Category Archives: Sex, Relationships and Dating

My middle of the road theory on sexual morality and gender labels

If an American turned on their television in the 1950’s, they’d see women cooking and cleaning the house, and men going to work in business suits. Boys played with toy guns, and girls played with dolls. There were only two choices for sex and gender, but it wasn’t really a choice, because the genitals you were born with determined how society expected you to behave.  If you were born with a penis, you acted like Ward Clever, and if you were born with a vagina, you acted like June Clever.

In the 1950’s, American television culture was so prudish, sitcoms weren’t allowed to show married heterosexual couples in the same bed.  So husbands and wives were always portrayed sleeping in separate twin-sized beds, fully clothed. When the children who grew up watching “Leave it to Beaver” became adults, they considered the sitcom, “Three’s Company” obscene, because it showed a single man living with two single females. To the old timers’ dismay, “Three’s Company” was popular enough with the younger generation to last eight seasons.

In 2004, the Baby Boomers who grew up on “Three’s Company” considered “The L Word” obscene because it showed promiscuous lesbians living together and getting married. The only reason “The L Word” was allowed on television at all, was because it aired on late night cable, far from the impressionable eyes of children.

It didn’t take another twenty years for society to accept the next next jump in which sexual norms are allowed to be shown on television. In less than a decade, the bonds of tradition loosened to the point that NBC (a family-oriented channel) produced, “The New Normal,” a sitcom in which two gay men hire a woman to be a surrogate mother for their child.

If that wasn’t enough to give Baby Boomers heart attacks, they also had to come to terms with  shows like “Ru Paul’s Drag Race” and “Keeping up with the Kardashians,” in which transsexuals openly demand to be celebrated. To the old timers’ dismay, both of those shows are so popular with young people, they’ve already lasted more seasons than “Three’s Company.”

In the history of mankind, society has never changed this fast. The reason this is happening now, is because technology is spreading information to people, who are learning more, faster than ever. Radio and TV were unprecedented, but the invention of the internet sped up communication exponentially, and its pace is still compounding. If things are changing so fast right now your head is spinning, it’s going to have spun completely off your body in twenty years, because this whirlwind of change is only going to get faster.

Sexual orientation and gender norms have always been debated, but the conversation has never been this polarized or violent. The reason the national dialogue on sex and gender isn’t as calm as it was in the 1990’s is because we’re all in uncharted territory. The young, progressive liberals leading the charge are as lost as the elderly conservative curmudgeons who are holding onto tradition. Moderates in the middle are wondering who is less wrong.

For example, you used to be considered a liberal progressive if you believed in women’s right to work or homosexuals’ right to marry, but if the progressive social justice warriors get their way in 2017, when you fill out a job application that asks your gender, it will have to include 50-80 different types of gender pronouns your coworkers will have to address you by, according to your choice.

Don’t ask me to explain this chart. I don’t know.

To some of America’s social justice warriors, those pronouns aren’t enough to accurately label everyone. So they invented a chart explaining how sex and gender are part of a spectrum, which children can use to determine the nature of their gender and sexuality. Every American agrees freedom of choice is a good thing, but even moderate liberals laugh and cringe at The Gender Unicorn.

There actually is a degree of truth to the fluidity of sex and gender, but it’s more nuanced than social justice warriors or Christians are ready to admit. For starters, the traditional way of thinking about sex and gender is that there are only two possibilities. You’re either a boy with a penis or a girl with a vagina. Life isn’t that simple. Sex organs are determined by chromosomes. If you have an XY chromosome, you’ll be born with a penis and all the hormones that make you think and act masculine. If you have  XX chromosomes, you’ll be born with a vagina and all the chromosomes that make you think and act feminine.

However, people are often born with a mismatched combination of chromosomes like XXY, XXXY, or just X. These genetic codes create mixed signals within people’s body. Some combinations will cause someone to have the body of one sex, but the mental wiring of the other.  This makes them feel like they’re living in the wrong body, and no amount of will-power or philosophizing is going to change that. In these cases, getting a sex change is a drastic, but legitimate, choice.

Some conservatives argue this saying, “You may have the choice to cut your dick off, but how is that not insane?” Well, insanity is defined as “a pattern of mental or behavioral patterns that may be abnormal to social norms and definitely causes someone to be a danger to themselves or others.”

Chopping your dick off is definitely abnormal. It’s probably not going to cause you to harm other people, but the suicide rate among transsexuals is above average. So technically, being a transsexual fits the definition of insanity, but so does autism and ADHD. Down syndrome and neurofibromatosis are caused by abnormal chromosomes. So if you’re going to hate transsexuals for being born with a more difficult genetic makeup to manage than the average person, then you need to hate almost everybody.

Some transsexuals don’t have abnormal chromosomes, but their life experiences convinced them to seek a new identity. For example, I once met a man who got a sex change and lived as a woman. He was molested repeatedly by his father as a child, and he told me that at one point, when he was being raped, it was like a switch went off in his head. He remembered thinking, “Daddy has sex with mommy, and daddy is having sex with me. So I must be a mommy.” The rest of his life was a downward spiral into confusion and self-destructive behavior. Technically, this person’s thoughts and behavior fit the definition of insanity, but if you’re going to hate him for that, you’re not trying to understand anything, and you’re one of the bad guys.  Even if he made the wrong decision, that doesn’t mean he deserves to be hated.

On a lighter note, I once met a teenage girl who identified as a man, but she spent her evenings shopping for shoes on her smart phone and doing everything girls do, including dating guys. She got swept up in the social movement for sexual equality before she was old enough to understand genetics and found a niche that gave her an identity even though it didn’t truly fit her. She’ll undoubtedly grow out of it, like I grew out of my heavy metal phase.Does this make her an insane piece of shit who deserves to be spat on? No. She’s just a naive kid trying to find herself, like the rest of us.

Her story doesn’t change the fact that there are more than two types of chromosome patterns humans can be born with. Transsexuals are real. If you can’t accept that, then you don’t believe in reality, which fits the definition of insanity. At the same time though, you don’t get to decide you’re a real transsexual just because it’s trendy.

If the poser transsexual I mentioned above wants to wear pants instead of dresses, and get a job instead of raising children, her decision is amoral, not immoral. Scottish men wear kilts. Arab men wear a long, flowing garb called a thawb, which looks dress-like to Westerners. Different cultures all over the world, and throughout history, have assigned different gender roles to men and women, including how they dress, act and work.

These kind of gender differences are social constructs that we have social pressure to follow but no moral obligation. Anyone can dress however they want. Clothing patterns are a non-issue. If you believe you have a divine duty to enforce your parents’ dress code on everyone else, you’re intellectually lazy at best, and insane at worst.

Granted, telling a preschooler they get to choose how to define their sexuality and gender role for the rest of their life is setting them up for failure. If you tell a five year old boy he can be whatever he wants, he’s more likely to choose to be a dinosaur than a girl.

Kids don’t know what the hell is going on, and this is all the more reason we shouldn’t encourage girls to wear dresses and play with Barbies, and boys to wear pants and play with action figures. We’re indoctrinating kids with gender roles that wouldn’t matter if they were broken. In the cosmic scale of things, the clothes you wear don’t matter. They’re useful, but it’s unnecessary to force people to wear clothes that fit your fleeting cultural upbringing.

Another unnecessary social construct is the idea that everyone under the age of eighteen is going to be traumatized by seeing genitals. No other animal on the planet gets worked up over seeing genitals, and children who grow up in nudist colonies don’t leave traumatized. Their curse is having to live the rest of their lives wondering why everyone else is so uptight.

