I was raised in the Bible Belt where women hid their sexuality under poker faces and bland dresses. Growing up watching Disney movies, I came to the conclusion that women were basically asexual and would only consent to sex reluctantly after thousands of hours of a man begging and bribing her. Even then, women only wanted men to make sweet, tender, passionate love to them. In my twenties, it came as a huge shock to learn women actually have strong sex drives, and they often prefer hard, pounding, ravishing sex over vanilla lovemaking. In my thirties, I read a stack of psychology books about female sexuality and was even more surprised to learn that between 30–90 percent of women have recurring rape fantasies despite the fact that most of them feel profound guilt about it. This made me seriously question why so many women have rape fantasies.
Some feminists explain this mystery by saying we live in a rape culture, where “rape is pervasive and normalized due to societal attitudes about gender and sexuality.” I disagree with this theory because even though we definitely live in a sex-culture, you’d have to have a victim complex as bad as the person below not to see that rape is overwhelmingly shunned by society.
Psychologists have offered the explanation that rape fantasies are a way for women to imagine having sex without the shame of feeling like a slut. This explanation makes more sense. Despite how much sex we’re exposed to in the media, slut shaming is still a thing. When people are sexually repressed, they find creative ways to indulge their sexuality. However, promiscuous and prudish women both have rape fantasies, which leads me to the conclusion that rape fantasies are caused more by nature than nurture.
My theory is that rape fantasies stem from Darwinism. Having sex and marrying for love is a relatively new cultural norm. For most of human history, women have been forced into marriages through slavery and arranged marriages where they had to have sex with a man they didn’t choose. Outside of marriage, it’s fair to assume billions of children have been born from women being raped in the streets and in wars. It’s even a cliché that in the cave man days, if a man wanted a woman, he bonked her on the head with a club and raped her.
Basically, the survival of the human race up until modern times has been achieved largely by rape. You and I don’t like the sound of that, but our DNA is amoral; it will reinforce whatever behavior ensures the survival of a species by encoding past behaviors in itself and passing them down through generations as instincts.
I’m not saying women are born victims who want to be raped any more than I believe men are born closet rapists who spend their lives struggling to hold back the overwhelming urge to abuse women… like this guy seems to think:
I’m not saying rape is natural or defensible in any way. All I’m saying is our ancestors’ fucked up experiences conditioned us to have fucked up thoughts. I’m not proud of this. I don’t want it to be true. It’s just the most logical explanation I’ve found that concisely explains why men tend to be sexually aggressive and women tend to fantasize about sexually aggressive men and prefer ravenous sex over Prince Charming sex.
We’re more than the sum of our sex drive. A strand of DNA is six feet long. It contains more instructions than the vestiges of our ancestors’ sexual experiences. Our brains are cosmic supercomputers capable of consciousness, awareness of others, logic, empathy, and a million other positive, empowering abilities and predispositions.
We’re biological machines that are designed to survive, and let’s be honest, our rocky evolution has left us with more than a few quirky subconscious features that conflict with our higher level thinking. Everyone has thought of killing someone. Most people have even fantasized about it at length. Everyone watches movies that allow them to live vicariously through imaginary characters who spend their lives unapologetically killing, stealing, cheating and screwing. Women fantasize about rape for the same reason everyone fantasizes about stealing a million dollars. The two daydreams are functionally and morally equivalent.
In your lifetime, you’re going to think an astronomical number of thoughts. Every consecutive thought you have builds on the previous one. As you think through every subject you know about, inevitably, you’re going to reach some thoughts that are a lot farther out there than you believed yourself capable of. Some of these thoughts will be genius, and some will be illegal.
That’s okay. You’re a sentient computer processing information. That’s what you do. The point is to think through everything enough to make the most productive decisions in your real life. As long as you have enough common sense and respect for life not to act on your wildest passing musings, there’s no reason you should limit what you think about or hate yourself for it.
If fantasizing about getting gangbanged helps you get through the morning, enjoy it like a good cup of coffee. Before you feel guilty of what other people would think, trust me, everyone has masturbated to thinking about something that would shock your socks off.
Note 1: All women are different, and every individual woman changes over time, which means it’s impossible to make universal generalizations about women. However, if you want to impress them, you need to have some kind of understanding of how they think and behave. This guide is a starting point, and it makes a lot of generalizations. Take them with a grain of salt, and pay attention to the woman you’re trying to impress to figure out her specific wants.
Note 2: Also, understand that you can get more dates by changing your entire life to be everything women want, and many men have had great success with the ladies doing just that. But what does it say about you if you change your entire identity to satisfy someone else’s expectations? It kind of makes you an empty slave. Neither gender was put on this earth to be a slave to the other. We’re all individuals with an opportunity and responsibility to define and express our own individuality. Incidentally, the more we become ourselves, the more of a complete person we can share with our lover. So before you change your ways to impress a woman, ask yourself if you should.
EVOLUTIONARY PSYCHOLOGY IS THE MOST USEFUL WAY TO UNDERSTAND DATING
There are more anatomical differences between men and women than just our sex organs. Our entire bodies are filled with subtle differences, which optimize our gender-specific role in reproduction. Just as our bodies are wired a little different, so are our brains. Everyone’s brain are hardwired with instincts that subconsciously manipulate our decision-making process into doing things that will improve our chances of passing our genes on through an ideal mate. We’re not complete automatons, but we’re not completely free or unique either.
We’re all looking for the ideal mate, and even if we don’t have any idea what he or she looks like, the instinctual autopilot ghosts inside our heads do. They’re looking for a mate who can help us and our offspring climb Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs.
Think of the five stages of the Hierarchy of Needs as 5 trials a man has to complete in order to impress the instinctual ghost in a woman’s brain. You don’t complete these trials one after the other though. You complete all of them simultaneously. If you can pass the test and prove to her subconscious that you can help her and her offspring fulfill their potential, then the primal part of her brain will tell her to be attracted to you even if she doesn’t want or need you to actually provide for her and her offspring. This doesn’t guarantee she’ll marry you, just that part of her will be interested in you. The rest is up to you.
THE 1ST TRIAL: SURVIVAL PSYCHOLOGY
No matter how funny, educated or exciting you are, if you can’t help a woman and her offspring survive, then you’re not a very attractive mate. Even women who make enough money to be the breadwinner of the household are still instinctively more attracted to men who look success than to men who don’t. So if you want women to be attracted to you, give them a reason to believe you would be a strong, stable provider.
Be attractive (in all 5 senses).
You can value and respect all body sizes and types and still be attracted to attractive people without being shallow and petty. In fact, we don’t have much of a choice. Our instincts determine what we find sexually attractive, and women tend to be attracted to well-dressed, well-groomed, clean, muscular men who smell nice. If being attracted to that kind of man is petty, then Mother Nature is petty… but she’s not really. She’s pragmatic. The human race needs the healthiest members of the species to mate and evolve. Women are like bees looking for a man-flower to pollinate, and the men with the brightest petals attract the most bees. That’s life.
I’m not saying every man should be a professional model (though I will say that every model will attract women). But it’s naïve for out of shape men to complain about how they can’t get a date. The reason they can’t get a date isn’t because women are petty. They can’t get a date because Mother Nature is telling women not to date them.
If you still think that’s petty and unfair, then consider this: It’s not fair to your family for you to die from a preventable disease halfway through your life. You should be in shape and eating healthy anyway. Getting more dates is just one of the many benefits of taking care of yourself.
Look at the situation from a woman’s point of view. Any woman in the world can have sex today if she wanted. All she has to do is go outside and ask every man she sees to sleep with her, and sooner rather than later, a man will agree. When a woman does sleep with a man, he enters her body and imprints himself on her physically, emotionally and mentally. The quality of the man who enters her is indicative of her quality as a person.
Look successful.
Probably the single most defining attribute of an ideal mate is success. The more successful a man is, the better he’ll be able to produce and provide for children to carry on their mother’s DNA. If you want women to look at you with hunger, then look successful, because success is what rings their Pavlovian bell.
Granted, not every woman wants to marry a man who dresses like Don Draper, but there are more ways to look good than just in a business suit. The important thing is that you’re clean and well groomed. Your clothes fit flatteringly. You have style, and you project the message that you’re collected and ambitious. If you can achieve that, you’ll turn heads.
Consider the alternative. A grown man who wears a tank top and pajamas to the grocery store doesn’t send out any signals that he can support a family. That’s not to say that men who dress like The Big Lebowski are bad people who don’t deserve dates; the goal in life isn’t to be the perfect boy toy. The goal is to be the perfect you. Just understand that the less effort you put into looking successful, the less the sight of you is going to light up the erogenous zones in women’s brains.
Have a stable, well-paying job.
Having a stable, well-paying job is part of being a responsible adult. It’s not too much for women to ask their life partner to be a responsible adult and pull his own weight. It’s not that women need a man to provide for them, but it is extremely important to most women that their man has a stable, well-paying job.
Granted, every woman knows there’s more to a man than just his job title and paycheck. Unemployed men still deserve love. However, all men should be mindful of the fact that there are about 4 billion other wonderful men in the world who also deserve love… and have a job.
If you’re willing to put a lot of work into attracting women, then start by putting a lot of work into getting a stable, well-paying job. Just make sure that your job is personally rewarding to you. Don’t spend your life at a grueling office job you hate just to impress women. Any joy you take from your relationships will be overshadowed by the misery you experience at work, and the stress will inevitably affect your home life, degrading and destroying the relationships you sacrificed your happiness for in the first place.
Show ambition.
A man with ambition is going places, and women who are with ambitious men go places with them. It’s not petty of women to want a man who can help them get ahead in life. If anything, you could argue it would be irresponsible for a woman to invest in a man who won’t improve her quality of life.
Regardless of how successful a man is or becomes, simply by being ambitious, he demonstrates forward thinking, purpose, strength, commitment and many more virtues for the woman at his side (or watching him from across the room) to admire in him.
Spend money on women.
Everybody likes to have money spent on them. Everyone likes receiving presents; just look at how popular birthdays, Christmas and Valentine Day are. Not only is it nice to get new stuff you didn’t have to pay for, but receiving a present makes you feel special. And who doesn’t want to feel special? Plus, when a man gives a gift to a woman, he demonstrates his ability to provide for her and her offspring in the future.
THE 2ND TRIAL: SAFETY PSYCHOLOGY
It takes more than a healthy body and a job to be a good mate. Life is long and full of unexpected dangers. Granted, life isn’t as dangerous as it used to be. So men might not have to slay a lion to pass the second trial, but they do need to give women a reason to believe the concrete jungle isn’t going to eat them and their family alive.
Appear confident.
One of the simplest tests men have to pass in order to prove themselves is whether or not he has the courage to talk to a woman in the first place. One of the easiest ways for a woman to weed out the boys from the men is to stand around and see who has the courage to talk to her. Granted, just because a man has the courage to talk to a woman doesn’t guarantee he’s a fearless prince with a heart of gold, but what is a woman supposed to think about a man who doesn’t even have the courage to approach her?
Women don’t need a savior or protector, but they’re attracted to men they could rely on if need be. One of the easiest ways to guess how capable a man is at overcoming life’s adversities is by looking at his posture and listening to his voice. A shaky, insecure tone of voice demonstrates a lack of faith in ones’ self, which is usually based on experience. A direct, confident tone of voice is usually forged by experiencing success. Granted, you can fake a confident tone of voice, but life is always testing us. Men who stand up for themselves, think clearly under pressure and take risks will continue to impress their mates. Men who shrink from life’s challenges tend to lose their mate’s interest.
Be decisive and proactive.
Some women are looking for a knight in shining armor to sweep them off their feet and carry them off to a castle. Most women don’t need that, but everyone can benefit from having a competent, capable partner to watch their back, fight alongside them and carry them when need be. Women don’t expect men to be superheroes, but there’s something sexy about a man who can take charge of a situation and make order out of chaos. It demonstrates a general sense of responsibility and dependability. Another reason for women to admire decisive, proactive behavior is because men who know what they want and go after it, often achieve their goals. And when they succeed, their family succeeds.
