Category Archives: Observations on Society

My theory on just about every conspiracy theory

Aliens


The universe is too large for there to not be other life forms. However, it’s also too large for aliens to receive radio transmission from Earth, let alone visit us without spaceships capable of faster than light travel. The chances of aliens knowing Earth exists is slim but not impossible. Until we have more definitive proof, there’s no reason to believe aliens have been near Earth.

I’m 99.9% certain aliens have never set foot on our planet, because if they had, we all would have died from the space flu, and they would have died from the human flu. For this reason, I expect we’ll never be allowed to land on other planets inhabited by intelligent life, and they will never want to land on ours.

UFOs


There’s a good chance alien spacecraft have flown by Earth. I want to believe they’ve been captured on film, and I’ve seen some pretty crazy videos of UFOs, but until aliens make contact with us, the simplest explanation of UFOs is, they’re man-made.

Consider that the SR-71 Blackbird was invented in 1964 and wasn’t declassified until 1980. The F-117 Nighthawk was invented in 1975 and wasn’t declassified until 1989. So for decades, sky watchers could see strange shaped aircraft traveling faster than any aircraft known to the public.

It’s fair to assume that in any given year, the U.S. Air Force currently has classified aircraft technology 20 years ahead of what the public knows about. If I were in charge of keeping these aircraft secret, I would spread rumors they’re alien spacecraft to deflect attention from the truth.

Area 51


Area 51 is a real Air Force base located in a remote, deserted part of Nevada. Many strange aircraft have been seen in the skies nearby, and there are widespread rumors that it does, or did, contain the wreckage of an alien spacecraft and the bodies of its extraterrestrial passengers.

Some locals living near Aviano Air Force Base, Italy also believe the Air Force is hiding the body of a dead alien in an underground bunker there too. I was stationed at Aviano for two years with a top secret security clearance. I can assure you, life on base is normal and mundane. My guess is that a work day in Area 51 is closer to my experiences than the way Hollywood portrays it.

Since we know man-made aircraft, 20 years more technologically advanced than commercial airplanes, like the SR-71 Blackbird, are tested at Area 51, there’s a common sense explanation for why people keep seeing UFOs around there. I’m sure whatever is in Area 51 is mind blowing, but I doubt it has anything to do with aliens.

The Illuminati


The Illuminati was a real secret society in Germany during the 17th century that included royalty and other celebrities of the time. Their goal was to, “oppose superstition, obscurantism, religious influence over public life and abuses of state power.” Basically, they were humanitarian intellectuals committed to promoting truth and empowering the masses.

Conspiracy theorists believe this group still exists, but now they want to take over the world and oppress everyone. There’s no evidence this is true. So it would be stupid to take it seriously.

The Freemasons


The Masonic Lodge was originally a fraternal brotherhood in Europe dating back to the 14th century. It was partly a social club and partly a union for mason workers. It spread to America in the 17th century, where its members included many famous politicians and leaders of industry.

Conspiracy theorists believe it still has members at the highest level of government who worship Satan and want to control and oppress the world. You can still find Masonic Lodges operating all over America today, but they’re just a slightly more cultish version of the Rotary Club or Kiwanis Club. They’re basically Cub Scouts for grown-ups. You can join their silly meet-up group and climb the ranks, but you won’t find a secret conspiracy at the top of the pyramid. You’ll just find a bunch of suburban Christians having boring meetings.

Reptilians


Former sports broadcaster, turned professional conspiracy theorist, David Icke, popularized the idea that the world is controlled by shape-shifting aliens called Reptilians. There’s no evidence of this, and anyone who believes in Reptilians either needs to go back to school to learn logic or see a therapist.

If you believe in Reptilians, you’re a gullible, weak-minded fool who will believe anything. The Reptilian conspiracy theory is like Pizzagate. It’s a story invented by a professional liar who has to keep selling stories to keep getting paid.

American secret societies


America has a number of known secret fraternities like the Skull and Bones club, Bilderberg Group and Bohemian Grove, that include many politicians and leaders of industry. Conspiracy theorists believe these semi-secret organizations control the world or are plotting to.

The truth is, these are just groups of rich people who want to help each other get richer. They have a lot of power since they have a lot of money, but the world is bigger than them. China, India, and other world superpowers undoubtedly have their own little clubs for rich assholes, but none of them control the entire world, and it’s doubtful any of them want to.

All they want is for their businesses to make more money. They’ve undoubtedly done some shady things like fighting unions and environmental regulations and keeping the minimum wage at poverty levels. They probably congratulate themselves for ruling the world, but they don’t, nor do they need to.

The moon landing was faked
NASA faked some pictures and video of astronauts on the moon, but they did it because they didn’t have enough real footage to satisfy the public’s interest. Neil Degrasse Tyson does a better job than I could of explaining why it would be easier to go to the moon than to fake all the footage.

JFK


It’s possible there was more than one shooter involved in the JFK assassination, but nobody knows why JFK got shot. It’s doubtful any more evidence will come to light. So we’re just going to have to accept the fact that we’ll never know the whole truth.

Moon bases


In 2001, I was enlisted in the U.S. Air Force, stationed at Aviano Air Force Base, Italy. There, I met a man who claimed to have met a man whose job was to airbrush details out of government photos before the invention of Photoshop. This person claimed to have airbrushed bases out of pictures taken on the dark side of the moon. This story is proof of nothing, but it sure sounds cool. Frankly, I’d be disappointed in aliens and our government if there aren’t any permanent structures on the moon, but there’s no reason to believe there are until we have any real evidence.

The September 11th, 2001 terrorist attacks 


On September 11, 2001, members of the terrorist organization, Al-Qaeda, hijacked several commercial airliners and flew them into the Twin Towers and the Pentagon in a coordinated terrorist attack. Conspiracy theorists claim this was really an inside job, created by the American government as a false flag attack to justify war in the Middle East.

It’s not crazy to believe the American government is capable of this, because they used a false flag attack in the Gulf of Tonkin to justify starting the Vietnam War. It also drew up plans for Operation Northwoods, in which the CIA would commit a false flag attack on American civilians so the Department of Defense could justify going to war with Cuba. The plan was never enacted, but its real evidence of how low the American Government’s moral standards are. Given that the American government also invented false evidence and lied about its justification to go to war with Iraq, there’s no reason to trust anything the American government says.

Having said that, at best, we have evidence a crime was committed, and the American government had the means and motive to do it, but if the government were put on trial, there wouldn’t be enough evidence to convict them. If anything shady happened on September 11th, we’ll probably never know the whole truth. So we shouldn’t act like we do.

 

HAARP


In 1993, the American military built a ridiculously huge and expensive array of antennas in Alaska called the High Frequency Active Auroral Research Project, or HAARP. Officially, their primary goal was to see if they could use the atmosphere as a giant radar or communication device. Eventually, the program was shut down and sold to a college. Conspiracy theorists believe the American military was using HAARP to weaponize the weather.

It’s not crazy to believe the American military would try to weaponize the weather. They weaponized dolphins and tried to weaponize psychics. The people running the Department of Defense would weaponize their mothers if they could. The fact that they defunded HAARP and sold the equipment to a college, means they couldn’t find a way to do anything with the atmosphere… for now.

