capitol Hill, it’s important to drug test the people who vote on declarations of war.
  • The only person in the American military who isn’t required to take drug tests is the commander in chief. #OfAllPeople #RoomForOneMore
  • Congress should be held to at least the same standard of testing, tracking and consequences as testing companies hold preteen students to.
  • Lifelong political positions discriminate against young voters by locking in their parents’ generations’ representation in government.
  • If it’s vital that the president be limited to 2 terms, wouldn’t the same reasons apply to every elected position?
  • Some people really like Joe Biden. Other people really like having the most qualified citizens in the highest offices of government.
  • The president picking a vice president is like an ugly girl picking which fat friend she brings to the club to make her look better.
  • Adulting consists mainly of fulfilling contrived responsibilities that exist only because governments, bosses and bankers are exploiting us.
  • Patting yourself on the back is like shaking your dick after peeing. If you do it more than twice, you’re jerking off.
  • If you’re not making time to do the things you love, the reason it feels like you’re not really living is because you haven’t started.
  • When anyone starts jerking themselves off about how smart they are to you, stop them and say, “Hey, we all got supercomputers in our heads.”
  • Everyone knows more about something than anyone else. Nobody knows squat about everything. Our minds are as unique as our faces.
  • Getting defensive and arguing every time someone tries to correct you or give you advice won’t get you as far in life as you seem to think.
  • Rabbits are basically genitals with a digestive system.
  • Those who hold tightest to their beliefs, improve them the least.
  • Your kids will freak out over the same size problems as you, to the same extent as you. Don’t show them how to be a spoiled, whiny bitch.
  • Everyone holds factually inaccurate beliefs. Only those who question their beliefs get to find out which ones are wrong.
  • Would an all-loving God create an eternal paradise for dead bunnies to perpetually eat, poop & hump? Or would there be no reason to bother?
  • The bigger a movement gets, the more idiots join, until the idiots are the majority and have enough power in numbers to define the movement.
  • The 40 hour work week is cripples children, and thus our future, by not giving parents enough time to raise their kids properly.
  • At some point you have to stop bitching about the hand you were dealt and get on with playing the game the best you can with what you got.
  • Voting in America’s 2016 presidential election is tantamount to voting on whether America should go to war with Iran or Mexico.
  • I’m not voting, but if I did, I’d vote for Hillary Clinton, only because I’d prefer the apocalypse she’ll bring to the one Trump would bring.
  • Rent is a system that allows poor people to pay rich people’s mortgages.
  • Debt hurts more Americans than drugs and terrorism combined. If there were a war on debt, the American government would fight on debt’s side.
  • Most major professional organizations have a code of ethics based on safety & respect that didn’t come from religion #EthicsWithoutReligion
  • The 2016 American presidential election isn’t a choice between the lesser of two evils. It’s a choice between two different flavors of evil.
  • You can spend today fretting about what was or is… or you can spend today creating what will be.
  • Everyone can use some extra help from God, but people who think, study and work hard need it much less, if any.
  • Wishful thinking = having faith everything will magically turn out okay. Strength = having faith you can make everything turn out okay.
  • Reading motivational books without reading problem solving books is like putting fuel in your car without knowing how/where/why to drive.
  • Solving your problems takes motivation to enact a solution, but first you need to use problem solving skills to find the solution.
  • Grey Hound charges an $18 “gift fee” if you buy someone a ticket. In other words, they extort you for helping a loved one in need. #greed
  • If the right to vote, work, love, own a gun or live on your own terms can be taken away then they’re not rights. They’re privileges at best.
  • Imagine if social justice warriors put as much effort into fighting hunger, homelessness and slavery as they do sheltering their feelings.
  • If you want your man to do/not do something, bitching at him will get you the bare minimum. A blow job will get you 110%. #LifeHack #Karma
  • If you’re going to spend the next hour or so feeling depressed about how empty and hopeless everything is, do it while exercising. #LifeHack
  • If a God gave us free will, it probably wasn’t with the expectation that we use it to sit around begging God to do everything for us.
  • It’s like anything else… You don’t pray to God to fix your computer. You call a computer tech.
  • God answered all your prayers by giving you a brain to solve your problems with and the hands and feet to implement the solutions.
  • All things are possible to those who turn off the TV, get up off their ass, go do something and never quit.
  • By all means, complain when life sucks, but complain while you’re doing something about it.
  • When things are good, tell yourself they’re good. When things are bad, tell yourself good things are possible.
  • 90% of the time I log into Twitter it says the log in is suspicious & E-mails me a verification code to enter. #NotHelping #IsItJustMe #FWP
  • If your government can withhold or revoke it, then it’s a privilege, not a right.
  • The quality and quantity of art produced by a nation increases with the quality and quantity of drugs available to its artists.
  • Healthy habits aren’t a burden. They’re an opportunity.
  • If America can’t progress because the RNC & DNC can’t work together then the solution is to end the RNC & DNC.
  • A phobia is an irrational fear that negatively affects your life. That’s insanity. Before picking a religion, vet it for irrational fears.
  • We all break most of the rules of most religions constantly. Singling out one taboo and crusading against it is spiritually futile.
  • It’s going to be a big moment in women’s history when Hillary Clinton is the first woman to steal an American presidential election.
  • You can’t become the leader of a democracy by rigging an election, because then it’s not a democracy.
  • You can measure how horrible of a person you are by how small an inconvenience it takes to make you mean.
  • We’re born with potential, not talent. Abnormally high talent comes only from abnormally frequent, persistent study and practice.
  • Renters are as good as indentured servants to their land lords.