Being indecisive and only reacting to what life throws at you is not a recipe for success. That’s more of a recipe for cowardice, and cowards don’t tend to get far in life. You can’t depend on a coward. In fact, cowards need to be taken care of. Women can be very good at taking care of their man, but with 4 billion men competing for every woman’s attention, why should a woman pick a lovable coward over a lovable trailblazer?
Make a commitment to her.
You may have a lot going for you, but that doesn’t mean much to a woman if you’re not going to be faithful to her. Life is short, and women have little motive to invest their time in a man who is just going to leave her. Granted, asking a woman for her hand in marriage on a first date is probably going to freak her out, but so will texting another girl while you’re on said date.
Own your life and pursue meaningful goals
Women want to be with a man who is going to accomplish great things and be happy with himself and his life. If you’re not going anywhere in life, then neither will the woman in your life. She has higher ambitions than watching you eat potato chips and watch sports. Plus, if you don’t have a firm direction in life, then you’ll have nothing to stand for, which will cause you to fail her shit tests.
THE 3RD TRIAL: SOCIAL PSYCHOLOGY
No person is an island. Our lives rise and fall in communities. Our standing in the community has a huge effect on our quality of life and long-term chances of survival. The more you can help a woman improve her social standing, the more her ghost will tell her what a good catch you are.
Impress her family, friends, and frenemies.
Women are more socially-minded than men. Men tend to solve problems by going into their man cave and thinking really hard. Women tend to talk about their problems with people close to them and use that as a vehicle to work through their decision-making process. One of the biggest life decisions anyone makes is who to spend their life with. Any man who wants a woman to think well of him would be wise to make her family, friends, and frenemies think well him. Then those people will whisper positive, encouraging things to her about him, helping her make up her mind. When a man pisses off everyone close to a woman, they inevitably whisper negative things him into the woman’s ear.
Elevate her place in the social hierarchy.
This is as true today as it was 40,000 years ago; The more members of your community who look up to you, the more likely you (and your mate) are to survive and thrive. The more members of your community who look down on you, the less likely you (and your mate) are to survive and thrive. Popularity is a tremendously valuable commodity. The more social capital a man has, the more valuable he is as a mate. The more unpopular a man is, the more of a liability he is to his mate.
If a woman catches a man who other women want (like a hot musician), it will raise her social value even if that man doesn’t have a good job and wouldn’t be a good provider. The fact that she beat the rest of the women in the competition, makes her the alpha female for the day. She probably won’t stay with the guy forever, but if he doesn’t want her to anyway then both people got something they wanted.
You don’t have to be a rock star to impress women, mainly you just have to look successful. Probably the easiest way to accomplish this is to own a very expensive looking car, like a used Porsche. Ask anyone who owns a Porsche, women will try to date you just so that other women will see them in your Porsche. If this makes women sound petty, let me redeem myself by pointing out that, statistically speaking, most women will fall madly in love with a man who has little to no social value. Many women would never even consider dating a musician or Porsche owner. However, it should come as no surprise that musicians and Porsche owners have less difficulty finding dates than Sci Fi nerds who live in their mothers’ basement.
THE 4TH TRIAL: SELF-ESTEEM
Once your survival is secured, you can (and will) turn your attention to higher-level, more abstract goals, such as developing your identity. The more you can help another person achieve that goal, the more useful of a mate you are.
Make her feel good and smile.
This is a simple yet powerful truth: Everyone wants to feel good. So we naturally gravitate towards people who make us smile, and we recoil from people who make us frown. The more you can make a girl smile, the more reasons you give her to keep coming back to you. The less you make her smile, and the more you make her frown, the more reasons you give her to stay away from you. That’s not to say that emo kids never get dates. It’s just to say that funny kids get more dates than emo kids.
Compliment her.
The world is often cold and unloving. We all have pain that needs soothing and insecurities that need diffusing. We all put tons of work in looking and acting nice, but we rarely get any positive feedback for our efforts. It’s the easiest thing in the world to compliment someone, and the joy it brings can last for the rest of their life. The more you build up a woman, the more she’ll want to spend more time with you. And when she’s with you, she’ll want to build you up. If you abandon her emotionally, she’ll likely reciprocate the gesture.
Do thoughtful things for her.
Women like compliments, but compliments only reveal so much about a man’s character. Women like it when men spend money on them, but anyone can spend money; it doesn’t necessarily prove anything other than the fact that you have money. Doing something thoughtful for a woman shows that you know her inside and out and are willing to go out of your way for her. It demonstrates virtue on multiple levels, which gives women multiple reasons to be attracted to you.
THE 5TH TRIAL: SELF-ACTUALIZATION
When all of life’s trials have been conquered, the only thing left to do is achieve self-actualization. This is the cherry on top of the love cake. If you can pass the fifth trial then you can connect with your lover on the deepest emotional, mental and spiritual levels. However, if this is the only trial you can pass, you’re probably more of a liability than a boon for a woman.
Understand her.
Single women aren’t just looking for a man-machine that’s programmed to be responsible for half the household bills and chores. They’re looking for a living, breathing, meaningful person to look them in the eyes and see who they are. They want to share their soul with someone who will cherish, nurture and remember them. They want to connect with a lover so completely that they become the Yin to the other’s Yang. In order to get to that point, men need to pay attention to their lover. Analyze them and connect the dots. Learn their wants, fears, hopes, ambitions, traumas, ticks, etc.
This is a win/win for everyone. It’s a joy for a man to explore a wonderful woman, and it’s gratifying to her to be valued enough to be explored. Once two people understand each other, they can operate like one person with four hands. Life experiences that intimate are some of the best memories to look back on in old age. We’re all desperate to have such meaningful, blissful experiences. Women who don’t get that out of her relationship are likely to go looking for it elsewhere, because it’s important, and they deserve it.
A word of warning to men: Very few women want to share their life story on a first, second or third date. Intimacy is earned one day at a time. Be patient, and respect women’s privacy.
Tell her you love her.
What women really hear when a man says, “I love you.” is, “You’re worth being loved. You’re valuable, and your value is recognized. I don’t want anyone but you. I’ll be there for you when you need me. You don’t have to worry. You don’t have to stress. You’re home. You win.” Women want to hear that, and they have little motivation to leave a man who is committed to her and makes them feel like a goddess. That’s ultimately what they’re looking for.
Improve your beingness.
Old traumas can keep us living in the past mentally, and worries about the future can distract us from living the moment. But life happens in the here and now, and if you’re not present for it, you won’t be able to make the most of it. This is especially true when you’re with another person (and even truer when you’re having sex). To truly experience another person you both need to be able to let go of the past and the future and be in the present together. If you never do that, your mate may start to feel alone even if she never leaves your side.
Improve your sexual technique.
Sexual pleasure isn’t vital for survival. There are plenty of women who are madly in love with men who aren’t that great in bed, which is a shame because sexual technique can be learned. Even if a woman can accept a man who is bad in bed, she’d prefer to not have to, and she shouldn’t have to. It’s mindboggling that men put so much effort into trying to get women in bed, but they don’t put that same level of commitment into what happens next. Women want to be pleasured sexually. So if you want to impress a woman, study how to be good at sex.
Accept her as she is: crazy.
Women and men’s brains work slightly differently. Men tend to think more analytically and goal-oriented. Men gravitate towards mathematics and engineering more than women. When men go shopping, they walk directly to what they need, purchase it and leave. Women tend to think more holistically, nonlinear, and social-minded. Their skill set gives them “women’s intuition,” which helps them understand people better intuitively. Women gravitate to social science careers more than men. When women go shopping they try on lots of clothes and experience them.
Neither way of thinking is inherently better, but feminine thinking can seem insane to men, and masculine thinking can seem insane to women. To men, thinking like a man is the norm. In a woman’s head, thinking like a woman is the norm. So when we see members of the opposite sex acting abnormally relative to our norm, we often perceive the other’s behavior as irrational and insane.
In every relationship, men and women do little things that baffle and annoy the other. To win the war, you’ve got to pick and choose your battles. If a woman does something that seems crazy, but it’s not hurting anyone, let it slide. She doesn’t need to be corrected. She doesn’t need to be fixed. She needs a man who will accept her and not constantly tell her she’s wrong for being herself.
Respect is a two-way street though. If you have to tuck your balls behind your legs and watch Lifetime movies with her every night to keep her happy, you might consider leaving her for someone who will accept and respect your masculinity as much as you accept and respect her femininity.
Also be wary of women who play the “Bridget Jones’ Diary” card too often. Yes, you should accept your lover as they are, but they should be proactively engaged in a lifelong quest for self-growth. If your lover angrily refuses to change and constantly demands dogmatic acceptance, the problem might not be that you’re an insensitive, selfish man. The problem may be that she’s refusing to accept responsibility for her actions. You deserve to be cared about and built up just as much as she does. If she drags you down more than she builds you up then the cost/benefit analysis of staying with her doesn’t add up, and she doesn’t deserve you. Staying with her doesn’t make you a noble lover. It makes you a willing victim.
TL;DR: If you want to make a man attracted to you, then fill his needs.
EVOLUTIONARY PSYCHOLOGY IS THE BEST WAY TO UNDERSTAND WHAT MEN WANT
Men typically aren’t looking for a tall, dark and handsome woman to hold him in her strong arms at night and be a successful breadwinner who his frenemies will be jealous of. What men are looking for is a woman who will be their caretaker and copilot through their lifelong quest to find themselves and provide for their family. The reason men are looking for that kind of woman is because she compliments the demands society places on men, and evolution has programmed men’s brains to understand this even if they don’t consciously understand it themselves.
Men and women’s entire bodies are filled with subtle differences, which optimize our gender-specific role in reproduction. Everyone’s brain is hardwired with instincts that subconsciously manipulate our decision-making process into doing things that will improve our chances of passing our genes on through an ideal mate. We’re not complete automatons, but we’re not completely free or unique either.
We’re all looking for the ideal mate, and even if we don’t have any idea what he or she looks like, the instinctual autopilot ghosts inside our heads do. They’re looking for a mate who can help us and our offspring climb Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs.
Think of the five stages of the Hierarchy of Needs as five fronts in man’s battle against the world. The more a woman can assist him in each of those battles, the more valuable and thus attractive of a life partner she’ll be… and the more he’ll want to fight for her.
THE 1ST FRONT: SURVIVAL PSYCHOLOGY
Life is a battle for survival. You can lose every other battle in life and keep going, but not the battle for survival. When you show a man you can give birth to healthy babies and help him and his offspring survive and thrive, you give him a reason to want you in his life. He might not think in those terms, but the instinctual evolutionary ghosts inside his head do. He might even have inflexible reasons for staying single and childless, but if you send the right signals to the ghosts in his head, they’ll put rose-colored glasses over his eyes. He might not change his entire life for you, but a part of him will be attracted to you.
Be attractive (in all 5 senses).
Evolution wants us to copulate with the healthiest mate in order to produce the healthiest offspring. So subconsciously we associate indicators of good health with attractiveness. Women are programmed to like big, strong, healthy men who are well groomed, smell nice and dress for success. Men are programmed to be attracted to women with toned skin, vibrant hair, a breast-hip-waist ratio of about 86-61-86 cm, who smell nice and have a soothing voice. Granted, that’s just the middle of the Bell Curve. There are men with fetishes for every conceivable body type, but statistically speaking, women have the highest chance of impressing the most amount of men by being healthy and fit.
You could argue that men should blindly accept women for who they are regardless of their body type, and there’s truth to that statement. There’s also truth to the statement that everyone should be striving to be healthy for their own sake anyway. It’s also true that an unhealthy lifestyle leads to health problems, and your problems become your family’s problems. If you choose to burden your family with unnecessary problems then you’re a liability to them. Men might not fully realize or care about that, but Mother Nature does, and she generally tries to steer men towards healthier members of the dating pool. That’s not petty. It’s practical. Even if it’s unfair, that’s life.
