Tag Archives: sex advice

Wise Sloth Video List: Sex Advice

This list comes from my essays on sex advice.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Demonizing Pleasure Is A Failed Experiment

For some reason, humans have been holding onto this philosophy that pleasure is inherently evil and asceticism is a benchmark of maturity. I could be wrong about this, but I blame the Abrahamic religions for creating and maintaining this trend. I’m just not sure why they decided to wage war on pleasure. Maybe the tribal leaders who wrote those mythologies knew that miserable people were easier to control or maybe they were just as bad at making up morals as they were at making up science.

It’s so ingrained in our culture, it’s law. In the Middle East, women are forced to cover their heads and bodies to hide how pleasurable God made them. In the West, women are forced to cover their breasts and waists to hide how pleasurable God made them. Men have the freedom show off their hair and chests in every country, but if anyone sees their penis, they’ll go to jail quicker than a murderer.

We’re not just afraid of actual genitals. Porn magazines have to be sold wrapped in plastic with a black cover over them, and children aren’t allowed to see anyone other than themselves naked until they’re about eighteen years old. Since everyone can watch prime-time network television, nipples and groins are dogmatically censored as if they were cursed objects that will burn your eyes out if you look at them.

Our phobia of pleasure is so pervasive it extends into the workplace. Men and women have segregated toilets, and the geniuses in human resources set limits on how much flesh customers and workers can expose. Workers have to wear boring uniforms, and any individual who has bought enough credentials to deem themselves worthy to pick their own clothes still has to wear bland professional clothing. Nothing sums up the absurdity of professionalism more than the necktie. It’s uncomfortable and unnecessary, and it’s ironically similar to a noose, but it’s an industry standard.  We shouldn’t be going out of our way to be uncomfortable. We should be wearing pajamas to work.

Another way culture reflects its demonization of pleasure is through strict drug laws. Granted, drugs are self-destructive, which makes them irresponsible, but sending drug users to jail for hurting themselves is like shooting someone in the head to stop them from shooting themselves in the foot. That’s not justice. That’s a vendetta, and it just goes to show how committed humanity is to demonizing pleasure and glorifying suffering that we punish people for feeling euphoria by locking them in a cage with rapists, murders and abusive, unaccountable guards and forbid them from ever looking at pornography.

The ultimate symbol of culture’s rejection of pleasure is the standard we set for politicians and news anchors. They’re supposed to be the ideal human beings…yet they’re expected to act like robots. Watch any news report on any politician and you’ll see a human robot reporting on a human robot. You couldn’t even get hired as a news anchor or politician if the public found out you had too much fun in your past. That’s how serious our fear of pleasure is.

Asceticism is the standard we’ve set for maturity, but asceticism does more damage than it does good. For as long as humans have been demonizing pleasure humans have been needlessly suffering. Asceticism has failed humanity every time it has been tried. It’s still failing today, and it’s going to fail everyone who tries it in the future. Denying yourself pleasure is inherently painful. Demonizing pleasure effectively glorifies pain. Even if that’s not your intention that’s the obvious, inevitable result. The only time pleasure would ever become a problem is when it causes anyone pain, but by denying ourselves pleasure we condemn ourselves to a life of pleasure-less pain, which defeats the purpose of life, and it defeats the purpose of trying to be virtuous.

Denying yourself the freedom to feel pleasure or express yourself is psychologically tantamount to locking yourself in solitary confinement. After your body goes too long without feeling anything it shuts down and doesn’t even try to engage with the world. You die inside and end up sleepwalking through life until your body finally catches up with your mind and dies and puts you out of your misery. Granted, that’s an extreme case, but the standard for maturity and professionalism which our pleasure-hating society has set is closer to that extreme than it is to hedonism, and by numbing ourselves in the name of virtue and professionalism we’re creating a society of miserable, stressed out anxious fun police.

Being a somber stick in the mud doesn’t help anyone or anything. All it does is make life suck. In reality hiding your body and censoring your voice isn’t maturity, it’s oppression, and oppressing yourself isn’t the epitome of maturity; it’s the epitome of personal irresponsibility, and telling people they can’t act free and happy is the epitome of social oppression.

I’m not saying everyone should be wanton hedonists. I’m saying asceticism is as destructive as hedonism. Look, pleasure is fine as long as nobody gets hurt. Nobody gets hurt by seeing a woman’s head or breasts. Nobody gets hurt by seeing genitals. Nobody gets hurt by people dressing comfortably and decorating their office to reflect their personality. Nobody gets hurt by showing up to work or the grocery store in your pajamas. Nobody gets hurt when an individual sits in their home and gets stoned. There’s no logical reason to demonize pleasure, and there’s every reason to demonize asceticism. The simple math is that joy begets joy, and misery begets misery. The best way to navigate the gray area is with reason… not dogmatic mythology-based self-loathing fear-mongering.

 

If you enjoyed this post, you’ll also like these:

 

Sex positions and techniques
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Does Penis Size Matter?

Do women prefer men with bigger penises? The short answer to that question is, some do sometimes to some extent, but men are far more worried about penis size than women are. Look at the facts:

  • The average depth of a female vagina is 2.7-5.83 inches, though they expand when sexually aroused and can potentially grow several inches deeper. The average width of a vagina is 1.88-2.48 inches.
  • The average length of the human penis when erect is 5.1-5.9 inches long and 4.8 inches in circumference.

 

 

From this data alone we can deduce that not all women want a 12-inch-long, 6-inch-wide penis fully inserted in their vagina. Petite girls under 5 feet tall (with proportionately sized vaginas) couldn’t take a 12-inch penis inside them. It would literally tear them apart. A 12-inch penis wouldn’t even fit all the way into an average sized woman’s vagina, and cramming it in as far as possible would stretch her out so much it would physically damage her body. Far from being pleasurable, it would be unbearably painful.

If it’s important for a girl to be “filled up,” then the average sized penis is well suited for the average-sized vagina. This is one of those cases in life when average isn’t mediocre; average is statistically ideal. However, on the Bell Curve of sexual cravings, there are a minority of women who prefer above-average sized penises, and there are also women who prefer (and even need) below average-sized penises. Any man with a below average sized penis should consider dating petite girls whose vagina will need a smaller penis.

To this, some men might say, “Wouldn’t a petite girl still prefer an average sized penis since that would be large to them? After all, don’t all women like to be stretched out as much as possible since more is always better?”

The answer to that question is, “not necessarily.” A little stretching can feel good. A lot of stretching usually hurts. Stretching any bodily tissue past its normal limits hurts, especially tissue as sensitive as our all-important sexual organs. If you don’t believe me then ask every woman you know if she’d rather have a penis inside of her that’s a little too big or a little too small for her. Most women would be relieved to have a penis inside them that’s too small if the alternative is to have to endure taking in a penis that is too big.

To this, some men might say, “I don’t believe that, because I’ve been to porn stores, and I’ve seen the massive dildos they sell. I even know women who own and use a dildo the size of a fist. If women didn’t want the biggest penis as possible inside them then why do women buy dildos that big?”

Nobody who has ever worked at a porn store would ask that question. I speak from experience, and I’m not the only member of my family who has worked at a porn store. I can tell you porn stores sell very few dildos the size of a human forearm, and most of the ones they do sell are bought by gay men or frat boys. Take a closer look at the dildos and vibrators for sale at any erotic novelty store, and you’ll see they come in all shapes and sizes, some even as small as a pinky finger. Yeah, some women would literally pay to have something the size of a human pinky finger inserted into their vagina. Think about that.

If you look closer at the sex toys women pay money for, you’ll also notice a lot of them aren’t even designed to be inserted into the vagina at all. They’re designed to stimulate the clitoris, a pencil eraser-sized bump just above the opening of the vagina that contains more pleasure nerve endings than a man’s entire penis. Think about that. The ultimate pleasure device doesn’t even require a penis to operate. If you’ve ever wondered how lesbians can live without dick, that’s how. In fact, most women can’t achieve an orgasm through PIV sex alone. Most women literally can’t have an orgasm unless their clitoris is stimulated. So any man who is more obsessed with the size of his penis than how good he is at going down on a woman doesn’t understand women or their vaginas.

 

 

Technique may be more important to women than size, but meaning is more important than technique. Very few women would turn down the opportunity to have sex with a really great, confident, sweet, funny, strong, successful guy whose penis is smaller than her dildo. In fact, there are millions, if not billions, of women out there who own dildos and are married and totally committed to men whose penises are smaller than their dildos, and those women prefer having their husband’s penis inside them over their larger dildo because, again, sex is about more than penis size. To this, some men may ask, “But if they prefer their husband’s smaller penis then why do they own big dildos at all?”