The American government is spying on you


It used to be a joke that people who believe the government is spying on them are tinfoil hat-wearing, paranoid lunatics. In 2013, Edward Snowden, one of the government employees who spied on Americans, leaked conclusive evidence that the government is spying on everyone and constantly trying to get better at it. It’s no longer a conspiracy theory that the American government is spying on you. At this point, it’s crazier to trust the American government than to distrust it.

The Communist agenda


Karl Marx said that Communism must be spread by the sword, because everyone deserves to be free, and if they’re not, it’s a moral imperative to overthrow their oppressors. This was part of America’s justification for going to war with Vietnam and for putting an embargo on Cuba for decades. The more countries that became Communist, the bigger of an alliance they could form. If enough countries got together, they could overthrow America, which again, their mission statement says they’re obligated to do.

Communist aggression is a thing of the past though, and it only ever really existed in the Russian revolution. Once Lenin and Stalin got in power, they ran Russia as a dictatorship and called it Communism, which is the same thing that happened in China, Vietnam, Cuba and every other country that ever called itself Communist. Communism has never actually been tried, and nobody is even attempting to try anymore. “Communist” China is the sweatshop capital of the world. That’s as Capitalist as it gets, and the farthest thing from Communism.

American conservatives will scream about how Communists want to take over America, but most American Communists are the kind of suburban mall rats who would pay $20 for a Che Guevara T-shirt printed in a Chinese sweat shop. They don’t have much of a clue what Communism is or how to implement it. The Communist spirit is dead, and anyone worried about it has had smoke blown up their butt by a fear mongering shock jocks who probably doesn’t know what Communism is either, other than a trigger word that excites conservatives.

The Socialist agenda


Socialism means shared ownership of the means of production. Co-op stores that are owned and operated by their employees are Socialist businesses. If a government takes ownership of a business, like Venezuela has done with its oil industry, that would be Socialist if Hugo Chavez paid every citizen an equal share of the profits.

Taking government control of a business and then putting the profits into the government’s coffers is Nationalizing the business, not Socializing it. If any of that money goes into politicians’ pockets, or to pay for their pet projects, then that would constitute a dictatorship.

“Socialized medicine” like Britain’s National Health System, is a misnomer. It’s Nationalized health care, not Socialized. The people don’t own the hospitals or make a profit from them. They just pay taxes for a service. Getting access to things like roads, schools or welfare, in exchange for paying taxes, isn’t Socialism.

A welfare state isn’t a Socialist state. It’s just a poorly run economy that fails to address the reason people are poor, which is that they’re underpaid by their employers. Socialism would actually fix the problems inherent in a welfare state, which is probably why rich people starting calling welfare, Socialism. This way, employees will demonize the solution to the problem their employers created.

Whenever you hear a conservative scream about the Socialist agenda to take over America and turn it into a welfare state, you’re hearing one economically illiterate fool echoing economically illiterate bullshit he heard a pro-capitalist, fear mongering shock jock say on TV. The only real Socialist agenda you’ll find in America is the Co-op movement, which can and does exist harmoniously with Capitalism.

Obama is a Muslim Socialist and illegal immigrant


If you ever believed Obama was a Muslim, Socialist or illegal immigrant, you need to stop watching whatever TV shows you’ve been watching, because you’ve been duped by a fear mongering shock jocks who will tell you whatever trigger words will get you to keep watching their show.

If Obama were a Muslim or a Socialist, he’s the worst one ever. His illegal wars have killed hundreds of thousands of Muslims and set the Muslim world back decades. His economic policies were pro-Capitalist. He even went as far as allowing the Occupy Wall Street protests to be illegally and violently shut down.

Obama’s sin is that he was a professional campaigner who worked for rich lobbyists. He’s a Capitalist’s wet dream and millionaire himself. Furthermore, Obamacare wasn’t Socialist. He didn’t give people ownership of health insurance companies. He forced the public to pay private companies for a shitty product. That’s Capitalism operating at its most predatory extreme.

The liberal agenda


Conservative Americans often complain about the “liberal agenda” to destroy America by turning it into a gay-loving, anti-Christian welfare state. If you believe this, you’ve been duped again by fear mongering shock jocks who make meaningless statements to scare viewers into watching more television.

Liberals don’t want to destroy America. It’s crazy that there are actually people who believe legions of faceless liberals are meeting up and conspiring to destroy America for no other reason than, they’re evil. Reread that last sentence, and replace “liberals” with “Jews,” and “America” with “Germany.” People who believe liberals are evil worry me, and the people who keep telling them liberals are a threat to their survival and deserve to be hated, terrify me.

The conservative agenda


The majority of American conservatives get most of their news from Fox News, which claims to be fair and balanced, but is bombastically pro-conservative, pro-Republican, pro-Capitalism and pro-American. It’s equally anti-liberal, anti-Democrat, anti-economic equality, anti-science and anti-immigrants.

Fox’s news segments contain slander, logical fallacies, misdirection, false-flag scares, emotional hype, misdirection and lies. This doesn’t happen because Fox is full of amateur journalists. Bullshit is the product Fox sells, and it has bullshit broken down to a science.

Fox news is so consistent in its agenda and dishonesty, it looks like there’ s a conspiracy among its leaders to create a civil war between conservative Republicans and liberal Democrats. It makes you wonder what’s really going on, and what’s the mastermind’s end game? The truth is easy to deduce if you look at the history of its founders Rupert Murdoch and Roger Ailes.

Rupert Murdoch was born in Australia in 1931. He inherited a fortune from his father and spent the 1950’s and 60’s buying up tabloid newspapers in Australia, which he consolidated under a parent company, News Corp. In the early 70’s, he bought up the major tabloids in Britain and the United States, adding them to News Corp. roster of sensationalist, fake news magazines. News Corp. was convicted of criminal charges for corruption, hacking and stealing in all three countries.

Roger Ailes was born in America in 1940. He started as a production assistant at a local news station in Ohio, where he was promoted several times, earning him the credentials to produce a daytime television talk show. In 1968, Ailes became a professional political campaign manager. He managed Richard Nixon and Ronald Reagan’s presidential campaigns, and he advised George H. Bush, George W. Bush and Donald Trump.

So Fox News was founded by an international tabloid kingpin, who sells lies for a living, and the public relations manager of the Republican Party. When you put them together, you get sensationalist Republican propaganda with the journalistic integrity of a tabloid.

Basically, these two men pulled off a plan to create a television network that indoctrinates its viewers into basing their identity and beliefs on the Republican Party’s political agenda. This is corruption and treason at the highest level. It created a fake culture war that real people have died in. It’s driving the country to the brink of civil war. It orchestrated the launch of the longest war in America’s history. It’s the source of the war on science, which could destroy humanity. And it got Donald Trump elected president.

Why the hell would two men do that? Are they trying to destroy the world? No. They’re just businessmen doing what they do. Rupert Murdoch wanted to sell newspapers and TV shows, and Roger Ailes wanted to produce TV shows. By teaming up with the Republican Party, Murdoch and Ailes got loyal customers, and the Republican Party got loyal voters. They all got a lot richer, and that’s what it’s all about.
Chemtrails


Some conspiracy theorists believe the government is putting chemicals into airplanes and crop dusting the world in an attempt to kill civilians or make them stupid. There’s no evidence of it, and worrying about it wastes time you could be worrying about all the poisonous chemicals that are in practically every product you buy at your local grocery store. Even those are only part of a conspiracy to sell the cheapest product at the highest price to make the companies selling them richer.