The solution to whether or not trans men should be allowed to use women’s bathrooms is to remove all gender segregation and let men and women piss, shit and shower together. This sounds outrageous if you’ve never experienced it, but that’s not because it’s crazy. It’s because you’ve been indoctrinated with your society’s cultural norms. If everyone walked around naked together, like in the shower scene in “Starship Troopers,” we would all just get on with our lives and not worry about other people’s bodies.

At some point, someone may get raped by sharing bathrooms, but I sincerely believe there will be less rapes overall because society’s sexual frustration level will be lower across the board. If we’re going to segregate the sexes and force people to hide their skin, then we can’t condemn cultures that force women to cover their entire bodies. They’re doing the same thing as you. They’ve just taken your moderate style of oppression and ran with it to its inevitable conclusion.

Who you choose to have sex with is just as much of a non-issue as what clothes you wear or who sees your genitals. Sexual attraction is partly determined by hormones and partly by choice. Either way, if you get stranded on a deserted island for the rest of your life, eventually, you’re going to fuck whatever is there, even if your only companion is a sheep.

It’s an understatement to say everyone is bi-sexual. Humans are omni-sexual. The most accurate way to define humans isn’t heterosexual or homosexual. We’re all just fuck bots. When you remove the social pressure to only have one type of sex, people will fuck just about anything. This isn’t immoral. It’s amoral. It doesn’t matter where you stick your dick, what you stick inside of you, or what orifice you stick it in… as long as nobody gets hurt or is forced to do something against their will.

Everyone over the age of thirty has thought, even just for a second, about fucking something that isn’t a member of the opposite sex. Most of us have fucked our hand or a toy, but we don’t have a special name for that, because we don’t care. Imagine if we told people that if you ever think about having sex with a pocket pussy, it makes you a latex-ophile, which is how you must have been born and thus how you have to identify yourself and behave.

There are undoubtedly millions of men and women who had a passing thought that they might like to have intercourse with someone of their own sex. But because society says only gay people think about that, people often assume their one-off fantasy must mean they’re gay and therefore have to wear rainbow flags and act flamboyant. If we’d all grown up believing humans are just horny fuck bots and it doesn’t matter how you achieve orgasm, we’d all get on with our lives and not end up basing our personality on our sexual fantasies.

I’m not saying it’s wrong to identify as gay. Some people have the right cocktail of hormones that predispose them to wanting to have gay sex. However, they’re not going to burst into flames if they decide to have heterosexual intercourse. So all I’m saying is it’s unnecessary to force people into conforming to a social group that fits their fantasies. Many militant homosexuals and heterosexuals alike are guilty of forcing this dichotomy on others.

In conclusion, progressives are correct that there are more than two choices for how to live. However, forcing people to pick one of eighty labels, and then demonizing people who don’t, is oppressive in exactly the same way as forcing people to pick between one of two labels and demonizing those who don’t fit your expectations. The left has become guilty of enforcing too many labels, and the right has been guilty of enforcing too few. The solution is to get rid of the need for any labels by not giving a fuck about other people.

Most people who read this probably won’t agree with half of what I’ve said, but I believe history will vindicate me. I believe the future will look like Star Trek, where everyone wears gender neutral onesies because people will have stopped worrying about socially constructed gender differences. There will also be men who wear dresses and women who wear combat boots. Everyone will be showering with each other and having casual sex. The world won’t end. Life will go on, and everyone will get more of what they want.

Most people alive today will be glad they won’t live to see the new world, because they can’t let go of their traditions, which are based on archaic and intellectually lazy labels for sex and gender. If it’s any consolation, your children won’t have to pick their gender identity on a unicorn chart, and adults won’t have to pick between eighty different labels when they fill out employment applications, because nobody will care enough to make that distinction.

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My theory on why so many women have rape fantasies

I was raised in the Bible Belt where women hid their sexuality under poker faces and bland dresses. Growing up watching Disney movies, I came to the conclusion that women were basically asexual and would only consent to sex reluctantly after thousands of hours of a man begging and bribing her. Even then, women only wanted men to make sweet, tender, passionate love to them.

In my twenties, it came as a huge shock to learn women actually have strong sex drives, and they often prefer hard, pounding, ravishing sex over vanilla love making. In my thirties, I read a stack of psychology books about female sexuality and was even more surprised to learn that between 3090 percent of women have recurring rape fantasies despite the fact that most of them feel profound guilt about it. This made me seriously question why so many women have rape fantasies.

Some feminists explain this mystery by saying we live in a rape culture, where “rape is pervasive and normalized due to societal attitudes about gender and sexuality.” I disagree with this theory, because even though we definitely live in a sex-culture, you’d have to have a victim complex as bad as the person below not to see that rape is overwhelmingly shunned by society.


Psychologists have offered the explanation that rape fantasies are a way for women to imagine having sex without the shame of feeling like a slut. This explanation makes more sense. Despite how much sex we’re exposed to in the media, slut shaming is still a thing. When people are sexually repressed, they find creative ways to indulge their sexuality. However, promiscuous and prudish women both have rape fantasies, which leads me to the conclusion that rape fantasies are caused more by nature than nurture.

My theory is that rape fantasies stem from Darwinism. Having sex and marrying for love is a relatively new cultural norm. For most of human history, women have been forced into marriages through slavery and arranged marriages where they had to have sex with a man they didn’t choose. Outside of marriage, it’s fair to assume billions of children have been born from women being raped in the streets and in wars. It’s even a cliché that in the cave man days, if a man wanted a woman, he bonked her on the head with a club and raped her.

Basically, the survival of the human race up until modern times, has been achieved largely by rape. You and I don’t like the sound of that, but our DNA is amoral; it will reinforce whatever behavior ensures the survival of a species by encoding past behaviors in itself and passing them down through generations as instincts.

I’m not saying women are born victims who want to be raped any more than I believe men are born closet rapists who spend their lives struggling to hold back the overwhelming urge to abuse women, like this guy seems to think:

I’m not saying rape is natural or defensible in any way. All I’m saying is our ancestors’ fucked up experiences conditioned us to have fucked up thoughts. I’m not proud of this. I don’t want it to be true. It’s just the most logical explanation I’ve found that concisely explains why men tend to be sexually aggressive and women tend to fantasize about sexually aggressive men and prefer ravenous sex over Prince Charming sex.

We’re more than the sum of our sex drive. A strand of DNA is six feet long. It contains more instructions than the vestiges of our ancestors’ sexual experiences. Our brains are cosmic super computers capable of consciousness, awareness of others, logic, empathy, and a bagillion other positive, empowering abilities and predispositions.

We’re biological machines that are designed to survive, and let’s be honest, our rocky evolution has left us with more than a few quirky subconscious features that conflict with our higher level thinking. Everyone has thought of killing someone. Most people have even fantasized about it at length. Everyone watches movies that allow them to live vicariously through imaginary characters who spend their lives unapologetically killing, stealing, cheating and screwing. Women fantasize about rape for the same reason everyone fantasizes about stealing a million dollars. The two day dreams are functionally and morally equivalent.

In your lifetime, you’re going to think an astronomical number of thoughts. Every consecutive thought you have, builds on the previous one. As you think through every subject you know about, inevitably, you’re going to reach some thoughts that are a lot farther out there than you believed yourself capable of. Some of these thoughts will be genius, and some will be illegal.

That’s okay. You’re a sentient computer processing information. That’s what you do. The point is to think through everything enough to make the most productive decisions in your real life. As long as you have enough common sense and respect for life not to act on your wildest passing musings, there’s no reason you should limit what you think about or hate yourself for it.