The answer is because size is a novelty; it’s not the point. If a man bought a pocket pussy he might choose one a little looser or tighter than his lover’s actual vagina, but that has zero bearing on what he thinks about the size of his lover’s vagina, how he feels about her as a person, how badly he wants to fuck her or stay with her for the rest of his life. The same is equally, if not more true for women and their dildos. Sure, using a large vibrating dildo with a clitoral stimulator can be fun, but a dildo is just a piece of plastic. It can’t hold you. It can’t whisper compliments in your ear. It can’t make you feel like the only woman in the world. It can’t sweep you off your feet and offer you a lifetime of love and security. A man with a big cock and a cold heart is worth about as much to a woman as a dildo.

If the thing women wanted most out of sex was to have their genitals stimulated until they blow their load, they could just walk into any gym at any time and walk out with some big stud to have noncommittal sex with, but women don’t do that. They bide their time and choose their sexual partners based on much more than just the size of a man’s organs. What women want most out of sex most of the time is the emotional connection to the person they’re having sex with. They’re in it more for the total mind/body life experience, not the base physical chore of genital rubbing. They measure the quality of a sexual encounter more on whether or not a man can make them feel special than whether or not he works their pussy like a champ. Granted, if he can work their pussy like a champ also then so much the better, but if a women had to choose she’d usually choose emotional pleasure over physical pleasure. At any rate, working a pussy like a champ can be learned and has little to do with dick size. If you’re obsessed with your sexual prowess enough to study how to work a pussy like a champ, you should be more obsessed with how to make a woman glow emotionally, because, again, women are more obsessed with that then having their pussy worked like a champ.

Granted, if a woman found a genie lamp on a beach, and the genie offered to create the perfect man for her unconditionally, there’s a good chance she’d wish for a man with a better body than you have, dick and all. But to be fair, if a man found a genie lamp on a beach, and the genie offered to create the perfect woman for him, he’d probably choose to create a woman with an unrealistically beautiful body. If women are selfish, greedy size queens for wanting a hefty cock inside of them then men are selfish, greedy ass holes for wanting a busty petite beauty queen underneath them. But in reality, nobody is a bad person for being sexually attracted to sexually attractive people.

And in reality, most people will never get to have sex with or marry someone who fits their ideal sexual fantasy anyway. We have to settle for a real person, but we don’t resent the flaws of the people we love. We accept and celebrate them for everything they are. If someone can’t accept you and love you for who you are then you shouldn’t be with that person. If you can’t accept and love yourself for who you are then you won’t make a good partner for anyone.

Sometimes women do insult men’s penis sizes, but if a woman ever insults your penis it’s probably not because the size of your penis is so important to her; it’s more likely because she’s mad at you for something else and is just saying what she knows will hurt you because she knows how important your penis size is to you. If she’s genuinely judgmental and cruel about the size of your penis, the problem still isn’t the size of your penis. The problem is that she’s a petty, shallow human being whose petty, shallow opinions aren’t worth taking seriously.

In the end, neither God nor good women measure the value of a man’s life by the size of his penis. Penis size is more or less an incidental detail, and whatever pleasure (if any) is lost in sex by having a small penis can be more than made up for by giving a woman all the other things that are more important to her.

 

 

If you enjoyed this post, you’ll also like these:

 

Sex positions and techniques
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Why You Need To Be A Little Slutty

 

"Definition of 'slut:' A person of any gender who has the courage to lead life according to the radical proposition that sex is nice and pleasure is good for you."

 

It’s a common belief that it’s immoral to perform any sexual activity before marriage, and after marriage, you can only perform several basic sexual positions with one person for the rest of your life. We got this idea from religion, but religion is mythology. It’s not based on reason or evidence. It’s based on the subjective cultural taboos of primitive societies. Sexual prudishness is not a virtue. It’s a destructive and wasteful lifestyle that conditions you to accept an unfulfilling life. If you want to live a fulfilling life you need to base your sexual values on reason and evidence.

The reality of human sexuality is that humans are hardwired in their DNA to want to crave sex… and not just missionary sex between one man and one woman (who are both over 18 years old) for the rest of their lives. Humans are designed to be sex addicts, and it takes more than one kind of treatment to manage our addiction. We need a full spectrum approach to manage our biological needs. It’s not always practical to have sex, but we still need to have orgasms. Handjobs, oral sex, and toys are as practical as they are fun. Without them, your mind and body lock up with anxiety, and the ripple effects of that anxiety will lower your total quality of life. Relieving that anxiety not only frees you to enjoy life but the confidence and satisfaction that a healthy sex life gives you will raise the total quality of your life.

Masturbation is an invaluable remedy to sexual frustration, but it’s not a permanent substitute for a sexual partner. Biologically and psychologically, you need someone to be sexually active with from the age when you first start yearning for sex. That will happen years before it becomes practical to sign a lifetime contract to share a home and all your money with another person… if that’s ever practical at all.  It would be nice if you could be in a sexual relationship with your soul mate, but your body can’t wait for you to search the whole world for that one perfect person. At any rate, you need years of independence to grow into a complete person yourself before you’ll be compatible with the perfect person for you.

In the meantime, you still need to be sexually active with someone or else you’ll be plagued by anxiety, loneliness, and emptiness, and you won’t be making as many strides in your personal growth as you would be able to if you had a healthy sex life. This means you either need a “friend with benefits” or you need to have casual sex. A friend with benefits is far less stressful and less dangerous than casual sex, but if you don’t have a friend with benefits you still need someone to help you manage your sex life, and your potential sex partners need someone to help them manage theirs. You don’t have to have sex with strangers. Handjobs, oral sex, and toys are options that are always on the table.

Taking advantage of these options doesn’t make you a bad person. Crushing your soul with sexual frustration will, however, turn you into a bad person, or at least not as good of a person as you could have been. So total abstinence isn’t virtuous. It’s foolish and irresponsible because it has negative real-world consequences. Being a little slutty is, in fact, wise and productive.

Aside from relieving anxiety and building confidence, sexual activity is fun. It’s one of the finer spices of life. If you’re not going to seize the day and enjoy your life then what are you doing here? If God exists then it was God who designed us to be sex addicts and made sex so pleasurable. God must want us to be a little slutty. God would certainly want us to be happy, and regardless of whether or not God exists, you should be happy. If you have the chance to be happy then do it. That’s virtuous. That’s wise. That’s mature.

Just be safe. Don’t have sex with skanks. Always use protection. Never force anyone to do anything they don’t want to. Try everything once. Just be smart about it and not only will you live a better life but you’ll help others do the same. There’s nothing better than that. So for goodness sake, be a little slutty.

 

If you enjoyed this post, you’ll also like these:

 

Sex positions and techniques
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Philosophy of Sexuality
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Why Men Should Wear Nice Underwear

Women are pressured by the media to look as beautiful as possible all the time. When they go through all the time and effort to look good, it ruins the effect a little when they take their clothes off to reveal cheap underwear underneath. Women, having received a lifetime of training in how to look good, generally understand this. So it’s not uncommon for women to spend $60 for just a bra or a single pair of panties when they could easily buy a 6-pack of panties at a discount store for $15. They spend the extra money though because it makes them feel confident and turns men on.

If it’s important for women to please their men by wearing sexy lingerie it stands to reason that women deserve the same respect from men. Actually, it’s more important. Since women are pressured by the media and religions to have an irrational fear of their sexuality, when they do have sex, they’re stepping out on a limb. They’re also letting a man experience her in the most intimate way possible, which can be a little nerve-racking. She would hope that her sexual partner appreciates the gift she’s giving him, and she would certainly hope that her man realizes that sex for a woman isn’t just the mechanical, physical exercise that men sometimes view sex as. For women, sex is as much about emotional stimulation as it is about physical stimulation. Men who understand this will take steps to give women the emotional stimulation they crave while also minimizing the anxiety they may feel about sex.

There are a lot of little steps men can take to show a woman he’s not just some random jerk. You can show her that you’re worth having sex with by taking care of your body and having a successful career. You can tell her she’s special, listen to her and spend money on her. You can totally reinvent yourself as James Bond, but if you go through all that hassle, understand that it’s going to ruin the effect if you take your clothes off to reveal you’re wearing cheap, discount underwear with holes and stains in them.

If you take your clothes off to reveal a nice, elegant pair of underwear you’re sending a message to her that you care enough about her to go the extra mile for her. It’s your last chance before sex to prove you’re worth having sex with. Granted, if you’re already down to your underwear with another person you’re probably going to have sex anyway, but going the extra mile is being a good person.

Wearing nice underwear isn’t something you should only do on special occasions. Even if nobody sees your underwear, you know you’re wearing it. You should have confidence in yourself regardless of what clothes you wear, but it gives you a psychological boost when you know that underneath your clothes you’re always wearing lust-worthy underwear. That extra confidence boost can go a long way, and as you become used to feeling calm, cool and collected that confidence will become a part of your subconscious, and then you won’t have to put effort into being confident. You’ll just be confident, and that will help you get laid, not because you tricked a girl into having sex with a poser but because you’re somebody worth having sex with.