  • When a business owner takes home more $ than all the employees who operate the business, that’s slavery.
  • America would feel more like the land of the free if you didn’t get yelled at and punished for not mowing your lawn.
  • It’s not sedition if a politician acts against the will & interest of the people. It is if a person complains about corruption too much.
  • As long as prices are set by supply & demand, the most important things will be the most unaffordable.
  • Businesses call their employees “partners” because they wouldn’t be as proud if their name tag said “wage slave.”
  • Police have unmarked cars so… you can’t spot them coming to serve and protect you?
  • I’d vote for a politician whose goal while in office is to make presidential nominees great again.
  • The higher your hourly wage is than your employees’ or clients’ daily wage, the more you’re responsible for income inequality.
  • 50% of America’s children live in poverty. How many more need to before our political parties are fired?
  • RNC & DNC’s job is to pick the best presidential candidates, and they pick the 2 most egotistical, unethical, divisive celebs. #youhadonejob
  • Fastest way to reduce the number of police shootings: Reduce the number of pointless victimless crimes cops have to engage people over.
  • How to solve all the crises in the Middle East: Every country pays into a fund to turn the Middle East into the world’s largest farm.
  • Austerity creates religions. Luxury kills them. If you’re comfy and happy, you don’t need anyone to sell you hope.
  • Neither Donald Trump or HIllary Clinton can make America great again. Only the American people can do that.
  • Everyone should be eligible to apply for any government position. Why pay for something you’re not allowed to use?
  • There should only be one thing you have to do to become a presidential candidate: Pass the hardest government test MIT can come up with.
  • In 2016 Americans are voting for which apocalypse they want. Your vote is a gun in your mouth. Protest by not voting. Don’t pull the trigger
  • How about the people pick presidential primary candidates, instead of the RNC & DNC, because they fucking suck at it.
  • The government picked the two most polar opposite yet equally vile people for Americans to pick between for president, like they want riots.
  • The way you make your children feel when they’re young is pretty much how they’ll feel when they’re old.
  • Friendly mechanics are psychopaths. They smile at you as they extort you in your time of need so they can have a more luxurious retirement.
  • The more dogmatically you label yourself the good guy and someone else the bad guy, the more capable of evil you become.
  • Donald Trump buys politicians, and Hillary Clinton sells her political power. Together they represent what’s wrong with campaign financing.
  • If your loved ones never call out your flaws, they’re either too horrible to want to help you, or they know you’re too horrible to listen.
  • Don’t ask why some people have so much figured out. Ask yourself what you’ve been doing that’s more important than getting life figured out.
  • Why is wine the only beverage humans have invented snobby rules about how you’re supposed to consume it?
  • God doesn’t give you strength. You give yourself permission to be strong (but deny yourself credit) by convincing yourself God did it.
  • With great power comes great accountability… unless you’re running for president of the United States. That comes with great immunity.
  • Is Hillary Clinton fit to serve in the military, much less lead it? I doubt anyone who’s had a top security clearance (like me) believes so.
  • The FBI found Hillary Clinton guilty of misconduct but cleared her of wrongdoing. This proves the government is ramrodding her into POTUS.
  • Breaking rules a soldier would get an Article 15, demotion and loss of security clearance for disqualifies you from being commander in chief.
  • When the country with the largest prison population celebrates its freedoms, it’s celebrating a delusion.
  • America’s police celebrate America’s freedoms every July 4th by giving tickets to citizens for drinking and using fireworks too liberally.
  • The NSA wished Americans a happy Independence Day yesterday on Twitter. No need to tell them what you wished for. They already know.
  • It defeats the purpose of having a system if the system makes everyone too busy/poor to exercise, eat healthy or have a secure retirement.
  • July 4th is the day Americans are supposed to take time to appreciate their freedoms… even if they’re not free to take that time off work.
  • Democracy is broken in America when the people have to pick between two presidential candidates nobody would have picked to be candidates.
  • I bet Chinese kids who make fireworks look down on American kids, who can’t be trusted to use the fireworks they made, without supervision.
  • Refusing to question rules/orders doesn’t make you morally strong/pure but intellectually weak/lazy.
  • When someone tells you to respect authority, they’re really telling you to embrace subjugation.
  • You don’t hear maggots at the bottom of trash bags asking why life isn’t fair. Well, we’re maggots at the bottom of a cosmic trash bag.
  • Health insurance protects you from extortion if you get sick by extorting you if you stay healthy.
  • If you earn minimum wage, plan to work at least 5 months per year to save towards your landlord’s retirement.
  • If you earn minimum wage, plan to spends 3 months per year working and saving towards your car mechanic’s retirement.
  • It doesn’t prove easy access to guns keeps us safer when a gun bought from Wal-Mart is used to stop a shooter who bought a gun at Wal-Mart.
  • The British defeated the Maoris by selling them guns, which they slaughtered each other with. Corporations did the same thing to Americans.
  • Putting money in a church offering plate doesn’t show God how much you care. It just shows men in expensive clothes how gullible you are.
  • Putting money in a church offering plate doesn’t grease God’s palms, just the clergy’s.
  • Every 4 years the world should donate their Olympic budgets to building a free mega school instead of investing it in sweat and fraud.
  • When the cheapest rent you can find costs at least two weeks of your wages, your politicians aren’t doing their jobs.
  • You can’t become a pro until you’ve made all the rookie mistakes.
  • If you think about the solutions to your problems more than the causes, you’re going to have a better time.
  • In order to stay limber you have to move limber.
  • If you pay rent, you’re effectively an indentured servant to your landlord.
