Tag Archives: twitter

Tweets by The Wise Sloth #5


Faith takes courage until it requires ignoring evidence. Then it takes cowardice, dishonesty and delusion.

Most of Guns N’ Roses’ songs are love songs. They’re basically a louder version of Tailor Swift.

Science answers “what” using evidence. Philosophy answers “why” using logic. Religion answers “what” and “why” with faith in ancient mythology

I predict in five years, every movie scene will be filmed in orange and teal lights.

Focus on what you’re doing, not what you want. You climb a mountain by taking steps, not by obsessively staring at the peak.

Your life won’t improve until you improve your thoughts.

If you’re ever feeling bad, try thinking of something good.

You won’t find peace outside of you until you find peace inside of you.

I challenge any Christian to read Exodus and Leviticus ten times, and then say, “I see no evidence of mythology or primitive culture here.”


Someone should print a Bible with all the fucked up parts in red. Then you can give it to Christians and say, “Sell me on anything in red.”

Charging the shit out of anyone who misses a payment on a debt, wouldn’t happen in any place faintly resembling Utopia.

Your value is set by how much love you give, not by how much you recieve.

If you’re a Christian, and haven’t given everything to the poor, I assume you either don’t know what the Bible says or you lack conviction.


My only problem with fast food chains is they use slave labor to sell poison to the public and markup the cost as high as the market allows.

America would be better off if every news anchor was a licensed psychologist, instead of a surreal-acting sensationalist.

You’d think the pickier you are, the sweeter life will be, but the less picky you are, the less difficult life will be.

Floating islands could solve extreme poverty, refugee crises and pollution 

I’m not saying this is deep. I just couldn’t not share it:

I knew an inmate who refused to work in the prison sweat shop. When asked why. He said, “If I wanted to be a slave, I wouldn’t have sold drugs”

Any president who doesn’t talk about the fact that state-sanctioned slavery going on in U.S. prisons, is a complete failure at their job.

This is how I feel when people thank me for my military service: 

How solve extreme poverty and every refugee crises

The low, low prices at your favorite store were brought to you by the slaves who made the products, not the generosity of the store owners.

I hate it when you watch a video on Youtube, and afterwards you think, “Fuck. That’s what you just did with that time in your life.”

I want to leave snarky replies to Trump’s tweets, but I assume my name will automatically be put on Trump’s terrorist watch list #trumptweet

Responsibility is doing what you need before doing what you want.

There are 2 kinds of people: ones who treat others well because they care and ones who treat others bad because they only care about theirself.

When the politician you’ve been dogmatically defending has the lowest approval rating in history, it’s time to consider you might be wrong.

Trump’s campaign slogan should have been, “The disaster America needs.”

Failing is practicing, and practicing is succeeding.

No politician is “for women’s rights” as long as it’s illegal for women to take their shirt off.

The more afraid a population is, the more conservative it’ll behave. The more hopeful a population feels, the more progressive it’ll behave.

Should transsexuals be allowed in the military? A politically agnostic veteran’s perspective


“Every man is a creature of the age in which he lives, and few are able to raise themselves above the ideas of the time.”

Doctors and football coaches disagree with the following statement: It is never a good idea to bang your head against anything.

If you don’t read the comments on Trump’s Twitter feed, you should. Hope he does. I couldn’t imagine how it feels to get called out so bad.

The larger the group of people you blame the world’s problems on, the more likely you’re just an intellectually lazy bigot.

Walking in big American cities is dangerous. If the cops don’t get you, the criminals will.

Outline of the plot to Star Wars: A New Hope

If anything should be illegal, charging interest on interest should be right after murder and rape.

Do you think about how many lives you could save with $1million, right before you spend $1million on a car, toy or experience for yourself?

If you can afford a $200 million home, all of your employees better have pensions, or you’re definitely going to Hell after you die.


Every time you try to sound smart, you just sound like you’re trying to sound smart, which smart people know smart people don’t do.

If welfare isn’t working in your country, it doesn’t mean welfare is evil. It means your government’s bureaucracy is broken and needs fixing.

If we can’t redistribute the rich’s wealth to the poor, let’s at least redistribute the taxes poor people pay to services that help them.

If people keep stereotyping you as the worst member of your group, don’t try to fix your accusers. Raise up the broken members of your group.