Fluoride


Governments have been putting fluoride in drinking water for decades to help strengthen people’s teeth. While fluoride is good for your teeth, consuming it will harm your brain and make you stupid. Guards at Soviet gulags intentionally put fluoride in the water to make the prisoners less sharp and more docile.

Are American politicians putting fluoride in drinking water to make the population stupid or because they’re stupid? This is one of those conspiracy theories that is probably best solved using Hanlon’s Razor, which states, “Never attribute to malice that which can be attributed to incompetence.”

You shouldn’t drink tap water anyway. Every piece of equipment involved in getting that water to your house was built by the lowest bidder. It contains toxins from a hundred different sources, due to a hundred different people’s bad decisions.

The War on Drugs isn’t about drugs. It’s a war on people.


There’s a popular rumor, especially in the African-American community, that the government introduced hard drugs into the ghetto and set high prison sentences for drug users as a way to oppress the black community.

John Ehrlichman, a former aide to Richard Nixon, confirmed this when he confessed, “We knew we couldn’t make it illegal to be either against the war or black, but by getting the public to associate the hippies with marijuana and blacks with heroin. And then criminalizing both heavily, we could disrupt those communities. We could arrest their leaders, raid their homes, break up their meetings, and vilify them night after night on the evening news. Did we know we were lying about the drugs? Of course we did.”

The war on drugs has always been a war on people. If it’s a war on African Americans specifically, the perpetrators have an unlimited tolerance for collateral damage. The War on Drugs causes suffering to people of every color, and it had done as much harm to Colombia as it has to Chicago. Even if African Americans were singled out, it wasn’t because of the color of their skin. If the majority of African Americans were die-hard Republicans who supported Nixon’s agendas, he would have pandered to them instead of attacking them.

The war on drugs may have been invented by racists, but Barack Obama had 8 years to end it. He held that torch tight and passed it dutifully. The only reason he did, was because he accepted campaign donations and promises from war dogs, many of whom were children in 1971, when Nixon basically used a false flag attack to declare war on Democrats and liberals. At this point, the war on drugs is just a pork barrel project that got too fat to kill. That’s as deep as the conspiracy goes.

Bigfoot, Loch Ness Monster and other local legends
Scientists discover new species every year. It’s possible we’ll find an unbelievably large stealthy creature, but until we capture one, there’s no reason to say they exist. That’s how sanity works.

The Holocaust never happened


Some conspiracy theorists believe the Holocaust never happened, and the story was invented by Jews to help justify invading Palestine and creating the modern nation of Israel. Much like faking the moon landing, it would be easier to kill 6 million people than to create a fake story which nobody involved ever leaked the truth about.

We already have cures for most diseases
Some conspiracy theorists believe the shadow government that rules the world already has the cure for AIDS, cancer and most other diseases. There’s no need to bring shadow governments into this. We know for a fact drug companies are withholding medicine, or at least over-pricing them, to force people to keep buying their product. That’s how Capitalism works.

Every business owner decides independently to do whatever it takes to sell their product to as many people as possible, as often as possible, for as much profit as possible. So, yes. There is a conspiracy to withhold medicine, but there’s no central mastermind behind it. There’s just a bunch of rich sociopaths like Martin Shkreli, who have no problem screwing the poor and sick to make a lot of money.

This concept also applies to the conspiracy theory that the government is suppressing technology that would give us unlimited energy so that we remain dependent on oil. I’m sure big oil companies have covered up new technologies. They’ve lobbied heavily against solar and wind power. The politicians they make campaign contributions to have colluded to help them keep the world dependent on their product, but that’s not unique to the fossil fuel industry. Every industry bribes politicians to give them an advantage over their competition. Politicians aren’t colluding in this because it’s all part of their master plan. It’s just that their priorities are up for public auction.

The war on Islam


America has been waging war in the Middle East for decades, and it often kills with disregard for collateral damage. This has led many Muslims to the conclusion America is at war with Islam. Muslim terrorist cults like Al-Queda and ISIS help spread this rumor to recruit gullible, poor, ignorant, disenfranchised young people.

It’s ironic that some American conservatives believe Barack Obama is a Muslim, since he’s responsible for the deaths of enough Muslims to convince the Islamic world that America is at war with their religion. Obama isn’t a Muslim, and the American military isn’t waging a holy war. America just has an industrial war complex that’s wagging the dog.

Boeing and Lockheed Martin can’t sell more weapons to the government if America’s not at war. The Middle East is the most convenient place to wage perpetual war since it’s full of weak, unlikable political leaders and radical sectarian death cults, who nobody minds getting shot. The fact that they’re Muslim is irrelevant to the weapons industry. They’d declare war on mothers and say it’s for freedom if it would convince the American government to buy more bullets.

America is an aggressive empire bent on world domination

Americans don’t think of their country as an evil empire, but there is a popular belief in many countries that America is an empire bent on world domination. As proof, they point to the fact that America toppled their government by force or by subterfuge, took their natural resources and outsourced sweatshops to their country.

Technically, America behaves like an evil empire, but what is America? Who is making all the evil decisions, and why? There is no evil genius or central committee. Remember, American politics is an auction house. America’s actions are for sale to the highest bidder. That doesn’t mean the richest person controls it. That means every rich person in the world can pay to play America like a video game. America is controlled by a bunch of monkeys paying to slap the country’s steering wheel. All these monkeys want the same thing: money.

America could do a much better job of taking over the world by military force if its government was well organized and focused. But there is no focus. The American military is a headless robot being taken on a joy ride by a line of rich guys. Those guys aren’t trying to take over the world. They just want to make the world more friendly to their profit margin. Their company is the empire they’re building. If America looks like an empire, it’s because there are a bunch of imperial companies wearing America like a glove.
Tools of the global elite

The World Trade Organization, International Monetary Fund and the World Bank are international organizations ostensibly devoted to economic prosperity. In reality, they cripple third world countries with tariffs, loans and bureaucracy. Technically, this constitutes a global conspiracy to control the world. However, there’s no evil genius at the top of the pyramid twirling his mustache. There’s just a gang of rich countries holding down poor countries, which is how the world has always worked.

Zionism


In order to understand Zionism, you need to know a little Jewish history. Thousands of years ago, the nation of Israel was conquered by Assyria, Babylonia and Rome, in that order. Each time the Jews were exiled, they picked themselves up by the bootstraps, got organized and retook their homeland.

Rome sent the Jews into exile around 70AD, and they lived in immigrant communities around the world until the 19th century, when a bunch of Jews got together and decided they were going to re-establish a Jewish state. They called the dream of returning to their homeland and reestablishing a Jewish state, Zionism.

The goal of Zionism was accomplished in 1948, when the well-organized Zionists gathered millions of dollars in donations from other Jews around the world, created an army and lobbied the world’s super powers to recognize the new Jewish government and not defend Palestine when Israel invaded the country, toppled the old government, committed ethnic cleansing on the Palestinian population and put the survivors in concentration camps.

Some anti-Semites believe that was really just the first step of Zionism, and the real goal is total world domination. That sounds sinister and unbelievable until you realize that every country wants to rule the world. However, most ordinary citizens just want to survive and take care of their family.

In every country, there are people want to build an empire, and there are those who don’t. Israel can’t even figure out a final solution to the Palestinian problem. Israel is never going to take over the world, and I’m sure most Jews know this, if they ever even thought about it at all. At this point, America is the world’s superpower, and Israel is one of America’s allies. So they got the next best thing. I believe most Jews are content with this.