If you’re reading this thinking to yourself, “Man, you’re taking this underwear thing way too far. Underwear is just one little detail in a million,” then you don’t understand women. To women, all of the little things are big things, because they’re all details, which make up the whole picture. The finest picture has the most attention to detail, and the most repulsive picture has the least attention to any kind of standards. If you don’t think underwear is important, then don’t bother wearing nice clothes nice cologne. In the end, they’re just cheap masks hiding your cheap underwear underneath.

Unless you’re Tom Cruise, you don’t look good in old-school whitey tighties. Don’t buy them. Don’t buy flannel cotton boxers. They make you look like an old man. If your girlfriend can wear your boxers as shorts in public and not get weird looks, you’re not wearing sexy underwear. Bad underwear is basically anything you can buy at Wal-Mart or any big box store. As a general rule, avoid anything by Fruit of the Loom or Hanes. When you’re looking at a shelf of underwear, if you have the option to buy 6 different colors of the same pair of underwear in one bag for about $15, don’t buy that underwear. In fact, leave the store and go find a high-end department store that doesn’t even have that option. For a better selection, just go to Amazon.com

DON’T BE THIS GUY.

DON'T BE THIS GUY.

DON’T BE THIS GUY.

DON'T BE THIS GUY.

DON’T BE THIS GUY.

DON'T BE THIS GUY

DON’T BE THIS GUY

Regardless of the price, what makes good underwear is that it’s made from better material than flannel and cotton. I can’t say exactly which material to look for. The important thing is that it’s soft and smooth. Imagine sleeping in a bed with sheets made from the same material as your underwear. The more awesome it would be to the sleep in that bed, the more you should consider buying that pair of underwear.

The most important quality in a good pair of underwear is that they look sexy. Sexy is sleek. Underwear shouldn’t hide your curves. It should accentuate them. Sexy is expensive. Sexy looks like a million dollars even if it doesn’t cost a million dollars. Sexy is enticing. If you can look at a piece of underwear and not think, “Damn. That’s sexy,” then you’re probably looking at the wrong piece of underwear. When all of your underwear looks like that then you can always be sure you’re giving the woman of your life the best show all the time. Think about this. You wouldn’t expect your significant other to always wear sexy lingerie, but if she chose to do that, you’d love it. Regardless of whether or not she gives you that permanent show, you can still give her a permanent show as a way to show her that she’s important to you and also because you’re a sexy beast. And that’s what’s sexy beasts do. They’re sexy all the time.

Specifically, Calvin Klein, Jockey, Diesel, 2(X)IST and Exofficio are all great brands as long as you don’t buy any of their floppy stuff. If you’re still not sure what sexy underwear is, then go grab a couple of girls and take them to the underwear section of an upscale department store and have them point out to you what sexy is. Since ultimately the whole point of wearing nice underwear is to please the most important woman in your life, it would be best to have her show you exactly what she likes.

BE THIS GUY.

BE THIS GUY.

BE THIS GUY.

BE THIS GUY.

BE THIS GUY.

If you enjoyed this post, you’ll also like these:

 

Sex positions and techniques
General Sex Advice
Dating Advice
Relationship Advice
Philosophy of Sexuality
Friendship
My Tweets About Romance

 


Introduction To Sex Toys

SEX TOYS FOR WOMEN

 

Dildos and Vibrators

Dildos are plastic penises that women put in their vagina because it feels good. Vibrators are dildos that vibrate, which also feels good. If you’re not sure which one to buy, get a vibrator, and just don’t turn it on when you want it to be a dildo.

Most sex toys (especially dildos and vibrators) are cheaply made mass produced junk. If you’re going to be using a tool to penetrate yourself and achieve physical pleasure, you want the best-designed tool you can get. Ask the clerk at your sex toy store what their best products are, and be prepared to spend between $60-$140.

Dildos and vibrators come in an intimidating range of sizes and styles for two reasons: First, every vagina is different. One size does not fit all. Petite virgin women will need smaller vibrators than bigger, more sexually experienced women. If you’re not sure what size you need, start small and work your way up. If you’re a virgin or have never used a sex toy, you should definitely start small.

Another reason there are so many different kinds of vibrators is because different models are designed to pleasure women in different ways. Here’s a short list of the most popular types of vibrators:

 

Rabbit Vibrator

When a woman wants a really good, all-around orgasm, she uses a rabbit. It’s sleek and it rotates and vibrates, which helps it ease itself into the vagina, and feels great when it’s in inside. All that internal writhing combined with external clitoral stimulation is a recipe for success.

 

Picture of a rabbit vibrator: Basically a dildo with a clitoral stimulator

 

Small Vibrators

Sometimes you want a full-bodied orgasm that hits every spot you’ve got, but oftentimes in life you don’t have the time, energy or privacy to go all out. Sometimes you’re on vacation, and you don’t want to carry a giant android penis around with you. Small vibrators are convenient to have sometimes. You can use them to stimulate your clit and penetrate your vagina. If you have two then you can do both at the same time.

Ladies, if you only use vibrators when you’re alone, you’re missing out on half their potential. If you’ve never been penetrated with a small vibrator while your love goes down on you, you’re missing out a cherishable life experience.

 

Large Vibrators

Sometimes women want a full-bodied orgasm. Sometimes they want a quickie. Sometimes they use a lot of penetration, and other times not so much. But sometimes, every once and a while a woman may have a passing craving to just get filled up to the breaking point of her sanity. She may not know or even want a man with an elephant trunk to service her. So for those occasions when a woman wants to lay in bed with an erotic novel and fantasize about a dirty, sweaty construction worker four times her size, she can dust off her biggest vibrator and play out that fantasy. Note: A very petite woman’s biggest vibrator may be a medium sized vibrator for a larger woman.

FYI: The biggest dildos
and vibrators are usually only bought as gag gifts.

 

G Spot Stimulators

Different vibrators stimulate different parts of the vagina in different ways, and they’re all worth exploring, but sometimes you want to masturbate with a tool that directly targets your two most sensitive pleasure spots: the clitoris and the G-spot. Lucky for you, they make vibrators that do that. In the case of the We-Vibe, you can even wear it comfortably while having sex. Now that’s a recipe for success.

 

Clitoral Stimulators

Women use different amounts of penetration when they masturbate depending on their mood and fantasy, but most women can’t have orgasms through penetration alone. And most women can have an orgasm without any penetration at all because the majority of a woman’s pleasure nerves are in her clitoris. That’s the red button that launches the atomic bombs. When a woman wants to be sure she has a quick, easy body shaking orgasm all she needs to do is stimulate that pleasure button, which is conveniently located outside of her vagina. Luckily, there are a lot of toys that do that. You could always use a vibrator to stimulate your clit, but the motor that moves a vibrator is inside the handle, far away from the part of the toy making contact with the clit. There are other toys designed to provide more direct stimulation to the clit, such as:

 

Eggs

These are discreet and effective. They provide strong clitoral stimulation, and they usually come with a convenient handle that lets you adjust the speed so you can start out slow and gradually increase the speed. They’re a reliable go-to clit stimulator used by millions of women. Cheap ones tend to break quickly though.

 

Picture of a love egg vibrator. Basically a ball attached to a string, attached to a remote controller

 

Magic Wands

If you love your egg but want to take masturbating to the next level, you need a Hitachi Wand. It’s powerful. It’s reliable, and it’s easy to use. The only downside is it’s not discreet, and it won’t fit in your purse.

 

Pocket Rockets

Pocket Rockets are a very popular choice for women who want clitoral stimulation but they want something small and discreet.  These fun toys are about the size and shape of a tube of lipstick, usually with a soft nub on the business end.  They don’t make a lot of noise, won’t break your wallet, and they are perfect for stimulating the clit.  This is a good starter toy for beginners.

 

Other Clit Stimulators

There are a lot of oddly shaped clit stimulators out there, and some of them look very fancy. If you judge them solely by their price tag, they may seem high quality, but at the end of the day, the value of a clit stimulator tends to be measured by how strong its motor is, and how directly it delivers vibrations to the clit. A $110 tiny toy that looks like it came from the future might not deliver as much pleasure as a motorized ball.

 

 Butterfly and Wearable Clit Stimulators

A hands-free device that stimulates the clit is the holy grail of sex toys. There are a few products on the market that have clit stimulators attached to straps or crotchless panties. They’re not bad, but if your body shape isn’t compatible with the product, the clitoral stimulator might not stay on your clit. Hopefully, you can find a pair that works for you.

 

Nipple Clamps

To a white dressed virgin raised in the Bible Belt, nipple clamps may seem like something only a hardcore BDSM dungeon lurker would buy, but consider that most women have sensitive nipples. It feels good when they’re played with. Nipple clamps can help most women with that. Plus, whatever naughty stigmas they may have just makes them all the more delightfully naughty to use. Just do some internet research on the proper use of nipple clamps.

 

Clit Cream

Porn stores sell different creams that are supposed to stimulate the clitoris. They all basically work like Icy Hot, which you should NOT use as a substitute. The cream makes your skin tingle, which is a sensation in and of itself, but your clit also becomes a little more sensitive for a while. Some girls find it overpowering. Some girls get a little more out of it. I’ve never met a girl who used it regularly, but I’m sure there’s someone out there…. Though I’m not sure if it’s a good idea to chemically overstimulate your clit on a regular basis.

