Category Archives: Tweets

Tweets By The Wise Sloth: January-March 2018



  • The last time you watched the news on television was the last time you saw fake news.
  • You can measure how much of a victim of fake news you are by how much you support any Republican or Democrat politician in America.
  • If you’re just now getting pissed about all your online activity being stolen, stored, and sold, you’re going to be fuming when you finally learn about all the other bad things that have been going on in the world for the past 15 years.
  • The less you ask yourself, “What am I doing to fill my partner’s needs?” the less successful your relationship will be.
  • The more emotionally you identify with a specific group, the more likely you’re being manipulated.
  • Everybody who is celebrating Easter is enjoying pretending to believe in mythology for a day before coming back to reality on Monday.
  • To the extent you don’t want your child believing in mythology, you should want your child to skeptically question every religion, especially the ones they were raised around most.
  • If you wouldn’t buy your children cigarettes or alcohol, don’t buy them fast food or sodas.
  • Civilization didn’t arise from blowing stuff up but by building things. Every dollar spent blowing stuff up is money not invested in building new things.
  • Leopard print underwear is a cultural motif signifying: DTF.
  • A writer who can’t answer these two questions, “What is the shortest possible complete story you can tell, and why?” should study story structure more before attempting to write a story.
  • If you’ve never written a book on “how to life,” you can be sure you’re not doing your best, and thus, not getting the highest returns from your actions.
  • Everyone should be constantly compiling their own “how to” book on life.
  • Attempting to write fiction is a paradox. If you can’t write a book about how to write a story, then you must not know how to write a story. So if you try, you will fail. But how can you write an authoritative book on how to write stories if you’ve never written a story?
  • “We’re both the creators and products of the situations we surround ourselves with.” – Some Psychologist
  • If you bet your soul on a book you didn’t read cover to cover at least 100 times first, you threw your soul away on a coin toss.
  • Leviticus 21 says, “Priests must not marry women defiled by prostitution or divorced from their husbands, because priests are holy to their God,” which makes it seem like divorcees are equal to prostitutes in God’s eyes. I wonder why Christians don’t want to make divorce illegal.
  • At some point in time, some guy had to give his penis the worst name in history. Maybe after we die and become one with the universe or whatever, we’ll know the truth. Was it, “Princess Mononoke?” If not, how much worse was it?
  • American news corporations are killing America by creating the illusion of a non-existent civil war between a straw man left and a straw man right in order to increase ratings so they can charge companies more to run commercials that convince poor people to buy shit they don’t need.
  • The most important thing happening in the world today is poverty, not some scripted, rigged, meaningless award ceremony for millionaire actors/actresses who distract us from the most important things happening in the world every day. #OscarSunday #oscars
  • If it’s illogical to say things like, “Guns don’t kill people. People kill people,” then it’s illogical to say things like, “Cellphones are turning us into techno-addicts who are disconnected from meaningful relationships.”
  • Nothing says, “We’re both basic,” like giving someone you love a gift card to Target.
  • Employees and customers are caught in the crossfire between business owners.
  • I wonder if we’ll ever get to know how many social media accounts are really Google A.I. bots learning how to act human. I also wonder if we’ll ever train one of them to be enough like us to troll a human into committing suicide. #google #deepthoughts #AI #FreeMovieIdea
  • If there’s any correlation between stress and gun violence, we’re probably setting up a disaster by arming teachers whose livelihoods are tied to their spoiled students’ test scores and who get bullied by students, parents, administrators, and politicians on a regular basis.
  • Guns don’t kill people. People kill people. America has a gun problem because it has an ignorance and stress problem. Arming more ignorant, stressed-out people is just doing more of the same, which will yield the same result.
  • American teachers can’t break up fights or defend themselves from students beating them up without getting fired and sued. They’re not even allowed to discipline students.  Giving them guns would amount to giving them a noose to hang themselves with.
  • If you haven’t recently worked for poverty wages, you’re not qualified to write about the health of the economy.
  • The road to stupidity is paved with asking the wrong questions.
  • Tools designed solely to kill massive amounts of people don’t kill massive amounts of people. PEOPLE KILL PEOPLE… with tools designed solely to kill massive amounts of people. Duh.
  • If you haven’t pushed a lawn mower for at least 1,000 hours of your life, you haven’t experienced male privilege.
  • When I see people on the internet complaining about white male privilege, it reminds me of when I used to pick up trash on the side of the road, cut down trees, and pressure wash bridges for 9 hours per day for $50 per day until I sold my soul to the military to escape poverty.
  • The countries with the most mass killings by civilians tend to be the most economically stressful ones to live in.
  • Rich neighborhoods have high walls and gates around them to keep the residents’ oppressively underpaid workers and overcharged customers out.
  • Before you whine about life being cruel and unfair, watch “Shark Week.” That’s a metaphor for every other creature’s life, ever. Life ain’t designed to be all roses and rainbows. Life is enjoying as many sunsets as much as possible between maulings.
  • Misogynists and misandrists obsess over how evil the opposite sex is. They wouldn’t be so uptight if they realized we’re all basically monkeys driven by lizard brains. Public shaming and sensitivity training isn’t going to put a dent in that.
  • It’s easier for rich people to change the world than for poor people to change their lives.
  • Every breakthrough leads to another setback or obstacle, which, if you can overcome them, lead to another breakthrough and another cycle of the process of getting shit done.
  • If I had enough money to launch an electric car into space… I would spend the money building sustainable eco housing for the poorest of the poor.
  • My boss pays all his workers the bare minimum, and he set a pay cap preventing anyone from ever making more than $2 an hour above their starting wage. He says he can’t afford to pay us more, but he just bought a helicopter. My boss is the epitome of American style capitalism.
  • If you can afford to climb the highest mountain in the world, you can afford to help the poorest of the poor, which is an obviously more impressive feat.
