Category Archives: Inspirational and Self-Help

Tales From The Wise Sloth: The Time I Got HIV

In 2005 I was a Senior Airman (rank E-4) in the U.S. Air Force. My job title was 3C0X1, aka Communications Computer Systems Operator, aka all-purpose computer nerd. I was stationed at Sembach Air Base, which is located in Southwest Germany, about a twenty minute drive from both Ramstein Air Base and the Army’s Landstuhl Medical Center.

smoke break

Since Ramstein is the largest Air Force base in Europe, and Landstuhl is the largest military hospital outside the continental United States, this is where the military sends all the wounded soldiers from the Middle East. Several times a year, Sembach would have a blood drive due to the high volume of blood needed for all the incoming wounded soldiers. I love the idea of giving blood, but every time I do, my blood spews out so fast I get light headed, nauseous and almost pass out. They always have to elevate my head and put a cold pack on my neck, which is pretty embarrassing. However, that first world problem pales in comparison to soldiers needing emergency transfusions. So I did my duty and opened my veins for my brothers and sisters.

Another reason I’m hesitant to give blood is because I had hepatitis C when I was four years old. It wasn’t sexually transmitted, and I recovered from it. Multiple blood tests have shown it’s not in my system anymore. I couldn’t have enlisted if it was, but I always worried my blood might be dirty. However, this didn’t stop me from giving blood, because they test every donation for diseases. So if there was anything there, they’d catch it.

Since the military had already tested and inoculated me for everything you can be tested and inoculated for, I didn’t give my blood donation a second thought until a few weeks later when I stopped by the base post office to check my mail on my lunch break. That day I received an official letter from the military, which I had to sign for. This was highly unusual. So my heart rate was a little elevated when I opened the letter. My mind raced, trying to guess what I may have gotten in trouble for.

The news was much worse than I imagined. To my horror, the letter said my recent blood donation had tested positive for HIV, and I needed to contact the medical squadron as soon as possible to have another test done to confirm the results. By the time I finished reading the document, my head was spinning and darkness filled my peripheral vision.

I went back to work and tried to go through the rest of my day acting like nothing was wrong, but my head felt like a black hole, as if everything good had been sucked out of my life, leaving an existential vacuum in its place. Nothing mattered anymore. I was no longer working towards retirement. All of my hopes and dreams were unreachable. There was nothing left for me to do but wait to die… and give the bad news to my family, friends and most recent sexual partners.

Unable to face reality, I let a week pass without contacting the medical squadron. I walked through each day in a daze, watching what happened to me from a thousand miles away. I made a list of my sexual partners, which wasn’t long. I decided who the most likely culprit to give me this horrible disease was, a promiscuous Air Force girl from my previous base. I obsessed over who else I may have accidentally infected by having any kind of physical contact with, which I knew wasn’t possible, but my mind was stuck in panic mode.

I’d already had my last will and testament drawn up by a military lawyer a year earlier. So I didn’t have to worry about that, but I spent dozens of hours plotting my final words and trying to decide what to do with the few years I had left. As I ate tasteless food or carried on pointless small talk with my coworkers, I thought about my regrets and everything I wouldn’t get to do in the future. I didn’t try bargaining with God, because that would have been pointless. I was already a dead man walking. All I could do was make the most of my fleeting time and try to cry as little as possible. Mostly I thought about those poor souls I’d infected and needed to hurry up and pass on the tragic news to.

I didn’t want to tell anyone my secret until I knew for sure I had HIV. Lucky for them, even though I was dragging my feet, the Air Force wasn’t. A female nurse called me at work and asked if I’d received an official letter recently. I said, “Yes.” The nurse asked me what it was about, and I replied I’d rather not say out loud. I knew my boss, whose office sat caddy-corner from my desk, eavesdropped on my conversations. The nurse asked me to say the first letter of the pertinent word, and I said, “H.” After confirming she didn’t need to break the bad news to me herself, she scheduled an appointment at Ramstein a few days later for me to give more blood for further testing.

On the day of the test I told my boss I had to go to Ramstein for a routine medical checkup. Twenty minutes later I sulked into the medical clinic. As a male nurse quietly drew my blood, I asked how accurate the initial test was. He looked me in the eyes and said in a meaningful tone of voice, “Ninety-seven percent.”

I went home that night and got drunk, as I’d done every night for the past week. Even with all the lights in my apartment on, everything looked dark. It was like living in the Twilight Zone, where the rules of the universe were different for me, and not in a good way. The only ray of hope my mind could latch onto was that there had been a mistake, but I couldn’t take a three percent chance of a fluke happening seriously.  I’d have better odds of winning the lottery.

Fast forward several more months of bleakness, despair and blood tests. As fate would have it, I did win the Twilight Zone lottery. A ninety-seven percent accurate HIV test means three percent of the people who take it, win an existential nightmare that ends with them receiving a new lease on life. I’ve had more STD tests since then, and they all confirm I never had HIV. Plus, all of my sexual partners from that time are healthy and alive.

Part of my brain tells me I should be mad at the world for giving me a false death sentence, but in the end, it was a blessing in disguise. I almost feel bad for anyone who hasn’t had to go through that. It’s so easy to take life for granted and let the years slip by without really thinking about what’s important or how you should spend what little time you have on Earth. I basically got my mid-life crisis out of the way at the age of 25.

People told me I was crazy when I immigrated to New Zealand at the age of 29 despite having never visited the country. In my mind, the risk of not experiencing life to its fullest outweighed anything that could possibly go wrong. I only spent three years in New Zealand, and during that time a lot of things did go wrong, but experience has taught me, you’re not having an adventure if everything goes right. And as a wiser man than myself once said, “The summer would not be so sweet, were it not for the winter.” When bad things happen to me, and those two pieces of wisdom don’t put things into perspective, I can always remind myself, at least I don’t have AIDS.

The other thing I took away from this experience is that it’s important to leave something good behind when you inevitably die. I don’t have any money to shower the poor with, but the one thing I do have is wisdom gained through often unpleasant experiences that I don’t want to be in vain. This is a big part of why I’m in such a mad dash to write as much as I can regardless of how little it pays. I hope my blog and books inspire, enlighten and entertain you. That’s all I need to take to my grave.


Here’s a link to a free copy of my E-book, “Why: An Agnostic Perspective on the Meaning of Life.”

If you liked this story, you may like these other Tales From The Wise Sloth:

An imagined conversation with my abusive, narcissistic father

I haven’t spoken to my father in over ten years, and I’ve often imagined how our next conversation may go, if it ever happens. I needed to vent this for a while, but I didn’t because it’s TMI. I’m doing it anyway, not to be emo or fish for sympathy. My hope is that, if anyone else raised by an abusive, narcissistic parent reads this, it might make them feel less alone and less crazy.

If you identified with this post, you may enjoy the Reddit forum, “Raised by Narcissists.”

Tips on conversation: Part 1

Talking isn’t a competition. It’s an opportunity.

Humans have a tendency to approach conversations like a competition where the winner is whoever proves themselves the coolest, smartest, most successful, or most charming. But life isn’t a competition for social status. It’s nice when people like you, but in the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t matter. Nor are you under any obligation to like or impress anyone else. Think about it. How many times as someone completely changed your life after you impressed them in a conversation? Unless you’re married, probably never.

Trying to impress everybody is futile, because you’re completely incompatible with at least half of the people you meet. So you were never going to be friends anyway, and most of the people you do get to know will be gone from your life in a few years, rendering their opinion of you meaningless eventually.

There are more enjoyable and useful kinds of conversations  you can have than dick waving competitions. Use conversation as an opportunity to learn, have fun and connect with others. That’s what they’re for.

Nobody is out to judge you.

Nobody who cares about you will judge you, and nobody else cares enough about you to judge you. Ultimately, you’re just another face in the crowd who isn’t going to be around in a few years. Everyone is obsessed with themselves. When they talk to you, they’re only paying half attention to what you’re saying. The rest of their mind is busy thinking about their own needs and insecurities.

In fact, strangers are more likely to want to give you the benefit of the doubt, because we all want to believe we live in a good world, full of good people. When you meet someone new, don’t you hope they turn out to be nice and enjoyable? When you introduce yourself to someone, they’re most likely crossing their fingers, thinking, “Please, let this person be one of the good guys.” They don’t want you to impress them. They mostly just want you to not make their life harder.

It’s true, there are people out there who will judge you, but those people usually judge everyone. Habitually judging others is dysfunctional behavior that has more of a negative impact on the perpetrator’s life than the victims’. That kind of behavior fits the definition of a mental disorder. It’s not a sign of evil. It’s a condition that requires treatment. So when a judge-aholic looks down on you, don’t take it any more personally or seriously than you would someone with an eating disorder judging the size of your meal.

Nobody sees the real you. 

If society’s dress code required everyone to wear masks all the time, we would all be more confident. Hiding our faces makes us feel safer, because nobody can see the real “us.” The more anonymous we feel, the more permission we give ourselves to act as bold in real life as we would on an internet message board. This is ironic, because nobody will ever see anyone for who they really are. Everyone has a completely unique universe in their mind that only sound can escape. Trying to understand who a person is by talking to them, is like an astronomer trying to study the night sky using an ear horn.

Our internal universes are so unique and inaccessible, it’s impossible for us to accurately imagine what reality is like from anyone else’s perspective. Since we can’t see people for who they are, we fill in the blanks with patterns from our own universe. So no matter what you do or say, when anyone looks at you, they mostly see themselves. The way they treat you usually has more to do with how they treat themselves, than how you deserve to be treated. So take advantage of your anonymity to act outside your comfort zone, and don’t worry about what people say to a mirror.

The scarier talking to people is, the more you should seek help.

Talking to people isn’t war. Nobody wants your worst-case fears to come true. They don’t even want to think about it. They just want to feel good. Even if conversations do go bad, in the long run it doesn’t matter. Stressing out about failing in conversations is an irrational fear. That’s the definition of a “phobia,” specifically, social anxiety disorder.

Social anxiety exists only in your mind. You can turn it off like a light by thinking about anything else. If that doesn’t work, read some books on coping with social anxiety disorder and insecurity. If that doesn’t work, go see a mental health professional. Relief will only come as quickly as you pursue it.

The more you look at things from other people’s point of view, the less lost you’ll be. 

I learned some of the advice in this list from books, but I picked most of it up from watching people and trying to imagine life from their point of view. It’s easy, fun and enlightening. The more you understand where people are coming from, the better you can communicate with them. The less you understand them, the more lost you’ll be. If you don’t make a conscious decision to habitually look at conversations from other people’s point of view, you’ll always be lost.

Relax. We’re all apes here.

Some of my advice may seem contradictory, pessimistic or arrogant, but there’s a logical, impartial explanation for all of this. For example, I say people are unique, unknowable universes, but you can figure them out by watching them. I say people deserve love, but we’re all obsessed with ourselves. I say people are lost, ignorant and selfish, which raises the question, why don’t I live alone in the woods if everyone is so intolerably dumber than me?

Relax. I never said I was better than anyone else. The truth is, we’re all basically apes. We’re really clever apes, but our thought processes and motives are primitive enough to be predictable.

Apes are going to ape. That’s no reason to hate them. We may be goofy creatures, but we’re also cosmic miracles. The fact that we exist at all is reason enough to love us.

