1: Get her in the mood.
Sometimes women may act like they’re not interested in sex at all, but make no mistake, they’re humans who were born with primal sexual urges. They want sex. They fantasize about it; they wait for it, and they look for it. But they’re not as likely as men to run out and find the first person who will get naked for them because they don’t want to be a slut, and they’re looking to get more out of sex than just physical stimulation. They want a total mind/body/life experience. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes girls just want to get laid, but as a general rule, the point of having sex is the overall emotional connection and experience, not just the physical build up to orgasm.
The circumstances surrounding a sexual encounter are as important as what you do during sex. If you’re going to put a mountain of effort into pleasing a woman’s body the right way then put that much effort into looking nice, picking a romantic environment, complimenting them, making them feel safe and showing them that you genuinely care about them as a person. If you want to be a great lover then you need to view all of these factors as much of a part of the act of having sex as touching a woman’s body. If you can do that then you won’t have to beg and coerce them into having sex because they’ll want to have sex with you.
Having said all that, there are certain things you can/should to do physically please a woman, and I’m about to talk about those things, but as you read them, be aware that infused with all of these steps/techniques is the importance of the emotional connection and the total life experience.
Firstly, men can go from a completely unaroused state to being ready to have penetrating sex in as little as one minute. Women generally require a minimum of ten minutes, but that’s the bare minimum. In order to give a woman the most fulfilling sexual experience possible and the most intense orgasm possible, you should spend an evening romancing them before your clothes ever come off. Once they do, you should be mindful of the fact that she may have insecurities about her body and be feeling anxiety about sharing her most sacred of gifts with you. So don’t rush to the penetration stage of sex. Compliment her naked body. Tell her she’s wonderful and that the experience you’re sharing is meaningful.
If you want to go the Full Monty then give her a slow, erotic massage. It will relax her mind and body. The less anxiety her mind feels the more her body will allow her to experience an orgasm. And the longer you build up her sexual desire the stronger her orgasm will be. Even without giving a full body massage, you can still take time to kiss and caress her body. There’s no single, correct list of steps you need to memorize to pleasure a woman physically. The important thing is that you tune into the connection between you and your partner and go with the flow. When that happens the rest is just details.
Having said that though, it is important to be fluid in your movements. Think of sex like a dance. Fluid, graceful movements are better than herky-jerky movements. Also, every woman has their own erogenous spots on their body that turn them on when you kiss, nibble and touch them there. Explore your woman’s body to find hers. Even though every girl is different, there’s a good chance that nibbling, kissing and caressing one of the following spots will drive her crazy: her earlobe, the back of her neck, her nipples, and her inner thighs.
2: Start slow and ease your way in.
When it does finally come time to slide your penis into her vagina, know that even if she doesn’t feel tight to you, she may be so tight that penetration will hurt her. You can loosen her up a little by fingering her gently first. You can also insert the tip of your penis in and out teasingly and slowly penetrate her gradually. Not only will this help her loosen up, but it will help her body acclimate to being penetrated making her yearn to have you deeper instead of shocking her by having a foreign object unceremoniously jammed into her.
Even after you achieve full penetration, start out slowly. Consider just leaving your penis inside of her for thirty seconds while she gets used to you, and then begin with slow, fluid thrusts. But if all you ever do are slow, romantic thrusts you’ll likely bore her. You’ll want to gradually increase the speed of your thrusts. There’s no single correct technique to exactly how you should thrust. It depends on the girl and the mood. I will say this, you’ll want to be gentle if you’re taking a girl’s virginity, but sometimes girls just want to have the bejeezus fucked out of them. Sometimes they want you to just rail into them like you don’t care about their feelings. If you never, ever do that she’ll be disappointed. But even on those occasions, you’ll still need to start out slow and loosen her up first.
3: Use different positions.
There’s also no single correct sexual position. They’re all wonderful in their own way, and they should all be explored. However, there are a few positions that allow the man to rub the base of his pelvis against a woman’s clit during intercourse increasing the chance she can achieve orgasm during sex. You can do this in the missionary position, but you have to make a conscious effort to swivel your hip up so that your pelvis makes contact with the clitoris. Depending on the shape/size of your bodies you may be able to make good clitoral contact by modifying the missionary position so that the girl lays flat on her back with her legs together and the guy straddles his knees on the outside of her legs and dips his penis down between the top of her thighs into her vagina. Another good position is the cowgirl, which is where the man lays flat on his back and the girl straddles him. Girls often like this position because they control what they feel, and they can rub their clit on your pelvis as they like. You can also lay behind her in the spooning position and reach around her and stimulate her clit with your hand. Or she can stimulate her clit with her own hand or a toy.