  • If you’re going to devote your life to hating, blaming, shaming, and arguing with extreme members of any culture, subculture, or other group, confront the worst members of the group you primarily identify with. They’re the biggest threat to the success of your ideology.
  • The premise of radical feminism is: Some women are angry that some men hurt, degrade, and oppress some women some of the time. Radical feminism’s solution to the problem is: All men should be hurt, degraded, and oppressed all the time.
  • No matter how many subjects you’re smarter than anyone else in, there’s still an astronomical number of subjects the average person knows more about than you.
  • Remember children, nothing is impossible… except becoming a billionaire without exploiting the poor.
  • There must be something more stable than supply and demand to base prices and wages on. It sucks living in a system that incentives people with the most leverage to exploit those with the least.
  • Humanity can’t survive an economic system that makes humans compete against each other for survival.
  • The more excited about a political candidate you are, the more gullible you probably are. This is double true if you’re excited about current politicians and triple true if you’re still excited about previous politicians.
  • To the degree Americans dislike Trump, they’re going to be equally passionate about worshiping one of the next two corrupt, unqualified, polarizing, self-serving presidential nominees the Democratic and Republican party shit out for tax payers to fight over in 2020. #potus
  • I wish Milli Vanilli would have recorded a few more albums before they got busted.
  • When your dog is playing, it’s pretending to kill something.
  • I can’t believe Democrats are hoping Oprah runs for president. How long ago did Republicans vote for a billionaire TV celebrity, and how well did that work out for them?
  • Never buy stocks or cryptocurrency from an issuer that has press releases, executive profiles, ticker prices, or encouragements to buy their stocks/coins on their home page.
  • If you’re going to buy stocks or cryptocurrencies, never buy them from issuers who say they’re going to provide a groundbreaking product or service that will fill people’s needs. Buy it from the issuers who have been filling the most people’s needs.
  • Some people say there’s a 100% chance enlisting in the military will teach you discipline that will turn you into a mature adult. Some people say there’s at least a 22%-44% chance it will turn you into an alcoholic.
  • If you’re a Christian, your new year’s resolution should be to study the book of Leviticus hard core so you can see what a steaming pile of mythology the Bible is.
  • Would you keep buying candy from a vending machine that only sells piss and shit? The vending machine is a metaphor for the Democrat and Republican parties.
  • If you’re a social justice warrior, your new year’s resolution should be to stop being racist against Caucasians and sexist against men and start addressing the real cause of economic inequality: predatory business practices.
  • If you’re a cop, your new year’s resolution should be to stop enforcing bullshit laws that only exist to oppress and exploit good people.
  • If you’re a business owner, your new year’s resolution should be to pay your workers more than the bare minimum you can get away with… you Ebenezer Scrooge fuck.
  • If you still support Trump, your new year’s resolution should be to stop ignoring evidence that contradicts your preconceived convictions.
  • In a perfect world you’d never hear/see the words, “brought to you by…”
  • Where do Atheists get their morals? Not from a book that approves of slavery and teaches that anyone who doesn’t believe in mythology is evil and deserves to burn forever.
  • We should have a holiday where once a year where all your loved ones tell you what they all know is blatantly wrong with you but nobody ever says to your face because they’re too polite and you wouldn’t listen anyway.
  • It shouldn’t be surprising that, after Trump’s first year in office, most Americans don’t want him to be president. That statistic was true when Trump won the election. Why would we be surprised most Americans still don’t want the leader they never wanted?
  • CNN, NBC, ABC, CBS, and Fox News created the world’s biggest, most damaging fake news story together when they hosted America’s 2016 Presidential election debates and calmly presented that cluster fuck of corruption as a legitimate, fair, representative, democratic election.
  • Ebenezer Scrooge is a metaphor for 99% of employers.
  • An ounce of wisdom is worth a pound of effort.
  • If you don’t mind sitting in traffic, you must have either died inside or never truly lived.
  • Trump’s presidency is a retelling of Han’s Christian Anderson’s, “The Emperor’s New Clothes,” except Trump wove the lie himself.
  • Anyone who says all white people are racist needs to watch more interracial porn.
  • Posting articles, Tweets, and comments that say every member of a certain group of people is evil educates the public about you more than the people you’ve singled out to hate.
  • The less you question how big of a douche bag you are, the bigger of one you probably are.
  • If you want a leader who is perfect, you better pick a liar.
  • The chances of you always being wrong are much higher than the chances of you always being right.
  • Americans hate income inequality about half as much as they love billionaires.
  • I know a lot of people are excited about the RNC’s latest tax plan. I’d be excited too, but my job pays the least amount the market will allow and doesn’t provide any benefits or vacation time. So I’m too tired to be excited about anything. #firstworldproblems I guess.
  • It’s bad ass that Bill Gates is donating billions of dollars he couldn’t possibly spend in his life to helping people. It’d also be bad ass if he went ahead and donated the rest of the money he’s never going to spend. Maybe he could give that money to the people he took it from.
  • I pay at least enough in taxes to build a tiny house. I pay enough in rent to build a giant house. What the fuck? Where’s my tiny house, government?
  • The fundamental problem with America is the rich minority oppressing the poor majority, not the ethnic majority oppressing the ethnic minority. The solution isn’t to oppress the ethnic majority but to liberate the poor majority.
  • Americans would have lost far fewer freedoms in the past 50 years if they spent half as much money on corruption defense as they do on military defense.
  • There are two kinds of people in the world: Those who can find an excuse to give up trying to solve any problem… and those who can find a workaround to any problem.
  • If you’ve got time to lay in bed, you’ve got time to stretch… in bed.
  • Capitalism defines people as consumers, customers, employees, employers, owners, lenders, and borrowers… but not infinitely rare cosmic miracles deserving of happiness and personal purpose.
  • Social justice warriors perpetuate the oppression of minorities by distracting the world from the fact that rich people create economic inequality and placing the blame on cis gender white male scapegoats.
  • The secret formula for genius is just hard work plus patience.