There’s a time and a place to bitch about the dangers of illegal immigration. In summer, when Jose is landscaping your lawn, is not the time.

If someone says workers should be paid/treated better, it doesn’t mean they’re Communist. Communism and workers rights aren’t mutually exclusive.

Floyd Mayweather vs. Conor McGregor: A cautionary tale 


By expressing yourself, you create yourself.

If you cash a lottery ticket and use the winnings to buy cigarettes in lieu of payment, that’s a metaphor for your level of hope in life.

The people I know who have been depressed the longest, tend to have spent the least amount of time actively engaging themselves in treatment.


If you haven’t worked towards your goal today, then having fun and playing games isn’t rewarding yourself. It’s how you’re failing.

Twitter would work better if you could tag your Tweets with hashtags the same way blogs do, separate from the text. #twitter #tweet #hashtag

Like how businesses do random drug screenings on employees, governments should do random corruption and war crimes screening on politicians.

Since America is jailing people for doing things that hurt them, it should criminalize fanatical patriotism and making excuses for politicians.


Since America is jailing people for doing things that hurt them, they should make it illegal not to learn something new every day.

Social issues can’t be solved if the only people talking about them and offering solutions, are the most radical members of each side.

If you’re enrolled in a liberal arts college and can afford to protest, you’re in the top 10% of most privileged people in the world.

The more worried you are what labels other people use, the more likely you’re too privileged to know the war the rich are waging on the poor.

America needs to mourn the deaths of all those who can’t afford overpriced healthcare as much as they mourn the latest celebrity to die.

You deserve the money you earn, but ask yourself, “How many lives can I save?” You’re evil if you decide to spend it on just pampering yourself.

If Christians got their morals from the Bible, they wouldn’t make excuses to disregard the archaic rules in the Bible they don’t believe.

Radical feminists most likely to angrily demand more empowered female leads in movies, are most likely to play the victim card in real life.


Plot outline of Back to the Future

Plot outline of Star Wars: Return of the Jedi

Plot outline of Jurassic Park

Plot outline of Bladerunner

How bosses are literally like dictators

Billionaires won’t save you and Socialism won’t kill you


“Man is not affected by events, but by the view he takes of them.” Epictetus

The poor need a new economic system more than Bill Gates or Warren Buffet need $70 billion.

Science and religion fill different needs. Science fills the need for hard facts. Religion fills the need for intellectually lazy mythology.

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  • Tweets by The Wise Sloth: #1#2#3, #4

Tweets by The Wise Sloth: Feb 2017-April 2017

  • My entire life I haven’t been waiting to see what problem my president solves next, I’ve been waiting to see what problem he creates next.
  • Watching the Teenage Mutant Ninja turtles growing up, it always confused me that the smartest member of the team wasn’t the leader.
  • Bruce Wayne should have hired 10,000 mercenaries and a wise council to fight evil instead of spending millions on a one-man vigilante fetish
  • “Teaching kids that the Earth is 6k years old is like teaching them that the distance across the United States is 17 feet.” Lawrence Krauss (paraphrased)
  • The more you tell yourself the world is on your shoulders, the more it will feel like it.
  • It might save the world if everyone criticizes three things about their group every time they criticize one thing about another group.
  • If your plan to fight poverty involves making the rich, richer, you don’t understand economics.
  • Moderate Americans and Muslims should strategize to redouble their efforts to educate their extreme members instead of passively enabling them
  • It baffles me how people absorb news and wisdom from around the world on phones, then use the same apps to say technology is tearing us apart.
  • You can tell the size of someone’s weed habit by the size of their grinder.

  • Just once I’d like to hear an American president tell all Americans to not act like victims and throw tantrums when their flaws are exposed.
  • The road to bankruptcy and debt is paved with “opportunities of a lifetime.”
  • America’s education system is so broken, it would be better to go 100% digital and close all brick and mortar schools.
  • The more rules you have to follow that stress you out, the more likely your soldiers and/or politicians must be failing at their job.
  • The more often and intensely you’re afraid of accidentally or unintentionally breaking the law, the more likely you live in a police state.
  • It baffles me that in 2017 there are still people who believe politicians care about what people who haven’t given them money think.
  • If you believe your bank cares about you, you’re wildly mistaken. Their job isn’t to help you get money. Their job is to take your money.
  • We need yard work appreciation day, where he who does all the yard work relaxes while his family experiences his pain for one day each year.
  • Most self-help, motivation and leadership books either teach how to be a more enthusiastic slave or slaver.
  • I want an app that calculates the shortest path and with the least amount of turns to mow your lawn.
  • “Convictions are more dangerous enemies of truth than lies. It’s your convictions that make you vulnerable to lies.”
  • “If the same kind of thing keeps happening to you over and over, it’s probably not other people or random chance.”