The Jews run Hollywood


Many people have noticed there are a lot of Jewish names in Hollywood movie credits, which has led some to jump to the conclusion the Jews run Hollywood and are using movies to brainwash the world. There may be a lot of Jews in Hollywood, but that probably only means there’s a conspiracy among Jews to enter profitable industries, which is what everyone in the world wants. Judging by the low quality of movies coming out of Hollywood, I’d say the only conspiracy among them is to make cheap products that appeal to gullible consumers with low intellectual standards, which is what every business owner in the world wants.

Antisemitism


Some Jewish conspiracy theorists believe there’s a worldwide movement to oppress the Jews, and anyone who criticizes any Jew or the Israeli government is prejudice. The reality is, everyone is a little racist, but most people are too busy worrying about themselves to worry about other groups. Jews may be disappointed to learn how little anyone really thinks about them.

There are a lot of religions and ethnic groups around the world who have victim complexes and pull the prejudice card so often it never gets put back in the deck. Sometimes they really are being victimized, like when Nazis put Jews in concentration camps, but sometimes ethnic groups play the victim card to deflect valid criticisms.

For example, I’ve liked every Jew I’ve ever met, but I don’t like the fact that the Jewish government in Israel is putting Palestinians in concentration camps. That’s not me be being anti-Semitic. That’s me pointing out a cut-and-dry violation of the Geneva Convention and the Declaration of Human Rights. If there’s a conspiracy here, it’s not that anti-Semitism is epidemic, it’s that political spin, bullshit excuses and lack of accountability are epidemic.
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Basic training is brainwashing


At some point in your life, someone has told you basic training is brainwashing. If you’ve never read a book on brainwashing or been through basic training, you probably thought to yourself, “I guess I could see how that kind of makes sense.” Then you never really thought about it again. If you did go through basic training, and someone told you it’s brainwashing, you probably told them they’re an idiot.

Most civilians and veterans haven’t read any books on brainwashing. Since neither side knows what brainwashing is, neither can prove their case, even if they’ve been through basic training. The only way to settle this argument is to go through basic training and take a checklist of brainwashing techniques with you. Then see if you find any of the red flags and check them off the list.

If you do that, you’ll check off every single criterion. Basic training is the perfection of brainwashing. To make matters creepier, if you take a checklist of a cult and walk around a military base looking for its red flags, you’ll check off every criterion on that list as well.

Basic training is the indoctrination process of a tax payer-funded death cult. This isn’t an opinion or a theory. Basic training literally fits the definition of brainwashing, and the military’s behaviors fit the definition of a cult. This fact isn’t controversial due to lack of evidence. It’s controversial because it civilians can’t accept they’re funding a death cult that commits human right violations on their heroes, and military members can’t accept it for the same reasons Scientologists can’t admit they belong to a cult.

Global warming and the war on science


Lobbyists from the fossil fuel industry legally bribed Republican politicians to repeal environmental protection laws, because they made producing energy more expensive and thus less profitable. But those politicians couldn’t legalize pollution, because that would look evil, and they would lose voters.

The most important thing in the world to a professional campaigner is their image. So they called up the guy they pay to manage their image, Roger Ailes and told him they need their voters to oppose environmental protection laws. Ailes told his business partner, Rupert Murdoch, who owns Fox News. They used all Rupert Murdoch’s tabloid tricks to convince half of America to believe in a strawman argument about climate change so they’d support Republicans passing laws that help fossil fuel companies make more money by not having to spend it cleaning and reducing the pollution they create.

We shouldn’t even be arguing about climate change. The term was invented by employees of Murdoch and Ailes to trick people into not saying “global warming,” because “climate change” doesn’t sound deadly. But even “global warming” is a distraction from the real issue, which is pollution.

Pollution is poison. The more poison there is in the environment, the more things will die from it. The less poison there is, the fewer things will die from it. That’s true regardless of whether or not climate change is real, and there’s too much poison in our environment already.

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This Was Your Life: Two Social Justice Warriors

This is the 30th episode in an ongoing series in which Loki and his supernatural friends taunt the recently deceased at the gate to the afterlife.  

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See who else Loki and his friends have taunted:


Two Feminist Ladies #3

I’m not a chauvinist or misogynist, and I’m not against feminism. I am against radical feminism, which teaches negative stereotypes of men, especially white men, to use them as a scapegoat for the world’s problems. The comics below satirize common talking points expressed by radical feminist social justice warriors on social media.

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Tips on conversation: Part 1

Talking isn’t a competition. It’s an opportunity.

Humans have a tendency to approach conversations like a competition where the winner is whoever proves themselves the coolest, smartest, most successful, or most charming. But life isn’t a competition for social status. It’s nice when people like you, but in the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t matter. Nor are you under any obligation to like or impress anyone else. Think about it. How many times as someone completely changed your life after you impressed them in a conversation? Unless you’re married, probably never.

Trying to impress everybody is futile, because you’re completely incompatible with at least half of the people you meet. So you were never going to be friends anyway, and most of the people you do get to know will be gone from your life in a few years, rendering their opinion of you meaningless eventually.

There are more enjoyable and useful kinds of conversations  you can have than dick waving competitions. Use conversation as an opportunity to learn, have fun and connect with others. That’s what they’re for.

Nobody is out to judge you.

Nobody who cares about you will judge you, and nobody else cares enough about you to judge you. Ultimately, you’re just another face in the crowd who isn’t going to be around in a few years. Everyone is obsessed with themselves. When they talk to you, they’re only paying half attention to what you’re saying. The rest of their mind is busy thinking about their own needs and insecurities.

In fact, strangers are more likely to want to give you the benefit of the doubt, because we all want to believe we live in a good world, full of good people. When you meet someone new, don’t you hope they turn out to be nice and enjoyable? When you introduce yourself to someone, they’re most likely crossing their fingers, thinking, “Please, let this person be one of the good guys.” They don’t want you to impress them. They mostly just want you to not make their life harder.

It’s true, there are people out there who will judge you, but those people usually judge everyone. Habitually judging others is dysfunctional behavior that has more of a negative impact on the perpetrator’s life than the victims’. That kind of behavior fits the definition of a mental disorder. It’s not a sign of evil. It’s a condition that requires treatment. So when a judge-aholic looks down on you, don’t take it any more personally or seriously than you would someone with an eating disorder judging the size of your meal.

Nobody sees the real you. 

If society’s dress code required everyone to wear masks all the time, we would all be more confident. Hiding our faces makes us feel safer, because nobody can see the real “us.” The more anonymous we feel, the more permission we give ourselves to act as bold in real life as we would on an internet message board. This is ironic, because nobody will ever see anyone for who they really are. Everyone has a completely unique universe in their mind that only sound can escape. Trying to understand who a person is by talking to them, is like an astronomer trying to study the night sky using an ear horn.

Our internal universes are so unique and inaccessible, it’s impossible for us to accurately imagine what reality is like from anyone else’s perspective. Since we can’t see people for who they are, we fill in the blanks with patterns from our own universe. So no matter what you do or say, when anyone looks at you, they mostly see themselves. The way they treat you usually has more to do with how they treat themselves, than how you deserve to be treated. So take advantage of your anonymity to act outside your comfort zone, and don’t worry about what people say to a mirror.

The scarier talking to people is, the more you should seek help.

