I’ve received a number of E-mails from readers saying, “I love your writing, and I agree with your assessment of modern life. You do a good job of articulating how the system is designed to screw the poor and destroy the planet. The stuff you say about religion and philosophy are lucid and inspiring. Plus, I think it’s awesome how you want to start a secular monastery where intellectuals can escape the rat race to devote their lives to producing important work. What can I do to help?”
I’m not lazy or presumptuous enough to ask strangers to do my work for me, but since people keep asking, and I really could use the help, I made a list of tasks I need assistance with.
If you’d like to talk in more detail about how you can help me help others, then please E-mail me using the form on my Contact Page. Thank you.
1: Find me an eccentric multi-millionaire philanthropist/collector
My life plan is to write until I earn enough money selling books to afford to build a self-sustainable, profitable, equitable monastery and publishing house that focuses on producing useful, enlightening works. I plan on giving away the blueprints and business plans so anyone can set up their own sustainable community tailored to their definition of utopia. It will take me either ten years or one millionaire to reach this goal. If you know anyone who is rich enough to spend $7 million on a painting to brighten their foyer, convince them to give me $1 million for the joy of watching me try to save the world. I will be a better conversation piece than any painting, and I’ll give the donor and the referer a piece of my own original art, plus one of my personal ideation notebooks, which will be collectors’ items one day if I get famous enough. The sooner I have the money to start building, the sooner the value of those items will start appreciating.
- My vision for a secular, intellectual monastery
- Sustainable monasteries could solve poverty, pollution, and refugee crises
- Secular, intellectual monastery designs
- Occupy LOL Street: A Brave New Village (Comic)
- Why do I write The Wise Sloth blog?
- Donate via Patreon
2: Tell people about my work
If you feel my work is worth reading, it’s worth sharing. Word of mouth is the most powerful marketing tool. So please tell all your friends to check out The Wise Sloth, but if you only tell one person, make it the most powerful, influential person you know. Tell them if they like my work, to share it with the most powerful, influential person they know. They may not give me $1 million, but we’ll be inspiring the people with the most power to change the world.
- My 1-point plan on how to save the world
- Poverty is the root of the world’s biggest problems, and predatory capitalism is the root of poverty
- Concrete modular floating islands could solve poverty, pollution, and refugee crises
- Occupy LOL Street: The Freedom Flotilla (Comic)
- 26 things I wish someone would invent
3: Share my posts on social media
If you believe my posts articulate important ideas worth spreading, then share your favorite ones on social media. I have almost 600, so if you want to go the extra mile, you could post one of my blogs a week until you get bored. Facebook and Twitter are good places to share, but Reddit is best. It has the largest, broadest audience, and links generate clicks even after getting buried by new content. Often times, links in the comment section of a popular post will get more clicks than links posted as stand-alone submissions.
I’m not asking for a spam brigade. Flooding Reddit with my links will do more damage to my brand than good. Posting one link every week or month in a relevant forum will get our message out and keep it in the public consciousness.
4: Tell media personalities and outlets about my work
There are millions of bloggers, vloggers, hosts, columnists, djs, and human interest writers looking for compelling people and controversial topics to talk about. If you know someone who works for a media company that writes/talks about the same topics as me, please speak to them or send an E-mail to the company encouraging them to cover my work. This will help get my messages out and improve my search engine ranking when high-quality media sites link to my blog. Below is a sample of my posts with high social interest value.
Note: I have a scratchy, cracky voice from a lifetime of hard living. So I’m not interested in doing live interviews, but I’ll do what I can for anyone who asks.
- 8 steps to becoming a genius
- My quest to find the meaning of life
- How can the universe and life exist without God? What’s the purpose?
- How I became a Christian and then lost my faith
- 9 reasons not to join the united states military
- The military is a cult
- How to survive the Trumpocalypse
- 10 signs you’re a sheeple
- 10 reasons you’re surrounded by idiots
- How to go down on a girl
5: Start your own blog and link it to mine.
If you think similarly to me, and you believe articulating our ideas and observations will help society, then you should think about starting your own enlightentainment blog. If you already have a blog that doesn’t focus on exploring the most important problems in life, you should think about upgrading your content.
If your work is relevant enough to mine, I’ll cross-post/link your work in return. Even without linking to each other’s sites, two blogs are more influential than one.