 

SEX TOYS FOR MEN

 

Pocket Pussies

99% of men masturbate. There’s a stigma against using toys because it’s seen as lonely and desperate by some people. For just a moment, stop caring about what people might think about what you do in private, and consider this: The more efficiently you stimulate your penis the better orgasms you’ll get. Given the choice, you’d usually rather feel the sensation of a pussy around your cock than your hand. There are a lot of good products that feel like real pussies and will take your masturbating to a higher level. Just be sure to spend the extra money on a good quality product. Clean your toy, and be aware that you can only fuck a piece of latex so many times before it wears out and needs to be replaced.

If you are going to buy a pocket pussy don’t waste your money on a piece of plastic.  It feels like you’re having sex with a beach ball. Spend the money on the squishy ones.  The Fleshlight is the most famous pocket pussy and for good reason. Its suction power can even make your penis bigger and make you last longer in bed.

 

Picture of several fleshlights: Basically a long cup with a latex vagina in it

 

Cock Rings

Cock rings are simple plastic bands that you stick both your dick and balls through so that the ring hugs the base of your cock against your abdomen and behind your balls. This gives you a bigger erection for longer by limiting blood flow away from your penis. It’s a helpful cure for whiskey dick, but if you cut off blood flow to a body part for more than 4 hours gangrene will set in. Research proper us of cock rings, and use them with caution.

 

Clitoral Stimulating Cock Rings

There’s another flavor of cock rings that don’t go behind your balls. You can spot them because they look more like a large ring than a bracelet. They’re usually made of stretchy plastic, and they have a big vibrating clitoral stimulator on the top. This kind of cock ring slips onto your penis like putting a ring on it. If you try to put it on behind your balls you’re going to cut off all circulation to your genitals, and that’s bad. Slide it down to the base of your shaft and then turn it on. In theory, while wearing this device you’ll be able to have PIV sex with a woman and stimulate her clit at the same time. The problem is the cock ring only stimulates her clit when you’re pressed all the way against her, which makes it useless for doggy style sex and only slightly useful for missionary position sex. It works best in the cowgirl position. It’s a fun novelty, but it’s not a must-have for every toy drawer.

 

Penis Pumps

In theory, penis pumps are supposed to make your dick bigger by stretching it out. I know a few men who swear by them, but the Fleshlight’s Stamina Training model would accomplish the same effect, feel better, and not burst your blood vessels.

 

Erection Pills

You can’t buy Viagra at a sex toy store, but you can buy “penis enhancement pills.” They take about 45 minutes to take effect and give you as big of an erection as you’re capable of having for a few hours. You’ll also be able to orgasm multiple times in quick succession without losing your erection. Then, for the next few days, you’ll get big, longer lasting erections more easily. These pills work as advertised, but they’re very hard on your heart. The packages even say not to take more than one pill every 3-6 days. I doubt many doctors would suggest ever taking these pills. If you do use them, consider taking 1/4th or ½ a pill. And don’t use them if you have health problems, especially heart problems.

 

Prostate Massagers

Men have a prostate gland inside their body that can be stimulated through anal penetration. It’s basically the male G-spot. Men who are interested in anal play but have reservations about what they’re willing to put inside of them should look into prostate stimulators. If you’re going to be shoving something up your ass, it may as well be scientifically designed to target the one place you need to stimulate most without stretching you out like a prison rape victim. Throw caution to the wind and buy a slim, high-quality prostate stimulator and you will be rewarded with sinfully intense orgasms.

 

Picture of a vibrating prostate massager with remote controller

 

Condoms

Condoms are like cheese and windshield wipers; if you buy the cheap stuff you’re going to get a cheap product.  Spend the extra few dollars on good condoms, not the stuff you get out of a vending machine in the bathroom of a bowling alley.  Two dollars is a small price compared to the cost of a baby or venereal disease.

Even among higher-priced condoms, there are still a lot of options, but most of those options are hokey novelties. Glow in the dark condoms are juvenile. Ribbed condoms aren’t very popular with the ladies. Flavored condoms are considerate to use when receiving safe oral sex. The safest bet is to just go with extra-lubricated condoms. When you’re getting frisky with a woman and you have to stop to struggle to put on a condom, if you have a hard time getting your covered penis back in her vagina you could lose your erection, which can lead to frustration, shame, and anxiety. Extra lubricated condoms give you a little extra insurance that won’t happen, and they give your sexual partner little extra insurance that they won’t get rubbed raw by a dry condom.

The most pleasurable (and most expensive) condoms for men and women are called lambskin condoms. However, they don’t protect against AIDS. So only use them with a committed partner who you know doesn’t have an STD (at least, not one that you don’t already have).

 

SEX TOYS FOR MEN AND WOMEN

 

Butt Plugs

If you’re new to anal sex, you may be intimidated by the anal isle at your local sex toy store. Books could be written about all the different kind of anal toys there are out there, but for starters, you only need to know about one: butt plugs. Whether you’re exploring anal play alone or with a partner, butt plugs are safe, enjoyable tools to stimulate yourself with or loosen up someone’s back door to prepare them for anal sex.  Experienced anal sex aficionados will usually start with a small butt plug and gradually put larger ones in to loosen up the anus for anal sex.  Most porn stars do this behind the scenes of movies before a shoot.

Do not ever stick a regular vibrator up your ass! Butt plugs and anal stimulators are designed with a wide base so the toys can’t get accidentally sucked into your rectum.  A regular vibrator does not have that fail-safe.

 

Vanilla Toys

Porn stores carry a useful selection of vanilla sex gear that anyone can use to add a little spice to their sex life like games, restraints, oils, edibles, and other stuff. If you’re too nervous to buy anything else the first time you go to a sex store, pick up one of these vanilla accessories.

 

Lubricants

If nothing else, buy some lube.  It’s not just for anal sex. So, what’s the best personal lubricant available? Well, the answer is going to depend on you and your partner’s likes and dislikes with lube. There are literally thousands of options available and you will want to visit a site like Lubricant Reviews in order to read about what options each lube offers. There are water-based lubes, silicone-based lubes, oil-based lubes, homemade lubes and anal lubes, each with their pros and cons. Sex can be complicated sometimes, and lube goes a long way to making the whole experience more enjoyable for both parties. It also goes a long way to prevent uncomfortable, problematic sex sessions, and ensures you won’t experience chaffing or dryness during sex.You probably won’t regret it.

 

BDSM Gear

Porn stores also sell a useful selection of tools like whips, masks, ropes, riding crops, paddles, and gags that are designed to inflict pain and bind the recipients of their use into mental, emotional and physical submission. It’s understandable how that could look and sound bad, but submissive role-playing can be a healthy, happy, nurturing experience when done correctly. If you don’t believe me, there’s plenty of BDSM literature out there that is very interesting to read even if you decide BDSM just isn’t for you. Everyone should own a pair of fuzzy handcuffs.  Metal ones hurt.  If you don’t want a pair of handcuffs laying around the house sex tape is a comfortable alternative that can add some kink to your life without making you feel like a dominatrix.

 

Sex Cushions

Sex cushions take up a lot of shelf space. So smaller stores may not stock many if any of these. You can order them online though, and every sexually active couple should have one or two of these. Sex is two bodies banging together. Great sex is two bodies banging together from comfortable, sustainable positions that often guide the penis towards the G-spot. Sex cushions open up possibilities for to fuck in slightly better positions. That’s worth spending money on.

 

Picture of sex wedge cushions: basically triangle shaped foam cushions

 

Lingerie

Sex toy stores tend to sell a lot of lingerie. Unfortunately, most of it is outlandish. If you’re looking for elegant, classy lingerie to wear for a lover, go to Victoria’s Secret. Go clothing shopping at a porn store if you’re looking for something naughtier or you want a role-playing costume like a naughty nurse or school girl.

 

If you enjoyed this post, you’ll also like these:

 

Sex positions and techniques
General Sex Advice
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Relationship Advice
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Friendship
My Tweets About Romance

The 13 Rules Of Successful Relationships

1: Be kind to one another

As a general rule, your partners will tend to treat you as well as you treat them. After all, the better you treat them the more reason they’ll have to admire you and care about you. The less often you reciprocate kindness the less lovable you’ll be and the less motivation your partner will have to be kind to you. If your relationship is having trouble the first step you should always take is to be extra kind to your partner every day. If you think belittling, harassing, snapping, or yelling at your partner will ever accomplish anything other than destroying your relationship, then you’re ignorant and should be alone.

If you’re never kind to your partner and they always go out of their way to be kind to you then over time they’ll empty out all of their passion, and when they run out they’ll turn as cold and passionless as you. Then the coldness will turn to bitterness and the person who was once your lover will become your enemy. At that point, you might be able to turn your relationship around by being nice to each other again, but you’ll probably break up and resent each other.

