Tag Archives: deep thoughts

Deep Tweets by The Wise Sloth #4

When you’re learning a skill, don’t worry about failing. Just worry about not quitting.

Typically, you can’t be drunk and working towards self-actualization at the same time.

The less sober you are, the less focused on fulfilling the meaning of your life you are.

If you’re thinking of quirky ways to offer your employees conditional bonuses, it’s probably because you don’t pay them what they deserve.

The longer we debate/compare Capitalism, Socialism and Communism, the less time we spend designing a new system tailored to today’s needs.

A day you don’t teach yourself knowledge that helps you achieve your ultimate goal, is a day wasted.

The more someone hates you, the more likely you and them are both partially right.

The more you believe that only the natives in your country deserve to live and work there, the less you believe all humans are one family.

The more you shit test your lover, bitch at them and tear them down, the more threatened you should feel by sex robots. #theredpill

Every time you watch dumb TV shows or listen to dumb music, you vote for the world being dumb. Ultimately, that’s a vote for extinction.

The more you hate a group of people, the more you should question the motives of the people who warned you about that group… regardless.

The office building you dream about paradise from used to be paradise before an office building was built on it.

The more passionately you defend your beliefs, the more passionately you should question your beliefs.

The more you believe your culture should be imposed on the entire world, the more likely you’re a gullible follower in a terroristic cult.

The more you try to make your lover feel guilty, the more you fail at being a good lover.

If you didn’t compliment your lover today, you failed at being a good lover today.

If you didn’t tell your lover how much you value them today, you failed at being a good lover today.

The more you believe God ordained that your culture should be practiced on the land you were born on, the more gullible you probably are.

The more you believe that people who aren’t exactly like you are the root of your country’s problems, the more gullible you probably are.

The more you devote your life to policing other people’s sex lives, the less you devote your life to policing deadly human rights abuses.

I’m not saying, “Don’t challenge other people’s beliefs,” but you’d improve the world more by challenging your own beliefs.

The more you believe victimless crimes should be policed by the government, the less you believe in freedom.

In January 2017, Texas made it illegal to have a 3rd break light out. If this was for safety, all vehicles would be required to have them.

“Socialism = employee ownership of businesses with profit sharing

Socialism does not = nationalizing businesses to create a welfare state”

If you haven’t sold everything you own and given it all to the poor, don’t tell me you’re a Christian.

If the politicians and the media didn’t divide America into “left” and “right,” nobody else would.

I predict that by 2020, the price of literally everything you buy will include a “service charge” and/or “processing fee.”

If you argue that anyone who is anti-Trump is anti-America, then you must argue that anyone who is anti-Obama is anti-America. #trump

It’s cool that the poor live better than ever before, but getting hung up on that fact ignores that they still live in perpetual fear.


 

Your employees might have more pride in your company if you gave them paychecks they can feel proud of.

CNN being an embarrassment of a news outlet doesn’t change the fact that Donald Trump is an embarrassment of a president. #cnnblackmail

Don’t expect people you’re not nice to, to be nice to you.

Every American who hates immigrants, doesn’t tell the waiter at their favorite authentic Asian and Mexican food restaurants about it.

The Hollywood movie plot outline structure 

Charisma is a virtue, but the more intoxicatingly charismatic your leader is, the more likely they’re a sociopath and you’re gullible.

The more involved with a religious organization you are, the more useful it will be to you to study the red flags of cults and mythology.

Life won’t get better for the majority until sharing is more mainstream than greed.

You have more to gain by disproving your argument than by disproving your enemy’s.

Science is just theories, but religion is just mythology.

Religious people are like alcoholics. They can be functioning but not fully functioning.

If you’ve never Googled, “how to think objectively, reasonably and/or logically,” the evidence says you should assume you can’t…but should

TV shows with commercials are tantamount to commercials for commercials.

If you have to worry about your government taking away your access to health care, patriotism might be more suicidal than virtuous.

How much longer can we pretend Donald Trump is a real president? And by “we,” I mean, “Donald Trump.”

Stories are like Celtic knots. You can make good ones without planning, but there’s a limit to the elegance you can achieve. #writing

If you find yourself reluctantly admitting you were wrong about Trump being great, consider you were wrong about G. W. Bush being great also

Tales from The Wise Sloth: My UFO story 

Justifying hurting people is always justifying being one of the bad guys.

The more you think you know, the less it proves you do.

Nobody would know technology is tearing us apart, if technology hadn’t connected us.

The more famous you become, the less accurately you’ll be remembered.

You can overcome the punches the world throws at you. When you beat yourself up, you don’t have a fighting chance.

It’s surprising how many times you can have an excuse that sounds perfect on paper but doesn’t really apply or mean shit in reality.

Just because you took a class in college doesn’t mean you know shit about shit.

High schools really need to teach classes on defining and maintaing your self-worth.

I predict in 2020 Elizabeth Warren will beat Paul Ryan to be the U.S. president. Then she’ll change America about as much as Obama did.

Whoever told you not to ask questions and be skeptical probably also told you to give them money.

I’m ready for politicians to declare war on bills.

Any story of God coming to Earth in human form that involves God making booze for a party was probably written solely by humans.

If God is all-powerful and wants to forgive us, he never needed to sacrifice himself to himself before he could allow himself to forgive us.

It’s not mature to learn how to follow orders if you’re taught to obey psychopathic , sociopathic, greedy, megalomaniac, idiot leaders.

You’ll never be able to live in your dream home because you spent it building the dream homes of your favorite businesses’ owners.

Why hasn’t Hollywood made a TV series about a redneck MacGuyver yet? Emphasis on the word, “yet.”

It’s only a matter of time until we see a movie about Google inventing an artificial intelligence based on the internet’s hive mind.

Think about about how “successfully” L. Ron Hubbard invented his own religious cult. Then imagine what Alex Jones could accomplish.

Watching/waiting for politicians to do something right is slower and more exhausting than watching software installation progress bars. Sad.

When politicians tell you someone is coming to kill your family, it’s to distract you from noticing someone who is coming to take your money

You can’t come up with good ideas without coming up with bad ideas in the process.

Thinking about good things generally makes you feel good. Thinking about bad things generally makes you feel bad.

When I watched “Cool as Ice” at a drive-in movie theater, I didn’t know how old saying that would make me sound some day.

If you’ve ever heard of the town, Paris, TX and wonder what it’s like, I can tell you from experience, it’s the red neck Twilight Zone.

Invent a game like “Magic: The Gathering,” except instead of battling monsters, you do/learn what it takes to succeed in relationships.

If we need soldiers to be able to get dishonorable discharges, it must be more important for politicians to be subject to the same standard.

Don’t die without having told as many people as possible the most important knowledge you learned in your life.

Whenever someone says you have to give them a yes or no answer right now, say no.

 

It’s amazing how bad of a person you can be when you convince yourself you’re a ideal person.

Everyone is: 1.Insane 2. A child 3. So lost they don’t know how lost they are. When you understand that, dealing with people gets easier

If you’re not reading or listening to new knowledge daily, then don’t expect yourself to become much less idiotic.

The angrier you behave on the internet, the more you need to talk to a therapist about your past traumas.

FYI: Just because you had a child doesn’t mean you’re an adult.

It shouldn’t surprise you that Billionaires make bad presidents. All their professional experience revolves around exploiting the public.

Just once I’d like a politician to declare war on bullshit charges in bills like “processing fees,” “service fees,” etc.

I wish every page, video, picture and audio file on the internet had a button on it that lets you rank its quality and usefulness.

In a perfect world we would have instructional classes in school on dating, sex and masturbation.

Unless your goal is throwing away allies, you’re not winning anything by being mean to strangers.

The meaner your leadership philosophy is, the more you’re going to inspire your team to hate you and want you to fail.

In a perfect economy there would be no middle men.

People who don’t want to fuck you don’t go out of their way to talk to you.

Companies tell you their product is happiness, but they know what they’re really selling you is poverty.

My theory on why so many women have rape fantasies

I would have watched “Care Bears” when I was a kid if one of them was named “Jean Claude Van Damme Heart.”

Most meth users I’ve met aren’t idle. They work at jobs that almost require meth to make it through an exhausting, soul crushing work day

What I think about Satan 

Instead of staffing government mostly with lawyers , we should staff it mostly with computer programmers. Couldn’t be any worse.

If you believe in superstition, it shows you don’t think. Also, the belief that cuss words are evil is superstitious.

America is like a rice cake covered with Nutella, sweet and unfilling.

