Tag Archives: tweet collection

Tweets by The Wise Sloth: Sept 2016-Feb 2017

Click here to view my first collection of Tweets, or visit my Twitter page.

  • Whenever I fail at something, I imagine myself as a young Babe Ruth striking out.
  • Everyone has hurt someone. So we may as well either preemptively hate everyone or forgive everyone.
  • It defeats the purpose of getting/having/keeping someone in your life if you have to go out of your way to live up to their expectations.
  • Everytime you feel you’ve won an argument, there’s a 50/50 chance you just dogmatically defended your completely wrong self-serving delusion.
  • When you’re ready for meaningful change to happen in the world, stop watching meaningless, petty movies, TV shows and Youtube channels.
  • Just once I’d like to hear an American president address the fact that Americans live in constant fear of their own police force.
  • Instead of having a Republican and Democratic party, how about a Male and Female, or Young and Old, or Employer and Employee, or anything else?
  • White people aren’t the source of the world’s historical or modern systemic problems. Capitalists are. The problem is greed, not race.
  • When I hear people say, “I’m tired of hearing people talk about Trump,” I think, “Not talking about politics is how we ended up with Trump.”
  • Trump had the same effect on Americans talking about politics that J.K. Rowling had on kids reading books.
  • Why don’t liberals like Trump? They’re either biased or they see the same objective reasons the rest of the entire fucking world does.
  • I bet we could reduce the number of panic attacks in America by at least 80% by not requiring everyone to live in almost constant debt.
  • When men don’t get pussy, they turn into werewolves. When women don’t get dick, they turn into banshees.
  • I’m starting to suspect Trump has been on a coke bender since he got elected and hasn’t slept the whole time he’s been in office.
  • Join me on Patreon 
  • With everything wrong in the world today, you’ll explode if you don’t master the art of being mad without feeling mad.
  • Our culture is a patriarchy designed to oppress and degrade women, said no florist on Valentine’s Day ever.
  • Failure = practice.
  • It’s not male politicians holding women’s liberation back. It’s religious politicians.
  • When I hear how much it cost to make a movie, I wonder how many farms and homeless shelters humanity could have built instead.
  • You are not the sum of the way people have treated you.
  • Feminism had me at gender equality but lost me at kill all the white men.
  • Most Americans are more intensly and frequently afraid of seeing an American cop or doctor than a foreign terrorist.
  • Most Americans haven’t been to Europe, Africa or the Middle East, but most of them have been to their local police station.

  • I want my tax dollars to be spent paying a group of writers to write a book titled, “Survival Guide to Life.”
  • Relationships are mazes, not train tracks. There’s no backtracking in a maze. There’s only moving forward with what you’ve learned.
  • Every year on Super Bowl Sunday I celebrate sanity by not watching the Super Bowl.
  • Masturbating is like cooking. You can prepare a fine meal or grab a burger to go. Call me crazy, but I prefer Thanksgiving over fast food.
  • The psychology of why 94 deaths from terrorism are scarier than 301,797 deaths from guns 
  • We should start calling social justice warriors, “The Alt-Left.”
  • If America must spend billions of dollars giving stuff away for free, medical texts books should be near the top of the list.
  • It defeats the purpose of ingesting something if it has zero calories.
  • The Chain of Obedience

 

  • “Experience has taught me that you only have two options in life:
    1. Kick life in the balls.
    2. Get kicked in the balls by life.”
  • I’m going to start periodically posting “words of the day” that are good to know. Today’s word is,”splinternet.”
  • The simplest and most perfect explanation of privilege I have ever seen
  • Women obsess over men pleasing them emotionally, and men obsess over pleasing women physically. #oops
  • It’s worth noting that, while Trump got sworn in as president, thousands of Americans were reading my blog about how to go down on a girl.
  • My blog, “How to go down on a girl” got 100k views today. If you haven’t read it, you’re missing out.