  • I love how freedom of religion prevents oppression but hate how much it’s used to justify oppressing those who want to be free from religion
  • I bet most people in North Korea don’t put any stock in the book, “The Secret.”
  • “The most dangerous lie is the one closest to the truth.”
  • If the Easter Bunny were a unicorn, we wouldn’t celebrate Easter, because it would force us to confront the fact that we celebrate mythology
  • You’d think humans would have learned by now, when a politician asks for more power, it’s for their benefit, at your expense.
  • Either all your exes are jerks or nobody wants to stay with a spoiled brat who throws hate-tantrums every time you don’t get what you want.
  • Radical SJWs and feminists need to embrace Abraham Lincoln’s words, “Do I not destroy my enemies when I make them my friends?”
  • Americans need licenses to do anything but go to church. As long as that line isn’t crossed, we accept having to apply/pay for our freedoms.
  • I wish Americans were as concerned with the freedom to buy medicine without a prescription as they are about freedom of religion.
  • It would solve so many problems later in life if schools taught children how to take a hint.
  • “A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at him.”David Brinkley
  • “People who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those who are doing it.” Unknown
  • The attitude you have as a parent is what your kids will learn from more than what you tell them.” Jim Henson
  • The only thing that overcomes hard luck is hard work.” Harry Golden
  • Just once I’d like to hear America’s celebrity doctors say America’s health care system could be fixed by doctors boycotting insurance.

  • You cross a line and do something to your soul when you wear sweat pants to a strip club.
  • You can’t pretend you’re not old anymore after you start meeting kids who are too young to remember the things that defined your childhood.
  • The more you find yourself telling people to give your hero a second chance, the more likely you should give your hero a second look.
  • The more passionately you support any American politician, the more you should doubt your objectivity and double check you’re not wrong.
  • Americans have proven they can’t protest without rioting. It’s about time they try something different.
  • There tends to be an inverse correlation between the amount of time you spend complaining and the amount of time you spend doing something.
  • Just because someone says something you disagree with, that doesn’t mean they’re against you. They may just be for facts, and you’re wrong.
  • “The real problem of humanity … we have Palaeolithic emotions; medieval institutions; and godlike technology.”
  • I wish humanity was as passionate about devoting resources to emigrating off Earth as we are stopping people from immigrating around Earth.
  • “We will not believe more than we know, and we will not live higher than our beliefs.”
  • When Christians say they don’t know or believe the Bible unambiguously approves of slavery, I assume they’re totally Biblically illiterate.
  • It’s baffling how many parents give their children religious books they’ve never read as their primary instruction book on life.
  • It’s baffling how few parents have written instruction books for life to give to their children.
  • Every time you watch a TV commercial, you get dumber.
  • If you still trust American news stations after the 2016 POTUS election, your standards of journalistic ethics are catastrophically low.
  • Wisdom is too important to wait for it to fall into your lap. Not constantly seeking/collecting it is how you stay an idiot your whole life.
  • If you can’t make yourself happy, you will inevitably make your lover miserable.
  • There are two types of rules: 1. Time-tested best practices for accomplishing a goal 2. Bullshit someone made up to control others

  • The longer you complain about being a victim, but have no plan to fix anything, the more likely you just have a delusional victim complex.
  • Give Trump a chance, they said. Every chance he’s had, he proved his worst critics right. How many more chances does he get?
  • America would be a very different place if Trump’s supporters were as critical of him as they were of Obama.
  • Trump bombed Syria for using WMDs. Then he uses a MOAB in Afghanistan, which has never been used because it fits the criteria of a WMD.
  • The quickest way to piss off someone in a cult is to tell them they’re in a cult.
  • Schools should have classes that teach you how/why not to throw tantrums when you don’t get what you want.
  • The easiest way to distract Americans is to make a controversial, heart-wrenching human interest story go viral.
  • A guy getting kicked off an overbooked flight is not the most important thing happening today and not what everyone should be talking about.
  • Aliens would be baffled by how much comedy humans watch on TV while our world is dying from wars, corruption, atrocities, oppression and waste

