Category Archives: Tweets

Tweets by The Wise Sloth #23: Political Reform

Cartoon image of a sloth sitting on a mountain top. He is wearing a yellow robe. His head is bowed with his eyes shut, and beams of light shine from around his head. With his left arm, he is holding one finger in the air. Above him are the words, "Tweets by The Wise Sloth."

If it’s a sin to question your government then it’s a sin to fix corruption.

What you want your government to be like matters more than what your forefathers wanted their government to be like.

Instead of having a Republican and Democratic Party, how about a Male and Female, or Young and Old, or Employer and Employee, or anything else?

If only allowing current high school honor students to serve in Congress would seriously make America better, then why not seriously do it?

America tried to use a two-party, winner-take-all voting system to represent the will of a nation so diverse it’s known as “the great melting pot.”

If it’s vital that the president be limited to 2 terms, wouldn’t the same reasons apply to every elected position?

Congress should be held to at least the same standard of testing, tracking and consequences as testing companies hold preteen students to.

Lifelong political positions discriminate against young voters by locking in their parents’ generations’ representation in government.

There should only be one thing you have to do to become a presidential candidate: Pass the hardest government test MIT can come up with.

When a few people are stressed and pissed, change a few things. When most people are, change the fundamentals.

The president picking a vice president is like an ugly girl picking which fat friend she brings to the club to make her look better.

If you can organize a country to vote for a president every 4 years then you can organize a country to vote on important issues every year.

The biggest problem in the world right now is that not enough people are talking enough about the biggest problems in the world enough.

When I hear people say, “I’m tired of hearing people talk about Trump,” I think, “Not talking about politics is how we ended up with Trump.”

I want my tax dollars to be spent paying a group of writers to write a book titled, “Survival Guide to Life.”

Americans have proven they can’t protest without rioting. It’s about time they try something different.

At least once in my life, I’d like to hear a politician say voters should have the ability to veto politicians out of office by popular vote.

If massage therapists have to do continuing education to keep their job, so should Congress.

I’m ready for politicians to declare war on bills.

If it’s important to drug test the janitors on Capitol Hill, it’s important to drug test the people who vote on declarations of war.

The only person in the American military who isn’t required to take drug tests is the commander in chief. #OfAllPeople #RoomForOneMore?

Social issues can’t be solved if the only people talking about them and offering solutions, are the most radical members of each side.

If we need soldiers to be able to get dishonorable discharges, it must be more important for politicians to be subject to the same standard.

Instead of staffing government mostly with lawyers, we should staff it mostly with computer programmers. Couldn’t be any worse.

Poverty will always be epidemic as long as the rich are the only people allowed to make the rules.

America would be better off if every news anchor was a licensed psychologist, instead of a surreal-acting sensationalist.

If we can’t redistribute the rich’s wealth to the poor, let’s at least redistribute the taxes poor people pay to services that help them.

If anything should be illegal, charging interest on interest should be right after murder and rape.

If welfare isn’t working in your country, it doesn’t mean welfare is evil. It means your government’s bureaucracy is broken and needs fixing.

Like how businesses do random drug screenings on employees, governments should do random corruption and war crimes screening on politicians.

Since America is jailing people for doing things that hurt them, it should criminalize fanatical patriotism and making excuses for politicians.

Since America is jailing people for doing things that hurt them, they should make it illegal not to learn something new every day.

America should make a new rule that a president can’t be elected without 50% of the popular vote.

Everyone should be eligible to apply directly for any government position. Why pay for something you’re not allowed to use?

If you can’t vote directly on how 100% of your taxes are spent, then you don’t own your government. It owns you.

 

If you enjoyed these Tweets, you’ll also like these:

My Tweets About Self-Help
My Tweets About Romance
My Tweets About Philosophy 
My Tweets About Religion
My Tweets About Politics
My Tweets About Economics
My Tweets About Pop Culture

Tweets by The Wise Sloth #24: Police, Prisons and Drug Laws

Cartoon image of a sloth sitting on a mountain top. He is wearing a yellow robe. His head is bowed with his eyes shut, and beams of light shine from around his head. With his left arm, he is holding one finger in the air. Above him are the words, "Tweets by The Wise Sloth."

Memorial Day is the perfect day to ask why America has more prisoners than any other country.

Any president who doesn’t talk about the fact that state-sanctioned slavery going on in U.S. prisons, is a complete failure at their job.

A country only cares about its free citizens as much as it cares about its prisoners.

Maybe the U.S.A. shouldn’t have more citizens in prison than any country in the world.

As long as there are for-profit prisons, ticket quotas and a war on drugs, there are no good cops, only accomplices to crime at best.

