September 29, 2017

How To Have Sex In the Doggy Style Position

By wise sloth

WHAT IS THE DOGGY STYLE POSITION?

 

The “doggy style” position is, “any sex position in which a person bends over, crouches on all fours (usually on hands and knees), or lies on their stomach, for sexual intercourse.”

 

Line-drawing of a man and woman in the doggy style position: The woman is on her hands and knees, and the man is standing behind her, with his ground against her butt

 

WHEN SHOULD YOU USE THE DOGGY STYLE POSITION?

 

This position is best suited for fast, hard, wild, carefree sex. The penis enters the vagina at an angle that’s comfortable for the woman, and it gives the man a lot of room to thrust, which makes it ideal for fast, hard, wild, carefree sex.

If you begin a sex session with fast, hard sex, you’re likely to hurt your partner, because vaginas need time and stimulation to get wet and loose. It’s best to start in an intimate position like the missionary position and switch to doggy style later.

 

WHAT SHOULD YOU DO BEFORE PENETRATION?

 

Even though the doggy style position can look pretty carnal, you can set a sweet, tantalizing tone using techniques like these:

  • Tell her how beautiful she is, what she means to you and how much she turns you on.
  • Lightly kiss and caress your partner’s erogenous zones such as her pussy, nipples, inner thighs, neck, ass and back.
  • Kneel behind her and pull her torso tight against yours. Then squeeze and caress her body while nibbling her ears and neck and whispering compliments in her ear. Slide your hand down her abdomen and stimulate her clitoris with your finger or a vibrator while slowly pumping your cock inside her.
  • Kneel behind her, then lean her forward, and lean your chest down over her back. Then graze her pussy with your dick while you play with her tits, bite her shoulders and pull her hair.

If you want to set a more BDSM tone, you can use techniques like these:

  • Lightly spank her and/or whip her.
  • Kneel behind her, and pull her hair by grabbing a large tuft as close to the roots as possible (that will make it hurt less). Then grind your crotch into her ass and tell her erotic things about how she deserves to be treated and how you’re going to treat her during sex. If this sounds confusing, have a conversation with your partner over dinner and ask what kind of things they may like to hear during both romantic and submissive sex.
  • Use smooth but forceful and aggressive body movements. Push her body down and pull her into you wildly. Hold onto her hips or shoulders. Squeeze her nipples. Flip her around into other positions and then bring her back to doggy style.
  • Kneel in front of her and lightly face-fuck her.

 

TYPES OF DOGGY STYLE POSITIONS

 

1: Traditional

The basic doggy style position has the girl on her hands and knees. If you start out in this position, don’t be surprised if the girl lays her torso down instead of holding herself up on her arms. Lying halfway down like this is simply more comfortable and doesn’t affect what you’re doing behind her. Whether she’s on her hands or chest, this position works great for pounding sex.

 

2: Froggy Style

Instead of kneeling behind your girl, thrusting your cock straight into her, you can push yourself up into a half-kneeling, half-standing position and lean forward over her back. From this position, your penis will be angled downward. So when you thrust into your partner, your penis could hit her G-spot. This can be very pleasurable for women, but it’s very strenuous on the man’s leg muscles. If you can’t hold this position for long, consider saving it until the last few minutes of sex.

 

3: Woman leaned back

When you’re kneeling behind your woman, and she is on all fours, pull her torso towards your chest so you’re both kneeling. Then slide your penis inside of her vagina. You won’t be able to get your penis in as deep as in the traditional doggy style position. However, if you aim your thrusts low you may be able to hit the G-spot. That could pay off well, but this position is a little awkward for both people to hold, especially the woman who has to hold herself upright while you pound into her from behind/below. This is an intimate way to embrace a woman. So do it enough to show her you care and then let her lay back down where she can relax and focus her mind on the pleasure you’re giving her.

 

4: Standing

Instead of having the woman down on all fours, have her stand up and either lean against the wall or over a desk, couch or counter. This way you can draw on the full power of your legs to fuck your partner as hard as physically possible.

Fucking a girl against the wall is great for impromptu, carefree sex. However, the idea is usually more erotic than the reality. Women tend to want to lean over when being fucked from behind. If they lean too low against the wall and you’re pounding them with all the force your legs can muster, you’re likely to ram their head into the wall. They’ll be more comfortable if you lean them over the back of a couch. That will also have cushions to pad their abdomen. If you lean a girl over a table and ram into them full force, you could bruise their abdomen against the table… unless you put a cushion there.

 

5: Girl on her stomach

Have a girl lay on her stomach with her legs together. Then lie on top of her and enter her vagina from behind. If you want to be intimate, lay your chest flat on her back when your penis is inside her. If you want to give harder thrusts, then kneel over her ass and enter her vagina. Either way, be careful not to enter her anus… unless she’s into that.

If you put a pillow under her hips and lay your chest on her back, then when you thrust downward your penis could hit her G-spot same as in the froggy style. However, where froggy style is the most exhausting variation of doggy style, this is the least physically demanding. If your partner has a cushy butt, this position will feel even better for you. This position feels great for slow, medium or fast sex. It’s also great for irregular speed and hip-swiveling thrusts. You can really get playful in this position. Wrap your arms around your girl, pin her, whisper in her ears, bite her neck and pull her hair. You could even give a girl an erotic back massage while penetrating her. One downside to this position is that you can’t drive your penis as hard or deep as you could in tradition doggy style. Another problem is that it limits how well you can use toys to stimulate the clit. For those reasons, this position is best suited for the beginning or middle of a sexual session, not the grand finale.

 

HOW DO YOU THRUST?

 

Listed below are the pros and cons of each angle.

1: Straight forward

You don’t have to get artistic with your thrusts in the doggy style position. It’s perfectly okay to just pump your hips straight forward. If you want to use a more advanced technique, just pound straight forward harder. You’d be amazed how much women enjoy a good, hard straight forward pounding in the doggy style position. If you want to fixate on your technique, then fixate on your breathing technique so you can hammer away on your partner’s yearning pussy longer.

 

2: Pressing low

You may have to sacrifice some speed and force to do this, but if you thrust in a way that the base of your cock presses against the vaginal canal you can stimulate the G-spot. Combining G-spot stimulation and deep, hard, fast penetration is a recipe for great sex. If the girl stimulates her own clitoris using her fingers or a toy while you fuck her this way, she’ll have a very good chance of having an orgasm.

 

3: Stirring

You can swivel your hips a little to angle your penis to hit the sides of the vaginal canal. However, this doesn’t work as well in the doggy style position as it does in the missionary position. You can do a little of this to be playful at first, but it’ll get boring quickly. As a general rule, don’t try to get too creative in this position. It’s just not suited for it.

 

WHAT SPEED SHOULD YOU THRUST?

 

Listed below are the pros and cons of each thrusting speed.

1: Slow

You should always begin PIV sex slowly to allow your partner’s vagina time to lubricate and expand. While doggy style isn’t a very intimate position to start a sex session in, it does create a perfect angle for the penis to enter the vagina comfortably. So it can be a good position to begin with if tightness is a problem.

However, slow doggy style sex tends to get boring quickly since there’s so little interaction between the two people. So if you’re going to have slow doggy style sex, make up for the lack of intimacy by telling your partner sexy things and by groping them as much as you can.

Another way to make slow doggy style more exciting is by thrusting harder (assuming the vagina is already loose enough for hard penetration). Using slow, hard thrusts in conjunction with pulling a woman’s hair and telling her how hard she deserves/needs/will be fucked will make a woman feel safe, overpowered and eager for more all at the same time.

 

2: Medium

You can rarely go wrong with a good medium pace in any position. It feels good. It lasts longer than fast sex, and it builds stronger orgasms. Once you get a rhythmic, medium pace going for a while you’ll eventually want to take it up a notch. Instead of taking it up a notch by thrusting faster, try staying at a medium pace while thrusting harder. This gives your partner’s vagina more stimulation without numbing it from rapid friction.

 

3: Fast

Doggy style can be fun at any pace, but the position lends itself best to hard, fast sex for obvious reasons. As mentioned earlier, the vagina is angled perfectly to be penetrated by the penis, which means the penis can enter the vagina comfortably for the woman. It also means that the penis can penetrate the vagina as deeply as possible. At the same time, you can thrust into her as hard and fast as your body is capable while also holding onto her hips and pulling her into you as hard as you can. The physical intensity of fast, hard doggy style sex accentuates the erotic nature of the woman’s exposed, trusting position. Those two factors combined add up to great sex. And on those occasions when a girl doesn’t care about the context of sex and just wants to get fucked until she can’t remember her burdens, this position will allow you to give her that experience.

 

WHAT KIND OF SEX TOYS CAN YOU USE IN THE DOGGY STYLE POSITION?

 

1: Restraints

The doggy style position already puts the woman in an exposed position. The erotic nature of offering her body to you can be accentuated by tying her hands together or to something in front of her (like the headboard). You can also tie her feet together, but unless you’re getting really kinky, don’t tie her hands to her feet or she won’t be able to move at all. You can also put a blindfold or mouth gag on her.

Restraining a woman when she’s already exposed and helpless increases the trust she places in her partner, which increases the intimacy and meaning of the experience. And on the occasions when she wants to be fucked without regard for social etiquette, the restraints add an extra layer of delicious naughtiness.

 

2: Buttplug

If your woman wants to experiment with anal play for the first time, you should have PIV sex in the doggy style position while inserting a butt plug in her ass. This way she can experience a pleasurable deep vaginal fucking while experiencing anal penetration for the first time. She doesn’t have to see, touch or help put the butt plug in. So even though she’s already consented to it happening, it’s out of sight and out of mind until it happens. Anal beads work well also.

 

3: Clitoral stimulator

Most women can’t have an orgasm by PIV sex alone. They need clitoral stimulation. The three things that stimulate the clitoris best are tongues, fingers, and mechanical clitoral stimulators. Anytime you can use one of these to stimulate the clit during PIV sex you’re setting the stage for a female orgasm.

It would be impractical for the man to reach around his partner during doggy style sex to stimulate her clitoris with his fingers or a toy. The exception is when the woman is leaning back, but that’s an awkward position to hold for a long time, and you won’t be able to thrust very hard since you’ll have to control what your hand is doing in front of/below your partner. However, the woman can use one hand (if she’s on all fours) or both hands (if her torso is lying flat on the bed) to stimulate her own clitoris. If she’s willing to do this she can have mind-blowing clitoral stimulation and deep, fast pounding PIV sex at the same time. If she’s using a butt plug as well, she stands to have an orgasm that could take days to recover from.

 

WHEN SHOULD YOU SPANK A GIRL’S BUTT?

 

Inevitably, you’ll be tempted to spank a woman’s upturned, bare ass before or during sex. Here’s what you need to know about that. Most girls enjoy a little spanking as long as it’s in the right context. The physical act of spanking is exciting and pleasurable, but the most erotic aspect of spanking is the trust exercise between the giver and the receiver. The idea is that the receiver can trust you to administer small doses of pain without causing too much pain or disregard for their feelings. You create that context by kindly caressing her ass, and showing her you care about her. Then spank her lightly, caress, spank, caress, repeat. Give her a few spanks, and if she responds well, spank her a little more. If she doesn’t seem to be getting much out of it, move on. Always finish a spanking session with kind caressing, and the more pain you inflict on your partner, the more aftercare you should give her.