Be willing and eager to pleasure him sexually.
It’s the least profound thing in the world to say that men want to have sex. 99% of the male population masturbates because 99% of the male population is effectively addicted to sex. 99% of the male population is searching for a woman who wants to have sex with him. So, after looking sexy, the quickest, most effective way a woman can make a man more attracted to her is to have quality sex with him.
This doesn’t mean that men will automatically commit to and love a woman after she’s had sex with him. Nor does it mean that women should rush into having sex or let every guy they sleep with give them “ass to mouth.” Sex is a major life decision for a woman, and the decision belongs to her completely. She doesn’t owe her body to any man for any reason.
I’m just pointing out that sex is as important to men as success is to women, and if you give someone what they want then they’ll want to be around you more often. Men want sexual pleasure. So the more sexual pleasure you give them, the happier they’ll be, the more likely they’ll want to be around you and reciprocate the happiness you’ve given them.
The only way for couples to understand their partner’s sexual desires by communicating directly and openly. The more conversations you have about your sexual expectations the more successfully you’ll be able to fill them on mutually agreeable terms.
Help him succeed, and don’t hold him back.
Life is hard for men. They work their butts off and stress over taking care of their family. It’s a profound relief for a man to find a woman who not only acknowledges and respects the weight he’s under but does whatever is in her power to help him succeed. The easier she makes his life, the more valuable of a mate she becomes. Women should be proactively plotting how to build up their man and help him succeed anyway because when he succeeds, the family succeeds. A woman who complains about everything her man does/doesn’t do and won’t lift a finger to help him is just shooting her lover in the heart and herself in the foot.
THE 2ND FRONT: PSYCHOLOGICAL SAFETY
Life isn’t lived when you’re constantly fighting for survival. A man is as grateful for a woman who can foster a sense of safety and harmony in his life as a soldier is grateful for a bunker.
Be faithful.
There’s no point in a man fighting for a woman who is just going to leave him. When a woman does cheat on a man, it means everything he fought for was in vain. Not only did he lose, he lost because he was betrayed by the very person he was fighting for. Getting cheated on is one of the most humiliating, emasculating tragedies that could happen to a man. If you want another man, then leave the one you have first, because cheating is as cruel as kicking puppies.
Life is war, and war is a lonely, terrifying place when you can’t trust the soldier next to you. If you can though, your worries will be halved, and the two of you will experience an interpersonal bond that transcends all others.
Don’t be a gold digger.
Men work hard to provide for their family, and life is as expensive as it can be. Everything we buy costs as much as possible, and the more vital the product or service, the more overpriced it is. You have to go into a lifetime of debt just to get a college degree that opens entry-level career doors, and most jobs pay as little as possible and offer as few benefits as possible. Mortgages are so overpriced that you have to go into another 30 years of debt to buy a house, and even if you can beat the system and save enough for retirement, all of your savings will be wiped out by astronomical health care bills in old age. Our entire economy is designed to make the rich richer by making the poor poorer. This is the entire reason why so many people have to work as hard and as fast as they can for 40+ hours per week at jobs they hate making barely enough to survive because workers are fighting a battle that they’ve been set up to fail.
The last thing a man needs in his life is a gold digger wasting the money he paid for in blood, setting him and his family back, making him work longer and harder just to keep up. Men are often happy to give away all their money to the woman they’re infatuated or in love with, but in the end, all the added stress that comes with supporting a wasteful spender will make a man frustrated, anxious and depressed. This will make him unpleasant to live with, and the relationship will probably end in flames.
Considering what a burden it is for a man to support a gold digger, imagine what a relief it is to a man to find out that his date isn’t a gold digger. Now, imagine how grateful he would be to find out that his date, not only isn’t a gold digger, but will actually spend money on him. Men never expect women to spend money on them. They expect to be expected to be women’s slaves. When a man finds a woman who helps him financially more than she costs him, he’ll believe he’s found a keeper.
Be there when he needs you.
Pampering a man too much makes a baby out of him and a slave out of you. However, men’s minds and bodies take a lot of hits and go through a lot of wear and tear. So they need regular preventative and corrective maintenance. Most of the time all he needs is a pat on the back, a kiss on the forehead, a hug, and a compliment about his penis. As little positive feedback as men get from life, a massage, blowjob, or home-cooked meal can feel like Christmas to a man. So it should come as no surprise that a man will climb a mountain to be with a woman who is there for him when he needs her.
THE 3RD FRONT: SOCIAL PSYCHOLOGY
Impress his family and friends.
Everyone takes their relationships seriously. Women talk to their friends and family about the men in their life all the time, and the opinions of their inner circle hold a lot of sway. Men do the same thing. So if you want a guy to like you, it will only help if his friends and family like you.
Insecure girls may try to cause drama with their man’s family to turn him against them in order to keep him all for herself. This twisted plan is almost guaranteed to backfire. He may choose you over his family for a little while, but eventually, he’s going to look around and wonder why he doesn’t have any friends anymore, and he’s going to realize you’re the problem. If you’re going around tearing families apart then you should be single until you get the therapy you obviously need.
Don’t lower a man’s rank in the social hierarchy.
Women are generally more turned on by men in authority than men are by women in authority, and women are more excited by the prospect of dating a popular/famous person than men are. Whether or not a woman raises a man’s social standing is usually a non-issue to him. Men are more concerned with what a woman can do for him behind closed doors. Having said that, there’s a limit to how big of a hit a man will take in his reputation for a woman. Basically, as long as you’re not an offensive, repulsive, stinky mutant you should be okay. So if you want to obsess over how you can go above and beyond to make a man attracted to you, don’t focus on how you can improve his reputation. Focus more on how you can make him smile and lower his stress level.
While most adult males aren’t too concerned with popularity, they are concerned with being respected by the people they regularly interact with. Losing the respect of their peers would devastate their sense of self-worth. There’s not much a woman can do to help a man gain the respect of his peers other than helping him succeed in life in general. Even if you could somehow talk a man’s friends into respecting him more, that’s not a woman’s job, and it’s not necessary anyway. All you have to do is not embarrass and emasculate him in front of people he respects. You’d think that would go without saying, but soon-to-be-single women do it every day.
THE 4TH FRONT: SELF-ESTEEM
Make him feel good and smile.
This is a simple yet powerful truth: Everyone wants to feel good. So we naturally gravitate towards people who make us smile, and we recoil from people who make us frown. The more you can make a man smile, the more reasons you give him to keep coming back to you. The less you make him smile, and the more you make him frown, the more reasons you give him to stay away from you. Just generally be a warm compassionate, good person, and your man will probably smile when he’s around you.
Boost his confidence.
A man who believes in himself will find a way to overcome any obstacle. A man who doesn’t believe in himself will find a way to screw up every opportunity. Confidence is one of the biggest prerequisites to success. So it should come as no surprise that women find confidence in a man so sexy.
What does come as a surprise is how many women will criticize, insult, and guilt-trip men for failing to live up to their expectations. When a woman lowers a man’s confidence, she reprograms his brain to fail more. When a woman compliments her man out of the blue, praises his success, and reassures him when he fails, she reprograms his brain to succeed more.
Not only is she designing a stronger man to take care of her and her offspring, she’s making him happier. A confident mind is a safe, enjoyable place to live. A self-loathing mind is a horrible place to live. If you give a man a reason to feel better about himself, you give him a reason to come back to you. If you give a man a reason to doubt himself, you give him a reason to recoil from you.
Show him you value and appreciate him.
It doesn’t cost anything to say, “You’re special. I care about you. I love you. I appreciate you. You mean the world to me.” When a man hears those words, it validates all the work he’s ever done in his entire life to get where he is today, and it validates all the work he’s put into impressing and catching the woman he’s with. It’s basically telling him, “You win.” Yes, men want to hear that, and they have little motivation to leave a woman who makes him feel like a winner.
You can tell your man you care about him by saying it with a blowjob, a thoughtful gift, a look, or a kiss. How you express your love is limited only by your imagination, but if you never actually verbally articulate to a man in no uncertain terms that you care about him, he’ll eventually start feeling like a loser. He’ll feel empty and hurt inside and start thinking about leaving you for someone he can win with… which would be tragically ironic if you actually did care about him.
THE 5TH FRONT: SELF-ACTUALIZATION
When all of life’s trials have been conquered, the only thing left to do is achieve self-actualization. This is the cherry on top of the love cake. If you can pass the fifth trial then you can connect with your lover on the deepest emotional, mental and spiritual levels.
Understand him.
In order to make a man happy, you have to fulfill his wants. You won’t know what he wants until you understand him. Learn everything you can about him until you know him so well you can predict his wants. But as you’re studying him, understand that you’re not just doing it so that you can be a better servant to him. Most men don’t want to spend the rest of their life with a servant. They want to spend the rest of their life with a woman who gets them.
Support his interests.
Most men are looking for a woman to devote their life to, but that doesn’t mean the only thing they want to do with the rest of their life is follow you around like a whipped slave, catering to your every need, and obeying your every command. A man is his own person. He has his own goals and interests, and he takes great personal satisfaction out of pursuing his own path.
When a woman shows interest in a man’s hobbies, she shows interest in the man. When she supports the hobby, she supports the man. When she ignores his interests, she ignores him. When she tells him his interests are stupid and a waste of time, she tells him he’s stupid and a waste of time. Thus, she tells him it would be a stupid, waste of time to stay with her.
Don’t emasculate him.
Men should respect and support women’s femininity. Men should be patient with women’s differences and compromise their own behavior to accommodate women’s foreign ways. At the very least, men should not urinate on the toilet seat, argue with women, get impatient when women cry, hang posters of Playboy bunnies in the living room, or expect women to love The Expendables as much as they do.
Every woman in the world can agree that it would be a criminal injustice for a man to force a woman to live exactly like a man. Yet it’s not uncommon for women to try to cut off men’s balls and force them to sit down to pee, hold their purse, hold in their farts, dress metrosexual, drive a pastel-colored car, watch Lifetime movie marathons and never do or say anything remotely masculine. A lot of women see this as finding the perfect man and fixing him, like housebreaking a wild animal. In reality, it’s breaking a man down and killing him inside. It’s caging and torturing a noble stallion.
If you cage a man and try to turn him into something he’s not, he’ll look at the moon every night and dream of running away… as well he should. If you celebrate a man for what he is, and nurture his nature, he’ll look at your face every night and thank his lucky stars he found someone so accepting and supportive.
Bitching is overbearing complaining in a whiny, hurt or angry tone of voice. The complaint usually stems from a conflict of interest and implies a specific call to action: The recipient should feel bad and change their behavior so as not to conflict with the bitching person’s desires.
The definition of mental disorder is, “a behavioral or mental pattern that may cause suffering or a poor ability to function in life.” All of these terms are considered mental disorders. They’re literally symptoms of insanity. I can’t tell you how you’re supposed to live, but you don’t need a prophet to tell you that you’re not supposed to behave abusively and insane. No matter what happens after death, no good will come from that being the legacy of your life.
2: Bitching is hurtful.
Bitching causes suffering on the recipient. Every time you bitch at your man, you should poke him in the chest with a fork, because that’s what you’re doing to his mind. When you finally get what you want and walk away feeling victorious, look over your shoulder at his bloody chest and ask yourself what you really accomplished. Regardless of who was more right or wrong in the conflict, the person who intentionally hurt the other to get what they wanted was the villain.
I can’t prove it’s morally wrong to hurt people, but most of the world believes it, and it’s the basis of most of our spiritual and secular laws. So in the eyes of God and the human race, bitching makes you one of the bad guys. You can say, “Nobody can judge me,” but when it’s all said and done, you chose to stand with the pain-makers, and the chance you’re on the wrong side of the meaning of life is dangerously high.