  • If Bernie Sanders can beat Hillary Clinton in the popular vote and still lose, you’d be foolish to think Donald Trump’s polls matter either.
  • The question you should be asking isn’t, “Why are immigrants being let in my country?” but “Why isn’t everyone allowed to go everywhere?”
  • The world’s problems have many seeds, but most of them wouldn’t have grown into banyan trees without being watered thoroughly with poverty.
  • Hospitals give patients bills inflated with insanely high bullshit charges and are surprised when so few customers just don’t pay. #fuckyou2
  • The police are doing a pretty good job at protecting me from illegal robbery. They’re doing a terrible job protecting me from legal robbery.
  • If the US government ever actually makes guns illegal, it won’t be to control gun advocates. It will be to bait them into a civil war.
  • We can accept you being fat, but no amount of social justice awareness can convince your organs to.
  • Any government that selects Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump as its two favorite people has it priorities hopelessly screwed up.
  • Money has no inherent value. Billionaires devote their time to exploiting people, robbing them of their time, to horde the illusion of value
  • They say capitalism isn’t perfect, but it’s the best we’ve got. So I guess we need to replace it with something that’s never been done.
  • If you hate the Quran for saying it’s okay to kill non-Muslims, then you should hate the Torah for saying it’s okay to kill non-Jews.
  • Everyone deserves respect, but the fat acceptance movement is morally equivalent to a smoker’s acceptance movement.
  • If you charge people who drive a $3,000 car, $3,000 for an hour of work. You’re why they’re struggling to survive and can’t have nice things
  • Slaves pick the vegetables you would buy at the grocery store if they weren’t too expensive. That’s how capitalism works.
  • It sucks that whenever there’s a mass shooting, one of the first questions it raises is, “What freedoms will we lose now?”
  • Most Wal Mart workers barely make enough $ to survive. The owners have as much $ as a small country. That’s how trickle down economics works.
  • Knowledge is memorizing a road map of Europe. Wisdom is being able to find the easiest route to Amsterdam.
  • A wise man asks himself what the most important questions are, and then tries to solve them.
  • A man is knowledgeable if he can recite the answers to many questions, but he is a fool if he can’t answer the most important questions.
  • If you find yourself celebrating the deaths of innocent civilians, it’s time to consider you might be one of the bad guys.
  • Uncle Sam lets us to vote on which hand he punches us in the dick with. If we don’t vote, we can’t complain when the decision is made for us
  • You need to forgive yourself, not convince yourself that God has.
  • Personal organizer/planning books and motivational speakers exist to help you manage and cope with your slavery.
  • Obamacare solves the problem of unaffordable healthcare by selling unaffordable insurance that doesn’t cover the cost of healthcare.
  • Americans don’t pick who runs for president, and delegates pick who wins. We don’t choose our presidents. They’re forced on us.
  • “The NRA advocates mutually assured destruction as the best way to guarantee our safety. Their motto should be “Salvation through fear.”
  • Sticking to a decision requires a reason, not will power.
  • American politicians who are against election fraud should be against super delegates, whose sole purpose is to rig elections.
  • Capitalism posits that we can achieve the greatest good by competing with each other for survival instead of cooperating.
  • The less you aspire to learn, the less you will become.
  • Americans don’t suffer and die because there aren’t enough rules, but because there are too many.
  • There are more jobs that don’t pay a living wage than there are that do. That’s now how an economy is supposed to work.
  • When that which is good for the economy isn’t good for the workers, you’ve got the wrong kind of economy.
  • Muhammad Ali punched people in the face for a living. He distracted us from our real problems, which have gotten worse while we zoned out.
  • If Palestinians were gorillas, America would be sending its children to save them.
  • You wouldn’t be arguing if your opponent were willing to listen.Arguing is just a test to see who’ll shout loudest and who’ll give up first.
  • Everyone is smarter than the average person about at least one thing.
  • The more people you correct on chat forums and message boards, the more likely you’re just an arrogant idiot.
  • Memorial Day is the perfect day to ask why America has more prisoners than any other country.
  • Big businesses have more to be thankful for on Memorial day than the average wage slave worker.
  • Today we remember all the striking workers shot by the National Guard and civilians shot by police. Or not.
  • Money should be a luxury, not a necessity.
  • If you value life, then treat it with respect. Boom. Morality explained.
  • You don’t need a religious book to prove life is valuable. Humans knew that before we taught ourselves how to speak.
  • Anyone who educates themself is a hero.
  • Your favorite show is the least important thing happening in the world.
  • If you can’t vote directly on how 100% of your taxes are spent, then you don’t own your government. It owns you.
  • A country only cares about its people as much as it cares about its prisoners.
  • When wine connoisseurs talk about the do’s and don’ts of drinking wine, I think, “Man, I don’t try to tell you how you should use ketchup.”
  • The poorer you are, the more people you know who hate their jobs. The richer you are, the more people you know who take 2 hour lunch breaks.
  • Paying five year’s wages for a life saving operation is the epitome of extortion.
  • Doctors give you life via medicine and surgery then take it away via bills.
  • Strip malls are the new cotton fields.
  • I’m writing a blog attempting to define what art is. Trying to describe a meta mind-fuck is taxing my brain.
  • The Bible doesn’t say, “If you want to be perfect, oppress gays.” It says, “If you want to be perfect, give away everything you own.”
  • The bigger the ego, the smaller the mind.
  • Your tax dollars would keep you a lot safer if the government paid for all your groceries instead of putting patrol cars on every street.