Talking to people isn’t war. Nobody wants your worst-case fears to come true. They don’t even want to think about it. They just want to feel good. Even if conversations do go bad, in the long run it doesn’t matter. Stressing out about failing in conversations is an irrational fear. That’s the definition of a “phobia,” specifically, social anxiety disorder.

Social anxiety exists only in your mind. You can turn it off like a light by thinking about anything else. If that doesn’t work, read some books on coping with social anxiety disorder and insecurity. If that doesn’t work, go see a mental health professional. Relief will only come as quickly as you pursue it.

The more you look at things from other people’s point of view, the less lost you’ll be. 

I learned some of the advice in this list from books, but I picked most of it up from watching people and trying to imagine life from their point of view. It’s easy, fun and enlightening. The more you understand where people are coming from, the better you can communicate with them. The less you understand them, the more lost you’ll be. If you don’t make a conscious decision to habitually look at conversations from other people’s point of view, you’ll always be lost.

Relax. We’re all apes here.

Some of my advice may seem contradictory, pessimistic or arrogant, but there’s a logical, impartial explanation for all of this. For example, I say people are unique, unknowable universes, but you can figure them out by watching them. I say people deserve love, but we’re all obsessed with ourselves. I say people are lost, ignorant and selfish, which raises the question, why don’t I live alone in the woods if everyone is so intolerably dumber than me?

Relax. I never said I was better than anyone else. The truth is, we’re all basically apes. We’re really clever apes, but our thought processes and motives are primitive enough to be predictable.

Apes are going to ape. That’s no reason to hate them. We may be goofy creatures, but we’re also cosmic miracles. The fact that we exist at all is reason enough to love us.

No matter how much better anyone thinks they are than anyone else, we’re all apes at the end of the day. There’s no reason to feel superior or inferior to anyone else. Nor is there any reason to stress over winning the approval of other apes. If someone ever throws shit at you, take it as personally as you would an ape throwing shit at you. If someone treats you divinely, cherish it. In the meantime, relax.

People would rather hear what they have to say than what you have to say.

When people talk to you, it’s like you’re standing behind an opaque mirror, and they’re talking to a reflection of themselves superimposed over a hazy outline of you. They’ve been talking to themselves their entire life, because they’re all they know of the universe. Being the only thing in their universe, their lives revolve around themselves, and they’re the most important thing in their universe.

People want to talk about what’s most important to them, which means anyone without social anxiety disorder probably wants to talk about themselves. Usually, they don’t even want to have a two-way conversation. They just want to talk about themselves and have you listen, smile, nod and compliment them.

The more you talk about yourself, the less they’re going to feel like they’re getting out of the conversation. After a few minutes they’re going to lose interest and spend the rest of the conversation impatiently waiting for their turn to talk or for the conversation to be over. Impressing people in conversation requires almost no talking at all. The only thing you have to do is find out what aspect of their life they want to talk about and ask them about it. The harder you try to blow their mind with what you have to say, the more likely you’ll convince them you’re an arrogant bore.

Flattery will get you everywhere.

People may be unique and unknowable universes, but making them feel good is simple. Just make them feel good about themselves. Give them the approval they so desperately yearn for. Flatter them.

Look at their wardrobe and how they present themselves. Find whatever they put the most thought and energy into and compliment it. Part of them doesn’t even care if you’re sincere or smooth about it. They just want positive reinforcement.

It looks desperate if you constantly praise people, but they won’t hate you for it. More likely, they’ll feel bad for you that you feel the need to impress your equals. However, you can stealthily give them subtle positive reinforcement by smiling, looking them in the eye, laughing and agreeing with them.

This doesn’t mean you should act like a Stepford Wife. If you’re talking to a violent racist, you shouldn’t be laughing and agreeing with what they say. But as a general rule, if you want people to approve of you, then approve of them. They wish you would.

Your name is the sweetest sound you can hear in any language.

Everyone is existentially lost in an incomprehensible universe waiting to die an unexplainable death. We don’t even know if we really exist or if this is just a simulation in a dream. Even living in a city, surrounded by people, you can feel utterly meaningless if nobody ever says your name.

Hearing someone say your name verifies your existence, and connects you to society. It makes you feel popular, important, and worth knowing. When you hear your name, for that moment, the attention is on you. You’re the belle of the ball. We all want to feel that, and we rarely do.

Saying someone’s name is more than just existential flattery. It’s the difference between a stranger and an acquaintance. The more you hear someone say your name, the more a part of their life you’ll be. To build a long lasting relationship with someone, you have to say their name.

Don’t constantly tell people your life story.

Very few people really want to know your life story. It bores everyone else. It also eliminates your mystery and anonymity. The less people know about you, the more they have to fill in the blanks with speculation. We tend to assume people are more perfect than they are. The less we know about them, the more we build them up. This is why teenage girls get so obsessed with boy bands. Since she’ll never meet the boy in person to find out what he’s really like, she falls in love with a mental construction of her ideal boyfriend. To far lesser degrees, everyone you know has done the same thing to you. The more they know about you, the more they see you as a regular, flawed person.

I’m not saying you should strive to be fake or aloof. You should have at least one confidant who knows your entire life story and all your secrets, and you should share your stories freely with the people you want to build life bonds with. But in casual conversation with acquaintances and strangers, you have more to lose than you have to gain by constantly spilling all your beans and cramming them down people’s throats.

Don’t constantly tell people your traumas, dramas and dark secrets. 

Nobody wants to hear about the best vacation you ever took. They really don’t want to hear about the worst things that have happened, are happening, or might happen in your life. All they want, is to feel good.

Hearing your horrible stories will force them to visualize unpleasant things. Then they’ll feel sad for you and guilty that they can’t save you. Then they’ll feel anxious as they try to come up with a solution to your problem. Then they’ll feel frustrated when you don’t take their advice. Then they’ll feel afraid you’re going to ask them for something. When the conversation is over, they’ll feel relief that you’re not battering their psyche like an emotional tornado. After they leave your company, they’ll continue feeling bad. If this happens enough times, they’ll avoid you.

Nobody wants to feel your pain. They want to feel your joy. If you can’t make people laugh, the least you could do is not go out of your way to burden them with your problems. If you need to talk about your problems, you should talk to a therapist.

Don’t constantly bitch about anything. 

Your life might be great, but there’s something else wrong in the world that pisses you off, like your government, immigrants, your lover, your boss, the opposite sex, young people, etc. Nobody wants to hear about it. Nobody cares that you’re upset. They care about making it through the day as happily as possible.

When you bitch about anything, you put a rain cloud over your audience’s head. You may be right about what you’re saying, and it may be important, but depressing the people you hang out with isn’t going to fix the world’s problems. It’s just going to earn you a reputation as an emotionally draining whiner.

Nobody wants to hear you brag.

You can impress people by bragging for a few minutes. The longer you try after that, the more it’ll have the opposite effect. You’d think people’s admiration of you would be proportional to how awesome of a life you’ve lived. But the more amazing your life is than theirs, the more your success highlights the shortcomings in their life. That makes them feel unfulfilled, which makes them feel guilty. Then they resent you for rubbing it in. Then they dismiss their emotional pain by blaming you and labeling you an arrogant brat who thinks life is a dick waving competition and always hogs the conversation telling your life story that nobody wanted to hear in the first place.

If you do have some really great stories that are genuinely interesting, wait until the most poignant time to share them, preferably when someone asks. Your stories will be far more impressive and digestible if you save them. Then people will be amazed you lived a more interesting life than they thought. Then they’ll fill in the rest of the blanks in your life with more positive speculation.

