“Two Conservative Ladies” is a series of dark-humored, satirical, three-panel comic strips about two old fashioned women discussing modern Conservative talking points.
Read the rest of the Two Conservative Ladies comics:
Woman #1: Everyone who disagrees with me is biased.
Woman #2: What you just said is the god damned definition of bias.
Woman#1: I’m sorry. I can’t hear you, because I don’t listen to people who are biased.
Woman #1: Did you hear Obama wants to take our guns away?
Woman #2: Really? I remember when we were bitching about that like three years ago, but I thought that myth had been thoroughly debunked years ago.
Woman#1: Since when has the truth stopped us from freaking out and bitching about anything?
Woman #2: Good point. Fuck Obama for trying to take our guns away.
Woman #1: Obamacare was objectively a failure of the American political process.
Woman #2: …and?
Woman#1: … and it passed because we shut down any objective conversation about it by shouting nonsensical bullshit about Obama being a socialist. It makes me wonder how many other bad things have happened on our watch because we just shouted until the clock ran out.
Woman #2: That sounds like socialist talk to me.
Woman #1: Obama was such a lame president. He didn’t accomplish shit.
Woman #2: To be fair though, Republicans in Congress vowed to never let him accomplish anything, and they held America hostage sticking to that promise.
Woman#1: But they wouldn’t have had to if Obama would have just done everything they wanted.
Woman #2: That’s so true. I guess Obama really has nobody to blame but himself.
Woman #1: I’ve got a great idea! Let’s make it illegal for prisoners to have pornography!
Woman #2: Prisoners already aren’t allowed to have pornography.
Woman#1: Well, shit. I’m out of ideas on how to turn the victims of the war on drugs into deranged animals.
Woman #2: Let’s put 100 prisoners to each cell!
Woman #1: We’ve bullied the Mexicans for so long and so hard that they won’t work in our fruit fields anymore!
Woman #2: We should hire American Republicans. They’re the hardest working people in the world.
Woman#1: …but they’re entitled to minimum wage and benefits.
Woman #2: I never thought I’d live to see the day when Republicans were as self-entitled as libtards.
Woman #1: These are sad times indeed.
Woman #1: I’ve got a joke. What’s the primary cause of poverty in the world?
Woman #2: I don’t know. *snicker* *snicker*
Woman#1: The rich getting richer!
Woman #2: Hahahahaah! It’s funny because it’s true!
Woman #1: And we know it!
Woman #1: I can’t believe how badly Obama screwed up on saying whether or not terrorists were responsible for burning down that embassy in Libya.
Woman #2: Did Obama ever even personally go to Libya or gather intelligence?
Woman#1: That’s not his job, dear.
Woman #2: So why are we bitching about semantics and things Obama really had nothing to do with?
Woman #1: Because fuck it. That’s why.
Woman #1: Did you know 47% of Americans are lazy, worthless bums?
Woman #2: That’s the most retarded, baseless thing I’ve ever heard.
Woman#1: But a Republican presidential candidate said it, and he was talking about libtards.
Woman #2: Oh, well then it must be true.
Woman #1: Would you like to hear my one-point plan for balancing America’s budget?
Woman #2: What is it, dear?
Woman#1: Remove any pretense that corporations control America.
Woman #2: How’s that going to balance the budget?
Woman #1: It won’t, but we won’t have to keep pretending like we give a shit about balancing the budget.
Woman #2: Genius.
Woman #1: Did you see the last presidential debate?
Woman #2: No, dear. Did I miss anything interesting?
Woman#1: All they talked about was the need for campaign finance reform.
Woman #2: WHAT!?!?
Woman #1: Just kidding. They never mentioned a word about it.
Woman #2: Lordy, Lordy. You gave me a fright there for a moment.