You may be apprehensive about spanking a woman. You might be worried she’s not that kinky, and you’re not cool enough to administer a spanking without looking corny. The only time that’s likely to happen is if you’re you start a sex session in the doggy style position with a nervous woman you’ve never slept with before, and you spank her weakly and awkwardly. The safest time to administer a spanking is after you’re halfway through a sex session, and you’re both really hot, excited and losing control. Once a woman is already into having her body rocked, then one or two confident smacks in the ass can accentuate the submissive nature of the doggy style position. It will stimulate her body and communicate to her that she’s being fucked by a wild, confident man who she can trust to the point of allowing him to administer light amounts of pain to her safely. That’s sexy.

 

 

SHOULD YOU GO DOWN ON A GIRL IN THE DOGGY STYLE POSITION?

 

Most women find it difficult to have an orgasm while kneeling on all-fours because they’re too distracted by the chore of balancing on all fours to focus on their orgasm. It’s not impossible, but it’s much, much easier for them to have an orgasm while they’re laying on their back relaxing. A little cunnilingus always feels good, but don’t linger at in in the doggy style position. Stimulate her and move on to the pounding she’s waiting for.

 

If you enjoyed this post, you’ll also like these:

 

Sex positions and techniques
General Sex Advice
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Relationship Advice
Philosophy of Sexuality
Friendship
My Tweets About Romance

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September 29, 2017

How To Be Bad At Sex: 17 Common Misconceptions and Mistakes To Avoid

By wise sloth

1: Contribute very little during sex.

Good sex isn’t something one person does to another. When one person does all the work, they’re just using the other person’s body as a masturbation device. That can be fun sometimes, but it becomes unfulfilling very quickly. Good sex is like tango. It’s a dance between two people who read each other’s body language and work in tandem to express and explore a shared emotional experience.

Good lovers use everything they’ve got to engage their partner fully. Bad lovers don’t instigate sex, and when they allow sex to happen, they lay there like a sack of potatoes and grunt like a lazy cat when their partner tries to instigate a new position. Nobody wants to have sex with a groaning sack of cat potatoes.

 

Picture of a burlap sack full of potatoes that all have meowing cat faces

 

2: Contribute very little outside of sex.

Bad lovers think of sex as beginning when an orifice is penetrated. Good lovers think of sex as everything that happens after clothes start coming off. Great lovers think of sex as the total sum of their relationship with their partner.

Every interaction you have with your partner at any point in time is a chance for you to give or deny them pleasure. Every compliment, every gift, every touch, every look is just as important as what happens during physical sex. If you can give your partner an orgasm every time you have sex, but you withhold affection the rest of the time, that makes you bad at sex.

 

3: Always be in control.

There’s a lot to be said for taking charge and knowing what you’re doing. Your sexual skills may be world class, and your partner may love to be dominated, but there’s something valuable lost in perpetual one-sided sex. You don’t get to experience the fullness of the other person, and they don’t get to experience giving their self to you. Again, you may both agree that you’re good at what you do, but in the bigger picture, you’re only half good at what you do.

 

4: Withhold sex.

I said earlier, what you do outside the bedroom to pleasure your partner is just as important as what happens inside the bedroom. Well, what happens in the bedroom is important. Making love to your lover is the most intimate way you can express your love to them. By cutting off sex, you’re cutting off love.

You may have a perfectly good excuse for not wanting to have sex. You may have had a traumatic experience in your past, or a lifetime of not being loved has left you hollow, but if the obstacle is mental, and you claim to love your partner, then go see a therapist. If you can’t express your love through sex then express your love through getting help and mending the scars that are keeping you apart.

If you have a medical issue that prevents you from having sex with your partner, get as close to sex as you can without putting yourself at risk of danger. As long as the shared emotional experience is there, you’ve succeeded at sex.

But people who simply withhold sex because they have an agenda are terrible at sex, love and domestic partnership.

 

5: Don’t create ambiance.

Sex is more than just the penetration of an orifice. Sex is a total mind/body experience. Every touch, every word, every intention, every detail is part of the experience… including the physical environment.

A bad lover leaves dirty clothes lying all over the room and never changes the sheets. A good lover keeps the house clean, lights scented candles and wears nice underwear. A great lover takes their partner to a bed and breakfast in the mountains with a private outdoor hot tub, two bottles of champagne and a basket of strawberries.

 

6: Don’t get your partner in the mood

Men typically don’t take much inspiration to get in the mood to have sex, but women’s bodies need to be primed to crave more stimulation. Quickies are great every once in a while, but the less often you put in the effort to get her in the mood, the more rushed and obligatory sex with you will feel.

 

 

7: Don’t pay attention to your partner.

In order to please your partner sexually, you need to find out what they want and then give it to them. That sounds simple enough, but every single human has different sexual preferences and needs. Each individual has different wants and needs at different times. They even change over the course of a single sexual session, and no two sessions are exactly the same. So if you want to pleasure your partner, it’s imperative that you pay attention to them. Watch them until you can predict what they want before they even want it. Then fuck them like you can read their mind. Then you’ll be a great lover.

 

8: Don’t communicate during sex.

You don’t have to be able to read your partner’s mind to know what they want. You can just ask them right there in the moment during sex. It doesn’t have to be awkward. You can ask in a sexy tone of voice, and even if your execution isn’t perfect, nobody is going to resent you for asking what they want and then giving it to them.

Likewise, you don’t have to wait for your partner to ask you what you want. If you want something, you can just open your mouth and say it. Your partner is already trying to please you. The easier you make their job, the happier they’ll be. You’d be surprised what you can get if you just ask.

There’s more to talk about during sex than just instructions and directions. See, everybody is born lost and lonely. We’re all just trying to make the most out of the brief time we have in this cold, savage world. Everybody yearns to be loved, wanted, appreciated, comforted, valued, and maybe even worshiped a little. We all want to know we matter, and sex gives us that positive feedback we so rarely get from the outside world. Sex without words is music without a song. You don’t have to spout poetry though. Just speak from the heart, and simply tell your partner a few of the wonderful compliments they’ve been waiting since childhood to hear.

Words are just one way to communicate. You can also use moans, shouts, groans and body language. Use your eyes, lips, hips, and fingertips to communicate your passion for your partner. When they do something right, let them know by moaning and writhing. Then you won’t have to have as many instructional conversations during sex.

 

9: Don’t communicate about sex outside of sex.

Your partner will appreciate you asking for their input during sex, but nobody wants to play “20 questions” every time they have sex. You can speed up the process of learning your partner’s likes and dislikes by asking them at the dinner table for example. Pro Tip: It may help to get a bottle of wine in them to loosen their tongue before asking them to confess their naughty fantasies. Even without alcohol, you can learn things about your partner you would never have guessed in a thousand years simply by asking them. Then, you can come to bed prepared to rock your partner’s world.

It’s like the old saying goes, “Proper preparation prevents poor performance.”

 

10: Be impatient and judgemental.

Sex is a celebration of two people’s lives. It’s a distilled embodiment of everything good in reality. You’ll never give or receive the best sex possible if you measure the value of another human being by what they can do for you because what you’re doing isn’t even sex. You’re just feeding on a host.

Even without getting philosophical about what “real sex” is, you’re going to degrade the quality of sex by being impatient and judgmental simply because you’re going to frustrate, embarrass, and discourage your partner with your negativity. That’s going to put them in a bad place mentally, which will degrade the quality of their sexual performance. If you had just not been whiny, and taken the time to compliment and coax them and build them up instead of tearing them down, they would have pounced on you like a berserk sex lion and shook you all night long like AC/DC instead of stuttering through the rest of your sex session like Charlie Brown.

 

11: Don’t do foreplay.

Sometimes you don’t have time for foreplay. Sometimes you and your partner are just so horny you can’t wait another minute for penetration. Rushed sex has its time and place. However, if you almost never engage in foreplay before sex, you’re not making the most out of sex for several reasons.

First, it generally takes a woman at least 10 minutes of erotic stimulation for her vagina to moisten, relax and stretch enough to be prepared for comfortable, rewarding penetrative sex. Let that sink in, men. 10 minutes is the bare minimum. If you rarely spend more than 10 minutes on foreplay, you’re rarely a good lover.

Another reason to spend more time on foreplay is because the longer both men and women are sexually stimulated, the more intense their orgasms will be. And foreplay feels really good physically. There’s no sense in passing that up. But more importantly, foreplay is an emotionally bonding experience. Skipping foreplay isn’t skipping a chore. It’s skipping an opportunity to experience the fullness of each other’s being.

 

 

12: Don’t do oral.

If you think oral sex is nasty, you’re naïve and selfish. You’re also a hypocrite if you think that statement is judgmental. You’re the one who judged your lover’s body to be so vile and worthless that you refuse to kiss it.

Your partner’s body isn’t nasty. Your partner is a miracle inside and out. Only a very small handful of people in all of eternity will ever get to know them intimately or see them naked. Of all the people in the world they could choose to expose themselves completely to, they chose you… and you returned the honor by recoiling in disgust!?

Your partner deserves someone they can celebrate their body with fully and freely. The tragic irony is, by choosing not to fully experience your partner, you’re missing out on all the incredible joys that come from giving and receiving oral sex (of which, physical pleasure is only one of).

 

13: Don’t do anal.

Being hesitant to do anal doesn’t make you a prude. There are legitimate concerns when it comes to anal sex, but allow me to illustrate the bigger picture through the use of a metaphor:

Two couples go to a carnival together. They approach a giant Ferris wheel. One couple wants to ride it, but the other couple is scared of falling off and doesn’t think the seats would be comfortable. The first couple goes on the ride and has the time of their life. After the ride is over they tell their friends how great the experience was. The friends brush them off saying, “If you liked it, that’s fine. It’s just not for us. We don’t have any interest in doing that sort of thing. We’re just not that kind of people.” The first couple drops the issue and respects their friend’s right to not be interested in having fun because they’re just not adventurous people.

I’m not saying you’re a bad person if you won’t take a dick in the ass. But if you won’t even consider a finger during oral or a butt plug during sex, you’re almost going out of your way not to have fun.

 

14: Don’t use sex toys.

The same metaphor I used for anal applies to using toys. However, anal sex involves feces and can be painful when done incorrectly. Most sex toys are no more dangerous or spiritually unnatural than a coffee mug.

Men need to understand that no woman is ever going to leave a man for a vibrator that’s bigger than his penis. No toy is ever going to replace a flesh and blood human who can hold, love, care for and impress a woman. Toys aren’t a threat. They’re an opportunity to achieve better orgasms with less physical effort. No woman is going to roll over after a sex session using toys and say, “The toy was better than you.” They’re going to roll over and say, “What we just did together was great.”

I’m just saying, work smarter not harder. And, the fewer ways you make your lover orgasm, the less you’ve done for your lover.

 

 

15: Be unhealthy.

Sex with an Olympic athlete is going to be better than sex with an Ebola patient. I say that without disrespect or judgment towards the Ebola patient. This is a stoic fact. Sex is literally calisthenics. The better shape your body is in, the better you can do calisthenics.

We can’t all be Olympic athletes, but what we can do, we should, and let’s be honest, are you really doing everything you can to be in as good of shape for your partner as possible? If not, you’re not doing everything you can to be the best lover you can be.

 

16: Don’t practice safe sex.

It doesn’t matter how good you are at sex if, after each session, you put a bullet in a revolver, spin the chamber, point the barrel at your partner’s head and pull the trigger. Nothing will alter the course of a person’s life quicker and more totally than an STD or an unplanned pregnancy. Putting someone at risk for either of those fates is the most disrespectful thing you can do to them. If you don’t practice safe sex, you automatically lose your good lover card.