When I was taught how to eat a fancy dinner with redundant silverware, I thought, “Man, rich people have so few problems they create them.”

Don’t give parents tax breaks. Pay them through the DOE so they can be held accountable like teachers for their kids’ academic failures.

They tell you to go to college to learn. They don’t tell you half your professors will just teach you their shitty life story.

Poverty will always be epidemic as long as the rich make the rules.

Deep Tweets by The Wise Sloth: #1#2#3

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Tweets by The Wise Sloth

I haven’t been posting much lately because I’ve been spending 5-10 hours per day working on a book about how to write film scripts using formula plot templates. I still have at least 100 hours of work left on that before I finish it. So it may be another month before I have time to write any blogs. I wanted to post something though. So I exported, cleaned up and pasted all my original tweets from my Twitter feed, which you can subscribe to here: https://twitter.com/the_wise_sloth. I hope it brings you minutes of enjoyment. I’ll be updating my blog as soon as I can, but I promise the book I’m writing will be worth the wait.

the wise sloth

  • If you pay your employees 1/10 of the profit they earn your company per hour, don’t be surprised if they give 1/10 a fuck about your company.
  • A good guy wouldn’t destroy someone’s life because they own a plant, but any cop would.
  • A good guy wouldn’t take all of a poor person’s money because they don’t have a sticker on their car, but any cop would.
  • If it’s important to drug test the janitors on Capitol Hill, it’s important to drug test the people who vote on declarations of war.
  • The only person in the American military who isn’t required to take drug tests is the commander in chief. #OfAllPeople #RoomForOneMore
  • Congress should be held to at least the same standard of testing, tracking and consequences as testing companies hold preteen students to.
  • Lifelong political positions discriminate against young voters by locking in their parents’ generations’ representation in government.
  • If it’s vital that the president be limited to 2 terms, wouldn’t the same reasons apply to every elected position?
  • Some people really like Joe Biden. Other people really like having the most qualified citizens in the highest offices of government.
  • The president picking a vice president is like an ugly girl picking which fat friend she brings to the club to make her look better.
  • Adulting consists mainly of fulfilling contrived responsibilities that exist only because governments, bosses and bankers are exploiting us.
  • Patting yourself on the back is like shaking your dick after peeing. If you do it more than twice, you’re jerking off.
  • If you’re not making time to do the things you love, the reason it feels like you’re not really living is because you haven’t started.
  • When anyone starts jerking themselves off about how smart they are to you, stop them and say, “Hey, we all got supercomputers in our heads.”
  • Everyone knows more about something than anyone else. Nobody knows squat about everything. Our minds are as unique as our faces.
  • Getting defensive and arguing every time someone tries to correct you or give you advice won’t get you as far in life as you seem to think.
  • Rabbits are basically genitals with a digestive system.
  • Those who hold tightest to their beliefs, improve them the least.
  • Your kids will freak out over the same size problems as you, to the same extent as you. Don’t show them how to be a spoiled, whiny bitch.
  • Everyone holds factually inaccurate beliefs. Only those who question their beliefs get to find out which ones are wrong.
  • Would an all-loving God create an eternal paradise for dead bunnies to perpetually eat, poop & hump? Or would there be no reason to bother?
  • The bigger a movement gets, the more idiots join, until the idiots are the majority and have enough power in numbers to define the movement.
  • The 40 hour work week is cripples children, and thus our future, by not giving parents enough time to raise their kids properly.
  • At some point you have to stop bitching about the hand you were dealt and get on with playing the game the best you can with what you got.
  • Voting in America’s 2016 presidential election is tantamount to voting on whether America should go to war with Iran or Mexico.
  • I’m not voting, but if I did, I’d vote for Hillary Clinton, only because I’d prefer the apocalypse she’ll bring to the one Trump would bring.
  • Rent is a system that allows poor people to pay rich people’s mortgages.
  • Debt hurts more Americans than drugs and terrorism combined. If there were a war on debt, the American government would fight on debt’s side.
  • Most major professional organizations have a code of ethics based on safety & respect that didn’t come from religion #EthicsWithoutReligion
  • The 2016 American presidential election isn’t a choice between the lesser of two evils. It’s a choice between two different flavors of evil.
  • You can spend today fretting about what was or is… or you can spend today creating what will be.
  • Everyone can use some extra help from God, but people who think, study and work hard need it much less, if any.
  • Wishful thinking = having faith everything will magically turn out okay. Strength = having faith you can make everything turn out okay.
  • Reading motivational books without reading problem solving books is like putting fuel in your car without knowing how/where/why to drive.
  • Solving your problems takes motivation to enact a solution, but first you need to use problem solving skills to find the solution.
  • Grey Hound charges an $18 “gift fee” if you buy someone a ticket. In other words, they extort you for helping a loved one in need. #greed
  • If the right to vote, work, love, own a gun or live on your own terms can be taken away then they’re not rights. They’re privileges at best.
  • Imagine if social justice warriors put as much effort into fighting hunger, homelessness and slavery as they do sheltering their feelings.
  • If you want your man to do/not do something, bitching at him will get you the bare minimum. A blow job will get you 110%. #LifeHack #Karma
  • If you’re going to spend the next hour or so feeling depressed about how empty and hopeless everything is, do it while exercising. #LifeHack
  • If a God gave us free will, it probably wasn’t with the expectation that we use it to sit around begging God to do everything for us.
  • It’s like anything else… You don’t pray to God to fix your computer. You call a computer tech.
  • God answered all your prayers by giving you a brain to solve your problems with and the hands and feet to implement the solutions.
  • All things are possible to those who turn off the TV, get up off their ass, go do something and never quit.
  • By all means, complain when life sucks, but complain while you’re doing something about it.
  • When things are good, tell yourself they’re good. When things are bad, tell yourself good things are possible.
  • 90% of the time I log into Twitter it says the log in is suspicious & E-mails me a verification code to enter. #NotHelping #IsItJustMe #FWP
  • If your government can withhold or revoke it, then it’s a privilege, not a right.
  • The quality and quantity of art produced by a nation increases with the quality and quantity of drugs available to its artists.
  • Healthy habits aren’t a burden. They’re an opportunity.
  • If America can’t progress because the RNC & DNC can’t work together then the solution is to end the RNC & DNC.
  • A phobia is an irrational fear that negatively affects your life. That’s insanity. Before picking a religion, vet it for irrational fears.
  • We all break most of the rules of most religions constantly. Singling out one taboo and crusading against it is spiritually futile.
  • It’s going to be a big moment in women’s history when Hillary Clinton is the first woman to steal an American presidential election.
  • You can’t become the leader of a democracy by rigging an election, because then it’s not a democracy.
  • You can measure how horrible of a person you are by how small an inconvenience it takes to make you mean.
  • We’re born with potential, not talent. Abnormally high talent comes only from abnormally frequent, persistent study and practice.
  • Renters are as good as indentured servants to their land lords.
  • When a business owner takes home more $ than all the employees who operate the business, that’s slavery.
  • America would feel more like the land of the free if you didn’t get yelled at and punished for not mowing your lawn.
  • It’s not sedition if a politician acts against the will & interest of the people. It is if a person complains about corruption too much.
  • As long as prices are set by supply & demand, the most important things will be the most unaffordable.
  • Businesses call their employees “partners” because they wouldn’t be as proud if their name tag said “wage slave.”
  • Police have unmarked cars so… you can’t spot them coming to serve and protect you?
  • I’d vote for a politician whose goal while in office is to make presidential nominees great again.
  • The higher your hourly wage is than your employees’ or clients’ daily wage, the more you’re responsible for income inequality.
  • 50% of America’s children live in poverty. How many more need to before our political parties are fired?
  • RNC & DNC’s job is to pick the best presidential candidates, and they pick the 2 most egotistical, unethical, divisive celebs. #youhadonejob
  • Fastest way to reduce the number of police shootings: Reduce the number of pointless victimless crimes cops have to engage people over.
  • How to solve all the crises in the Middle East: Every country pays into a fund to turn the Middle East into the world’s largest farm.
  • Austerity creates religions. Luxury kills them. If you’re comfy and happy, you don’t need anyone to sell you hope.
  • Neither Donald Trump or HIllary Clinton can make America great again. Only the American people can do that.
  • Everyone should be eligible to apply for any government position. Why pay for something you’re not allowed to use?
  • There should only be one thing you have to do to become a presidential candidate: Pass the hardest government test MIT can come up with.
  • In 2016 Americans are voting for which apocalypse they want. Your vote is a gun in your mouth. Protest by not voting. Don’t pull the trigger
  • How about the people pick presidential primary candidates, instead of the RNC & DNC, because they fucking suck at it.
  • The government picked the two most polar opposite yet equally vile people for Americans to pick between for president, like they want riots.
  • The way you make your children feel when they’re young is pretty much how they’ll feel when they’re old.
  • Friendly mechanics are psychopaths. They smile at you as they extort you in your time of need so they can have a more luxurious retirement.
