Tag Archives: pop culture wisdom

Tweets By The Wise Sloth: January-March 2018

 

 

  • The last time you watched the news on television was the last time you saw fake news.
  • You can measure how much of a victim of fake news you are by how much you support any Republican or Democrat politician in America.
  • If you’re just now getting pissed about all your online activity being stolen, stored, and sold, you’re going to be fuming when you finally learn about all the other bad things that have been going on in the world for the past 15 years.
  • The less you ask yourself, “What am I doing to fill my partner’s needs?” the less successful your relationship will be.
  • The more emotionally you identify with a specific group, the more likely you’re being manipulated.
  • Everybody who is celebrating Easter is enjoying pretending to believe in mythology for a day before coming back to reality on Monday.
  • To the extent you don’t want your child believing in mythology, you should want your child to skeptically question every religion, especially the ones they were raised around most.
  • If you wouldn’t buy your children cigarettes or alcohol, don’t buy them fast food or sodas.
  • Civilization didn’t arise from blowing stuff up but by building things. Every dollar spent blowing stuff up is money not invested in building new things.
  • Leopard print underwear is a cultural motif signifying: DTF.
  • A writer who can’t answer these two questions, “What is the shortest possible complete story you can tell, and why?” should study story structure more before attempting to write a story.
  • If you’ve never written a book on “how to life,” you can be sure you’re not doing your best, and thus, not getting the highest returns from your actions.
  • Everyone should be constantly compiling their own “how to” book on life.
  • Attempting to write fiction is a paradox. If you can’t write a book about how to write a story, then you must not know how to write a story. So if you try, you will fail. But how can you write an authoritative book on how to write stories if you’ve never written a story?
  • “We’re both the creators and products of the situations we surround ourselves with.” – Some Psychologist
  • If you bet your soul on a book you didn’t read cover to cover at least 100 times first, you threw your soul away on a coin toss.
  • Leviticus 21 says, “Priests must not marry women defiled by prostitution or divorced from their husbands, because priests are holy to their God,” which makes it seem like divorcees are equal to prostitutes in God’s eyes. I wonder why Christians don’t want to make divorce illegal.
  • At some point in time, some guy had to give his penis the worst name in history. Maybe after we die and become one with the universe or whatever, we’ll know the truth. Was it, “Princess Mononoke?” If not, how much worse was it?
  • American news corporations are killing America by creating the illusion of a non-existent civil war between a straw man left and a straw man right in order to increase ratings so they can charge companies more to run commercials that convince poor people to buy shit they don’t need.
  • The most important thing happening in the world today is poverty, not some scripted, rigged, meaningless award ceremony for millionaire actors/actresses who distract us from the most important things happening in the world every day. #OscarSunday #oscars
  • If it’s illogical to say things like, “Guns don’t kill people. People kill people,” then it’s illogical to say things like, “Cellphones are turning us into techno-addicts who are disconnected from meaningful relationships.”
  • Nothing says, “We’re both basic,” like giving someone you love a gift card to Target.
  • Employees and customers are caught in the crossfire between business owners.
  • I wonder if we’ll ever get to know how many social media accounts are really Google A.I. bots learning how to act human. I also wonder if we’ll ever train one of them to be enough like us to troll a human into committing suicide. #google #deepthoughts #AI #FreeMovieIdea
  • If there’s any correlation between stress and gun violence, we’re probably setting up a disaster by arming teachers whose livelihoods are tied to their spoiled students’ test scores and who get bullied by students, parents, administrators, and politicians on a regular basis.
  • Guns don’t kill people. People kill people. America has a gun problem because it has an ignorance and stress problem. Arming more ignorant, stressed-out people is just doing more of the same, which will yield the same result.
  • American teachers can’t break up fights or defend themselves from students beating them up without getting fired and sued. They’re not even allowed to discipline students.  Giving them guns would amount to giving them a noose to hang themselves with.