  • The rich fear bankruptcy more than bullets. If you want to motivate a rich person, then “speak their language.”
  • If only allowing current high school honor students to serve in Congress would seriously make America better, then why not seriously do it?
  • Raising taxes on addictive substances works every time… at making addicts poorer and/or turning to cheaper, more dangerous substitutes.
  • Getting mad at people when you don’t get what you want usually indicates you’re the selfish bad guy, and your enemy is the real victim.
  • Your character is reflected and created by what you talk about. This applies to your social media posts too. Share genius or be foolish.
  • People only argue semantics when they don’t have a real argument.
  • Everyone could eliminate at least half their problems by just shutting their mouth and not bitching and complaining about bullshit.
  • Science is just drawing conclusions from evidence. The only time people hate evidence-ology is when they’re refusing to admit they’re wrong.
  • We have 50 names for sexual orientations, but if you put anyone alone on an island for the rest of their life with anything, they’ll fuck it.
  • Nowadays, every time I drink milk I wonder what percentage of the bouquet of flavors I’ve come to know and love is the taste of udder pus.
  • We’re going to feel real sheepish if it turns out life was never anything more than just a birthday present from God.
  • This is an actual book you can buy on Amazon: President Domald Loch Ness Tromp Pounds America’s Butt
  • If you don’t think happy thoughts when things suck, then life is just pretty much always going to suck.

  • The fastest, easiest, best shortcut to climbing a mountain, still usually involves climbing a mountain.
  • To the extent I’m disappointed in America voting for Trump, I’m proud of them for not voting for Clinton.
  • If you’re going to boycott companies associated with Trump, boycott the RNC and DNC. Don’t keep paying the people who got us here.

  • Would someone please invent a website that exports my Twitter, Reddit, Facebook and Medium feeds into one scrolling wall?
  • Blind faith is more likely to lead you over a cliff than to the promised land.
  • Trump isn’t the problem. He’s a symptom of capitalism. Even if liberal Democrats could “beat” him, capitalism will send us more like him.
  • Instead of using school time to teach kids how to celebrate nonsensical holidays, let’s teach them how to solve problems during that time.
  • Learning how to overcome fear is more important than learning the quadratic equation. Yet schools are more likely to teach the latter.
  • Obama acting nonchalant about the first black president handing over power to a mentally unstable bigot, demonstrates his mastery of lying.
  • Hillary Clinton telling all Americans to just go with Donald Trump’s flow proves she couldn’t care less about the American people.
  • Trumps promises in his acceptance speech would have been more reassuring if he didn’t speak like a confused, semi-literate child.
  • The smile on Hillary Clinton’s face during her concession speech demonstrates her mastery of the art of lying in public with a straight face.
  • Trump’s plan to make America great again may as well have been to start a civil war, because it looks like that’s what he’ll do.
  • If you don’t like America, then leave. Oh, wait. You can’t, because America’s oppressive economy keeps you living paycheck to paycheck.
  • Right now I’m more proud to have a permanent residency visa to New Zealand than I am to be an American citizen.
  • I told friends jokingly I would prefer a Trump presidency over Clinton because he’ll bring a quicker apocalypse. The joke isn’t as funny now America elected a joke for president. Now the joke is on the American people.
  • Nobody who is laughing today will be laughing 4 years from now.
  • I’ve been saying for a year Hillary would win because of corruption. Turns out the system is less corrupt and more stupid than I thought.