Don’t one-up people’s stories.

It’s painful enough to hear someone deliver a monologue about how much better they are than you. It’s even worse when they try to trump all of your stories. This is the fastest way to convince people you’re not worth talking to.

Be vigilant not to constantly auto-contradict people.

Having anything you say shot down is annoying. Yet many people’s default manner of speaking is to contradict everything anyone says. They believe they’re being smart by finding exceptions and holes in other people’s statements, but their efforts accomplish nothing. They don’t learn, teach or stand for anything, and it shows. Even if you’re right, your audience probably wouldn’t listen. The only thing they’re going to learn is that you’re impossible to talk to.

Don’t play the devil’s advocate.

Some people don’t realize they’re stuck on auto-contradict. Others make it a point to say things they don’t even believe because they’re on a mission to poke holes in people’s conversation. If you call them out on it, they may say they want to help stupid people correct their ignorance, which may be true, but their deeper motivations are sadism, self-centeredness and insecurity.

If your audience really is ignorant, then taunting them is like belittling a child because he hasn’t gone to college yet. Even if they’re too stupid to see what a misguided fraud you are, your actions still prove you’re a bad person in the greater scheme of life.

If your audience is smarter than you think, which they probably are, they’ll see through your shallow game. Even if they don’t, they’re going to remember how you made them feel. If you didn’t make them feel good, they’re not going to try to be a positive force in your life.

Don’t gossip or bitch about other people behind their backs.

It’s common knowledge that anyone who gossips to you, will also gossip about you. Every time you gossip, you’re convincing your audience you’re not trustworthy. And, obviously, you can only talk about other people so many times before it gets back to one of them. On the other hand, if you never do wrong by people, then that’s what people are going to say about you, and respect is going to come back to you.

Constantly bringing up negative information doesn’t help you or your audience achieve happiness. Sure, gossiping is a guilty pleasure, but it pales in comparison to the good feeling you get from talking about the positives in life. There are enough that focusing on the negative is like going to a rose garden and looking for dog shit to sniff.

 If you liked this post, you may like these:

Tips on conversation: Part 2

Advice on relationships

Advice on living


Tips on conversation: Part 2

Talking about touchy subjects ends in absurdity often, violence sometimes and cohesion rarely.

There’s an old saying, “Never talk about politics or religion.” This is because nobody has the exact same beliefs, and we tend to defend our beliefs more than we question them. We behave this way partly because we’re cognitive misers and party because we’ve been indoctrinated not to question certain topics. Either way, talking about those topics is more likely to end in conflict than cohesion. However, people are more likely to avoid conflict than jump at the chance to escalate it. So you’ll probably spend the whole conversation dancing around taboos, trying not to offend each other.

The whole exercise was probably futile to begin with, because most people only have a vague idea what they believe. So the deeper you dig, the more excuses and flimsy justifications you’re likely to find than useful or interesting knowledge.

Disagree respectfully.

By some people’s definition, an enemy is anyone who disagrees with them. Yet, everyone disagrees with everyone on something. If you perceive disagreements as battle lines, you’ll have to go war with everyone, and the only thing that would accomplish is making enemies out of all your potential allies and friends.

The chances of you changing anyone’s mind about anything are slim. The odds fall to zero the moment you speak disrespectfully towards them, but the more polite you are, the more kindly they’ll have to view you and your ideology.

Even if you can’t convert them on the spot, you may plant a seed that will germinate later. Regardless, you can still win their respect by treating them with respect and presenting your arguments professionally.

The only person who wins an argument is the one who learns something.

Since you’re unlikely to change people’s minds about anything, and it usually doesn’t really matter whether or not you do, the only thing you stand to gain by arguing is learning something yourself. And since arguments usually happen when both people are half right, the fact that you’re arguing in the first place, probably means you need to learn something. Fighting the other person is the worst way to accomplish that goal.

Accepting responsibility for your actions will get you out of trouble better than making excuses.  

The topic of hundreds, if not thousands, of conversations you’ll have throughout your life will be about how you did something wrong. People tend to instinctively defend themselves when criticized, which is one of the worst things a person can do to themselves. When people say to your face, that you did something wrong, they’re almost always at least half right. Their criticism is like a gift from God, because it warns you what’s wrong with you and tells you what you need to fix, before you suffer any real consequences. Getting defensive and/or fighting the people who try to hold you accountable is like fighting a doctor who is trying to remove the knife you stabbed yourself with.

There are two kinds of people in the world: those who make excuses and those who don’t need to. The more excuses you make, the less people will take you seriously. If you want to impress people, then listen to them, and admit when you’re wrong. You might think weaseling out of accountability lets you save face, but it really just makes you look like a weasel. If you accept responsibility for your actions, admit when you’re wrong and fix your flaws, the people you once disappointed will come to look up to you.

 Take advice. 

You can learn how to fix your flaws before they get you in trouble. You probably ask people for advice all the time. The more you bitch about your problems, the more advice people are going to give you whether you want it or not, because that’s the only way they can unburden themselves of the problems you’re dumping on them. People’s advice is rarely 100% true, but it’s also rarely 100% useless. You have nothing to gain by rejecting advice and everything to gain from embracing it.

Don’t give much advice.

Everybody needs advice, but people rarely take it, even when they ask for it. Trying to give someone advice, or expecting them to take it, almost always ends in nothing but frustration for the giver. You’re more likely to burn a bridge than save a life. I’m not saying you should never give people advice. I’m just saying, be aware that you’re playing with fire. If you start to see smoke coming out of the other person’s ears, stop.

Ask for advice. 

People like to give advice, as long as you listen to them and take what they say to heart. It’s flattering and creates a meaningful connection between the confidant and confessor. Plus, it just feels good to help people.

This is convenient, because you need advice. You’re so lost, you don’t even know how lost you are. Everyone around you is a treasure chest of information waiting to be opened. Not asking for advice is leaving money on the table.

Don’t let people constantly dump their problems on you. 

You should try to help whoever you can, because all life is equally valuable. So it’s as good to help others as it is to help yourself. This also means it’s important for you to make the most of your own life, and it’s a waste of your invaluable time and energy to coddle people who just want to bitch about everything with no intention of changing anything.

It doesn’t even help the person with the “apocalypse of the week,” because it enables their parasitic behavior. As long as they have a willing host, they’ll stay an emotionally crippled parasite forever, guaranteeing their trivial problems will always be your emergencies.

People tend to mimic your emotional tone.

Humans learn about the world by mimicking others. Even as adults, we’ll stand up if everyone in the room stands up. It’s almost impossible to frown in a room full of laughing people, and it’s just as hard to laugh in a room full of crying faces.

Behavior is contagious. This doesn’t mean you always act like the last person you spoke too, but you will get swept up in their emotion. For example, if you meet someone who is crying, you’re going to react with sadness. If you someone screams at you, you’re going to want to scream back. When someone shows you kindness and love, you’re probably going to be nice to them.

If you want people to like you and be nice to you, then approach them with happiness and friendship. If you want someone to listen to you, don’t scream at them. If you don’t want people to be stressed out and anxious around you, don’t act like everything is always hopeless.

Everyone uses and reacts to emotional tones differently.