3: Bitching is stressful.
Men understand and accept they’re going to have to put up with a certain amount of verbal abuse and manipulation from their girlfriends/wives. Every man’s patience level is different, but nobody’s is infinite, and bitching gets old fast. Living with a bitching woman is like having a giant smoke detector that follows you around beeping at 80 decibels whenever you try to be yourself and do things you enjoy. The only way to stop it is to either hit it or grovel in front of it and give it money. Even then, it only stops beeping for a few hours before it starts back up again.
You shouldn’t be proud or indifferent if that analogy applies to you. You should be asking yourself what you’re doing with your life. You’re like a mad psychologist who turned your house into a Skinner box that shocks the man of your dreams when he tries to be happy. You may as well carry a hand-held chalkboard with you all day and scratch it every time he enters the room. If you don’t understand why that’s a bad thing, you need therapy. If you believe you’re entitled to act that way, then you need an intervention.
4: Bitching is unfair.
Does your man bitch at you constantly? Does he control you by drowning you in guilt, shame, and fear? Do you know he’d throw you and everything you’ve done for him under the bus at a moment’s notice if you stood between him and a trivial desire? If so, you know how soul-crushing it is to be treated that way. If not, you probably know a woman who has been in a toxic relationship. You’ve seen the suffering in her eyes and probably told her that her man is a no good jerk, and she deserves better.
What does your man do for you? Does he buy you thoughtful gifts? Does he tell you he loves you? Does he work hard and make sacrifices so you can have a better life? Would he die for you? If he even tries to act like a knight in shining tuxedo, that says something about him. If you repay his kindness with impatience, greed, and malice, that says something about you. If life were fair, your man would have a woman who treats him like a hero, and you’d be alone.
5: Bitching isn’t what you agreed on.
The premise of a romantic relationship is that you care about each other so profoundly you want to spend your life reciprocating your love for each other. That’s the unspoken agreement.
Conveniently for women, most men want to be a knight in shining tuxedo for their princess and build her a castle. In return for everything they put into the relationship, all they want is motherly kindness and sexual relief. Men aren’t looking for princesses because they want to install a dictator in their home. They commit because they need an ally in this hard, dark, thankless, stormy, fucked up world who actually cares about them and will be their shelter from the storm.
Every time you bitch at your man you break your contract, make a liar out of yourself, and leave your knight out in the rain. That’s not being clever. That’s being a parasite.
6: Bitching weakens your man.
Studies have shown people are more likely to believe something is true the more they hear it even if they know it isn’t true. This is known as the illusory-truth effect. Even if you don’t explicitly tell your man he’s a useless, worthless failure who isn’t good enough to do anything right, treating him like it can condition him to believe it, which will create a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Even if his confidence and self-worth are strong enough to withstand being chipped away by the constant condemnation of the person he wants to please most in the world, the mental effort will drain his stamina. You don’t need a degree in psychology to understand this. Men can’t endure living with a giant smoke detector constantly tearing down their self-worth at 80 decibels while stabbing them in the chest with a fork. It wears them down into miserable, broken zombies.
Even if you lack the humanity to care how horrible it is to do that to a person, just know that bitching might get you what you want from your man in the short term, but it will increasingly diminish his ability to provide every kind of support in the future.
7: Bitching erodes your relationship.
If you know a notorious bitcher, give them a copy of the book, “How Full Is Your Bucket?” To quote the book’s Amazon page, “The authors, a grandfather-grandson team, explore how using positive psychology in everyday interactions can dramatically change our lives. They suggest that we all have a bucket within us that needs to be filled with positive experiences, such as recognition or praise. When we’re negative toward others, we use a dipper to remove from their buckets and diminish their positive outlook. When we treat others in a positive manner, we fill not only their buckets but ours as well.”
This isn’t rocket science. Treating people like shit makes them feel like shit, and treating them great makes them feel great. The more you treat your man like shit, the less reason he has to be nice to you, and the more reasons he has to count you among his enemies and get as far away from you as he can.
8:Bitching is a foreign language men can’t understand.
The differences in men and women’s brains cause them to communicate slightly differently, which can cause major misunderstandings. Bitching may be one of them. In the same way Americans often mistakenly assume Chinese people are angry because the Chinese language uses intonations liberally that are reserved for aggression in the English language, maybe women don’t realize they’re bitching, because in their mind, they’re just expressing their feelings. But in men’s goal-oriented minds, a woman bitching sounds like an angry football coach scolding them for losing the game.
Women can argue that men just need to understand how they communicate and be patient with them, but men can argue that women just need to stop bitching when they know it triggers an instinctual psychological response in their brain that puts them into fight or flight mode. We can argue who should be more accommodating all day, but ultimately, if you want someone to do something for you, you have the best chance of getting it if you speak in the language they understand.
9: Bitching is counterproductive.
There’s an old saying, “You can catch more bees with honey than vinegar.” A woman I know and respect expressed this timeless truth another way, “If you’re nice to me, I’ll bend over backward for you, but if you’re disrespectful, I’ll do everything I can to not do shit for you.”
This is as true in relationships as it is in life. If you bitch at your man, he’ll do the bare minimum for you, but if you give him a blowjob, he’ll give you 110% for the next week.
10: Bitching creates negative karma ghosts.
Karma ghosts are a metaphor for the way your actions have ripple effects across society. It’s an extension of the premise to the movie, “Pay it Forward” and “How Full Is Your Bucket.” When you do nice things for your man, he goes out into the world with a full bucket that sloshes over into the buckets of everyone he meets.
When you tear down, stress out, and piss off your man, he goes out into the world in a bad state of mind. He’s less patient, kind, and enthusiastic. This causes him to empty other people’s buckets, and the damage he does to other people will affect how they treat others. Your negativity will spread like wildfire until the whole world becomes depressed and angry. You may hate the world and say good riddance, but the point is, the problem will eventually come back to you in ways you could never predict.
There probably isn’t any spiritual force in the universe that sucks up your negativity and drops it back out of the sky into your life in the form of personalized inconveniences. Spiritual karma would be redundant because the damage is already done the moment you think or act negatively. You experience reality through your mind. When you think and act ugly, that’s what you experience. It’s how the universe looks and feels to you. The effect is just as real as if you had a tiny cloud above your head raining anxiety and anger.
Anytime you justify bitching, you’re justifying painting the walls of your universe with shit. If you don’t care about anyone but yourself, the best thing you can do for yourself is be as nice as possible to everyone, especially the people you spend the most time and share the most bills with. Immediately, and in the long run, the better you treat people, the better life is for everyone, whereas bitching turns your life and everyone else’s to shit.
If things have cooled down in the bedroom there’s a good chance things have cooled down between you and your lover in general. If you want to rekindle the fire in the bedroom, start by rekindling your love and passion for one another. That passion will naturally pour over into the bedroom, and the sex you do have will be more meaningful.
Even if you don’t currently have any problems in the bedroom, you should still make a conscious effort to be nicer to your lover. Love is a flower that needs to be watered every day to blossom and stay vibrant. So make an extra effort to compliment each other, do nice things for each other and tell each other how much you care about one another.
2. Have an open conversation with your lover about your sexual expectations.
If there is anything about your relationship that’s bothering you, then you should have an open conversation with your lover about it. Unresolved complaints only get worse, and the only way they’re going to get resolved is by talking about them. If you can’t talk to your lover then you either need to get couples therapy or break up. If you can talk to your lover then talk to them. Ask them what their sexual expectations are and tell them about yours. Get to know each other’s fantasies, and work out a plan where everyone gets what they want. Improving your sex life can be as simple as that.
3. Talk erotically during (and not during) sex
If you and your partner are always completely silent during sex other than a few moans and grunts, the least you could do to spice up your sex life is to throw a little dialogue into sex every once in a while. It doesn’t have to be raunchy and corny. If nothing else, say, “Baby, I love you,” once at some point during sex.
Compliment your lover during sex. Tell them how attractive they are. Everyone goes through a lifetime of trouble to look good in order to have sex. It’s very gratifying to have that hard work verbally acknowledged and praised by the person you did all that work for. And when your lover gratifies you by complimenting your sexiness it makes you want to reciprocate the gratification.
Call out your lover’s name during sex. That’s not corny at all. It feels great to have someone scream out your name in ecstatic passion. Give that gift to your lover.
Sex isn’t something that only happens in the bedroom. Tell your lover naughty things in the morning before work and throughout the day. Sext them. Randomly tell them how sexy they are. Tell them how horny they make you. Tell them to spend the rest of the day imagining you fucking them. Describe what you’re going to do to them and leave that thought with them to carry through the day. They’ll have a good day, and you’ll probably both have a good night.
4. Vary your sexual positions.
Write the following list of sex positions on a piece of paper, and keep that piece of paper by your bed. Every time you have sex in one of the positions on the list, put a mark next to that position. At the end of a month, you should be able to get a good idea of what you’re doing too much of and not enough of. Adding new positions to your list will only make your sex life spicier.
5. Vary the speed and duration of your sex.
If your sex life happens on Tuesday and Thursdays between 9pm and 10pm, of course your sex life is going to get boring. Write the following list of sexual encounters on a piece of paper and keep it by your bed. Each time you have sex, put a mark next to which kind of sex you had. At the end of a month, you should be able to see what you’re doing too much of and where you have room to spice things up.
Quickie
Tantric Sex
Slow, Passionate Romantic Sex
Routine Sex
Morning Sex
Afternoon Delight
Sleeping Sex
Wild Romp
Fuck Me Like You Don’t Care About My Feelings Sex
6. Have more oral sex.
It’s hard to be unhappy when you’re reciprocating great oral sex with someone on a regular basis. If that’s not part of your life then you’re doing it wrong. If you’re really in love you should be reciprocating oral sex anyway, because nothing says, “I love you” more than putting someone’s genitals in your mouth.
Toys aren’t dirty or kinky. They’re not a danger. They’re an opportunity. But if you’re bashful about the idea of using toys in bed, the least you could do is get an egg/bullet shaped clitoral stimulator. It’s discreet and nonthreatening looking. And it makes miracles. Most women can’t achieve orgasm through penis-in-vagina sex alone; they need clitoral stimulation. A girl can stimulate her clit easily during sex with an egg/bullet shaped clitoral stimulator. That means she can orgasm during sex all the time. That’s not shameful. That’s sex done correctly.
8. Make videos
Making sex videos is fun to do. It’s fun to watch afterward, and the replays can be very educational and inspirational.
9. Change your environment
If the only place you ever have sex is your bedroom then of course sex is going to get boring. If nothing else, rearrange your bedroom every once in a while. Better yet, go have sex somewhere else. If nothing else, fuck in other rooms of your house. Fuck in your car. Get a hotel room and fuck there. Go camping. Find excuses to get out of the house and find new legal places to have sex. You could probably use the change of scenery anyway.
10. Wear sexy underwear
You wouldn’t expect your lover to wear expensive, sexy underwear all the time, but if they did you’d love it. They’d love it if you wore sexy underwear all the time. It would turn them on and make them associate you with the idea of sex. Plus, you’ll feel sexier and more confident yourself.
11. Sex slave Sunday
Imagine this. Every other Sunday you and your lover take turns being the sex master for the entire day while the other plays the role of the submissive. I’m not saying every other Sunday one of you gets locked in a cage naked and has wet dog food thrown at them through the bars. If your lover offers you a blank sexual check for a day and all you ask for is a blowjob at lunchtime, that’s cool. The important thing is you got what you wanted, and next week you’re going to get to reciprocate the selflessness your lover showed you on your weekend in control. This way nobody goes more than two weeks without getting what they want. If you institute sex slave Sunday, be sure to agree on a safe word.