If fantasizing about getting gang banged helps you get through the morning, enjoy it like a good cup of coffee. Before you feel guilty of what other people would think, trust me, everyone has masturbated to thinking about something that would shock your socks off.

Here are some other blogs I wrote about sexuality: 

Sex Positions and Techniques

Dating and Relationships

Philosophy of Sexuality

Two Feminist Ladies #3

I’m not a chauvinist or misogynist, and I’m not against feminism. I am against radical feminism, which teaches negative stereotypes of men, especially white men, to use them as a scapegoat for the world’s problems. The comics below satirize common talking points expressed by radical feminist social justice warriors on social media.


















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11 reasons not to bitch at your man

Bitching is overbearing complaining in a whiny, hurt or angry tone of voice. The complaint usually stems from a conflict of interest and implies a specific call to action: The recipient should feel bad and change their behavior so as not to conflict with the bitching person’s desires.

  1. Bitching is abusive.

Psychologists have coined several terms to describe whining, nagging, complaining, guilt-tripping, insulting and threatening another person to motivate them to change their behavior. They call that emotional blackmail, psychological abuse, bullying, relational aggressionpassive-aggressive behavior, a personality pathology and toxic.

The definition of mental disorder is, “a behavioral or mental pattern that may cause suffering or a poor ability to function in life.” All of these terms are considered mental disorders. They’re literally symptoms of insanity.

I can’t tell you how you’re supposed to live, but you don’t need a prophet to tell you you’re not supposed to behave abusively and insane. No matter what happens after death, no good will come from that being the legacy of your life.

  1. Bitching is hurtful.

Bitching causes suffering on the recipient. Every time you bitch at your man, you should poke him in the chest with a fork, because that’s what you’re doing to his mind. When you finally get what you want and walk away feeling victorious, look over your shoulder at his bloody chest and ask yourself what you really accomplished. Regardless of who was more right or wrong in the conflict, the person who intentionally hurt the other to get what they wanted was the villain.

I can’t prove it’s morally wrong to hurt people, but most of the world believes it, and it’s the basis of most of our spiritual and secular laws. So in the eyes of God and the human race, bitching makes you one of the bad guys. You can say, “Nobody can judge me,” but when it’s all said and done, you chose to stand with the pain-makers, and the chance you’re on the wrong side of the meaning of life is dangerously high.

  1. Bitching is stressful.

Men understand and accept they’re going to have to put up with a certain amount of verbal abuse and manipulation from their girlfriends/wives. Every man’s patience level is different, but nobody’s is infinite, and bitching gets old fast. Living with a bitching woman is like having a giant smoke detector that follows you around beeping at 80 decibels whenever you try to be yourself and do things you enjoy. The only way to stop it is to either hit it or grovel in front of it and give it money. Even then, it only stops beeping for a few hours before it starts back up again.

You shouldn’t be proud or indifferent if that analogy applies to you. You should be asking yourself what you’re doing with your life. You’re like a mad psychologist who turned your house into a Skinner box that shocks the man of your dreams when he tries to be happy. You may as well carry a hand-held chalk board with you all day and scratch it every time he enters the room. If you don’t understand why that’s a bad thing, you need therapy. If you believe you’re entitled to act that way, then you need an intervention.

  1. Bitching is unfair.

Does your man bitch at you constantly? Does he control you by drowning you in guilt, shame and fear? Do you know he’d throw you and everything you’ve done for him under the bus at a moment’s notice if you stood between him and a trivial desire? If so, you know how soul crushing it is to be treated that way. If not, you probably know a woman who has been in a toxic relationship. You’ve seen the suffering in her eyes and probably told her that her man is a no good jerk, and she deserves better.

What does your man do for you? Does he buy you thoughtful gifts? Does he tell you he loves you? Does he work hard and make sacrifices so you can have a better life? Would he die for you? If he even tries to act like a knight in shining tuxedo, that says something about him. If you repay his kindness with impatience, greed and malice, that says something about you. If life were fair, your man would have a woman who treats him like a hero, and you’d be alone.

  1. Bitching isn’t what you agreed on.

The premise of a romantic relationship is that you care about each other so profoundly, you want to spend your life reciprocating your love for each other. That’s the unspoken agreement.

Conveniently for women, most men want to be a knight in shining tuxedo for their princess and build her a castle, and in return for everything they put into the relationship, all they want is motherly kindness and sexual relief. Men aren’t looking for princesses because they want to install a dictator in their home. They commit, because they need an ally in this hard, dark, thankless, stormy fucked up world who actually cares about them and will be their shelter from the storm.

Every time you bitch at your man, you break your contract, make a liar out of yourself and leave your knight out in the rain. That’s not being clever. That’s being a parasite.

  1. Bitching weakens your man.

Studies have shown people are more likely to believe something is true the more they hear it, even if they know it isn’t true. This is known as the illusory-truth effect. Even if you don’t explicitly tell your man he’s a useless, worthless failure who isn’t good enough to do anything right, treating him like it can condition him to believe it, which will create a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Even if his confidence and self-worth are strong enough to withstand being chipped away by the constant condemnation of the person he wants to please most in the world, the mental effort will drain his stamina. You don’t need a degree in psychology to understand this. Men can’t endure living with a giant smoke detector constantly tearing down their self worth at 80 decibels while stabbing them in the chest with a fork. It wears them down into miserable, broken zombies.

Even if you lack the humanity to care how horrible it is to do that to a person, just know that bitching might get you what you want from your man in the short term, but it will increasingly diminish his ability to provide every kind of support in the future.

  1. Bitching erodes your relationship.

If you know a notorious bitcher, give them a copy of the book, “How Full Is Your Bucket?” To quote the book’s Amazon page, “The authors, a grandfather-grandson team, explore how using positive psychology in everyday interactions can dramatically change our lives. They suggest that we all have a bucket within us that needs to be filled with positive experiences, such as recognition or praise. When we’re negative toward others, we use a dipper to remove from their buckets and diminish their positive outlook. When we treat others in a positive manner, we fill not only their buckets but ours as well.”

This isn’t rocket science. Treating people like shit makes them feel like shit, and treating them great makes them feel great. The more you treat your man like shit, the less reason he has to be nice to you, and the more reasons he has to count you among his enemies and get as far away from you as he can.

  1. Bitching is a foreign language men can’t understand.

The differences in men and women’s brains cause them to communicate slightly differently, which can cause major misunderstandings. Bitching may be one of them. In the same way Americans often mistakenly assume Chinese people are angry, because the Chinese language uses intonations liberally that are reserve for aggression in the English language, maybe women don’t realize they’re bitching, because in their mind, they’re just expressing their feelings. But in men’s goal-oriented minds, a woman bitching sounds like an angry football coach bitching them out for losing the game.

Women can argue that men just need to understand how they communicate and be patient with them, but men can argue that women just need to stop bitching, when they know it triggers an instinctual psychological response in their brain that puts them into fight or flight mode. We can argue who should be more accommodating all day, but ultimately, if you want someone to do something for you, you have the best chance of succeeding if you speak in the language they understand.

  1. Bitching is counterproductive.

There’s an old saying, “You can catch more bees with honey than vinegar.” A woman I know and respect expressed this timeless truth another way, “If you’re nice to me, I’ll bend over backwards for you, but if you’re disrespectful, I’ll do everything I can to not do shit for you.”

This is as true in relationships as it is in life. If you bitch at your man, he’ll do the bare minimum for you, but if you give him a blowjob, he’ll give you 110% for the next week.