This is very simple. If you’re not going to be kind to one another then there’s no point being together.

 

2: Communicate intimately and regularly

Human beings grow and change as they learn more, have new experiences, change jobs, move and meet new people. As we age we change, and when we change our expectations and goals change. Two people may be perfect for one another one year and then hold each other back the next year not because either of them did anything wrong but because they grew into themselves and outgrew their current relationship. This is the nature of relationships, and the only way to manage this risk by communicating intimately and regularly.

You can’t have a healthy, functional relationship with a stranger. You can’t resolve interpersonal problems between yourself and a stranger. In order to nurture and monitor your relationship, you and your partner need to tell each other everything that’s going on in your head all the time (within reason). The point is the only way to see eye to eye is to see mind to mind.

If you can’t talk to your partner, or your partner won’t open up to you, then one of you needs to walk away because a silent relationship is like driving with your headlights off; you’re going to run into problems.You should want to open up to your lover anyway. If you don’t have the motivation to open up to your partner or they don’t have the motivation to let you in then you’re not really in love, and you should strongly consider separating because neither of you are going to get the emotional nourishment you need from your relationship.

If you’re missing something in your relationship the only way you’re ever going to get it is by telling the other person about it. You need to encourage your partner to tell you if they’re missing anything so you’ll know what you need to do to improve your relationship and give the person you love a chance at happiness.

 

 

3: Don’t accept being treated poorly; stand up for yourself, and don’t be afraid to leave.

The promises you made to your partner and the contracts you’ve signed aren’t more important than your happiness. Staying in a relationship that makes you unhappy is throwing your life away for nothing. You’re not upholding a virtuous moral ideal by staying in an unfulfilling relationship. All you’re doing is hurting yourself.

Nobody deserves to be made unhappy. You can’t screw up in any way that would justify being treated poorly. If your partner can’t treat you with the dignity, respect, and empathy you deserve then they don’t deserve you. Stand up for yourself. Communicate your expectations, and if they’re not met then the mature, wise thing to do is leave. That’s not being unfaithful. That’s not giving up. That’s self-preservation. That’s making the most out of life.

 

4: Do things you enjoy together regularly (hobbies not events), and get away from each other regularly.

In order to be happy you need to do things you enjoy. If you can do things that make you happiest with the person who makes you happiest, then you’re winning at life. You’re also building great memories of one another. So at the end of your life, you’ll look back and see the best times of your life were with that person instead of the best times of your life being when they weren’t there.

Going to movies with another person doesn’t count. If you’re just going to be sitting somewhere staring ahead you could have anyone next to you. It’s not enough for you to go somewhere with your partner. You need to do meaningful, enjoyable things that involve you working together somehow.

As important as it is to do meaningful activities together it’s equally important to get away from each other on a regular basis. No matter how wonderful another person is, if you spend 24 hours per day with them every day you’re going to get bored of each other, and you’re going to get on each other’s nerves. So if you want to stay together for the long haul you need to get away from each other on a regular basis.

 

5: Maintain an active, dynamic sex life

Humans are sexual creatures. We need to have sex, and if we don’t we suffer physically and psychologically. Every time you and your partner’s sex life suffers your relationship will suffer. So both of you need to be proactive about initiating sex and spicing up your sex life.

There’s no one right way to structure your sex life. It depends on the individuals involved. So you need to regularly communicate with your partner about your sex life. Let them know your needs, expectations, fantasies, and disappointments. Help them help you and visa versa.

Even though everyone is different I would still give everyone one piece of advice: oral sex is the magic bullet. It’s hard to be unhappy when you’re getting great oral sex all the time. If your relationship is suffering, give each other more oral sex. You’ll see immediate improvements. And everybody wants oral sex anyway. So you should be giving each other great oral sex already because you care about each other and want to fulfill each other’s wants.

 

 

6: Proactively try to grow and articulate yourself

Your relationship is only as strong as its weakest member. If you don’t proactively teach yourself new knowledge and seek out edifying experiences your mind will atrophy. You’ll forget what you already know. You’ll get stuck in your ways, and regress into a boring old idiot. In that state, you won’t be able to fulfill your own potential much less help your partner through their personal saga of life. If your life only has a vague direction, you’ll bumble through life semi-lucidly never really getting anywhere, and you’ll keep your partner in life from getting anywhere as well.

Learn. Think. Grow.

 

7: Learn about the differences between men and women.

If you’re going to be proactively studying important subjects anyway, you may as well start with learning the differences between how men and women think. After all, if you’re going to spend the rest of your life with a member of the opposite sex it’s important that you understand them. Even if you’re going to spend the rest of your life with a member of your own sex, half the world’s population is still made up of the opposite sex. So it would serve you well to understand them.

There have been dozens, possibly hundreds of books written on the psychology of the sexes. There are even university courses on the subject. Read those textbooks before you buy self-help books written by self-proclaimed gurus with dubious credentials… such as myself.

 

8: Don’t date stupid or crazy people

Crazy, stupid people do crazy stupid things. If you let a cloud of bats live in your bedroom then your life is going to be hell. Learn how to spot crazy and stupid and stay far, far away from them.

 

 

9: Your happiness is your own responsibility.

This last rule is a combination of rule #3 and rule #9. Your partner should want you to be happy. After all, if they don’t, then why are they there? Yet at the same time, your happiness is ultimately your responsibility. If you can’t be happy without someone else constantly checking up on you and tending to your every, need then you’re behaving like a parasite, and you’re going to consume your partner. Once you’ve nibbled away your partner’s soul your relationship is going to crumble and your own chances of happiness will crumble right along with it.

Do what you need to do to keep yourself happy. Give what you expect to get back and more. Don’t rely on someone else to keep you happy. If you can’t keep yourself happy then they won’t be able to either. Then nobody will get to be happy and it would have been better for both of you if you’d never met.

 

10: A lover who doesn’t let you be yourself doesn’t love you for who you are.

If you lover constantly harasses you for going out with your friends or doing the things you want to do until you break down and behave the way they want you to behave then they must dislike who you are and what you want out of life. You’re never going to share and celebrate your life with one another. You’re just going to fight until you either leave or become their willing slave. No matter how many positive traits your partner may have, if they don’t respect you for who you are and give you space to do the things you enjoy then you don’t have a healthy relationship. You’re just being taken advantage of by someone who cares more about themself than you.

 

11: Don’t confuse co-dependency with love.

If you base your perception of love on Disney movies and pop music then what you call love is actually co-dependency. I’m not saying you’re codependent if your partner still takes your breath away even after ten years. I’m saying you’re codependent if you can’t breathe without them being right next to you worshiping you every moment of every day. If you can’t live without your partner’s love and affection you’re going to smother and cripple them, and when they’re too worn down and stressed out to live up to your unrealistic expectations you’re going to hate them, yourself and life itself because your life will be meaningless without a host to feed on.

Don’t confuse co-dependency with love.  Couples should be able to stand alone as individuals. Two individuals who are complete alone, will make a greater whole when they’re together than two people who need someone else to use as a crutch. So base your philosophy on relationships on reason, not oversimplified commercial children’s stories.

 

 

12: Learn how to argue for truth as opposed to winning.

Inevitably you’re going to have a disagreement with your partner, and often times little disagreements can escalate into big ones, especially when couples are already stressed out. Disagreements aren’t inherently a bad thing. They’re an opportunity to bridge a gap that’s come between you and your lover, but immature people don’t see it that way. Immature people see a disagreement a challenge to be won, but that means there has to be a loser. That means in order for you to win your lover has to lose. When you beat or shout your lover into submission you might win the battle, but you lose the war. It doesn’t matter who “wins” an argument. All that matters is your relationship.

When you argue, listen to your partner’s entire argument before uttering a word. When you do speak, ask for clarifications and elaborations. Find out everything on their mind and then think about that. Bend over backward to look at the situation from their point of view, and assume (for the sake of argument) that you’re wrong. Even if you’re right you’re probably wrong about something. In order to win the war, you need to find out what that is and correct it. If you’d proactively analyzed yourself for flaws beforehand you wouldn’t have to wait for them to drive your partner to the breaking point where they feel the need to confront you about your flaws.

 

13: Don’t hold back.

There are two parts to this piece of advice. First, don’t be afraid to love. Holding back and waiting to let yourself love someone or to tell them you love them until after you have ten tons of proof to justify your emotions doesn’t defend the integrity of love. It merely postpones your connection with the most important person in your life. Granted, there’s a limit. You don’t want to tell someone you love them on the first date; that’s just co-dependency. Having said that, there’s also a line where withholding your emotions is just being cold, and the consequences of holding back a little too long are worse than jumping the gun a little bit.

The other way you don’t want to hold back is by not letting the other person in. It’s understandable that you don’t want to be hurt. It’s understandable that you don’t want to share your deepest secrets with a complete stranger. However, if you’re in a committed relationship with someone and you keep holding them at arm’s length and never letting them swim through your soul then you’re just torturing the most important person in your life, and you’ll never be able to build a deeper relationship if they can’t dive into you.