12. Go to therapy
If your sex life sucks and your love life sucks you might consider going to couples therapy. Think of your love life as a child. If your real child gets sick you rush it to the doctor because your child is important to you. If you love child is important to you then take it to the love doctor when it’s sick.
1: Men want sex all the time. This doesn’t make them evil.
Men’s sex drive is generally much stronger than women’s. Men (particularly teens) crave it so badly it hurts. Unfortunately, this means that nature has inflicted a conundrum on you as a woman because denying your boyfriend any sexual relief will likely cause him a great deal of anxiety, and if he has to wait too long to get relief from you he may go looking for it elsewhere. I’m not saying he’s right or you’re wrong. I’m not saying you have to “give it up” to prove that you care about him or that he’s justified in cheating on you if you withhold sex from him. You don’t owe your boyfriend sex. You owe it to yourself to be true to yourself. So don’t have sex until you’re ready. Take care of yourself, and don’t let yourself be pressured into doing anything you’re not ready for.
Just be aware of your boyfriend’s condition so you can understand where he’s coming from. He’s not a creep for wanting to have sex; he’s a human being. Instead of complaining about his urges and silently stone-walling him, communicate openly about your sexual expectations, and encourage him to do the same. If you’re not ready for sex then you may consider just staying single. You may also consider giving him handjobs and blowjobs. There’s no one-size-fits-all solution here. The important thing is for both of you figure out what’s right for you and communicate proactively about it.
If you are at a point in your life and your relationship where you’re ready to have sex, there are a few things you should know about men. Firstly, men weren’t born with a handbook to understanding women. It takes years for men to achieve even a basic understanding of the female mind and body. Don’t expect men to be able to read your mind, and don’t hold it against them if they do something wrong. Don’t be demanding or judgmental. In order to make your first sexual experiences as enjoyable and effective as possible for both of you, you need to do what you can to make each other feel safe and comfortable. If your man doesn’t know how to please you, then instead of resenting him for it, you need to take responsibility for getting what you want/need by training your man how to please you. You don’t have to wait until after you’ve had sex to do this.
2: Men aren’t born sexperts. Have realistic expectations, be patient, and don’t judge.
Young men may not understand that most women can’t achieve orgasm without clitoral stimulation. They may not even know what the clitoris is or where it is. They may not understand what your G-spot is, where it is or how to stimulate it. They may also not understand how important the emotional and contextual aspects of sex are for you. Young men tend to go into their first sexual encounters assuming that women view sex exactly the same as men. Since men are practical, goal-oriented thinkers they tend to view sex as a physical act that revolves around physically stimulating each other until you both achieve orgasm and then the act is over. That’s not to say that men are emotionless machines, but they do have a tendency to not understand that for women, sex is as much (if not more) about the two people involved connecting emotionally and making the most out of the overall experience than simply stimulating each other’s genitals as proficiently as possible until you both orgasm.
Men won’t know these things until they figure it out through trial and error or until someone tells them. So, again, communicate openly with your man about your wants and needs. Also, encourage them to do their own research on the internet other than watching porn videos. If nothing else, share the link to this essay with them.
Also, understand that men feel extreme pressure to succeed at all aspects of life. So there’s a good chance they’ll be obsessing the whole time over everything they’re doing in a desperate attempt to prove their manhood. They do this partly out of a selfish desire to prove their worth to their self, but they judge their success by how much they please you, and they do selflessly want to please you.
In fact, they may be so nervous about pleasing you that their anxiety will cause them to not be able to get an erection. And there’s nothing more terrifying or humiliating to a man than not being able to get an erection during sex. If that happens they’ll experience an avalanche of guilt and embarrassment that they surely won’t be able to get an erection. Then they’ll leave feeling awful, and they’ll regret it the rest of their lives.
As a girl, you know how anxiety can cripple your ability to enjoy sex. Even though some guys can’t wait to get their penis in your vagina, others are just as nervous as you. The more anxiety they feel, the less sexually capable they’ll be. Despite what television may have taught you, all men are not supermen, and most men who come across as supermen are not actually supermen. They’re just really good liars. So don’t expect your man to be a superman. Expect them to be just as human as you. If you want to have the best sexual experience with them then make them feel as comfortable, safe and desired as you want to be. Create a warm, accepting atmosphere for them where they can flourish.
3: Men want to do whatever pleases you.
This brings us to the topic of how you can physically please your man when the time comes. Luckily for you, men are easy to please sexually. One simple way to please your man is to just do whatever pleases you. As long as you’re having sex with him and being an active participant and enjoying yourself then he’s probably going to enjoy it too. Truly, the one thing that drives men the craziest during sex is seeing/hearing/smelling/tasting their lover having the time of their life. Almost the only way you can go wrong is by just lying there like a sack of potatoes. Even then, you’ll find that guys often like to take control and all you can do is just hold on for dear life while they ravage you (in a good way). Even when he takes control, you can still participate by moaning and shouting, which you may enjoy doing anyway.
4: Try new things on a regular basis.
When you finally find yourself in a long-term sexual relationship you’re going to need to try different things to keep your sex life interesting. That means having sex in different positions and in different places. You can try role playing, talking dirty, incorporating toys, blindfolds, handcuffs. The list goes on forever. You don’t have to do everything, and you don’t have to do anything you’re uncomfortable with. However, if you’re never open to expanding your horizons you will probably bore your man, and you’ll be missing out on adventures yourself. Getting kinky doesn’t make you a disgusting slut. It makes you well-rounded.
5: Blowjobs are your best friend.
Blowjobs are your silver bullet. If you can give a great blowjob and you volunteer to give them to your man on a regular basis he will bend over backward for you. If you complain about giving blowjobs, rarely give them to him, and barely put forth an effort when you do, I can guarantee he will complain to his friends about how inattentive you are to his wants/needs. Is that fair? Maybe not, but that’s life. And if you expect him to perform great oral sex on you then you should reciprocate.
If you’re simply refuse to stick your partner’s penis in your mouth for whatever reason, don’t act all disgusted, disappointed, and resentful when your man tries to initiate a blowjob. In doing so, you’re telling him that his dick is a revolting, unlovable piece of trash. Men’s dicks are very important to them. They love them. They name them. They base a portion of their self-worth on them. If you’re going to insult your lover’s manhood, you may as well literally kick them in his disgusting balls, because that’s what you’re doing to him emotionally.
6: Don’t fake orgasms.
Don’t fake orgasms. If a man isn’t bringing you to orgasm then tell him how to improve his technique. Faking orgasms just teaches him that whatever he’s doing wrong is what you like best. There may come a day when you’re having sex and you’re not really into and you just want it to end and you decide to fake an orgasm to get him to hurry up and finish. If you’re going to tell a white lie, tell him that you’re sore and that you’ll finish him off with a hand job or blowjob.
7: Pornography is not your enemy.
A lot of women feel threatened by their man masturbating to pornography or masturbating at all. This is understandable but ultimately unfounded. Like I said earlier, men have voracious sexual appetites, so much so that you may not want to have sex every single time they do. So they’re going to masturbate. 99% of men do masturbate, and it’s not because they don’t want you or they want someone else. They just want to masturbate. If it brings them any amount of happiness then you should want that for them.
8: Pee after sex.
If you don’t use the bathroom within a few minutes after sex you highly increase your odds of getting a urinary tract infection, especially if you have sex in one of the deeper penetrating positions such as the folded lawn chair.
Sometimes women may act like they’re not interested in sex at all, but make no mistake, they’re humans who were born with primal sexual urges. They want sex. They fantasize about it; they wait for it, and they look for it. But they’re not as likely as men to run out and find the first person who will get naked for them because they don’t want to be a slut, and they’re looking to get more out of sex than just physical stimulation. They want a total mind/body/life experience. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes girls just want to get laid, but as a general rule, the point of having sex is the overall emotional connection and experience, not just the physical build up to orgasm.
The circumstances surrounding a sexual encounter are as important as what you do during sex. If you’re going to put a mountain of effort into pleasing a woman’s body the right way then put that much effort into looking nice, picking a romantic environment, complimenting them, making them feel safe and showing them that you genuinely care about them as a person. If you want to be a great lover then you need to view all of these factors as much of a part of the act of having sex as touching a woman’s body. If you can do that then you won’t have to beg and coerce them into having sex because they’ll want to have sex with you.
Having said all that, there are certain things you can/should to do physically please a woman, and I’m about to talk about those things, but as you read them, be aware that infused with all of these steps/techniques is the importance of the emotional connection and the total life experience.
Firstly, men can go from a completely unaroused state to being ready to have penetrating sex in as little as one minute. Women generally require a minimum of ten minutes, but that’s the bare minimum. In order to give a woman the most fulfilling sexual experience possible and the most intense orgasm possible, you should spend an evening romancing them before your clothes ever come off. Once they do, you should be mindful of the fact that she may have insecurities about her body and be feeling anxiety about sharing her most sacred of gifts with you. So don’t rush to the penetration stage of sex. Compliment her naked body. Tell her she’s wonderful and that the experience you’re sharing is meaningful.
If you want to go the Full Monty then give her a slow, erotic massage. It will relax her mind and body. The less anxiety her mind feels the more her body will allow her to experience an orgasm. And the longer you build up her sexual desire the stronger her orgasm will be. Even without giving a full body massage, you can still take time to kiss and caress her body. There’s no single, correct list of steps you need to memorize to pleasure a woman physically. The important thing is that you tune into the connection between you and your partner and go with the flow. When that happens the rest is just details.
Having said that though, it is important to be fluid in your movements. Think of sex like a dance. Fluid, graceful movements are better than herky-jerky movements. Also, every woman has their own erogenous spots on their body that turn them on when you kiss, nibble and touch them there. Explore your woman’s body to find hers. Even though every girl is different, there’s a good chance that nibbling, kissing and caressing one of the following spots will drive her crazy: her earlobe, the back of her neck, her nipples, and her inner thighs.
2: Start slow and ease your way in.
When it does finally come time to slide your penis into her vagina, know that even if she doesn’t feel tight to you, she may be so tight that penetration will hurt her. You can loosen her up a little by fingering her gently first. You can also insert the tip of your penis in and out teasingly and slowly penetrate her gradually. Not only will this help her loosen up, but it will help her body acclimate to being penetrated making her yearn to have you deeper instead of shocking her by having a foreign object unceremoniously jammed into her.
Even after you achieve full penetration, start out slowly. Consider just leaving your penis inside of her for thirty seconds while she gets used to you, and then begin with slow, fluid thrusts. But if all you ever do are slow, romantic thrusts you’ll likely bore her. You’ll want to gradually increase the speed of your thrusts. There’s no single correct technique to exactly how you should thrust. It depends on the girl and the mood. I will say this, you’ll want to be gentle if you’re taking a girl’s virginity, but sometimes girls just want to have the bejeezus fucked out of them. Sometimes they want you to just rail into them like you don’t care about their feelings. If you never, ever do that she’ll be disappointed. But even on those occasions, you’ll still need to start out slow and loosen her up first.
3: Use different positions.
There’s also no single correct sexual position. They’re all wonderful in their own way, and they should all be explored. However, there are a few positions that allow the man to rub the base of his pelvis against a woman’s clit during intercourse increasing the chance she can achieve orgasm during sex. You can do this in the missionary position, but you have to make a conscious effort to swivel your hip up so that your pelvis makes contact with the clitoris. Depending on the shape/size of your bodies you may be able to make good clitoral contact by modifying the missionary position so that the girl lays flat on her back with her legs together and the guy straddles his knees on the outside of her legs and dips his penis down between the top of her thighs into her vagina. Another good position is the cowgirl, which is where the man lays flat on his back and the girl straddles him. Girls often like this position because they control what they feel, and they can rub their clit on your pelvis as they like. You can also lay behind her in the spooning position and reach around her and stimulate her clit with your hand. Or she can stimulate her clit with her own hand or a toy.
4: Stimulate the clitoris.