  • I hope the next version of Windows comes with a feature that let’s you turn off Windows rearranging your desktop icons all the time.
  • Either the Iraq war was started by dumb people screwing up or smart people being evil. Either way, America needs a better political system.
  • I worry Disney makes all their heroes royalty because they want us to glorify rulers & believe we’re royal too, not the slaves we really are
  • I worry how much work will be left for authors when Google’s A.I. learns how to write books.
  • There’s a special place in Hell for whoever decided to charge for parking at hospitals.
  • Not being able to afford to survive is a more imminent threat to Americans than terrorism. The source of that problem is in Washington DC.
  • What you want your government to be like matters more than what your forefathers wanted their government to be like.
  • If welfare can pay more than a job, that’s not a sign we live in a welfare state. It’s a sign we live in a slave state.
  • Every time you talk about the latest dead celebrity, you distract attention and dialogue away from the world’s real problems.
  • When your government takes away your freedoms for your own good, they’re taking the position that freedom is no good.
  • Banks are too big to fail. The poor are set up to fail.
  • Every time you leave a black spot on someone else, you leave a black spot on your soul/psyche.
  • The cuter an animal is, the more likely humans are to put it in a cage.
  • The only person who really wins in an argument is the one who learns something.
  • America isn’t designed to set you up for retirement. It’s designed to set you up for bankruptcy.
  • If you have to worry about the police protecting you from yourself, you’re not free.
  • The TSA would help more people if it sold its scanners and bought farm land and paid its staff to farm and give free food to the poor.
  • Poor Americans live in greater daily fear of the threat of starvation than the threat of terrorism.
  • America tried to use a winner-take-all voting system to represent the will of a nation so diverse it’s known as “the great melting pot.”
  • You are what you eat. If you eat processes food, you will become cancerous.
  • I feel like it’s only a matter of time before Microsoft starts selling advertising space on your boot up and log in screens.
  • If you want to feel free then think of police quotas as freedom quotas.
  • You’ll be told America is the land of the free until you try to enter one of its national parks. Then you’ll be told to pay up or piss off.
  • It’s hard to get high on life when life is the suburbs.
  • America’s military will fight anyone who tries to take away Americans’ freedoms… everyone except employers. Then they back ’em.
  • Quickest way to make a Christian happy: Let them try to convert you. Quickest way to make a Christian angry: Try to convert them.
  • If you must have faith in someone, have faith in someone who questions their own ideas, not someone who threatens you for questioning them.
  • America has a drug epidemic because it has a hopelessness epidemic.
  • I have the freedom of speech and religion! Can’t wait to exercise them when bills don’t have me chained to my day job.
  • Poor Americans live with more fear than freedoms.
  • Building a $25 billion garden would solve more problems than building a $25 billion wall between America and Mexico.
  • The Earth doesn’t have enough resources to sustain an economy in which everything you consume comes in a bag and a box.
  • If you still have to go to work when you’re sick, you don’t live in the land of the free.
  • The true value of a company isn’t determined by its stock price but by the quality of life of its employees and customers.
  • 1 Timothy 6: “All who are under the yoke of slavery should consider their masters worthy of full respect.” That’s in the Bible.
  • Someone who plans to use anything you say against you in a court of law is not there to serve and protect you.
  • If your life feels like a rat race, then you don’t live in the land of the free.
  • The less alcohol you drink, the better your body will feel when you’re sober.
  • There are millions of people who have never eaten anything that didn’t come out of a bag or a box. #notmyutopia
  • Network with fools and you’ll reap with fools. Network with succeeders and you’ll reap with succeeders.
  • The more your political candidate blames the nation’s problems on a minority group, the more you should compare them to historical tyrants.
  • The more your leaders say you should be obedient to their ideology the more you should question them.
  • Suburbia is the perfection of for-profit prisons.
  • Let’s everyone (except the homeless, prisoners, soldiers, slaves, refugees, and terminally ill) celebrate another apocalypse-free year.
  • If you’re always bitching it’s because you’re always looking for things to bitch about.
  • I know a guy who had a warrant issued for his arrest for not mowing his lawn. #landofthefree
  • If you join the military, never forget that you’re fighting to defend a $7.25 minimum wage.
  • Holding other people accountable for how you feel disempowers you and burdens them.
  • If you have time to bitch about other people, you have time to do anything else that doesn’t waste your time being petty and negative.
  • Christmas is about pretending it’s about love or religion while you’re really just being a gullible consumer whore who is in denial.
  • No one but you is responsible for you throwing a tantrum.
  • Strange that Jesus supposedly came to Earth to save humanity, yet he endorsed slavery. #notmysavior
  • The more expensive of a car you drive to church the more you’re defeating the purpose.
  • I think it was Jesus who said, “If you want treasure in Heaven, then go, sell all your church’s multimedia equipment and give to the poor.”
  • There’s a direct correlation between how much a person looks at things from others’ point of view and their tendency to kindness/hurtfulness
  • How do you spot a consumer whore? By all the Star Wars merchandise they own.
  • Everyone knows something you don’t, even the greatest fool you loath.
  • Why is it that the most entitled, spoiled, bitchy customers are always either the richest or the poorest customers?
  • Friends playing on their phones around you is either a sign technology is tearing us apart or Candy Crush is just more interesting than you.
  • The slogan of every subdivision and strip mall construction company should be: “Building an unsustainable tomorrow, today.”
  • Capitalism doesn’t hate socialism and communism because they’re a threat to mankind but because they’re a threat to executives’ profits.
  • You can get your video game character to level 60 or your real self in real life to level 60. Pick one.