4: Stimulate the clitoris.
The one place that every girl wants/needs to be stimulated is on her clitoris. 80% of women can’t achieve orgasm through penis-in-vagina sex alone. They need clitoral stimulation. Feel free to go down on a girl and give her an orgasm before you even start having sex. If you can’t bring her to climax during sex then at least she’ll have had an orgasm, but know that her clitoris will be too sensitive after orgasm to jump right into sex. You’ll need to cuddle for a few minutes and let her cool down before penetrating her.
5: Stimulate the G-spot.
Another factor to consider when choosing your sex position is how well it allows you stimulate the G-spot, which is found on the roof of the vagina just past the opening. The trick is to find a position that angles your penis so that it hits the roof of the vagina. You can do this in the missionary position if you elevate the girls’ hips high enough by resting her ass on a large pillow or lifting her ass in the air with your hands. That can be very effective because it allows you to push and pull her body with your hands as you thrust with your hips. The cowgirl is another position that lends itself to G-spot stimulation. One of the best positions for this is the folded lawn chair, which allows you to make deep, penetrating thrusts. You can also hit the G-spot in the doggy style position if you thrust/press downwards. That’s also a good position for when it’s time to hard-fuck her like you’re never going to see her again.
6: Don’t try to last for hours.
You may think that women want penis-in-vagina sex to last as long as possible since you want to have your penis in their vagina as long as possible, but remember, to women sex is the total experience and not just what happens after your penis enters her. There are times when women want to go for a marathon session, but as a general rule, their vagina will start to hurt after 7-10 minutes of pounding. After 15-20 minutes they’re likely to start thinking about shopping lists while waiting for you to finish. After 30 minutes they’ll be praying for you to finish. So as a general rule, make your foreplay count and don’t worry about lasting more than 10 minutes.
7: Stimulate her mind and body after intercourse.
Whenever you finally achieve orgasm, remember that sex for a woman is a total mind/body/life experience. So the sexual experience doesn’t end the moment you achieve orgasm. If she hasn’t had an orgasm yet you still need to give it to her by stimulating her clitoris with your hand, tongue or toy. Even after that, you still need to put the metaphorical cherry on top of the metaphorical cake. Hold her in your arms and cuddle. Maybe whisper sweet platitudes in her ear. Kiss her, caress her and show her that she’s more than just a fuck doll to you and that you care about her and the total experience.
8: Be respectfully rough in bed.
I’ve put so much emphasis on how important the emotional aspect of sex is to women that what I’m about to say next may seem contradictory and counter-intuitive. Even among women who act like a-sexual porcelain, Disney princesses … there is a tendency for many women to enjoy taking the submissive role during sex and want to be dominated by their sexual partner. Not all girls enjoy this, and those who do may not always want to be dominated every time they have sex or to the same extent each time it happens. Sometimes some girls just like you to take charge. Sometimes they want you to blindfold them and pin them to the bed. Sometimes they want you to slap them in the face and call them a dirty slut. Find out what your girl likes by talking to her, not by trial and error.
You might think, “My girl wears high heels, evening dresses and goes to church or feminist meetings. So there’s no way she would want to be manhandled and made to feel small during sex.” There’s logic behind your point of view, and you may be right, but let me just leave you with a few reasons why your girl may still want to be dominated sexually every once in a while at least.
First, society pressures women to hide their sexuality even though it burns like a fire underneath their good girl facade. After stressing over living this lie for so long, sometimes it feels good to just let go. Not only is being naughty erotic, but by acting the way they aren’t supposed to, they conquer the taboo they’ve been running from.