If you enjoyed this post, you’ll also like these:


Tweets About Self-Help

Tweets About Romance

Tweets About Philosophy 

Tweets About Religion

Tweets About Politics

Tweets About Economics

Tweets About Pop Culture

Video Lists

Tweets by The Wise Sloth #27: Poverty and Poor People

Cartoon image of a sloth sitting on a mountain top. He is wearing a yellow robe. His head is bowed with his eyes shut, and beams of light shine from around his head. With his left arm, he is holding one finger in the air. Above him are the words, "Tweets by The Wise Sloth."

The world’s problems have many seeds, but most of them wouldn’t have grown into banyan trees without being watered thoroughly with poverty.

It wouldn’t be so important to “get your shit together” as young as possible if the system wasn’t designed to set you up for failure.

When everything costs money, then money is the means to freedom and empowerment. When businesses extort customers and employees, profits become oppression.

The rich terrorize and hurt more poor people every day than the most extreme Jihadist could ever hope to achieve.

Everybody doesn’t have what it takes to make it in a cut-throat economy. So maybe we shouldn’t have a cut-throat economy.

Most poor people aren’t poor because they’re lazy. They’re poor because rich people hoarded all the money and created a false scarcity.

If you think poor people are all lazy and irresponsible, consider that majority of people on Earth are poor. Maybe the problem is systemic.

We should replace the phrase on the American dollar, “In God we trust,” with “God save the poor from the rich.”

Employers and politicians that create poverty, deny people hope and self-worth, which is unnatural, unnecessary and a step below murder.

If your plan to fight poverty involves making the rich, richer, you don’t understand economics.

The poor need a new economic system more than Bill Gates or Warren Buffet need $70 billion.

Poor people don’t need a safety net to land in. They need a firm foundation to stand on.

America isn’t designed to set you up for retirement. It’s designed to set you up for bankruptcy.

Banks are too big to fail. The poor are set up to fail.

Why don’t people in hurricane paths evacuate? Money. If you can’t afford to eat out, you can’t afford to run for your life.

It’s cool that the poor live better than ever before, but getting hung up on that fact ignores that they still live in perpetual fear.

Neither God nor our ancestors would be proud of how our economy is designed to fuck people harder, the poorer they are.

Life won’t get better for the majority until mutually assured protection is more mainstream than mutually assured destruction.

Money should be a luxury, not a necessity.


If you enjoyed these Tweets, you’ll also like these:

My Tweets About Self-Help
My Tweets About Romance
My Tweets About Philosophy 
My Tweets About Religion
My Tweets About Politics
My Tweets About Economics
My Tweets About Pop Culture

Tweets by The Wise Sloth #28: Capitalism, Communism and Socialsm

Cartoon image of a sloth sitting on a mountain top. He is wearing a yellow robe. His head is bowed with his eyes shut, and beams of light shine from around his head. With his left arm, he is holding one finger in the air. Above him are the words, "Tweets by The Wise Sloth."

Capitalism posits that we can achieve the greatest good by competing with each other for survival instead of cooperating.

Capitalism defines the value of human life as being equal to the least amount of money the most desperate person will work for to survive.

Capitalism doesn’t hate socialism and communism because they’re a threat to mankind but because they’re a threat to executives’ profits.

Poverty isn’t an accidental byproduct of capitalism. It’s 99% of the point.

White people aren’t the source of the world’s historical or modern systemic problems. Predatory business practices are. The problem is greed, not race.

How do you create 1 rich person? By creating 10 poor people.

You deserve the money you earn, but ask yourself, “How many lives can I save?” You’re evil if you decide to spend it on just pampering yourself.

It shouldn’t surprise you that billionaires make bad presidents. All their professional experience revolves around exploiting the public.

Do you think about how many lives you could save with $1million, right before you spend $1million on a car, toy or experience for yourself?

The rich fear bankruptcy more than bullets. If you want to motivate a rich person, then “speak their language.”

They say capitalism isn’t perfect, but it’s the best we’ve got. So I guess we need to replace it with something that’s never been done.