  • If you have time to talk about what you’re going to do, then you have time to do it.
  • Any store that sells cigarettes will gladly kill you for money.
  • It takes less time to be calm than it does to panic.
  • What if life is just God’s television?
  • TV commercials are just sales pitches from con artists.
  • Let’s hope and pray people stop believing in mythologies.
  • If your religious beliefs aren’t based on reality then you deserve to be treated like you believe in mythology.
  • I served in the U.S. Air Force from 2000-2007. Don’t thank me for my service. Americans lost freedoms on my watch.
  • All of tomorrow’s geniuses are stubborn idiots today.
  • If you want to turn a bad person good, educating them is far more effective than scaring them.
  • Most of the largest nations in the world have troops fighting in the Middle East. Isn’t that the definition of World War 3?
  • You’ve learned something everywhere you’ve been. If you don’t write it down, it’s only a matter of time until you forget.
  • I wish Hollywood would make a dating advice show starring Danny Trejo.
  • Ideas should be questioned to death, not defended to the death.
  • Let’s just eliminate university and make public high school 4 years longer. It’ll be cheaper, and we’d get a better education.
  • God isn’t cruel. The universe just doesn’t revolve around you or us.
  • Companies that are big enough to fund every congressperson’s career are too big to fail.
  • Imagine if we all loved each other as much as we love our pets.
  • Success requires energy. Does your lifestyle boost or drain your energy? There might be a correlation.
  • There is no problem that can’t be solved without being an ass hole.
  • Labor Day isn’t a celebration of freedom. It’s a distraction from the reality that we’re all wage slaves.
  • Every city in the world has opportunities that only exist there and nowhere else. Take advantage of yours.
  • Sending people to jail for using drugs is like shooting them in the face to protect them from shooting themselves in the foot.
  • The amount you are more or less stupid then anyone else is fractions of a degree.
  • Maybe the U.S.A. shouldn’t have more citizens in prison than any country in the world.
  • The Baby Boomers didn’t start the fire, but they kept it burning bright. Then my generation took the torch obediently and enthusiastically.
  • Nobody you knew yesterday is the same person today.
  • The less you stretch and use your muscles the more they’ll hurt.
  • Repetitive pains in peoples’ bodies are usually caused by their repetitive lifestyle.
  • The more you ask yourself what’s most important in life, the better you’ll understand that and live accordingly.
  • If you have a good reason to be mean to someone, it doesn’t mean you’re justified. It means you’re great at justifying being an asshole.
  • If you’re afraid of your police then you probably don’t live in the land of the free.
  • Christianity summarized:Obey God. Have faith in Him or He kills you. He loves you. Ask anything, but don’t expect a reply. Give Him money.
  • The Bible hasn’t lasted for centuries because it passes the test for truth. It lasted so long because it forbids you from questioning it.
  • If you’re going to gamble your money away, the stock market is way more exciting than lottery tickets.
  • If you meet a dragon, don’t have a fire- breathing contest with it.
  • Most car accidents happen within 10 miles of people’s home because most people can’t afford to drive more than 10 miles away from home.
  • When Americans aren’t in prison they have more than twice the space at home.
  • The question isn’t, what does it mean when someone tells you they love you. The question is, what do they mean when they say, “I love you.”
  • The better you are at making people happy, the more the world will be your oyster.
  • If life doesn’t give you excuses to be happy, you just have to do it yourself or be miserable forever.
  • When a few people are stressed and pissed, change a few things. When most people are, change the fundamentals.
  • Thinking is as important to your immediate survival as exercising. In the long run it’s more important.
  • The Bible is against homosexuality and adultery, but you will never ever hear a Christian rail against adulterers marrying. Ever.
  • The more you tell people how much smarter you are than most people, the more likely you’re just dumb and arrogant.
  • Step one of everything you will ever do is to love yourself.
  • When you drink and smoke to celebrate life you celebrate life by killing yourself and lowering your potential to make the most out of life.
  • I sometimes wonder: If God exists, did God create everything just to see some good artwork, hear some good music, have some great sex, etc.?
  • If you want your lover to live, work and love you to their fullest, then build them up constantly. If you want the opposite, tear them down.
  • Every human’s quality of life is directly proportional to the number of humans who are in a lifelong quest for truth and knowledge.
  • Your lover doesn’t listen to you when you shout at them because they’re deafened by the sound of you fucking up your relationship.
  • The more mistakes you make doing something, the more qualified you become to master that thing.
  • Cussing people out on the internet proves nothing except that you desperately need to take a conflict resolution class.
  • If you think people who aren’t like you should emigrate, you should petition your government to make emigration not damn near impossible.
  • The more you talk about movies and celebrities, the more you distract from the problems you watch movies to escape from in the first place.
  • If you believe in God and want to thank Him/Her/It for helping you in your time of need, then help someone else. Words are just lip service.
  • Nobody replies to your Facebook posts asking who your real friends are because they unfollowed you for posting dumb shit all the time.
  • Ignorance of sex is more dangerous than sex.
  • Believing in things there is no evidence for doesn’t make you open minded. It makes you gullible.
  • Ask your Christian friends to explain Leviticus 19: 20-22 to you.
  • If God is everything, then God is experiencing what we are. Think about that next time you’re mean to someone.
  • Life’s tough. Life’s tougher when you get furious over semantics.
  • The more paranoid your lover is of you cheating on them, the more likely they’re already cheating on you.
  • You won’t find total peace in sobriety, but you will find far less peace in addiction.
  • Constantly listen to old songs that your brain already associates with previous experiences and thoughts? You may be living in the past.