No matter how much better anyone thinks they are than anyone else, we’re all apes at the end of the day. There’s no reason to feel superior or inferior to anyone else. Nor is there any reason to stress over winning the approval of other apes. If someone ever throws shit at you, take it as personally as you would an ape throwing shit at you. If someone treats you divinely, cherish it. In the meantime, relax.

People would rather hear what they have to say than what you have to say.

When people talk to you, it’s like you’re standing behind an opaque mirror, and they’re talking to a reflection of themselves superimposed over a hazy outline of you. They’ve been talking to themselves their entire life, because they’re all they know of the universe. Being the only thing in their universe, their lives revolve around themselves, and they’re the most important thing in their universe.

People want to talk about what’s most important to them, which means anyone without social anxiety disorder probably wants to talk about themselves. Usually, they don’t even want to have a two-way conversation. They just want to talk about themselves and have you listen, smile, nod and compliment them.

The more you talk about yourself, the less they’re going to feel like they’re getting out of the conversation. After a few minutes they’re going to lose interest and spend the rest of the conversation impatiently waiting for their turn to talk or for the conversation to be over. Impressing people in conversation requires almost no talking at all. The only thing you have to do is find out what aspect of their life they want to talk about and ask them about it. The harder you try to blow their mind with what you have to say, the more likely you’ll convince them you’re an arrogant bore.

Flattery will get you everywhere.

People may be unique and unknowable universes, but making them feel good is simple. Just make them feel good about themselves. Give them the approval they so desperately yearn for. Flatter them.

Look at their wardrobe and how they present themselves. Find whatever they put the most thought and energy into and compliment it. Part of them doesn’t even care if you’re sincere or smooth about it. They just want positive reinforcement.

It looks desperate if you constantly praise people, but they won’t hate you for it. More likely, they’ll feel bad for you that you feel the need to impress your equals. However, you can stealthily give them subtle positive reinforcement by smiling, looking them in the eye, laughing and agreeing with them.

This doesn’t mean you should act like a Stepford Wife. If you’re talking to a violent racist, you shouldn’t be laughing and agreeing with what they say. But as a general rule, if you want people to approve of you, then approve of them. They wish you would.

Your name is the sweetest sound you can hear in any language.

Everyone is existentially lost in an incomprehensible universe waiting to die an unexplainable death. We don’t even know if we really exist or if this is just a simulation in a dream. Even living in a city, surrounded by people, you can feel utterly meaningless if nobody ever says your name.

Hearing someone say your name verifies your existence, and connects you to society. It makes you feel popular, important, and worth knowing. When you hear your name, for that moment, the attention is on you. You’re the belle of the ball. We all want to feel that, and we rarely do.

Saying someone’s name is more than just existential flattery. It’s the difference between a stranger and an acquaintance. The more you hear someone say your name, the more a part of their life you’ll be. To build a long lasting relationship with someone, you have to say their name.

Don’t constantly tell people your life story.

Very few people really want to know your life story. It bores everyone else. It also eliminates your mystery and anonymity. The less people know about you, the more they have to fill in the blanks with speculation. We tend to assume people are more perfect than they are. The less we know about them, the more we build them up. This is why teenage girls get so obsessed with boy bands. Since she’ll never meet the boy in person to find out what he’s really like, she falls in love with a mental construction of her ideal boyfriend. To far lesser degrees, everyone you know has done the same thing to you. The more they know about you, the more they see you as a regular, flawed person.

I’m not saying you should strive to be fake or aloof. You should have at least one confidant who knows your entire life story and all your secrets, and you should share your stories freely with the people you want to build life bonds with. But in casual conversation with acquaintances and strangers, you have more to lose than you have to gain by constantly spilling all your beans and cramming them down people’s throats.

Don’t constantly tell people your traumas, dramas and dark secrets. 

Nobody wants to hear about the best vacation you ever took. They really don’t want to hear about the worst things that have happened, are happening, or might happen in your life. All they want, is to feel good.

Hearing your horrible stories will force them to visualize unpleasant things. Then they’ll feel sad for you and guilty that they can’t save you. Then they’ll feel anxious as they try to come up with a solution to your problem. Then they’ll feel frustrated when you don’t take their advice. Then they’ll feel afraid you’re going to ask them for something. When the conversation is over, they’ll feel relief that you’re not battering their psyche like an emotional tornado. After they leave your company, they’ll continue feeling bad. If this happens enough times, they’ll avoid you.

Nobody wants to feel your pain. They want to feel your joy. If you can’t make people laugh, the least you could do is not go out of your way to burden them with your problems. If you need to talk about your problems, you should talk to a therapist.

Don’t constantly bitch about anything. 

Your life might be great, but there’s something else wrong in the world that pisses you off, like your government, immigrants, your lover, your boss, the opposite sex, young people, etc. Nobody wants to hear about it. Nobody cares that you’re upset. They care about making it through the day as happily as possible.

When you bitch about anything, you put a rain cloud over your audience’s head. You may be right about what you’re saying, and it may be important, but depressing the people you hang out with isn’t going to fix the world’s problems. It’s just going to earn you a reputation as an emotionally draining whiner.

Nobody wants to hear you brag.

You can impress people by bragging for a few minutes. The longer you try after that, the more it’ll have the opposite effect. You’d think people’s admiration of you would be proportional to how awesome of a life you’ve lived. But the more amazing your life is than theirs, the more your success highlights the shortcomings in their life. That makes them feel unfulfilled, which makes them feel guilty. Then they resent you for rubbing it in. Then they dismiss their emotional pain by blaming you and labeling you an arrogant brat who thinks life is a dick waving competition and always hogs the conversation telling your life story that nobody wanted to hear in the first place.

If you do have some really great stories that are genuinely interesting, wait until the most poignant time to share them, preferably when someone asks. Your stories will be far more impressive and digestible if you save them. Then people will be amazed you lived a more interesting life than they thought. Then they’ll fill in the rest of the blanks in your life with more positive speculation.

Don’t one-up people’s stories.

It’s painful enough to hear someone deliver a monologue about how much better they are than you. It’s even worse when they try to trump all of your stories. This is the fastest way to convince people you’re not worth talking to.

Be vigilant not to constantly auto-contradict people.

Having anything you say shot down is annoying. Yet many people’s default manner of speaking is to contradict everything anyone says. They believe they’re being smart by finding exceptions and holes in other people’s statements, but their efforts accomplish nothing. They don’t learn, teach or stand for anything, and it shows. Even if you’re right, your audience probably wouldn’t listen. The only thing they’re going to learn is that you’re impossible to talk to.

Don’t play the devil’s advocate.

Some people don’t realize they’re stuck on auto-contradict. Others make it a point to say things they don’t even believe because they’re on a mission to poke holes in people’s conversation. If you call them out on it, they may say they want to help stupid people correct their ignorance, which may be true, but their deeper motivations are sadism, self-centeredness and insecurity.

If your audience really is ignorant, then taunting them is like belittling a child because he hasn’t gone to college yet. Even if they’re too stupid to see what a misguided fraud you are, your actions still prove you’re a bad person in the greater scheme of life.

If your audience is smarter than you think, which they probably are, they’ll see through your shallow game. Even if they don’t, they’re going to remember how you made them feel. If you didn’t make them feel good, they’re not going to try to be a positive force in your life.

Don’t gossip or bitch about other people behind their backs.

It’s common knowledge that anyone who gossips to you, will also gossip about you. Every time you gossip, you’re convincing your audience you’re not trustworthy. And, obviously, you can only talk about other people so many times before it gets back to one of them. On the other hand, if you never do wrong by people, then that’s what people are going to say about you, and respect is going to come back to you.

Constantly bringing up negative information doesn’t help you or your audience achieve happiness. Sure, gossiping is a guilty pleasure, but it pales in comparison to the good feeling you get from talking about the positives in life. There are enough that focusing on the negative is like going to a rose garden and looking for dog shit to sniff.

 If you liked this post, you may like these:

Tips on conversation: Part 2

Advice on relationships

Advice on living

Tips on conversation: Part 2

Talking about touchy subjects ends in absurdity often, violence sometimes and cohesion rarely.

There’s an old saying, “Never talk about politics or religion.” This is because nobody has the exact same beliefs, and we tend to defend our beliefs more than we question them. We behave this way partly because we’re cognitive misers and party because we’ve been indoctrinated not to question certain topics. Either way, talking about those topics is more likely to end in conflict than cohesion. However, people are more likely to avoid conflict than jump at the chance to escalate it. So you’ll probably spend the whole conversation dancing around taboos, trying not to offend each other.

The whole exercise was probably futile to begin with, because most people only have a vague idea what they believe. So the deeper you dig, the more excuses and flimsy justifications you’re likely to find than useful or interesting knowledge.

Disagree respectfully.

By some people’s definition, an enemy is anyone who disagrees with them. Yet, everyone disagrees with everyone on something. If you perceive disagreements as battle lines, you’ll have to go war with everyone, and the only thing that would accomplish is making enemies out of all your potential allies and friends.

The chances of you changing anyone’s mind about anything are slim. The odds fall to zero the moment you speak disrespectfully towards them, but the more polite you are, the more kindly they’ll have to view you and your ideology.

Even if you can’t convert them on the spot, you may plant a seed that will germinate later. Regardless, you can still win their respect by treating them with respect and presenting your arguments professionally.

The only person who wins an argument is the one who learns something.

Since you’re unlikely to change people’s minds about anything, and it usually doesn’t really matter whether or not you do, the only thing you stand to gain by arguing is learning something yourself. And since arguments usually happen when both people are half right, the fact that you’re arguing in the first place, probably means you need to learn something. Fighting the other person is the worst way to accomplish that goal.

Accepting responsibility for your actions will get you out of trouble better than making excuses.  

The topic of hundreds, if not thousands, of conversations you’ll have throughout your life will be about how you did something wrong. People tend to instinctively defend themselves when criticized, which is one of the worst things a person can do to themselves. When people say to your face, that you did something wrong, they’re almost always at least half right. Their criticism is like a gift from God, because it warns you what’s wrong with you and tells you what you need to fix, before you suffer any real consequences. Getting defensive and/or fighting the people who try to hold you accountable is like fighting a doctor who is trying to remove the knife you stabbed yourself with.

There are two kinds of people in the world: those who make excuses and those who don’t need to. The more excuses you make, the less people will take you seriously. If you want to impress people, then listen to them, and admit when you’re wrong. You might think weaseling out of accountability lets you save face, but it really just makes you look like a weasel. If you accept responsibility for your actions, admit when you’re wrong and fix your flaws, the people you once disappointed will come to look up to you.

 Take advice. 

You can learn how to fix your flaws before they get you in trouble. You probably ask people for advice all the time. The more you bitch about your problems, the more advice people are going to give you whether you want it or not, because that’s the only way they can unburden themselves of the problems you’re dumping on them. People’s advice is rarely 100% true, but it’s also rarely 100% useless. You have nothing to gain by rejecting advice and everything to gain from embracing it.

Don’t give much advice.