 

If you enjoyed this post, you’ll also like these:

 

Sex positions and techniques
General Sex Advice
Dating Advice
Relationship Advice
Philosophy of Sexuality
Friendship
My Tweets About Romance

 


Tips On Impressing Men Using Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs

TL;DR: If you want to make a man attracted to you, then fill his needs.

 

EVOLUTIONARY PSYCHOLOGY IS THE BEST WAY TO UNDERSTAND WHAT MEN WANT

 

Men typically aren’t looking for a tall, dark and handsome woman to hold him in her strong arms at night and be a successful breadwinner who his frenemies will be jealous of. What men are looking for is a woman who will be their caretaker and copilot through their lifelong quest to find themselves and provide for their family. The reason men are looking for that kind of woman is because she compliments the demands society places on men, and evolution has programmed men’s brains to understand this even if they don’t consciously understand it themselves.

Men and women’s entire bodies are filled with subtle differences, which optimize our gender-specific role in reproduction. Everyone’s brain is hardwired with instincts that subconsciously manipulate our decision-making process into doing things that will improve our chances of passing our genes on through an ideal mate. We’re not complete automatons, but we’re not completely free or unique either.

We’re all looking for the ideal mate, and even if we don’t have any idea what he or she looks like, the instinctual autopilot ghosts inside our heads do. They’re looking for a mate who can help us and our offspring climb Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs.

 

 

Think of the five stages of the Hierarchy of Needs as five fronts in man’s battle against the world. The more a woman can assist him in each of those battles, the more valuable and thus attractive of a life partner she’ll be… and the more he’ll want to fight for her.

 

THE 1ST FRONT: SURVIVAL PSYCHOLOGY

 

Life is a battle for survival. You can lose every other battle in life and keep going, but not the battle for survival. When you show a man you can give birth to healthy babies and help him and his offspring survive and thrive, you give him a reason to want you in his life. He might not think in those terms, but the instinctual evolutionary ghosts inside his head do. He might even have inflexible reasons for staying single and childless, but if you send the right signals to the ghosts in his head, they’ll put rose-colored glasses over his eyes. He might not change his entire life for you, but a part of him will be attracted to you.

 

Be attractive (in all 5 senses).

Evolution wants us to copulate with the healthiest mate in order to produce the healthiest offspring. So subconsciously we associate indicators of good health with attractiveness. Women are programmed to like big, strong, healthy men who are well groomed, smell nice and dress for success. Men are programmed to be attracted to women with toned skin, vibrant hair, a breast-hip-waist ratio of about 86-61-86 cm, who smell nice and have a soothing voice. Granted, that’s just the middle of the Bell Curve. There are men with fetishes for every conceivable body type, but statistically speaking, women have the highest chance of impressing the most amount of men by being healthy and fit.

You could argue that men should blindly accept women for who they are regardless of their body type, and there’s truth to that statement. There’s also truth to the statement that everyone should be striving to be healthy for their own sake anyway. It’s also true that an unhealthy lifestyle leads to health problems, and your problems become your family’s problems. If you choose to burden your family with unnecessary problems then you’re a liability to them. Men might not fully realize or care about that, but Mother Nature does, and she generally tries to steer men towards healthier members of the dating pool. That’s not petty. It’s practical. Even if it’s unfair, that’s life.

 

Be willing and eager to pleasure him sexually.

It’s the least profound thing in the world to say that men want to have sex. 99% of the male population masturbates because 99% of the male population is effectively addicted to sex. 99% of the male population is searching for a woman who wants to have sex with him. So, after looking sexy, the quickest, most effective way a woman can make a man more attracted to her is to have quality sex with him.

This doesn’t mean that men will automatically commit to and love a woman after she’s had sex with him. Nor does it mean that women should rush into having sex or let every guy they sleep with give them “ass to mouth.” Sex is a major life decision for a woman, and the decision belongs to her completely. She doesn’t owe her body to any man for any reason.

I’m just pointing out that sex is as important to men as success is to women, and if you give someone what they want then they’ll want to be around you more often. Men want sexual pleasure. So the more sexual pleasure you give them, the happier they’ll be, the more likely they’ll want to be around you and reciprocate the happiness you’ve given them.

The only way for couples to understand their partner’s sexual desires by communicating directly and openly. The more conversations you have about your sexual expectations the more successfully you’ll be able to fill them on mutually agreeable terms.

 

 

Help him succeed, and don’t hold him back.

Life is hard for men. They work their butts off and stress over taking care of their family. It’s a profound relief for a man to find a woman who not only acknowledges and respects the weight he’s under but does whatever is in her power to help him succeed. The easier she makes his life, the more valuable of a mate she becomes. Women should be proactively plotting how to build up their man and help him succeed anyway because when he succeeds, the family succeeds. A woman who complains about everything her man does/doesn’t do and won’t lift a finger to help him is just shooting her lover in the heart and herself in the foot.

 

THE 2ND FRONT: PSYCHOLOGICAL SAFETY

 

Life isn’t lived when you’re constantly fighting for survival. A man is as grateful for a woman who can foster a sense of safety and harmony in his life as a soldier is grateful for a bunker.

 

Be faithful.

There’s no point in a man fighting for a woman who is just going to leave him. When a woman does cheat on a man, it means everything he fought for was in vain. Not only did he lose, he lost because he was betrayed by the very person he was fighting for. Getting cheated on is one of the most humiliating, emasculating tragedies that could happen to a man. If you want another man, then leave the one you have first, because cheating is as cruel as kicking puppies.

Life is war, and war is a lonely, terrifying place when you can’t trust the soldier next to you. If you can though, your worries will be halved, and the two of you will experience an interpersonal bond that transcends all others.

 

Don’t be a gold digger.

Men work hard to provide for their family, and life is as expensive as it can be. Everything we buy costs as much as possible, and the more vital the product or service, the more overpriced it is. You have to go into a lifetime of debt just to get a college degree that opens entry-level career doors, and most jobs pay as little as possible and offer as few benefits as possible. Mortgages are so overpriced that you have to go into another 30 years of debt to buy a house, and even if you can beat the system and save enough for retirement, all of your savings will be wiped out by astronomical health care bills in old age. Our entire economy is designed to make the rich richer by making the poor poorer.  This is the entire reason why so many people have to work as hard and as fast as they can for 40+ hours per week at jobs they hate making barely enough to survive because workers are fighting a battle that they’ve been set up to fail.

The last thing a man needs in his life is a gold digger wasting the money he paid for in blood, setting him and his family back, making him work longer and harder just to keep up. Men are often happy to give away all their money to the woman they’re infatuated or in love with, but in the end, all the added stress that comes with supporting a wasteful spender will make a man frustrated, anxious and depressed. This will make him unpleasant to live with, and the relationship will probably end in flames.

Considering what a burden it is for a man to support a gold digger, imagine what a relief it is to a man to find out that his date isn’t a gold digger. Now, imagine how grateful he would be to find out that his date, not only isn’t a gold digger, but will actually spend money on him. Men never expect women to spend money on them. They expect to be expected to be women’s slaves. When a man finds a woman who helps him financially more than she costs him, he’ll believe he’s found a keeper.

 

Be there when he needs you.

Pampering a man too much makes a baby out of him and a slave out of you. However, men’s minds and bodies take a lot of hits and go through a lot of wear and tear. So they need regular preventative and corrective maintenance. Most of the time all he needs is a pat on the back, a kiss on the forehead, a hug, and a compliment about his penis. As little positive feedback as men get from life, a massage, blowjob, or home-cooked meal can feel like Christmas to a man. So it should come as no surprise that a man will climb a mountain to be with a woman who is there for him when he needs her.

 

 

THE 3RD FRONT: SOCIAL PSYCHOLOGY

 

Impress his family and friends.

Everyone takes their relationships seriously. Women talk to their friends and family about the men in their life all the time, and the opinions of their inner circle hold a lot of sway. Men do the same thing. So if you want a guy to like you, it will only help if his friends and family like you.

Insecure girls may try to cause drama with their man’s family to turn him against them in order to keep him all for herself. This twisted plan is almost guaranteed to backfire. He may choose you over his family for a little while, but eventually, he’s going to look around and wonder why he doesn’t have any friends anymore, and he’s going to realize you’re the problem. If you’re going around tearing families apart then you should be single until you get the therapy you obviously need.

 

Don’t lower a man’s rank in the social hierarchy.

Women are generally more turned on by men in authority than men are by women in authority, and women are more excited by the prospect of dating a popular/famous person than men are. Whether or not a woman raises a man’s social standing is usually a non-issue to him. Men are more concerned with what a woman can do for him behind closed doors. Having said that, there’s a limit to how big of a hit a man will take in his reputation for a woman. Basically, as long as you’re not an offensive, repulsive, stinky mutant you should be okay. So if you want to obsess over how you can go above and beyond to make a man attracted to you, don’t focus on how you can improve his reputation. Focus more on how you can make him smile and lower his stress level.