The one place that every girl wants/needs to be stimulated is on her clitoris. 80% of women can’t achieve orgasm through penis-in-vagina sex alone. They need clitoral stimulation. Feel free to go down on a girl and give her an orgasm before you even start having sex. If you can’t bring her to climax during sex then at least she’ll have had an orgasm, but know that her clitoris will be too sensitive after orgasm to jump right into sex. You’ll need to cuddle for a few minutes and let her cool down before penetrating her.
5: Stimulate the G-spot.
Another factor to consider when choosing your sex position is how well it allows you stimulate the G-spot, which is found on the roof of the vagina just past the opening. The trick is to find a position that angles your penis so that it hits the roof of the vagina. You can do this in the missionary position if you elevate the girls’ hips high enough by resting her ass on a large pillow or lifting her ass in the air with your hands. That can be very effective because it allows you to push and pull her body with your hands as you thrust with your hips. The cowgirl is another position that lends itself to G-spot stimulation. One of the best positions for this is the folded lawn chair, which allows you to make deep, penetrating thrusts. You can also hit the G-spot in the doggy style position if you thrust/press downwards. That’s also a good position for when it’s time to hard-fuck her like you’re never going to see her again.
6: Don’t try to last for hours.
You may think that women want penis-in-vagina sex to last as long as possible since you want to have your penis in their vagina as long as possible, but remember, to women sex is the total experience and not just what happens after your penis enters her. There are times when women want to go for a marathon session, but as a general rule, their vagina will start to hurt after 7-10 minutes of pounding. After 15-20 minutes they’re likely to start thinking about shopping lists while waiting for you to finish. After 30 minutes they’ll be praying for you to finish. So as a general rule, make your foreplay count and don’t worry about lasting more than 10 minutes.
7: Stimulate her mind and body after intercourse.
Whenever you finally achieve orgasm, remember that sex for a woman is a total mind/body/life experience. So the sexual experience doesn’t end the moment you achieve orgasm. If she hasn’t had an orgasm yet you still need to give it to her by stimulating her clitoris with your hand, tongue or toy. Even after that, you still need to put the metaphorical cherry on top of the metaphorical cake. Hold her in your arms and cuddle. Maybe whisper sweet platitudes in her ear. Kiss her, caress her and show her that she’s more than just a fuck doll to you and that you care about her and the total experience.
8: Be respectfully rough in bed.
I’ve put so much emphasis on how important the emotional aspect of sex is to women that what I’m about to say next may seem contradictory and counter-intuitive. Even among women who act like a-sexual porcelain, Disney princesses … there is a tendency for many women to enjoy taking the submissive role during sex and want to be dominated by their sexual partner. Not all girls enjoy this, and those who do may not always want to be dominated every time they have sex or to the same extent each time it happens. Sometimes some girls just like you to take charge. Sometimes they want you to blindfold them and pin them to the bed. Sometimes they want you to slap them in the face and call them a dirty slut. Find out what your girl likes by talking to her, not by trial and error.
You might think, “My girl wears high heels, evening dresses and goes to church or feminist meetings. So there’s no way she would want to be manhandled and made to feel small during sex.” There’s logic behind your point of view, and you may be right, but let me just leave you with a few reasons why your girl may still want to be dominated sexually every once in a while at least.
First, society pressures women to hide their sexuality even though it burns like a fire underneath their good girl facade. After stressing over living this lie for so long, sometimes it feels good to just let go. Not only is being naughty erotic, but by acting the way they aren’t supposed to, they conquer the taboo they’ve been running from.
This doesn’t mean girls want to go out and get treated like a piece of meat by someone who has no respect for them because that would mean they actually are a dirty slut. If a girl can have aggressive, submissive sex with a loving partner in the safety of their shared nest then they enjoy the experience of letting go in a safe, meaningful way that doesn’t actually make them a dirty slut. When you have dangerous sex with a girl who knows you can break her physically and emotionally but you don’t, it shows her that she can feel safe in your arms and in your presence. And even if you have her pinned to the bed, and she can’t move she still has the power to stop you with a single word at any moment, which means you’re not really in control; she’s in control. That means she gets to enjoy the eroticism of being dominated while also enjoying the power of being in control. And make no mistake, being dominated is genuinely erotic. Society just pounds it into men’s heads that we always have to be the alpha male and nothing is more degrading than submitting to someone else’s control. So we tend to view submission as disgraceful to the point that we may not even want to inflict that disgrace on anyone else, which as a general rule is good, but that rule doesn’t always apply in the bedroom. Submission and domination don’t always have to be about social statuses and gender equality. Another legitimate reason why girls like to be submissive in the bedroom is because they want you to be happy, and it drives them wild to see you go wild. At the same time, sometimes girls like to be submissive for a more selfish reason. As you’re madly pounding away at them from behind they’re quietly taking credit for being sexy enough to drive a big, strong beast like you out of your mind. Again, that’s them being in control, and it’s genuinely enjoyable.
So, after you’ve been with a girl for awhile, have a few conversations about submission and domination. Find out what her fantasies are, and explore them at a speed both of you are comfortable with. Agree on a safe word, and respect each other’s boundaries. And after you finish having dominating sex, make an extra effort to be kind and comforting during the afterglow phase to show her that you truly do respect her.
9: Sex toys aren’t your competition. They’re your opportunity.
On a final note, I want to take a moment to talk about dildos and vibrators. A lot of men are intimidated and offended by sex toys because they’re afraid that if their significant other uses a gigantic vibrating toy they’ll get spoiled on it and won’t be satisfied with their man’s penis anymore. Plus, men don’t like the idea of any dick (real or plastic) invading their territory. These fears are understandable but ultimately unfounded.
Remember that sex for a woman is as much (if not more) about the emotional connection between the two people involved. A piece of plastic can never replace a flesh and blood man who can love them and ravage their entire body during intercourse. Also, women have a right to have their vagina filled up with a massive plastic dong every once in a while. It’s not your place to tell them they don’t have that right. And you should want them to be happy. If they get any joy from getting off with a toy every once in a while then you should want that for them. At any rate, you’re almost certainly going to masturbate without them at some point. So don’t be a hypocrite.
The issue of sex toys shouldn’t involve accusations and defenses anyway. Sex toys aren’t a threat. They’re an opportunity. If you incorporate them into your sex life you open up a whole new world of possibilities. Probably the greatest advantage of using vibrators during sex is that you can stimulate your girl’s clitoris while you have penis-in-vagina sex, which will greatly increase the odds of her having an orgasm during sex. When that happens she won’t be thinking, “This toy got me off.” She’ll be thinking, “I got off with my lover while we used a toy.” See what happened there? The toy does all the work, and you get all the credit. With a little practice, you can greatly increase the odds of being able to achieve orgasm simultaneously, and that is a truly magical thing. The best toy to use to stimulate her clit during sex isn’t a big cock-shaped vibrator. You’ll have better luck with a small, variable-speed bullet/egg-shaped clitoral stimulator.
Note: I served in the U.S. Air Force from 2000-2007. My AFSC was 3C0X1 (Communications computer systems operator). My highest rank was E-5 (Staff Sergeant), and I received an honorable discharge.
Dear Active Duty Troops,
Stop for a moment, and take a second look at the oath you swore at MEPS:
“”I, _____, do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; and that I will obey the orders of the President of the United States and the orders of the officers appointed over me, according to regulations and the Uniform Code of Military Justice. So help me God.”
Did you ever notice that nowhere in that oath does it say anything about the well-being of the American people? The closest it comes is citing a secondary source: The U.S. Constitution, which gives a nod to the people, but the U.S. Constitution is also the legal document that politicians base their powers on….politicians who have given themselves the power to tag anyone, even Americans as a terrorist with no accountability. So this oath swears loyalty to politicians who don’t honor any parts of the Constitution except the parts that give them power.
The enlistment oath also swears unquestioning allegiance to the Uniform Code of Military Justice (UCMJ). The Uniform Code of Military Justice is a legal document written by politicians that violates the Constitution and the Universal Declaration of Human Rights by outlining and legitimizing the operation of the world’s largest, oldest, most streamlined cult. I don’t say that as an insult. I’m objectively pointing at the writing on the wall. The UCMJ took everything psychologists know about the dark side of modern psychology and designed the quintessential cult. Before the civil rights movement of the mid-1900s there wasn’t a need for the UCMJ, but once enough precedence had been set that people have to be treated humanely, the military side-stepped this responsibility by creating a new legal system outside civilian law.
This is an unflattering critique of the U.S. military’s most sacred document, but the math adds up. It’s all right there in plain sight. Look it up. Or you can enlist and see for yourself or get a job as a civilian contractor for the military and see the outcome first hand. The field slaves answer to the house slaves, and the house slaves answer to the politicians. If you’ve ever watched the news or turned on the internet then you should be able to connect the rest of the dots yourself. The politicians answer to their campaign donors, and their campaign donors are the 1%. So the United States military is a death cult directly and solely accountable to the highest bidder. That’s not a conspiracy. That’s a paper trail the size of the Grand Canyon.
What does the highest bidder want? The highest bidder wants the politicians who represent them to control more of anything and everything in the world that will make them more money. One of the things that makes the rich richest is selling weapons and support to the military. War profiteers are making money hand over fist from both ends of the military, and the more money they make, the more certain they can make it that the only thing that will ever change is they’ll get richer…by waging more wars whether the world needs them or not. That and photo ops is what the United States Military was designed to stand for, and that explains every major military conflict America has been in since WWII much better than the overgeneralized-to-the-point-of-being-useless explanations the U.S. military’s public affairs department puts on its press releases.
That much alone should warrant a deafening public outcry for military reform and a boycott of reenlistments, but the situation is direr than that. Not that the oath of enlistment directly mentions protecting civilians, but any active duty troop who felt in their heart that their oath was to protect the rights, freedoms, and dignities of the American civilian population, has failed. The American people got sold out on the troops’ watch.
The troops fail every day a TSA agent touches a person’s genitals. The troops fail every time the government eavesdrops on citizens. The troops fail every time the police incarcerate another drug addict. The troops fail every time an American can’t see a doctor. The troops fail every time poisonous additives are added to the food sold in grocery stores. The troops fail every time a university raises tuition. The troops fail every time workers lose the right to form unions. The troops fail every time a presidential candidate is caught telling a lie. The troops fail everyday homosexuals and polygamists can’t marry. The troops fail every time an officer orders an enlisted soldier to choose between saluting them or going to jail. Every troop fails every time a single troop torture a prisoner of war.
On a wider scale, the troops fail every day the North Korean dynasty stays in power. The troops fail every time an Israeli soldier burns a Palestinian’s olive grove. The troops fail every time an African warlord rapes a child. The troops fail every time America’s political sanctions kill a child. The troops fail every time a drone kills an innocent person. The richer the rich get, and the poorer the poor get, the more the troops fail. For all the little signs of hope you see in the war zones you’ve created, the rest of the world is crumbling as a direct result of your actions and inactions.
The call to action isn’t for people to spit on troops. Troops aren’t villains, they’re victims. The call to action is for everyone to read the UCMJ. If you can’t understand it, go through it line by line with a lawyer, a psychologist and a cult leader. They can point out the sinister parts. Then talk to others about the need to reform the UCMJ. It took decades of everyone inside and out of the military screaming that gays should be able to enlist before the wheels of the military bureaucracy creaked around to allowing it. It’s going to take more talk than that to bring the entire UCMJ into compliance with the U.S. Constitution and the Declaration of Human Rights let alone pull the linchpin that connects military power to corporate profits.
Ignorance and silence are all the highest bidders need to keep big war profitable. Study the UCMJ and the U.S. military in general. If it has real flaws, the solution isn’t to take offense when they’re brought up. If you eat, sleep and breath military then your patriotism should motivate you to find and address the flaws in the military yourself, because as it stands, your leaders are undermining your oath. If you’re not in the military, and you live in fear of the U.S. military and/or the corporate interests it serves then study the UCMJ and the industrial military war complex and find a way to peacefully and respectfully let it be known that the UCMJ doesn’t meet the needs or moral standards of your generation.