  • The more dogmatically you label yourself the good guy and someone else the bad guy, the more capable of evil you become.
  • Donald Trump buys politicians, and Hillary Clinton sells her political power. Together they represent what’s wrong with campaign financing.
  • If your loved ones never call out your flaws, they’re either too horrible to want to help you, or they know you’re too horrible to listen.
  • Don’t ask why some people have so much figured out. Ask yourself what you’ve been doing that’s more important than getting life figured out.
  • Why is wine the only beverage humans have invented snobby rules about how you’re supposed to consume it?
  • God doesn’t give you strength. You give yourself permission to be strong (but deny yourself credit) by convincing yourself God did it.
  • With great power comes great accountability… unless you’re running for president of the United States. That comes with great immunity.
  • Is Hillary Clinton fit to serve in the military, much less lead it? I doubt anyone who’s had a top security clearance (like me) believes so.
  • The FBI found Hillary Clinton guilty of misconduct but cleared her of wrongdoing. This proves the government is ramrodding her into POTUS.
  • Breaking rules a soldier would get an Article 15, demotion and loss of security clearance for disqualifies you from being commander in chief.
  • When the country with the largest prison population celebrates its freedoms, it’s celebrating a delusion.
  • America’s police celebrate America’s freedoms every July 4th by giving tickets to citizens for drinking and using fireworks too liberally.
  • The NSA wished Americans a happy Independence Day yesterday on Twitter. No need to tell them what you wished for. They already know.
  • It defeats the purpose of having a system if the system makes everyone too busy/poor to exercise, eat healthy or have a secure retirement.
  • July 4th is the day Americans are supposed to take time to appreciate their freedoms… even if they’re not free to take that time off work.
  • Democracy is broken in America when the people have to pick between two presidential candidates nobody would have picked to be candidates.
  • I bet Chinese kids who make fireworks look down on American kids, who can’t be trusted to use the fireworks they made, without supervision.
  • Refusing to question rules/orders doesn’t make you morally strong/pure but intellectually weak/lazy.
  • When someone tells you to respect authority, they’re really telling you to embrace subjugation.
  • You don’t hear maggots at the bottom of trash bags asking why life isn’t fair. Well, we’re maggots at the bottom of a cosmic trash bag.
  • Health insurance protects you from extortion if you get sick by extorting you if you stay healthy.
  • If you earn minimum wage, plan to work at least 5 months per year to save towards your landlord’s retirement.
  • If you earn minimum wage, plan to spends 3 months per year working and saving towards your car mechanic’s retirement.
  • It doesn’t prove easy access to guns keeps us safer when a gun bought from Wal-Mart is used to stop a shooter who bought a gun at Wal-Mart.
  • The British defeated the Maoris by selling them guns, which they slaughtered each other with. Corporations did the same thing to Americans.
  • Putting money in a church offering plate doesn’t show God how much you care. It just shows men in expensive clothes how gullible you are.
  • Putting money in a church offering plate doesn’t grease God’s palms, just the clergy’s.
  • Every 4 years the world should donate their Olympic budgets to building a free mega school instead of investing it in sweat and fraud.
  • When the cheapest rent you can find costs at least two weeks of your wages, your politicians aren’t doing their jobs.
  • You can’t become a pro until you’ve made all the rookie mistakes.
  • If you think about the solutions to your problems more than the causes, you’re going to have a better time.
  • In order to stay limber you have to move limber.
  • If you pay rent, you’re effectively an indentured servant to your landlord.
  • If Bernie Sanders can beat Hillary Clinton in the popular vote and still lose, you’d be foolish to think Donald Trump’s polls matter either.
  • The question you should be asking isn’t, “Why are immigrants being let in my country?” but “Why isn’t everyone allowed to go everywhere?”
  • The world’s problems have many seeds, but most of them wouldn’t have grown into banyan trees without being watered thoroughly with poverty.
  • Hospitals give patients bills inflated with insanely high bullshit charges and are surprised when so few customers just don’t pay. #fuckyou2
  • The police are doing a pretty good job at protecting me from illegal robbery. They’re doing a terrible job protecting me from legal robbery.
  • If the US government ever actually makes guns illegal, it won’t be to control gun advocates. It will be to bait them into a civil war.
  • We can accept you being fat, but no amount of social justice awareness can convince your organs to.
  • Any government that selects Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump as its two favorite people has it priorities hopelessly screwed up.
  • Money has no inherent value. Billionaires devote their time to exploiting people, robbing them of their time, to horde the illusion of value
  • They say capitalism isn’t perfect, but it’s the best we’ve got. So I guess we need to replace it with something that’s never been done.
  • If you hate the Quran for saying it’s okay to kill non-Muslims, then you should hate the Torah for saying it’s okay to kill non-Jews.
  • Everyone deserves respect, but the fat acceptance movement is morally equivalent to a smoker’s acceptance movement.
  • If you charge people who drive a $3,000 car, $3,000 for an hour of work. You’re why they’re struggling to survive and can’t have nice things
  • Slaves pick the vegetables you would buy at the grocery store if they weren’t too expensive. That’s how capitalism works.
  • It sucks that whenever there’s a mass shooting, one of the first questions it raises is, “What freedoms will we lose now?”
  • Most Wal Mart workers barely make enough $ to survive. The owners have as much $ as a small country. That’s how trickle down economics works.
  • Knowledge is memorizing a road map of Europe. Wisdom is being able to find the easiest route to Amsterdam.
  • A wise man asks himself what the most important questions are, and then tries to solve them.
  • A man is knowledgeable if he can recite the answers to many questions, but he is a fool if he can’t answer the most important questions.
  • If you find yourself celebrating the deaths of innocent civilians, it’s time to consider you might be one of the bad guys.
  • Uncle Sam lets us to vote on which hand he punches us in the dick with. If we don’t vote, we can’t complain when the decision is made for us
  • You need to forgive yourself, not convince yourself that God has.
  • Personal organizer/planning books and motivational speakers exist to help you manage and cope with your slavery.
  • Obamacare solves the problem of unaffordable healthcare by selling unaffordable insurance that doesn’t cover the cost of healthcare.
  • Americans don’t pick who runs for president, and delegates pick who wins. We don’t choose our presidents. They’re forced on us.
  • “The NRA advocates mutually assured destruction as the best way to guarantee our safety. Their motto should be “Salvation through fear.”
  • Sticking to a decision requires a reason, not will power.
  • American politicians who are against election fraud should be against super delegates, whose sole purpose is to rig elections.
  • Capitalism posits that we can achieve the greatest good by competing with each other for survival instead of cooperating.
  • The less you aspire to learn, the less you will become.
  • Americans don’t suffer and die because there aren’t enough rules, but because there are too many.
  • There are more jobs that don’t pay a living wage than there are that do. That’s now how an economy is supposed to work.
  • When that which is good for the economy isn’t good for the workers, you’ve got the wrong kind of economy.
  • Muhammad Ali punched people in the face for a living. He distracted us from our real problems, which have gotten worse while we zoned out.
  • If Palestinians were gorillas, America would be sending its children to save them.
  • You wouldn’t be arguing if your opponent were willing to listen.Arguing is just a test to see who’ll shout loudest and who’ll give up first.
  • Everyone is smarter than the average person about at least one thing.
  • The more people you correct on chat forums and message boards, the more likely you’re just an arrogant idiot.
  • Memorial Day is the perfect day to ask why America has more prisoners than any other country.
  • Big businesses have more to be thankful for on Memorial day than the average wage slave worker.
  • Today we remember all the striking workers shot by the National Guard and civilians shot by police. Or not.
  • Money should be a luxury, not a necessity.
  • If you value life, then treat it with respect. Boom. Morality explained.
  • You don’t need a religious book to prove life is valuable. Humans knew that before we taught ourselves how to speak.
  • Anyone who educates themself is a hero.
  • Your favorite show is the least important thing happening in the world.
  • If you can’t vote directly on how 100% of your taxes are spent, then you don’t own your government. It owns you.
  • A country only cares about its people as much as it cares about its prisoners.
  • When wine connoisseurs talk about the do’s and don’ts of drinking wine, I think, “Man, I don’t try to tell you how you should use ketchup.”
  • The poorer you are, the more people you know who hate their jobs. The richer you are, the more people you know who take 2 hour lunch breaks.
  • Paying five year’s wages for a life saving operation is the epitome of extortion.
  • Doctors give you life via medicine and surgery then take it away via bills.
  • Strip malls are the new cotton fields.
  • I’m writing a blog attempting to define what art is. Trying to describe a meta mind-fuck is taxing my brain.
  • The Bible doesn’t say, “If you want to be perfect, oppress gays.” It says, “If you want to be perfect, give away everything you own.”
  • The bigger the ego, the smaller the mind.
  • Your tax dollars would keep you a lot safer if the government paid for all your groceries instead of putting patrol cars on every street.
  • I hope the next version of Windows comes with a feature that let’s you turn off Windows rearranging your desktop icons all the time.
  • Either the Iraq war was started by dumb people screwing up or smart people being evil. Either way, America needs a better political system.
  • I worry Disney makes all their heroes royalty because they want us to glorify rulers & believe we’re royal too, not the slaves we really are
  • I worry how much work will be left for authors when Google’s A.I. learns how to write books.