 

17: Always do the same thing.

If you only ever have sex in the missionary position in the same place at the same time at the same speed every time you have sex, you are most definitely not fulfilling your potential. Even if you and your partner have been together long enough to know exactly what the other person likes best, if you only have sex in your favorite positions, they’ll eventually become as boring as your favorite pop song that got overplayed on the radio. Even the sweetest, most sensual, romantic, loving sex will get old and stale if it’s the only kind of sex you ever have.

Don’t be afraid of having sex in positions that aren’t you’re favorite. Have sex in different positions, locations, times, durations, speeds, and tones. You can always revert back to the old faithful techniques to get you off at the end of a sex session. In the meantime, taste all the flavors of the rainbow. People who have experienced 100 different pleasures will probably die happier than people who have experienced 5 pleasures. And couples who have had sex in 100 different situations, have experienced their partner 100 different ways. Couples who have only had sex 5 different ways… haven’t experienced much of each other.

Variety is the spice of life. Good lovers are spicy. Bad lovers are vanilla.

 

 

If you enjoyed this post, you’ll also like these:

 

Sex positions and techniques
General Sex Advice
Dating Advice
Relationship Advice
Philosophy of Sexuality
Friendship
My Tweets About Romance

Leave a comment   |  tags: , , , , , | posted in Sex Positions and Techniques

September 29, 2017

How To Have Anal Sex: A Beginner’s Guide

By wise sloth

“Anal sex or anal intercourse is generally the insertion and thrusting of the erect penis into a person’s anus, or anus and rectum, for sexual pleasure. Other forms of anal sex include fingering, the use of sex toys for anal penetration, oral sex performed on the anus (anilingus), and pegging. Although the term anal sex most commonly means penile-anal penetration, sources sometimes use the term anal intercourse to refer exclusively to penile-anal penetration, and anal sex to refer to any form of anal sexual activity, especially between pairings as opposed to anal masturbation.”

Note: Since anal sex is gender-neutral, this blog will refer to the person doing the penetration as “The Top,” and the person being penetrated will be referred to as “The Bottom.”

 

WHAT SHOULD YOU DO TO PREPARE FOR ANAL SEX?

 

 

Step 1: Communicate.

The first step towards having virgin anal sex with your partner is to talk to them about it. Never pressure anyone into doing anything they don’t want to. Just express your interest, and explain the benefits and the process. Create a plan and agree on your boundaries. The better they understand what they’re getting into, the fewer misconceptions they’ll have holding them back.

 

Step 2: Acclimate The Bottom’s mind and body.

If you don’t loosen the anus before penetration then you run a high risk of tearing the tissue. So you’ll want to loosen it with some light stretching before you penetrate it with your penis or strap-on. It’s a good idea to begin the process a few days before you do the real deed. Not only will this prepare the tissue for preparation, but it also acclimates your partner’s mind. It’s a natural reflex for the body to tense up when the anus is penetrated, and if you try to force your way through you increase your risk of tearing tissue. If The Bottom is already used to being penetrated, they’ll be more relaxed and more able to safely and enjoyably receive deeper penetration.

You’ll definitely want to loosen the anus immediately before penetration every time. You can use a finger for this, but if either of you has anxieties about poop, this could be a turn-off. You could wear a medical glove to keep from getting your fingers dirty, but some people may find still find that awkward. Also, many people have latex allergies. So you may want to use a non-latex glove just to be safe.

Your other option is to use a sex toy. There are a dizzying number of sex toys on the market. The most important thing you need to remember when picking an anal sex toy is that the anus tends to pucker when penetrated, which can suck toys into the anus resulting in an embarrassing trip to the E.R. to have it removed.

There are anal pros who will tell you that you can safely use vibrators and dildos for anal play, but most X-Ray technicians would advise you to only use toys that are designed not to get lost. The safest, simplest toy is a butt plug with a wide base. An added bonus to using a butt plug is that you can insert it and leave it there while you make out or have oral or PIV sex prior to anal penetration. Both partners can also wear a butt plug so that The Bottom doesn’t feel like the experience is one-sided. Not only is that a fair compromise, but it’s actually a great opportunity for both people because hey, anal penetration is fun.

Wearing a butt plug can give a man a higher-level orgasm, but he can get an even higher-level orgasm by having a vibrating prostate stimulator inserted in his anus. Again, make sure you use one with a wide base. If you give a man a blowjob while probing his anus with a vibrating prostate stimulator, he’ll have a mind-blowing orgasm, and it’ll be a great bonding/equalizing experience for both of you.

Whatever you stick into an anus, it’s absolutely vital to lubricate both the object and the anus first. You’ll want to use 5-10 times the amount of lube as you would use to lubricate a vagina. When in doubt, err on the side of caution. Nothing bad is going to happen from using too much lube, but you can easily create a worst-case scenario by using too little.

When lubricating the anus, the thing to remember is that, unlike the vagina, the anus doesn’t produce its own internal lubricant. So if you apply a generous amount of lube to the opening and the object, then stick it in, the object will slide in easily for an inch or so, but the lube will quickly rub off on the sides of the anal cavity, and then the dry object will hit dry tissue and tear it. So you want to lube the hole and the object, penetrate the anus a little bit. Then re-lube the opening and the object and penetrate it again. Then do that again. Keep in constant communication with your partner to determine how many times you have to repeat the process, and be prepared to re-apply even more lube at any time during anal play.

Not everyone wears a condom for anal sex, but until you’re in a long-term monogamous relationship with someone, you should, because it prevents the risk of STDs and UTIs. It defeats the purpose of having fun if it’s going to make you sick.

If you’re worried about poop, you can take a laxative or get an enema earlier in the day to clean out your colon prior to having your anus penetrated. Beware though, if you take laxatives or receive enemas too often, your body will become dependent on them, and then your life is going get a lot harder. The simplest thing you can do to keep your colon clean, is to eat plenty of fiber like Shredded Wheat. Just don’t eat too much fiber or you’ll get constipated.

 

Step 3: Lube up the anus.

There are tons of options available for anal lube. If you’re looking for the best anal lube for you and your partner, check review sites like Lubricant Reviews to see all of the options available. A good anal lube will usually be thicker than your standard lube and some of these products include a desensitizing agent that help numb the sphincter. Because of this numbing agent, you MUST be careful how fast you proceed in case your partner is not fully aware of any issues with unintentional tearing.

 

ANAL SEX POSITIONS

 

There’s no one right or best position for anal sex. They all have their pros and cons. The question is which position you and your partner most comfortable with and what mood you’re trying to set. Here’s a list of the pros/cons of the basic positions to help you figure out what’s best for you and your partner:

 

1: Normal doggy style

Of all the sex positions, doggy style is the most synonymous with anal sex for one good reason: It angles the anus perfectly to slide an object in comfortably (though other positions can be just as comfortable). It also allows The Bottom to play with their genitals while being pleasured from behind.

The downside of doggy style is that it’s the least intimate position. So if you’re doing anal for the first time, you might want to start in the doggy style position for a few minutes and then switch to a different position in which there’s no chance of The Bottom feeling like they’re being used as an impersonal fuck toy. Having said that, you should revisit the doggy style position when you’re both ready for hard, wild, uninhibited anal sex,

 

2: Laying on the stomach

Have The Bottom lay flat on their stomach (possibly with a pillow under their hips), and have The Top mount them. This is more relaxing for The Bottom than doggy style, it provides a good angle for penetration, and it allows The Top to hug and kiss The Bottom thus making anal sex a more intimate full body experience. The only problem is it’s difficult for The Bottom to pleasure themselves.

 

3: Spooning

Spooning gives you just as good of an angle for penetration as the previous two positions, and it allows for more intimacy. Plus, it gives The Bottom plenty of room to pleasure themselves with their hands or toys. The Top can even reach around and pleasure The Bottom’s genitals. This way, The Bottom isn’t just someone that anal sex is happening to, they’re the center of attention, and they have a good chance of having an orgasm (as long as their genitals are being stimulated while their anus is being penetrated).

 

4: Missionary

The missionary position is arguably the most intimate sexual position. It gives both partners the most room to kiss and use all their body parts to express their passion. If you put a pillow under The Bottom’s hips, they can be comfortably penetrated.  The Bottom has the freedom to relax on their back completely or take control of the speed and force of the thrusts. Both partners also have room to pleasure The Bottom’s genitals with their hands or toys. If your goal is to make your first anal sex session as romantic as possible, you may want to use the missionary position.

 

5: Cowgirl

The cowgirl position gives The Bottom more control over the speed and force of thrusts than any other position. So if you’re nervous about anal being too intense and damaging your bodily tissue, this might be a good position to start in. If The Top lays flat on their back, they may not get the intimacy they’re looking for. But if The Top sits on a chair or couch and has The Bottom straddle them while they’re sitting upright, then both partners can experience lots of intimacy, and if The Bottom is a female, she can rub her clit against The Top’s abdomen and possibly get an orgasm. If your main concern is that anal sex is as physically pleasurable for both partners, you might want to use this position.

 

6: Reverse Cowgirl

Everything I just said about the cowgirl position applies to the reverse cowgirl position. The two biggest differences are that if The Bottom is a female, she can’t rub her clit against The Top’s abdomen. However, if The Top is sitting upright, he/she can easily reach around and pleasure The Bottom’s genitals using hands or toys. So more than any other position, this gives a female Bottom the most potential to be the center of attention.

 

ANAL SEX SPEEDS

 

If you or your partner are nervous about anal sex, talk with each other about what speed/s you’re going to use ahead of time. The more everyone understands what they’re getting into, the less reason anyone will have to be anxious.

 

1: Slow

You definitely want to start out an anal sex session very slowly to give The Bottom’s mind and body time to acclimate. If it’s their first time, you might not even want to ever build up to medium or fast speeds. There’s nothing wrong with penetrating The Bottom and then holding your penis or strapon inside them without ever thrusting at all. This way you can use all your time together to focus on pleasuring The Bottom’s genitals while they’re statically/passively penetrated from behind. This will give them a safe, pleasurable, intimate experience that could wet their appetite for more vigorous anal play later on instead of shocking them and scaring them away from experimenting with anal in the future. Another option is to statically/passively penetrate them for a few minutes and then work your way up to slow, fluid pumps and stick with that pace for the rest of the session. This can make for a nice, soothing introduction to anal sex.

 

2: Medium

You always want to start an anal sex session with slow thrusts for the safety of The Bottom. However, if you only ever have slow anal sex, both partners will probably get bored eventually. It’s hard to go wrong with a nice, even medium pace. It allows both partners to feel what’s going on, and it’s probably not going to hurt anyone. Just make sure that your movements are fluid and everyone should have a good time.

 

3: Fast

For the safety of The Bottom, don’t start with fast thrusts. Start slow, then speed up to a medium pace. Stick with that for a little while, and then rev up your speed. Check with your partner first to see if they want you to be that aggressive, and make sure their anus still has plenty of lubrication. Fast anal sex can be great as long as everyone and everything is ready for it.

 

IS IT MORAL TO HAVE ANAL SEX?

 

I’ve never heard a logical, coherent argument for why anal sex is immoral. Sure, it involves poop and the butt, but life involves poop and butts. Poop and butts is a mundane non-issue. There’s no reason for it to be a taboo. It’s just there. Actually, it’s better than just there. It’s a gift. It’s an opportunity for intimacy with the ones we care about. There is only good in that. If we’re not here to live and love, then what the hell are we doing here? I can’t, don’t and won’t believe that we’re here to fear and loathe any part of our bodies. I believe we’re here to live and love, and anal sex is one way of doing that.