Note 1: I served in the U.S. Air Force from 2000-2007. My AFSC was 3C0X1 (Communications computer systems operator). My highest rank was E-5 (Staff Sergeant), and I received an honorable discharge.
Note 2: The following essay is based on my experiences going through the United States Air Force’s enlisted troops’ basic training program in the year 2000, which might have changed slightly since then, but probably not by much. The details here will also differ slightly from other branch’s basic training programs, but from all the conversations I’ve had with people who went through those, I can say that they’re much worse.
The premise of my argument is that the United States military’s rules, customs, “courtesies,” and overall culture did not evolve organically. They were consciously and systematically designed using modern psychological research on mind control and are based on professional knowledge of how cults indoctrinate and control their followers’ minds. I can’t prove this argument by sourcing internal documents or training manuals, but if you compare how the United States military operates to how cults operate you’ll see that the similarities aren’t vague or coincidental; the United States military is the perfection of the cult model. If you want to start a cult you’ll have the best chance of success by copying the United States military’s rules, customs, courtesies, and overall culture as closely as possible.
It all starts with the recruiting process. All cults use deceptive recruiting methods. When they approach you on the street or draw you into their recruiting stations they promise you everything glorious in life and death you could ever want while dodging and skimming over the negative aspects of what your life will be like in their organization. They never explain in detail all the rules you’ll be subjected to or how they’ll manipulate you into basing your identity on your role in their organization. The United States military is no different. If you go into any recruiter station they’ll promise you money, benefits, travel, and glory, but they’ll never mention the U.C.M.J, and if you point out any negative aspects of the military they’ll make any excuse they can think of to dismiss your concern or glaze over it.
You’ll never get a military recruiter to admit that the United States military is a cult because they probably don’t realize it is. Cults don’t advertise themselves as cults. They don’t tell their recruits they’re joining a cult. They indoctrinate their recruits to believe that they’re joining the noblest organization in the world. Then they send their brainwashed followers out to recruit more recruits. So even if all the original, malicious leaders at the top of the cult’s pyramid-shaped authority structure die and there’s no one left alive who knows that the organization was systematically designed around manipulation techniques, the cult will still continue to function. Its brainwashed followers will run on autopilot brainwashing new recruits like a virus. There may still be leaders at the top level of the United States military who understand that their rules, customs, courtesies and overall culture are precisely cultish, but there doesn’t need to be. It is a cult, and it will continue to operate on autopilot in the absence of willful manipulation.
As a result military recruiters willingly volunteer to act like used car salesmen and wrangle poor people into joining by promising them that all their dreams will come true if they just sign a legally binding contract (something every other cult must wish they could do). What those recruiters won’t tell you is that they have a quota that they have to meet, and they get rewards for exceeding it, which is another reason the cult is able to continue to run on autopilot. Its recruiters must bring in new recruits whether they want to or not because if they don’t they’ll get in trouble, but if they do they’ll be rewarded with treasures of this world regardless of whether or not they’re true believers.
Once the military convinces the recruit to sign all their civil liberties away the recruit is taken to a hotel where they’ll be watched and kept from running away the day before they begin their indoctrination process. The recruits will be told that on the next day they’ll be taken to a training facility where they’ll learn how to be an adult and an efficient worker. But in reality, they won’t learn anything about being an adult, and they’ll learn very little about their job because that’s not the point of basic training. The point of basic training is to break down the recruits’ sense of identity and indoctrinate them to base their identity on their membership within the cult.
If the United States military has done its job right, then any prior service or active duty military member reading this will be screaming, “That’s not what basic training is about! It prepares you to follow orders because when the shit hits the fan on the battlefield you have to act without thinking in order to keep yourself and your fellow soldiers alive!”
That’s what the military tells its recruits to believe, and the argument sounds good on paper, but it ignores several very important truths. Firstly, the majority of the humans who go through the military’s indoctrination process will never see the battlefield. Millions of them will never even leave the continental United States. But they go through the same indoctrination process because the purpose of basic training isn’t to prepare you for the battlefield. Its purpose is to ensure that every recruit will always blindly serve the interests of their leaders, and the leadership hierarchy stacks up like this: Enlisted troops take orders from officers. Officers take orders from politicians, and politicians take orders from the individuals and special interest groups who fund their campaigns, give them bribes and employ them after they leave public service. Thus, military members are unwitting mercenaries for (and blind supporters of) the ultra-rich. The United States military serves the interests of the wealthy. Every major military campaign the United States military has been involved in has made the rich richer and the poor poorer. And the gears of war and profit will keep turning as long as nobody in the military ever dissents or asks questions. That’s why it’s imperative that every recruit be systematically brainwashed to associate their identity primarily with their membership in the military.
The process of reprogramming civilians begins the second they step off the bus and set foot on their basic training base. The moment they leave the bus they’re descended upon by multiple drill sergeants or training instructors. Different branches call their basic instructors by different names. Each branch also has different names for their ranks, career fields and facilities. The reason for this is because it causes members of each branch to base their identity on their respective branch. This makes it less likely for military personnel to form a coup against their corrupt political leaders.
Differentiating the branches from each other serves another purpose as well. It’s standard procedure for cults to indoctrinate their members to believe that anyone who isn’t a member of the cult is inferior. Every military member is taught that civilians are untried, unproven and take their livelihood for granted while the glorious military sacrifices everything and is better than everyone else (regardless of the fact that many military members will spend their career sitting at a desk stateside for 20 years living rent-free, receiving free medical care and driving a Ford Mustang that they paid for with their reenlistment bonus). Pitting military members against civilians is a powerful mind control technique that the military reuses by pitting military members against each other.
Airmen (aka “Zoomies”) are taught they’re smarter than Marines (aka “Jar Heads”). Marines are taught they’re tougher than soldiers (aka “Grunts”). And everyone thinks the Navy is gay. Pitting each branch against each other doesn’t cause them to go to war with each other though. It causes each branch to be even more loyal to its own chain of command, and since the entire military falls under the command of the Department of Defense, whoever controls the D.O.D benefits from this manufactured infighting.
When recruits get off the bus their first day of basic training they’re immediately set upon by a flock of “training instructors” who throw hell at them. The instructors yell at them, insult them, tear them down, threaten them and tell them they don’t deserve to be there. The purpose of this initial assault is to shock and awe the new recruits. It makes them doubt themselves as well as accept the authority of anyone wearing the cult’s symbols of rank on their shoulders. All of this primes them to be receptive to the message they’ll be inundated with over the next few weeks.
Every year billions of people around the world enter employment in jobs that are just as dangerous if not more dangerous than what the average American military recruit signs up for, but they aren’t subjected to the mental abuse American troops are subjected to on their first day, yet they still follow orders and go above and beyond the call of duty often putting themselves at unnecessary personal risk. You don’t need to assault a human’s mind to convince them to do what’s necessary. But you do need to assault their mind if you want to reprogram their identity.
The next form of mental assault that the American government submits its military recruits to is less obvious but just as important to the indoctrination process. The recruits are filed into dormitories or barracks where they’ll live in communal spaces with up to 60 other people. They’ll have absolutely no privacy or control over their environment. Everything they own will be identical to everyone else there. Everyone will dress the same and looks the same. Everyone will sleep in identical beds and keep what few possessions they’re allowed to have in identical lockers. They’ll even have to shower naked in communal showers with dozens of other recruits. All of these factors dehumanize the new recruits and help break down their sense of identity and self-worth.
The lack of privacy breaks down the recruit’s defenses. You can’t hold up your guard when you’re naked in a shower with 15 other people and sleeping in a room with 30 other people. Under those circumstan, es you’re like a vulnerable child who has no home, no identity, no safe haven, no escape, no choices and no power over your own destiny. You’re nobody. And the only source of validation you can possibly experience comes from the cult, which makes the cult your mother, your father, your boss and your god.
If this doesn’t seem sinister yet, consider that the new recruits will be held captive within the confines of their dormitory. A sentinel will stand guard at the entrance preventing anyone from leaving, and if an escapee can manage to get out of the building they’ll still be trapped on base behind tall fences lined with razor wire as well as gate guards armed with semi-automatic assault rifles. The military holds a gun to its recruits’ heads and forces them to endure the indoctrination process, which is so mentally brutal that many recruits will attempt suicide.
The military goes through such dire lengths to keep its recruits locked away from the outside world because it’s much harder to break down and reprogram someone’s identity when they have access to their old support structures and/or the freedom to live life by their own accord. So you have to isolate them from everything they’ve ever known and inundate them completely with the rules, customs, and culture of cult. When the cult is all they know… then the cult is all they know. Once the recruits spend a few weeks eating, sleeping and breathing nothing but the cult’s way of life they’ll accept that that’s how life is. And why wouldn’t they? The reality of their day to day life is whatever the cult makes it. So they go about their day to day life experiencing reality according to how the cult defines it, and in no time at all they take the cult’s way of life for granted.
Isolating new recruits from the outside world also insulates them from dissent and freedom of thought. If the recruits go out on the town every night or even worse, go home, they might tell someone about all the new things they’ve been learning. Then someone with a free mind might point out how crazy they sound and convince them to leave the cult.
Another reason cult members are forced to live in communal quarters is because humans take cues from other people’s behavior and mimic it. You’d have a very hard time taking a lone individual to an empty camp and convincing them to change their behavior. However, if you take 60 people and force them to all behave the same way they’ll assume that since everyone else is going along with it then it must be okay. Plus, once you break the minds of the weakest members they’ll take it upon themselves to enforce the rules of the group.
With the stage set, the instructors can begin actively reprogramming the minds of their recruits. The daily indoctrination process begins as soon as the recruits wake up each morning. Loudspeakers in the ceilings of the dormitories blast a trumpet tune called reveille often times accompanied by training instructors banging trash can lids and shouting at the recruits telling them to get up and quit being lazy. The recruits will have a few minutes to get dressed, make up their bed and line up in formation outside.
The brain-rattling trumpet, combined with the frantic morning chores and the instructor’s insults throws the recruits off-center from the moment they wake ensuring that they won’t have the mental focus to resist the indoctrination process. The chores and routines also ensure the recruits are following orders from the moment they wake up even if the instructor isn’t even present to tell them to get dressed, make up their beds and file outside for formation. Thus the military controls every aspect of their lives and leaves no room for individual freedom of thought or action. The more the recruits accept that as the norm the less likely they are to question it and the more likely they are to embrace it.
There are very specific rules for falling into formation. Following those rules first thing in the morning continues to reinforce blind obedience to the group without questioning the purpose of orders. Standing in the group formation where everyone looks and acts identically also helps minimize the individuality of the group members. In case the recruits don’t pick up on this idea on their own the training instructors will tell them bluntly that they’re no longer an individual. They’re a member of the group, and their own identity and desires are worth less than the identity and desires of the group. Training instructors will tell the recruits to be proud of this fact and to look down on civilians who value their individuality and selfishly desire to fulfill their own destiny.
Any active duty or prior service members reading this will likely be screaming, “But you should value being a member of the group! That creates a stronger team and keeps the group together when the shit hits the fan! Anyway, we’re proud to put our own egos aside to help protect the freedom of civilians!”
Those criticisms aren’t wrong, but there’s more going on than just that. First, there’s the fact that the military isn’t upfront about the invasive methods of mind control it submits its troops to, and that’s unethical. Also, reprogramming recruits sense of identity eliminates their freedom to determine their own destiny. It makes mental slaves out of recruits who are so zealous that they’ll defend their own manipulation. This reprogramming controls all aspects of the brainwashed victim’s life, not just how they perform their job. Plus, reprogramming individuals essentially kills the person they once were and creates a new person. Once the old person is dead they can never come back to life as the person they once were. Doing that to another human being is no small matter, and no human has the authority and right to kidnap another person’s soul. Finally, it’s worth noting that everyone in the world will participate as a functional member of a team on an almost daily basis without being brainwashed. Sports teams are high functioning teams that coordinate plays selflessly without going through a brutal indoctrination process. Even civilian contractors in the military play by the rules and make sacrifices in war zones without going through basic training.