Everybody needs advice, but people rarely take it, even when they ask for it. Trying to give someone advice, or expecting them to take it, almost always ends in nothing but frustration for the giver. You’re more likely to burn a bridge than save a life. I’m not saying you should never give people advice. I’m just saying, be aware that you’re playing with fire. If you start to see smoke coming out of the other person’s ears, stop.

Ask for advice. 

People like to give advice, as long as you listen to them and take what they say to heart. It’s flattering and creates a meaningful connection between the confidant and confessor. Plus, it just feels good to help people.

This is convenient, because you need advice. You’re so lost, you don’t even know how lost you are. Everyone around you is a treasure chest of information waiting to be opened. Not asking for advice is leaving money on the table.

Don’t let people constantly dump their problems on you. 

You should try to help whoever you can, because all life is equally valuable. So it’s as good to help others as it is to help yourself. This also means it’s important for you to make the most of your own life, and it’s a waste of your invaluable time and energy to coddle people who just want to bitch about everything with no intention of changing anything.

It doesn’t even help the person with the “apocalypse of the week,” because it enables their parasitic behavior. As long as they have a willing host, they’ll stay an emotionally crippled parasite forever, guaranteeing their trivial problems will always be your emergencies.

People tend to mimic your emotional tone.

Humans learn about the world by mimicking others. Even as adults, we’ll stand up if everyone in the room stands up. It’s almost impossible to frown in a room full of laughing people, and it’s just as hard to laugh in a room full of crying faces.

Behavior is contagious. This doesn’t mean you always act like the last person you spoke too, but you will get swept up in their emotion. For example, if you meet someone who is crying, you’re going to react with sadness. If you someone screams at you, you’re going to want to scream back. When someone shows you kindness and love, you’re probably going to be nice to them.

If you want people to like you and be nice to you, then approach them with happiness and friendship. If you want someone to listen to you, don’t scream at them. If you don’t want people to be stressed out and anxious around you, don’t act like everything is always hopeless.

Everyone uses and reacts to emotional tones differently.

As children, we tend to assume everyone is more or less exactly like us. We reason that if we’re all human, then we must all express emotions the same, but we’re all unique snowflakes when it comes to that. For instance, you’d think you could judge how mad a person is by how loud they raise their voice, but some people shout when they’re not mad, while other people perceive any outburst over a whisper to be apocalyptic.

It’s harder than you’d think to accurately assess people’s emotional state or intentions. So it’s a generally good idea to stay on guard not to let yourself get swept up by people’s emotions. Hear them out while wearing a dumb leopard expression on your face. If there really is an emergency, getting swept up in their hysteria won’t help you fix it. On the same token, don’t shout at people or react to minor inconveniences with excessive emotion. Even if you’re calm in your head, you’re freaking everyone out.

Don’t interrupt.

You’d think it goes without saying not to interrupt people when they’re talking, but it happens every day, because the point of being rude is you don’t think about how your actions affect other people.

Look at conversations from the other person’s point of view. They’re in it for what they can get out of it. They probably feel insecure and want to prove their worth. They’re just hoping someone validates their existence by saying their name and complimenting them. No matter how you look at it, they just want to have an experience that makes them happy.

When you interrupt someone, you may as well stop the whole conversation, point to the person you just interrupted and declare whatever they’re saying isn’t important because they’re not important. Then carry on the conversation.

Nobody deserves to be made to feel unimportant. It’s unjust and will probably make an enemy out of the person you cut down. Plus, observers are more likely to view you as rude, than as the savior of the conversation.

You don’t have to lie to kick it.

Lying to make yourself look better never works in the long run. Eventually people will see what you’re doing and lose respect for you. If they do believe all your outlandish stories, they’ll resent you for making them feel inferior or just for talking about yourself all the time.

People don’t stay friends with the people who impress them the most. They stay friends with the people they’re most comfortable around and don’t have to compete with. If you believe you need to constantly impress your friends, the problem is either in your head, or you need new friends.

Cops, blood, sex and drugs.

If you’re ever in a group that’s either struggling to keep a conversation going, or the topic is boring, ask if anybody has any good stories about themselves or a friend involving cops, blood, sex and/or drugs. You’d be surprised how many stories everyone has involving those topics. They’re as fun to tell as they are to hear. Plus, it creates a meaningful connection with people when they share mildly taboo information about themselves. However, the more formal the social gathering, the more inappropriate it would be to raise these topics.

Always have a few jokes up your sleeve.

Jokes are always enjoyable, but it’s rare to hear one person tell more than five jokes in a single conversation. Anyone can memorize five jokes to have ready. You don’t need to tell a joke in every conversation, and you certainly shouldn’t tell the same five jokes every time you talk. Tell a joke if someone asks, if it’s relevant to the current topic or to bridge a silent gap in conversation. People will like you for it, and your conversation will be more fun.

You are what you talk about.

If all you ever talk about is children’s cartoons, then that’s what your mind will consist of. If all you ever talk about is how angry you are about injustice, you’ll live in a bitterly unjust universe. If all you ever talk about is pop culture, your life will amount to a television commercial. If you spend your whole life bitching about other people, then you fit the definition of a bitch.

If you always speak nicely to people, you’ll feel nice, and you’ll have nice memories to look back on. If you ask everyone for advice, your mind will fill up with superpowers. If you meet people from all over the world and listen to their stories, you internal universe will become as colorful as a Holi festival.

Mind your karma ghosts.

The emotional impact of how you treat people lasts long after you’re gone. If someone walks away from you happy, they’ll probably be nicer to the next person they meet. If someone walks away from you angry, they’ll probably be meaner to the next person they meet. The bigger an impact you have on people, the longer they carry the ghosts of your actions with them. The memory of a single conversation with you could pop up in their mind periodically for the rest of their life, bringing those old feelings back to the surface, like a ghost from the past haunting them.

Your actions have ripple effects that extend across time and space. Every time you make someone feel good, you make the world better. Every time you make someone feel bad, you make the world worse.

Mind your appearance.

The cleaner and more professional you look, the more professionally people will assume they should interact with you. The more sexually attractive you are, the more people will try to woo you and overlook your flaws.

The sloppier you dress, the less seriously people will take you. The more you dress like a stereotypical violent criminal, the more people will be afraid of you. The blander you dress, the less you’ll excite people.

The weirder you look, the more likely people are to reject or dismiss you, which can be a blessing or a curse, because the more you look like the person you’re talking to, the more likely they’ll accept you… and hold you accountable to the cultural standards and values of people who dress like you. In other words, when in Rome, do as the Romans do, but if you don’t want to be held to Roman standards, don’t dress like a Roman, but don’t be surprised when the Romans don’t accept you.

Surround yourself with people who enjoy talking about the same things as you. 

Conversation is an opportunity to learn, have fun and build connections. If you’re constantly bored by the conversations you have with the people in your life, then you probably need to surround yourself with new people who want to talk about the same things as you. Life is too short, and the potential for joy is too great, to spend time with people you don’t find interesting.

Cutting people out of your life doesn’t mean you think you’re better than them. There’s no such thing as “the best people.” There’s just the best people for you. The people you’ll enjoy talking to the most tend to be the ones who share most of your interests as strongly as you.

If you liked this post, you may like these:

Tips on conversation: Part 1

Advice on relationships

Advice on living

Tweets by The Wise Sloth

I haven’t been posting much lately because I’ve been spending 5-10 hours per day working on a book about how to write film scripts using formula plot templates. I still have at least 100 hours of work left on that before I finish it. So it may be another month before I have time to write any blogs. I wanted to post something though. So I exported, cleaned up and pasted all my original tweets from my Twitter feed, which you can subscribe to here: I hope it brings you minutes of enjoyment. I’ll be updating my blog as soon as I can, but I promise the book I’m writing will be worth the wait.