Having said that, anal sex is not a moral imperative either. There’s no logical reason why anal abstinence would make you a bad person. Your prerogative is your choice, and your choice is your right. You do your thing and don’t let anyone pressure you into doing something you’re not comfortable with.

 

If you enjoyed this post, you’ll also like these:

 

Sex positions and techniques
General Sex Advice
Dating Advice
Relationship Advice
Philosophy of Sexuality
Friendship
My Tweets About Romance

Leave a comment   |  tags: , , , , , | posted in Sex Positions and Techniques

September 29, 2017

Advice On Sexual Domination And Submission

By wise sloth

Photo of a sexy woman wearing a thick, leather collar around her neck

 

There’s no one right position, technique, speed, duration or tone to have sex. Even if there were one combination of movements that your partner likes best, they’ll get bored of you doing the same thing every time. Being a good sexual partner requires you to understand all the variations of sex and cycle through them.

Sometimes women want to be treated like a princess in bed. Sometimes they want you to communicate how much she means to you by doing things like scattering rose petals on the bed, lighting candles and kissing her softly. She wants you to woo her by undressing her slowly then laying her down softly and making sweet, gentle, tantalizing, intimate, romantic love to her. All of these things will make her feel wanted, understood, cared for and safe. However, if that’s the only way you ever make love to your woman then you don’t understand her, and you’re not satisfying all her needs. Ironically, your good intentions are likely boring her and leaving her unfulfilled.

Most women crave harder, rougher sex every once in a while. This extends to more than just thrusting harder. They want their man to take charge and dominate her. They want to blur the lines of consensuality and submit to an overwhelming and uncontrollable force.

This can be difficult for sexually inexperienced men to understand. Society trains boys to grow up into gentlemen who treat women with respect and reverence, which is good. Furthermore, you should know from your own experiences that if you step over a woman’s personal boundaries in public she won’t hesitate to snap at you and call you a creep or worse. You could even be expelled, fired or arrested for sexual harassment just for talking about sex in front of a woman. If all the women in your life act like high class, prim, sophisticated, modest ladies, you may assume that they want to be treated with the same degree of light-handedness in bed, but that’s not always the case.

If you read any book on the psychology of women’s sexuality, which you should, you may be surprised to learn that most women have rape fantasies. This doesn’t mean that women want to be raped. In fact, many women don’t realize how common rape fantasies are, and they feel profound shame for having these guilty fantasies… yet their imagination keeps returning to that dark place.

Men aren’t any different. 99% of men masturbate, and I would hazard to say that most men with an internet connection will watch internet porn eventually. If you watch enough internet porn, it’s only a matter of time before you masturbate to some scenario that you might not do in real life such as cuckolding, infidelity, gangbangs, bukkake, dubious consent, hardcore BDSM, homosexuality, incest, public sex, glory holes, teen anal, GILF, etc. Hopefully, you don’t feel guilty about that, because it’s okay. Your imagination is a safe place to act out your biological carnal urges. Having exaggerated sexual fantasies isn’t a sign of immorality or weakness. It’s a sign that you’re human. Instead of repressing and loathing these thoughts, we should understand and learn from them.

Women shouldn’t fear and resent men’s sexual fantasies. They should learn from them that men crave variety and excitement. If they want to please a man sexually they should cater to his needs within reason. Men can learn the same lesson from women’s fantasies.

 

 

You don’t have to get psychoanalytical to understand why women would want to be dominated in bed every once in a while. It’s different. It’s exciting. It’s carefree fun. It’s a thrilling, overwhelming sensation that tows the line between safety and danger similar to skydiving or riding a motorcycle. Even men can have a great time letting their guard down and being dominated now and again.

Having said that, you can also find psychological roots for this desire, and all of them are completely natural. Everyone has a psychological need for structure and security. Deep down we all want to be controlled by an authority figure. It makes us feel safe. It takes the burden of responsibility away from us, which feels euphoric. In this way, allowing someone to dominate you doesn’t feel threatening or belittling. Quite the opposite, it feels reassuring and comforting to know that you can trust your lover to take you to the brink of danger without going over the line.

When done correctly, domination won’t make a woman feel disrespected. It will actually make her respect you more because it demonstrates that you’re man enough to take control and exert your will. If you never exert any dominance in bed you run the risk of looking like an insecure wimp in her eyes.

At the same time, when a woman allows herself to be sexually dominated she’s actually exercising control. On the surface, it might look like the dom is controlling the sub, but the sub can stop the sexual encounter at any time. The dom only gets to act in control because the sub lets him. It’s like controlling a raging bull with a remote control. That can be a very empowering experience. It’s similarly empowering for the sub to know that the reason her dom is being wild and ravenous is because she turns him on that much. His sexual appetite is an indicator of how desirable she is. That’s flattering.

On the other hand, sometimes women get weary of acting prim, proper and modest in public all the time. After acting in control for the public for so long they just want to throw their modesty to the wind and indulge in care free ravishing submission. Sometimes they just want to be lazy in bed. Men should be able to understand that. Sometimes men just want to lay on their backs and let the woman do all the work too. We should all get to enjoy that on a regular basis.

For these reasons and more it’s important for men to be dominant in bed sometimes. I can’t tell you how often or how intense that should be. You need to communicate with your partner to understand what she wants.

You might not be comfortable dominating your woman because you’re insecure or just not into that kind of thing. I’m sorry, but you’re going to have to step up to the plate. Imagine if your woman told you, “I’m just not into giving blowjobs, or being on top. So you’re just going to have to live with neither of those things ever happening.” That would be selfish and insensitive, and eventually, you might start looking for a woman who wants to pleasure you in the ways that are important to you. Sex is a give and take. Sometimes you have to do things that aren’t your favorite because it’s important to your lover, and she’s important to you. It’s not going to kill you. Quite the opposite, she’s going to reciprocate the pleasure to you when it’s your turn.

At this point, I may have convinced you to experiment with sexual domination, but you’re still not sure what exactly that entails. The first thing you need to do is ask your partner what she wants. She has likely already been having specific fantasies that she wants you to enact. She’s the only person who can tell you what she wants. You should also read a few books on BDSM for beginners. There are hundreds to choose from. You may as well learn from the masters.

Being sexually dominant isn’t just something you do in bed. Depending on how far you and are your partner are willing to take it, you can make a lifestyle around being a dominant alpha male and/or a dedicated sub.  There are hundreds of books and forums covering this topic as well, and they’re worth looking into even if you’re not going to fully swallow the red pill.

For now I’ll give you an easy way to begin talking to your partner about domination and determine what level she wants. Sit down together with this list and discuss how far she wants you to go and how often:

 

Level 1: Light

Domination can be as simple as holding and kissing your woman firmly during sex. You can also press her against the wall, take her clothes off commandingly or tell her what you want her to do during sex. You can also blindfold your woman or restrain her hands behind her back. That takes a little control away from her and adds a higher level of eroticism to sex. All of these techniques demonstrate strength without being offensive.

 

Level 2: Medium

You can turn the heat up another notch by instigating sex more abruptly. Take her clothes off more forcefully. Manhandle her a little more in bed. Spank her ass and grip her tightly. Flip her over into successive sex positions confidently. Use sex positions that put her in a more submissive position like doggy style or the folding deck chair. Thrust harder and talk dirty to her. Pull her hair firmly, but make sure you hold a large tuft of hair close to the roots so it doesn’t hurt. Place your hand around her throat like you’re choking her, but don’t apply any pressure. Just having your hand there is enough to create the impression of dominance without risk of hurting her.

 

Level 3: Hard

Be more vocal about what you want her to do and how you want her to do it. Administer light spanking if she doesn’t follow your orders precisely. Use spanking toys like whips, crops, and paddles. Use other toys like nipple clamps, and gags. Have her be completely naked while you still have most of your clothes on to tip the power dynamics in your favor. Be forceful enough with your thrusting and manhandling that the issue of using a safe word becomes relevant. You can pick your own safe word, but one option that eliminates all confusion is to use “green,” “yellow,” and “red” for “go,” “proceed with caution,” and “stop.” If/when you choke her, apply a little pressure, but read a few articles about the proper way to choke. You’re not crushing the windpipe. You’re applying light pressure to the arteries on the side of the neck. Have your woman dress submissively and spend time both in and out of bed serving you as her master.

 

Level 4: Professional

If you’ve never practiced domination in the bedroom then you shouldn’t begin your journey into BDSM at the most intense level. It’s only logical that you work your way up to using advanced toys and techniques. At this level, you definitely want to have read a few BDSM books and have gone to some fetish parties or clubs, which you should be able to find on the internet.

When done correctly any level of BDSM is empowering, loving and exciting for everyone involved. If you don’t think you’d be into even the lightest BDSM then you probably don’t understand what it is. It’s not a deviant taboo that only wicked perverts do. It’s for everyone. It’s not a line that you cross into sexual perversion. It’s an opportunity for you and your lover to explore each other mentally, physically and emotionally. It’s a natural way to have fun and bond.

It doesn’t cost anything to talk to your lover about spicing up your sex your life a little. You may be surprised to discover that your lover has been waiting to have that conversation with you.

 

If you enjoyed this post, you’ll also like these:

 

Sex positions and techniques
General Sex Advice
Dating Advice
Relationship Advice
Philosophy of Sexuality
Friendship
My Tweets About Romance

 

Leave a comment   |  tags: , , , , , , , , | posted in Sex Positions and Techniques

September 29, 2017

My Long Theory On Gender Labels and Sexual Morality

By wise sloth

If an American turned on their television in the 1950’s, they’d see women cooking and cleaning the house, and men going to work in business suits. Boys played with toy guns, and girls played with dolls. There were only two choices for sex and gender, but it wasn’t really a choice because the genitals you were born with determined how society expected you to behave.  If you were born with a penis, you acted like Ward Clever, and if you were born with a vagina, you acted like June Clever.

 

 

In the 1950’s, American television culture was so prudish, sitcoms weren’t allowed to show married heterosexual couples in the same bed.  So husbands and wives were always portrayed sleeping in separate twin-sized beds, fully clothed. When the children who grew up watching “Leave it to Beaver” became adults, they considered the sitcom, “Three’s Company” obscene, because it showed a single man living with two single females. To the old-timers’ dismay, “Three’s Company” was popular enough with the younger generation to last eight seasons.

 

 

In 2004, the Baby Boomers who grew up on “Three’s Company” considered “The L Word” obscene because it showed promiscuous lesbians living together and getting married. The only reason “The L Word” was allowed on television at all, was because it aired on late night cable, far from the impressionable eyes of children.

It didn’t take another twenty years for society to accept the next jump in which sexual norms are allowed to be shown on television. In less than a decade, the bonds of tradition loosened to the point that NBC (a family oriented channel) produced, “The New Normal,” a sitcom in which two gay men hire a woman to be a surrogate mother for their child.

 

 

If that wasn’t enough to give Baby Boomers heart attacks, they also had to come to terms with shows like “Ru Paul’s Drag Race” and “Keeping up with the Kardashians,” in which transsexuals openly demand to be celebrated. To the old-timers’ dismay, both of those shows are so popular with young people, they’ve already lasted more seasons than “Three’s Company.”

 

 

In the history of mankind, society has never changed this fast. The reason this is happening now is because technology is spreading information to people, who are learning more, faster than ever. Radio and TV were unprecedented, but the invention of the internet sped up communication exponentially, and its pace is still compounding. If things are changing so fast right now your head is spinning, it’s going to have spun completely off your body in twenty years because this whirlwind of change is only going to get faster.