  • There’s a special place in Hell for whoever decided to charge for parking at hospitals.
  • Not being able to afford to survive is a more imminent threat to Americans than terrorism. The source of that problem is in Washington DC.
  • What you want your government to be like matters more than what your forefathers wanted their government to be like.
  • If welfare can pay more than a job, that’s not a sign we live in a welfare state. It’s a sign we live in a slave state.
  • Every time you talk about the latest dead celebrity, you distract attention and dialogue away from the world’s real problems.
  • When your government takes away your freedoms for your own good, they’re taking the position that freedom is no good.
  • Banks are too big to fail. The poor are set up to fail.
  • Every time you leave a black spot on someone else, you leave a black spot on your soul/psyche.
  • The cuter an animal is, the more likely humans are to put it in a cage.
  • The only person who really wins in an argument is the one who learns something.
  • America isn’t designed to set you up for retirement. It’s designed to set you up for bankruptcy.
  • If you have to worry about the police protecting you from yourself, you’re not free.
  • The TSA would help more people if it sold its scanners and bought farm land and paid its staff to farm and give free food to the poor.
  • Poor Americans live in greater daily fear of the threat of starvation than the threat of terrorism.
  • America tried to use a winner-take-all voting system to represent the will of a nation so diverse it’s known as “the great melting pot.”
  • You are what you eat. If you eat processes food, you will become cancerous.
  • I feel like it’s only a matter of time before Microsoft starts selling advertising space on your boot up and log in screens.
  • If you want to feel free then think of police quotas as freedom quotas.
  • You’ll be told America is the land of the free until you try to enter one of its national parks. Then you’ll be told to pay up or piss off.
  • It’s hard to get high on life when life is the suburbs.
  • America’s military will fight anyone who tries to take away Americans’ freedoms… everyone except employers. Then they back ’em.
  • Quickest way to make a Christian happy: Let them try to convert you. Quickest way to make a Christian angry: Try to convert them.
  • If you must have faith in someone, have faith in someone who questions their own ideas, not someone who threatens you for questioning them.
  • America has a drug epidemic because it has a hopelessness epidemic.
  • I have the freedom of speech and religion! Can’t wait to exercise them when bills don’t have me chained to my day job.
  • Poor Americans live with more fear than freedoms.
  • Building a $25 billion garden would solve more problems than building a $25 billion wall between America and Mexico.
  • The Earth doesn’t have enough resources to sustain an economy in which everything you consume comes in a bag and a box.
  • If you still have to go to work when you’re sick, you don’t live in the land of the free.
  • The true value of a company isn’t determined by its stock price but by the quality of life of its employees and customers.
  • 1 Timothy 6: “All who are under the yoke of slavery should consider their masters worthy of full respect.” That’s in the Bible.
  • Someone who plans to use anything you say against you in a court of law is not there to serve and protect you.
  • If your life feels like a rat race, then you don’t live in the land of the free.
  • The less alcohol you drink, the better your body will feel when you’re sober.
  • There are millions of people who have never eaten anything that didn’t come out of a bag or a box. #notmyutopia
  • Network with fools and you’ll reap with fools. Network with succeeders and you’ll reap with succeeders.
  • The more your political candidate blames the nation’s problems on a minority group, the more you should compare them to historical tyrants.
  • The more your leaders say you should be obedient to their ideology the more you should question them.
  • Suburbia is the perfection of for-profit prisons.
  • Let’s everyone (except the homeless, prisoners, soldiers, slaves, refugees, and terminally ill) celebrate another apocalypse-free year.
  • If you’re always bitching it’s because you’re always looking for things to bitch about.
  • I know a guy who had a warrant issued for his arrest for not mowing his lawn. #landofthefree
  • If you join the military, never forget that you’re fighting to defend a $7.25 minimum wage.
  • Holding other people accountable for how you feel disempowers you and burdens them.
  • If you have time to bitch about other people, you have time to do anything else that doesn’t waste your time being petty and negative.
  • Christmas is about pretending it’s about love or religion while you’re really just being a gullible consumer whore who is in denial.
  • No one but you is responsible for you throwing a tantrum.
  • Strange that Jesus supposedly came to Earth to save humanity, yet he endorsed slavery. #notmysavior
  • The more expensive of a car you drive to church the more you’re defeating the purpose.
  • I think it was Jesus who said, “If you want treasure in Heaven, then go, sell all your church’s multimedia equipment and give to the poor.”
  • There’s a direct correlation between how much a person looks at things from others’ point of view and their tendency to kindness/hurtfulness
  • How do you spot a consumer whore? By all the Star Wars merchandise they own.
  • Everyone knows something you don’t, even the greatest fool you loath.
  • Why is it that the most entitled, spoiled, bitchy customers are always either the richest or the poorest customers?
  • Friends playing on their phones around you is either a sign technology is tearing us apart or Candy Crush is just more interesting than you.
  • The slogan of every subdivision and strip mall construction company should be: “Building an unsustainable tomorrow, today.”
  • Capitalism doesn’t hate socialism and communism because they’re a threat to mankind but because they’re a threat to executives’ profits.
  • You can get your video game character to level 60 or your real self in real life to level 60. Pick one.
  • If you have time to talk about what you’re going to do, then you have time to do it.
  • Any store that sells cigarettes will gladly kill you for money.
  • It takes less time to be calm than it does to panic.
  • What if life is just God’s television?
  • TV commercials are just sales pitches from con artists.
  • Let’s hope and pray people stop believing in mythologies.
  • If your religious beliefs aren’t based on reality then you deserve to be treated like you believe in mythology.
  • I served in the U.S. Air Force from 2000-2007. Don’t thank me for my service. Americans lost freedoms on my watch.
  • All of tomorrow’s geniuses are stubborn idiots today.
  • If you want to turn a bad person good, educating them is far more effective than scaring them.
  • Most of the largest nations in the world have troops fighting in the Middle East. Isn’t that the definition of World War 3?
  • You’ve learned something everywhere you’ve been. If you don’t write it down, it’s only a matter of time until you forget.
  • I wish Hollywood would make a dating advice show starring Danny Trejo.
  • Ideas should be questioned to death, not defended to the death.
  • Let’s just eliminate university and make public high school 4 years longer. It’ll be cheaper, and we’d get a better education.
  • God isn’t cruel. The universe just doesn’t revolve around you or us.
  • Companies that are big enough to fund every congressperson’s career are too big to fail.
  • Imagine if we all loved each other as much as we love our pets.
  • Success requires energy. Does your lifestyle boost or drain your energy? There might be a correlation.
  • There is no problem that can’t be solved without being an ass hole.
  • Labor Day isn’t a celebration of freedom. It’s a distraction from the reality that we’re all wage slaves.
  • Every city in the world has opportunities that only exist there and nowhere else. Take advantage of yours.
  • Sending people to jail for using drugs is like shooting them in the face to protect them from shooting themselves in the foot.
  • The amount you are more or less stupid then anyone else is fractions of a degree.
  • Maybe the U.S.A. shouldn’t have more citizens in prison than any country in the world.
  • The Baby Boomers didn’t start the fire, but they kept it burning bright. Then my generation took the torch obediently and enthusiastically.
  • Nobody you knew yesterday is the same person today.
  • The less you stretch and use your muscles the more they’ll hurt.
  • Repetitive pains in peoples’ bodies are usually caused by their repetitive lifestyle.
  • The more you ask yourself what’s most important in life, the better you’ll understand that and live accordingly.
  • If you have a good reason to be mean to someone, it doesn’t mean you’re justified. It means you’re great at justifying being an asshole.
  • If you’re afraid of your police then you probably don’t live in the land of the free.
  • Christianity summarized:Obey God. Have faith in Him or He kills you. He loves you. Ask anything, but don’t expect a reply. Give Him money.
  • The Bible hasn’t lasted for centuries because it passes the test for truth. It lasted so long because it forbids you from questioning it.
  • If you’re going to gamble your money away, the stock market is way more exciting than lottery tickets.
  • If you meet a dragon, don’t have a fire- breathing contest with it.
  • Most car accidents happen within 10 miles of people’s home because most people can’t afford to drive more than 10 miles away from home.
  • When Americans aren’t in prison they have more than twice the space at home.
  • The question isn’t, what does it mean when someone tells you they love you. The question is, what do they mean when they say, “I love you.”
  • The better you are at making people happy, the more the world will be your oyster.
  • If life doesn’t give you excuses to be happy, you just have to do it yourself or be miserable forever.
  • When a few people are stressed and pissed, change a few things. When most people are, change the fundamentals.
  • Thinking is as important to your immediate survival as exercising. In the long run it’s more important.
  • The Bible is against homosexuality and adultery, but you will never ever hear a Christian rail against adulterers marrying. Ever.
  • The more you tell people how much smarter you are than most people, the more likely you’re just dumb and arrogant.
  • Step one of everything you will ever do is to love yourself.
  • When you drink and smoke to celebrate life you celebrate life by killing yourself and lowering your potential to make the most out of life.
  • I sometimes wonder: If God exists, did God create everything just to see some good artwork, hear some good music, have some great sex, etc.?