  • Proving to people you’re right all the time is more likely a symptom of your insecurity and shortsightedness than strength and genius.
  • Politicians and soldiers should be as concerned about protecting us from insurance companies as they are about protecting us from terrorists
  • If politicians could be dishonorably discharged for negligence, bad conduct and crime, all of America’s congress would qualify for one.
  • Just once I’d like to hear a politician advocate setting limits to how many laws a politician can break before being dishonorably discharged
  • “The price of originality is criticism. The value of originality is priceless.”
  • American culture teaches children to question how things have always been done almost as much as it teaches them traditions are sacrosanct.
  • Just once I’d like to hear a politician talk about the need for grocery store reform because the system we got is creating obesity and poverty
  • Masculinity is toxic, said no feminist to their mechanics, plumbers, or soldiers ever.
  • Congressmen/women, who are picked by voters in single states, get to decide laws that affect every other state. Totally defeats the purpose.
  • At least once in my life, I’d like to hear a politician say voters should have the ability to veto politicians out of office by popular vote.
  • The reason cheerleaders exist is to cover up the fact that sports are boring.
  • If massage therapists have to do continuing education to keep their job, so should Congress.
  • My high school history teacher once told my class America was founded by criminals, slaves and religious freaks. It seems nothing has changed.
  • Growing experiences tend to come with growing pains. Accept it. Embrace it. Get on with it.

  • When a woman complains to you about a problem, don’t offer solutions and rationalizations. Just actively listen. All you have to do is wait.
  • Writers have two choices: 1. Write about the most important topics they can. 2. Write things that distract people from more important topics
  • The angrier the poor get at the rich, the more the media tells them to be angry at another group of people.
  • If you believe there’s a liberal conspiracy to destroy America, the problem is you believe anything any fear-peddling shock jock sells you.
  • Knowledge is knowing the right answers. Wisdom is asking the right questions.
  • Rod Serling’s monologs in “The Twilight Zone” tend to make as much sense as The Ultimate Warrior’s monologs in the WWF.

  • Your job is more of an opportunity for your employer than for you.
  • Women, you can’t make your boyfriend or husband better by bitching at him. You can only do that by loving, supporting and building him up.
  • Anyone pissed about white privilege would have their jealousy cured by spending a week living with me in my trailer by the train tracks.
  • The more times you’ve justified beating someone smaller than you, the more likely you’re a god damn ass hole.
  • The more attention you pay to sports, the less important things you learn or act on.
  • Neither God or our ancestors would be proud of how our economy is designed to fuck people harder, the poorer they are.
  • No matter where you live, if you’re proud of being in the majority, you’re probably proud of being a gullible, surface-thinking idiot.
  • If there are an infinite number of universes, then there’s a universe out there somewhere where each of us have had sex with Bill Nye.
  • Some people are confident in social situations because they practice success. Other people are confident because they just don’t give a fuck
  • If you’re hyperactive and can’t stay still, and you don’t have a hobby, you’re leaving money and meaning on the table.
  • If Putin helped Trump win the election, it was probably more to help America fail than to help Trump succeed.
  • I wish the Republican Party would stop putting on pretenses and just change their name to the Fox News Party.
  • When someone asks for forgiveness for something they’re not really sorry for, they’re really asking for permission.
  • Trump could improve his approval rating quicker and easier by solving a few simple real problems than by grandstanding and sideshowing.


  • Today’s excuses become tomorrow’s regrets.
  • How do you create 1 rich person? By creating 10 poor people.
  • I wonder how many homes and gardens could have been built with the money America has spent spying on its citizens.
  • As long as there are for-profit prisons, ticket quotas and a war on drugs, there are no good cops, only accomplices to crime at best.
  • If you contradict everything I say, I’m going to give up trying to talk to you.
  • Despite what their advertisements and website say, anyone who would charge you 30% interest is not your friend.
  • If we protect people from hunger as zealously as we protect them from having their feelings hurt, we’d all love life and probably each other.
  • Elton John’s music would have been more interesting if he was goth.
  • We promote and incentivize women getting in STEM fields for equality, but where’s the push for gender equality in all the most deadly jobs?
  • Luckily, in America, the First Amendment allows you to speak freely about all your other rights the RNC and DNC are constantly taking away.
  • Every month hundreds of millions of Americans celebrate their freedom by living paycheck to paycheck.
  • Life according to conservativism: Blindly defending Democrats = sheep. Blindly defending Republicans = patriot. Not defending either = slacker
  • Just once I wish someone watching reality TV would drop their head in their hands and mumble, “Fuck. I’m what’s wrong with this world.”