the wise sloth

  • If you pay your employees 1/10 of the profit they earn your company per hour, don’t be surprised if they give 1/10 a fuck about your company.
  • A good guy wouldn’t destroy someone’s life because they own a plant, but any cop would.
  • A good guy wouldn’t take all of a poor person’s money because they don’t have a sticker on their car, but any cop would.
  • If it’s important to drug test the janitors on Capitol Hill, it’s important to drug test the people who vote on declarations of war.
  • The only person in the American military who isn’t required to take drug tests is the commander in chief. #OfAllPeople #RoomForOneMore
  • Congress should be held to at least the same standard of testing, tracking and consequences as testing companies hold preteen students to.
  • Lifelong political positions discriminate against young voters by locking in their parents’ generations’ representation in government.
  • If it’s vital that the president be limited to 2 terms, wouldn’t the same reasons apply to every elected position?
  • Some people really like Joe Biden. Other people really like having the most qualified citizens in the highest offices of government.
  • The president picking a vice president is like an ugly girl picking which fat friend she brings to the club to make her look better.
  • Adulting consists mainly of fulfilling contrived responsibilities that exist only because governments, bosses and bankers are exploiting us.
  • Patting yourself on the back is like shaking your dick after peeing. If you do it more than twice, you’re jerking off.
  • If you’re not making time to do the things you love, the reason it feels like you’re not really living is because you haven’t started.
  • When anyone starts jerking themselves off about how smart they are to you, stop them and say, “Hey, we all got supercomputers in our heads.”
  • Everyone knows more about something than anyone else. Nobody knows squat about everything. Our minds are as unique as our faces.
  • Getting defensive and arguing every time someone tries to correct you or give you advice won’t get you as far in life as you seem to think.
  • Rabbits are basically genitals with a digestive system.
  • Those who hold tightest to their beliefs, improve them the least.
  • Your kids will freak out over the same size problems as you, to the same extent as you. Don’t show them how to be a spoiled, whiny bitch.
  • Everyone holds factually inaccurate beliefs. Only those who question their beliefs get to find out which ones are wrong.
  • Would an all-loving God create an eternal paradise for dead bunnies to perpetually eat, poop & hump? Or would there be no reason to bother?
  • The bigger a movement gets, the more idiots join, until the idiots are the majority and have enough power in numbers to define the movement.
  • The 40 hour work week is cripples children, and thus our future, by not giving parents enough time to raise their kids properly.
  • At some point you have to stop bitching about the hand you were dealt and get on with playing the game the best you can with what you got.
  • Voting in America’s 2016 presidential election is tantamount to voting on whether America should go to war with Iran or Mexico.
  • I’m not voting, but if I did, I’d vote for Hillary Clinton, only because I’d prefer the apocalypse she’ll bring to the one Trump would bring.
  • Rent is a system that allows poor people to pay rich people’s mortgages.
  • Debt hurts more Americans than drugs and terrorism combined. If there were a war on debt, the American government would fight on debt’s side.
  • Most major professional organizations have a code of ethics based on safety & respect that didn’t come from religion #EthicsWithoutReligion
  • The 2016 American presidential election isn’t a choice between the lesser of two evils. It’s a choice between two different flavors of evil.
  • You can spend today fretting about what was or is… or you can spend today creating what will be.
  • Everyone can use some extra help from God, but people who think, study and work hard need it much less, if any.
  • Wishful thinking = having faith everything will magically turn out okay. Strength = having faith you can make everything turn out okay.
  • Reading motivational books without reading problem solving books is like putting fuel in your car without knowing how/where/why to drive.
  • Solving your problems takes motivation to enact a solution, but first you need to use problem solving skills to find the solution.
  • Grey Hound charges an $18 “gift fee” if you buy someone a ticket. In other words, they extort you for helping a loved one in need. #greed
  • If the right to vote, work, love, own a gun or live on your own terms can be taken away then they’re not rights. They’re privileges at best.
  • Imagine if social justice warriors put as much effort into fighting hunger, homelessness and slavery as they do sheltering their feelings.
  • If you want your man to do/not do something, bitching at him will get you the bare minimum. A blow job will get you 110%. #LifeHack #Karma
  • If you’re going to spend the next hour or so feeling depressed about how empty and hopeless everything is, do it while exercising. #LifeHack
  • If a God gave us free will, it probably wasn’t with the expectation that we use it to sit around begging God to do everything for us.
  • It’s like anything else… You don’t pray to God to fix your computer. You call a computer tech.
  • God answered all your prayers by giving you a brain to solve your problems with and the hands and feet to implement the solutions.
  • All things are possible to those who turn off the TV, get up off their ass, go do something and never quit.
  • By all means, complain when life sucks, but complain while you’re doing something about it.
  • When things are good, tell yourself they’re good. When things are bad, tell yourself good things are possible.
  • 90% of the time I log into Twitter it says the log in is suspicious & E-mails me a verification code to enter. #NotHelping #IsItJustMe #FWP
  • If your government can withhold or revoke it, then it’s a privilege, not a right.
  • The quality and quantity of art produced by a nation increases with the quality and quantity of drugs available to its artists.
  • Healthy habits aren’t a burden. They’re an opportunity.
  • If America can’t progress because the RNC & DNC can’t work together then the solution is to end the RNC & DNC.
  • A phobia is an irrational fear that negatively affects your life. That’s insanity. Before picking a religion, vet it for irrational fears.
  • We all break most of the rules of most religions constantly. Singling out one taboo and crusading against it is spiritually futile.
  • It’s going to be a big moment in women’s history when Hillary Clinton is the first woman to steal an American presidential election.
  • You can’t become the leader of a democracy by rigging an election, because then it’s not a democracy.
  • You can measure how horrible of a person you are by how small an inconvenience it takes to make you mean.
  • We’re born with potential, not talent. Abnormally high talent comes only from abnormally frequent, persistent study and practice.
  • Renters are as good as indentured servants to their land lords.
  • When a business owner takes home more $ than all the employees who operate the business, that’s slavery.
  • America would feel more like the land of the free if you didn’t get yelled at and punished for not mowing your lawn.
  • It’s not sedition if a politician acts against the will & interest of the people. It is if a person complains about corruption too much.
  • As long as prices are set by supply & demand, the most important things will be the most unaffordable.
  • Businesses call their employees “partners” because they wouldn’t be as proud if their name tag said “wage slave.”
  • Police have unmarked cars so… you can’t spot them coming to serve and protect you?
  • I’d vote for a politician whose goal while in office is to make presidential nominees great again.
  • The higher your hourly wage is than your employees’ or clients’ daily wage, the more you’re responsible for income inequality.
  • 50% of America’s children live in poverty. How many more need to before our political parties are fired?
  • RNC & DNC’s job is to pick the best presidential candidates, and they pick the 2 most egotistical, unethical, divisive celebs. #youhadonejob
  • Fastest way to reduce the number of police shootings: Reduce the number of pointless victimless crimes cops have to engage people over.
  • How to solve all the crises in the Middle East: Every country pays into a fund to turn the Middle East into the world’s largest farm.
  • Austerity creates religions. Luxury kills them. If you’re comfy and happy, you don’t need anyone to sell you hope.
  • Neither Donald Trump or HIllary Clinton can make America great again. Only the American people can do that.
  • Everyone should be eligible to apply for any government position. Why pay for something you’re not allowed to use?
  • There should only be one thing you have to do to become a presidential candidate: Pass the hardest government test MIT can come up with.
  • In 2016 Americans are voting for which apocalypse they want. Your vote is a gun in your mouth. Protest by not voting. Don’t pull the trigger
  • How about the people pick presidential primary candidates, instead of the RNC & DNC, because they fucking suck at it.
  • The government picked the two most polar opposite yet equally vile people for Americans to pick between for president, like they want riots.
  • The way you make your children feel when they’re young is pretty much how they’ll feel when they’re old.
  • Friendly mechanics are psychopaths. They smile at you as they extort you in your time of need so they can have a more luxurious retirement.
  • The more dogmatically you label yourself the good guy and someone else the bad guy, the more capable of evil you become.
  • Donald Trump buys politicians, and Hillary Clinton sells her political power. Together they represent what’s wrong with campaign financing.
  • If your loved ones never call out your flaws, they’re either too horrible to want to help you, or they know you’re too horrible to listen.
  • Don’t ask why some people have so much figured out. Ask yourself what you’ve been doing that’s more important than getting life figured out.
  • Why is wine the only beverage humans have invented snobby rules about how you’re supposed to consume it?
  • God doesn’t give you strength. You give yourself permission to be strong (but deny yourself credit) by convincing yourself God did it.
  • With great power comes great accountability… unless you’re running for president of the United States. That comes with great immunity.
  • Is Hillary Clinton fit to serve in the military, much less lead it? I doubt anyone who’s had a top security clearance (like me) believes so.
  • The FBI found Hillary Clinton guilty of misconduct but cleared her of wrongdoing. This proves the government is ramrodding her into POTUS.
  • Breaking rules a soldier would get an Article 15, demotion and loss of security clearance for disqualifies you from being commander in chief.
  • When the country with the largest prison population celebrates its freedoms, it’s celebrating a delusion.
  • America’s police celebrate America’s freedoms every July 4th by giving tickets to citizens for drinking and using fireworks too liberally.
  • The NSA wished Americans a happy Independence Day yesterday on Twitter. No need to tell them what you wished for. They already know.
  • It defeats the purpose of having a system if the system makes everyone too busy/poor to exercise, eat healthy or have a secure retirement.
  • July 4th is the day Americans are supposed to take time to appreciate their freedoms… even if they’re not free to take that time off work.
  • Democracy is broken in America when the people have to pick between two presidential candidates nobody would have picked to be candidates.
  • I bet Chinese kids who make fireworks look down on American kids, who can’t be trusted to use the fireworks they made, without supervision.
  • Refusing to question rules/orders doesn’t make you morally strong/pure but intellectually weak/lazy.
  • When someone tells you to respect authority, they’re really telling you to embrace subjugation.
  • You don’t hear maggots at the bottom of trash bags asking why life isn’t fair. Well, we’re maggots at the bottom of a cosmic trash bag.
  • Health insurance protects you from extortion if you get sick by extorting you if you stay healthy.
  • If you earn minimum wage, plan to work at least 5 months per year to save towards your landlord’s retirement.
  • If you earn minimum wage, plan to spends 3 months per year working and saving towards your car mechanic’s retirement.
  • It doesn’t prove easy access to guns keeps us safer when a gun bought from Wal-Mart is used to stop a shooter who bought a gun at Wal-Mart.
  • The British defeated the Maoris by selling them guns, which they slaughtered each other with. Corporations did the same thing to Americans.
  • Putting money in a church offering plate doesn’t show God how much you care. It just shows men in expensive clothes how gullible you are.
  • Putting money in a church offering plate doesn’t grease God’s palms, just the clergy’s.
  • Every 4 years the world should donate their Olympic budgets to building a free mega school instead of investing it in sweat and fraud.
  • When the cheapest rent you can find costs at least two weeks of your wages, your politicians aren’t doing their jobs.
  • You can’t become a pro until you’ve made all the rookie mistakes.
  • If you think about the solutions to your problems more than the causes, you’re going to have a better time.
  • In order to stay limber you have to move limber.
  • If you pay rent, you’re effectively an indentured servant to your landlord.
  • If Bernie Sanders can beat Hillary Clinton in the popular vote and still lose, you’d be foolish to think Donald Trump’s polls matter either.
  • The question you should be asking isn’t, “Why are immigrants being let in my country?” but “Why isn’t everyone allowed to go everywhere?”
  • The world’s problems have many seeds, but most of them wouldn’t have grown into banyan trees without being watered thoroughly with poverty.
  • Hospitals give patients bills inflated with insanely high bullshit charges and are surprised when so few customers just don’t pay. #fuckyou2
  • The police are doing a pretty good job at protecting me from illegal robbery. They’re doing a terrible job protecting me from legal robbery.
  • If the US government ever actually makes guns illegal, it won’t be to control gun advocates. It will be to bait them into a civil war.
  • We can accept you being fat, but no amount of social justice awareness can convince your organs to.
  • Any government that selects Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump as its two favorite people has it priorities hopelessly screwed up.
  • Money has no inherent value. Billionaires devote their time to exploiting people, robbing them of their time, to horde the illusion of value
  • They say capitalism isn’t perfect, but it’s the best we’ve got. So I guess we need to replace it with something that’s never been done.
  • If you hate the Quran for saying it’s okay to kill non-Muslims, then you should hate the Torah for saying it’s okay to kill non-Jews.
  • Everyone deserves respect, but the fat acceptance movement is morally equivalent to a smoker’s acceptance movement.
  • If you charge people who drive a $3,000 car, $3,000 for an hour of work. You’re why they’re struggling to survive and can’t have nice things
  • Slaves pick the vegetables you would buy at the grocery store if they weren’t too expensive. That’s how capitalism works.
  • It sucks that whenever there’s a mass shooting, one of the first questions it raises is, “What freedoms will we lose now?”
  • Most Wal Mart workers barely make enough $ to survive. The owners have as much $ as a small country. That’s how trickle down economics works.
  • Knowledge is memorizing a road map of Europe. Wisdom is being able to find the easiest route to Amsterdam.
  • A wise man asks himself what the most important questions are, and then tries to solve them.
  • A man is knowledgeable if he can recite the answers to many questions, but he is a fool if he can’t answer the most important questions.
  • If you find yourself celebrating the deaths of innocent civilians, it’s time to consider you might be one of the bad guys.
  • Uncle Sam lets us to vote on which hand he punches us in the dick with. If we don’t vote, we can’t complain when the decision is made for us
  • You need to forgive yourself, not convince yourself that God has.
  • Personal organizer/planning books and motivational speakers exist to help you manage and cope with your slavery.
  • Obamacare solves the problem of unaffordable healthcare by selling unaffordable insurance that doesn’t cover the cost of healthcare.
  • Americans don’t pick who runs for president, and delegates pick who wins. We don’t choose our presidents. They’re forced on us.
  • “The NRA advocates mutually assured destruction as the best way to guarantee our safety. Their motto should be “Salvation through fear.”
  • Sticking to a decision requires a reason, not will power.
  • American politicians who are against election fraud should be against super delegates, whose sole purpose is to rig elections.
  • Capitalism posits that we can achieve the greatest good by competing with each other for survival instead of cooperating.
  • The less you aspire to learn, the less you will become.
  • Americans don’t suffer and die because there aren’t enough rules, but because there are too many.
  • There are more jobs that don’t pay a living wage than there are that do. That’s now how an economy is supposed to work.
  • When that which is good for the economy isn’t good for the workers, you’ve got the wrong kind of economy.