  • If you haven’t recently worked for poverty wages, you’re not qualified to write about the health of the economy.
  • The road to stupidity is paved with asking the wrong questions.
  • Tools designed solely to kill massive amounts of people don’t kill massive amounts of people. PEOPLE KILL PEOPLE… with tools designed solely to kill massive amounts of people. Duh.
  • If you haven’t pushed a lawn mower for at least 1,000 hours of your life, you haven’t experienced male privilege.
  • When I see people on the internet complaining about white male privilege, it reminds me of when I used to pick up trash on the side of the road, cut down trees, and pressure wash bridges for 9 hours per day for $50 per day until I sold my soul to the military to escape poverty.
  • The countries with the most mass killings by civilians tend to be the most economically stressful ones to live in.
  • Rich neighborhoods have high walls and gates around them to keep the residents’ oppressively underpaid workers and overcharged customers out.
  • Before you whine about life being cruel and unfair, watch “Shark Week.” That’s a metaphor for every other creature’s life, ever. Life ain’t designed to be all roses and rainbows. Life is enjoying as many sunsets as much as possible between maulings.
  • Misogynists and misandrists obsess over how evil the opposite sex is. They wouldn’t be so uptight if they realized we’re all basically monkeys driven by lizard brains. Public shaming and sensitivity training isn’t going to put a dent in that.
  • It’s easier for rich people to change the world than for poor people to change their lives.
  • Every breakthrough leads to another setback or obstacle, which, if you can overcome them, lead to another breakthrough and another cycle of the process of getting shit done.
  • If I had enough money to launch an electric car into space… I would spend the money building sustainable eco housing for the poorest of the poor.
  • My boss pays all his workers the bare minimum, and he set a pay cap preventing anyone from ever making more than $2 an hour above their starting wage. He says he can’t afford to pay us more, but he just bought a helicopter. My boss is the epitome of American style capitalism.
  • If you can afford to climb the highest mountain in the world, you can afford to help the poorest of the poor, which is an obviously more impressive feat.
  • If you’re going to devote your life to hating, blaming, shaming, and arguing with extreme members of any culture, subculture, or other group, confront the worst members of the group you primarily identify with. They’re the biggest threat to the success of your ideology.
  • The premise of radical feminism is: Some women are angry that some men hurt, degrade, and oppress some women some of the time. Radical feminism’s solution to the problem is: All men should be hurt, degraded, and oppressed all the time.
  • No matter how many subjects you’re smarter than anyone else in, there’s still an astronomical number of subjects the average person knows more about than you.
  • Remember children, nothing is impossible… except becoming a billionaire without exploiting the poor.
  • There must be something more stable than supply and demand to base prices and wages on. It sucks living in a system that incentives people with the most leverage to exploit those with the least.
  • Humanity can’t survive an economic system that makes humans compete against each other for survival.
  • The more excited about a political candidate you are, the more gullible you probably are. This is double true if you’re excited about current politicians and triple true if you’re still excited about previous politicians.
  • To the degree Americans dislike Trump, they’re going to be equally passionate about worshiping one of the next two corrupt, unqualified, polarizing, self-serving presidential nominees the Democratic and Republican party shit out for tax payers to fight over in 2020. #potus
  • I wish Milli Vanilli would have recorded a few more albums before they got busted.
  • When your dog is playing, it’s pretending to kill something.
  • I can’t believe Democrats are hoping Oprah runs for president. How long ago did Republicans vote for a billionaire TV celebrity, and how well did that work out for them?
  • Never buy stocks or cryptocurrency from an issuer that has press releases, executive profiles, ticker prices, or encouragements to buy their stocks/coins on their home page.
  • If you’re going to buy stocks or cryptocurrencies, never buy them from issuers who say they’re going to provide a groundbreaking product or service that will fill people’s needs. Buy it from the issuers who have been filling the most people’s needs.
  • Some people say there’s a 100% chance enlisting in the military will teach you discipline that will turn you into a mature adult. Some people say there’s at least a 22%-44% chance it will turn you into an alcoholic.
