Tweets by The Wise Sloth #12: Dating, Cheating, Exes, Masturbation, Oral Sex and Lust

Cartoon image of a sloth sitting on a mountain top. He is wearing a yellow robe. His head is bowed with his eyes shut, and beams of light shine from around his head. With his left arm, he is holding one finger in the air. Above him are the words, "Tweets by The Wise Sloth."

Ignorance of sex is more dangerous than sex.

Women obsess over men pleasing them emotionally, and men obsess over pleasing women physically. #oops

Members of the opposite sex who don’t want to be with you rarely go out of their way to spend time with you.

Some people are confident in social situations because they practice success. Other people are confident because they just don’t give a fuck.

Women are more likely to talk about how men should love them despite their weight than they are to talk about how much they love fat guys.

Promiscuous men are called studs while promiscuous women are called sluts because women shame their competition while men give credit where credit is due.

The more paranoid your lover is of you cheating on them, the more likely they’re already cheating on you.

Either all your exes are jerks or nobody wants to stay with a spoiled brat who throws hate-tantrums every time you don’t get what you want.

The more you shit-test your lover, bitch at them and tear them down, the more threatened you should feel by sex robots.

When men don’t get pussy, they turn into werewolves. When women don’t get dick, they turn into banshees.

99% of men masturbate. That’s 99% of the men you’ve shaken hands with.

My blog, “How to go down on a girl” gets about 5,000 hits per month. “How to go down on a guy” gets about 900. I find this interesting.

Masturbating is like cooking. You can prepare a fine meal or grab a burger to go. Call me crazy, but I prefer Thanksgiving over fast food.

You cross a line and do something to your soul when you wear sweat pants to a strip club.

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