(Comic) Two Conservative Ladies #4

“Two Conservative Ladies” is a series of dark-humored, satirical, three-panel comic strips about two old fashioned women discussing modern Conservative talking points.

Read the rest of the Two Conservative Ladies comics:

#1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14





Woman #1: Would you like to hear my one-point plan to end poverty?

Woman #2: Sure thing, dear.

Woman#1: End welfare!

Woman #2: Do you have any other thoughts on the causes of poverty or how to rectify them?

Woman #1: …not until Fox News tells them to me.



Woman #1: I figured out how to end poverty!

Woman #2: How’s that, dear?

Woman#1: The poor should want to work degrading, dead-end jobs in sweat shops as disposable wage slaves.

Woman #2: How does that end poverty?

Woman #1: Well…if nobody complains then there isn’t a problem.



Woman #1: My daughter tried to start telling me some liberal bullshit the other day.

Woman #2: What did you do?

Woman#1: I called her a stupid libtard and started reciting talking points I’d heard on the Fox News echo chamber.

Woman #2: Did that shut her up?

Woman #1: No! She just kept telling me facts and statistics that contradicted everything I said!

Woman #2: Damn. Libtards are so closed minded. They never listen.


Woman #1: The resort I spent the last week at charged me $7 for a soda. They should be arrested for extortion!

Woman #2: Whoa, hold on. You can’t make a categorical imperative out of that.

Woman#1: Why’s that?

Woman #2: Competition always drives down the price of goods in an unregulated market.

Woman #1: That makes perfect sense! Now I love paying $7 for a soda!

Woman #2: And so should people without $7.



Woman #1: You know who I love more than anyone else in the world?

Woman #2: Your children of course.

Woman#1: You know who I hate more than anyone else in the world?

Woman #2: Who’s that, dear?

Woman #1: Their school teachers.

Woman #2: Why do you hate them so much?

Woman #1 Well, someone has to take responsibility for my complete failure as a parent.



Woman #1: My daughter is so naive. She said it’s self evident that all humans are equal and should be guaranteed equal rights, privileges and dignities.

Woman #2: So she thinks men, women, gays, politicians, enlisted troops, military officers, police officers, felons, foreigners, children and the elderly should all be guaranteed the exact same legal  rights, privileges and dignities?

Woman#1: “100% equality” were her exact words.

Woman #2: What fucking country does she think she lives in?

Woman #1: Fucking fantasy land, apparently.



Woman #1: I saw this lady in a nurse’s uniform standing in the welfare line. Right across the street was a fruit farm that was hiring.

Woman #2: I said, “Hey, lazy ass. Why don’t you go pick fruit for minimum wage and no benefits?”

Woman#1: She asked me why I didn’t go do demeaning work for demeaning pay.

Woman #2: What did you tell her?

Woman #1: I told her that kind of work is beneath trust fund babies who married into old money.



Woman #1: Do you think if customer service jobs paid a living wage and didn’t treat workers like second class citizens then more welfare recipients would take those jobs?

Woman #2: Hmmm. I never thought about it that in depth before.

Woman#1: …and?

Woman #2: …and I’m never going to.



Woman #1: Wolf! Wolf! Wolf! Wolf! Wolf! Wolf! Wolf! Wolf! Wolf! Wolf! Wolf! Wolf! Wolf! Wolf! Wolf! Wolf! Wolf! Wolf! Wolf! Wolf! Wolf! Wolf! Wolf! Wolf!

Woman #2: Please, God. Please make her be quiet.

Caption: Many years later…

Woman#1: Wolf! Wolf! Wolf! Wolf! Wolf! Wolf! Wolf! Wolf! Wolf! Wolf! Wolf! Wolf! Wolf! Wolf! Wolf! Wolf! Wolf! Wolf! Wolf! Wolf! Wolf! Wolf! Wolf! Wolf!

Caption: Until one day…

Woman #1: Oh Fuck! Everybody run! There’s a fucking wolf!

Woman #2: Dear lord, thank you for these ear plugs.

Wolf: Grrrrrrrrr.



Woman #1: You know, the Supreme Court is supposed to be the most objective, wise body of lawmakers in the universe, but every time we have a democratic president he stacks it with liberal judges.

Woman #2: It’s unethical. It’s a conflict of interests, abuse of power, and it defeats half the purpose of having a supreme court.

Woman#1: I know, right? I can’t wait until we get a few more Republican presidents…so they can stack the Supreme Court with extreme right wing leaning judges.

Woman #2: …for life.

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