Reality is bigger than the culture you were raised in.
Americans dress like other cultures on Halloween because consumerism is America’s culture.
On a long enough time scale, everyone is an immigrant. But in basically every country and culture in the world it’s popular to hate immigrants.
What some people call, “depravity,” other people call, “thinking outside the box.”
American culture teaches children to question how things have always been done almost as much as it teaches them traditions are sacrosanct.
Why is wine the only beverage humans have invented snobby rules about how you’re supposed to consume it?
When wine connoisseurs talk about the dos and don’ts of drinking wine, I think, “Man, do I try to tell you the right way to use ketchup?”
“Oh my God! You’re a real vampire!” said no dentist to a Goth, ever.
The bigger a movement gets, the more idiots join, until the idiots are the majority and have enough power in numbers to define the movement.
I bet Chinese kids who make fireworks look down on American kids, who can’t be trusted to use the fireworks they made, without supervision.
Why is it that the most entitled, spoiled, bitchy customers are always either the richest or the poorest customers?
TELEVISION AND MOVIES
Your favorite show is the least important thing happening in the world.
The more you talk about movies and celebrities, the more you distract from the problems you watch movies to escape from in the first place.
When you watch television, you pass up opportunities to succeed at life by investing your time watching other people succeed at life.
I predict in five years, every movie scene will be filmed in orange and teal lights.
Just once I wish someone watching reality TV would drop their head in their hands and mumble, “Fuck. I’m what’s wrong with this world.”
When I watched “Cool as Ice” at a drive-in movie theater, I didn’t know how old saying that would make me sound someday.
You can measure how unfulfilling your country is by how much television you watch.
Every time you watch dumb TV shows or listen to dumb music, you vote for the world being dumb. Ultimately, that’s a vote for extinction.
When you’re ready for meaningful change to happen in the world, stop watching meaningless, petty movies, TV shows and YouTube channels.
Rod Serling’s monologs in “The Twilight Zone” tend to make as much sense as The Ultimate Warrior’s monologs in the WWF.
When I hear how much it cost to make a movie, I wonder how many farms and homeless shelters humanity could have built instead.
The more breaks you take from life’s problems to watch mindless TV, the more you put off solving the problems hurting you and humanity.
I loved the Ninja Turtles as a kid. Less after I realized if they came to my house, we’d probably never get the smell of sewer shit out.
When I watched the Matrix I was like, robots can build virtual reality biomass battery farms but not a tall pole to put solar panels on?
Every time I watch a movie where humans fight aliens, the whole time I’m like, both sides would have died immediately from the other’s germs.
Watching the Teenage Mutant Ninja turtles growing up, it always confused me that the smartest member of the team wasn’t the leader.
Bruce Wayne should have hired 10,000 mercenaries and a wise council to fight evil instead of spending millions on a one-man vigilante fetish.
Aliens would be baffled by how much comedy humans watch on TV while our world is dying from wars, corruption, atrocities, oppression and waste.
The more crappy TV you watch, the crappier your thoughts will tend to be.
I worry Disney makes all their heroes royalty because they want us to glorify rulers & believe we’re royal too, not the slaves we really are.
IDEAS FOR SHOWS AND MOVIES
I would have watched “Care Bears” when I was a kid if one of them was named “Jean Claude Van Damme Heart.”
It’s only a matter of time until we see a movie about Google inventing an artificial intelligence based on the internet’s hive mind.
Why hasn’t Hollywood made a TV series about a redneck MacGuyver yet? Emphasis on the word, “yet.”
Think about how “successfully” L. Ron Hubbard invented his own religious cult. Imagine if Alex Jones did that and live-streamed life inside his cult compound. That’d be wild.
I wish Hollywood would make a dating advice show hosted by Danny Trejo.
Neanderthals may have gone extinct because Homo sapiens committed genocide… which would make a pretty cool movie.
I wish someone would make a horror movie about giant cats with snake fangs or dogs with shark heads.
I hope one day I get to see a Broadway show titled, “Poverty: The Musical.”
If Facebook has taught us anything, it’s that the first person to make a movie called “Cats VS Babies” is going to make a lot of money.
If politicians and the news didn’t divide America into “left” and “right,” nobody else would.
The angrier and more frightened watching the news makes you, the less likely you’re watching real journalistic reporting.
The easiest way to distract Americans is to make a controversial, heart-wrenching human interest story go viral.
A guy getting kicked off an overbooked flight is not the most important thing happening today and not what everyone should be talking about.
The angrier the poor get at the rich, the more the media tells them to be angry at another group of people.
If you believe there’s a liberal conspiracy to destroy America, the problem is you believe anything any fear-peddling shock jock sells you.
Most of Guns N’ Roses’ songs are love songs. They’re basically a louder version of Tailor Swift.
Elton John’s music would have been more interesting if he was Goth.
Whatever your favorite radio DJ personalities are most excited about, you should not be.
Radio DJs play commercials and vapid pop music. So their job is to spread intellectual dystopia in the minds of the public.
The more emotional a news host is, the more likely they’re a shock jock.
Every 4 years the world should donate their Olympic budgets to building a free mega school instead of investing it in sweat and fraud.
Imagine what the world would be like if the masses got as worked up over poverty (or any issue that matters) as they do over sports.
Every year on Super Bowl Sunday I celebrate sanity by not watching the Super Bowl.
Apparently the most important thing happening in America today is, a few brain damaged rich guys are carrying a ball back and forth between two lines.
If you base one iota of your identity around your affiliation with a pro sports team, you’re a woefully gullible consumer whore.
Doctors and football coaches disagree with the following statement: It is never a good idea to bang your head against anything.
The more attention you pay to sports, the less important things you learn or act on.
The reason cheerleaders exist is to cover up the fact that sports are boring.
POPULAR PRODUCTS AND BRANDS
I hope the next version of Windows comes with a feature that lets you turn off Windows rearranging your desktop icons all the time.
How do you spot a consumer whore? By all the Star Wars merchandise they own.
I wish Fitbit could make a device that, instead of measuring your heart rate, measures what an entitled, whiney, unrelenting asshole you are.
Bourbon Street in New Orleans looks like a dream at night. It looks like a broken dream in the day light.
I bet most people in North Korea don’t put any stock in the book, “The Secret.”
America needs to mourn the deaths of all those who can’t afford overpriced healthcare as much as they mourn the latest celebrity to die.
Every time you talk about the latest dead celebrity, you distract attention and dialogue away from the world’s real problems.
The more famous you become, the less accurately you’ll be remembered.
ADVERTISING AND COMMERCIALS
Every time you watch a TV commercial, you get dumber.
TV shows with commercials are tantamount to commercials for commercials.
Morality police criminalize breaking archaic, harmless taboos in TV but don’t criminalize commercials, which teach harmful irresponsibility.
I feel like it’s only a matter of time before Microsoft starts selling advertising space on your boot up and log in screens.
Rabbits are basically genitals with a digestive system.
The cuter an animal is, the more likely humans are to put it in a cage.
Imagine if we all loved each other as much as we love our pets.
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