6: Edit my blogs.
I’ve been writing blogs at a racing pace for nine years. Most of that time was during a dark, alcoholic period of my life. My work has improved consistently, but there are still grammatical errors and poorly worded sentences scattered around. Every few years, I’ll go through all my essays and touch them up, but they need to be edited by a new set of eyes, and I don’t have the money to pay for it. So if you’re a good writer in need of practice, and you’re not interested in creating your own blog, I’ll accept your help and give you attribution if you want it. You don’t have to edit every page. Every little bit helps. Even if you just see a typo on one of my posts, leave a comment letting me know.
7: Create infographics based on my blogs.
I write a lot of lists that summarize big ideas in short bursts, but they’re still essays that take five minutes to read, which is an eternity on the internet. My lists could be easily condensed and splashed across a jpg with pictures and designs. These would be much easier to read and share. If you give me attribution, you can make infographics of my lists. I keep my rights to my work, and you take complete ownership of your rendition. If you send me a link to your work, I’ll post it on my site and share it on social media. Below is a sample of my lists. You can easily spot more on my table of contents.
- 10 signs you’re a sheeple
- 10 reasons you’re surrounded by idiots
- 10 Tips on flirting
- 15 tips on internet dating
- 13 rules of successful relationships
- 11 reasons not to bitch at your man
- 10 things you need to know about yourself
- 8 steps to build confidence
- 11 ways not to define your self-worth
- 10 scriptures that show the Bible is mythology
- 3 Signs the Bible is mythology
8: Record my blogs in audio format.
I am eager to work with a voice actor or vlogger to make audio and/or video recordings of my blogs. If you let me use your recordings on my website, and you give me attribution, you can post the content on your website or Youtube channel and keep whatever ad revenue or value it brings to your site. You don’t have to pay me any royalties. You could make an entire podcast of nothing but you reading my blogs and sell it wherever/however you sell podcasts and keep all the money. You own the rights to your rendition, and I retain the rights to the original work.
If you record every blog from one of the chapters in my table of contents, we can publish/sell an audiobook through Amazon ACX, which will automatically split the profits between us.
9: Write your own fiction using my prompts and templates.
If you’re an aspiring fiction writer who wants to pen edifying stories, but you don’t know what or how to write, you can use my free story prompts and formula plot templates to get started. This doesn’t help me directly, but you’ll be educating society, which will make my life easier in the long run.
Free Story Prompts
Screenwriting for Movies
- A basic Hollywood movie plot outline template
- How writers can use the psychology of motivation to create believable characters
- How to tie the purpose of a story to the hero’s goal
- 12 steps fictional characters must follow to accomplish a goal
- What is a beat in screenwriting?
- How to combine beats into beat chains
- How to add multiple storylines when writing a movie
Screenwriting for TV
- A basic Hollywood sitcom episode plot template
- Advanced sitcom plot template for stories with multiple protagonists and subplots
Short Story Templates
- Basic short story formula plot template
- Extended short story formula plot template
- 6 short story formula plot storyboards
- 8 simple formula plot templates
- The Mechanic: A parable about how to tell a story
- How to write a story
10: Make and share Wise Sloth Twitter fortune cookie E-card memes.
I’m in the process of taking all my best Tweets and putting them on jpg images that can be shared on Twitter, Pinterest, and other image sharing social media sites. I’ve already finished converting two sets of Tweets, “Happiness and Sadness,” and “Fulfillment, Purpose, and Meaning” and posted them on Flickr. You can share those now, but I have a few hundred more that need to be copied/pasted into the jpg template below. If you want to do that for me, I’ll draw you a picture.
I know it’s a lot to ask, but you’re only partly doing it for me. You’re also doing it for anyone the cards teach wisdom to, plus everyone who will get to use the parable formula plot templates I’ll have time to finish making if I’m not distracted by this mechanical task.
If/when you finish making these, just post them on a photo sharing site like Pinterest, and I’ll cross-post them to my social media sites. Then we can share them and encourage others to do the same.
11: Transcribe my comics into screenplay format
You can find a list of all my comics by following the link below. Some of the pages already have transcripts, but they’re not in screenplay format. I need all of my comics transcribed into properly formatted screenplays. This can be done relatively easily using a screenwriting program like Celtx. If someone could do this for me, it would help the cause tremendously and may set someone else up for success when they film your scripts.