Sexual orientation and gender norms have always been debated, but the conversation has never been this polarized or violent. The reason the national dialogue on sex and gender isn’t as calm as it was in the 1990’s is because we’re all in uncharted territory. The young, progressive liberals leading the charge are as lost as the elderly conservative curmudgeons who are holding onto tradition. Moderates in the middle are wondering who is less wrong.

For example, you used to be considered a liberal progressive if you believed in women’s right to work or homosexuals’ right to marry, but if the progressive social justice warriors get their way in 2017, when you fill out a job application that asks your gender, it will have to include 50-80 different types of gender pronouns your coworkers will have to address you by, according to your choice.

 

New proposed gender nouns to replace "he and she:" fae, ey, he, per, she, they, ve, xe, zie, faer, em, him, per, her, them, ver, xem, hir, eir, his, pers, her, their, vis, xyr, eirs, pers, hers, theirs, vis, xyrs, hirs, eirself, himself, perself, herself, themself, verself, xemself, hirself"

Don’t ask me to explain this chart. I don’t know.

 

To some of America’s social justice warriors, those pronouns aren’t enough to accurately label everyone. So they invented a chart explaining how sex and gender are part of a spectrum, which children can use to determine the nature of their gender and sexuality. Every American agrees freedom of choice is a good thing, but even moderate liberals laugh and cringe at The Gender Unicorn.

 

The Gender Unicorn identity chart has five spectrums: Gender Identity, Gender Expression, Sex Assigned at Birth, Physically Attracted to, Emotionally Attracted to"

 

There actually is a degree of truth to the fluidity of sex and gender, but it’s more nuanced than social justice warriors or Christians are ready to admit. For starters, the traditional way of thinking about sex and gender is that there are only two possibilities. You’re either a boy with a penis or a girl with a vagina. Life isn’t that simple. Sex organs are determined by chromosomes. If you have an XY chromosome, you’ll be born with a penis and all the hormones that make you think and act masculine. If you have  XX chromosomes, you’ll be born with a vagina and all the chromosomes that make you think and act feminine.

However, people are often born with a mismatched combination of chromosomes like XXY, XXXY, or just X. These genetic codes create mixed signals within people’s body. Some combinations will cause someone to have the body of one sex, but the mental wiring of the other.  This makes them feel like they’re living in the wrong body, and no amount of will-power or philosophizing is going to change that. In these cases, getting a sex change is a drastic, but legitimate, choice.

Some conservatives argue this saying, “You may have the choice to cut your dick off, but how is that not insane?” Well, insanity is defined as “a pattern of mental or behavioral patterns that may be abnormal to social norms and definitely causes someone to be a danger to themselves or others.”

Chopping your dick off is definitely abnormal. It’s probably not going to cause you to harm other people, but the suicide rate among transsexuals is above average. So technically, being a transsexual fits the definition of insanity, but so does autism and ADHD. Down syndrome and neurofibromatosis are caused by abnormal chromosomes. So if you’re going to hate transsexuals for being born with a more difficult genetic makeup to manage than the average person, then you need to hate almost everybody.

Some transsexuals don’t have abnormal chromosomes, but their life experiences convinced them to seek a new identity. For example, I once met a man who got a sex change and lived as a woman. He was molested repeatedly by his father as a child, and he told me that at one point when he was being raped, it was like a switch went off in his head. He remembered thinking, “Daddy has sex with mommy, and daddy is having sex with me. So I must be a mommy.” The rest of his life was a downward spiral into confusion and self-destructive behavior. Technically, this person’s thoughts and behavior fit the definition of insanity, but if you’re going to hate him for that, you’re not trying to understand anything, and you’re one of the bad guys.  Even if he made the wrong decision, that doesn’t mean he deserves to be hated.

On a lighter note, I once met a teenage girl who identified as a man, but she spent her evenings shopping for shoes on her smartphone and doing everything girls do, including dating guys. She got swept up in the social movement for sexual equality before she was old enough to understand genetics and found a niche that gave her an identity even though it didn’t truly fit her. She’ll undoubtedly grow out of it like I grew out of my heavy metal phase.Does this make her an insane piece of shit who deserves to be spat on? No. She’s just a naive kid trying to find herself, like the rest of us.

Her story doesn’t change the fact that there are more than two types of chromosome patterns humans can be born with. Transsexuals are real. If you can’t accept that, then you don’t believe in reality, which fits the definition of insanity. At the same time though, you don’t get to decide you’re a real transsexual just because it’s trendy.

If the poser transsexual I mentioned above wants to wear pants instead of dresses and get a job instead of raising children, her decision is amoral, not immoral. Scottish men wear kilts. Arab men wear a long, flowing garb called a thawb, which looks dress-like to Westerners. Different cultures all over the world, and throughout history, have assigned different gender roles to men and women, including how they dress, act and work.

These kind of gender differences are social constructs that we have social pressure to follow but no moral obligation. Anyone can dress however they want. Clothing patterns are a non-issue. If you believe you have a divine duty to enforce your parents’ dress code on everyone else, you’re intellectually lazy at best, and insane at worst.

Granted, telling a preschooler they get to choose how to define their sexuality and gender role for the rest of their life is setting them up for failure. If you tell a five-year-old boy he can be whatever he wants, he’s more likely to choose to be a dinosaur than a girl.

Kids don’t know what the hell is going on, and this is all the more reason we shouldn’t encourage girls to wear dresses and play with Barbies, and boys to wear pants and play with action figures. We’re indoctrinating kids with gender roles that wouldn’t matter if they were broken. In the cosmic scale of things, the clothes you wear don’t matter. They’re useful, but it’s unnecessary to force people to wear clothes that fit your fleeting cultural upbringing.

 

 

Another unnecessary social construct is the idea that everyone under the age of eighteen is going to be traumatized by seeing genitals. No other animal on the planet gets worked up over seeing genitals, and children who grow up in nudist colonies don’t leave traumatized. Their curse is having to live the rest of their lives wondering why everyone else is so uptight.

The solution to whether or not trans men should be allowed to use women’s bathrooms is to remove all gender segregation and let men and women piss, shit and shower together. This sounds outrageous if you’ve never experienced it, but that’s not because it’s crazy. It’s because you’ve been indoctrinated with your society’s cultural norms. If everyone walked around naked together, like in the shower scene in “Starship Troopers,” we would all just get on with our lives and not worry about other people’s bodies.

At some point, someone may get raped by sharing bathrooms, but I sincerely believe there will be fewer rapes overall because society’s sexual frustration level will be lower across the board. If we’re going to segregate the sexes and force people to hide their skin, then we can’t condemn cultures that force women to cover their entire bodies. They’re doing the same thing as you. They’ve just taken your moderate style of oppression and ran with it to its inevitable conclusion.

Who you choose to have sex with is just as much of a non-issue as what clothes you wear or who sees your genitals. Sexual attraction is partly determined by hormones and partly by choice. Either way, if you get stranded on a deserted island for the rest of your life, eventually, you’re going to fuck whatever is there, even if your only companion is a sheep.

 

 

It’s an understatement to say everyone is bi-sexual. Humans are omni-sexual. The most accurate way to define humans isn’t heterosexual or homosexual. We’re all just fuck-bots. When you remove the social pressure to only have one type of sex, people will fuck just about anything. This isn’t immoral. It’s amoral. It doesn’t matter where you stick your dick, what you stick inside of you, or what orifice you stick it in… as long as nobody gets hurt or is forced to do something against their will.

Everyone over the age of thirty has thought, even just for a second, about fucking something that isn’t a member of the opposite sex. Most of us have fucked our hand or a toy, but we don’t have a special name for that because we don’t care. Imagine if we told people that if you ever think about having sex with a pocket pussy, it makes you a latex-ophile, which is how you must have been born and thus how you have to identify yourself and behave.

There are undoubtedly millions of men and women who had a passing thought that they might like to have intercourse with someone of their own sex. But because society says only gay people think about that, people often assume their one-off fantasy must mean they’re gay and therefore have to wear rainbow flags and act flamboyant. If we’d all grown up believing humans are just horny fuck bots and it doesn’t matter how you achieve orgasm, we’d all get on with our lives and not end up basing our personality on our sexual fantasies.

I’m not saying it’s wrong to identify as gay. Some people have the right cocktail of hormones that predispose them to want to have gay sex. However, they’re not going to burst into flames if they decide to have heterosexual intercourse. So all I’m saying is it’s unnecessary to force people into conforming to a social group that fits their fantasies. Many militant homosexuals and heterosexuals alike are guilty of forcing this dichotomy on others.

In conclusion, progressives are correct that there are more than two choices for how to live. However, forcing people to pick one of eighty labels, and then demonizing people who don’t, is oppressive in exactly the same way as forcing people to pick between one of two labels and demonizing those who don’t fit your expectations. The left has become guilty of enforcing too many labels, and the right has been guilty of enforcing too few. The solution is to get rid of the need for any labels by not giving a fuck about other people.

Most people who read this probably won’t agree with half of what I’ve said, but I believe history will vindicate me. I believe the future will look like Star Trek, where everyone wears gender neutral onesies because people will have stopped worrying about socially constructed gender differences. There will also be men who wear dresses and women who wear combat boots. Everyone will be showering with each other and having casual sex. The world won’t end. Life will go on, and everyone will get more of what they want.

Most people alive today will be glad they won’t live to see the new world because they can’t let go of their traditions, which are based on archaic and intellectually lazy labels for sex and gender. If it’s any consolation, your children won’t have to pick their gender identity on a unicorn chart, and adults won’t have to pick between eighty different labels when they fill out employment applications because nobody will care enough to make that distinction.

 

If you enjoyed this post, you’ll also like these:

Sex positions and techniques
General Sex Advice
Dating Advice
Relationship Advice
Philosophy of Sexuality
Friendship
My Tweets About Romance

Leave a comment   |  tags: , , , , , , , , | posted in Philosophy of Sexuality

September 28, 2017

How To Perform Foreplay

By wise sloth

WHAT IS FOREPLAY?

 

The dictionary defines foreplay as,

“erotic stimulation preceding sexual intercourse.”

Wikipedia defines foreplay as,

“a set of emotionally and physically intimate acts between two or more people meant to create sexual arousal and desire for sexual activity.”

Urban dictionary defines foreplay as,

“touching/kissing/licking each other in a stimulating manner, in order to become ‘turned on’ before having actual sex.”

 

Etching of a Reneissance-era man and woman laying in a field, kissing and touching each other

 

Basically, these definitions say foreplay is stuff that happens before sex, but they don’t say what to do, how to do it, or why. To answer those questions, you have to understand a little about how the human body works.

Humans are basically brains connected to a mobile stimulation detector. The reality you experience is the sum product of a bowl full of chemicals in your skull. If you change the chemical composition in your brain bowl by adding a new chemical like L.S.D., you’ll change how you experience reality.

Every time your body experiences sensory stimulation, it changes the chemicals in your brain, which changes how you feel and what you want to do. When you get hurt, your brain produces endorphins that try to numb you. When you’re scared, it secretes adrenaline that sends you into a fight-or-flight panic. When you’re touched softly, it releases cortisol, which makes you relax. When you have sex, it produces oxytocin, which makes you feel high.

The more sexual stimulation your body experiences, the more sexual chemicals your brain releases. You have an orgasm when your chemical composition reaches a tipping point.