“Socialism = employee ownership of businesses with profit sharing

Socialism does not = nationalizing businesses to create a welfare state”

If someone says workers should be paid/treated better, it doesn’t mean they’re Communist. Communism and workers’ rights aren’t mutually exclusive.

The longer we debate/compare Capitalism, Socialism and Communism, the less time we spend designing a new system tailored to today’s needs.

Saying Socialism doesn’t work is like saying Autism doesn’t work. They’re spectrums, and at least half of all of them play well with others, but you’ve probably only heard of the worst extremes.


If you enjoyed these Tweets, you’ll also like these:

My Tweets About Self-Help
My Tweets About Romance
My Tweets About Philosophy 
My Tweets About Religion
My Tweets About Politics
My Tweets About Economics
My Tweets About Pop Culture

Tweets by The Wise Sloth #29: Hurting Customers and Workers

Cartoon image of a sloth sitting on a mountain top. He is wearing a yellow robe. His head is bowed with his eyes shut, and beams of light shine from around his head. With his left arm, he is holding one finger in the air. Above him are the words, "Tweets by The Wise Sloth."

Grey Hound charges an $18 “gift fee” if you buy someone a ticket. In other words, they extort you for helping a loved one in need. #greed

As long as prices are set by supply & demand, the most important things will be the most unaffordable.

Friendly mechanics are psychopaths. They smile at you as they extort you in your time of need so they can have a more luxurious retirement.

You can tell an economy is broken if it costs a month’s wages to fulfill annual responsibilities like car repair and dental work.

Just once I’d like a politician to declare war on bullshit charges in bills like “processing fees,” “service fees,” etc.

America criticizes young people for buying avocados instead of criticizing politicians for letting the cost of food becoming impoverishing.

Companies tell you their product is happiness, but they know what they’re really selling you is poverty.

In a world where everything costs money, it stings to go anywhere or do anything.

If you charge people who drive a $3,000 car, $3,000 for an hour of work. You’re why they’re struggling to survive and can’t have nice things

I predict that by 2020, the price of literally everything you buy will include a “service charge” and/or “processing fee.”

Charging the shit out of anyone who misses a payment on a debt, wouldn’t happen in any place faintly resembling Utopia.

If you earn minimum wage, plan to spend 3 months per year working and saving towards your car mechanic’s retirement.

The road to bankruptcy and debt is paved with “opportunities of a lifetime.”

Whenever a salesman says you have to give them a yes or no answer right now, say no.

If you believe your bank cares about you, you’re wildly mistaken. Their job isn’t to help you get money. Their job is to take your money.

Despite what their advertisements and website say, anyone who would charge you 30% interest is not your friend.

If equally hurtful when banks fine you for having $0 in your bank account, as it is when loan officers and credit card companies do it.

It’s possible to cope with everything being overpriced, but not when everything gets more overpriced the more of a necessity it is.

Slaves pick the vegetables you would buy at the grocery store if they weren’t too expensive and you weren’t too poor.

There’s a legal limit to the amount of rodent and insect parts allowed to be present in food sold in stores where, you know, vegetarians shop.

Poor Americans live in greater daily fear of the threat of starvation than the threat of terrorism.

Any store that sells cigarettes will gladly kill you for money.

The Earth doesn’t have enough resources to sustain an economy in which everything you consume comes in a bag and a box.

TV commercials are just sales pitches from con artists.

The more you believe tearing down a customer service employees is justified, the bleaker of a person you probably are inside.

You go on vacation to find relief, only to find more of the same extortionate price gouging that was stressing you out in your hometown.

Monthly bills didn’t exist until humans made them. If humans are can make the Internet, we should be able to make a world without bills.

I bet we could reduce the number of panic attacks in America by at least 80% by not requiring everyone to live in almost constant debt.

Raising taxes on addictive substances works every time… at making addicts poorer and/or turning to cheaper, more dangerous substitutes.

My only problem with fast food chains is they use slave labor to sell poison to the public and markup the cost as high as the market allows.

The low, low prices at your favorite store were brought to you by the slaves who made the products, not the generosity of the store owners.

If you pay your employees 1/10 of the profit they earn your company per hour, don’t be surprised if they give 1/10 a fuck about your company.

Most Wal-Mart workers barely make enough money to survive. The owners have as much money as a small country. That’s how trickle-down economics works.

If you can afford a $200 million home, all of your employees better have pensions, or you’re definitely going to Hell after you die.

If your employees don’t have a pension or equity, and you’re planning on buying a second house, you’re a parasite.

Fire every janitor, and make every skilled worker clean up after themselves. If profits drop, it proves what janitors’ labor is really worth.

The world’s economy depends on billions of people spending their lives working at jobs they don’t like. That’s not how you Utopia.

The 40 hour work week cripples children, and thus our future, by not giving parents enough time to raise their kids properly.

Why don’t people in hurricane paths evacuate? If they work at Pizza Hut, it’s because their boss won’t give them the day off.

Most self-help, motivation and leadership books either teach how to be a more enthusiastic slave or slaver.

The office building you dream about paradise from used to be paradise before an office building was built on it.

When a business owner takes home more $ than all the employees who operate the business, that’s slavery.

The meaner your leadership philosophy is, the more you’re going to inspire your team to hate you and want you to fail.

Businesses call their employees “partners” because they wouldn’t be as proud if their name tag said “wage slave.”