12: Produce plays, movies, or internet skits based on my comics.
Once I have screenplays of all my comics, I’m going to post them for public consumption on thewisesloth.com. They’re not free domain, but if you’d like to make theatrical plays, movies, or Youtube skits, I will most likely let you use them for free. If you want to do a one-off show at a community theater or open mic night, you don’t even need to ask permission. Until then, imagine these comics performed on the stage or screen:
Comics fit for the stage or Youtube skits:
- An Old Man From Jersey Explains Life
- This Was Your Life
- How America Works
- Illustrated Parables
- Two Conservative Ladies
- Two Feminist Ladies
Comics fit for sitcoms or movies:
13: Illustrate my stories and re-illustrate my comics.
My comics are made using stock photo cutouts. They’re good enough to get the idea across, but the art is noticeably monotonous. I would like to work with an artist to re-illustrate the comics above and the stories listed below. If you give me attribution and I keep my original rights, you can keep the rights to your revision and sell it however and wherever you want. I’ll post your work on my site and/or put up links to your store and site.
- How do you eat an elephant? (An inspirational short story)
- Safe_Houses (A zombie apocalypse story)
14: Translate my works into other languages.
If you transcribe my blogs into a language other than English, and give me attribution, I will give you the rights to self-publish your version and keep all the profits. You can translate the chapters from my table of contents into books or pick and choose blogs to make your own compilation. If you have a working relationship with a foreign publisher and would like to publish through them, they can offer me a contract.
15: Create and sell or give away Wise Sloth merchandise
I’ve caught several people stealing my logo and selling Wise Sloth coffee mugs and buttons on sites like Cafepress and Zazzle, but I never reported them or contacted the sellers. The way I see it, I’m helping them make money at no cost to me, and they’re spreading my brand at no cost to them. The more that happens, the more it helps everyone. If you want to sell bumper stickers, T-shirts, magnets, or any other widget with my logo on it, you have my permission as long as you don’t try to claim copyright ownership/authorship of the image or brand name.
If you have more time and disposable income than you know what to do with, it would be a huge favor to me if you print a bunch of Wise Sloth stickers, magnets, buttons, cards, and clothing, and then give it all away for free however you want.
16: Create Wise Sloth inspired products
You have my blessing to create your own original artwork modifying my logo, quoting my words, or spinning off my comics, royalty-free. Make your own quirky coffee mugs and posters with a sloth and a quote or list from my site. If you create anything inspired by The Wise Sloth, let me know so I can put up a link to your product.
17: Create some new logos for me to use and give away.
It would be very useful to me if I had some more Wise Sloth logo images, banners, and promotional illustrations. I don’t have any specifics in mind, just whatever your heart tells you to make. If you’ll give me some images for free, I will give you attribution and create a page where anyone can download/copy them and use however they like. So we can all share in the benefits of your work and spread the love.
18: Make a fan fiction generator program.
I’m currently working on several formula plot templates that a skilled programmer could easily turn into story writing software. I would like to do this and give my first couple of versions away for free. If you would like to work with me on this project, you can start by taking my break down of the plot to Avatar and create a program that lets users create their own Avatar fan fiction story by changing the names of all the characters, locations, and resources. My break down has all the variables already listed and identified in the story. So all you need to do is put the text in a program and put in find/replace functions. Then we can tinker with the wording and presentation. Copyright laws prevent us from being able to make any money from this program. We can only give it away for free, and the top of the first screen needs to include the text, “For satirical and educational purposes only.”
If you’re a super skilled, Adderall fueled programmer who likes to push the limits and doesn’t need a lot of supervision, you can make a program that replaces the variables of 14 iconic movies at once using my master spreadsheet of movies I’ve deconstructed. We can’t sell this program either, but that doesn’t mean it shouldn’t exist.
19: Build my perpetual motion machine designs.
Back in high school, I came up with a few designs for perpetual motion machines. They shouldn’t work, but maybe you could make them work. If nothing else, they may be fun to build. I’ll draw you a picture if you build one just so I can see my idea brought to life. The designs are free domain. So you can sell models as novelty decorations if you want. If you do, send me a link to your store, because I’ll buy one of each.