  • Every year Americans celebrate their freedom by paying hundreds of dollars to renew their professional licenses that arbitrarily expired.
  • It’s ironic when Muslims say Islam is a religion of peace, since Muslim extremists have killed more Muslims than non-Muslims by magnitudes.
  • The dumber the individual, the dumber the whole. We all have a personal and civic responsibility to not be stupid.
  • The more emotional a news host is, the more likely they’re a shock jock.
  • American presidents are as synonymous with dishonesty as American military recruiters are.
  • Whatever your favorite radio DJ personalities are most excited about, you should not be.
  • For some reason, people hate it when you wear black shoes with a brown belt or visa/versa. It doesn’t make any sense, but be prepared for it
  • The statement, “The more money you have, the better life is,” is more true than the statement, “The more male you are, the better life is.”
  • The statement, “The more money you have, the better life is,” is more true than the statement, “The more white you are, the better life is.”
  • The angrier and more frightened watching the news makes you, the less likely you’re watching real journalistic new reporting.
  • If your plan to make the world better is to kill, incarcerate or deport all the bad guys, you’re probably one of the bad guys.


Tweets by The Wise Sloth: Sept 2016-Feb 2017

Click here to view my first collection of Tweets, or visit my Twitter page.

  • Whenever I fail at something, I imagine myself as a young Babe Ruth striking out.
  • Everyone has hurt someone. So we may as well either preemptively hate everyone or forgive everyone.
  • It defeats the purpose of getting/having/keeping someone in your life if you have to go out of your way to live up to their expectations.
  • Everytime you feel you’ve won an argument, there’s a 50/50 chance you just dogmatically defended your completely wrong self-serving delusion.
  • When you’re ready for meaningful change to happen in the world, stop watching meaningless, petty movies, TV shows and Youtube channels.
  • Just once I’d like to hear an American president address the fact that Americans live in constant fear of their own police force.
  • Instead of having a Republican and Democratic party, how about a Male and Female, or Young and Old, or Employer and Employee, or anything else?
  • White people aren’t the source of the world’s historical or modern systemic problems. Capitalists are. The problem is greed, not race.
  • When I hear people say, “I’m tired of hearing people talk about Trump,” I think, “Not talking about politics is how we ended up with Trump.”
  • Trump had the same effect on Americans talking about politics that J.K. Rowling had on kids reading books.
  • Why don’t liberals like Trump? They’re either biased or they see the same objective reasons the rest of the entire fucking world does.
  • I bet we could reduce the number of panic attacks in America by at least 80% by not requiring everyone to live in almost constant debt.
  • When men don’t get pussy, they turn into werewolves. When women don’t get dick, they turn into banshees.
  • I’m starting to suspect Trump has been on a coke bender since he got elected and hasn’t slept the whole time he’s been in office.
  • Join me on Patreon 
  • With everything wrong in the world today, you’ll explode if you don’t master the art of being mad without feeling mad.
  • Our culture is a patriarchy designed to oppress and degrade women, said no florist on Valentine’s Day ever.
  • Failure = practice.
  • It’s not male politicians holding women’s liberation back. It’s religious politicians.
  • When I hear how much it cost to make a movie, I wonder how many farms and homeless shelters humanity could have built instead.
  • You are not the sum of the way people have treated you.
  • Feminism had me at gender equality but lost me at kill all the white men.
  • Most Americans are more intensly and frequently afraid of seeing an American cop or doctor than a foreign terrorist.
  • Most Americans haven’t been to Europe, Africa or the Middle East, but most of them have been to their local police station.