  • “I did the best I could,” is usually an excuse used by people who didn’t do the best they could.
  • How do atheists know which rules to follow? The same way Christians know which rules in the Bible not to follow.
  • Oh my God! You’re a real vampire! Said no dentist ever.
  • Everyone is partly good & bad. You can choose to focus/dwell on either side. Both are right, but beware where both paths lead you.
  • You can’t improve your relationship by bitching.
  • America should change its slogan from “the land of the free” to “arbeit macht frei.”
  • The more time you put into thinking about things that make you sad and angry, the sadder and angrier you’ll probably be.
  • The more effort you put into thinking about things that make you happy and inspire you, the happier and more inspired you’ll probably be.
  • The Bible says divorce is evil because women are property. If you don’t believe in slavery, there’s no Biblical reason not to get divorced.
  • Every soldier who ever died, died in vain every time a cop punishes a tax payer for a victimless crime.
  • The more you believe that tearing down a customer service employees is justified, the bleaker of a person you probably are inside.
  • If you don’t have a plan how you’re going to make life better for yourself, it won’t.
  • If you can find out where a person came from and where they want to go, then you can predict what they’ll likely do in-between.
  • The best competitors show up to very few competitions you compete in. Sometimes bad competitors win because they’re the only people there.
  • Poisoning yourself constantly is a great way to weaken your immune system.
  • If America were the land of the free nobody would have to work 40 hours per week or die homeless.
  • I don’t know why people riot, but I have noticed that I un-oppressed people rarely do.
  • “I did the best I could,” is usually an excuse used by people who didn’t do the best they could.
  • Machines designed specifically to kill people don’t kill people. People kill people with machines designed specifically to kill people.
  • Writer = idea maker + communicator.
  • Each thought only comes around once a lifetime. Unless no part of you cares about them being lost/remembered, write them down. Last chance.
  • The more angry someone is at you, the less likely you’re at fault and the more likely you’re a victim of them projecting.
  • You probably think about the same few topics occasionally, every day. You may want to spend more time asking what topics are more important
  • The most productive way to be in love with your lover isn’t to be as infatuated as possible with them as all the time.
  • If you had shitty parents, you should seek therapy. If you know someone who had shitty parents, they should seek therapy.
  • Bragging is far more likely to convince people you’re a pompous ass than a bad ass.
  • You’ll almost always be swamped with important, pressing issues. Festering over people who wronged you ages ago is never a priority.
  • You won’t find total peace in sobriety, but you will find far less peace in addiction.
  • Someone who isn’t thinking rationally won’t come to a rational conclusion even if you serve it to them on a silver platter.
  • The difference between confident and cocky is that the first means, “I got it covered.” The second says, “I’m better than you.”
  • Every time you’re rude to someone you burn a bridge to an ally.
  • If you’ve got time to come up with excuses, you’ve got time to come up with solutions.
  • You can measure how horrible you’re capable of being by adding up all the situations where you believe being mean to others is justified.
  • The more you complain about a problem, the less you’re probably doing anything about it.
  • The sources of people’s unhappiness are usually found in their lifestyle. If you’re unhappy, that’s where your life probably needs change.
  • Tyranny cannot exist unless good people uphold bad laws in the name of duty and patriotism.
  • You can measure how unfulfilling your country is by how much television you watch.
  • If you think the world is divided between “us and them,” I guarantee you’re one of them.
  • If more than 2 people have called you an asshole, it’s probably because you are.
  • The more times you use the word “fuck” in an argument, the less favorable the outcome is likely to be for you.
  • The more often you brag about how smart you are, the more wrong you probably are.
  • Children need and want answers just as much as adults, but all they get from adults are mythologies and psychotic cartoons. #farfromutopia
  • In case you didn’t learn this in elementary school, the secret to long life is keeping all your organ systems healthy all the time.
  • The future matters more than the past.
  • Marriage is more dangerous than driving. You should have to take a 6 month marriage education course before getting a marriage license.
  • If America is a land “of the people, by the people, for the people,” then why is it a gruesome fucking rat race?
  • To better understand why you are the way you are, ask your parents to explain in detail what your life was like between ages 1-5.
  • In nobody’s utopia do people fear the police. In everyone’s dystopia the general public fears the police. #howareyourpolice?
  • If there is no afterlife then we were created to be a spectacle or because mortality is more precious than we understand.
  • “When a real estate agent says: “”Are you a first time home buyer?” What a real estate agent means: “Are you a first time debt prisoner?”
  • If you can organize a country to vote for a president every 4 years then you can organize a country to vote on important issues every year.
  • When you don’t bring up the problem in the room you become part of the problem. Do something long enough and you’ll come to accept/defend it
  • The biggest problem in the world right now is that not enough people are talking enough about the biggest problems in the world enough.
  • Kids, don’t get too excited about getting into the adult world and being treated like an adult. You never stop getting treated like a kid.
  • If you think poor people are all lazy and irresponsible, consider that majority of people on Earth are poor. Maybe the problem is systemic.
  • Every time a cop gives a ticket to meet a quota they defeat the purpose of police existing.
  • It’s not that young people don’t know what they want to do with their lives. It’s that they don’t know which shit job they should settle for
  • You are what you eat. In possibly unrelated news, you’re probably also going to die of cancer.
  • If America is the land of the free, then those must be freedom fines, freedom fees and freedom tickets I keep getting.
  • Making cars wait as you walk across the road all slow and gangsta lets strangers know you’re selfish, petty and insecure, not tough.
  • Crushing people’s hand when you shake it is a great way to let people know you have to make a dick waving competition out of everything.