This doesn’t mean girls want to go out and get treated like a piece of meat by someone who has no respect for them because that would mean they actually are a dirty slut. If a girl can have aggressive, submissive sex with a loving partner in the safety of their shared nest then they enjoy the experience of letting go in a safe, meaningful way that doesn’t actually make them a dirty slut. When you have dangerous sex with a girl who knows you can break her physically and emotionally but you don’t, it shows her that she can feel safe in your arms and in your presence. And even if you have her pinned to the bed, and she can’t move she still has the power to stop you with a single word at any moment, which means you’re not really in control; she’s in control. That means she gets to enjoy the eroticism of being dominated while also enjoying the power of being in control. And make no mistake, being dominated is genuinely erotic. Society just pounds it into men’s heads that we always have to be the alpha male and nothing is more degrading than submitting to someone else’s control. So we tend to view submission as disgraceful to the point that we may not even want to inflict that disgrace on anyone else, which as a general rule is good, but that rule doesn’t always apply in the bedroom. Submission and domination don’t always have to be about social statuses and gender equality. Another legitimate reason why girls like to be submissive in the bedroom is because they want you to be happy, and it drives them wild to see you go wild. At the same time, sometimes girls like to be submissive for a more selfish reason. As you’re madly pounding away at them from behind they’re quietly taking credit for being sexy enough to drive a big, strong beast like you out of your mind. Again, that’s them being in control, and it’s genuinely enjoyable.
So, after you’ve been with a girl for awhile, have a few conversations about submission and domination. Find out what her fantasies are, and explore them at a speed both of you are comfortable with. Agree on a safe word, and respect each other’s boundaries. And after you finish having dominating sex, make an extra effort to be kind and comforting during the afterglow phase to show her that you truly do respect her.
9: Sex toys aren’t your competition. They’re your opportunity.
On a final note, I want to take a moment to talk about dildos and vibrators. A lot of men are intimidated and offended by sex toys because they’re afraid that if their significant other uses a gigantic vibrating toy they’ll get spoiled on it and won’t be satisfied with their man’s penis anymore. Plus, men don’t like the idea of any dick (real or plastic) invading their territory. These fears are understandable but ultimately unfounded.
Remember that sex for a woman is as much (if not more) about the emotional connection between the two people involved. A piece of plastic can never replace a flesh and blood man who can love them and ravage their entire body during intercourse. Also, women have a right to have their vagina filled up with a massive plastic dong every once in a while. It’s not your place to tell them they don’t have that right. And you should want them to be happy. If they get any joy from getting off with a toy every once in a while then you should want that for them. At any rate, you’re almost certainly going to masturbate without them at some point. So don’t be a hypocrite.
The issue of sex toys shouldn’t involve accusations and defenses anyway. Sex toys aren’t a threat. They’re an opportunity. If you incorporate them into your sex life you open up a whole new world of possibilities. Probably the greatest advantage of using vibrators during sex is that you can stimulate your girl’s clitoris while you have penis-in-vagina sex, which will greatly increase the odds of her having an orgasm during sex. When that happens she won’t be thinking, “This toy got me off.” She’ll be thinking, “I got off with my lover while we used a toy.” See what happened there? The toy does all the work, and you get all the credit. With a little practice, you can greatly increase the odds of being able to achieve orgasm simultaneously, and that is a truly magical thing. The best toy to use to stimulate her clit during sex isn’t a big cock-shaped vibrator. You’ll have better luck with a small, variable-speed bullet/egg-shaped clitoral stimulator.
If you enjoyed this post, you’ll also like these:
Sex positions and techniques
- How to go down on a girl
- How to go down on a guy
- How to perform foreplay
- How to have sex in the missionary position
- How to have sex in the doggy style position
- How to have sex in the cowgirl position
- How to have anal sex: A beginner’s guide
General Sex Advice
- Basic advice to female virgins on how to have sex
- How to be bad at sex: 17 misconceptions and mistakes to avoid
- How to spice up your sex life without getting too kinky
- Advice on sexual domination and submission
- Introduction to sex toys
- Does penis size matter?
- Tips on impressing women using Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs
- Tips on impressing men using Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs
- 10 Tips on flirting
- 15 tips on internet dating
- The futility of being fake
- Tips on conversation: Part 1
- Tips on conversation: Part 2
- 10 character traits to look for in a long-term romantic partner
- Stages of a romantic relationship
- 13 rules of successful relationships
- 11 reasons not to bitch at your man
- The evolution of my definition of love
- My theories about cheating on tasks and lovers
- The conundrum of compromise
- Why men should wear nice underwear
Philosophy of Sexuality
- What are transsexuals? Why are they suddenly popular? Why do Conservative fear them?
- My theory on why so many women have rape fantasies
- My long theory on gender labels and sexual morality
- Demonizing pleasure is a failed experiment
- My short theory on sexual morality
- Why you need to be a little slutty
- What is good porn?
- Why I don’t like strip clubs
- Why I like strip clubs
Feel free to leave a comment.