If foreplay is getting ready for sex, and people are bowls of chemicals attached to stimulation detectors, then my definition of foreplay is, “stimulating a person’s senses to produce the brain chemicals most conducive to sexual pleasure leading to orgasm.”

 

HOW LONG SHOULD FOREPLAY LAST?

 

Redundant studies have found it takes men 1-11 minutes of sexual sensory stimulation to prime their body chemistry enough to give them an erection and be able to orgasm. It takes 10-20 minutes of stimulation for women’s bodies to complete the hormonal changes necessary to relax/moisten their vagina and get them sex-drunk on oxytocin.

Everyone’s biology is a little different, but apparently, 10-20 minutes is a good amount of time to fool around before penetration. The consequence of not putting in the time is, you won’t have as strong of an orgasm as possible. If both partners are fine with this, and they just want to have sex and get to a quick boom at the end, that’s fine.

The more time you spend stimulating each other’s senses and minds, the stronger your orgasms will be. There’s an art to delayed sexual gratification. It’s called edging and/or tantric sex. Having nuclear orgasms is ideal when you have time to prepare them, but it’s not always necessary or practical to put that much time and effort into foreplay.

If you’re a high achiever, then aim for 30-40 minutes tops, but also consider how much chafing and boredom can happen in that time. 15-30 minutes is a much safer time frame.

However, mental and emotional foreplay can last all day though. If you stimulate your partner’s brain with positive words, sounds, smells, tastes, images, and physical stimulation throughout the day, you’ll pump sexual chemicals into their brain. So their arousal level will be higher than zero when you first touch them.

 

HOW DO YOU PERFORM FOREPLAY?

During foreplay, you should stimulate your partner with sights, sounds, smells, and tastes. Common sense can tell you how to do that. Wear nice underwear, light some scented candles, turn on some mood music, and brush your teeth. What you might be having trouble understanding is, what to do with your body? Here’s a list of options:

1: Ask your partner what they want you to do

Everyone is different. What worked best for your last partner might not work at all on your next. The most consistently successful lovers aren’t the best at reading minds. They’re the best at asking their partners what they want.

If neither of you knows what you like, then experiment with different techniques, modalities, and fetishes. Afterwards, talk about what you did and didn’t like about them. This will help you discover each others’ passions and create new ones together. That will keep your sex life burning bright, but you won’t get anywhere if you don’t communicate.

 

 

2: Make out and dry hump for twenty minutes

If you have no idea what to do during foreplay, you’re overthinking it. You need to stimulate your partner’s skin so their brain will produce sexual chemicals and increase blood flow to their genitals. All you have to do to accomplish that is make out and rub their genitals for a while. It may not be creative, but it’s intimate, and it gets the job done.

There’s no single right speed or intensity. The more you use your best technique, the more boring it will get. Alternate between being romantic and ravishing. All that matters is you’re in sync. So read your partner’s vibe, and go with the flow.

 

 

This advice applies to taking each other’s clothes off as well. How do you know if you should take your clothes off, or let them undress you? Should you undress them, or do you undress each other? Does one person go first, or do you do it together? Do you do it slowly or aggressively? Do whatever the situation calls for. If you need help, then turn on some sexy music, and move your body with the tempo, like you’re dancing. If it’s slow music, go slowly. If it’s fast, be rougher. Don’t think. Just go with the flow and do what you feel.

 

 

3: Give your partner a full body erotic massage

The most effective way to prep your partner’s body for sex, is to give them a full body erotic massage. If you caress their entire body, you’ll stimulate all their nerve endings, and it’ll take at least twenty minutes. That covers everything you need to warm up their sexual engine to cruising speed.

You don’t have to be a massage expert to give a good sensual massage. Just use soft, flowing, rhythmic movements, and glide your hands all over their body. You don’t need to impress your partner’s mind with fancy techniques. You just need to stimulate all their nerve endings.

My one suggestion would be to not focus too much on stimulating their genitals. Brush by them every once and a while, but don’t focus on them. Waiting and teasing will result in delayed gratification. It’ll make your partner want you to get to the sex, and the more they think about it, the more their body will respond by producing those sexual chemicals and increasing blood flow to their genitals.

There are tons of books, sites, and videos on the internet about the art of sensual, erotic, tantric massages. The more you teach yourself, the more confident you’ll feel when giving a massage. Then your partner will feel your confidence through your touch.

Particularly in women’s brain chemistry, safety equals sexy. When a man demonstrates he’s confident having sex with her, then her body will feel more comfortable having sex with him and send messages to her vagina to relax and get wet. If a man demonstrates insecurity and awkwardness leading up to sex, then her nerve endings report that to her brain, which may respond by chemically inducing feelings of insecurity in her, which can cause her body to shut down sexually to the point it won’t allow her vagina to get wet. So do your homework. Proper preparation prevents poor performance.

 

4: Caress each other

In foreplay, you need to stimulate your partner’s skin, but you don’t need a full body massage. You don’t even need to take your clothes off. Just reach your hand over, touch them, and move your hand around softly. You can caress them lightly, tracing your fingers up and down their body. Or you can hold and squeeze them. If you focus on impressing them with technical proficiency, then your touch is going to feel mechanical, impersonal, and self-indulgent. Your partner doesn’t want to be impressed by your technical skills. They want to feel needed. So touch them in a way that communicates desire.

If you want to spice things up a little more, you can caress them with something that feels good to the touch, like a feather tickler or rose. You can take this to the next level by caressing them with ice or drip melted wax on them. If that’s too intense or scary, find something that’s silky smooth. Then put it in the freezer or the microwave long enough to make it tantalizingly cool or warm.

 

 

5: Practice tantric sex

If/when you want to have foreplay that lasts a really long time, you can use tantric sex. There are lots of instructional books and websites. You should read, share and discuss them with your partner. It’s ironic so much has been said about tantric sex, because the point of it is you don’t do anything. Just sit in the yab yum position, and nuzzle your partner for an insanely long time.

 

 

6: Buy a sex game

If you constantly worry that you’re doing foreplay wrong, then try not being in control. Instead, buy a sex game that tells you what to do by picking cards, spinning wheels or rolling dice. This way, you don’t have to make any decisions. You’ll both have fun. Plus you’ll be able to practice foreplay techniques and learn what your partner likes.

 

 

7: Watch a sexy and/or scary movie

Watching a movie about a person accomplishing a goal stimulates the same regions of your brain as experiencing real-world success. In the same way, watching a sexy movie stimulates the sexual regions of your brain.

Since movies last longer than twenty minutes, you know your partner’s brain will have a lot of time to pump their veins full of sex hormones. If you caress each other and make out a little during the movie, you’ll accomplish everything you’re supposed to during foreplay. At that point, you can jump straight into sex, or pick another technique from this list to do for a while. If you’re both already pretty warmed up, you don’t have to worry about foreplay lasting a whole twenty minutes.

It might seem counter-intuitive to watch a scary movie to get someone in the mood, but there’s a logical reason why it can help you get laid. When you experience fear, your body produces adrenaline, which heightens your senses and makes you feel the need to fight or flight. You get a big rush of motivation to do something to release the tension. Your brain’s reaction to fear is to find safety and protection. If you hold your partner in your arms while they’re scared, their body chemistry will naturally respond to the fear by associating you with protection and comfort. That will make them feel good inside, and their body will want more of that positive feedback, which will make them want more of your touch.

This doesn’t always work, and it’s guaranteed to fail if you watch something gross and disturbing like “The Human Centipede.” For the best chances of success, pick a show that’s sexy and scary, like a slutty vampire flick.

 

 

8: Practice BDSM

If watching scary movies makes your brain produce adrenaline that can be rolled over into sexual excitation, then it stands to reason that you can accomplish the same effect by scaring your partner in real life. There’s an art form to BDSM that takes years to master, and you shouldn’t attempt it without reading several instructional books, websites and watching videos. You can start by reading my blog, “Advice to men on sexual domination and submissiveness.” If you really want to jump into the world of BDSM, then make a profile on fetlife.com and talk to some real aficionados.

 

 

The idea behind BDSM, is that one person pretends to be domineering, and the other pretends to be submissive. The “Dom” tells the “Sub” to do things like, “Take off your clothes.” “Kneel.” “Touch yourself.” “Touch me.” etc. When the Sub does something they’re not supposed to, the Dom punishes them with light amounts of pain by spanking, whipping, pinning, pushing, choking, scratching, burning, etc.

The point isn’t to be cruel. It’s to build trust. You begin by caressing the part of their body where you’re going to inflict pain. Then you administer a very tiny amount, followed by caressing the same spot. You alternate stimulating emotions of fear and comfort, which opens Pandora’s box of sexual chemistry. Then, after the BDSM session is over, you engage in aftercare, which means you snuggle lovingly for as long as it takes to confirm the Sub is with a Dom who truly cares about them and isn’t just a selfish, sadistic jerk.

 

 

9: Oral sex

You don’t need to have oral sex every time you have foreplay, and you don’t need to bring your partner to climax every time you go down on them. When should you do it, and for how long? There’s no wrong answer. Just do whatever feels good.

Having said that, there are some guidelines to consider. First, oral sex is one of the fastest ways to stimulate blood flow to your partner’s genitals. So it might seem like a good place to start, but that’s like starting a car engine and then slamming the gas pedal to the floor. This would be effective when you know you don’t have a lot of time and want to get to the sex quickly, but oral sex is most pleasurable when your sex organ is already throbbing with passion, particularly for women.

During the first 1-10 minutes of foreplay, a blowjob is a great way to rev up a man’s engine, and for women who enjoy giving head, it warms them up as well. Once a man is fired up, he’s not going to lose his momentum if you switch to something less stimulating.

For women, the best way to prime their body for orgasm is to start your foreplay session soft and slow, then build up speed and intensity to a crescendo without ever losing momentum. If you start fast and heavy, then slow down and speed up, over and over again, then she’ll ride a wave of hormones towards orgasm, then lose it and have to build it back up again. The more times she has to start over, the more frustrated she’ll become until her body just gives up. So, you might not want to play your strongest hand first.

It’s typically not a good idea to fellate a man all the way to orgasm before sex because he’ll need to take a break for at least five minutes before he can get hard again, if at all. With women, it depends on her mood. Sometimes she’d rather get her orgasm first, so she can sit back and enjoy sex without having to wonder if she’ll get an orgasm today. Other times, they prefer saving the orgasm until during or after sex, so it releases all the tension from foreplay and fucking at once. The best way to know which kind of orgasm she wants is to ask. Though, guys wouldn’t have to, if girls would just tell men what they want.

 

PIcture of Willy Wonka smiling sarcastically and saying, "Oh, your boyfriend doesn't know how to make you cum. Tell me more about why you didn't just say what you want, but it's still his fault you didn't get it?"

 

For a basic foreplay session, try making out and caressing each other for 10-15 minutes, then go down on each other. You can do it one at a time, or in the 69 position. Sometimes foreplay should be about both people pleasing each other, but it’s also good to take turns making it all about your partner. When you’re having a worshiping session, go down on your partner and then proceed to the sex without expecting anything in return.

For more information on oral sex, read these two blogs:

How to go down on a girl

How to go down on a guy

 

10: Manual genital stimulation

Handjobs and fingering follow slightly different rules. Penises usually aren’t overly sensitive when they’re flaccid. So it’s okay to begin foreplay by stroking his cock. It’s a fast and effective way to get him in the mood and stoke his desire for you.

Before a woman has been properly aroused for at least ten minutes, her vagina will probably be sensitive, dry and tight. So if the first thing you do in a foreplay session is cram a bunch of fingers inside her, you’re going to hurt her and trigger her body’s defense mechanisms.