  • Muhammad Ali punched people in the face for a living. He distracted us from our real problems, which have gotten worse while we zoned out.
  • If Palestinians were gorillas, America would be sending its children to save them.
  • You wouldn’t be arguing if your opponent were willing to listen.Arguing is just a test to see who’ll shout loudest and who’ll give up first.
  • Everyone is smarter than the average person about at least one thing.
  • The more people you correct on chat forums and message boards, the more likely you’re just an arrogant idiot.
  • Memorial Day is the perfect day to ask why America has more prisoners than any other country.
  • Big businesses have more to be thankful for on Memorial day than the average wage slave worker.
  • Today we remember all the striking workers shot by the National Guard and civilians shot by police. Or not.
  • Money should be a luxury, not a necessity.
  • If you value life, then treat it with respect. Boom. Morality explained.
  • You don’t need a religious book to prove life is valuable. Humans knew that before we taught ourselves how to speak.
  • Anyone who educates themself is a hero.
  • Your favorite show is the least important thing happening in the world.
  • If you can’t vote directly on how 100% of your taxes are spent, then you don’t own your government. It owns you.
  • A country only cares about its people as much as it cares about its prisoners.
  • When wine connoisseurs talk about the do’s and don’ts of drinking wine, I think, “Man, I don’t try to tell you how you should use ketchup.”
  • The poorer you are, the more people you know who hate their jobs. The richer you are, the more people you know who take 2 hour lunch breaks.
  • Paying five year’s wages for a life saving operation is the epitome of extortion.
  • Doctors give you life via medicine and surgery then take it away via bills.
  • Strip malls are the new cotton fields.
  • I’m writing a blog attempting to define what art is. Trying to describe a meta mind-fuck is taxing my brain.
  • The Bible doesn’t say, “If you want to be perfect, oppress gays.” It says, “If you want to be perfect, give away everything you own.”
  • The bigger the ego, the smaller the mind.
  • Your tax dollars would keep you a lot safer if the government paid for all your groceries instead of putting patrol cars on every street.
  • I hope the next version of Windows comes with a feature that let’s you turn off Windows rearranging your desktop icons all the time.
  • Either the Iraq war was started by dumb people screwing up or smart people being evil. Either way, America needs a better political system.
  • I worry Disney makes all their heroes royalty because they want us to glorify rulers & believe we’re royal too, not the slaves we really are
  • I worry how much work will be left for authors when Google’s A.I. learns how to write books.
  • There’s a special place in Hell for whoever decided to charge for parking at hospitals.
  • Not being able to afford to survive is a more imminent threat to Americans than terrorism. The source of that problem is in Washington DC.
  • What you want your government to be like matters more than what your forefathers wanted their government to be like.
  • If welfare can pay more than a job, that’s not a sign we live in a welfare state. It’s a sign we live in a slave state.
  • Every time you talk about the latest dead celebrity, you distract attention and dialogue away from the world’s real problems.
  • When your government takes away your freedoms for your own good, they’re taking the position that freedom is no good.
  • Banks are too big to fail. The poor are set up to fail.
  • Every time you leave a black spot on someone else, you leave a black spot on your soul/psyche.
  • The cuter an animal is, the more likely humans are to put it in a cage.
  • The only person who really wins in an argument is the one who learns something.
  • America isn’t designed to set you up for retirement. It’s designed to set you up for bankruptcy.
  • If you have to worry about the police protecting you from yourself, you’re not free.
  • The TSA would help more people if it sold its scanners and bought farm land and paid its staff to farm and give free food to the poor.
  • Poor Americans live in greater daily fear of the threat of starvation than the threat of terrorism.
  • America tried to use a winner-take-all voting system to represent the will of a nation so diverse it’s known as “the great melting pot.”
  • You are what you eat. If you eat processes food, you will become cancerous.
  • I feel like it’s only a matter of time before Microsoft starts selling advertising space on your boot up and log in screens.
  • If you want to feel free then think of police quotas as freedom quotas.
  • You’ll be told America is the land of the free until you try to enter one of its national parks. Then you’ll be told to pay up or piss off.
  • It’s hard to get high on life when life is the suburbs.
  • America’s military will fight anyone who tries to take away Americans’ freedoms… everyone except employers. Then they back ’em.
  • Quickest way to make a Christian happy: Let them try to convert you. Quickest way to make a Christian angry: Try to convert them.
  • If you must have faith in someone, have faith in someone who questions their own ideas, not someone who threatens you for questioning them.
  • America has a drug epidemic because it has a hopelessness epidemic.
  • I have the freedom of speech and religion! Can’t wait to exercise them when bills don’t have me chained to my day job.
  • Poor Americans live with more fear than freedoms.
  • Building a $25 billion garden would solve more problems than building a $25 billion wall between America and Mexico.
  • The Earth doesn’t have enough resources to sustain an economy in which everything you consume comes in a bag and a box.
  • If you still have to go to work when you’re sick, you don’t live in the land of the free.
  • The true value of a company isn’t determined by its stock price but by the quality of life of its employees and customers.
  • 1 Timothy 6: “All who are under the yoke of slavery should consider their masters worthy of full respect.” That’s in the Bible.
  • Someone who plans to use anything you say against you in a court of law is not there to serve and protect you.
  • If your life feels like a rat race, then you don’t live in the land of the free.
  • The less alcohol you drink, the better your body will feel when you’re sober.
  • There are millions of people who have never eaten anything that didn’t come out of a bag or a box. #notmyutopia
  • Network with fools and you’ll reap with fools. Network with succeeders and you’ll reap with succeeders.
  • The more your political candidate blames the nation’s problems on a minority group, the more you should compare them to historical tyrants.
  • The more your leaders say you should be obedient to their ideology the more you should question them.
  • Suburbia is the perfection of for-profit prisons.
  • Let’s everyone (except the homeless, prisoners, soldiers, slaves, refugees, and terminally ill) celebrate another apocalypse-free year.
  • If you’re always bitching it’s because you’re always looking for things to bitch about.
  • I know a guy who had a warrant issued for his arrest for not mowing his lawn. #landofthefree
  • If you join the military, never forget that you’re fighting to defend a $7.25 minimum wage.
  • Holding other people accountable for how you feel disempowers you and burdens them.
  • If you have time to bitch about other people, you have time to do anything else that doesn’t waste your time being petty and negative.
  • Christmas is about pretending it’s about love or religion while you’re really just being a gullible consumer whore who is in denial.
  • No one but you is responsible for you throwing a tantrum.
  • Strange that Jesus supposedly came to Earth to save humanity, yet he endorsed slavery. #notmysavior
  • The more expensive of a car you drive to church the more you’re defeating the purpose.
  • I think it was Jesus who said, “If you want treasure in Heaven, then go, sell all your church’s multimedia equipment and give to the poor.”
  • There’s a direct correlation between how much a person looks at things from others’ point of view and their tendency to kindness/hurtfulness
  • How do you spot a consumer whore? By all the Star Wars merchandise they own.
  • Everyone knows something you don’t, even the greatest fool you loath.
  • Why is it that the most entitled, spoiled, bitchy customers are always either the richest or the poorest customers?
  • Friends playing on their phones around you is either a sign technology is tearing us apart or Candy Crush is just more interesting than you.
  • The slogan of every subdivision and strip mall construction company should be: “Building an unsustainable tomorrow, today.”
  • Capitalism doesn’t hate socialism and communism because they’re a threat to mankind but because they’re a threat to executives’ profits.
  • You can get your video game character to level 60 or your real self in real life to level 60. Pick one.
  • If you have time to talk about what you’re going to do, then you have time to do it.
  • Any store that sells cigarettes will gladly kill you for money.
  • It takes less time to be calm than it does to panic.
  • What if life is just God’s television?
  • TV commercials are just sales pitches from con artists.
  • Let’s hope and pray people stop believing in mythologies.
  • If your religious beliefs aren’t based on reality then you deserve to be treated like you believe in mythology.
  • I served in the U.S. Air Force from 2000-2007. Don’t thank me for my service. Americans lost freedoms on my watch.
  • All of tomorrow’s geniuses are stubborn idiots today.
  • If you want to turn a bad person good, educating them is far more effective than scaring them.
  • Most of the largest nations in the world have troops fighting in the Middle East. Isn’t that the definition of World War 3?
  • You’ve learned something everywhere you’ve been. If you don’t write it down, it’s only a matter of time until you forget.
  • I wish Hollywood would make a dating advice show starring Danny Trejo.
  • Ideas should be questioned to death, not defended to the death.
  • Let’s just eliminate university and make public high school 4 years longer. It’ll be cheaper, and we’d get a better education.
  • God isn’t cruel. The universe just doesn’t revolve around you or us.
  • Companies that are big enough to fund every congressperson’s career are too big to fail.
  • Imagine if we all loved each other as much as we love our pets.
  • Success requires energy. Does your lifestyle boost or drain your energy? There might be a correlation.
  • There is no problem that can’t be solved without being an ass hole.
  • Labor Day isn’t a celebration of freedom. It’s a distraction from the reality that we’re all wage slaves.
  • Every city in the world has opportunities that only exist there and nowhere else. Take advantage of yours.
  • Sending people to jail for using drugs is like shooting them in the face to protect them from shooting themselves in the foot.
  • The amount you are more or less stupid then anyone else is fractions of a degree.
  • Maybe the U.S.A. shouldn’t have more citizens in prison than any country in the world.
  • The Baby Boomers didn’t start the fire, but they kept it burning bright. Then my generation took the torch obediently and enthusiastically.
  • Nobody you knew yesterday is the same person today.
  • The less you stretch and use your muscles the more they’ll hurt.
  • Repetitive pains in peoples’ bodies are usually caused by their repetitive lifestyle.
  • The more you ask yourself what’s most important in life, the better you’ll understand that and live accordingly.
  • If you have a good reason to be mean to someone, it doesn’t mean you’re justified. It means you’re great at justifying being an asshole.
  • If you’re afraid of your police then you probably don’t live in the land of the free.
  • Christianity summarized:Obey God. Have faith in Him or He kills you. He loves you. Ask anything, but don’t expect a reply. Give Him money.
  • The Bible hasn’t lasted for centuries because it passes the test for truth. It lasted so long because it forbids you from questioning it.
  • If you’re going to gamble your money away, the stock market is way more exciting than lottery tickets.
  • If you meet a dragon, don’t have a fire- breathing contest with it.
  • Most car accidents happen within 10 miles of people’s home because most people can’t afford to drive more than 10 miles away from home.
  • When Americans aren’t in prison they have more than twice the space at home.
  • The question isn’t, what does it mean when someone tells you they love you. The question is, what do they mean when they say, “I love you.”
  • The better you are at making people happy, the more the world will be your oyster.
  • If life doesn’t give you excuses to be happy, you just have to do it yourself or be miserable forever.
  • When a few people are stressed and pissed, change a few things. When most people are, change the fundamentals.
  • Thinking is as important to your immediate survival as exercising. In the long run it’s more important.
  • The Bible is against homosexuality and adultery, but you will never ever hear a Christian rail against adulterers marrying. Ever.
  • The more you tell people how much smarter you are than most people, the more likely you’re just dumb and arrogant.
  • Step one of everything you will ever do is to love yourself.
  • When you drink and smoke to celebrate life you celebrate life by killing yourself and lowering your potential to make the most out of life.
  • I sometimes wonder: If God exists, did God create everything just to see some good artwork, hear some good music, have some great sex, etc.?
  • If you want your lover to live, work and love you to their fullest, then build them up constantly. If you want the opposite, tear them down.
  • Every human’s quality of life is directly proportional to the number of humans who are in a lifelong quest for truth and knowledge.
  • Your lover doesn’t listen to you when you shout at them because they’re deafened by the sound of you fucking up your relationship.
  • The more mistakes you make doing something, the more qualified you become to master that thing.
  • Cussing people out on the internet proves nothing except that you desperately need to take a conflict resolution class.
  • If you think people who aren’t like you should emigrate, you should petition your government to make emigration not damn near impossible.
  • The more you talk about movies and celebrities, the more you distract from the problems you watch movies to escape from in the first place.
  • If you believe in God and want to thank Him/Her/It for helping you in your time of need, then help someone else. Words are just lip service.
  • Nobody replies to your Facebook posts asking who your real friends are because they unfollowed you for posting dumb shit all the time.
  • Ignorance of sex is more dangerous than sex.
  • Believing in things there is no evidence for doesn’t make you open minded. It makes you gullible.
  • Ask your Christian friends to explain Leviticus 19: 20-22 to you.
  • If God is everything, then God is experiencing what we are. Think about that next time you’re mean to someone.
  • Life’s tough. Life’s tougher when you get furious over semantics.
  • The more paranoid your lover is of you cheating on them, the more likely they’re already cheating on you.
  • You won’t find total peace in sobriety, but you will find far less peace in addiction.
  • Constantly listen to old songs that your brain already associates with previous experiences and thoughts? You may be living in the past.
  • “I did the best I could,” is usually an excuse used by people who didn’t do the best they could.
  • How do atheists know which rules to follow? The same way Christians know which rules in the Bible not to follow.
  • Oh my God! You’re a real vampire! Said no dentist ever.
  • Everyone is partly good & bad. You can choose to focus/dwell on either side. Both are right, but beware where both paths lead you.
  • You can’t improve your relationship by bitching.
  • America should change its slogan from “the land of the free” to “arbeit macht frei.”
  • The more time you put into thinking about things that make you sad and angry, the sadder and angrier you’ll probably be.
  • The more effort you put into thinking about things that make you happy and inspire you, the happier and more inspired you’ll probably be.
  • The Bible says divorce is evil because women are property. If you don’t believe in slavery, there’s no Biblical reason not to get divorced.
  • Every soldier who ever died, died in vain every time a cop punishes a tax payer for a victimless crime.
  • The more you believe that tearing down a customer service employees is justified, the bleaker of a person you probably are inside.
  • If you don’t have a plan how you’re going to make life better for yourself, it won’t.
  • If you can find out where a person came from and where they want to go, then you can predict what they’ll likely do in-between.
  • The best competitors show up to very few competitions you compete in. Sometimes bad competitors win because they’re the only people there.
  • Poisoning yourself constantly is a great way to weaken your immune system.
  • If America were the land of the free nobody would have to work 40 hours per week or die homeless.
  • I don’t know why people riot, but I have noticed that I un-oppressed people rarely do.
  • “I did the best I could,” is usually an excuse used by people who didn’t do the best they could.
  • Machines designed specifically to kill people don’t kill people. People kill people with machines designed specifically to kill people.
  • Writer = idea maker + communicator.
  • Each thought only comes around once a lifetime. Unless no part of you cares about them being lost/remembered, write them down. Last chance.