  • I suspected Donald Trump was nominated to scare people into voting for Hillary Clinton, but what if it was the other way around?
  • @TheSafestSpace: Cultural appropriation destroys cultures by sharing their best ideas with other cultures…
  • Americans, don’t forget to exercise your right to vote on rigged elections today… if you’re into that sort of thing.
  • I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that life is just a reality TV show that God and angels have been binge-watching on celestial televisions.
  • You can tell an economy is broken if it costs a month’s wages to fulfill annual responsibilities like car repair and dental work.
  • It wouldn’t be so important to “get your shit together” as young as possible, if the system wasn’t designed to set you up for failure.
  • The sentence, “I like my ice crushed, but he likes his cubed,” isn’t interesting at all… unless an identical twin says it.
  • Christianity would benefit from churches paying taxes, because it would reduce con artists’ incentive to open churches and preach bullshit.
  • Life is more about what you are than what you have.
  • You go on vacation to find relief, only to find more of the same extortionate price gouging that was stressing you out in your home town.
  • Corporations won’t let politicians give us election day off. Why should they lose a day of our labor to vote on what they already decided?
  • Election day should be a national holiday almost as much as elections shouldn’t be rigged.
  • I wish Fitbit could make a device that, instead of measuring your heart rate, measures what a entitled, whiney, unrelenting asshole you are.
  • The more non-violent protesters cops arrest, the more they make violence inevitable by proving non-violence is not an option.
  • Soldiers giveth freedom, and police taketh away.
  • Every social justice warrior’s posts on social media are made on devices invented by men, assembled by slaves, bought from capitalists.
  • American style freedom: In New Orleans, you can walk down the street drinking a beer, but can’t buy it without an ID, even if you’re elderly.
  • I bet God dies inside a little every time humans pave over more nature to build more strip malls and suburbs.
  • Americans dress like other cultures on Halloween because consumerism is America’s culture.
  • There’s a fine line between courage and stupidity.
  • Bourbon Street in New Orleans looks like a dream at night. It looks like a broken dream in the day light.
  • Anytime you send food back at a restaurant, assume whatever you get back has spit in it, even if your complaint was valid.
  • Doing things that improve your life = worldly success. Succeeding at the expense of other people’s quality of life = existential failure.
  • Those who entertain the most ideas without evidence see farthest. Those who believe the most ideas without evidence, see shortest.
  • Expect a man to do recurring yard work and nobody bats an eye. Expect a woman to do recurring housework and everybody loses their mind.
  • When you speak angrily to your lover, you may get what you want, but they’ll walk away feeling like your enemy or victim.
  • The dullest pencil has a better memory than the sharpest mind.
  • If any religion has instructions on killing, it’d be foolish to say, “As long as nobody gets hurt, who cares what religion people believe?”
  • The popularity of click-and-wait smart phone games proves if humans don’t have stress in our life, we’ll create it.
  • It really illustrates who the government works for when cops arrest people protesting big businesses siezing and building on their land.
  • Dangerous adults aren’t created when society fails to censor kids from bad ethics, but when society fails to teach kids functional ethics.
  • Demanding that the 1% pay reparations to the poor would be more accurate than demanding white men pay reparations to everyone.
  • I don’t want a white history month, but if we’re going to have a double standard, let’s admit it officially with a white bashing month.

  • Lucky for me, living in the ghetto shelters me from meeting anyone pretentious enough to tell a complete stranger to check their priviledge.
  • This is your brain on religion.
  • Few politicians still support Trump. Less support fixing how/why the candidate selection process is designed to nominate deplorable people.
  • It’s not an election if there are only two choices, both bad, but one so bad it would be insane to vote for them.That’s a bait and switch.
  • American CEOs and investors tend to profit far more than American workers each time America goes to war.
  • Politicians shouldn’t brag about lowering unemployment by creating new minimum wage jobs, because they’re bragging about expanding slavery.
  • If you knew which subcultures distrust/defame cops most, you could surely predict which ones cops are least likely to trust.
  • Radio DJs play commercials and vapid pop music. So their job is to spread intellectual dystopia in the minds of the public. #NotYourFriends
  • Police didn’t invent the stereotype that blacks are dangerous. Black gangsters spread that until it created the need for #BlackLivesMatters.
  • The more breaks you take from life’s problems to watch mindless TV, the more you put off solving the problems hurting you and humanity.
  • Morality police criminalize breaking archaic, harmless taboos in TV but don’t criminalize commercials, which teach harmful irresponsibility.
  • When everything costs $, $ is the means to freedom and empowerment. When businesses extort customers and employees, profits become oppression.
  • Employers and politicians that create poverty, deny people hope and self worth, which is unnatural, unnecessary and a step below murder.
  • News agencies still acting like the presidential election is legitimate and free, and aren’t demanding new candidates, are part of the problem.
  • You rarely hear people who eat right and exercise regularly, complain about chronic fatigue.
  • Exercising makes you sweat. Sweat removes toxins from your body. Not exercising keeps toxins in your body affecting mood, energy and health.