Fingering a woman after she’s been warmed up, is a good way to loosen her up a little bit more and make her body want deeper penetration. There are women out there with fingering fetishes, who enjoy getting finger banged for 5-10 minutes straight. Most often, when women are turned on and yearning for penetration, she’s hungry for cock. Fingering is just teasing, which is erotic but only in small doses. If you’re a virgin and don’t know anything about vaginas, don’t finger bang them at all. You’ll probably do more damage than good.

When fingering a woman, start slow, and penetrate her deeper gradually. Don’t push in until she’s wet enough for your finger to slip in fluidly. Virgins who assume all women love big cocks, also assume the more fingers you can cram in a vagina, the better it will feel. There are some girls who like getting fisted, but 99 times out of 100, women would rather you just use one, or two fingers at most.

A vagina is a sex organ, and the best way to stimulate a sex organ is to massage the part with the most nerve endings. On a woman, that’s the clit, which is outside the vagina. So you should be stimulating that with your tongue, a toy or your other hand, while you’re fingering her.

On the surface, the clitoris looks like a tiny nub, but it extends inside the woman’s body another inch or so, right above the roof of the vaginal canal. If you push up on the roof, you can stimulate the clitoris from the inside. This area is known as the G-spot. Every girl likes their clit internally massaged differently. Ask her, and experiment, but understand that less is usually more. The simplest way to hit the G-spot is to stick your finger all the way in, press it against the roof, and draw it all the way out, slowly. This will guarantee you hit as much of it as possible. Just keep doing that rhythmically, and it will have a positive effect.

 

11: Self-stimulation

Instead of stimulating each other, you and your partner can watch each other stimulate yourselves. It may seem awkward and embarrassing at first glance, but that’s exactly why you should do it. You get to see a side of each other most people won’t. You get to share yourself laid bare, while simultaneously experiencing the rush of voyeurism.

Your partner knows you feel vulnerable. That’s part of what makes masturbating in front of them so hot. It shows courage and trust. Plus, seeing you experience pleasure stimulates the same regions of their brain as when they experience pleasure. You’re basically mind-fucking them, and they love it. Best of all, it shows them how you like to be pleasured.

 

If you enjoyed this post, you’ll also like these:

 

Sex positions and techniques
General Sex Advice
Dating Advice
Relationship Advice
Philosophy of Sexuality
Friendship
My Tweets About Romance

Leave a comment   |  tags: , , , , , , | posted in Sex Positions and Techniques

September 28, 2017

How To Go Down On A Guy

By wise sloth

(Safe for work) photo of a girl giving a man a blowjob

 

Note: Every guy is a little different, and they have their own likes/dislikes. If you want to know how to please your man, ask him. If he doesn’t know what he likes or you don’t want to ask, this guide is a good starting point.

Step 1: The Build Up

You don’t have to wine and dine a guy to get him in the mood to enjoy a blowjob. Men’s lust might turn on and off like a light switch, but human sex organs aren’t light switches. They need to be stimulated and aroused. The longer and harder you stimulate them the more powerful of an orgasm they’ll produce. You can begin stimulating the sex hormones in your man’s body long before you put his cock in your mouth. Here are a few ways to do that:

1: Sext him throughout the day and tell him erotic things.

2: Send him sexy pictures of you.

3: Be naked or wear sexy lingerie around him.

4: Do a sexy dance for him and give him a lap dance.

5: Practice edging on him over the course of a few hours.

6: Caress his cock throughout the day.

7: Straddle him naked and massage his cock with your vagina.

 

Step 2: The Approach

There are a lot of positions you can go down on a guy in, and they all have their time and their place. The simplest, most reliable position is to have him lie on his back or sit in a chair and you position yourself on your stomach or knees between his legs. However, know that this position will get monotonous for both of you if that’s the only position you ever give him a blowjob from.

There’s no single right way to instigate a blowjob. You can undress your man and kiss your way down to his groin or just unzip his pants and take his cock out. Don’t over-think your approach. You don’t have to kiss and caress every inch of his body or put a ton of work into erotically maneuvering your way between his legs. Chances are your man isn’t over-thinking what you’re doing. He’s probably just thinking, “Yes! I’m going to get a blowjob!”

 

Step 3: The Meet and Greet

When you first put your mouth on his cock, don’t go straight into a mechanical rocking motion. Spend 1-3 minutes caressing the entire length of his cock sensually with your hands, lips, and tongue. It’s not important exactly what you do, as long as what you’re doing is fluid and sensual. You’re just making him feel comfortable and tantalizing him, prepping him for what’s to come. The point is to use this time to express your passion subjectively through your dancing touch for at least 1-3 minutes.

One thing you should strongly consider doing during this time is fondling his balls with your hands and/or tongue. It’s an easy, simple, efficient and effective way to directly stimulate a man’s sex organs, and if you want your man to cum, you need to stimulate his sex organs, because that’s how men cum… by having their sex organs stimulated.

 

Meme of Sterling Archer saying, "Do you want your man to orgasm? Because that's how you make him orgasm"

 

Ladies, think of your man’s balls as sort of like your labia. If a guy goes down on you without caressing and licking your labia at all, you can still have an orgasm if he works your clit the right way, but it would have been a more fulfilling experience if he would have given your labia a little attention somewhere in there. Guys’ balls are the same way.

 

Step 4: Getting Down to Business

The meet and greet stage is warm and cozy, and it serves a legitimate purpose in building a man up to orgasm, but it will probably take a long, long time to bring your man to orgasm by only using random licks and puckers. The same is true when giving cunnilingus to a girl. There quickly comes a point where you need to get down to the mechanical business of directly stimulating the most sensitive part/s of your partner’s sex organs with repetitive motions in order to rock them to orgasm.

The most sensitive part of a man’s penis is the head. Of that, the most sensitive part is the base/rim of the head closest to the shaft. To stimulate it, curl your lips into your mouth so they cover your teeth and put your mouth over the head of the penis. Press your mouth down over the penis and move your head up and down over the base of the head. Covering your teeth with your lips will give you a soft surface to massage his penis with. Not covering your teeth will cut, stab and hurt him. The more soft tissue in your mouth that touches the penis, the better it will feel for the man. So push your tongue up against his cock as well. Don’t over-think this. The goal is just to have as much of your soft tissue touching as much of his soft tissue as possible. Then go forward and backward like you’re giving a hand job with your face. You can get a little zany for the first 1-5 minutes of a blowjob, but 1/3 of the way through the blowjob you’re going to need to settle on one motion and rhythm and stick with it. More about that later.

If you don’t know how much pressure to squeeze with your hand or mouth, ask him. It won’t ruin the mood. It will show that you’re attentive and resourceful. The true test of how good your blowjob is, isn’t how confidently you impressed your man with your pre-existing skills.  The test is how good of an orgasm you gave him.

The most sensitive part of the penis is the base of the head, but the shaft is still sexually sensitive and should not be neglected. You can stimulate the shaft one of two ways. The first way is to take your man’s cock all the way into your mouth until your lips are pressing against the pubic hair around the base of his shaft. This will feel good, but it takes pressure away from the base of the head. So this is a good thing to do a little of during this stage of the blowjob, but you wouldn’t necessarily want to do this for the entirety of the blowjob. It won’t stimulate his head enough, which will make him take longer to orgasm, which means you’ll have to do more work.

The other way to stimulate the shaft is by using one or both of your hands. You can even use one of your hands to fondle your man’s balls while using the other to jerk off his shaft while using your mouth to stimulate the head of his penis. You can also use one or both hands to jerk off the shaft from the top of the head to the base of the shaft, and during the down-strokes (when your hands aren’t touching his head) you can use your mouth to stimulate the head. This method will stimulate him from top to bottom simultaneously. If you never do this then you’re working harder than you have to. Your hands are doing most of the work, and your mouth is getting most of the credit. Just be sure to really lubricate his shaft well with spit or lube before jerking him off.

Whichever combination of these methods you use, do them fluidly and repetitively for a while. It may help to play sexy music with a steady, medium-paced beat to time your strokes to. Don’t keep switching things up. At this stage in the blowjob, repetition will get you farther than creativity. Your man needs to get used to what you’re doing and have time to enjoy it. Every time you change gears, he changes gears and has to spend more time getting used to what you’re doing.

To recap: Start off slow and gradually build up speed (the same is true for a guy going down on a girl). Get a little frisky in the beginning, but settle into a steady, medium pace and keep doing that until you reach Stage 3.

 

Step 5: The Crescendo

There’s no exact time frame for how long the second stage of oral sex should last. You have to read your man’s body language to determine when he’s getting close to cumming. His dick may get larger and harder. You may taste more and more precum. He might breathe, writhe and moan harder. He may start pumping his cock into your mouth. If he does that, he’ll finish quicker if you let him, because he’s doing what feels good to him (and his pleasure is what brings him to orgasm). In that sense, he’s doing you a favor by taking over some of the muscular workload and responsibility for using proper technique.

When you get the sense that he’s at least three-quarters of the way to an orgasm, it’s time to take things to the next level. At this point, your goal is to push him over the finish line. Now is the time to really focus on stimulating the head of his cock (particularly the base/rim). You can do this by bearing down on his head with your mouth and/or shortening the strokes with your hand to exclude the bottom portion of the shaft of the penis so that most of the attention is on the head.

Your movements (with your head and/or your hands) should get a little faster at this point, but beware that jerking him off and blowing him as fast as possible will probably just confuse the nerves in his body and possibly numb the skin you’re trying to stimulate (just like how you don’t really feel anything when a guy licks your clit too fast).

This is not the time to get creative. If you’re doing something that has pushed your man to stage 3, don’t start doing something different. What you’re doing is working. You just need to speed up what you’re doing a little bit and apply a little more pressure. Do that, and you’ll probably bring him to orgasm pretty quickly.

 

Step 6: The Orgasm

The prospects of having a man shoot a load of sperm into your mouth are understandably concerning. How do you know when it will happen? Will it go down your throat? If you can catch it in your mouth, do you swallow it? Does taking it in your mouth make you a slut? Does swallowing it make you an even bigger slut? Will it taste horrible? If you don’t take it in your mouth then where do you aim it, and what do you do with it?

The best way to know for sure when a guy is about to cum is to ask him (before you go down on him) to tell you when he’s about to cum. If he has a problem with that then he’s probably a jerk and you shouldn’t be going down on him. If he doesn’t expressly say he’s about to cum he may instinctively make a loud groan or yell. His cock may swell and stiffen, and/or his fast-paced breathing may reach a crescendo.

When he does cum he may shoot several loads. The first load may be small, followed by a large one and then a few after shots. The first load may be the biggest, followed by several smaller ones. There may just be one medium or small sized load. The more edging you’ve done, the more he’s turned on, the longer he’s gone without sex, and the better his diet is, the more likely he is to shoot bigger loads.

There’s nothing morally wrong with taking cum in your mouth or swallowing it. Quite the opposite, one could argue that a load of cum is an expression of passion, a gift from one lover to another. Savoring a load of your lover’s cum in your mouth is tantamount to savoring a box of chocolates given to you by your lover on Valentine’s Day. And let’s be honest. You wouldn’t have any moral reservations about your man getting your juices in his mouth when he goes down on you. Well, his juices are as equally wonderful and respectable as yours.