I knew an inmate who refused to work in the prison sweatshop. When asked why. He said, “If I wanted to be a slave, I wouldn’t have sold drugs”

More Americans have been to jail than have a passport.

At any given time, there are more Americans in jail than on vacation.

If you’re afraid of your police then you probably don’t live in the land of the free.

If you have to worry about the police protecting you from yourself, you’re not free.

Someone who plans to use anything you say against you in a court of law is not there to serve and protect you.

Just once I’d like to hear an American president address the fact that Americans live in constant fear of their own police force.

Tyranny cannot exist unless good people uphold bad laws in the name of duty and patriotism.

I don’t know why people riot, but I have noticed that I un-oppressed people rarely do.

In nobody’s utopia do people fear the police. In everyone’s dystopia the general public fears the police.

The more often and intensely you’re afraid of accidentally or unintentionally breaking the law, the more likely you live in a police state.

The more non-violent protesters cops arrest, the more they make violence inevitable by proving non-violence is not an option.

Most Americans are more intensely and frequently afraid of seeing an American cop or doctor than a foreign terrorist.

Americans don’t suck because there aren’t enough rules, but because there are too many.

Walking in big American cities is dangerous. If the cops don’t get you, the criminals will.

It really illustrates who the government works for when cops arrest people protesting big businesses seizing and building on their land.

The police are doing a pretty good job at protecting me from illegal robbery. They’re doing a terrible job protecting me from legal robbery.

When someone tells you to respect authority, they’re really telling you to embrace subjugation.

Refusing to question rules/orders doesn’t make you morally strong/pure but intellectually weak/lazy.

Every time a cop gives a ticket to meet a quota, they defeat the purpose of police existing.

If you want to feel free then think of police quotas as freedom quotas.

America’s police celebrate America’s freedoms every July 4th by giving tickets to citizens for drinking and using fireworks too liberally.

Soldiers giveth freedom, and police taketh away.

A good guy wouldn’t take all of a poor person’s money because they don’t have a sticker on their car, but any cop would.

The more you believe victimless crimes should be policed by the government, the less you believe in freedom.

Police have unmarked cars so… you can’t spot them coming to serve and protect you?

Fastest way to reduce the number of police shootings: Reduce the number of pointless victimless crimes cops have to engage people over.

Cops are deadly stressed and scared because they never know who’s going to shoot them… as they pull people over to humiliate, harass, attack and exploit with bullshit tickets all day.

Your tax dollars would keep you a lot safer if the government paid for everyone’s groceries instead of putting patrol cars on every street.

Every soldier who ever died, died in vain every time a cop punishes a taxpayer for a victimless crime.

If America is the land of the free, then those must be freedom fines, freedom fees and freedom tickets I keep getting.

America has a drug epidemic because it has a hopelessness epidemic, which is made much worse by drug laws.

Sending people to jail for using drugs is like shooting them in the face to protect them from shooting themselves in the foot.

A good guy wouldn’t destroy someone’s life because they own a plant, but any cop would.

The TSA would help more people if it sold its scanners and bought farmland and paid its staff to farm and give free food to the poor.

The NSA wished Americans a happy Independence Day yesterday on Twitter. No need to tell them what you wished for. They already know.

I wonder how many homes and gardens could have been built with the money America has spent spying on its citizens.

 

If you enjoyed these Tweets, you’ll also like these:

My Tweets About Self-Help
My Tweets About Romance
My Tweets About Philosophy 
My Tweets About Religion
My Tweets About Politics
My Tweets About Economics
My Tweets About Pop Culture

Tweets by The Wise Sloth #25: War, Military Industrial Complex and Soldiers

Cartoon image of a sloth sitting on a mountain top. He is wearing a yellow robe. His head is bowed with his eyes shut, and beams of light shine from around his head. With his left arm, he is holding one finger in the air. Above him are the words, "Tweets by The Wise Sloth."

America has over a million prisoners working in sweatshops (mostly nonviolent drug offenders), who all wish someone was fighting for their freedom.

American CEOs and investors tend to profit far more than American workers each time America goes to war.

Debt hurts more Americans than drugs and terrorism combined. If there were a war on debt, the American government would fight on debt’s side.

If you join the military, never forget that you’re fighting to defend a minimum wage that’s half the living wage.

On Memorial Day we remember all the striking workers shot by the National Guard and law-abiding citizens shot by the police… or not.

Not being able to afford to survive is a more imminent threat to Americans than terrorism. The source of that problem is in Washington DC.

America’s military will fight anyone who tries to take away Americans’ freedoms… everyone except employers. Then they back ’em.