As children, we tend to assume everyone is more or less exactly like us. We reason that if we’re all human, then we must all express emotions the same, but we’re all unique snowflakes when it comes to that. For instance, you’d think you could judge how mad a person is by how loud they raise their voice, but some people shout when they’re not mad, while other people perceive any outburst over a whisper to be apocalyptic.

It’s harder than you’d think to accurately assess people’s emotional state or intentions. So it’s a generally good idea to stay on guard not to let yourself get swept up by people’s emotions. Hear them out while wearing a dumb leopard expression on your face. If there really is an emergency, getting swept up in their hysteria won’t help you fix it. On the same token, don’t shout at people or react to minor inconveniences with excessive emotion. Even if you’re calm in your head, you’re freaking everyone out.

Don’t interrupt.

You’d think it goes without saying not to interrupt people when they’re talking, but it happens every day, because the point of being rude is you don’t think about how your actions affect other people.

Look at conversations from the other person’s point of view. They’re in it for what they can get out of it. They probably feel insecure and want to prove their worth. They’re just hoping someone validates their existence by saying their name and complimenting them. No matter how you look at it, they just want to have an experience that makes them happy.

When you interrupt someone, you may as well stop the whole conversation, point to the person you just interrupted and declare whatever they’re saying isn’t important because they’re not important. Then carry on the conversation.

Nobody deserves to be made to feel unimportant. It’s unjust and will probably make an enemy out of the person you cut down. Plus, observers are more likely to view you as rude, than as the savior of the conversation.

You don’t have to lie to kick it.

Lying to make yourself look better never works in the long run. Eventually people will see what you’re doing and lose respect for you. If they do believe all your outlandish stories, they’ll resent you for making them feel inferior or just for talking about yourself all the time.

People don’t stay friends with the people who impress them the most. They stay friends with the people they’re most comfortable around and don’t have to compete with. If you believe you need to constantly impress your friends, the problem is either in your head, or you need new friends.

Cops, blood, sex and drugs.

If you’re ever in a group that’s either struggling to keep a conversation going, or the topic is boring, ask if anybody has any good stories about themselves or a friend involving cops, blood, sex and/or drugs. You’d be surprised how many stories everyone has involving those topics. They’re as fun to tell as they are to hear. Plus, it creates a meaningful connection with people when they share mildly taboo information about themselves. However, the more formal the social gathering, the more inappropriate it would be to raise these topics.

Always have a few jokes up your sleeve.

Jokes are always enjoyable, but it’s rare to hear one person tell more than five jokes in a single conversation. Anyone can memorize five jokes to have ready. You don’t need to tell a joke in every conversation, and you certainly shouldn’t tell the same five jokes every time you talk. Tell a joke if someone asks, if it’s relevant to the current topic or to bridge a silent gap in conversation. People will like you for it, and your conversation will be more fun.

You are what you talk about.

If all you ever talk about is children’s cartoons, then that’s what your mind will consist of. If all you ever talk about is how angry you are about injustice, you’ll live in a bitterly unjust universe. If all you ever talk about is pop culture, your life will amount to a television commercial. If you spend your whole life bitching about other people, then you fit the definition of a bitch.

If you always speak nicely to people, you’ll feel nice, and you’ll have nice memories to look back on. If you ask everyone for advice, your mind will fill up with superpowers. If you meet people from all over the world and listen to their stories, you internal universe will become as colorful as a Holi festival.

Mind your karma ghosts.

The emotional impact of how you treat people lasts long after you’re gone. If someone walks away from you happy, they’ll probably be nicer to the next person they meet. If someone walks away from you angry, they’ll probably be meaner to the next person they meet. The bigger an impact you have on people, the longer they carry the ghosts of your actions with them. The memory of a single conversation with you could pop up in their mind periodically for the rest of their life, bringing those old feelings back to the surface, like a ghost from the past haunting them.

Your actions have ripple effects that extend across time and space. Every time you make someone feel good, you make the world better. Every time you make someone feel bad, you make the world worse.

Mind your appearance.

The cleaner and more professional you look, the more professionally people will assume they should interact with you. The more sexually attractive you are, the more people will try to woo you and overlook your flaws.

The sloppier you dress, the less seriously people will take you. The more you dress like a stereotypical violent criminal, the more people will be afraid of you. The blander you dress, the less you’ll excite people.

The weirder you look, the more likely people are to reject or dismiss you, which can be a blessing or a curse, because the more you look like the person you’re talking to, the more likely they’ll accept you… and hold you accountable to the cultural standards and values of people who dress like you. In other words, when in Rome, do as the Romans do, but if you don’t want to be held to Roman standards, don’t dress like a Roman, but don’t be surprised when the Romans don’t accept you.

Surround yourself with people who enjoy talking about the same things as you. 

Conversation is an opportunity to learn, have fun and build connections. If you’re constantly bored by the conversations you have with the people in your life, then you probably need to surround yourself with new people who want to talk about the same things as you. Life is too short, and the potential for joy is too great, to spend time with people you don’t find interesting.

Cutting people out of your life doesn’t mean you think you’re better than them. There’s no such thing as “the best people.” There’s just the best people for you. The people you’ll enjoy talking to the most tend to be the ones who share most of your interests as strongly as you.

If you liked this post, you may like these:

Tips on conversation: Part 1

Advice on relationships

Advice on living


Believing in Christianity is always absurd, but more so for certain ethnic groups.

It’s absurd for anyone to believe in Christianity, because Christianity is mythology, and you don’t have to be a genius to prove it. Children are famous for pointing out the holes in Christianity. There are so many holes in Christianity, an entire branch of academics had to be created to account for them all. It had to be, because you can’t believe in Christianity without using speculation and logical fallacies to explain everything in the Bible that contradicts reality.

At least half of all Caucasian Americans, African Americans, Pacific Islanders, Hispanics, and Latinos believe in Christianity. I couldn’t find an exact number for Native Americans, but it’s definitely higher than zero. It’s historically absurd for any member of these groups to believe in Christianity, because Christianity was spread to their races specifically for the purpose of erasing their culture and controlling their communities.

It doesn’t take a genius or conspiracy theorist to come to this conclusion. It’s the theme of Judaism and Christianity’s history. The Torah is mostly a timeline of the Jewish state’s creation and expansion, which officially began with Moses uniting the factions of his tribe under one religion, driving out all other beliefs, customs and competition. The story ends after thousands of years of military expansion and ethnic cleansing.

The only reason the leaders of the Jewish theocracy stopped adding lists of victories and biographies of their kings to the Torah is because the Romans conquered Israel. Since Israel’s government leaders were also its religious leaders, their religious authority died with their political power.

The occupying Romans had a much more fluid attitude towards religion than the Jews. They already had experience reducing civil unrest by absorbing religions and spreading their own. In fact, they were the world’s leading experts in expansion and oppression.

That’s why there was so much civil unrest in Jerusalem during the time of Jesus. The Romans were trying to force their government and culture on the Jewish people, who were decended from generations of militant religious fanatics who believed God had been smiting their enemies for thousands of years. The zealousness and ferociousness of the Jewish resistance fighters earned them a reputation in Rome as formidable opponents who would never surrender.

It’s beyond convenient that the story of Jesus began circulating through Israel at this time. Jesus claimed to be Yahweh incarnate, and had come to Earth in human form for the first time in history, to change His covenant with the Jews. He no longer wanted Jews to expand Israel by military force. He wanted them to accept foreigners as brothers and let Roman soldiers slap them.