There’s nothing shameful about having cum in your mouth. However, if you simply aren’t ready to accept a throat full of cum for whatever reason, you can always spit it into a napkin or catch as much of it as you can with your hand and discard it hygienically. If you just let the guy blow his load all over his stomach he probably won’t care. He’ll probably just be happy he had a great release. Though, one of you will need to clean it up.

Regardless of what happens to his cum, some guys are bashful about kissing a girl after they’ve had their mouth on his cock. These men are immature and need to accept the glorious sloppiness of sex. There’s nothing morally impure about kissing someone after they’ve gone down on you. It’s no more “icky” than any other of fluid swapping that happens during sex. It’s just part of sex, and any guy who disagrees needs to get the stick out of their ass. Having said that, if a guy doesn’t want to kiss you until you brush your teeth after going down on him then you should respect his wishes and consider going down on someone else next time.

When you’re planning what to do with a penis in your mouth that is about to burst with cum, take into consideration that a moment or two after he cums, the head of his penis will be so sensitive that it will be painful to touch for maybe 5-15 seconds. So when he cums, don’t keep stroking him expecting him to just keep cumming. The head of his penis won’t keep cumming. It will just start burning. You can tenderly stroke the shaft of the penis though. That’s fine and dandy.

 

Other Pointers:

Most heterosexual men are hesitant to have a woman play with his anus. However, any man who is confident and adventurous to experiment with anal play will be rewarded with mind-blowing orgasms because the male equivalent of the female G-spot is inside his anus. To reach the male G-spot, simply insert your finger or sex toy into his anus and press upwards so that you’re pressing up against the base of the internal sex organs. Then rub in and out or in fluid circles. That will stimulate his sex organs from the inside out, and that’s a reliable way to give a man an overwhelming orgasm. This has nothing to do with sexual orientation. That’s just objective science. Ejaculations are produced by stimulating sex organs. So stimulating sex organs from the inside out and the outside in produce full-bodied orgasms. That’s how orgasms work.

 

"Yeah, Science Bitch!"

 

You can stimulate the male G-spot before and/or during the actual blowjob. It’s a good way to warm him up, and it feels even better when it’s being done while he ejaculates. Either way, talk to him about it before you do it as he may not want you to. If you do it, use lots and lots and lots of lube. Start very slowly, and unless you’re both anal pros, don’t finger bang him, because you might damage tissue that is very painful and slow to heal.

You may not like the idea of going down on a man at all, much less licking his balls or fingering his anus because you think it’s either gross, demeaning or spiritually immoral. If you feel that way I’d like to share some reasons why I believe you should reconsider your perception of sexual taboos.

Sticking your lover’s cock in your mouth, licking his balls, and fingering his ass isn’t icky, demeaning activities. They’re profoundly intimate activities. Making love is about experiencing your partner as intimately as possible, and that’s what these activities do. That’s what they are. They’re physically, emotionally, and spiritually intimate connections between you and your lover. There’s nothing spiritually unclean about expressing your affection for another person by engaging in intimacy. So there’s no reason you should withhold these cosmically beautiful experiences from yourself or your lover.

If you’re not impressed by these philosophical justifications, then consider this down to earth observation. When done correctly, the activities I’m talking about are extremely, extremely, extremely pleasurable for a man. Pleasure makes men happy. It might not make him happy forever, but we’re not going to live forever anyway. Life is lived right now. Right now is our only opportunity to be happy. If you give your man a blowjob right now, he’ll be happy right now. If you care about him, then don’t you want him to be happy? Because blowjobs make men happy.

People want to be around people who care about them and make them feel good. People don’t want to be around people who don’t care about them and make them feel bad. People want to spend the rest of their lives with the people who care about them the most and makes them feel the best. And nothing says, “I care about you,” more than putting someone’s cock in your mouth. It’s proof positive of your feelings. It’s emotionally gratifying to a man to receive a blowjob, and guys really want to be with someone who makes them feel that good.

 

Drawing of a Victorian gentleman kissing a well dressed woman on the hand saying, "You had me at fellatio."

 

It takes more than good blowjobs to woo a man. You have to make him feel good emotionally too. And what message does it send him if you don’t want to put his cock in your mouth because you think it’s icky and repulsive or daunting?  You’re telling him that his dick is a revolting, unlovable piece of trash. Men’s dicks are very important to them. They love them. They name them. They base a portion of their self-worth on them. If you’re going to insult their manhood by rejecting it you may as well just kick them in their disgusting balls, because that’s what you’re doing to them emotionally. For these reasons and more, you should want to give your man blowjobs, lick his balls, and finger his anus.

 

If you enjoyed this post, you’ll also like these:

 

Sex positions and techniques
General Sex Advice
Dating Advice
Relationship Advice
Philosophy of Sexuality
Friendship
My Tweets About Romance

 

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September 28, 2017

When Money Is Power, Business Owners Are King

By wise sloth

We all have the most to gain by working together, yet we’re not doing that. Instead, we’re fighting each other tooth and nail in a dog-eat-dog rat race. We’re treating everyone like our enemies. We’re cutting everyone’s throats, stabbing everyone in the back or turning a blind eye to each other’s’ problems. Look where it has gotten us. People are building bunkers preparing for the apocalypse. Nobody questions whether there will be another war, just how soon it’ll happen.

So the world’s going to hell in a handbasket because everyone is acting stupid and mistreating each other even though the people we’re discriminating against are the only people in the universe who can help us build the most advanced world possible. We all have our excuses, but in the end, no matter how justified those excuses are, the end result is still that if we don’t work together we can’t build the most advanced world possible.

So the question is this, “What are you going to do?” Of course, we’ve all been asked that before. A lot of us have been asking ourselves that question a lot. The only problem is we don’t know what we can do. Sure, we can vote, but how much potential progress has that turned into reality in the past 60 years? Where’s it gotten us? It’s gotten us to where we are today. We’ve given billions to charity, but half of that gets siphoned off to “administrative expenses,” stolen or mismanaged. There’s a question as to whether the money that does make it to the intended recipients helps them more than it enables a brutal cycle of dependency.

The question of “what we can do” is a complicated one because the truth of the matter is that we don’t have as much power as we like to tell ourselves. Truth is, most of us barely have the power to take care of our own lives. Some of us don’t even have that much power. So how can we be expected to save the poor if we can’t even save ourselves?

Ask yourself, how did the people with all the power get it? They bought it. Money represents anything it can buy, including power. In fact, the only way to get power is to buy it. Sure, you can take power with force, but force costs money. You can win power through popularity, but popularity costs money. No matter how you cut the cake, money is power.

"Money equals power; power makes the law; and law makes government." Kim Stanley

If you want to change the world, then you need power. If you want power then you need money to buy it. If you want money you need to make it. And you don’t need to do anything illegal, violent or terroristic to make money. In fact, the best way to make money is to start a legal business. That’s how all the most powerful people in the world today came to power; they started a legal business and made their money right on the store shelves in plain view of the entire public, and that wouldn’t have hurt or killed anyone if they hadn’t gotten greedy. Somewhere along the line, they lost sight of the fact that we all have the most to gain by helping the most amount of people as much as possible over the long haul. Then they decided to help themselves to as much as possible as quickly as possible, and they sold the rest of us out and exploited us to make that happen.

The most lucrative (and thus most potentially powerful) way to change our lives is to follow the example of the people who took our lives from us. We need to start our own legal businesses because that’s where we stand to make the most money. The more money we make the more we can build a sustainable lifestyle that reduces our dependency on the archaic and inhumane systems that we have to reluctantly serve today. The less dependent we become on the systems that prey on the poor the weaker those systems will become.

Even if you didn’t own a share of the system, wouldn’t you want a system in place that didn’t own (or have any interest in ever owning) you? If any part of this idea appeals to you, I can promise you that the system with the most power will always be the system with the most money. The system with the most money will always be the system that sells the most goods and/or services. If you want to have any power over the environment you live in, you have to own a share or be an employee of (or be in the good graces of) the system that sells the most goods and/or services.

You only have as much control over your life as you have over your environment. In the world we live in, the amount of control you have over your environment is relative to the percentage of the wealth you own within that environment. When you look at the entire globe as a finite environment it looks to me like people’s lives suck because they don’t have enough control over their environment, and the main reason they don’t have control over the environments they live in is because the people with all the money (and thus power) are exploiting their positions of power to force the poor to work under worse conditions for less pay so the rich and powerful can have more money and more power.

Even if there’s not any bizarre Illuminati conspiracy theory, there’s still no denying that the rich are screwing over the poor. In fact, you can look it up in any intro level economics textbook. The backbone of our economy is based on the idea that businesses need to pay as little as possible to produce goods and services that they sell for as much as possible. The idea is that you have the most to gain by screwing the most amount of people for as much as possible. If you don’t believe me, go fill out a loan application at your nearest bank.

I’m not saying it’s the only way or the end-all best way for the poor to take control of our environments, but as best as I can tell from where I’m standing, the best bet we have to make our dreams come true is to start our own perfectly legal businesses and earn more money than the bastards who are making our lives suck more than they have to.

If we want to control our lives, we need to own our own businesses and reduce our personal expenses. We can kill two birds with one stone by living in our offices. That way we won’t have to buy our own homes. We won’t have to commute. We won’t have to pay for repairs to our property out of our own pocket. And any fun and luxurious amenities we wanted in our house we could bill to the company and call an “office improvement.” And we wouldn’t have to hide it because we would own the company and get to decide what the company’s profits are spent on. It wouldn’t be illegal or immoral in any way.

You could spend your life working and financing someone else who is going to use that money to pamper themselves and hold your head down farther, or you could start your own business and spend your life working and financing your own security without having to hold anyone else’s head down. The only thing you would have to do is exactly what you already do. Just instead of doing it for a greedy leech, do it for yourself and share the wealth with your fellow workers equitably.

If you enjoyed this post, you’ll also like these:

 Build a Better World
Buy a Better World
Predatory Capitalism Creates Poverty
Socialism and Communism
The Life of the Rich
The Life of the Poor
Oppression in the Workplace
Success and Retirement

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September 28, 2017

How To Build A Concrete Houseboat Or Island

By wise sloth

In order to survive and thrive, people need food, water and shelter. In a predatory economy, these resources are as hard to secure as possible. We can solve these shortages by building floating sustainable houses, and the same technology could be used to build sustainable floating islands. Below is an illustration of one way to build concrete floating structures. You could also just use a large mold though. And yes, concrete can float.

Series of architectural designs showing the process of building a floating house. Basically, you take a hollow concrete box the size of a condo and put gardens, toilets, solar panels and furniture in/on it.

If you enjoyed this post, you’ll also like these:

 Build a Better World
Buy a Better World
Talk About Saving the World
Be Better People

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September 28, 2017

Secular, Intellectual Monastery Designs

By wise sloth

I’ve come to believe that if businesses treated their workers more like modern day monks in a for-profit secular monastery instead of disposable slaves then the economy would be more stable and (more importantly) the quality of life for human beings would be higher, which would, in turn, reduce all the social ailments that come along with an impoverished, discontented population.

Below are two architectural models I’ve designed that illustrate potential floor plans for secular monasteries as well as IKEA instructions for building walls and roofs. These models are not drawn to scale and are not final drafts. They also represent best-case (i.e. best funded) scenarios. Click on the pictures to enlarge them.

Brochure showing a 3-D design of a circular, sustainable monastery

Brochure showing the layout of a circular, sustainable monastery with a focus towards office work

Illustration of how to build sandbag walls. You stack sandbags.

If you enjoyed this post, you’ll also like these:

 
My Goals
Build a Better World
Buy a Better World
Talk About Saving the World
Be Better People

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