As a veteran, I feel sick and guilty when Americans thank me for “fighting” for their freedom. They lost freedoms on my watch.

It takes every cop and soldier working together with the best of intentions to prop up a corrupt government.

It’s not mature to learn how to follow orders if you’re taught to obey psychopathic, sociopathic, greedy, megalomaniac, idiot leaders.

Let’s everyone (except the homeless, prisoners, soldiers, slaves, refugees, and terminally ill) celebrate another apocalypse-free year.

Think about this before enlisting. American presidents, the commander in chiefs of the military, are as synonymous with dishonesty as American military recruiters.

It doesn’t matter if America is the world’s police, if it’s the main importer of sweatshop goods and exporter of sweatshop jobs.

Smart men started the war in Iraq, which only accomplished destabilizing the Middle East. Makes you wonder if that was the whole point.

Either the Iraq war was started by dumb people screwing up or smart people being evil. Either way, America needs a better political system.

How to solve all the crises in the Middle East: Every country pays into a fund to turn the Middle East into the world’s largest farm.

If Palestinians were gorillas, America would be sending its children to save them.

Our soldiers have been protecting our freedoms by killing foreign goat herders while our police and politicians take our freedoms away.

The solution to Middle East terrorism=build sustainable infrastructure that makes life not suck so bad residents would rather kill than live.

Most of the largest nations in the world have troops fighting in the Middle East. Isn’t that the definition of World War 3?

 

If you enjoyed these Tweets, you’ll also like these:

My Tweets About Self-Help
My Tweets About Romance
My Tweets About Philosophy 
My Tweets About Religion
My Tweets About Politics
My Tweets About Economics
My Tweets About Pop Culture

Tweets by The Wise Sloth #13: Knowledge and Wisdom

Cartoon image of a sloth sitting on a mountain top. He is wearing a yellow robe. His head is bowed with his eyes shut, and beams of light shine from around his head. With his left arm, he is holding one finger in the air. Above him are the words, "Tweets by The Wise Sloth."

If you’re not reading or listening to new knowledge daily, then don’t expect yourself to become much less idiotic.

The dullest pencil has a better memory than the sharpest mind.

Knowledge is memorizing a road map of Europe. Wisdom is being able to find the easiest route to Amsterdam.

The less you aspire to learn, the less you will become.

Every individual human’s quality of life is directly tied to the total number of humans who are in a lifelong quest for truth and knowledge.

A day you don’t teach yourself knowledge that helps you achieve your ultimate goal, is a day wasted.

Don’t die without having told as many people as possible the most important knowledge you learned in your life.

The more time you spend learning about pop trivia, the less time you have to learn about the world’s real problems, and thus, the less useful you are.

Knowledge is knowing the right answers. Wisdom is asking the right questions.

Knowledge is just retaining rote facts. Wisdom is finding/deducing rote facts that help you accomplish the most important goal in life.

A man is knowledgeable if he can recite the answers to many questions, but he is a fool if he can’t answer the most important questions.

A wise man asks himself what the most important questions are, and then tries to solve them.

The more you ask yourself what’s most important in life, the better you’ll understand that and live accordingly.

“What’s important in life?” you ask. Well, keep asking yourself that for the rest of your life, and hope your answer isn’t totally wrong.

Wisdom is too important to wait for it to fall into your lap. Not constantly seeking/collecting it is how you stay an idiot your whole life.

Don’t ask why some people have so much figured out. Ask yourself what you’ve been doing that’s more important than getting life figured out.

I’m not saying, “Don’t challenge other people’s beliefs,” but you’d improve the world more by challenging your own beliefs.

All of tomorrow’s geniuses are stubborn idiots today.

 

If you enjoyed these Tweets, you’ll also like these:

My Tweets About Self-Help
My Tweets About Romance
My Tweets About Religion
My Tweets About Politics
My Tweets About Economics
My Tweets About Pop Culture

Tweets by The Wise Sloth #14: Religion is Mythology

Cartoon image of a sloth sitting on a mountain top. He is wearing a yellow robe. His head is bowed with his eyes shut, and beams of light shine from around his head. With his left arm, he is holding one finger in the air. Above him are the words, "Tweets by The Wise Sloth."

Science answers “what” using evidence. Philosophy answers “why” using logic. Religion answers “what” and “why” with faith in ancient mythology.

Science is just theories, but religion is just mythology.

Science and religion fill different needs. Science fills the need for hard facts. Religion fills the need for intellectually lazy mythology.

If your religious beliefs aren’t based on reality then you deserve to be treated like you believe in mythology.