  • Nothing was ever built on excuses.
  • Nobody wants you to impress them. They just want you to entertain and flatter them.
  • No problem has ever been solved or improved by alcohol.
  • Hurting someone all the time trains them to feel hurt and angry all the time.
  • If someone is mean to you because you did something wrong, it’s not because you did something wrong; its because they’re mean.
  • Surrounding yourself with good people is like cheating at life. Surrounding yourself with bad people is like cheating at failure.
  • Everyone who’s opinion of you, you worry about, will die one day. Then their opinion won’t matter one damn bit, as it never did.
  • If your lover acts obsessively possessive, suspicious and jealous, they’re cheating on you. I guarantee it.
  • There’s no point arguing with people who value winning more than truth, which in my experience, is most people.
  • The word “theology” is just “mythology” rebranded to not sound exactly like what it really is.
  • Disregarding useful advice just because the person giving it is a fool or a hypocrite is foolishness. You can learn something from anyone.
  • An honest history book would call The Spanish Inquisition, The Christian Inquisition and The Crusades, The Christian Wars.
  • If it’s a sin to question your government then it’s a sin to fix corruption.
  • It takes every cop and soldier working together with the best of intentions to prop up a corrupt government.
  • Poverty isn’t an accidental byproduct of capitalism. It’s 99% of the point.
  • If you base one iota of your identity around your affiliation with a pro sports team, you’re a woefully gullible consumer whore.
  • The rich terrorize and hurt more poor people everyday than the most extreme Jihadist could ever hope to achieve.
  • The more you don’t want to hear you’re wrong, the more you’re probably wrong.
  • If you’ve never asked yourself what you would do with your free time if you won the lottery then you may not have defined your destiny.
  • You learn and grow more from listening than from talking.
  • Obsessing over how much you’re worth squanders time you could spend getting on with your life.
  • If you’re always angrily proving you’re right, you’re probably actually angrily defending your misconceptions.
  • Chronic drug use is not a recipe for chronic stress relief. It’s a recipe for chronic cell death.
  • Everybody who knows you knows what’s wrong with you, but they won’t tell you because they know you won’t listen.
  • Not being able to see or think straight is your body’s way of telling you that you’re killing it with poison.
  • Just because you haven’t done something doesn’t mean you can’t do that thing.
  • Everybody doesn’t have what it takes to make it in a cut-throat economy. So maybe we shouldn’t have a cut-throat economy.
  • If someone accuses you of doing something bad and you get aggressively defense, you’re not looking at the situation from their point of view.
  • If your solution to an interpersonal problem involves you being a dick head, it’s going to backfire. I guarantee it.
  • A government capable of building roads for all its tax payers is capable of building homes for all its tax payers.
  • Monthly bills didn’t exist until humans made them. If humans are can make the Internet we should be able to make a world without bills.
  • Reality is bigger than the culture you were raised in.
  • Rules were invented to serve people, not the other way around.
  • Part of growing up is learning to bring closure to bad memories without the involvement of the people who gave you those memories.
  • If someone tells you that you fucked up, there’s more than a 50% chance they’re not completely wrong.
  • If you can’t figure out a better way to respond to anger than with hatred… You’re obviously not trying .
  • If you go to a job interview in America, don’t say, “I’m a creative thinker.” Instead, say, “I love to work.” They want slaves, not thinkers
  • When you get bored, clean your house. You need to do it anyway. You have the time, and you’ll feel good about it afterwards.
  • You’re more likely to succeed as an author by writing 100 books that are 90% perfect than writing 1 book that is 100% perfect.
  • Believing in Christianity doesn’t require faith without evidence. It requires denial of overwhelming evidence. #christianityismythology
  • Everyone detests arrogant people. Know that when you walk around acting like you’re better than everyone…everyone is looking down on you.
  • You can only be mean to someone so many times before they act mean back to you. Same goes with being kind.
  • The more you celebrate your lover the more they’ll celebrate you. The more you disparage your lover the more they’ll disparage you.
  • Only a gullible fool or someone who doesn’t want you to know a truth would tell you skepticism is a character flaw.
  • For every 1 thing you tell your lover you don’t like about them, tell them 1,000 things you do like about them.
  • I’m not saying don’t help people. Just be aware that giving people constructive criticism is more likely to piss them off than help them.
  • If you hate yourself, your life is going to suck no matter what… until you deal with why you hate yourself.
  • The reason you have unexplainable muscle pains is because you do the same things with your body every day.
  • Your day will probably be as wonderful as you are.
  • Most poor people aren’t poor because they’re lazy. They’re poor because rich people horded all the money and created a false scarcity.
  • Cheating is just taking the shortest path from Point A to Point B. This rule applies to accomplishing goals with imposed limits,not fidelity
  • Your dreams are waiting for you to stop making excuses.
  • If you could learn anything, what would you learn? If you’re not already learning it, why aren’t you?
  • “What’s important in life?” you ask. Well, keep asking yourself that for the rest of your life, and hope your answer isn’t totally wrong.
  • Learn something new every day and it’s only a matter of time until you become a better person… especially if you learn important things.
  • Knowledge is just retaining rote facts. Wisdom is finding/deducing rote facts that help you accomplish the most important goal in life.
  • If you do one thing all day, every day, it’s only a matter of time until you become professionally good at that thing.
  • Neanderthals probably went extinct because Homo Sapiens committed genocide… which would probably make a pretty cool movie.
  • It’s harder to appreciate life when you’re poisoning your body everyday.
  • The cure for lethargy is activity.