  1. Bitching creates negative karma ghosts.

Karma ghosts are a metaphor for the way your actions have ripple effects across society. It’s an extension of the premise to the movie, “Pay it Forward” and “How Full Is Your Bucket.” When you do nice things for your man, he goes out into the world with a full bucket that sloshes over into the buckets of everyone he meets.

When you tear down, stress out, and piss off your man, he goes out into the world in a bad state of mind. He’s less patient, kind and enthusiastic. This causes him to empty other people’s buckets, and the damage he does to other people will affect how they treat others.

Your negativity will spread like wildfire until the whole world becomes depressed and angry. You may hate the world and say good riddance, but the point is, the problem will eventually come back to you in ways you could never predict.

  1. Bitching creates negative immediate karma.

There probably isn’t any spiritual force in the universe that sucks up your negativity and drops it back out of the sky into your life in the form of personalized inconveniences. Spiritual karma would be redundant, because the damage is already done the moment you think or act negatively. You experience reality through your mind. When you think and act ugly, that’s what you experience. It’s how the universe looks and feels to you. The effect is just as real as if you had a tiny cloud above your head raining anxiety and anger.

Anytime you justify bitching, you’re justifying painting the walls of your universe with shit. If you don’t care about anyone but yourself, the best thing you can do for yourself is be as nice as possible to everyone, especially the people you spend the most time and share the most bills with. Immediately, and in the long run, the better you treat people, the better life is for everyone, whereas bitching turns your life and everyone else’s to shit.

If you liked this post you may like these: 

Dating and Relationships

Sex Positions and Techniques

My theories about cheating on tasks and lovers

My theory about cheating on tasks:

My theory on ethics is that the meaning of life is to fulfill your potential, and anything which helps you do that is good, and anything which hinders you is bad. Furthermore, it’s equally good to help other people fulfill their potential as it is to fulfill your own, and it’s equally bad to hinder other people as it is to hinder yourself.

Completing the overall goal of fulfilling your potential requires you to complete trillions of little goals throughout your life. Often times in life you’ll be assigned these tasks by people, like when a teacher gives you an exam. If you need to know the information on that test to accomplish a more important goal in the future, then cheating doesn’t benefit you. However, if the information being tested isn’t important, and the test is just a formality then it would behoove you to pass the test by any means necessary regardless of how you’re told you’re supposed to pass it.

Sometimes rules are best practices and should be followed because they guide you to success. Sometimes rules are just obstacles individuals put in your way for their own reasons. Rules exist to serve people. People don’t exist to serve rules. So if a rule doesn’t benefit you, then it negates its authority. You have no moral obligation to follow arbitrary rules. In those cases, the best thing you can do for yourself is to think outside the box, ignore the rules and take the shortest path from Point A to Point B.

cheating is taking the shortest path between point a and point b

However, just because you can cheat, and just because a rule may be illogical, that doesn’t mean it’s always in your best interest to cheat, because rules usually come with consequences. Anytime you take a risk, you need to do a cost/benefit risk analysis. If you stand to lose more by getting caught than you stand to gain by succeeding, then it’s illogical to take the risk. Sometimes, the quickest shortcut is years of hard work and dedication.

My theory about cheating on lovers:

Marriage/commitment isn’t commanded or ordained by God. It’s a cultural practice that gives structure to people’s lives. Marriage laws are just rules people thought up and wrote down on paper.

It’s only right to follow a rule when it represents the best instruction to follow to accomplish a goal that helps you fulfill your potential without harming anyone else. When the rules become obstacles between you and your potential, then they’re not a moral imperative. They’re bad ideas, and it would be irresponsible to follow them.

This doesn’t mean you have permission to do whatever you want as long as you justify it by saying you’re fulfilling your potential. The reason we fall in love and make commitments is because it helps us fulfill our potential. It’s a tactical decision we make subconsciously. Our brains analyze other people, size them up, and determine if their assets can help or hinder us achieve the goals that are most important to us. 99.9% of the people we meet fail Cupid’s cost/benefit analysis. Those who score the worst, we ignore, avoid, dislike and even hate. Sometime we don’t even know why we dislike a person, and we may feel guilty about it, but the reason is because a little “angel” on our shoulder whispered in our ear to beware of them.

Falling in love is the most selfless thing you’ll ever do in the sense that you’ll have to share your destiny and all your worldly assets with another person. On another level, it’s the most selfish thing you’ll ever do, because you’re not just giving away all your stuff to a stranger as a gift. You’re investing your resources in an opportunity that your subconscious speculates will give you the highest return on investment.

This may sound like a stoic speech on love from Ayn Raynd, but the difference between my philosophy and hers is she believes selfishness is the greatest good, and other people are only valuable to the extent that they can help you. I say everyone is equally valuable. Doing things that help you is the definition of responsibility, and being completely selfless is throwing the baby out with the bath water. Virtue lies in finding a healthy balance. So if you and your lover decide you can achieve more together than on your own, then join forces. Just don’t delude yourselves; b honest about the symbiotic nature of your relationship and make the most out of it.

selfishness is responsibility

If you take a lover as an ally in your quest to achieve your goals, be wary of the fact that everyone’s goals change as they grow older. The best life-partner for you as a teenager isn’t necessarily going to be the best life-partner for you as an adult. When culture and laws dictate that relationships have to last forever, and partners should endure whatever miseries it takes to stay together, people end up staying in relationships that aren’t good for anyone. We should be consciously analyzing our lovers to make sure the cost/benefit analysis of staying together continues to add up, and when it doesn’t, we should move on.

If you find yourself in a relationship that is holding you back more than it’s moving you forward, your subconscious Cupid will start whispering in your ear, telling you to leave. No matter how hard you try to consciously convince yourself you’re still in love, your subconscious already did the math and determined you shouldn’t want to be with this person. If you don’t just die inside and accept a life of unfulfilling cold comfort, your heart and hands may stray to another person.

If the new person really is better suited to you than the last, then you should give into temptation and be with them, but you should formally end your previous relationship first. Its purpose for existing is over. So staying with them isn’t helping either of you, but betraying your ex-ally just hurts them and wastes your time by making your life unnecessarily complicated. Yes, breaking up hurts too, but the benefits outweigh the cost.

If you do decide to cheat, and you feel guilty about it afterwards, then you’re hurting yourself unnecessarily, and you’re not going to be able to give your all in your existing relationship, which hurts your partner and lowers their ability to give their all, which leads to a downward spiral of dysfunction and unhappiness.

You may be able to cheat guilt-free and never get caught, and you may tell yourself as long as your partner isn’t hurt by the knowledge of your infidelity, then you can have your cake and eat it too. It may look like you’re maximizing your potential happiness, but if you stand to lose more than you have to gain by cheating, then cheating is illogical. Plus, cheating isn’t free. You have to sacrifice time, effort and honesty to pull it off. If monogamy isn’t your thing, then you should just be with someone who is polyamorous, polygamist or a swinger. Then you won’t have to pay anything for your cake. Or maybe we should all lighten up a little and give each other some leeway.

If you’re single, and someone who is already in a relationship tries to cheat on their partner with you, technically you’re not breaking any divine law by giving into temptation. However, if your actions hurt the person being cheated on, then you’ve undermined the purpose of life, which is bad and thus wrong. Even if the partner never finds out, the cheater might return to their lover stressed, guilty and distant, and if that doesn’t cause conspicuous pain, it can still degrade the quality of both people’s lives. In that case, the cheater is guilty for their part in the crime, and you’re guilty as an accomplice.