  • I want my tax dollars to be spent paying a group of writers to write a book titled, “Survival Guide to Life.”
  • Relationships are mazes, not train tracks. There’s no backtracking in a maze. There’s only moving forward with what you’ve learned.
  • Every year on Super Bowl Sunday I celebrate sanity by not watching the Super Bowl.
  • Masturbating is like cooking. You can prepare a fine meal or grab a burger to go. Call me crazy, but I prefer Thanksgiving over fast food.
  • The psychology of why 94 deaths from terrorism are scarier than 301,797 deaths from guns 
  • We should start calling social justice warriors, “The Alt-Left.”
  • If America must spend billions of dollars giving stuff away for free, medical texts books should be near the top of the list.
  • It defeats the purpose of ingesting something if it has zero calories.
  • The Chain of Obedience


  • “Experience has taught me that you only have two options in life:
    1. Kick life in the balls.
    2. Get kicked in the balls by life.”
  • I’m going to start periodically posting “words of the day” that are good to know. Today’s word is,”splinternet.”
  • The simplest and most perfect explanation of privilege I have ever seen
  • Women obsess over men pleasing them emotionally, and men obsess over pleasing women physically. #oops
  • It’s worth noting that, while Trump got sworn in as president, thousands of Americans were reading my blog about how to go down on a girl.
  • My blog, “How to go down on a girl” got 100k views today. If you haven’t read it, you’re missing out.

  • The rich fear bankruptcy more than bullets. If you want to motivate a rich person, then “speak their language.”
  • If only allowing current high school honor students to serve in Congress would seriously make America better, then why not seriously do it?
  • Raising taxes on addictive substances works every time… at making addicts poorer and/or turning to cheaper, more dangerous substitutes.
  • Getting mad at people when you don’t get what you want usually indicates you’re the selfish bad guy, and your enemy is the real victim.
  • Your character is reflected and created by what you talk about. This applies to your social media posts too. Share genius or be foolish.
  • People only argue semantics when they don’t have a real argument.
  • Everyone could eliminate at least half their problems by just shutting their mouth and not bitching and complaining about bullshit.
  • Science is just drawing conclusions from evidence. The only time people hate evidence-ology is when they’re refusing to admit they’re wrong.
  • We have 50 names for sexual orientations, but if you put anyone alone on an island for the rest of their life with anything, they’ll fuck it.
  • Nowadays, every time I drink milk I wonder what percentage of the bouquet of flavors I’ve come to know and love is the taste of udder pus.
  • We’re going to feel real sheepish if it turns out life was never anything more than just a birthday present from God.
  • This is an actual book you can buy on Amazon: President Domald Loch Ness Tromp Pounds America’s Butt
  • If you don’t think happy thoughts when things suck, then life is just pretty much always going to suck.

  • The fastest, easiest, best shortcut to climbing a mountain, still usually involves climbing a mountain.
  • To the extent I’m disappointed in America voting for Trump, I’m proud of them for not voting for Clinton.
  • If you’re going to boycott companies associated with Trump, boycott the RNC and DNC. Don’t keep paying the people who got us here.

  • Would someone please invent a website that exports my Twitter, Reddit, Facebook and Medium feeds into one scrolling wall?
  • Blind faith is more likely to lead you over a cliff than to the promised land.
  • Trump isn’t the problem. He’s a symptom of capitalism. Even if liberal Democrats could “beat” him, capitalism will send us more like him.
  • Instead of using school time to teach kids how to celebrate nonsensical holidays, let’s teach them how to solve problems during that time.
  • Learning how to overcome fear is more important than learning the quadratic equation. Yet schools are more likely to teach the latter.
  • Obama acting nonchalant about the first black president handing over power to a mentally unstable bigot, demonstrates his mastery of lying.
  • Hillary Clinton telling all Americans to just go with Donald Trump’s flow proves she couldn’t care less about the American people.
  • Trumps promises in his acceptance speech would have been more reassuring if he didn’t speak like a confused, semi-literate child.
  • The smile on Hillary Clinton’s face during her concession speech demonstrates her mastery of the art of lying in public with a straight face.
  • Trump’s plan to make America great again may as well have been to start a civil war, because it looks like that’s what he’ll do.
  • If you don’t like America, then leave. Oh, wait. You can’t, because America’s oppressive economy keeps you living paycheck to paycheck.
  • Right now I’m more proud to have a permanent residency visa to New Zealand than I am to be an American citizen.
  • I told friends jokingly I would prefer a Trump presidency over Clinton because he’ll bring a quicker apocalypse. The joke isn’t as funny now America elected a joke for president. Now the joke is on the American people.
  • Nobody who is laughing today will be laughing 4 years from now.
  • I’ve been saying for a year Hillary would win because of corruption. Turns out the system is less corrupt and more stupid than I thought.