  • The more angry someone is at you, the less likely you’re at fault and the more likely you’re a victim of them projecting.
  • You probably think about the same few topics occasionally, every day. You may want to spend more time asking what topics are more important
  • The most productive way to be in love with your lover isn’t to be as infatuated as possible with them as all the time.
  • If you had shitty parents, you should seek therapy. If you know someone who had shitty parents, they should seek therapy.
  • Bragging is far more likely to convince people you’re a pompous ass than a bad ass.
  • You’ll almost always be swamped with important, pressing issues. Festering over people who wronged you ages ago is never a priority.
  • You won’t find total peace in sobriety, but you will find far less peace in addiction.
  • Someone who isn’t thinking rationally won’t come to a rational conclusion even if you serve it to them on a silver platter.
  • The difference between confident and cocky is that the first means, “I got it covered.” The second says, “I’m better than you.”
  • Every time you’re rude to someone you burn a bridge to an ally.
  • If you’ve got time to come up with excuses, you’ve got time to come up with solutions.
  • You can measure how horrible you’re capable of being by adding up all the situations where you believe being mean to others is justified.
  • The more you complain about a problem, the less you’re probably doing anything about it.
  • The sources of people’s unhappiness are usually found in their lifestyle. If you’re unhappy, that’s where your life probably needs change.
  • Tyranny cannot exist unless good people uphold bad laws in the name of duty and patriotism.
  • You can measure how unfulfilling your country is by how much television you watch.
  • If you think the world is divided between “us and them,” I guarantee you’re one of them.
  • If more than 2 people have called you an asshole, it’s probably because you are.
  • The more times you use the word “fuck” in an argument, the less favorable the outcome is likely to be for you.
  • The more often you brag about how smart you are, the more wrong you probably are.
  • Children need and want answers just as much as adults, but all they get from adults are mythologies and psychotic cartoons. #farfromutopia
  • In case you didn’t learn this in elementary school, the secret to long life is keeping all your organ systems healthy all the time.
  • The future matters more than the past.
  • Marriage is more dangerous than driving. You should have to take a 6 month marriage education course before getting a marriage license.
  • If America is a land “of the people, by the people, for the people,” then why is it a gruesome fucking rat race?
  • To better understand why you are the way you are, ask your parents to explain in detail what your life was like between ages 1-5.
  • In nobody’s utopia do people fear the police. In everyone’s dystopia the general public fears the police. #howareyourpolice?
  • If there is no afterlife then we were created to be a spectacle or because mortality is more precious than we understand.
  • “When a real estate agent says: “”Are you a first time home buyer?” What a real estate agent means: “Are you a first time debt prisoner?”
  • If you can organize a country to vote for a president every 4 years then you can organize a country to vote on important issues every year.
  • When you don’t bring up the problem in the room you become part of the problem. Do something long enough and you’ll come to accept/defend it
  • The biggest problem in the world right now is that not enough people are talking enough about the biggest problems in the world enough.
  • Kids, don’t get too excited about getting into the adult world and being treated like an adult. You never stop getting treated like a kid.
  • If you think poor people are all lazy and irresponsible, consider that majority of people on Earth are poor. Maybe the problem is systemic.
  • Every time a cop gives a ticket to meet a quota they defeat the purpose of police existing.
  • It’s not that young people don’t know what they want to do with their lives. It’s that they don’t know which shit job they should settle for
  • You are what you eat. In possibly unrelated news, you’re probably also going to die of cancer.
  • If America is the land of the free, then those must be freedom fines, freedom fees and freedom tickets I keep getting.
  • Making cars wait as you walk across the road all slow and gangsta lets strangers know you’re selfish, petty and insecure, not tough.
  • Crushing people’s hand when you shake it is a great way to let people know you have to make a dick waving competition out of everything.
  • Nothing was ever built on excuses.
  • Nobody wants you to impress them. They just want you to entertain and flatter them.
  • No problem has ever been solved or improved by alcohol.
  • Hurting someone all the time trains them to feel hurt and angry all the time.
  • If someone is mean to you because you did something wrong, it’s not because you did something wrong; its because they’re mean.
  • Surrounding yourself with good people is like cheating at life. Surrounding yourself with bad people is like cheating at failure.
  • Everyone who’s opinion of you, you worry about, will die one day. Then their opinion won’t matter one damn bit, as it never did.
  • If your lover acts obsessively possessive, suspicious and jealous, they’re cheating on you. I guarantee it.
  • There’s no point arguing with people who value winning more than truth, which in my experience, is most people.
  • The word “theology” is just “mythology” rebranded to not sound exactly like what it really is.
  • Disregarding useful advice just because the person giving it is a fool or a hypocrite is foolishness. You can learn something from anyone.
  • An honest history book would call The Spanish Inquisition, The Christian Inquisition and The Crusades, The Christian Wars.
  • If it’s a sin to question your government then it’s a sin to fix corruption.
  • It takes every cop and soldier working together with the best of intentions to prop up a corrupt government.
  • Poverty isn’t an accidental byproduct of capitalism. It’s 99% of the point.
  • If you base one iota of your identity around your affiliation with a pro sports team, you’re a woefully gullible consumer whore.
  • The rich terrorize and hurt more poor people everyday than the most extreme Jihadist could ever hope to achieve.
  • The more you don’t want to hear you’re wrong, the more you’re probably wrong.
  • If you’ve never asked yourself what you would do with your free time if you won the lottery then you may not have defined your destiny.
  • You learn and grow more from listening than from talking.
  • Obsessing over how much you’re worth squanders time you could spend getting on with your life.
  • If you’re always angrily proving you’re right, you’re probably actually angrily defending your misconceptions.
  • Chronic drug use is not a recipe for chronic stress relief. It’s a recipe for chronic cell death.
  • Everybody who knows you knows what’s wrong with you, but they won’t tell you because they know you won’t listen.
  • Not being able to see or think straight is your body’s way of telling you that you’re killing it with poison.
  • Just because you haven’t done something doesn’t mean you can’t do that thing.
  • Everybody doesn’t have what it takes to make it in a cut-throat economy. So maybe we shouldn’t have a cut-throat economy.
  • If someone accuses you of doing something bad and you get aggressively defense, you’re not looking at the situation from their point of view.
  • If your solution to an interpersonal problem involves you being a dick head, it’s going to backfire. I guarantee it.
  • A government capable of building roads for all its tax payers is capable of building homes for all its tax payers.
  • Monthly bills didn’t exist until humans made them. If humans are can make the Internet we should be able to make a world without bills.
  • Reality is bigger than the culture you were raised in.
  • Rules were invented to serve people, not the other way around.
  • Part of growing up is learning to bring closure to bad memories without the involvement of the people who gave you those memories.
  • If someone tells you that you fucked up, there’s more than a 50% chance they’re not completely wrong.
  • If you can’t figure out a better way to respond to anger than with hatred… You’re obviously not trying .
  • If you go to a job interview in America, don’t say, “I’m a creative thinker.” Instead, say, “I love to work.” They want slaves, not thinkers
  • When you get bored, clean your house. You need to do it anyway. You have the time, and you’ll feel good about it afterwards.
  • You’re more likely to succeed as an author by writing 100 books that are 90% perfect than writing 1 book that is 100% perfect.
  • Believing in Christianity doesn’t require faith without evidence. It requires denial of overwhelming evidence. #christianityismythology
  • Everyone detests arrogant people. Know that when you walk around acting like you’re better than everyone…everyone is looking down on you.
  • You can only be mean to someone so many times before they act mean back to you. Same goes with being kind.
  • The more you celebrate your lover the more they’ll celebrate you. The more you disparage your lover the more they’ll disparage you.
  • Only a gullible fool or someone who doesn’t want you to know a truth would tell you skepticism is a character flaw.
  • For every 1 thing you tell your lover you don’t like about them, tell them 1,000 things you do like about them.
  • I’m not saying don’t help people. Just be aware that giving people constructive criticism is more likely to piss them off than help them.
  • If you hate yourself, your life is going to suck no matter what… until you deal with why you hate yourself.
  • The reason you have unexplainable muscle pains is because you do the same things with your body every day.
  • Your day will probably be as wonderful as you are.
  • Most poor people aren’t poor because they’re lazy. They’re poor because rich people horded all the money and created a false scarcity.
  • Cheating is just taking the shortest path from Point A to Point B. This rule applies to accomplishing goals with imposed limits,not fidelity
  • Your dreams are waiting for you to stop making excuses.
  • If you could learn anything, what would you learn? If you’re not already learning it, why aren’t you?
  • “What’s important in life?” you ask. Well, keep asking yourself that for the rest of your life, and hope your answer isn’t totally wrong.
  • Learn something new every day and it’s only a matter of time until you become a better person… especially if you learn important things.
  • Knowledge is just retaining rote facts. Wisdom is finding/deducing rote facts that help you accomplish the most important goal in life.
  • If you do one thing all day, every day, it’s only a matter of time until you become professionally good at that thing.
  • Neanderthals probably went extinct because Homo Sapiens committed genocide… which would probably make a pretty cool movie.
  • It’s harder to appreciate life when you’re poisoning your body everyday.
  • The cure for lethargy is activity.
  • Control your thoughts and you control your destiny. What’s more important than your destiny? .
  • Don’t expect life to just calm you down,center and focus your attention everyday.If you don’t consciously do that yourself it won’t happen.
  • You could hold on tightly to all the regrets, grievances and pains of your past forever… but what would be the point?
  • Everyone deserves a second chance, but be aware that almost nobody ever changes.
  • The people who hurt you in the past don’t exist anymore… and neither do the people they hurt.
  • Whatever tone of voice you use with someone, they’ll probably use the same one back.
  • My blog shows me the words people Google before clicking my blog. Every week someone asks the internet, “Why am I surrounded by idiots?”
  • My blog, “How to go down on a girl” gets about 5,000 hits per month. “How to go down on a guy” gets about 900. I find this interesting.
  • America has over 2 million prisoners (mostly nonviolent drug offenders)… who all wish someone was fighting for their freedom.
  • The biggest problem in most people’s lives is their lack of problem solving skills.
  • The latest pope is doing a terrible job of pretending to have a direct connection with the creator of the universe.
  • I wish someone would make a horror movie about giant cats with snake fangs or dogs with shark heads.
  • A lack of faith in the unproven is not a character flaw. Not rigorously scrutinizing things before believing them is.
  • Women are more likely to talk about how men should love them despite their weight than they are to talk about how much they love fat guys.
  • If you drink and smoke every day… that’s probably all you’ll ever be able to afford to do.
  • Having a bad day is not a valid excuse to be hurtful to other people. But any 10 year old could have told you that.
  • Your body is 98% water.You’re a walking waterfall. Everything your body does uses water.Drink 2 liters of water daily or die sick.
  • We should replace the phrase on the American dollar, “In God we trust,” with “God save the poor from the rich.”
  • When someone says, “I’ll pray for you.” What they’re really saying is, “I’ll do nothing for you while being self-righteous about it.”
  • Imagine what the world would be like if the masses got as worked up over poverty (or any issue that matters) as they do over sports.
  • Most important thing happening in America today: A few brain damaged rich guys are carrying a ball back and forth between two lines.
  • When you watch television you pass up opportunities to succeed at life by investing your time watching other people succeed at life.
  • If you choose to bail someone out every time they screw up, their problems will always be your problems and yours alone.
  • An apology is not a substitute for changing bad behavior.
  • In a world where everything costs money, it stings to go anywhere or do anything.
  • You’d be surprised what people will give you sometimes if you just ask.
  • How do Atheists know which rules to follow? The same way Christians know which rules in the Bible not to follow.
  • There are two kinds of people in this world: Those who have an excuse for everything, and those who don’t have to make excuses.
  • Smart men started The War in Iraq, which only accomplished destabilizing the middle east. Makes you wonder if that was the whole point.
  • Our soldiers have been protecting our freedoms by killing foreign goat herders while our police and politicians take our freedoms away.
  • As a veteran,I feel sick and guilty when Americans thank me for “fighting” for their freedom.You lost freedoms on my watch.
  • If someone pushes you down, it’s their fault you’re down. If you don’t do everything you can to get up, it’s your fault you’re still down.
  • Republicans won’t stand to hear anyone saying one unkind word about America or its leaders… unless you say all the hateful things they do.
  • This is what I think everytime I hear someone say the minimum wage is too high or shouldn’t exist:
  • Women, you don’t have to manipulate men to do what you want. Just give him a blowjob. He’ll do whatever you want and love you more too.
  • Trying something new is usually preferable to doing something old. Even if you don’t like it, you still learn something new. That’s winning.
  • Capitalism defines the value of human life as being equal to the least amount of money the most desperate person will work for to survive.
  • If you only care about yourself, you don’t give other people much reason to care about you. In fact, you give them good reason not to.
  • Packaged foods that takes longer than a year to expire are basically M.R.E.’s and should only be eaten in emergency survival situations.
  • Statistically speaking, you should be gravely concerned about your inability to accept responsibility for your actions.
  • How to be an adult: Realize that your age has no bearing on how much other people should respect you or how much you should respect them.
  • How to be an adult: Don’t get hurt, defensive and belligerent when someone informs you you’re wrong about something. Instead, say thank you.
  • Why are promiscuous men called studs while promiscuous women are called sluts? That’s because women shame their competition while men don’t
  • Some people say it’s inherently immoral to criticize religion… but nobody says its wrong to criticize mythology. #allreligionismythology
  • If you’re going to spend money on anything, buy good shoes and a good bed. You’ll spend half your life in one, and half in the other.
  • If you play the song “Let It Go” from Disney’s “Frozen” while watching internet porn, the lyrics will sync with the action every time.
  • 99% of men masturbate. That’s 99% of the men you’ve shaken hands with.
  • Shortest explanation of USA politics: Most elected politicians are professional campaigners who work almost exclusively for their donors.
  • I bet Thomas Edison, Ben Franklin, and Isaac Netwon would be happy that their work led to the Internet, which is mainly used to share porn.
  • Jesus came to earth with infinite cosmic power… which he used to make more booze without having to run to the store or pay for it.
  • When Jesus said, “He who is without sin, throw the first stone…” He was criticizing the law… the infallible, divine law that HE wrote.
  • First God says to kill fornicators. Then God comes to Earth to save the world by impregnating a virgin. Way to make your job harder, God.
  • Shortest summary of the Bible: God used to be a blood snorting psychopath, but he killed himself and snorted his own blood. Now God is love.
  • I’ve watched excuses ruin more people’s lives than anything else.