While most adult males aren’t too concerned with popularity, they are concerned with being respected by the people they regularly interact with. Losing the respect of their peers would devastate their sense of self-worth. There’s not much a woman can do to help a man gain the respect of his peers other than helping him succeed in life in general. Even if you could somehow talk a man’s friends into respecting him more, that’s not a woman’s job, and it’s not necessary anyway. All you have to do is not embarrass and emasculate him in front of people he respects. You’d think that would go without saying, but soon-to-be-single women do it every day.

 

 

THE 4TH FRONT: SELF-ESTEEM

 

Make him feel good and smile.

This is a simple yet powerful truth: Everyone wants to feel good. So we naturally gravitate towards people who make us smile, and we recoil from people who make us frown. The more you can make a man smile, the more reasons you give him to keep coming back to you. The less you make him smile, and the more you make him frown, the more reasons you give him to stay away from you. Just generally be a warm compassionate, good person, and your man will probably smile when he’s around you.

 

Boost his confidence.

A man who believes in himself will find a way to overcome any obstacle. A man who doesn’t believe in himself will find a way to screw up every opportunity. Confidence is one of the biggest prerequisites to success. So it should come as no surprise that women find confidence in a man so sexy.

What does come as a surprise is how many women will criticize, insult, and guilt-trip men for failing to live up to their expectations. When a woman lowers a man’s confidence, she reprograms his brain to fail more. When a woman compliments her man out of the blue, praises his success, and reassures him when he fails, she reprograms his brain to succeed more.

Not only is she designing a stronger man to take care of her and her offspring, she’s making him happier. A confident mind is a safe, enjoyable place to live. A self-loathing mind is a horrible place to live. If you give a man a reason to feel better about himself, you give him a reason to come back to you. If you give a man a reason to doubt himself, you give him a reason to recoil from you.

 

Show him you value and appreciate him.

It doesn’t cost anything to say, “You’re special. I care about you. I love you. I appreciate you. You mean the world to me.” When a man hears those words, it validates all the work he’s ever done in his entire life to get where he is today, and it validates all the work he’s put into impressing and catching the woman he’s with. It’s basically telling him, “You win.” Yes, men want to hear that, and they have little motivation to leave a woman who makes him feel like a winner.

You can tell your man you care about him by saying it with a blowjob, a thoughtful gift, a look, or a kiss. How you express your love is limited only by your imagination, but if you never actually verbally articulate to a man in no uncertain terms that you care about him, he’ll eventually start feeling like a loser. He’ll feel empty and hurt inside and start thinking about leaving you for someone he can win with… which would be tragically ironic if you actually did care about him.

 

THE 5TH FRONT: SELF-ACTUALIZATION

 

When all of life’s trials have been conquered, the only thing left to do is achieve self-actualization. This is the cherry on top of the love cake. If you can pass the fifth trial then you can connect with your lover on the deepest emotional, mental and spiritual levels.

 

Understand him.

In order to make a man happy, you have to fulfill his wants. You won’t know what he wants until you understand him. Learn everything you can about him until you know him so well you can predict his wants. But as you’re studying him, understand that you’re not just doing it so that you can be a better servant to him. Most men don’t want to spend the rest of their life with a servant. They want to spend the rest of their life with a woman who gets them.

 

Support his interests.

Most men are looking for a woman to devote their life to, but that doesn’t mean the only thing they want to do with the rest of their life is follow you around like a whipped slave, catering to your every need, and obeying your every command. A man is his own person. He has his own goals and interests, and he takes great personal satisfaction out of pursuing his own path.

When a woman shows interest in a man’s hobbies, she shows interest in the man. When she supports the hobby, she supports the man. When she ignores his interests, she ignores him. When she tells him his interests are stupid and a waste of time, she tells him he’s stupid and a waste of time. Thus, she tells him it would be a stupid, waste of time to stay with her.

 

Don’t emasculate him.

Men should respect and support women’s femininity. Men should be patient with women’s differences and compromise their own behavior to accommodate women’s foreign ways. At the very least, men should not urinate on the toilet seat, argue with women, get impatient when women cry, hang posters of Playboy bunnies in the living room, or expect women to love The Expendables as much as they do.

Every woman in the world can agree that it would be a criminal injustice for a man to force a woman to live exactly like a man. Yet it’s not uncommon for women to try to cut off men’s balls and force them to sit down to pee, hold their purse, hold in their farts, dress metrosexual, drive a pastel-colored car, watch Lifetime movie marathons and never do or say anything remotely masculine. A lot of women see this as finding the perfect man and fixing him, like housebreaking a wild animal. In reality, it’s breaking a man down and killing him inside. It’s caging and torturing a noble stallion.

If you cage a man and try to turn him into something he’s not, he’ll look at the moon every night and dream of running away… as well he should. If you celebrate a man for what he is, and nurture his nature, he’ll look at your face every night and thank his lucky stars he found someone so accepting and supportive.

 

 

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How To Spice Up Your Sex Life Without Getting Too Kinky

1. Be nicer to each other in general.

If things have cooled down in the bedroom there’s a good chance things have cooled down between you and your lover in general. If you want to rekindle the fire in the bedroom, start by rekindling your love and passion for one another. That passion will naturally pour over into the bedroom, and the sex you do have will be more meaningful.

Even if you don’t currently have any problems in the bedroom, you should still make a conscious effort to be nicer to your lover. Love is a flower that needs to be watered every day to blossom and stay vibrant. So make an extra effort to compliment each other, do nice things for each other and tell each other how much you care about one another.

 

2. Have an open conversation with your lover about your sexual expectations.

If there is anything about your relationship that’s bothering you, then you should have an open conversation with your lover about it. Unresolved complaints only get worse, and the only way they’re going to get resolved is by talking about them. If you can’t talk to your lover then you either need to get couples therapy or break up. If you can talk to your lover then talk to them. Ask them what their sexual expectations are and tell them about yours. Get to know each other’s fantasies, and work out a plan where everyone gets what they want. Improving your sex life can be as simple as that.

 

 

3. Talk erotically during (and not during) sex

If you and your partner are always completely silent during sex other than a few moans and grunts, the least you could do to spice up your sex life is to throw a little dialogue into sex every once in a while. It doesn’t have to be raunchy and corny. If nothing else, say, “Baby, I love you,” once at some point during sex.

Compliment your lover during sex. Tell them how attractive they are. Everyone goes through a lifetime of trouble to look good in order to have sex. It’s very gratifying to have that hard work verbally acknowledged and praised by the person you did all that work for. And when your lover gratifies you by complimenting your sexiness it makes you want to reciprocate the gratification.

Call out your lover’s name during sex. That’s not corny at all. It feels great to have someone scream out your name in ecstatic passion. Give that gift to your lover.

Sex isn’t something that only happens in the bedroom. Tell your lover naughty things in the morning before work and throughout the day. Sext them. Randomly tell them how sexy they are. Tell them how horny they make you. Tell them to spend the rest of the day imagining you fucking them. Describe what you’re going to do to them and leave that thought with them to carry through the day. They’ll have a good day, and you’ll probably both have a good night.

 

4. Vary your sexual positions.

Write the following list of sex positions on a piece of paper, and keep that piece of paper by your bed. Every time you have sex in one of the positions on the list, put a mark next to that position. At the end of a month, you should be able to get a good idea of what you’re doing too much of and not enough of. Adding new positions to your list will only make your sex life spicier.

 

 

5. Vary the speed and duration of your sex.

If your sex life happens on Tuesday and Thursdays between 9pm and 10pm, of course your sex life is going to get boring. Write the following list of sexual encounters on a piece of paper and keep it by your bed. Each time you have sex, put a mark next to which kind of sex you had. At the end of a month, you should be able to see what you’re doing too much of and where you have room to spice things up.

  • Quickie
  • Tantric Sex
  • Slow, Passionate Romantic Sex
  • Routine Sex
  • Morning Sex
  • Afternoon Delight
  • Sleeping Sex
  • Wild Romp
  • Fuck Me Like You Don’t Care About My Feelings Sex

 

6. Have more oral sex.

It’s hard to be unhappy when you’re reciprocating great oral sex with someone on a regular basis. If that’s not part of your life then you’re doing it wrong. If you’re really in love you should be reciprocating oral sex anyway, because nothing says, “I love you” more than putting someone’s genitals in your mouth.

 

7. Use toys

Toys aren’t dirty or kinky. They’re not a danger. They’re an opportunity. But if you’re bashful about the idea of using toys in bed, the least you could do is get an egg/bullet shaped clitoral stimulator. It’s discreet and nonthreatening looking. And it makes miracles. Most women can’t achieve orgasm through penis-in-vagina sex alone; they need clitoral stimulation. A girl can stimulate her clit easily during sex with an egg/bullet shaped clitoral stimulator. That means she can orgasm during sex all the time. That’s not shameful. That’s sex done correctly.