  • I suspected Donald Trump was nominated to scare people into voting for Hillary Clinton, but what if it was the other way around?
  • @TheSafestSpace: Cultural appropriation destroys cultures by sharing their best ideas with other cultures…
  • Americans, don’t forget to exercise your right to vote on rigged elections today… if you’re into that sort of thing.
  • I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that life is just a reality TV show that God and angels have been binge-watching on celestial televisions.
  • You can tell an economy is broken if it costs a month’s wages to fulfill annual responsibilities like car repair and dental work.
  • It wouldn’t be so important to “get your shit together” as young as possible, if the system wasn’t designed to set you up for failure.
  • The sentence, “I like my ice crushed, but he likes his cubed,” isn’t interesting at all… unless an identical twin says it.
  • Christianity would benefit from churches paying taxes, because it would reduce con artists’ incentive to open churches and preach bullshit.
  • Life is more about what you are than what you have.
  • You go on vacation to find relief, only to find more of the same extortionate price gouging that was stressing you out in your home town.
  • Corporations won’t let politicians give us election day off. Why should they lose a day of our labor to vote on what they already decided?
  • Election day should be a national holiday almost as much as elections shouldn’t be rigged.
  • I wish Fitbit could make a device that, instead of measuring your heart rate, measures what a entitled, whiney, unrelenting asshole you are.
  • The more non-violent protesters cops arrest, the more they make violence inevitable by proving non-violence is not an option.
  • Soldiers giveth freedom, and police taketh away.
  • Every social justice warrior’s posts on social media are made on devices invented by men, assembled by slaves, bought from capitalists.
  • American style freedom: In New Orleans, you can walk down the street drinking a beer, but can’t buy it without an ID, even if you’re elderly.
  • I bet God dies inside a little every time humans pave over more nature to build more strip malls and suburbs.
  • Americans dress like other cultures on Halloween because consumerism is America’s culture.
  • There’s a fine line between courage and stupidity.
  • Bourbon Street in New Orleans looks like a dream at night. It looks like a broken dream in the day light.
  • Anytime you send food back at a restaurant, assume whatever you get back has spit in it, even if your complaint was valid.
  • Doing things that improve your life = worldly success. Succeeding at the expense of other people’s quality of life = existential failure.
  • Those who entertain the most ideas without evidence see farthest. Those who believe the most ideas without evidence, see shortest.
  • Expect a man to do recurring yard work and nobody bats an eye. Expect a woman to do recurring housework and everybody loses their mind.
  • When you speak angrily to your lover, you may get what you want, but they’ll walk away feeling like your enemy or victim.
  • The dullest pencil has a better memory than the sharpest mind.
  • If any religion has instructions on killing, it’d be foolish to say, “As long as nobody gets hurt, who cares what religion people believe?”
  • The popularity of click-and-wait smart phone games proves if humans don’t have stress in our life, we’ll create it.
  • It really illustrates who the government works for when cops arrest people protesting big businesses siezing and building on their land.
  • Dangerous adults aren’t created when society fails to censor kids from bad ethics, but when society fails to teach kids functional ethics.
  • Demanding that the 1% pay reparations to the poor would be more accurate than demanding white men pay reparations to everyone.
  • I don’t want a white history month, but if we’re going to have a double standard, let’s admit it officially with a white bashing month.

  • Lucky for me, living in the ghetto shelters me from meeting anyone pretentious enough to tell a complete stranger to check their priviledge.
  • This is your brain on religion.
  • Few politicians still support Trump. Less support fixing how/why the candidate selection process is designed to nominate deplorable people.
  • It’s not an election if there are only two choices, both bad, but one so bad it would be insane to vote for them.That’s a bait and switch.
  • American CEOs and investors tend to profit far more than American workers each time America goes to war.
  • Politicians shouldn’t brag about lowering unemployment by creating new minimum wage jobs, because they’re bragging about expanding slavery.
  • If you knew which subcultures distrust/defame cops most, you could surely predict which ones cops are least likely to trust.
  • Radio DJs play commercials and vapid pop music. So their job is to spread intellectual dystopia in the minds of the public. #NotYourFriends
  • Police didn’t invent the stereotype that blacks are dangerous. Black gangsters spread that until it created the need for #BlackLivesMatters.
  • The more breaks you take from life’s problems to watch mindless TV, the more you put off solving the problems hurting you and humanity.
  • Morality police criminalize breaking archaic, harmless taboos in TV but don’t criminalize commercials, which teach harmful irresponsibility.
  • When everything costs $, $ is the means to freedom and empowerment. When businesses extort customers and employees, profits become oppression.
  • Employers and politicians that create poverty, deny people hope and self worth, which is unnatural, unnecessary and a step below murder.
  • News agencies still acting like the presidential election is legitimate and free, and aren’t demanding new candidates, are part of the problem.
  • You rarely hear people who eat right and exercise regularly, complain about chronic fatigue.
  • Exercising makes you sweat. Sweat removes toxins from your body. Not exercising keeps toxins in your body affecting mood, energy and health.