11 reasons not to bitch at your man

Bitching is overbearing complaining in a whiny, hurt or angry tone of voice. The complaint usually stems from a conflict of interest and implies a specific call to action: The recipient should feel bad and change their behavior so as not to conflict with the bitching person’s desires.

  1. Bitching is abusive.

Psychologists have coined several terms to describe whining, nagging, complaining, guilt-tripping, insulting and threatening another person to motivate them to change their behavior. They call that emotional blackmail, psychological abuse, bullying, relational aggressionpassive-aggressive behavior, a personality pathology and toxic.

The definition of mental disorder is, “a behavioral or mental pattern that may cause suffering or a poor ability to function in life.” All of these terms are considered mental disorders. They’re literally symptoms of insanity.

I can’t tell you how you’re supposed to live, but you don’t need a prophet to tell you you’re not supposed to behave abusively and insane. No matter what happens after death, no good will come from that being the legacy of your life.

  1. Bitching is hurtful.

Bitching causes suffering on the recipient. Every time you bitch at your man, you should poke him in the chest with a fork, because that’s what you’re doing to his mind. When you finally get what you want and walk away feeling victorious, look over your shoulder at his bloody chest and ask yourself what you really accomplished. Regardless of who was more right or wrong in the conflict, the person who intentionally hurt the other to get what they wanted was the villain.

I can’t prove it’s morally wrong to hurt people, but most of the world believes it, and it’s the basis of most of our spiritual and secular laws. So in the eyes of God and the human race, bitching makes you one of the bad guys. You can say, “Nobody can judge me,” but when it’s all said and done, you chose to stand with the pain-makers, and the chance you’re on the wrong side of the meaning of life is dangerously high.

  1. Bitching is stressful.

Men understand and accept they’re going to have to put up with a certain amount of verbal abuse and manipulation from their girlfriends/wives. Every man’s patience level is different, but nobody’s is infinite, and bitching gets old fast. Living with a bitching woman is like having a giant smoke detector that follows you around beeping at 80 decibels whenever you try to be yourself and do things you enjoy. The only way to stop it is to either hit it or grovel in front of it and give it money. Even then, it only stops beeping for a few hours before it starts back up again.

You shouldn’t be proud or indifferent if that analogy applies to you. You should be asking yourself what you’re doing with your life. You’re like a mad psychologist who turned your house into a Skinner box that shocks the man of your dreams when he tries to be happy. You may as well carry a hand-held chalk board with you all day and scratch it every time he enters the room. If you don’t understand why that’s a bad thing, you need therapy. If you believe you’re entitled to act that way, then you need an intervention.

  1. Bitching is unfair.

Does your man bitch at you constantly? Does he control you by drowning you in guilt, shame and fear? Do you know he’d throw you and everything you’ve done for him under the bus at a moment’s notice if you stood between him and a trivial desire? If so, you know how soul crushing it is to be treated that way. If not, you probably know a woman who has been in a toxic relationship. You’ve seen the suffering in her eyes and probably told her that her man is a no good jerk, and she deserves better.

What does your man do for you? Does he buy you thoughtful gifts? Does he tell you he loves you? Does he work hard and make sacrifices so you can have a better life? Would he die for you? If he even tries to act like a knight in shining tuxedo, that says something about him. If you repay his kindness with impatience, greed and malice, that says something about you. If life were fair, your man would have a woman who treats him like a hero, and you’d be alone.

  1. Bitching isn’t what you agreed on.

The premise of a romantic relationship is that you care about each other so profoundly, you want to spend your life reciprocating your love for each other. That’s the unspoken agreement.

Conveniently for women, most men want to be a knight in shining tuxedo for their princess and build her a castle, and in return for everything they put into the relationship, all they want is motherly kindness and sexual relief. Men aren’t looking for princesses because they want to install a dictator in their home. They commit, because they need an ally in this hard, dark, thankless, stormy fucked up world who actually cares about them and will be their shelter from the storm.

Every time you bitch at your man, you break your contract, make a liar out of yourself and leave your knight out in the rain. That’s not being clever. That’s being a parasite.

  1. Bitching weakens your man.

Studies have shown people are more likely to believe something is true the more they hear it, even if they know it isn’t true. This is known as the illusory-truth effect. Even if you don’t explicitly tell your man he’s a useless, worthless failure who isn’t good enough to do anything right, treating him like it can condition him to believe it, which will create a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Even if his confidence and self-worth are strong enough to withstand being chipped away by the constant condemnation of the person he wants to please most in the world, the mental effort will drain his stamina. You don’t need a degree in psychology to understand this. Men can’t endure living with a giant smoke detector constantly tearing down their self worth at 80 decibels while stabbing them in the chest with a fork. It wears them down into miserable, broken zombies.

