(Comic) Two Conservative Ladies #10

“Two Conservative Ladies” is a series of dark-humored, satirical, three-panel comic strips about two old fashioned women discussing modern Conservative talking points.

Read the rest of the Two Conservative Ladies comics:

#1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14

TRANSCRIPT

Comic # 1

Lady #1: You remember when there was a Republican president in office, and we kept screaming about how anyone who questions the president is an evil traitor?

Lady #2: …like it was yesterday.

Lady #1: Then do you remember how after a Democrat president got elected we spent the next 8 years screaming about how the president is the devil and we should revolt against the government?

Lady #2: Of course. That’s practically all we talk about these days.

Lady #1: Do you think when there’s another Republican president we’ll go back to screaming about how it’s immoral to question him?

Lady #2: That’s a silly question. Why would we do anything differently?

Comic # 2

Lady #1: I love corporations and hate politicians more than anything else in the world.

Lady #2: Don’t corporations control all the politicians through campaign financing and lobbyists?

Lady #1: Of course, that’s their God given right.

Lady #2: So you hate the puppet and love the master?

Lady #1: Lordy. Lordy. Don’t nobody better say nothing bad about thu mastah!

Lady #2: Good girl. You get a treat.

Comic # 3

Lady #1: Remind me again why we’re so passionate about gun rights.

Lady #2: It’s out God given right to kill people.

Lady #1: Just to be clear though, guns don’t kill people. People kill people. Right.

Lady #2: Yes…with guns.

Lady #1: Right. Why do we want to use guns to kill people again?

Lady #2: To stop them from taking away our right to kill people with guns.

Comic # 4

Lady #1: What’s more important than ending poverty?

Lady #2: I know the answer. It’s upholding the right to own automatic weapons that were invented by militaries to kill as many people as quickly as possible.

Lady #1: And why is that more important than ending poverty?

Lady #2: Because whatever the person with the gun says is most important…is most important.

Comic # 5

Lady #1: Saying that we don’t need guns to protect ourselves because we have the police is like saying we don’t need fire extinguishers because we have the fire department.

Lady #2: Right. Everyone should own a gun to protect them from… Wait. What are we protecting ourselves from again?

Lady #1: …from all those psychos buying assault rifles at pawn shops, obviously.

Comic # 6

Lady #1: “I always cheer up immensely if an attack is particularly wounding because I think, well, if they attack one personally, it means they have not a single political argument left.”

Lady #2: How lovely. Did you come up with that yourself?

Lady #1: No. My hero, Margaret Thatcher, said that.

Lady #2: So…she’s saying we should stop calling people we disagree with, “libtards?”

Lady #1: Hmmmmm…..no.

Comic # 7

Lady #1: I love Biblical laws so much that I want them to be federal laws, and I’m going to hate on anyone who disagrees.

Lady #2: HOLY SHIT!!!

Lady #1: What????

Lady #2: What about all the Biblical laws that would inconvenience us? Are you going to rage about how they should be forced onto the entire population and spit at people who disagree with them?

Lady #1: I was just going to quietly ignore those.

Lady #2: Ah, lovely.

Comic # 8

Lady #1: What’s a bigger problem than poverty?

Lady #2: Easy. Illegal immigration. We’ve got to stop all these poor Mexicans from risking a dangerous journey across the border to work at inhumane jobs for less than a living wage.

Lady #1: I’m confused. Do we want to stop them because we’re trying to help them or…

Lady #2: Wait. No, that’s not what I meant.

Lady #1: Too late. You said you wanted to help people.

Lady #2: Did not!

Comic # 9

Lady #1: Libtards want this country to be just like Denmark, Sweden or Switzerland. Well I say if you don’t like this country exactly how it is you should just leave.

Lady #2: Okay, well let’s pass laws that make it almost effortless for anyone to emigrate out of the country.

Lady #1: But then what would stop the educated elite or the working wage slave from moving to a country with an objectively higher quality of living?

Lady #2: Nothing.

Lady #1: Yeaaaah. Never mind.

Comic # 10

Lady #1: I’ve been thinking about a new slogan that sums up our political views.

Lady #2: What have you come up with?

Lady #1: “Keep the government out of our boardrooms and inside your bedrooms.”

Lady #2: Maybe you could just leave out that last part that admits we want to take away people’s freedom to be different than us.

Lady #1: Seriously!f? How much longer do we have to keep pretending?