It defeats the purpose of having a system if the system makes everyone too busy/poor to exercise, eat healthy, or have a secure retirement.

The higher your hourly wage is than your employees’ or clients’ daily wage, the more you’re responsible for income inequality.

Then: 10k people build a pyramid, and 1 person gets to live like God. Now: 10k people build a business, and 1 person gets to live like God.

Your employees might have more pride in your company if you gave them paychecks they can feel proud of.

Most meth users I’ve met aren’t idle. They work at jobs that almost require meth to make it through an exhausting, soul-crushing work day.

Personal organizer/planning books and motivational speakers exist to help you manage and cope with your slavery.

There are more jobs that don’t pay a living wage than there are that do. That’s now how an economy is supposed to work.

If you go to a job interview in America, don’t say, “I’m a creative thinker.” Instead, say, “I love to work.” They want slaves, not thinkers

When that which is good for the economy isn’t good for the workers, you’ve got the wrong kind of economy.

If you’re thinking of quirky ways to offer your employees conditional bonuses, it’s probably because you don’t pay them what they deserve.

Your job is more of an opportunity for your employer than for you.

Politicians shouldn’t brag about lowering unemployment by creating new minimum wage jobs because they’re bragging about expanding slavery.

Big businesses have more to be thankful for on Memorial Day than the average wage slave worker.

The poorer you are, the more people you know who hate their jobs. The richer you are, the more people you know who take 2-hour lunch breaks.

Strip malls are the new cotton fields.

If welfare can pay more than a job, that’s not a sign we live in a welfare state. It’s a sign we live in a slave state.

If you still have to go to work when you’re sick, you don’t live in the land of the free.

The true value of a company isn’t determined by its stock price but by the quality of life of its employees and customers.

Most car accidents happen within 10 miles of people’s home because most people can’t afford to drive more than 10 miles away from home/work.

It’s not that young people don’t know what they want to do with their lives. It’s that they can’t decide which shit job they should settle for.


If you enjoyed these Tweets, you’ll also like these:

My Tweets About Self-Help
My Tweets About Romance
My Tweets About Philosophy 
My Tweets About Religion
My Tweets About Politics
My Tweets About Economics
My Tweets About Pop Culture

Tweets by The Wise Sloth #30: Investing, Real Estate and Health Care

Cartoon image of a sloth sitting on a mountain top. He is wearing a yellow robe. His head is bowed with his eyes shut, and beams of light shine from around his head. With his left arm, he is holding one finger in the air. Above him are the words, "Tweets by The Wise Sloth."

If you’re going to gamble your money away, the stock market is way more exciting than lottery tickets.

Stock tip: The more articles you see about a company fucking over their employees, invest in their stock. Exploitation=profit=growth=profit.

Stock tip: Invest in pharmaceutical companies making legal amphetamines. Everyone is overworked, and demand for insane energy is always rising.

Rent is a system that allows poor people to pay rich people’s mortgages.

If you earn minimum wage, plan to work at least 5 months per year to save towards your landlord’s retirement.

Renters are as good as indentured servants to their landlords.

When the cheapest rent you can find costs at least two weeks of your wages, your politicians aren’t doing their jobs.

If you pay rent, you’re effectively an indentured servant to your landlord.

It’s hard to get high on life when life is the suburbs.

Suburbia is the perfection of for-profit prisons.

The slogan of every subdivision and strip mall construction company should be: “Building an unsustainable tomorrow, today.”

You’ll never be able to live in your dream home because you spent it building the dream homes of your favorite businesses’ owners.

Any politician who isn’t constantly fighting to lower housing prices is failing at their job.

When Americans aren’t in prison, they have more than twice the space at home.

“When a real estate agent says: “”Are you a first time home buyer?” What a real estate agent means: “Are you a first-time debt prisoner?”

A government capable of building roads for all its taxpayers is capable of building homes for all its taxpayers.

I bet God dies inside a little every time humans pave over more nature to build more strip malls and suburbs.

Suburbia sentences you to perpetual debt, which sentences you to perpetual fear and work, resulting in permanent loss of hope and freedom.

Living in suburbia requires you to perpetually buy/replace/repair expensive stuff you must work to pay for. It’s like living in a labor camp.

Health insurance protects you from extortion if you get sick by extorting you if you stay healthy.

Hospitals give patients bills inflated with insanely high bullshit charges and are surprised when so few customers just don’t pay. #fuckyou2

Obamacare solves the problem of unaffordable healthcare by selling unaffordable insurance that doesn’t cover the cost of healthcare.

Paying five year’s wages for a lifesaving operation is the epitome of extortion.

Doctors give you life via medicine and surgery and then take it away via bills.

There’s a special place in Hell for whoever decided to charge for parking at hospitals.

If America must spend billions of dollars giving stuff away for free, medical texts books should be near the top of the list.

I wish Americans were as concerned with the freedom to buy medicine without a prescription as they are about freedom of religion.

Just once I’d like to hear America’s celebrity doctors say America’s health care system could be fixed by doctors boycotting insurance.

Politicians and soldiers should be as concerned about protecting us from insurance companies as they are about protecting us from terrorists.

If you have to worry about your government taking away your access to health care, patriotism might be more suicidal than virtuous.