  • It seems convenient that an unpalatable presidential nominee, who is depending on the female vote, is running against a cartoon mysoginist.
  • Everyone loves freedom until you do something they wouldn’t. Then freedom is offensive and frightening.
  • How I Figured Out Christianity is Not Real
  • The more crappy TV you watch, the crappier your thoughts will tend to be.
  • Soldiers protect you from terrorists. Cops protect you from criminals, and Congress protects big business’s profit margins from you.
  • Politicians call people who kill Americans, cowards. If that’s true, it’s more cowardly when they sell corporations the power to write laws.
  • On a long enough time scale, everyone is an immigrant. But in basically every country and culture in the world it’s popular to hate immigrants.
  • Imagine you were given the freedom to vote between a gorilla and the mean cheerleader for senior class president #2016election #notarealvote
  • Hero + need + opportunity + condition + plan + decision.. drives hero to fulfill condition requirements to get that which satisfies the need.
  • Everyone should accept everyone wearing whatever they want. Nobody should accept anyone forcing anyone to wear something they don’t want to.
  • What some people call, “depravity,” other people call, “thinking outside the box.”
  • It’s possible to cope with everything being overpriced, but not when everything gets more overpriced the more of a necessity it is.
  • Unicorns are mentioned 9 times in the Bible. How many times does it need to be before it raises reasonable suspicion the Bible is mythology?
  • Writer’s block is just anxiety and panic attacks. To master the art of getting through writer’s block, Google “steps to overcoming anxiety.”
  • I hope one day I get to see a Broadway show titled, “Poverty: The Musical.”
  • If Facebook has taught us anything, it’s that the first person to make a movie called “Cats VS Babies” is going to make a lot of money.
  • How many redundant studies do we need to reconfirm the known fact that porn doesn’t cause psychological harm before we stop policing it?
  • You might think it says something good about society that we look at more cats on the internet than porn, but I worry about our cat fetish.
  • I loved the Ninja Turtles as a kid. Less after I realized if they came to my house, we’d probably never get the smell of sewer shit out.
  • When I watched the Matrix I was like, robots can build virtual reality biomass battery farms but not a tall pole to put solar panels on?
  • Every time I watch a movie where humans fight aliens, the whole time I’m like, both sides would have died immediately from the other’s germs.
  • Think of humans as wind-up chimps on autopilot who don’t realize they’re on autopilot. Everything everyone does will make much more sense.
  • If equally hurtful when banks fine you for having $0 in your bank account, as it is when loan officers and credit card companies do it.
  • Psychological classical conditioning changes human behavior, which builds neural pathways we pass onto children, conditioning their behavior
  • There’s a legal limit to the amount of rodent and insect parts allowed to be present in food sold in stores where, you know, vegetarians shop.
  • “Just because you’re older doesn’t mean you’re right. More likely it means you’ve been wrong a long time.” Keith Wagner
  • RT @elisadoucette: Drinking game for tonite’s debate is to chug a bottle when it starts and try to mask the reality that we actually let it happen.
  • The prouder you are of the company you work for, the more evidence there is you have Stockholm Syndrome.
  • Every writer should tweet to gain experience condensing sentences to the bare essentials.
  • Suburbia sentences you to perpetual debt, which sentences you to perpetual fear and work, resulting in permanent loss of hope and freedom.
  • Living in suburbia requires you to perpetually buy/replace/repair expensive stuff you must work to pay for. It’s like living in a labor camp.
  • If you’re the only person in the world you care about, then why should anyone care about you? #parasite #karma

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