But life isn’t always so simple. If someone wants to cheat on their partner with you, then their heart doesn’t belong to their partner. They’ve already got one foot out the door, and cheating is just a formality that confirms what was already true. Their relationship could have been dead for years. Their partner could be an abusive cheater themselves, in which case, why should you honor a social contract that they don’t? If the contract they have with their partner isn’t important to them, then it’s not important. Fidelity is just a rule someone else told them they have to follow and they pay lip service to but otherwise ignore.

If you fall in love with someone who is perfect for you, and you’re perfect for them, but they’re committed to a terrible person, then by all means, take that lover for yourself. But do it in a way that causes the least harm. Sneaking around with a married person isn’t good for anyone, and neither is waiting for the situation to blow up when the jilted lover discovers the truth.

Life is complicated, and every moral decision needs to be made on a case-by-case basis. Cheating isn’t wrong because someone once wrote in a book that it is. The morality of your actions is based on the fact that life is valuable, and if you value people, then you should help them maximize their life as much as your own. Staying with your lover may not be the quickest path between Point A and Point B, but infidelity tends to be a much longer route… but there are exceptions to every rule.

P.S. Every person I’ve ever known who was a serial cheater, acted extremely possessive of the person they were cheating on. They would constantly check up on them and accuse them of wanting to cheat because they were projecting their guilt and paranoia onto their victim. If you know someone who acts like that, they’re probably cheating.

If you liked this post, you may like these:

Tales From The Wise Sloth: The “Good Porn” Story

When I was twenty years old I worked for a company that did short-run manual labor contracts like brush clearing, pressure washing and picking up trash on the side of the road. The job paid $50 per day, cash under the table. 99% of the workers were either felons with outstanding warrants or illegal immigrants, because those were the only people who would do the disgusting, dangerous, monotonous, back breaking work we did for so little money. I was there because my brothers were there, and it was better than my last job washing dishes at Bennigans.

We did a lot of work on long, lonely stretches of Texas country roads and found a lot of strange things motorists had thrown out their windows. Mostly we found old, sun-scorched, water-stained trucker porn magazines. These were all nasty, skanky, degrading, depressing smut rags that made Hustler look like Vanity Fair. The kind of magazines that published pictures of homeless guys dressed as Santa gangbanging a haggard woman with missing teeth. Until I worked at this job I didn’t even realize magazines like that existed.

In case you’re wondering, and you need it spelled out, the reason there’s so much trucker porn on the side of the road is because truckers masturbate to it while they’re driving, and when they’re bored with a magazine, they just throw it out the window.

Half the people who worked for that company either lived or partied at my apartment. So when members of our work crews would find these magazines, they’d keep them and put them in the magazine racks in my/our bathrooms. The house also had a subscription to Playboy and Maxim. So we had a range of toilet reading material, but mostly there was just old, cover-less, sun-dried, wrinkled trucker smut.

One day I was sitting on the toilet flipping through the magazines looking for a Playboy with an article I hadn’t read yet, but all I could find was soul-crushing trucker smut. Fed up, I threw away all of the road porn so all that was left was the classy stuff.

A few days later me, my two brothers and four or five other guys from our crew came home and started our nightly ritual of drinking to congratulate ourselves for pushing the limits of human endurance at work that day and to forget how hopeless our lives were. A few beers into the evening someone shouted from one of the bathrooms, “HEY! WHERE’D ALL THE GOOD PORN GO!?!” I chuckled to myself nonchalantly, but literally everyone else in house jumped up in a panic and ran to the bathrooms shouting, “What!? Is the good porn missing?” “Hey, where’d all the good porn go!?” “Who the fuck took all the good porn!?”

Casually, I remarked, “You mean all that trucker porn? Man, I threw that nasty stuff out.”

Then pandemonium erupted. Everyone was furious. They were seriously offended. It got tense, and for a second I feared for my safety. I tried to explain that I was doing us a favor by getting rid of all the riff raff, but everyone responded that they hated the vanilla classy stuff. It was like looking at a photograph of a fruit bowl to them. They needed something far, far, far more raw and primal to feel alive.

I looked at my roommates and coworkers with new eyes that day. I didn’t want to know what depraved life experiences made them feel a connection with gutter skank erotica, and it frightened me that I was the only one in the room (or on the highway) who enjoyed glamour porn.

A few months later the lease on our apartment ran out, and we all went our separate ways. I went on to become a computer help desk technician and network administrator. I’ve found porn on many many people’s computers, and I have never once found a folder full of glamour porn. Every jpg. and video file has been self-loathing degradation smut. I challenge you to go into any sex store and look at their magazine and video selections. Most of it is far from classy.

I hate to burst your bubble, but most of the men you know are turned on by scarier stuff than you’d be comfortable knowing. Statistically speaking, trucker smut is the good porn.

fry meme

Here are some more stories from the life of The Wise Sloth:

How to go down on a girl

Sexy bite! A closeupcherry in her mouth.

Note 1: This guide explains how to give a woman the most intense orgasm possible, which requires taking a lot of extra steps that aren’t always necessary. Also, all women are different. You need to communicate with yours to find out exactly what she wants, but if you don’t have a chance to ask, or she won’t tell you, then this guide is a good starting point.

Note 2: This guide is pretty long. So here’s a short summary if you don’t have time to read the whole thing: Get her in the mood. Turn her on and make her feel special and relaxed. Then lick, kiss and caress around her vagina for a minute or two. Spend the rest of the time licking her clit rhythmically and rubbing the index finger in and out of her vagina while pressing against the roof. Start slow and gradually speed up, but don’t go too fast. When you find something that works, stick with it until she cums. After she’s done, cuddle with her.


It doesn’t take much more than the sight of a woman to get a man in the mood, and men can have a powerful orgasm by having sex with a woman they’re not emotionally or physically attracted to. Women can too, but as a general rule, their bodies work a little different.

Women’s bodies are more tied to their minds. This means the better they feel emotionally, the better their orgasms will be. In fact, if a woman feels unsafe and insecure enough going into a sexual encounter, then her locked up mind will lock up her body as well, and she might not be able to have an orgasm at all. If you go down on her the right way she might still be able to have an orgasm despite her anxieties, but in order to give her the best orgasm possible you need to get her in the mood first.

If you’ve been with the same woman for a long time you’re obviously not going to spend hours setting the mood every time you’re intimate, but you can always do something, and every bit helps. If you have a one night stand or somehow suddenly find yourself in the position to go down on a girl and haven’t all day to woo her, you can still at least tell her the things that make her feel special and romanced. Here are a few techniques for getting a girl in the mood:

  • Be attractive and confident.
  • Compliment her. Tell her she’s beautiful and special. She put a lot of work into looking nice; compliment whatever she put the most effort into.
  • Talk to her in the morning and tell her you’re going to pamper and tease her all night and give her an epic orgasm. Tell her to think about that all day.
  • Sext her throughout the day and tell her erotic things.
  • Tell her you love her or at least that she’s important to you.
  • Touch her erotically and teasingly periodically throughout the day or over the course of a few hours before anyone gets naked.
  • Give her a gift. Anything is better than nothing. If the gift is delivered to her in front of her friends and/or frenemies then you win.
  • Take her out for a nice dinner at a classy place or cook her a classy meal. Or just give her one chocolate strawberry. Anything.
  • Create a romantic environment that engages as many of the senses as possible. Use candles, music, aromas, dim lights, soft fabric, and make sure the room is clean and classy.
  • Watch a sexy movie.
  • Get her to read some erotic fiction or you could read it to her yourself.
  • Give her a full body erotic massage.