If you enjoyed these Tweets, you’ll also like these:

My Tweets About Self-Help
My Tweets About Romance
My Tweets About Philosophy 
My Tweets About Religion
My Tweets About Politics
My Tweets About Economics
My Tweets About Pop Culture

Tweets by The Wise Sloth #31: American Pop Culture, TV, Movies, Celebrities, News and More

Cartoon image of a sloth sitting on a mountain top. He is wearing a yellow robe. His head is bowed with his eyes shut, and beams of light shine from around his head. With his left arm, he is holding one finger in the air. Above him are the words, "Tweets by The Wise Sloth."


Reality is bigger than the culture you were raised in.

Americans dress like other cultures on Halloween because consumerism is America’s culture.

On a long enough time scale, everyone is an immigrant. But in basically every country and culture in the world it’s popular to hate immigrants.

What some people call, “depravity,” other people call, “thinking outside the box.”

American culture teaches children to question how things have always been done almost as much as it teaches them traditions are sacrosanct.

Why is wine the only beverage humans have invented snobby rules about how you’re supposed to consume it?

When wine connoisseurs talk about the dos and don’ts of drinking wine, I think, “Man, do I try to tell you the right way to use ketchup?”

“Oh my God! You’re a real vampire!” said no dentist to a Goth, ever.

The bigger a movement gets, the more idiots join, until the idiots are the majority and have enough power in numbers to define the movement.

I bet Chinese kids who make fireworks look down on American kids, who can’t be trusted to use the fireworks they made, without supervision.

Why is it that the most entitled, spoiled, bitchy customers are always either the richest or the poorest customers?


Your favorite show is the least important thing happening in the world.

The more you talk about movies and celebrities, the more you distract from the problems you watch movies to escape from in the first place.

When you watch television, you pass up opportunities to succeed at life by investing your time watching other people succeed at life.

I predict in five years, every movie scene will be filmed in orange and teal lights.

Just once I wish someone watching reality TV would drop their head in their hands and mumble, “Fuck. I’m what’s wrong with this world.”

When I watched “Cool as Ice” at a drive-in movie theater, I didn’t know how old saying that would make me sound someday.

You can measure how unfulfilling your country is by how much television you watch.

Every time you watch dumb TV shows or listen to dumb music, you vote for the world being dumb. Ultimately, that’s a vote for extinction.

When you’re ready for meaningful change to happen in the world, stop watching meaningless, petty movies, TV shows, and YouTube channels.

Rod Serling’s monologs in “The Twilight Zone” tend to make as much sense as The Ultimate Warrior’s monologs in the WWF.

When I hear how much it cost to make a movie, I wonder how many farms and homeless shelters humanity could have built instead.

The more breaks you take from life’s problems to watch mindless TV, the more you put off solving the problems hurting you and humanity.

I loved the Ninja Turtles as a kid. Less after I realized if they came to my house, we’d probably never get the smell of sewer shit out.

When I watched the Matrix I was like, robots can build virtual reality biomass battery farms but not a tall pole to put solar panels on?

Every time I watch a movie where humans fight aliens, the whole time I’m like, both sides would have died immediately from the other’s germs.

Watching the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles growing up, it always confused me that the smartest member of the team wasn’t the leader.

Bruce Wayne should have hired 10,000 mercenaries and a wise council to fight evil instead of spending millions on a one-man vigilante fetish.

Aliens would be baffled by how much comedy humans watch on TV while our world is dying from wars, corruption, atrocities, oppression, and waste.

The more crappy TV you watch, the crappier your thoughts will tend to be.

I worry Disney makes all their heroes royalty because they want us to glorify rulers & believe we’re royal too, not the slaves we really are.


I would have watched “Care Bears” when I was a kid if one of them was named “Jean Claude Van Damme Heart.”

It’s only a matter of time until we see a movie about Google inventing an artificial intelligence based on the internet’s hive mind.

Why hasn’t Hollywood made a TV series about a redneck MacGuyver yet? Emphasis on the word, “yet.”

Think about how “successfully” L. Ron Hubbard invented his own religious cult. Imagine if Alex Jones did that and live-streamed life inside his cult compound. That’d be wild.

I wish Hollywood would make a dating advice show hosted by Danny Trejo.

Neanderthals may have gone extinct because Homo sapiens committed genocide… which would make a pretty cool movie.

I wish someone would make a horror movie about giant cats with snake fangs or dogs with shark heads.

I hope one day I get to see a Broadway show titled, “Poverty: The Musical.”

If Facebook has taught us anything, it’s that the first person to make a movie called “Cats VS Babies” is going to make a lot of money.


If politicians and the news didn’t divide America into “left” and “right,” nobody else would.

The angrier and more frightened watching the news makes you, the less likely you’re watching real journalistic reporting.

The easiest way to distract Americans is to make a controversial, heart-wrenching human interest story go viral.

A guy getting kicked off an overbooked flight is not the most important thing happening today and not what everyone should be talking about.

The angrier the poor get at the rich, the more the media tells them to be angry at another group of people.

If you believe there’s a liberal conspiracy to destroy America, the problem is you believe anything any fear-peddling shock jock sells you.


Most of Guns N’ Roses’ songs are love songs. They’re basically a louder version of Tailor Swift.

Elton John’s music would have been more interesting if he was Goth.

Whatever your favorite radio DJ personalities are most excited about, you should not be.

Radio DJs play commercials and vapid pop music. So their job is to spread intellectual dystopia in the minds of the public.