  • If you’re a Christian, your new year’s resolution should be to study the book of Leviticus hard core so you can see what a steaming pile of mythology the Bible is.
  • Would you keep buying candy from a vending machine that only sells piss and shit? The vending machine is a metaphor for the Democrat and Republican parties.
  • If you’re a social justice warrior, your new year’s resolution should be to stop being racist against Caucasians and sexist against men and start addressing the real cause of economic inequality: predatory business practices.
  • If you’re a cop, your new year’s resolution should be to stop enforcing bullshit laws that only exist to oppress and exploit good people.
  • If you’re a business owner, your new year’s resolution should be to pay your workers more than the bare minimum you can get away with… you Ebenezer Scrooge fuck.
  • If you still support Trump, your new year’s resolution should be to stop ignoring evidence that contradicts your preconceived convictions.
  • In a perfect world you’d never hear/see the words, “brought to you by…”
  • Where do Atheists get their morals? Not from a book that approves of slavery and teaches that anyone who doesn’t believe in mythology is evil and deserves to burn forever.
  • We should have a holiday where once a year where all your loved ones tell you what they all know is blatantly wrong with you but nobody ever says to your face because they’re too polite and you wouldn’t listen anyway.
  • It shouldn’t be surprising that, after Trump’s first year in office, most Americans don’t want him to be president. That statistic was true when Trump won the election. Why would we be surprised most Americans still don’t want the leader they never wanted?
  • CNN, NBC, ABC, CBS, and Fox News created the world’s biggest, most damaging fake news story together when they hosted America’s 2016 Presidential election debates and calmly presented that cluster fuck of corruption as a legitimate, fair, representative, democratic election.
  • Ebenezer Scrooge is a metaphor for 99% of employers.
  • An ounce of wisdom is worth a pound of effort.
  • If you don’t mind sitting in traffic, you must have either died inside or never truly lived.
  • Trump’s presidency is a retelling of Han’s Christian Anderson’s, “The Emperor’s New Clothes,” except Trump wove the lie himself.
  • Anyone who says all white people are racist needs to watch more interracial porn.
  • Posting articles, Tweets, and comments that say every member of a certain group of people is evil educates the public about you more than the people you’ve singled out to hate.
  • The less you question how big of a douche bag you are, the bigger of one you probably are.
  • If you want a leader who is perfect, you better pick a liar.
  • The chances of you always being wrong are much higher than the chances of you always being right.
  • Americans hate income inequality about half as much as they love billionaires.
  • I know a lot of people are excited about the RNC’s latest tax plan. I’d be excited too, but my job pays the least amount the market will allow and doesn’t provide any benefits or vacation time. So I’m too tired to be excited about anything. #firstworldproblems I guess.
  • It’s bad ass that Bill Gates is donating billions of dollars he couldn’t possibly spend in his life to helping people. It’d also be bad ass if he went ahead and donated the rest of the money he’s never going to spend. Maybe he could give that money to the people he took it from.
  • I pay at least enough in taxes to build a tiny house. I pay enough in rent to build a giant house. What the fuck? Where’s my tiny house, government?
  • The fundamental problem with America is the rich minority oppressing the poor majority, not the ethnic majority oppressing the ethnic minority. The solution isn’t to oppress the ethnic majority but to liberate the poor majority.
  • Americans would have lost far fewer freedoms in the past 50 years if they spent half as much money on corruption defense as they do on military defense.
  • There are two kinds of people in the world: Those who can find an excuse to give up trying to solve any problem… and those who can find a workaround to any problem.
  • If you’ve got time to lay in bed, you’ve got time to stretch… in bed.
  • Capitalism defines people as consumers, customers, employees, employers, owners, lenders, and borrowers… but not infinitely rare cosmic miracles deserving of happiness and personal purpose.
  • Social justice warriors perpetuate the oppression of minorities by distracting the world from the fact that rich people create economic inequality and placing the blame on cis gender white male scapegoats.
  • The secret formula for genius is just hard work plus patience.

 

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