  • If you want your lover to live, work and love you to their fullest, then build them up constantly. If you want the opposite, tear them down.
  • Every human’s quality of life is directly proportional to the number of humans who are in a lifelong quest for truth and knowledge.
  • Your lover doesn’t listen to you when you shout at them because they’re deafened by the sound of you fucking up your relationship.
  • The more mistakes you make doing something, the more qualified you become to master that thing.
  • Cussing people out on the internet proves nothing except that you desperately need to take a conflict resolution class.
  • If you think people who aren’t like you should emigrate, you should petition your government to make emigration not damn near impossible.
  • The more you talk about movies and celebrities, the more you distract from the problems you watch movies to escape from in the first place.
  • If you believe in God and want to thank Him/Her/It for helping you in your time of need, then help someone else. Words are just lip service.
  • Nobody replies to your Facebook posts asking who your real friends are because they unfollowed you for posting dumb shit all the time.
  • Ignorance of sex is more dangerous than sex.
  • Believing in things there is no evidence for doesn’t make you open minded. It makes you gullible.
  • Ask your Christian friends to explain Leviticus 19: 20-22 to you.
  • If God is everything, then God is experiencing what we are. Think about that next time you’re mean to someone.
  • Life’s tough. Life’s tougher when you get furious over semantics.
  • The more paranoid your lover is of you cheating on them, the more likely they’re already cheating on you.
  • You won’t find total peace in sobriety, but you will find far less peace in addiction.
  • Constantly listen to old songs that your brain already associates with previous experiences and thoughts? You may be living in the past.
  • “I did the best I could,” is usually an excuse used by people who didn’t do the best they could.
  • How do atheists know which rules to follow? The same way Christians know which rules in the Bible not to follow.
  • Oh my God! You’re a real vampire! Said no dentist ever.
  • Everyone is partly good & bad. You can choose to focus/dwell on either side. Both are right, but beware where both paths lead you.
  • You can’t improve your relationship by bitching.
  • America should change its slogan from “the land of the free” to “arbeit macht frei.”
  • The more time you put into thinking about things that make you sad and angry, the sadder and angrier you’ll probably be.
  • The more effort you put into thinking about things that make you happy and inspire you, the happier and more inspired you’ll probably be.
  • The Bible says divorce is evil because women are property. If you don’t believe in slavery, there’s no Biblical reason not to get divorced.
  • Every soldier who ever died, died in vain every time a cop punishes a tax payer for a victimless crime.
  • The more you believe that tearing down a customer service employees is justified, the bleaker of a person you probably are inside.
  • If you don’t have a plan how you’re going to make life better for yourself, it won’t.
  • If you can find out where a person came from and where they want to go, then you can predict what they’ll likely do in-between.
  • The best competitors show up to very few competitions you compete in. Sometimes bad competitors win because they’re the only people there.
  • Poisoning yourself constantly is a great way to weaken your immune system.
  • If America were the land of the free nobody would have to work 40 hours per week or die homeless.
  • I don’t know why people riot, but I have noticed that I un-oppressed people rarely do.
  • “I did the best I could,” is usually an excuse used by people who didn’t do the best they could.
  • Machines designed specifically to kill people don’t kill people. People kill people with machines designed specifically to kill people.
  • Writer = idea maker + communicator.
  • Each thought only comes around once a lifetime. Unless no part of you cares about them being lost/remembered, write them down. Last chance.
  • The more angry someone is at you, the less likely you’re at fault and the more likely you’re a victim of them projecting.
  • You probably think about the same few topics occasionally, every day. You may want to spend more time asking what topics are more important
  • The most productive way to be in love with your lover isn’t to be as infatuated as possible with them as all the time.
  • If you had shitty parents, you should seek therapy. If you know someone who had shitty parents, they should seek therapy.
  • Bragging is far more likely to convince people you’re a pompous ass than a bad ass.
  • You’ll almost always be swamped with important, pressing issues. Festering over people who wronged you ages ago is never a priority.
  • You won’t find total peace in sobriety, but you will find far less peace in addiction.
  • Someone who isn’t thinking rationally won’t come to a rational conclusion even if you serve it to them on a silver platter.
  • The difference between confident and cocky is that the first means, “I got it covered.” The second says, “I’m better than you.”
  • Every time you’re rude to someone you burn a bridge to an ally.
  • If you’ve got time to come up with excuses, you’ve got time to come up with solutions.
  • You can measure how horrible you’re capable of being by adding up all the situations where you believe being mean to others is justified.
  • The more you complain about a problem, the less you’re probably doing anything about it.
  • The sources of people’s unhappiness are usually found in their lifestyle. If you’re unhappy, that’s where your life probably needs change.
  • Tyranny cannot exist unless good people uphold bad laws in the name of duty and patriotism.
  • You can measure how unfulfilling your country is by how much television you watch.
  • If you think the world is divided between “us and them,” I guarantee you’re one of them.
  • If more than 2 people have called you an asshole, it’s probably because you are.
  • The more times you use the word “fuck” in an argument, the less favorable the outcome is likely to be for you.
  • The more often you brag about how smart you are, the more wrong you probably are.
  • Children need and want answers just as much as adults, but all they get from adults are mythologies and psychotic cartoons. #farfromutopia
  • In case you didn’t learn this in elementary school, the secret to long life is keeping all your organ systems healthy all the time.
  • The future matters more than the past.
  • Marriage is more dangerous than driving. You should have to take a 6 month marriage education course before getting a marriage license.
  • If America is a land “of the people, by the people, for the people,” then why is it a gruesome fucking rat race?
  • To better understand why you are the way you are, ask your parents to explain in detail what your life was like between ages 1-5.
  • In nobody’s utopia do people fear the police. In everyone’s dystopia the general public fears the police. #howareyourpolice?
  • If there is no afterlife then we were created to be a spectacle or because mortality is more precious than we understand.
  • “When a real estate agent says: “”Are you a first time home buyer?” What a real estate agent means: “Are you a first time debt prisoner?”
  • If you can organize a country to vote for a president every 4 years then you can organize a country to vote on important issues every year.
  • When you don’t bring up the problem in the room you become part of the problem. Do something long enough and you’ll come to accept/defend it
  • The biggest problem in the world right now is that not enough people are talking enough about the biggest problems in the world enough.
  • Kids, don’t get too excited about getting into the adult world and being treated like an adult. You never stop getting treated like a kid.
  • If you think poor people are all lazy and irresponsible, consider that majority of people on Earth are poor. Maybe the problem is systemic.
  • Every time a cop gives a ticket to meet a quota they defeat the purpose of police existing.
  • It’s not that young people don’t know what they want to do with their lives. It’s that they don’t know which shit job they should settle for
  • You are what you eat. In possibly unrelated news, you’re probably also going to die of cancer.
  • If America is the land of the free, then those must be freedom fines, freedom fees and freedom tickets I keep getting.
  • Making cars wait as you walk across the road all slow and gangsta lets strangers know you’re selfish, petty and insecure, not tough.
  • Crushing people’s hand when you shake it is a great way to let people know you have to make a dick waving competition out of everything.
  • Nothing was ever built on excuses.
  • Nobody wants you to impress them. They just want you to entertain and flatter them.
  • No problem has ever been solved or improved by alcohol.
  • Hurting someone all the time trains them to feel hurt and angry all the time.
  • If someone is mean to you because you did something wrong, it’s not because you did something wrong; its because they’re mean.
  • Surrounding yourself with good people is like cheating at life. Surrounding yourself with bad people is like cheating at failure.
  • Everyone who’s opinion of you, you worry about, will die one day. Then their opinion won’t matter one damn bit, as it never did.
  • If your lover acts obsessively possessive, suspicious and jealous, they’re cheating on you. I guarantee it.
  • There’s no point arguing with people who value winning more than truth, which in my experience, is most people.
  • The word “theology” is just “mythology” rebranded to not sound exactly like what it really is.
  • Disregarding useful advice just because the person giving it is a fool or a hypocrite is foolishness. You can learn something from anyone.
  • An honest history book would call The Spanish Inquisition, The Christian Inquisition and The Crusades, The Christian Wars.
  • If it’s a sin to question your government then it’s a sin to fix corruption.
  • It takes every cop and soldier working together with the best of intentions to prop up a corrupt government.
  • Poverty isn’t an accidental byproduct of capitalism. It’s 99% of the point.
  • If you base one iota of your identity around your affiliation with a pro sports team, you’re a woefully gullible consumer whore.
  • The rich terrorize and hurt more poor people everyday than the most extreme Jihadist could ever hope to achieve.
  • The more you don’t want to hear you’re wrong, the more you’re probably wrong.
  • If you’ve never asked yourself what you would do with your free time if you won the lottery then you may not have defined your destiny.
  • You learn and grow more from listening than from talking.
  • Obsessing over how much you’re worth squanders time you could spend getting on with your life.