The more emotional a news host is, the more likely they’re a shock jock.


Every 4 years the world should donate their Olympic budgets to building a free mega school instead of investing it in sweat and fraud.

Imagine what the world would be like if the masses got as worked up over poverty (or any issue that matters) as they do over sports.

Every year on Super Bowl Sunday I celebrate sanity by not watching the Super Bowl.

Apparently, the most important thing happening in America today is, a few brain-damaged rich guys are carrying a ball back and forth between two lines.

If you base one iota of your identity around your affiliation with a pro sports team, you’re a woefully gullible consumer whore.

Doctors and football coaches disagree with the following statement: It is never a good idea to bang your head against anything.

The more attention you pay to sports, the less important things you learn or act on.

The reason cheerleaders exist is to cover up the fact that sports are boring.


I hope the next version of Windows comes with a feature that lets you turn off Windows rearranging your desktop icons all the time.

How do you spot a consumer whore? By all the Star Wars merchandise they own.

I wish Fitbit could make a device that, instead of measuring your heart rate, measures what an entitled, whiney, unrelenting asshole you are.

Bourbon Street in New Orleans looks like a dream at night. It looks like a broken dream in the daylight.

I bet most people in North Korea don’t put any stock in the book, “The Secret.”


America needs to mourn the deaths of all those who can’t afford overpriced healthcare as much as they mourn the latest celebrity to die.

Every time you talk about the latest dead celebrity, you distract attention and dialogue away from the world’s real problems.

The more famous you become, the less accurately you’ll be remembered.


Every time you watch a TV commercial, you get dumber.

TV shows with commercials are tantamount to commercials for commercials.

Morality police criminalize breaking archaic, harmless taboos in TV but don’t criminalize commercials, which teach harmful irresponsibility.

I feel like it’s only a matter of time before Microsoft starts selling advertising space on your boot up and login screens.


Rabbits are basically genitals with a digestive system.

The cuter an animal is, the more likely humans are to put it in a cage.

Imagine if we all loved each other as much as we love our pets.

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Tweets by The Wise Sloth #19: Political Corruption, Incompetence and Voting

Cartoon image of a sloth sitting on a mountain top. He is wearing a yellow robe. His head is bowed with his eyes shut, and beams of light shine from around his head. With his left arm, he is holding one finger in the air. Above him are the words, "Tweets by The Wise Sloth."

Politicians only call companies that are big enough to fund their career, “too big to fail.”

Shortest explanation of USA politics: Most elected politicians are professional campaigners who work almost exclusively for their donors.

Soldiers protect you from terrorists. Cops protect you from criminals, and Congress protects big business’s profit margins from you.

Politicians call people who kill Americans, cowards. If that’s true, it’s more cowardly when they sell corporations the power to write laws.

It baffles me that in 2017 there are still people who believe politicians care about what people who haven’t given them money think.

You’d think humans would have learned by now, when a politician asks for more power, it’s for their benefit, at your expense.

Luckily, in America, the First Amendment allows you to speak freely about all your other rights the RNC and DNC are constantly taking away.

Just once I’d like to hear a politician advocate setting limits to how many laws a politician can break before being dishonorably discharged.

I wish the Republican Party would stop putting on pretenses and just change their name to the Fox News Party.

Charisma is a virtue, but the more intoxicatingly charismatic your leader is, the more likely they’re a sociopath and you’re gullible.

The more passionately you support any American politician, the more you should doubt your objectivity and double check you’re not wrong.

If politicians could be dishonorably discharged for negligence, bad conduct and crime, all of America’s congress would qualify for one.

If America can’t progress because the RNC & DNC can’t work together then the solution is to end the RNC & DNC.

50% of America’s children live in poverty. How many more need to before our political parties are fired?

My entire life I haven’t been waiting to see what problem my president solves next, I’ve been waiting to see what problem he creates next.

The more rules you have to follow that stress you out, the more likely your soldiers and/or politicians must be failing at their job.

The more you find yourself telling people to give your hero a second chance, the more likely you should give your hero a second look.

Uncle Sam lets us to vote on which hand he punches us in the dick with. If we don’t vote, we can’t complain when the decision is made for us.

Election Day should be a national holiday almost as much as elections shouldn’t be stacked or rigged.

Congressmen/women, who are picked by voters in single states, get to decide laws that affect every other state. Totally defeats the purpose.


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Tweets by The Wise Sloth #20: Political and Economic Freedom

Cartoon image of a sloth sitting on a mountain top. He is wearing a yellow robe. His head is bowed with his eyes shut, and beams of light shine from around his head. With his left arm, he is holding one finger in the air. Above him are the words, "Tweets by The Wise Sloth."

When the country with the largest prison population celebrates its freedoms, it’s celebrating a delusion.

If the right to vote, work, love, own a gun or live on your own terms can be taken away then they’re not rights. They’re privileges at best.

America would feel more like the land of the free if you didn’t get yelled at and punished for not mowing your lawn.

It’s not sedition if a politician acts against the will & interest of the people. It is if a person complains about corruption too much.

When your government takes away your freedoms for your own good, they’re taking the position that freedom is no good.

You’ll be told America is the land of the free until you try to enter one of its national parks. Then you’ll be told to pay up or piss off.

I have the freedom of speech and religion! Can’t wait to exercise them when bills don’t have me chained to my day job.