  • Control your thoughts and you control your destiny. What’s more important than your destiny? .
  • Don’t expect life to just calm you down,center and focus your attention everyday.If you don’t consciously do that yourself it won’t happen.
  • You could hold on tightly to all the regrets, grievances and pains of your past forever… but what would be the point?
  • Everyone deserves a second chance, but be aware that almost nobody ever changes.
  • The people who hurt you in the past don’t exist anymore… and neither do the people they hurt.
  • Whatever tone of voice you use with someone, they’ll probably use the same one back.
  • My blog shows me the words people Google before clicking my blog. Every week someone asks the internet, “Why am I surrounded by idiots?”
  • My blog, “How to go down on a girl” gets about 5,000 hits per month. “How to go down on a guy” gets about 900. I find this interesting.
  • America has over 2 million prisoners (mostly nonviolent drug offenders)… who all wish someone was fighting for their freedom.
  • The biggest problem in most people’s lives is their lack of problem solving skills.
  • The latest pope is doing a terrible job of pretending to have a direct connection with the creator of the universe.
  • I wish someone would make a horror movie about giant cats with snake fangs or dogs with shark heads.
  • A lack of faith in the unproven is not a character flaw. Not rigorously scrutinizing things before believing them is.
  • Women are more likely to talk about how men should love them despite their weight than they are to talk about how much they love fat guys.
  • If you drink and smoke every day… that’s probably all you’ll ever be able to afford to do.
  • Having a bad day is not a valid excuse to be hurtful to other people. But any 10 year old could have told you that.
  • Your body is 98% water.You’re a walking waterfall. Everything your body does uses water.Drink 2 liters of water daily or die sick.
  • We should replace the phrase on the American dollar, “In God we trust,” with “God save the poor from the rich.”
  • When someone says, “I’ll pray for you.” What they’re really saying is, “I’ll do nothing for you while being self-righteous about it.”
  • Imagine what the world would be like if the masses got as worked up over poverty (or any issue that matters) as they do over sports.
  • Most important thing happening in America today: A few brain damaged rich guys are carrying a ball back and forth between two lines.
  • When you watch television you pass up opportunities to succeed at life by investing your time watching other people succeed at life.
  • If you choose to bail someone out every time they screw up, their problems will always be your problems and yours alone.
  • An apology is not a substitute for changing bad behavior.
  • In a world where everything costs money, it stings to go anywhere or do anything.
  • You’d be surprised what people will give you sometimes if you just ask.
  • How do Atheists know which rules to follow? The same way Christians know which rules in the Bible not to follow.
  • There are two kinds of people in this world: Those who have an excuse for everything, and those who don’t have to make excuses.
  • Smart men started The War in Iraq, which only accomplished destabilizing the middle east. Makes you wonder if that was the whole point.
  • Our soldiers have been protecting our freedoms by killing foreign goat herders while our police and politicians take our freedoms away.
  • As a veteran,I feel sick and guilty when Americans thank me for “fighting” for their freedom.You lost freedoms on my watch.
  • If someone pushes you down, it’s their fault you’re down. If you don’t do everything you can to get up, it’s your fault you’re still down.
  • Republicans won’t stand to hear anyone saying one unkind word about America or its leaders… unless you say all the hateful things they do.
  • This is what I think everytime I hear someone say the minimum wage is too high or shouldn’t exist: http://t.co/A5cM8AaNEQ
  • Women, you don’t have to manipulate men to do what you want. Just give him a blowjob. He’ll do whatever you want and love you more too.
  • Trying something new is usually preferable to doing something old. Even if you don’t like it, you still learn something new. That’s winning.
  • Capitalism defines the value of human life as being equal to the least amount of money the most desperate person will work for to survive.
  • If you only care about yourself, you don’t give other people much reason to care about you. In fact, you give them good reason not to.
  • Packaged foods that takes longer than a year to expire are basically M.R.E.’s and should only be eaten in emergency survival situations.
  • Statistically speaking, you should be gravely concerned about your inability to accept responsibility for your actions.
  • How to be an adult: Realize that your age has no bearing on how much other people should respect you or how much you should respect them.
  • How to be an adult: Don’t get hurt, defensive and belligerent when someone informs you you’re wrong about something. Instead, say thank you.
  • Why are promiscuous men called studs while promiscuous women are called sluts? That’s because women shame their competition while men don’t
  • Some people say it’s inherently immoral to criticize religion… but nobody says its wrong to criticize mythology. #allreligionismythology
  • If you’re going to spend money on anything, buy good shoes and a good bed. You’ll spend half your life in one, and half in the other.
  • If you play the song “Let It Go” from Disney’s “Frozen” while watching internet porn, the lyrics will sync with the action every time.
  • 99% of men masturbate. That’s 99% of the men you’ve shaken hands with.
  • Shortest explanation of USA politics: Most elected politicians are professional campaigners who work almost exclusively for their donors.
  • I bet Thomas Edison, Ben Franklin, and Isaac Netwon would be happy that their work led to the Internet, which is mainly used to share porn.
  • Jesus came to earth with infinite cosmic power… which he used to make more booze without having to run to the store or pay for it.
  • When Jesus said, “He who is without sin, throw the first stone…” He was criticizing the law… the infallible, divine law that HE wrote.
  • First God says to kill fornicators. Then God comes to Earth to save the world by impregnating a virgin. Way to make your job harder, God.
  • Shortest summary of the Bible: God used to be a blood snorting psychopath, but he killed himself and snorted his own blood. Now God is love.
  • I’ve watched excuses ruin more people’s lives than anything else.

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