  • If you’re always angrily proving you’re right, you’re probably actually angrily defending your misconceptions.
  • Chronic drug use is not a recipe for chronic stress relief. It’s a recipe for chronic cell death.
  • Everybody who knows you knows what’s wrong with you, but they won’t tell you because they know you won’t listen.
  • Not being able to see or think straight is your body’s way of telling you that you’re killing it with poison.
  • Just because you haven’t done something doesn’t mean you can’t do that thing.
  • Everybody doesn’t have what it takes to make it in a cut-throat economy. So maybe we shouldn’t have a cut-throat economy.
  • If someone accuses you of doing something bad and you get aggressively defense, you’re not looking at the situation from their point of view.
  • If your solution to an interpersonal problem involves you being a dick head, it’s going to backfire. I guarantee it.
  • A government capable of building roads for all its tax payers is capable of building homes for all its tax payers.
  • Monthly bills didn’t exist until humans made them. If humans are can make the Internet we should be able to make a world without bills.
  • Reality is bigger than the culture you were raised in.
  • Rules were invented to serve people, not the other way around.
  • Part of growing up is learning to bring closure to bad memories without the involvement of the people who gave you those memories.
  • If someone tells you that you fucked up, there’s more than a 50% chance they’re not completely wrong.
  • If you can’t figure out a better way to respond to anger than with hatred… You’re obviously not trying .
  • If you go to a job interview in America, don’t say, “I’m a creative thinker.” Instead, say, “I love to work.” They want slaves, not thinkers
  • When you get bored, clean your house. You need to do it anyway. You have the time, and you’ll feel good about it afterwards.
  • You’re more likely to succeed as an author by writing 100 books that are 90% perfect than writing 1 book that is 100% perfect.
  • Believing in Christianity doesn’t require faith without evidence. It requires denial of overwhelming evidence. #christianityismythology
  • Everyone detests arrogant people. Know that when you walk around acting like you’re better than everyone…everyone is looking down on you.
  • You can only be mean to someone so many times before they act mean back to you. Same goes with being kind.
  • The more you celebrate your lover the more they’ll celebrate you. The more you disparage your lover the more they’ll disparage you.
  • Only a gullible fool or someone who doesn’t want you to know a truth would tell you skepticism is a character flaw.
  • For every 1 thing you tell your lover you don’t like about them, tell them 1,000 things you do like about them.
  • I’m not saying don’t help people. Just be aware that giving people constructive criticism is more likely to piss them off than help them.
  • If you hate yourself, your life is going to suck no matter what… until you deal with why you hate yourself.
  • The reason you have unexplainable muscle pains is because you do the same things with your body every day.
  • Your day will probably be as wonderful as you are.
  • Most poor people aren’t poor because they’re lazy. They’re poor because rich people horded all the money and created a false scarcity.
  • Cheating is just taking the shortest path from Point A to Point B. This rule applies to accomplishing goals with imposed limits,not fidelity
  • Your dreams are waiting for you to stop making excuses.
  • If you could learn anything, what would you learn? If you’re not already learning it, why aren’t you?
  • “What’s important in life?” you ask. Well, keep asking yourself that for the rest of your life, and hope your answer isn’t totally wrong.
  • Learn something new every day and it’s only a matter of time until you become a better person… especially if you learn important things.
  • Knowledge is just retaining rote facts. Wisdom is finding/deducing rote facts that help you accomplish the most important goal in life.
  • If you do one thing all day, every day, it’s only a matter of time until you become professionally good at that thing.
  • Neanderthals probably went extinct because Homo Sapiens committed genocide… which would probably make a pretty cool movie.
  • It’s harder to appreciate life when you’re poisoning your body everyday.
  • The cure for lethargy is activity.
  • Control your thoughts and you control your destiny. What’s more important than your destiny? .
  • Don’t expect life to just calm you down,center and focus your attention everyday.If you don’t consciously do that yourself it won’t happen.
  • You could hold on tightly to all the regrets, grievances and pains of your past forever… but what would be the point?
  • Everyone deserves a second chance, but be aware that almost nobody ever changes.
  • The people who hurt you in the past don’t exist anymore… and neither do the people they hurt.
  • Whatever tone of voice you use with someone, they’ll probably use the same one back.
  • My blog shows me the words people Google before clicking my blog. Every week someone asks the internet, “Why am I surrounded by idiots?”
  • My blog, “How to go down on a girl” gets about 5,000 hits per month. “How to go down on a guy” gets about 900. I find this interesting.
  • America has over 2 million prisoners (mostly nonviolent drug offenders)… who all wish someone was fighting for their freedom.
  • The biggest problem in most people’s lives is their lack of problem solving skills.
  • The latest pope is doing a terrible job of pretending to have a direct connection with the creator of the universe.
  • I wish someone would make a horror movie about giant cats with snake fangs or dogs with shark heads.
  • A lack of faith in the unproven is not a character flaw. Not rigorously scrutinizing things before believing them is.
  • Women are more likely to talk about how men should love them despite their weight than they are to talk about how much they love fat guys.
  • If you drink and smoke every day… that’s probably all you’ll ever be able to afford to do.
  • Having a bad day is not a valid excuse to be hurtful to other people. But any 10 year old could have told you that.
  • Your body is 98% water.You’re a walking waterfall. Everything your body does uses water.Drink 2 liters of water daily or die sick.
  • We should replace the phrase on the American dollar, “In God we trust,” with “God save the poor from the rich.”
  • When someone says, “I’ll pray for you.” What they’re really saying is, “I’ll do nothing for you while being self-righteous about it.”
  • Imagine what the world would be like if the masses got as worked up over poverty (or any issue that matters) as they do over sports.
  • Most important thing happening in America today: A few brain damaged rich guys are carrying a ball back and forth between two lines.
  • When you watch television you pass up opportunities to succeed at life by investing your time watching other people succeed at life.
  • If you choose to bail someone out every time they screw up, their problems will always be your problems and yours alone.
  • An apology is not a substitute for changing bad behavior.
  • In a world where everything costs money, it stings to go anywhere or do anything.
  • You’d be surprised what people will give you sometimes if you just ask.
  • How do Atheists know which rules to follow? The same way Christians know which rules in the Bible not to follow.
  • There are two kinds of people in this world: Those who have an excuse for everything, and those who don’t have to make excuses.
  • Smart men started The War in Iraq, which only accomplished destabilizing the middle east. Makes you wonder if that was the whole point.
  • Our soldiers have been protecting our freedoms by killing foreign goat herders while our police and politicians take our freedoms away.
  • As a veteran,I feel sick and guilty when Americans thank me for “fighting” for their freedom.You lost freedoms on my watch.
  • If someone pushes you down, it’s their fault you’re down. If you don’t do everything you can to get up, it’s your fault you’re still down.
  • Republicans won’t stand to hear anyone saying one unkind word about America or its leaders… unless you say all the hateful things they do.
  • This is what I think everytime I hear someone say the minimum wage is too high or shouldn’t exist: http://t.co/A5cM8AaNEQ
  • Women, you don’t have to manipulate men to do what you want. Just give him a blowjob. He’ll do whatever you want and love you more too.
  • Trying something new is usually preferable to doing something old. Even if you don’t like it, you still learn something new. That’s winning.
  • Capitalism defines the value of human life as being equal to the least amount of money the most desperate person will work for to survive.
  • If you only care about yourself, you don’t give other people much reason to care about you. In fact, you give them good reason not to.
  • Packaged foods that takes longer than a year to expire are basically M.R.E.’s and should only be eaten in emergency survival situations.
  • Statistically speaking, you should be gravely concerned about your inability to accept responsibility for your actions.
  • How to be an adult: Realize that your age has no bearing on how much other people should respect you or how much you should respect them.
  • How to be an adult: Don’t get hurt, defensive and belligerent when someone informs you you’re wrong about something. Instead, say thank you.
  • Why are promiscuous men called studs while promiscuous women are called sluts? That’s because women shame their competition while men don’t
  • Some people say it’s inherently immoral to criticize religion… but nobody says its wrong to criticize mythology. #allreligionismythology
  • If you’re going to spend money on anything, buy good shoes and a good bed. You’ll spend half your life in one, and half in the other.
  • If you play the song “Let It Go” from Disney’s “Frozen” while watching internet porn, the lyrics will sync with the action every time.
  • 99% of men masturbate. That’s 99% of the men you’ve shaken hands with.
  • Shortest explanation of USA politics: Most elected politicians are professional campaigners who work almost exclusively for their donors.
  • I bet Thomas Edison, Ben Franklin, and Isaac Netwon would be happy that their work led to the Internet, which is mainly used to share porn.
  • Jesus came to earth with infinite cosmic power… which he used to make more booze without having to run to the store or pay for it.
  • When Jesus said, “He who is without sin, throw the first stone…” He was criticizing the law… the infallible, divine law that HE wrote.
  • First God says to kill fornicators. Then God comes to Earth to save the world by impregnating a virgin. Way to make your job harder, God.
  • Shortest summary of the Bible: God used to be a blood snorting psychopath, but he killed himself and snorted his own blood. Now God is love.
  • I’ve watched excuses ruin more people’s lives than anything else.