The last item in this list is important enough to emphasize. Giving a girl a full body erotic massage is possibly the best thing you can do to prime her mind and body before going down on her. It gives her time to acclimate to being naked. It shows her that you care. It relaxes her body, which in turn eases any mental anxiety she may have, which in turn makes her body more willing and able to experience a full orgasm later. Plus, an erotic massage is obviously going to get anyone horny. The longer she’s horny the more the delayed gratification will build up inside of her.

Again, you don’t have to spend all day wooing and massaging a woman to give her a good orgasm, but the bigger the build up, the better the orgasm. If you skip all of this and just go down on her right away there will be little to no build up and thus no pressure to release, and she might still be holding onto anxieties from a hard day’s work or insecurities about her body or her decision to share herself with you.


Once your girl’s clothes start coming off, you need to read her emotional needs to decide how she wants you to transition from kissing to performing cunnilingus. Sometimes it’s best to go down on her aggressively before she even has all of her clothes off. Sometimes it’s best to kiss every curve on her body first and tease her by grazing past her nether region teasingly over and over before settling down.

The important thing to remember here is that you don’t master sex by memorizing women’s pressure points and then striking them in the right sequence. Sex is less like Karate and more like Tango. Sex isn’t something you do to someone else. It’s something you do together; it’s a dance. Good tango dancing requires the dancing partners to read each other, communicate with each other and play off each other. In really good tango the dancers aren’t just performing synchronized calisthenics. They’re connected on an emotional level, and they express their shared emotional experience through the movements of their bodies. That’s how good sex happens. So if you want my advice on how to transition from kissing a girl’s lips to putting your head between her legs, I would say, “Listen to the music, and dance your way there.”

Once you’re finally ready to go down on her, lay her on her back. There are lots of creative positions you can perform cunnilingus from, and they’re all worth exploring, but for a girl to have the best orgasm possible she needs to be able to relax and concentrate on nothing but you going down on her. She can’t be any more relaxed than when she’s laying flat on her back with pillow behind her head and one under her butt. I don’t know why, but elevating women’s hips seems to help them achieve orgasm. So laying her flat on her back with her hips propped up is a reliable go-to position.


When you finally get your head between her legs you have 1-2 minutes to be creative and do whatever you want. Don’t worry about technique right now. You can kiss, caress and lick anywhere in and around the pussy however you want. There’s no wrong way to do this. You just need to be sensual and physically express your passion. This is emotionally satisfying for her, and it stimulates blood flow to her sex organs, which will prime them to achieve orgasm. You only want to do this for a minute or two though, because random, chaotic movements, no matter how sensual they are, aren’t likely to give a girl an orgasm.

After you’ve given the groin area a sweet meet and greet you’re ready to get a little more scientific with your technique. Start from the outside of the vagina and work your way inward beginning with the labia majora. Lick your thumbs and her labia majora until it’s completely wet. Here’s why you’re worried about moistening both your thumbs and the labia majora. Next time you’re in the bathroom, rub your thumb on the mirror. Notice how rough that is? Now lick your thumb and rub it on the mirror. Notice how much smoother that is? Now lick your thumb and the mirror, and rub your thumb on the mirror where you licked it. Notice how that feels even smoother? That’s what the girl is feeling between her legs. Also, jam a cactus between your legs sometime. That’s what a girl feels when you go down on her with a five-o’clock shadow.

Once you’ve got the labia majora wet, massage it and the surrounding area lightly with your thumbs. Do small, fluid circles or slide your thumbs up and down the length of the lips for 10-30 seconds eventually working your way to rubbing the inner lips (the labia minora) without penetrating the vagina. Slower movements are usually better than faster movements.

There are two reasons why you’re massaging on and around the labia. First of all, the girl probably isn’t wet enough inside for you to stick your finger in her vagina, and you’re going to need to stick a finger or two inside her eventually. Even if your fingers are covered in enough lube to make up for her being dry, you should still let her get wet on her own, because getting wet is her body’s way of saying she’s ready for penetration. Massaging the labia will help her vagina moisten and relax.

The other reason it’s important to massage her labia is because when her vagina gets attention inside and out she’ll have a stronger orgasm. Think of a blow job. A blow job is great, but if the girl massages you’re balls in the process then so much the better. Massaging her labia is sort of equivalent to massaging your balls. You don’t want to focus all your attention there, but she’s missing out if it’s ignored completely.


After spending 1-3 minutes doing your meet and greet and massaging the labia majora and minora you’re ready to proceed to Step 4. At the beginning of this step you’re actually going to be licking the clit at the same time as you’re massaging the labia.

If you don’t know where the clit is, stick one finger inside the girl’s vagina. Now trace that finger straight up pulling your finger out of the vagina. Keep moving your finger straight upwards along her skin in the direction of the belly button. About a quarter of an inch above the opening of the vagina your finger should snag on a little hood-shaped piece of skin. When that happens the tip of your finger should be pointing directly at the clit under the hood. The clit should feel like a small bump. If you can’t find it on your own it’s better to ask for directions than to never get there, because if you can’t get there then she won’t get to cum. I can’t stress this enough, the clit is the whole point of going down on a girl, and until you get there you’re missing the point.

When you get there, don’t try to be creative. I’ve read in several men’s magazines that a great way to make a girl cum is to spell out the alphabet with your tongue on the clit. I’m convinced they tell you this to make sure you remain sexually inept so you have to keep buying men’s magazines for advice. The alphabet thing doesn’t work because it’s not rhythmic.

Women need constant rhythm to orgasm just like men. When you get a blow job or a hand job, you don’t want the girl to be stroking you chaotically and licking you all over the place randomly the whole time. You want her to give you rhythmic strokes that get progressively faster without ever getting too fast, and once she gets to a good pace you don’t want her to change anything, because when you’re right on the verge of cumming and all of a sudden the girl starts doing something different you’ll be laying there screaming in your head, “Damnit, you were almost there! I was obviously enjoying that. So why did you stop doing that?!” The same thing happens to girls.

You don’t have to worry about her getting bored with what you’re doing. She won’t. Pretty much all she needs you to do is go up and down with your tongue like the Karate Kid painting a fence or like turning a light switch on and off with your tongue. If you cut the tendon on the bottom of your tongue on your bottom row of teeth then you’re going way too crazy with your tongue.

Licking side to side with your tongue may feel good to her, but your tongue will get tired faster than licking up and down. So that technique is better suited for the meet and greet phase than getting down to business.

The only other technique that most girls like is having you suck their clit sort of like you’re giving a blow job to a tiny penis. You can suck it up and down or suck it between your lips and then, while you have it trapped there, lick it with your tongue like a tiny lollipop. You can really get a good grip on a clit that way, especially if/when they harden, which happens to some girls the closer they are to cumming.

Whatever you do, start off lightly and slowly. The clit tends to be sensitive at first. Plus, women need to settle into the experience of being gone down on and get their thoughts straight. Think about this: If a girl grabbed your flaccid penis and started stroking it as hard and as fast as she could you would not be happy about that (most of the time). But if a girl did a strip tease for you, then kissed your body up and down before giving you a slow, sensual blow job that gradually sped up to fucking-speed….then you would have a memorable orgasm. Girls’ minds and bodies work the same way.


So you’ve been licking the clit and massaging the labia for a minute or two. In this time you’ve increased the speed of your licking a little. If you’re lucky, the girl will give you a sign that it’s time to step it up a notch: moaning, heaving, wetness, hardened nipples or the clit hardening and growing minutely taller. You won’t always get a clear sign though. A day will come when you’ll just have to guess.

