Everyone has wished they had a superpower, like the ability to fly or run super fast, but superpowers don’t exist. There’s no hope of finding radioactive ooze or a magical totem that will imbue you with the ability to do anything out of the ordinary other than maybe get cancer. We’re going to die in the same bodies we were born in, and that’s it.
However, there’s more than one way to skin a cat. You don’t need magic or fantasy to get superpowers. In fact, you’ve got the one superpower that unlocks all the rest. You’re a human, right? And you wish you could fly? Humans have already made flight possible. Do you want X-ray vision? Humans have already created X-ray machines that can do that. Do you want to breathe underwater? We figured that one out too, and scuba divers have been doing it for years. We can see all the way to the moon. We can shoot bullets out of our hands. We’ve got friggin lasers.
If you want a superpower, don’t go looking for mythical beings to give it to you. Go ask a really smart person who thinks a lot. Then they’ll study the universe we live in and reverse engineer a way to give you that ability using what we’ve got. All our technological superpowers came from the same source: people studying the way things work and thinking about it.
There’s something you wish you could do, and it’s probably not as exotic as flying. You might wish you could give fantastic back massages. Or perhaps you wished you were like MacGuyver and could make anything out of anything or like Sherlock Holmes who could solve any puzzle. Maybe you just wish you had the ability to keep your car running. You probably wish you were more seductive… or at least less socially awkward. The point is, there’s something you wish you could do.
Whatever it is. You can do it… or at least the next best thing. There’s just one secret to unlocking every power-up in the universe: STUDY. If you want to be able to do something new… you can do it if you research how to do it, and you can find that information online. Now more than in any other time in history, if you want a superpower you can get it. If you want to become a karate master who looks like a turtle, you can arrange all of that in a couple of Google searches. You can even get a sidekick off of Craigslist.
Learning takes a little effort, but what else did you have to do with your life besides make it better? If there’s something you want to do, then power up with knowledge or quit whining about it. If you’re not absorbing new powers, I have no idea why, because the solution to your limitations is right in front of you. If you want to get stronger, then learn and think, and beware that the less you do, the weaker you’ll be. If you don’t believe me, go talk to an idiot and see how hard their life is. Then go talk to Bill Gates and ask him how many superpowers his house has.
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- And Old Man From Jersey Explains The Meaning Of Life (Comic)
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The Wise Sloth 
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