Deep Thoughts by The Wise Sloth #25

Apparently that's all going on in the world right now.

Apparently that’s all going on in the world right now.

Ask and you shall recieve. If you dont', leave.

Ask and you shall receive. If you dont’, leave.

Because you're so self absorbed

Because you’re so self absorbed

Didn't mention the misery of the poor though.

Didn’t mention the misery of the poor though.

Don't kid yourself.

Don’t kid yourself.

Every time. Every. Time.

Every time. Every. Time.

I'm going to have those words stuck in my head.

I’m going to have those words stuck in my head.

I don't even know why we still watch those

I don’t even know why we still watch those

Let's see what they say next time.

Let’s see what they say next time.

Luckily that's legal.

Luckily that’s legal.

No mention of what happened to journalistic integrity though

No mention of what happened to journalistic integrity though

Now I want to buy stuff I don't need.

Now I want to buy stuff I don’t need.

Sales are just softer gouging anyway.

Sales are just softer gouging anyway.

See a therapist.

See a therapist.

Setting the tone for the day.

Setting the tone for the day

That's what we're teaching our children.

That’s what we’re teaching our children.

That's why we voted for them, right

That’s why we voted for them, right

There's no escaping the bla blas.

There’s no escaping the bla blas.

We have a responsibility to lie to children, don't we?

We have a responsibility to lie to children, don’t we?

Here's looking at you, Reddit.

Here’s looking at you, Reddit.

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Deep Thoughts by The Wise Sloth $20
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Deep Thoughts by The Wise Sloth #24

Script:

Deep Thought #1

What did that one news anchor say?

They said, “Bla bla bla bla.”

Deep Thought #2

Wish your significant other knew how to please you sexually?

You wouldn’t have to wish if you just told them what you wanted.

Deep Thought #3

If you think the people you’ve hurt in the past should just forgive you and get over it…

You’ll probably never stop being an asshole.

Deep Thought #4

What did that one sports announcer say?

They said, “Bla bla bla bla.”

Deep Thought #5

There’s such thing as functioning alcoholics.

…but not fully functioning alcoholics.

Deep Thought #6

What did they say in that one political press release?

They said, “Bla bla bla bla.”

Deep Thought #7

Ridiculing people you perceive as dumber than you doesn’t prove you’re smart.

…just petty.

Deep Thought #8

What were the words to that one pop song?

They said, “Bla bla bla bla.”

Deep Thought #9

What did they say in that one presidential debate?

They said, “Bla bla bla bla.”

Deep Thought #10

What did they say on that one television show?

They said, “Bla bla bla bla.”

Deep Thought #11

Look! There’s a sale at that fast food restaurant!

Come on, everybody! Poison is on sale!

Deep Thought #12

What did that one newspaper say?

They said, “Bla bla bla bla.”

Deep Thought #13

What were the words to that one commercial?

They were, “Bla bla bla bla.”

Deep Thought #14

Every dollar a company spends advertising their low prices and good intentions…

was earned by overcharging or underpaying someone.

Deep Thought #15

You’re not winning if you successfully guilt trip your lover into changing their behavior by whining and acting hurt.

You’re a parasite.

Deep Thought #16

What did that one morning radio DJ say?

They said, “Bla bla bla bla.”

Deep Thought #17

What did they say in that one movie?

They said, “Bla bla bla bla.”

Deep Thought #18

What did that one leader of the country say?

They said, “Bla bla bla bla.”

Deep Thought #19

What were the words to that one billboard?

They were, “Bla bla bla bla.”

Deep Thought #20

Let’s make all adults on children’s shows act like goofy, neutered youth pastors.

That way kids will grow up with completely incorrect assumptions about adults and adulthood. 🙂


Deep Thoughts by The Wise Sloth #24

 

 

...who hates yourself.

and as expensive as possible

and don't expect any compensation  for demeaning yourself

but at least you'll be oblivious to your oppression

But if you ever dreamed of complicity in blowing up brown people....

 

 

Call it Freedom Terrorism

It will help you move mountains.

Jesus, now that I've found you, how much of my income do you want

Let's make it a day of mourning

like poverty

Luckily, no politicians will stop businesses from selling it to you.

Men don't have one either.

otherwise you're fucked.

point your finger at yourself

Thanks. Now go die.

What does that make me?

that's why I don't lose sleep over your hunger and fear

that's worth paying $20 for an album

Which makes it even more important than celebrity gossip.

How to make your own deep thoughts memes

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Deep Thoughts by The Wise Sloth $20
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Deep Thoughts by The Wise Sloth #23

Transcript:

Deep Thought # 1

Bullying other people doesn’t prove you’re a bad ass.

It proves you’re a dumb ass.

Deep Thought # 2

Our goal at this college is to help you succeed.

…and to make registration as complicated as possible.

Deep Thought # 3

Be yourself and follow your dreams.

…except when you’re serving customers. Then put your wants and dignity aside and act like you’re happy to eat their shit.

Deep Thought # 4

I’m only going to pay you the bare minimum legally required of me.

…because I’m the bare minimum of a human being.

Deep Thought # 5

If you believe in yourself and the power of your dreams…

…statistically speaking you will still spend the rest of your life as a wage slave.

Deep Thought # 6

Join the U.S. Air Force, and we’ll make all your dreams come tre.

…except for the one about not being complicit in the deaths of thousands of innocent civilians.

Deep Thought # 7

What’s another word for militarizing your police force?