Some people say it’s inherently immoral to criticize religion… but nobody says it’s wrong to criticize mythology. #allreligionismythology

Austerity creates religions. Luxury kills them. If you’re comfy and happy, you don’t need anyone to sell you hope.

You don’t need a religious book to prove life is valuable. Humans knew that before we taught ourselves how to speak.

Let’s hope and pray people stop believing in mythologies.

The word “theology” is just “mythology” rebranded to not sound exactly like what it really is.

Unicorns are mentioned 9 times in the Bible. How many times does it need to be before it raises reasonable suspicion the Bible is mythology?

If the Easter Bunny were a unicorn, we wouldn’t celebrate Easter, because it would force us to confront the fact that we celebrate mythology

A phobia is an irrational fear that negatively affects your life. That’s insanity. Before picking a religion, vet it for irrational fears.

The Bible summarized: God used to be a blood snorting psychopath, but he killed himself and snorted his own blood. Now God is love.

Christianity summarized: Obey God. Have faith in Him or He’ll kill you. He loves you. Ask Him anything, but don’t expect a reply. Give Him all your money, then wait to die.

Jesus came to earth with infinite cosmic power… which he used to make more booze without having to run to the store or pay for it.

When Jesus said, “He who is without sin, throw the first stone…” He was criticizing the law… the infallible, divine law that HE wrote.

First God says to kill fornicators. Then God comes to Earth to save the world by impregnating a virgin. Way to make your job harder, God.

1 Timothy 6: “All who are under the yoke of slavery should consider their masters worthy of full respect.” That’s in the Bible.

Jesus supposedly came to Earth to save humanity. Odd that a savior would endorse slavery.

Ask your Christian friends to explain Leviticus 19: 20-22 to you.

When a Christian wants to tell you about the Bible, ask them to tell you all about Exodus 21

Any story of God coming to Earth in human form that involves God making booze for a party was probably written solely by humans.

If God is all-powerful and wants to forgive us, he never needed to sacrifice himself to himself before he could allow himself to forgive us.

I challenge any Christian to read Exodus and Leviticus ten times, and then say, “I see no evidence of mythology or primitive culture here.”

Someone should print a Bible with all the fucked up parts in red. Then you can give it to Christians and say, “Sell me on anything in red.”

Believing in things there is no evidence for doesn’t make you oopen-minded It makes you gullible.

The Bible hasn’t lasted for centuries because it passes the test for truth. It lasted so long because it forbids you from questioning it.

Most major professional organizations have a code of ethics based on safety & respect that didn’t come from religion #EthicsWithoutReligion

Everyone can use some extra help from God, but people who think, study and work hard need it much less, if any.

Wishful thinking = having faith everything will magically turn out okay. Strength = having faith you can make everything turn out okay.

Faith takes courage until it requires ignoring evidence. Then it takes cowardice, dishonesty and delusion.

How do Atheists know which rules to follow? The same way Christians know which rules in the Bible not to follow.

It’s like anything else… You don’t pray to God to fix your computer. You call a computer tech.

God answered all your prayers by giving you a brain to solve your problems with and the hands and feet to implement the solutions.

Blind faith is more likely to lead you over a cliff than to the Promised Land.

Quickest way to make a Christian happy: Let them try to convert you. Quickest way to make a Christian angry: Try to convert them.

If you must have faith in someone, have faith in someone who questions their own ideas, not someone who threatens you for questioning them.

How do atheists know which rules to follow? The same way Christians know which rules in the Bible not to follow.

Believing in Christianity doesn’t require faith without evidence. It requires denial of overwhelming evidence.

 

If you enjoyed these Tweets, you’ll also like these:

My Tweets About Self-Help
My Tweets About Romance
My Tweets About Philosophy 
My Tweets About Religion
My Tweets About Politics
My Tweets About Economics
My Tweets About Pop Culture

Tweets by The Wise Sloth #15: Churches, Clergy and Religious Hypocrisy

 

Cartoon image of a sloth sitting on a mountain top. He is wearing a yellow robe. His head is bowed with his eyes shut, and beams of light shine from around his head. With his left arm, he is holding one finger in the air. Above him are the words, "Tweets by The Wise Sloth."

The latest Pope is doing a terrible job of pretending to have a direct connection with the creator of the universe.

Putting money in a church offering plate doesn’t grease God’s palms, just the clergy’s.

Putting money in a church offering plate doesn’t show God how much you care. It just shows men in expensive clothes how gullible you are.

Whoever told you not to ask questions and be skeptical probably also told you to give them money.

The more involved with a religious organization you are, the more useful it will be to you to study the red flags of cults and mythology.

The quickest way to piss off someone in a cult is to tell them they’re in a cult.