Even if you lack the humanity to care how horrible it is to do that to a person, just know that bitching might get you what you want from your man in the short term, but it will increasingly diminish his ability to provide every kind of support in the future.

  1. Bitching erodes your relationship.

If you know a notorious bitcher, give them a copy of the book, “How Full Is Your Bucket?” To quote the book’s Amazon page, “The authors, a grandfather-grandson team, explore how using positive psychology in everyday interactions can dramatically change our lives. They suggest that we all have a bucket within us that needs to be filled with positive experiences, such as recognition or praise. When we’re negative toward others, we use a dipper to remove from their buckets and diminish their positive outlook. When we treat others in a positive manner, we fill not only their buckets but ours as well.”

This isn’t rocket science. Treating people like shit makes them feel like shit, and treating them great makes them feel great. The more you treat your man like shit, the less reason he has to be nice to you, and the more reasons he has to count you among his enemies and get as far away from you as he can.

  1. Bitching is a foreign language men can’t understand.

The differences in men and women’s brains cause them to communicate slightly differently, which can cause major misunderstandings. Bitching may be one of them. In the same way Americans often mistakenly assume Chinese people are angry, because the Chinese language uses intonations liberally that are reserve for aggression in the English language, maybe women don’t realize they’re bitching, because in their mind, they’re just expressing their feelings. But in men’s goal-oriented minds, a woman bitching sounds like an angry football coach bitching them out for losing the game.

Women can argue that men just need to understand how they communicate and be patient with them, but men can argue that women just need to stop bitching, when they know it triggers an instinctual psychological response in their brain that puts them into fight or flight mode. We can argue who should be more accommodating all day, but ultimately, if you want someone to do something for you, you have the best chance of succeeding if you speak in the language they understand.

  1. Bitching is counterproductive.

There’s an old saying, “You can catch more bees with honey than vinegar.” A woman I know and respect expressed this timeless truth another way, “If you’re nice to me, I’ll bend over backwards for you, but if you’re disrespectful, I’ll do everything I can to not do shit for you.”

This is as true in relationships as it is in life. If you bitch at your man, he’ll do the bare minimum for you, but if you give him a blowjob, he’ll give you 110% for the next week.

  1. Bitching creates negative karma ghosts.

Karma ghosts are a metaphor for the way your actions have ripple effects across society. It’s an extension of the premise to the movie, “Pay it Forward” and “How Full Is Your Bucket.” When you do nice things for your man, he goes out into the world with a full bucket that sloshes over into the buckets of everyone he meets.

When you tear down, stress out, and piss off your man, he goes out into the world in a bad state of mind. He’s less patient, kind and enthusiastic. This causes him to empty other people’s buckets, and the damage he does to other people will affect how they treat others.

Your negativity will spread like wildfire until the whole world becomes depressed and angry. You may hate the world and say good riddance, but the point is, the problem will eventually come back to you in ways you could never predict.

  1. Bitching creates negative immediate karma.

There probably isn’t any spiritual force in the universe that sucks up your negativity and drops it back out of the sky into your life in the form of personalized inconveniences. Spiritual karma would be redundant, because the damage is already done the moment you think or act negatively. You experience reality through your mind. When you think and act ugly, that’s what you experience. It’s how the universe looks and feels to you. The effect is just as real as if you had a tiny cloud above your head raining anxiety and anger.

Anytime you justify bitching, you’re justifying painting the walls of your universe with shit. If you don’t care about anyone but yourself, the best thing you can do for yourself is be as nice as possible to everyone, especially the people you spend the most time and share the most bills with. Immediately, and in the long run, the better you treat people, the better life is for everyone, whereas bitching turns your life and everyone else’s to shit.

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Wisdom is asking the most important questions, and it’s a moral imperative.

Knowledge is having the right answer to a question. Wisdom is figuring out the right answer to the right question. The more you know, the wiser you can become, but until you use a piece of knowledge in a question, it’s just inert information in a data set waiting to be queried. You have to ask yourself questions and use the knowledge in your brain as the variables in the equations in order for your knowledge to serve a purpose.

The more important the question, the more valuable it, and the knowledge required to answer it, becomes, but tallying the sum total of your knowledge is futile. The only thing that really matters is you came up with the best answer to the best question to have the most positive affect on your life. If you’re doing that, then you’re moving forward in life and shouldn’t have time to rest on your laurels anyway.

You can appear wise if you happen to know the right answer to a lot of random questions, but if the question is unimportant, then the only people who would praise you for mastering futility are fools. That’s not the definition of genius. That’s the definition of insanity.

Nobody will ever ask you all the most important questions in life. You’re the only one who can do that for you. If you don’t make a habit out of asking yourself, “What is the most important question I can ask?” then you’re a ship lost at sea, not because you can’t sail, but because you don’t.

Wise people appear to be two steps ahead of everyone else because they’ve already asked themselves the most important questions before they came up, and they’re focused and driven because it doesn’t take external motivation to do what’s most important to you. Far from needing a push, you’ll make excuses to justify doing what’s really most important to you. It takes motivation to act against your beliefs. That’s why there are so many backsliding religious people. Religion is hard to do because it requires a lot of cognitive dissonance to believe in something that fails the test of truth.

Since thinkers have already taken it upon themselves to thoroughly question what’s logically most important in life, they’re more likely to be working towards a logical end goal. People who don’t make a habit of asking themselves, “What’s most important in life?” are unlikely to be toiling towards or defending a logical goal. That’s ultimately how you measure the difference between wisdom and foolishness: by the value of the end goal. You can accomplish everything you set out to by being clever as a fox, but if your goals are unimportant, then you’re just the world’s sharpest fool.

So ask yourself, “What’s the most important question I can ask?” Think about that for the rest of your life. While you’re doing it, bear in mind, the only way to answer a question is to ask more questions, and the more skilled you are at asking questions, the better answers you can deduce. So initially, the most important question you can ask yourself is, “How do you ask a question?” Like most questions, there are a lot of answers, and some are more useful than others. If you need a place to start, I wrote a guide which offers one perspective, and there are thousands more  on Amazon.

As you question your way to enlightenment, you’d be wise to question your answers. Our brains trip us up with schemas, biases, logical fallacies, and all sorts of other reasons to be irrational. To make enlightenment more difficult, many of life’s questions have multiple right answers. Some questions have answers that can’t be proven, but have to be asked anyway. And the most important question you can ask right now may not be the same as anyone else. Plus, no matter how much we learn about life, our understanding will always be at least 99.9% incomplete.

We’re all on lost on our own seemingly futile journey customized to our own life, but we’re also all in the same boat. We’re studying the same data set and sharing the stakes. So a lot of our goals/questions will line up. Sometimes corroborating your answers with someone else is proof you’re on the right track. Other times it’s a sign we’re all making the same mistake.

One thing most of us can agree on is, if a lion is charging at you, then the most important question you can ask yourself is, “How do I not get eaten by this lion?” because if you die, then you’re out of the game. So to the extent that life is valuable, it’s important for you to ask yourself, “Am I about to die?” If the answer is “yes,” then the next most important question you can ask is, “How can I prevent that?” If the answer to the first question was “no,” then the next question you need to ask is, “Are other people about to die, and if so, how can I prevent that without getting myself killed in the process?”

You may be a murderous psychopath who views other humans as soulless piles of atoms, or you may be a sociopath who measures the value of others by how you can use them to get what you want. You may be a religious zealot who measures the value of other people by how many of your favorite prophet’s rules they break, or you may be an abused, broken child in an adult’s body, who hates the world for everything it’s done to you. No matter what you think of anyone else, the bigger picture is that we’re all in this together. It takes a collaborative effort to advance humanity. The more people die, the fewer allies we have to accomplish mankind’s long-term goals. We can’t survive, let alone colonize new planets with utopian village theme parks if we don’t work together, but first we have to save each other.

We all need to survive, and right now the sky is looming with apocalyptic threats so obvious you can’t take your eyes off them. The answer to the question, “Is something coming to kill us?” is “Yes.”

I’ll save you some time decoding the matrix of cluster fucks that are strangling the world. The lynchpin of the world’s problems is poverty. Understand that and everything else will fall into perspective. Fix it, and all its satellite problems will fall away.

But what happens after we fix all the world’s problems and establish utopian settlements on Mars? What’s the next most important question we should ask ourselves then? We’ll see when we get there, but one question we should be prepared to ask is, “What’s the greatest threat to the perfect world?”

It would be logical to prepare ahead of time for an asteroid or futuristic Hitler, but the root of all evil is ignorance. If you build a perfect city and fill it with fools, the first thing they’d do is tear it all down with sincerely good intentions. We’ll never live in anything resembling utopia until everyone is wise. That doesn’t mean we all agree on the same answers, just that we’re all talented, self-driven question-askers who are asking ourselves the most important questions.

Before we become wise enough to live in utopia though, we have become wise enough to create it. Plus, if we all became as genius as possible, we wouldn’t even need to solve half the world’s problems, because we’d be smart enough to not do those stupid things in the first place. This means, the most important thing we can do to create and protect utopia is to learn new things and ask new questions today. The better learning resources we have, the faster and further we can improve ourselves.

This means it’s of paramount importance everyone do something to improve education. There are some free online schools, that could use donations, but every nation in the world should be putting money in a single fund to create one online school with the budget of a small country. If your politician isn’t talking about something like that, you should tell them to start or replace them with someone who does.

With or without the perfect education tool, it’s still up to the individual to decide to teach themselves by any means necessary. It’s a moral imperative everyone asks themselves every day, “What’s the most important thing I can teach myself today?” because you won’t grow until you do, and when you don’t grow, the world doesn’t either. The less you grow, the more the world is full of idiots.

scumbag us

It’s worth speculating what would you do if you became an uberman and all the world’s problems were solved. What’s the most important question you can ask when there’s no threat to distract you… or when death is unavoidable? You’re here, and you’re going to die eventually. There’s more to life than just surviving and preparing. If you only live for tomorrow, you put off living indefinitely. There’s value in the moment, and there’s value to who you are independent from what you can do for society.

Whoever you become is who you have to live with. Who you are is how you experience reality right now, and for the rest of the fleeting moments in your life regardless of anything going on anywhere outside your skin. There’s no point training to be the perfect problem solver, student, worker, artist, citizen or parent if you’re not becoming the perfect you. I could be wrong, but sooner or later, the most important question you can ask yourself may be, “How do I become more me?”

What do you do after that? Well, if you can be your favorite you in the present moment, then afterwards, you’ll have the perfect past to look back on.

Everything I’ve said up to this point may feel more like a guilt trip than an inspirational speech. Nobody can just jump up, become an ubermensch and build an intergalactic empire, but I’m not begging or demanding you to carry a burden. I’m pointing out what an opportunity life is. Every question you ask is a step forward, and the more steps you take, the farther you get. Climbing that mountain yields at least three rewards: the experience of the journey, getting to see above the clouds and being able to say you did it. That’s life, and it doesn’t happen on accident.`

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