 

 

8. Make videos

Making sex videos is fun to do. It’s fun to watch afterward, and the replays can be very educational and inspirational.

 

9. Change your environment

If the only place you ever have sex is your bedroom then of course sex is going to get boring. If nothing else, rearrange your bedroom every once in a while. Better yet, go have sex somewhere else. If nothing else, fuck in other rooms of your house. Fuck in your car. Get a hotel room and fuck there. Go camping. Find excuses to get out of the house and find new legal places to have sex. You could probably use the change of scenery anyway.

 

10. Wear sexy underwear

You wouldn’t expect your lover to wear expensive, sexy underwear all the time, but if they did you’d love it. They’d love it if you wore sexy underwear all the time. It would turn them on and make them associate you with the idea of sex. Plus, you’ll feel sexier and more confident yourself.

 

11. Sex slave Sunday

Imagine this. Every other Sunday you and your lover take turns being the sex master for the entire day while the other plays the role of the submissive. I’m not saying every other Sunday one of you gets locked in a cage naked and has wet dog food thrown at them through the bars. If your lover offers you a blank sexual check for a day and all you ask for is a blowjob at lunchtime, that’s cool. The important thing is you got what you wanted, and next week you’re going to get to reciprocate the selflessness your lover showed you on your weekend in control. This way nobody goes more than two weeks without getting what they want. If you institute sex slave Sunday, be sure to agree on a safe word.

 

12. Go to therapy

If your sex life sucks and your love life sucks you might consider going to couples therapy. Think of your love life as a child. If your real child gets sick you rush it to the doctor because your child is important to you. If you love child is important to you then take it to the love doctor when it’s sick.

 

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Advice To Female Virgins About Having Sex

1: Men want sex all the time. This doesn’t make them evil.

Men’s sex drive is generally much stronger than women’s. Men (particularly teens) crave it so badly it hurts. Unfortunately, this means that nature has inflicted a conundrum on you as a woman because denying your boyfriend any sexual relief will likely cause him a great deal of anxiety, and if he has to wait too long to get relief from you he may go looking for it elsewhere. I’m not saying he’s right or you’re wrong. I’m not saying you have to “give it up” to prove that you care about him or that he’s justified in cheating on you if you withhold sex from him. You don’t owe your boyfriend sex. You owe it to yourself to be true to yourself. So don’t have sex until you’re ready. Take care of yourself, and don’t let yourself be pressured into doing anything you’re not ready for.

Just be aware of your boyfriend’s condition so you can understand where he’s coming from. He’s not a creep for wanting to have sex; he’s a human being. Instead of complaining about his urges and silently stone-walling him, communicate openly about your sexual expectations, and encourage him to do the same. If you’re not ready for sex then you may consider just staying single. You may also consider giving him handjobs and blowjobs. There’s no one-size-fits-all solution here. The important thing is for both of you figure out what’s right for you and communicate proactively about it.

If you are at a point in your life and your relationship where you’re ready to have sex, there are a few things you should know about men. Firstly, men weren’t born with a handbook to understanding women. It takes years for men to achieve even a basic understanding of the female mind and body. Don’t expect men to be able to read your mind, and don’t hold it against them if they do something wrong. Don’t be demanding or judgmental. In order to make your first sexual experiences as enjoyable and effective as possible for both of you, you need to do what you can to make each other feel safe and comfortable. If your man doesn’t know how to please you, then instead of resenting him for it, you need to take responsibility for getting what you want/need by training your man how to please you. You don’t have to wait until after you’ve had sex to do this.

 

 

2: Men aren’t born sexperts. Have realistic expectations, be patient, and don’t judge.

Young men may not understand that most women can’t achieve orgasm without clitoral stimulation. They may not even know what the clitoris is or where it is. They may not understand what your G-spot is, where it is or how to stimulate it. They may also not understand how important the emotional and contextual aspects of sex are for you. Young men tend to go into their first sexual encounters assuming that women view sex exactly the same as men. Since men are practical, goal-oriented thinkers they tend to view sex as a physical act that revolves around physically stimulating each other until you both achieve orgasm and then the act is over. That’s not to say that men are emotionless machines, but they do have a tendency to not understand that for women, sex is as much (if not more) about the two people involved connecting emotionally and making the most out of the overall experience than simply stimulating each other’s genitals as proficiently as possible until you both orgasm.

Men won’t know these things until they figure it out through trial and error or until someone tells them. So, again, communicate openly with your man about your wants and needs. Also, encourage them to do their own research on the internet other than watching porn videos. If nothing else, share the link to this essay with them.

Also, understand that men feel extreme pressure to succeed at all aspects of life. So there’s a good chance they’ll be obsessing the whole time over everything they’re doing in a desperate attempt to prove their manhood. They do this partly out of a selfish desire to prove their worth to their self, but they judge their success by how much they please you, and they do selflessly want to please you.

In fact, they may be so nervous about pleasing you that their anxiety will cause them to not be able to get an erection. And there’s nothing more terrifying or humiliating to a man than not being able to get an erection during sex. If that happens they’ll experience an avalanche of guilt and embarrassment that they surely won’t be able to get an erection. Then they’ll leave feeling awful, and they’ll regret it the rest of their lives.

As a girl, you know how anxiety can cripple your ability to enjoy sex. Even though some guys can’t wait to get their penis in your vagina, others are just as nervous as you. The more anxiety they feel, the less sexually capable they’ll be. Despite what television may have taught you, all men are not supermen, and most men who come across as supermen are not actually supermen. They’re just really good liars. So don’t expect your man to be a superman. Expect them to be just as human as you. If you want to have the best sexual experience with them then make them feel as comfortable, safe and desired as you want to be. Create a warm, accepting atmosphere for them where they can flourish.

 

3: Men want to do whatever pleases you.

This brings us to the topic of how you can physically please your man when the time comes. Luckily for you, men are easy to please sexually. One simple way to please your man is to just do whatever pleases you. As long as you’re having sex with him and being an active participant and enjoying yourself then he’s probably going to enjoy it too. Truly, the one thing that drives men the craziest during sex is seeing/hearing/smelling/tasting their lover having the time of their life. Almost the only way you can go wrong is by just lying there like a sack of potatoes. Even then, you’ll find that guys often like to take control and all you can do is just hold on for dear life while they ravage you (in a good way). Even when he takes control, you can still participate by moaning and shouting, which you may enjoy doing anyway.

 

4: Try new things on a regular basis.

When you finally find yourself in a long-term sexual relationship you’re going to need to try different things to keep your sex life interesting. That means having sex in different positions and in different places. You can try role playing, talking dirty, incorporating toys, blindfolds, handcuffs. The list goes on forever. You don’t have to do everything, and you don’t have to do anything you’re uncomfortable with. However, if you’re never open to expanding your horizons you will probably bore your man, and you’ll be missing out on adventures yourself. Getting kinky doesn’t make you a disgusting slut. It makes you well-rounded.

 

5: Blowjobs are your best friend.

Blowjobs are your silver bullet. If you can give a great blowjob and you volunteer to give them to your man on a regular basis he will bend over backward for you. If you complain about giving blowjobs, rarely give them to him, and barely put forth an effort when you do, I can guarantee he will complain to his friends about how inattentive you are to his wants/needs. Is that fair? Maybe not, but that’s life. And if you expect him to perform great oral sex on you then you should reciprocate.

If you’re simply refuse to stick your partner’s penis in your mouth for whatever reason, don’t act all disgusted, disappointed, and resentful when your man tries to initiate a blowjob. In doing so, you’re telling him that his dick is a revolting, unlovable piece of trash. Men’s dicks are very important to them. They love them. They name them. They base a portion of their self-worth on them. If you’re going to insult your lover’s manhood, you may as well literally kick them in his disgusting balls, because that’s what you’re doing to him emotionally.

 

 

6: Don’t fake orgasms.

Don’t fake orgasms. If a man isn’t bringing you to orgasm then tell him how to improve his technique. Faking orgasms just teaches him that whatever he’s doing wrong is what you like best. There may come a day when you’re having sex and you’re not really into and you just want it to end and you decide to fake an orgasm to get him to hurry up and finish. If you’re going to tell a white lie, tell him that you’re sore and that you’ll finish him off with a hand job or blowjob.

 

7: Pornography is not your enemy.

A lot of women feel threatened by their man masturbating to pornography or masturbating at all. This is understandable but ultimately unfounded. Like I said earlier, men have voracious sexual appetites, so much so that you may not want to have sex every single time they do. So they’re going to masturbate. 99% of men do masturbate, and it’s not because they don’t want you or they want someone else. They just want to masturbate. If it brings them any amount of happiness then you should want that for them.

 

8: Pee after sex.

If you don’t use the bathroom within a few minutes after sex you highly increase your odds of getting a urinary tract infection, especially if you have sex in one of the deeper penetrating positions such as the folded lawn chair.

 

If you enjoyed this post, you’ll also like these:

 

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