Once the recruits are lined up in their morning formation they sing their branch’s official song and chant an oath of allegiance to the military and the United States. This is cut and dry, unambiguous brainwashing 101.
After having sworn their daily oath of allegiance the troops eat breakfast, and even then they don’t get a moment to themselves. They have to file through the cafeteria silently standing heel to toe, staring straight ahead while instructors hover over them to punish anyone who breaks these arbitrary rules. When the recruits finally get their food they’ll be given as little time as possible to eat to ensure they can’t relax and mentally collect themselves.
After the meal they’ll take part in physical exercises and marching drills. They’ll perform their exercises and marching drills as a group, everyone acting in unison further conditioning them to base their identity on the group. Every member of the group will be punished whenever any individual fails to follow the arbitrary rules perfectly. This encourages the recruits to police each other. The more the recruits enforce the military’s rules on each other the more they take the military’s rules and authority for granted.
The military doesn’t leave this powerful mind control technique to chance. The instructors will assign recruits as element leaders. The element leaders will receive an arbitrary symbol of authority (a colored rope that attaches to the lapel of their uniform), and they’ll be tasked with policing their group. When the military leadership bestows authority on individuals it teaches every member of the group that the military has the authority to bestow authority on individuals and raise their value as a human being. Once the recruits take this for granted they will always respect higher ranking military members as if God Himself touched their leaders with His grace. Finally, it dangles a carrot in front of the recruits. They’re taught in basic training that their life is worthless outside of the military hierarchy and that elevation within the cult is the true path to elevation as a person. The use of “ropes” or element leaders sets this precedent from day one.
This is also why recruits are called “trainees” instead of Airmen, soldiers, seamen or Marines. They have to prove themselves worthy first before being granted a title in the illustrious group. Every cult in the world does this. The military just hides this brainwashing technique in plain sight.
At some point during the day, between eating, exercising and marching the recruits will be taken to classrooms where they’ll receive hundreds of hours of lectures on military history, rules, and customs. The point of teaching military history is to train the recruits to accept the military’s history as their own history. Once they come to base their identity on hundreds of years of history they’ve just learned they’ll always view themselves as a member of that distinct group.
If any troop ever complains about life in the military they’ll be told, “You knew what you were getting into before you signed up.” But the hundreds of hours of class time they’ll spend in basic training betray this lie. You won’t learn all the details of what you signed up for until you take these classes.
Those classes teach all the unique symbols, language, rules, customs and beliefs that make up the overall military culture. On the surface most of them are innocuous, but it’s standard operating procedure for cults to manufacture their own internal culture based on shared symbols, terminology, rules, and customs because you need to give the recruits a culture to latch onto and derive their new identity from. The whole point of giving recruits a new culture and a new identity is to tie it all into the group’s pyramid-shaped leadership hierarchy. All the other details are red herrings, but once you accept them you’ll accept your place in the leadership hierarchy that comes along with it. From then on you’ll always respect and obey any human being who wears the arbitrary symbols that represent authority within the cult.
After class, the recruits are filed back into their dormitories where they’ll spend the rest of their night cleaning their rooms, organizing their lockers, folding their clothes, and arranging their belongings to precise requirements. The purpose of these chores is to simply get the recruits used to obeying arbitrary rules. If you can get them to perform mundane tasks without question you can get them to perform any task without question.
It also gives the instructors more reasons to berate the recruits and tear down their sense of self-worth, and just as importantly, to reward the recruits for demonstrating obedience. In a stressful, totalitarian environment a simple bar of candy or a phone call home is worth a million dollars. Recruits will love their captors when given these small token rewards.
Throughout the whole indoctrination process, the instructors will find any reason in the world to make the recruits doubt their worth as a person and as a member of the group. As they tear down the recruits they’ll slowly build them back up with praise and rewards. Then, just as the recruits are beginning to feel good about themselves the instructor will find any excuse to tear them back down again. If the recruits are doing everything right the instructor will simply lie and tell them they’re all failing at their duties. This emotional roller coaster keeps the recruits doubting their worth, makes them yearn to win the approval of their captors and makes them feel more proud when they receive any sign of affection or validation. It’s a way to systematically induce Stockholm Syndrome.
By the end of basic training, the effects of the reprogramming techniques will have taken root in the trainee’s minds. They’ll sing their branch song with pride, gush when they see an officer and perform every task asked of them with gusto. In the end, they’ll take part in a lavish ceremony where they’ll receive the mark of the in-group and will be congratulated on their elevation to true worth as a member of the group cementing the effects of the indoctrination process.
After reading all this you may still hold firm that military basic training teaches discipline and trains recruits to act without hesitation as a member of a goal-oriented team. As true as that may be, and as useful as that may be, it’s still not the whole truth. The fact of the matter remains that the training methods used in basic training are the exact same methods used by cults, and they have the exact same results. They rob recruits of their identity and replace it with a willing mental slave drunk on loyalty to the in-group. The training methods used on military recruits are considered unethical and even illegal to do anyone else, and they’re so invasive and brutal that they cause the recruits extreme mental anguish in the process to the point that many even attempt to commit suicide.
I have never seen evidence to support the claim that is absolutely necessary to submit human beings to this form of unethical treatment in order to create a smoothly functioning organization. Even if it were, we still have to ask ourselves if the cost is worth it, especially since it contradicts the entire reason the military supposedly exists: to protect the freedom and dignity of the citizens of the United States.
Every American civilian and soldier who has blind faith in the moral, cultural and political supremacy of the United States of America must not be aware of the atrocities the American government has committed in the past 70 years alone. Below is a list of major crimes against humanity that America has committed that we know about. These aren’t isolated incidents or accidents. They’re the product of systemic flaws in the American system. The call to action they raise isn’t to overthrow the government. They’re simply pointing out that America needs major change that its electoral system can’t and won’t provide. Until major changes happen, it would be naive to condone jubilant patriotism in the American system.
2015- The wealthiest 1% of the American population own more wealth than the other 99% combined.
2015– America has officially killed about 1,000 civilians (of which 200 were children) using drone strikes.
2015– Led by America, politicians from several nations signed a secret bill into law that gives corporations unprecedented legal power to manipulate market prices and sidestep laws that stand in the way of corporate profit.
2015– America armed ISIS, who uses those weapons to commit crimes against humanity. This also gives the American industrial war complex justification to escalate war spending in the Middle East.
2014– The Affordable Care Act (AKA Obamacare) forced every American citizen to buy health insurance that has such high deductibles it’s basically useless. Anyone who can’t or won’t pay is fined.
2014– The CIA released a report detailing torture at the U.S. military base, Guantanamo Bay, which is located in Cuba so that it falls outside the jurisdiction of U.S. law.
2013– Edward Snowden leaked classified documents that revealed America is secretly spying on its own citizens. The government labeled him a traitor instead of a whistle blower. Now Edward Snowden hides from American “justice” in Russia.
2013– Bradley Manning (now Cheslea Manning) leaked classified documents revealing America was committing war crimes in Iraq. The government labeled him a traitor instead of a whistle blower and locked him in solitary confinement.
2011– Congress attempted to pass the “Stop Online Pirating Act” but failed to pass the bill after widespread public outcry. The bill would have allowed large corporations to control which websites the public has access to.
2011– Thousands of protesters camp in the financial districts of major cities across America to protest how the wealthiest 1% of the population controls the government through lobbying and campaign financing. The police in each city brutally crushed the protests.
2010– President Obama signed the Dodd-Frank Act into law, which was supposed to limit unethical behavior by banks, but lobbyists influenced the wording of the bill to be essentially useless.
2010– The Supreme Court decided that funding politicians’ campaigns is protected as free speech, guaranteeing wealthy corporations have a legally protected avenue to bribe politicians.
2008– The U.S. Air Force killed 90 civilians in an airstrike in Azizabad, Afghanistan
2008– Banks that went bankrupt from committing fraud and other risky practices were bailed out by the government, and the banks executives received lavish bonuses.
2008– America officially has the largest prison population in the world, officially making it Orwellian to call America, “the land of the free.”
1991-2003 Saddam Hussein invaded Kuwait. At the request of the Kuwaiti government, the American military defeated the Iraqi military, but president George Bush Sr. left Saddam in power though because his administration knew that removing him would create a power vacuum that would destabilize the Middle East. In 2003 President George Bush Jr. invaded Iraq again and removed Saddam from power under the pretense that Saddam’s military possessed weapons of mass destruction that posed an imminent threat to America. This destabilized the Middle East, and over 100,000 people have died from the sectarian violence that followed. It later came to light that America new Saddam didn’t have any weapons of mass destruction, and the Bush administration knowingly lied about their justifications to go to war.
2001– Congress signed the Patriot Act into law, which eliminated the American public’s right to privacy and gave the government broad powers to label anyone terrorists.
2001– Congress passed the “No Child Left Behind Act,” which reduced public education to an endless series of rote tests and sold out the education system to private testing companies.
1997– Corrections Corps of America, a private prison company, went public and sells its stock on the stock market. Since then it has spent millions of dollars lobbying congress to keep drug laws tough in order to keep its prisons full.
1994– President Bill Clinton signed the North American Free Trade Agreement into law, which was originally created by his predecessor, George Bush Sr. NAFTA allows American corporations to build sweatshops in South America that don’t have to follow strict environmental laws.
1988– America sold chemical weapons to Iraq that it knew would be used against Iran.
1986– The CIA attempted to overthrow the Nicaraguan government and sold weapons to Iran to raise money to covertly fund Nicaraguan rebels.
1980– The USA helped overthrow the Turkish government.
1973– President Nixon personally oversaw the overthrow of the Chilean government.
1932-1972– The U.S. Public Health Service studied African Americans with syphilis and denied them effective treatments to further study the progression of the disease.
1971– The British military removed all the inhabitants of the island of Diego Garcia and gave the island to America to use as a military base, which is still operational.
1970– The U.S. National Guard shot thirteen student protesters at Kent State University in Ohio.
1964– The U.S. Navy created a false flag attack on one of their ships on the Gulf of Tonkin to justify going to war with Vietnam.
1962– The DoD considered false flag attacks on American citizens to create support to invade Cuba.
1961– The CIA attempted to overthrow the Cuban government, which wasn’t democratically elected; it was created after local freedom fighters ousted the puppet government run by America.
1960’s– The DoD sprayed multiple U.S. Navy ships with various chemical and biological agents to test their effect on the sailors.
1960– The USA helped overthrow the democratically elected government in the Congo
1954– The CIA overthrew the democratically elected government in Guatemala
1953– The CIA tested LSD and other drugs on unsuspecting civilians
1953– The U.S. Army tested biological and chemical weapons on its own troops.
1953– The CIA overthrew the democratically elected government in Iran.
1951– The U.S. Army colluded with private chemical companies to perform medical experiments on American prisoners.
1951– America created the Uniform Code of Military Justice, which exempts military personnel from being protected by the Universal Declaration of Human Rights.
1950– The U.S. Navy sprayed bacteria over San Francisco to determine its viability as a biological weapon.
1948– America and its allies backed the creation of the country of Israel, which killed or displaced 700,000 Palestinians in its first year of existence. Since then, with America’s protection, Israel has killed and displaced millions more. Those who remain in their homeland live in concentration camp-like conditions.
1945– America firebombed and nuked Japan killing over 200,000 civilians.
1898– America sent warships to the island of Oahu, Hawaii. The Navy arrested the Queen of Hawaii and forced her to annex the Hawaiian islands to America.
The Wise Sloth 