  • It seems convenient that an unpalatable presidential nominee, who is depending on the female vote, is running against a cartoon mysoginist.
  • Everyone loves freedom until you do something they wouldn’t. Then freedom is offensive and frightening.
  • How I Figured Out Christianity is Not Real
  • The more crappy TV you watch, the crappier your thoughts will tend to be.
  • Soldiers protect you from terrorists. Cops protect you from criminals, and Congress protects big business’s profit margins from you.
  • Politicians call people who kill Americans, cowards. If that’s true, it’s more cowardly when they sell corporations the power to write laws.
  • On a long enough time scale, everyone is an immigrant. But in basically every country and culture in the world it’s popular to hate immigrants.
  • Imagine you were given the freedom to vote between a gorilla and the mean cheerleader for senior class president #2016election #notarealvote
  • Hero + need + opportunity + condition + plan + decision.. drives hero to fulfill condition requirements to get that which satisfies the need.
  • Everyone should accept everyone wearing whatever they want. Nobody should accept anyone forcing anyone to wear something they don’t want to.
  • What some people call, “depravity,” other people call, “thinking outside the box.”
  • It’s possible to cope with everything being overpriced, but not when everything gets more overpriced the more of a necessity it is.
  • Unicorns are mentioned 9 times in the Bible. How many times does it need to be before it raises reasonable suspicion the Bible is mythology?
  • Writer’s block is just anxiety and panic attacks. To master the art of getting through writer’s block, Google “steps to overcoming anxiety.”
  • I hope one day I get to see a Broadway show titled, “Poverty: The Musical.”
  • If Facebook has taught us anything, it’s that the first person to make a movie called “Cats VS Babies” is going to make a lot of money.
  • How many redundant studies do we need to reconfirm the known fact that porn doesn’t cause psychological harm before we stop policing it?
  • You might think it says something good about society that we look at more cats on the internet than porn, but I worry about our cat fetish.
  • I loved the Ninja Turtles as a kid. Less after I realized if they came to my house, we’d probably never get the smell of sewer shit out.
  • When I watched the Matrix I was like, robots can build virtual reality biomass battery farms but not a tall pole to put solar panels on?
  • Every time I watch a movie where humans fight aliens, the whole time I’m like, both sides would have died immediately from the other’s germs.
  • Think of humans as wind-up chimps on autopilot who don’t realize they’re on autopilot. Everything everyone does will make much more sense.
  • If equally hurtful when banks fine you for having $0 in your bank account, as it is when loan officers and credit card companies do it.
  • Psychological classical conditioning changes human behavior, which builds neural pathways we pass onto children, conditioning their behavior
  • There’s a legal limit to the amount of rodent and insect parts allowed to be present in food sold in stores where, you know, vegetarians shop.
  • “Just because you’re older doesn’t mean you’re right. More likely it means you’ve been wrong a long time.” Keith Wagner
  • RT @elisadoucette: Drinking game for tonite’s debate is to chug a bottle when it starts and try to mask the reality that we actually let it happen.
  • The prouder you are of the company you work for, the more evidence there is you have Stockholm Syndrome.
  • Every writer should tweet to gain experience condensing sentences to the bare essentials.
  • Suburbia sentences you to perpetual debt, which sentences you to perpetual fear and work, resulting in permanent loss of hope and freedom.
  • Living in suburbia requires you to perpetually buy/replace/repair expensive stuff you must work to pay for. It’s like living in a labor camp.
  • If you’re the only person in the world you care about, then why should anyone care about you? #parasite #karma

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