You could always ask, but it might kill the mood. Then again, if you’re completely lost, you’re already killing the mood. If you do have to ask, don’t ask apologetically and insecurely. Ask confidently or playfully. You can ask her forcefully if that’s the tune you’ve been dancing to. Just find a way to work it into your dance.

After massaging the labia and licking the clit for a minute or two, stop massaging the labia. Then take the hand that you write with and lick the fingers you’re going to stick into the vagina. You want to use the hand you write with, because you have more control of that hand, and it’ll take longer to get tired. Don’t lube your fingers up with lube, because that would keep you away from the clit too long, and that will give the girl time to cool down, which neither of you want. Get your fingers as wet as possible as quickly as possible, and then insert one or two fingers into the vagina with your palm facing up.

You want this to be comfortable for the girl. So don’t try to cram as many fingers in as possible. You might even want to start with one and work your way up to two or three after her vagina loosens up, but only use three fingers if they fit easily. If you’re unsure how many fingers you should use, then only use one. You might think one finger is too little because it doesn’t fill her up, but you don’t need to fill her up. You need to rub the roof of the vagina without hurting her.

Once you start fingering the vagina with your writing-hand, then your non-writing-hand is just going to get in your way if you try to keep stimulating the labia with it. You can use that hand to lift the girl’s ass to help you reach her clit or play with her breasts or caress her wherever. Do whatever you want. Just know that if you do too much with that hand you run the risk of distracting her from what your tongue is doing.

Before your finger penetrates the vagina, you should tease her opening. Stick the tip in and out playfully. Then stick your finger in up to your knuckle a few times. Then slide your finger all the way in. Feel free to do this for a whole minute. Teasing the vagina by penetrating it in stages helps the girl’s mind and body acclimate to being penetrated. So instead of being shocked by having a foreign object unceremoniously crammed inside her, she’ll yearn for your finger to go deeper and deeper into her personal space. The emotional comfort and delayed gratification will give her a better orgasm. If you do this too long, it will dry out her vagina and start to chafe.

Once you get your finger/s all the way in you can give her vagina an internal meet and greet by caressing her tunnel however you think will convey your passion for her… for a minute at most. After the initial internal meet and greet, don’t bother rubbing the bottom or the sides of the vagina. Don’t bother making circles to touch all 360 degrees of the tunnel unless the girl is really tight and you need to loosen the vagina up for sex afterward. Don’t worry about reaching the very back of the vagina. There’s not a pot of gold back there. The trick isn’t to go deep. The trick is to be sensual and to cover the length of the G-spot.

Don’t get stressed out about finding its exact location; it’s not a point like the clit. It should really be called “the G area,” and that area is the roof of the vagina just past the opening. If your finger tips feel ridges on the roof of the vagina then you’re probably there, but every girl feels different. The G-spot is unlikely to be deeper than one inch past the opening. Sometimes it can be immediately past the opening on the inner lip of the pubic bone.

Here’s a reliable way to hit the G-spot. Insert your finger all the way in her vagina with your palm facing up. Then slide your finger all the way out while pressing your finger against the roof. When you do that it will be impossible to miss the G-spot.

Another way to find the G-spot is to stick your index finger just inside the vagina and press upwards, then hold your finger there while you lick her clit. She may rock her hips until your finger hits the right spot. Even if she couldn’t tell you where her G-spot is, she’ll know when you hit the spot that feels good. Then you’ll know exactly where her pleasure spot is. If she doesn’t wiggle into position, then you won’t learn anything or accomplish anything by motionlessly holding your finger against the roof of her vagina. So you may want to try this technique for a few seconds and abandon it if it doesn’t yield any results.

Don’t finger-bang the vagina unless you know she likes it rough or she keeps gyrating her hips to simulate being finger banged. If she does, then oblige her, but beware that finger banging too soon can wear our your arm muscles very quickly. You don’t want to get her worked up and then have to stop using your hands all together. That will be disappointing to her and set back her progress towards orgasm.

Here’s another reason you should be weary of finger banging. Think about getting a hand job. There’s a point where the girl can stroke you so fast that you don’t feel anything and/or the friction numbs your cock. The same thing can happen to a girl.

When in doubt, don’t finger bang. Just keep sticking your finger all the way in and pulling it all the way out (while pressing against the roof of the vagina) or give the roof a rhythmic, sensual massage like you’re massaging a flower. You can change things up a little by sliding your fingers to the left and right like a snake slithering. You can also just massage the roof in circles like massaging your temples when you have a head ache. The wildest you should possibly get is twisting your wrist back and forth so that your fingers make a cork screw motion.

You can do combinations of these techniques, but don’t keep switching it up. If you do one method, do it for a while. If you change, stick with that for a while. Give her time to get into what you’re doing. And make sure that whatever you’re doing you do it fluidly. Herky-jerky motions won’t get you anywhere. If she’s responding well to what you’re doing then don’t change.

Once you’ve got all this going on just keep doing it. You’ll want to slowly increase the speed of your licking. You’ll also want to increase the speed of your fingers… but not by much.

At the beginning of this step it was okay to give the clit long, full strokes with your tongue, but as you get closer to orgasm you need to speed up your licks and press against the clit harder with your tongue. Licking the clit too fast is like getting a hand job that’s too fast. It may be too fast for her to really feel. Pressing harder is almost always better than licking faster. Whatever speed you choose, keep your licks rhythmic. It helps to keep your breathing rhythmic.


There are several ways you can tell a girl is about to orgasm. Her clit may become very hard. The inside of her vagina might expand noticeably. She might grab your head and start screaming, or her body might tense up and spasm violently.

There are a few different ways you can finish a girl off that produce different kinds of orgasms. Use the one that seems most appropriate for the mood.

The first method is the easiest and is a good choice for beginners. As soon as your girl experiences the first shaking blast of her orgasm, keep licking her clit, but do it a little slower and lighter. The reason for doing that is because when a girl orgasms, her clit becomes too sensitive to touch. If you keep mashing on it with your tongue, it will feel painful. However, if you lighten up your touch, you can keep stimulating it a little longer, which will give the girl a longer (and possibly multiple) orgasms.

The second method gives a girl a short and powerful orgasm, but it’s risky. As soon as she experiences the first shaking blast of her orgasm, start licking her clit at full speed using the tip of your tongue. With the fingers you have inside her, press a little harder against the roof, and speed up a little, but keep all of your motions rhythmic.

When she finally orgasms, keep licking at full speed, and finger bang her. Keep doing this until she pushes your head away from her. This is tricky, because of how sensitive the clit becomes after an orgasm, just like how the head of the penis becomes very sensitive after a man orgasms. So if you stay on the clit too long and hard you can hurt a woman, but if you let off too early you ruin the best part of the orgasm.

Regardless of which method you use, the clit will eventually become too sensitive to stimulate. However, you may still be able to apply static pressure on her clit pressing the back of your tongue or the palm of your hand on it and holding it there with firm pressure. If she moves her hips then let her, but don’t do anything yourself. After 5-30 seconds she’ll have gotten all she can out of her orgasm and will relax. Then you can move away.

Also be aware that during moments when her clit is too sensitive to touch, the inside of her vagina won’t be, and being penetrated during/after an orgasm can be extremely pleasurable for most women. So after she cums and you stop licking, consider leaving your finger/s inside her and give her heaving, sweeping motions against her walls with your fingers for a few more seconds. Sometimes she may want to be finger banged after her orgasm.

