(Comic) Two Conservative Ladies #5

“Two Conservative Ladies” is a series of dark-humored, satirical, three-panel comic strips about two old fashioned women discussing modern Conservative talking points.


Read the rest of the Two Conservative Ladies comics:

#1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14




Woman #1:  Do you want to know the cornerstone of my political philosophy?

Woman #2: What’s that, dear?

Woman#1: Fiscal responsibility! I don’t want the government to spend one cent more than it absolutely has to.

Woman #2:  Are you saying we should reduce the size of our excessively gargantuan military then?

Woman #1: Well, does the military kill poor people?

Woman #2: Yep.

Woman #1: Then it’s a justified expense.



Woman #1: The Second Amendment guarantees the right to bear arms so the civilian population can fight off tyranny if its government ever turns on its own people.

Woman #2: But do you support the troops?

Woman#1: Hells Yeah! Nobody better ever question the military or cut a penny out of the defense budget!

Woman #2:  Hmmm. Remind me again how you’re going to fight the world’s largest and most advanced military with a few pistols and a shotgun?

Woman #1: …Uhhhhhhh….

Woman #2:  Take your time, dear.



Woman #1: I’m mad as hell at how every liberal in the country fully supports that one corrupt thing that one corrupt democratic politician did that one time.

Woman #2: Do they really?

Woman#1: Well, probably. They’re all retards after all.

Woman #2:  Do you get mad as hell every time every conservative in the country supports every corrupt thing every Republican politician ever does?

Woman #1: Do you mean, do I hate patriotism? No, dumbass.



Woman #1: Did you hear how the Democrats want to give everything away for free to everyone without anyone ever having to work or pay for anything?

Woman #2: …No…because that never happened.

Woman#1: …I’m just going to keep saying it though.

Woman #2:  We know, dear. We know.



Woman #1: You know what my two favorite things in the world are?

Woman #2: What’s that, dear?

Woman#1: My guns and my Bible!

Woman #2:  What kind of gun did Jesus own?

Woman #1: Dumbass. Everybody knows Jesus didn’t own a gun.

Woman #2: And why didn’t he own a gun?

Woman #1: …because they hadn’t been invented yet. Duh.



Woman #1: Well, dear. I hate to say it, but I’m moving to New Zealand.

Woman #2: Why the fuck would you ever want to leave the greatest country on earth?

Woman#1: It’s just that New Zealand requires you to pass a psychiatric exam before you’re allowed to own a gun.

Woman #2:  Fuck that bullshit! Nobody’s taking my guns! Not over my dead body! I’ll kill any mother fucker who tries! You do not want to fuck with me! I’m not fucking around here! I swear to fucking Christ! Don’t tread on me! Wooooo!

Woman #1: Yeah, so….I’ll send you a postcard.



Woman #1: Liberals are such hypocritical, fascist pig fuckers!

Woman #2: What did they do this time, dear?

Woman#1: They just keep asking questions about the Republican presidential candidate. It’s like they want to know everything about him. It’s crazy!

Woman #2:  How did you think political elections worked?

Woman #1: Don’t you get sassy with me, missy.

Woman #2: Here, I’ve got a tissue in my purse.



Woman #1: You know what I hate more than anything else in the world?

Woman #2: What’s that, dear?

Woman#1: Government mandated redistribution of wealth!

Woman #2:  What do you love more than anything else in the world?

Woman #1: A brutally regressive tax code!



Woman #1: I really fucking hate how liberals…

Woman #2: Can we please talk about something else?

Woman#1: No.


COMIC # 10

Woman #1: America is a Christian nation and always has been!

Woman #2: …said no Native American ever.

Woman#1:  They don’t count.

Woman #2:  Why is that, dear?

Woman #1: Because they’re heathens. That’s why.

Woman #2: Ah, I see how this works.

Feel free to leave a comment.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: