(Comic) Two Conservative Ladies #6

“Two Conservative Ladies” is a series of dark-humored, satirical, three-panel comic strips about two old fashioned women discussing modern Conservative talking points.

Read the rest of the Two Conservative Ladies comics:

#1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14

TRANSCRIPT

COMIC # 1

Woman #1: I hate everyone who isn’t exactly like me so much I’ll literally deny them the same human rights as me, and I’ll constantly advocate killing them.

Woman #2: You scare me sometimes.

Woman#1:  AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHGHGHGHGAGHAGHAGHAGH! You have no right to judge me!

COMIC # 2

Woman #1: Did you hear about that time Obama gave a bunch of tax payers’ money to those corrupt big businesses?

Woman #2: I sure did. There’s only one other time I’ve ever been that mad in my entire life!

Woman#1:  When was that, dear?

Woman #2:  That time Obama tried to lower the taxes the owners and C.E.O.s of those corrupt businesses have to pay.

COMIC # 3

Woman #1: I read on the internet that Republicans and Democrats are just different sides of the same coin, and demonizing one group really accomplishes nothing but distracting attention from the real source of the problem: the systemic corruption of the American political system, particularly campaign finance contributions and lobbying….are you even listening to me?

Woman #2: Huh? Yeah, sure. You said all Democrats are demons.

COMIC # 4

Woman #1: Did you hear that hate-filled vitriolic rant that one liberal shock jock was spewing about conservatives on the radio this morning?

Woman #2: I sure did. When is the persecution of conservatives ever going to end?

Woman#1:  What was that D.J.’s name again?

Woman #2:  Uuhhhhhh. I can’t remember his name off the top of my head.

Woman #1: That’s because he doesn’t exist.

COMIC # 5

Woman #1: Did you hear about this new presidential candidate who wants to remove all government regulations that prevent the 1% from screwing the 99%?

Woman #2: No, but I’m totally voting for him now!

Woman#1:  Tricked you! He calls himself a Libertarian, not a Republican.

Woman #2:  Damn! Oh well. The Republican party is still endorsing a candidate from the 1%, right?

Woman #1: Yeah, but he’s a Mormon who follows a false prophet…and he lacks confidence.

Woman #2: Damn! Voting would have been so much easier if Obama would have just called himself a Republican.

COMIC # 6

Woman #1: You seem sad, dear. What’s the matter?

Woman #2: I can’t figure out who I hate more: Obama or the Occupy Wall Street Protesters.

Woman#1:  Didn’t Obama quietly consent to all the blood and tears the police beat out of the Occupy Wall Street protesters’ faces?

Woman #2:  Oh God! I don’t know what to believe anymore. How can I hate a man after my own heart?

Woman #1: Sorry. I didn’t mean to make you think.

COMIC # 7

Woman #1: Want to hear a joke?

Woman #2: Sure thing, dear.

Woman#1:  What’s more important: The environment or corporate profits?

Woman #2:  AHAHAAHAAAHAHAAHA!

Woman #1:  It’s funny because it’s a trick question. Nothing is more important than corporate profits!

COMIC # 8

Woman #1: You know who the most persecuted group in America is?

Woman #2: Homosexuals, prostitutes, drug addicts, illegal immigrants, anyone who looks remotely Middle Eastern, felons, dishonorably discharged veterans, people without college degrees, entry level customer service workers, Native Americans, anyone who lives in the ghetto, atheists living in the Bible Belt? Am I close?

Woman#1:  Nope. It’s conservative Christians.

Woman #2:  Ah, how did I miss that?

Woman #1: I don’t know. It’s a statistical fact.

COMIC # 9

Woman #1: So I was cramming my religious beliefs down this atheist’s throat the other day.

Woman #2: …as usual…

Woman#1:  When all of a sudden he told me Christianity is mythology and I should stop wasting my life believing in easily falsifiable, primitive fairy tales!

Woman #2:  How judgemental! Atheists should respect other people’s rights to have their own beliefs.

Woman #1: I told him that. I also told him he’s going to burn in hell for all eternity.

Woman #2: Yep. That’s what happens if you don’t believe in zombies.

COMIC # 10

Woman #1: You know what I hate most about Obama?

Woman #2: What’s that, dear?

Woman#1:  Every time anyone complains about him legitimately screwing up…he pulls the race card to deflect valid criticism!

Woman #2:  You know what I hate most about Obama?

Woman #1: What’s that, dear?

Woman #2: He looks like a monkey.