(Comic) Two Conservative Ladies #2

“Two Conservative Ladies” is a series of dark-humored, satirical, three-panel comic strips about two old fashioned women discussing modern Conservative talking points.


Read the rest of the Two Conservative Ladies comics:

#1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14




Each comic is 3 panels long. Each panel has the same black and white photo of two  middle aged Caucasian women wearing nice clothes from the early 1900’s.



Woman #1: I saw a liberal douche bag on the internet criticizing conservatives for being judgemental hypocrites.

Woman #2: It never ceases to amaze me what colossal cock bags all liberals are.

Woman#1: Wait a minute. They’re judging us for judging them for judging us…for judging…my God! Maybe we’re the same!

Woman #2: No, dear. There’s one very important difference between us and them.

Woman #1: What’s that, dear?

Woman #2: We have guns.



Woman #1: You know what I hate most about liberals?

Woman #2: What’s that, dear?

Woman#1: They’re sheep. They just blindly follow their leaders with total faith no matter how obvious it is they’re being led over a cliff.

Woman #2: You know what I hate most about liberals?

Woman #1: What’s that, dear?

Woman #2: Well, it’s like Fox News says, liberals are unpatriotic traitors for…well, everything.

Woman #1: Amen!



Woman #1: I came home today, and my daughter had the most wretched poster taped to her bedroom wall.

Woman #2: What was it?

Woman#1: A quote that said, “Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free…” and some other socialist bullshit that I didn’t even bother reading.

Woman #2: What did you do?

Woman #1: I replaced it with my favorite quote, “The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants.”

Woman #2: You’re an excellent mother.



Woman #1: You know what I hate most about Muslims?

Woman #2: What’s that, dear?

Woman#1: The way they subjugate women and make them wear burqas and hajibs. It’s blatant sexual oppression, but they try to pretend like they’re doing women a favor when everyone except the most deluded religious fanatic knows that’s bullshit.

Woman #2: I know, right? Well, I’m going to go sunbathe topless with the guys.

Woman #1: …over my dead body.



Woman #1: Did you hear this bullshit about Obama asking for campaign donations through gift registries?

Woman #2: No shit, right? Our Republican candidate hasn’t accepted one cent of campaign donations. So fuck Obama. Fuck him in his greedy fucking face!

Woman#1:  Uuuh. Actually, our Republican candidate has raised over $122 million in campaign contributions.

Woman #2: Oh…so what were we supposed to be mad about again?

Woman #1: We’re supposed to be mad about how he’s accepting campaign donations.

Woman #2: Yeah, fuck Obama for coming up with the idea of using gift registries first.



Woman #1: You know who I love more than anyone else in the world?

Woman #2: Who’s that, dear?

Woman#1: The troops! I bought more “support the troops” merchandise than anyone in the neighborhood.!

Woman #2: Then you should sign this petition to end the U.C.M.J, an unconscionable piece of legislation that strips the troops of their basic human rights and dignities and turns them into second class citizens in a psychopathic cult caste system.

Woman #1: …so basically what you’re saying is you don’t support the troops.

Woman #2: No. I’m saying the troops are victims and we need to save them from the military.

Woman #1: Fuck ’em. They knew what they were getting into when they signed up.



Woman #1: You know who I love just as much as Jesus?

Woman #2: Who’s that, dear?

Woman#1: The founding fathers of America. I hang on every word they said as if it were gospel.

Woman #2: Didn’t the founding fathers advocate separation of church and state?

Woman #1: Much like the gospel, I cherry pick which of the founding fathers’ ideas I embrace and which ones I reinterpret through my own values.

Woman #2: I suppose it wouldn’t have mattered if Jesus ever said anything about cognitive dissonance.



Woman #1: I’ve figured out how to solve all of America’s problems!

Woman #2: How’s that, dear?

Woman#1: If we lower the minimum wage and stop making the rich pay taxes then the rich will get richer. Then the wealth will trickle down, and everyone will be saved!

Woman #2: Where will the government get the money to run all the prisons?

Woman #1: We’ll just raise taxes on the poor and cut all their social services.

Woman #2: Let’s raise the cost of living too!

Woman #1: That’ll help even more!

Woman #2: The poor are going to be so happy.



Woman #1: You know what’s ruining this country?

Woman #2: What’s that, dear?

Woman#1: All these stupid, dirty, nasty, ugly, backwards German and Italian immigrants!

Woman #2: …wait, what?

Woman #1: ….er, I mean, Mexicans and Muslims.

Woman #2: That’s better.


COMIC # 10

Woman #1: You know what I love most about America?

Woman #2: What’s that, dear?

Woman#1: It’s the land of the free. Anyone can come here and become anything if they just want it bad enough. This country is a beacon of hope for humanity.

Woman #2: It’s a shame this great country is being ruined by people not thinking or acting like good, Christian conservatives.

Woman #1: We can fix that with a few more laws.

Woman #2: …and a few more prisons.

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