“Terrorism”

Deep Thought # 8

The easiest super power you can learn:

Looking at things from other people’s perspective.

Deep Thought # 9

Excuse me. Can you tell me where I can find Jesus?

Sure, you’ll find him right over there, next to the con artist collecting donations.

Deep Thought # 10

This inspirational pop song makes me feel like a champion with the eye of the tiger who can spread my wings and fly!

I’m so glad I have something to help me pretend like I won’t be a degraded wage slave my entire life.

Deep Thought # 11

Why is Black Friday in America called “Black Friday?”

Because it’s a celebration of everything that’s wrong with American society.

Deep Thought # 12

We’d better not allow cussing or nudity on television.

Because if we allowed that to happen we might have to harp on problems that actually matter.

Deep Thought # 13

Damn, this soda tastes good.

…and by “soda” I mean, over-the-counter addictive poison.

Deep Thought # 14

“If you don’t have anything nice to say then don’t say anything at all.”

Women, your period is not a loophole around this rule.

Deep Thought # 15

The two biggest problems in this country are the threat of desperate people losing their guns and rich people losing their tax breaks.

…said no homeless person ever.

Deep Thought # 16

If you elect me president I’ll make all your dreams come true.

…if you’re rich.

Deep Thought # 17

If you have to bitch at your significant other before they even get out of the bed in the morning…

…then you are the problem.

Deep Thought # 18

Because of all your hard work my company has grown into a multi million dollar global corporation.

Too bad I don’t have to compensate you with any of the equity you created.

Deep Thought # 19

Anytime someone thanks me for fighting for their freedom…

I think, man, you lost freedoms during the years I was in the military.

Deep Thought # 20

Why do you keep harping on the issue of poverty?

Because it’s the greatest source of unnecessary misery in the world.


Deep thoughts by The Wise Sloth #23

Transcript

Deep Thought # 1

Pleasure is evil and horrible!

Says the miserable curmudgeon who can’t wait to die because they believe they’ll spend the rest of eternity in a permanent state of pleasure.

Deep Thought # 2

These protesters are demanding fair wages and accurate representation in government!

Quick, pepper spray and beat the shit out of these anarchists!

Deep Thought # 3

You know what would be really funny?

If we teach our kids that sex is disgusting and evil as we spend our entire lives chasing sex.

Deep Thought # 4

Poor people who don’t want to work their entire lives are lazy and irresponsible.

Rich people who don’t want to work their entire lives are making the most out of their lives.

Deep Thought # 5

You work 40 hours per week making other people’s lives better? Me too!

Well, try to enjoy your lobster. I’ll try to enjoy my Ramen noodles.

Deep Thought # 6

Forcing everyone to buy health insurance is socialism!

…said no socialist ever.

Deep Thought # 7

You failed your philosophy paper for making up ideas of your own without referencing…

dead philosophers who made up ideas of their own.

Deep Thought # 8

Suburbia is so exciting and fulfilling that I don’t even want to watch television.

…said no suburbanite ever.

Deep Thought # 9

Don’t worry. Here at Wells Fargo we only charge you $10 per month for your checking account if you don’t have at least $300 direct deposited each month.

Well, it’s good to know that you’re only screwing over the poorest of the poor.

Deep Thought # 10

I’m not a gold digger, but I expect my man to make more money than me.

No, you are. You’re a greedy, selfish gold digger with golden vagina syndrome.

Deep Thought # 11

Talking snakes. Talking donkeys. Magic hair. Gods impregnating women and turning water into booze…

Nah, that doesn’t sound like mythology at all.

Deep Thought # 12

Don’t worry, citizen. I’m here for your protection!

And by “your protection” I mean, “to meet my quota.”

Deep Thought # 13

I’m so relieved that you have an excuse for everything…

…and that I can replace you with someone who doesn’t.

Deep Thought # 14

That thing that celebrity did was so shocking and scandalous it’s all everyone is talking about!

Really? It’s more shocking and scandalous than the continent-sized pile of trash floating in our depleted ocean?

Deep Thought # 15

Teacher, if I’m never going to use this information then why are you teaching it to me let alone testing me on it?

Because if I stood up for what’s right I’d just get fired and nothing would change anyway.

Deep Thought # 16

Internet Pro Tip:

When someone asks a question on a forum, don’t post a response saying, “I don’t know.”

Deep Thought # 17

I know this sounds counter intuitive, but…

…yelling at children does not make them better people.

Deep Thought # 18

If you didn’t want your lover to leave you…

…You shouldn’t have treated them like shit.

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Deep Thoughts by The Wise Sloth #21
Deep Thoughts by The Wise Sloth #22


Deep Thoughts by The Wise Sloth #22

and thus have no basis for comparison

Don't assume an asshole would understand this statement.

Don't eat it.

Just give me a reason to buy crap I don't need.

or go to church.

Reason solves more problems than aggression.

Retirement funds are for losers.

That's a bad example since Jesus approved of slavery.

That's also why you don't get breaks.

That's not change we can believe in either.

Then someone else goes on furlough.

You're only kidding yourself.

Transcript:

Deep Thought #1

New Rule: You don’t get to say you live in the best country in the world if you’ve never been to another country.

Deep Thought #2

Tell a good person they’re an asshole and they’ll feel hurt and apologize. Tell an asshole they’re an asshole and they’ll argue with you and try to prove they’re right and you’re wrong.

Deep Thought #3

What’s another word for “fast food?” “Poison.” The word you’re looking for is “poison.”

Deep Thought #4

Hey, let’s go buy a bunch of holiday decorations and doodads! Because ,you know… we’re consumer whores.

Deep Thought #5

Want to wast your life doing something meaningless but you’re too old for video games? just watch sports.

Deep Thought #6

If you’re mad enough to scream…. there’s a 90% chance the problem is that you’re over-reacting.

Deep Thought #7

Hello, poor person trying to look rich. Nice Escalade you got there.

Deep Thought #8

Jesus wasn’t Caucasian. So hanging a picture of a white Jesus in your house is sort of like hanging a picture of a white Martin Luther King Jr. in your house.

Deep Thought #9

How come we have to be at work for ten hours a day instead of like seven? Because your employer’s profit margin is more important than your life.

Deep Thought #10

Under Obamacare American citizens will be fined if they don’t buy health insurance. That’s no Socialism. That’s predatory capitalism at its finest.

Deep Thought #11

If you fail to do your job you will be fired…. Unless you’re a Congressman.

Deep Thought #12

You don’t go looking for trouble, but trouble always seems to find you. Now, wait. The problem is that you always go looking for trouble.

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Deep Thoughts by The Wise Sloth #21


Deep Thoughts by The Wise Sloth #21

aka freedom drones.

And use more citations and less original ideas.

But you will anyway.

Just like you don't respect women.

or Detroit or Mississippi.

or not.

or people from Diego Garcia.

Please please please please

Righteousness 1 - Morality 0

So we should probably do something about that.

The legal way!

and their baggage

Transcript:

Deep Thought #1

I think we can all agree it’s unconscionable to use chemical weapons to kill civilians. You’re supposed to use drones.

Deep Thought #2

I’m sorry. Your college essay sounds conversational and accessible. You’re going to have to make it pretentiously unreadable if you expect to get an “A.”

Deep Thought #3

New Rule: If you’ve never been to a country with strict gun control laws then you don’t get to shout about how bad gun control laws are.

Deep Thought #4

Oh, you believe women should be punished for taking their shirt off? Then no, I don’t respect your beliefs.

Deep Thought #5

This is the greatest country in the world!! Said no one who lives in Compton.

Deep Thought #6

I’ve got it! I’ll cuss out people on the internet who don’t believe the same things I do! That’ll show them how superior me and my beliefs are!

Deep Thought #7

I love how devoted America is to freedom! Said no Cuban or Palestinian ever.

Deep Thought #8

Would someone please make a new Facebook application.. one that blocks baby pictures.

Deep Thought #9

Remember, it’s never okay to hurt other people…. unless you’re punishing them for doing something you disagree with.

Deep Thought #10

The call to action raised by global warming is to reduce pollution. The call to action raised by climate change deniers is more pollution. Hey, even if global warming isn’t real, pollution is still bad.

Deep Thought #11

It’s unconscionable to kil yourself with illegal drugs. You should kill yourself with alcohol and tobacco!

Deep Thought #12

Women get to be swept off their feet and carried into the sunset. Men get to carry women.

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Deep Thoughts by The Wise Sloth #22


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