It’s also telling that the author of the Bible made it a point to blame Jesus’s murder on the Jews, and absolve the Roman government of any crime. The chances of anyone associated with the Jewish religion writing those words after The Siege of Masada, is slim to none, but the practicality of a Roman writing those words is obvious.

The Jewish insurrection ended as Christianity gained popularity. Within a few hundred years of Christianity’s invention, the leaders in Rome made Christianity the official state religion and published the official version of the New Testament. Then their church leaders added a million more rules outside of the Bible in the form of church doctrine, still claiming the same divine authority they canonized the New Testament with. The chances of the creator of the universe completely reversing the theme of his commandments and abandoning his literal home on Earth in Jerusalem, which He meticulously described how to build, and moving to Rome to speak through Italians, is slim to none.

After Yahweh converted to Catholicism, churches were established in every European country, converting warring Pagans and barbarians into standardized, slap-accepting, Christian workers whose goal is life was to be servile and give God money. So when you read about white Christians oppressing minorities and erasing their culture, keep in mind that white European cultures were the first victims of Christian colonization.

Once Europe became Christian-ized, the Catholic church sent missionaries with explorers from every European country to spread Christianity to the new world. These explorers weren’t noble woodsmen who just wanted to make maps and build log houses. They had a very specific agenda to loot and plunder. In their own words, they viewed all the indigenous people they encountered as work animals to be yoked or vermin to be exterminated.

The chances of the church sending missionaries with looting murderers to save the souls of God’s children are slim to none. Even if that wasn’t the church’s intention, Christian culture still eroded indigenous cultures everywhere missionaries established churches.

Historian, Adriaan van Oss wrote, “If we had to choose a single, irreducible idea underlying Spanish colonialism in the New World, it would undoubtedly be the propagation of the Catholic faith. Unlike such other European as England or the Netherlands, Spain insisted on converting the natives of the lands it conquered to its state religion. Miraculously, it succeeded. Introduced in the context of Iberian expansionism, Catholicism outlived the empire itself and continues to thrive, not as an anachronistic vestige among the elite, but as a vital current even in remote mountain villages. Catholicism remains the principal colonial heritage of Spain in America. More than any set of economic relationships with the outside world, more even than the language first brought to America’s shores in 1492, the Catholic religion continues to permeate Spanish-American culture today, creating an overriding cultural unity which transcends the political and national boundaries dividing the continent.”

In many places, notably, Hawaii, the early British missionaries became wealthy land and slave owners while locals lost access to their hunting, fishing and gathering grounds. The more scarce their land rights became, the more scarce the necessities of life became, which made them proportionally more expensive. Since the job markets couldn’t grow on isolated islands, poverty and drug use became epidemic among Pacific islanders, and they still are today.

Since church attendence is too, Christian leaders are still stockpiling donation from the poorest of the hopeless. To be fair, not all island churches are rich, and many have outreach programs that help their community, but their efforts are lip service towards fixing the fundamental problem they helped create and continue to profit from.

As the world’s island nations were being turned into resource farms for Christian, European nations, so was mainland America. After the British empire lost control of its colonies, many of the Christian governments left in its wake, notably the United States of America, continued to use Christianity to justify slavery.

As much as African Americans still resent and fear slavery, the Bible still approves of slavery multiple times in both the Old Testament and New Testament. So slavery can only remain illegal in America as long as Americans don’t follow the teachings in the Bible.

If a white man told an African American that slavery should be legal today, most people would agree the white guy had it coming if the black guy beat him up. However, when the Bible says slavery should be legal today, most African Americans ignore it or make excuses, even though those passages are the exact ones used to justify enslaving their ancestors.

After slavery ended, Jim Crow laws and Biblical-inspired racism kept African Americans living like second class citizens. To overcome living in a state of perpetual psychological oppression, the African American culture evolved to value racial empowerment and personal independence more zealously than white Americans, who didn’t have the same motivation to prove their worth.

African American culture’s attitude towards self-empowerment directly conflicts with the Bible’s philosophy of perpetual servility, self-loathing  and guilt. A black person wouldn’t accept a white person telling him he’s an unworthy dog, but there are black people with pictures of blonde hair, blue eyed, white Jesus hanging on their walls. And when He says to kneel, they do, just like many Vikings did.

Mexican Americans didn’t officially have to endure Biblical-inspired slavery, but they’ve been treated like slaves most of America’s history. Today, the crime, poverty and church attendance rates in their communities are almost equal to African Americans.

The Bible didn’t create poverty, capitalism did, but the Bible teaches beliefs and behaviors that stimulate poverty and make it harder to escape. The Bible is against birth control, but higher birth rates lead to higher crime rates. The Bible says, “Spare the rod, spoil the child,” but higher child abuse rates lead to higher crime rates. The Bible says divorce is immoral, but higher rates of dysfunctional relationships lead to higher domestic violence rates. The Bible says the poorer you are, the better it is to give more, but the only way to get out of poverty is to save money, and the less money you have, the worse every aspect of your life gets.

In order to be successful in a capitalist economy, you need confidence and education. The Bible indoctrinates you to believe you’re lucky God loves you, because you’ll never be good enough to deserve love. It also teaches you to believe stories that contradict scientific evidence, which sets you up to distrust logic and facts. And all the time you spend reading your Bible, praying and attending church functions, wastes time that could be used to succeed in life.

Poor people have been praying and giving money to God for centuries, and it hasn’t helped them out of poverty. It’s only made poverty worse. There’s enough evidence to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that prayer doesn’t work. The Gospel of Prosperity doesn’t work. The Bible’s instructions on life don’t work.

The DSM-4 defines a mental disorder as, “A clinically significant behavioral or psychological syndrome or pattern that occurs in an individual and that is associated with present distress or disability or with a significantly increased risk of suffering death, pain, disability, or an important loss of freedom.”

The DSM-5 defines a mental disorder as, “A syndrome characterized by clinically significant disturbance in an individual’s cognition, emotion regulation, or behavior that reflects a dysfunction in the psychological, biological, or developmental processes underlying mental functioning. Mental disorders are usually associated with significant distress in social, occupational, or other important activities.”

It’s counterproductive to give money to churches or practice Biblical beliefs. They both lead to emotional distress and dysfunctional behavior. And to continue believing in Christianity, you have to deny overwhelming evidence and use irrational logic; in other words, you have to think and behave in ways that fit the definition of insanity. It’s literally insane for anyone to believe in Christian mythology, but it’s poignantly ironic when the victims of Christianity’s cultural extermination campaigns do it.

I don’t say this in bitterness. It just tastes that way because it’s a bitter pill to swallow. The call to action these observations raise, is not to ridicule Christians. They need treatment, and the only cure for their condition is knowledge.

Most Christians don’t realize how absurd the Bible is, because they never read the whole thing. They only know and practice the parts they learned about in church. Nobody wants to accept that they’ve been basing their life on an ancient state-sponsored mythology, especially if they’re afraid of going to Hell. But you can only see so much evidence before you can’t unsee it. Once you see it, you’ll see it on every page of the Bible.

If the Bible is true, then it will stand the test of truth. In that case, the only thing to be gained from testing it is strengthening your beliefs. If there really is enough evidence in the Bible to prove it’s mythology, you stand to gain everything from looking for it.

If you liked this post, please share it. If you believe Christianity isn’t mythology, free to leave a comment. Then read the following blogs:

 The Bible is mythology

Christianity is bad for you and society

Churches and Christian Culture


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