July 4th is the day Americans are supposed to take time to appreciate their freedoms… even if they’re not free to take that time off work.

Poor Americans live with more fear than freedoms.

Americans need licenses to do anything but go to church. As long as that line isn’t crossed, we accept having to apply/pay for our freedoms.

If your life feels like a rat race, then you don’t live in the land of the free.

Labor Day isn’t a celebration of freedom. It’s a distraction from the reality that we’re all wage slaves.

America should change its slogan from “the land of the free” to “arbeit macht frei.”

If America were the land of the free nobody would have to work 40 hours per week or die homeless.

If America is a land “of the people, by the people, for the people,” then why is it a gruesome fucking rat race?

If you don’t like America, then leave. Oh, wait. You can’t because America’s oppressive economy keeps you living paycheck to paycheck.

Every month hundreds of millions of Americans celebrate their freedom by living paycheck to paycheck.

Every year Americans celebrate their freedom by paying hundreds of dollars to renew their professional licenses that arbitrarily expired.


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My Tweets About Pop Culture

Tweets by The Wise Sloth #21: Immigration, Racism and Guns

Cartoon image of a sloth sitting on a mountain top. He is wearing a yellow robe. His head is bowed with his eyes shut, and beams of light shine from around his head. With his left arm, he is holding one finger in the air. Above him are the words, "Tweets by The Wise Sloth."

If you think people who aren’t like you to leave your country, you should petition your government to make leaving your country not damn near impossible.

The question you should be asking isn’t, “Why are immigrants being let in my country?” but “Why isn’t everyone allowed to go everywhere?”

I wish humanity was as passionate about devoting resources to emigrating off Earth as we are stopping people from immigrating around Earth.

The more you believe that only the natives in your country deserve to live and work there, the less you believe all humans are one family.

Machines designed specifically to kill people don’t kill people. People kill people with machines designed specifically to kill people.

It doesn’t prove easy access to guns keeps us safer when a gun bought from Wal-Mart is used to stop a shooter who bought a gun at Wal-Mart.

The British defeated the Maoris by selling them guns, which they slaughtered each other with. Corporations did the same thing to Americans.

If the US government ever actually makes guns illegal, it won’t be to control gun advocates. It will be to bait them into a civil war.

It sucks that whenever there’s a mass shooting, one of the first questions it raises is, “What freedoms will we lose now?”

The NRA advocates mutually assured destruction as the best way to guarantee our safety. Their motto should be, “Salvation through fear.”

The more you hate a group of people, the more you should question the motives of the people who warned you about that group… regardless.

The more you believe your culture should be imposed on the entire world, the more likely you’re a gullible follower in a terroristic cult.

The more you believe that people who aren’t exactly like you are the root of your country’s problems, the more gullible you probably are.

Every American who hates immigrants doesn’t tell the waiter at their favorite authentic Asian and Mexican food restaurants about it.

When politicians tell you someone is coming to kill your family, it’s to distract you from noticing someone who is coming to take your money.

The larger the group of people you blame the world’s problems on, the more likely you’re just an intellectually lazy bigot.

If people keep stereotyping you as the worst member of your group, don’t try to fix your accusers. Raise up the broken members of your group.

There’s a time and a place to bitch about the dangers of illegal immigration. In summer, when Jose is landscaping your lawn, is not the time.

If you think the world is divided into liberals and conservatives, and world peace will be achieved when one side wins, you’re a gullible fool.

No matter where you live, if you’re proud of being in the majority, you’re probably proud of being a gullible, surface-thinking idiot.

If you find yourself celebrating the deaths of innocent civilians, it’s time to consider you might be one of the bad guys.

If your plan to make the world better is to kill, incarcerate or deport all the bad guys, you’re probably one of the bad guys.


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Tweets by The Wise Sloth #22: Public Education


Cartoon image of a sloth sitting on a mountain top. He is wearing a yellow robe. His head is bowed with his eyes shut, and beams of light shine from around his head. With his left arm, he is holding one finger in the air. Above him are the words, "Tweets by The Wise Sloth."

Let’s just eliminate university and make public high school 4 years longer. It’ll be cheaper, and we’d get a better education.

Instead of using school time to teach kids how to celebrate nonsensical holidays, let’s teach them how to solve problems during that time.

Learning how to overcome fear is more important than learning the quadratic equation. Yet schools are more likely to teach the latter.

Dangerous adults aren’t created when society fails to censor kids from bad ethics, but when society fails to teach kids functional ethics.

America’s education system is so broken, it would be better to go 100% digital and close all brick and mortar schools.

It would solve so many problems later in life if schools taught children how to take a hint.

Schools should have classes that teach you how/why not to throw tantrums when you don’t get what you want.

My high school history teacher once told my class America was founded by criminals, slaves, and religious freaks. It seems nothing has changed.

Just because you took a class in college doesn’t mean you know shit about shit.

High schools really need to teach classes on defining and maintaining your self-worth.

In a perfect world, we would have instructional classes in school on dating, sex, and masturbation.

They tell you to go to college to learn. They don’t tell you half your professors will just teach you their shitty life story.

The call to action raised by ignorance is education, not violence.

Anyone who educates themself is a hero.


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My Tweets About Self-Help
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My Tweets About Politics
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My Tweets About Pop Culture

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