After you pull your face away from her vagina, pull your body up next to hers and embrace her in your arms. This post orgasmic afterglow heightens the experience for most women. It lets her know this wasn’t a purely physical experience for you, and therefore it allows the orgasm to be physical and emotional.

This is no small matter. If a girl had to choose between a night of a guy making her glow emotionally and a guy making her glow physically, she’d probably choose the emotionally satisfying evening. To girls, the emotional connection made during sex or foreplay is often the main reason to have sex or engage in foreplay. So I reiterate, if you’re going to go through all this trouble to please her physically, then go to the same lengths to make the experience as emotionally pleasing.

While you’re laying next to her you can stick one of your legs in between hers so that your thigh presses up against her clit. Don’t rub your thigh up and down her clit, because her clit will still be sensitive. Don’t worry about how strategically your thigh is placed in her crotch. Just press it up there. By applying pressure with your thigh you’ll continue to keep her sexual excitement from fading away the same way you did with your tongue. She’ll love the fact that you’re helping her hold onto her orgasm. Plus, it’ll show her that you really do know what you’re doing.

Instead of pressing your thigh against her clit you could also mount her in a missionary position and press the base of your cock against her clit, but don’t penetrate the vagina. Just press and hold it against the clit. If she gyrates her hips to rub her clit against the base of your cock then let her, but be hesitant to rub back unless she’s rubbing you so hard it’s obvious that her clit is no longer too sensitive for friction.

A note to men who don’t want to go down on girls:

What I’m about to say is just my opinion. You don’t have to agree with me, but it’s worth contemplating.

It’s perfectly understandable how a guy could be a little grossed out by a woman’s vagina and hesitant to put their mouth on it. There are a lot of different kinds of secretions down there. However, they’re really no worse than what a woman is going to have in her mouth when she gives a blow job. And really, when you have sex you’re both wallowing in bodily fluids and gasses. Being bashful about bodily fluids is just kidding yourself and holding both of you back from enjoying the fullness of sexual intimacy. None of those juices are going to hurt you. After having sex enough times you’re going to realize that and throw your inhibitions out the window eventually. So you may as well go ahead and take the plunge.

Going down on a girl is about more than just swapping bodily fluids and eliciting a chemical reaction in each other’s pleasure organs. Look at it from the girl’s point of view. Her vagina is her most private, most sacred part of her body. Very few people in all of eternity will ever get to see or touch it. So getting to go down on her is a privilege that you should be honored to experience. So don’t view going down on a girl as an icky challenge. View the opportunity as a sincere and flattering compliment.

That’s reason enough to be willing to go down on a girl, but you should be eager to go down on a girl because it’s one of the most intimate ways you can show her how much you care about her. If your girl is important to you, then her pleasure and her emotions should be important to you. Going down on her is a chance for you to express your passion for her in a way that she’ll feel all the way down to the center of her core. Frankly, if she’s not important enough to you for you to get over your oral sex anxiety, then she deserves better than you.

A note to women who don’t want men to go down on them:

Ladies, I’m not trying to lecture you on how you should view or share your body. I just want to share some thoughts with you from the male perspective. I know a lot of you feel bashful about letting men see or touch your naked body let alone allowing them to put their mouth on your vagina.

It’s natural to have insecurities, and you know better than men what goes on between your legs. You might be ashamed of your own vagina, and you might not believe that a man would actually want to put their tongue on or in it. As I mentioned before, yes, there are some men who feel that way, but they’re mostly sexually inexperienced men who will grow out of it or they’ve been brainwashed by religion to fear and loath sexuality. In that case, the problem isn’t you. The problem is that they’ve been duped into believing in mythology that reflects the values of primitive tribesmen and not reality.

In reality your body is a treasure. Your vagina is a treasure, and any man who gets to go down on you is the luckiest man in the world. Mature men recognize that, and mature lovers truly, truly want to show you how much joy you bring into their life by channeling that joy through your clitoris until it fills up your pleasure core to the point of exploding and shaking all of your limbs with a full body orgasm. There are very few joys in this world equal to the satisfaction it brings a man when he gives the woman he cares about an orgasm. So on behalf of every mature lover out there, I beg you. Don’t let your insecurities come between us. Let us return the joy you give us. Let us connect with you on that most intimate of levels. Let us go down on you.

Other technical pointers:

  • Always wash your hands before fingering a girl, especially if you give her a massage and have lotion all over your hands. Dirty hands can be painful and cause infections.
  • Trying to fit both your hands and your face between a girl’s legs comfortably can be difficult. If you just absolutely don’t have enough room to maneuver and are so uncomfortable that you’re getting frustrated, you can have her rest her ass on a pillow, which will give you more room. You can also move your head a little closer to her belly button. You might be surprised how far up her abdomen you can put your head and still be able to lick her clit.
  • If a girl ever stops you while you’re going down on her and says something like, “You got me so hot. I can’t wait any longer. Put it in me now!” Sometimes she means exactly what she says, but sometimes that’s just a nice way of saying, “You’re not going down on me correctly, and I’m not going to cum. So let’s go ahead and skip to the sex.” This could lead you to believe that what you’re doing is working great, when it’s really not, which is why it’s so important to communicate outside of the bedroom.
  • If your tongue or jaw hurts when you’re done it just means you’re not going down on her enough. The way you build up your muscle strength is by performing more cunnilingus.
  • If you’re going down on a chubby girl, your nose may press against her stomach and make it difficult to breathe. In that case tilt your head to the side so that one of your ears is resting on her flesh. You’ll be licking her clit from a sort of sideways angle. You won’t have as much control over the clit as you would facing it directly, but at least you’ll have at least one nostril open to breathe with. You could breathe through your mouth, but that will dry out your tongue.
  • If a girl likes having her nipples played with outside of cunnilingus, she’ll probably like having they played with during cunnilingus. For other girls, playing with her nipples distracts from what’s going on between her legs. Think about when you’re getting a blow job. Sure, it’s nice if the girl shows you she’s getting into it by grabbing your ass and caressing your stomach a little, but those hands could be better used by fondling your balls or stroking the shaft of your cock. So if you’re going to caress her or grab her body away from her sexual organs, you may want to do it just long enough to get the point across that you’re excited by what you’re doing and then get back to stimulating her where it counts most.
  • If your girl is sexually liberated enough you can substitute a vibrator for putting your fingers inside her. If you do that, make sure you get a small vibrator, because a big one will get in the way of your chin. Also, work it inside her as gently and as rhythmically as you would with your fingers. Making it vibrate too hard or thrusting it inside her too fast or forcefully will draw her attention away from what you’re doing to her clit, and that’s bad.
  • If you’ve watched a lot of porn you’ve probably seen what I call, “the porn pat.” That’s when you slap the clit. Don’t do that. That’s bad. And don’t be like Jay from “Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back” and rub the bridge of your nose on the clit. That doesn’t do anything.
  • You can stick your tongue inside the vagina and move it in and out like you’re fucking it with your tongue, but you’re not going to bring a woman to orgasm like that. This technique is okay to do during the meet and greet stage for a few seconds to a minute. The longer your tongue is inside her, the longer your tongue isn’t on her clit.
  • Most women won’t want you to go down on them after they’ve been running around all day and sweating because their vagina will smell and taste sharp. Even if you’re really into that, she’ll likely be self-conscious about it, and that anxiety will lock up her body and prevent her from having as good of an orgasm as possible, if at all. Don’t tell her that her vagina isn’t fresh. Instead, passionately suggest taking a shower together before going down on her.

If you liked this blog you may like these:

Sex Positions and Techniques

Dating and Relationships

Philosophy of Sexuality

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