I think it was Jesus who said, “If you want treasure in Heaven, then go, sell all your church’s multimedia equipment and give to the poor.”

Christianity would benefit from churches paying taxes, because it would reduce con artists’ incentive to open churches and preach bullshit.

If Christians got their morals from the Bible, they wouldn’t make excuses to disregard the archaic rules in the Bible they don’t believe.

If you hate the Quran for saying it’s okay to kill non-Muslims, then you should hate the Torah for saying it’s okay to kill non-Jews.

It’s ironic when Muslims say Islam is a religion of peace, since Muslim extremists have killed more Muslims than non-Muslims by magnitudes.

The Bible doesn’t say, “If you want to be perfect, oppress gays.” It says, “If you want to be perfect, give away everything you own.”

If you’re a Christian, and haven’t given everything to the poor, I assume you either don’t know what the Bible says or you lack conviction.

If you haven’t sold everything you own and given it all to the poor, don’t tell me you’re a Christian.

The more expensive of a car you drive to church the more you’re defeating the purpose.

The Bible is against homosexuality and adultery, but you will never ever hear a Christian rail against adulterers marrying. Ever.

Christmas is about pretending it’s about love or religion while you’re really just being a gullible consumer whore who is in denial.

When Christians say they don’t know or believe the Bible unambiguously approves of slavery, I assume they’re totally Biblically illiterate.

The Bible says divorce is evil because women are property. If you don’t believe in slavery, there’s no Biblical reason not to get divorced.

An honest history book would call The Spanish Inquisition, “The Christian Inquisition” and The Crusades, “The Christian Wars.”

The more you believe God ordained that your culture should be practiced on the land you were born on, the more gullible and dangerous you are.

I love how freedom of religion prevents oppression but hate how much it’s used to justify oppressing those who want to be free from religion.

When someone says, “I’ll pray for you.” What they’re really saying is, “I’ll do nothing for you while being self-righteous about it.”

The more you devote your life to policing other people’s sex lives, the less you devote your life to policing deadly human rights abuses.

If you believe in superstition, it shows you don’t think. Also, the belief that cuss words are evil is superstitious.

If any religion has instructions on killing, it’d be foolish to say, “As long as nobody gets hurt, who cares what religion people believe?”

Religious people are like alcoholics. They can be functioning but not fully functioning.

Moderate Americans and Muslims should strategize to redouble their efforts to educate their extreme members instead of passively enabling them.

God doesn’t give you strength. You give yourself permission to be strong (but deny yourself credit) by convincing yourself God did it.

You need to forgive yourself, not convince yourself that God has.

 

If you enjoyed these Tweets, you’ll also like these:

My Tweets About Self-Help
My Tweets About Romance
My Tweets About Philosophy 
My Tweets About Religion
My Tweets About Politics
My Tweets About Economics
My Tweets About Pop Culture

Tweets by The Wise Sloth #16: What if God Exists

Cartoon image of a sloth sitting on a mountain top. He is wearing a yellow robe. His head is bowed with his eyes shut, and beams of light shine from around his head. With his left arm, he is holding one finger in the air. Above him are the words, "Tweets by The Wise Sloth."

If a God gave us free will, it probably wasn’t with the expectation that we use it to sit around begging God to do everything for us.

Would an all-loving God create an eternal paradise for dead bunnies to perpetually eat, poop & hump? Or would there be no reason to bother?

What if life is just God’s television?

I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that life is just a reality TV show that God and angels have been binge-watching on celestial televisions.

God isn’t cruel. The universe just doesn’t revolve around you or us.

I sometimes wonder: If God exists, did God create everything just to see some good artwork, hear some good music, have some great sex, etc.?

If you believe in God and want to thank Him/Her/It for helping you in your time of need, then help someone else. Words are just lip service.

If God is everything, then God is experiencing what we are. Think about that next time you’re mean to someone.

If there is no afterlife then we were created to be a spectacle or because mortality is more precious than we understand.

We’re going to feel real sheepish if it turns out life was never anything more than just a birthday present from God.

 

If you enjoyed these Tweets, you’ll also like these:

My Tweets About Self-Help
My Tweets About Romance
My Tweets About Philosophy 
My Tweets About Religion
My Tweets About Politics
My Tweets About Economics
My Tweets About Pop Culture

Tweets by The Wise Sloth #17: The 2016 U.S. Presidential Election

Cartoon image of a sloth sitting on a mountain top. He is wearing a yellow robe. His head is bowed with his eyes shut, and beams of light shine from around his head. With his left arm, he is holding one finger in the air. Above him are the words, "Tweets by The Wise Sloth."

THE PRESIDENTIAL PRIMARIES

Democracy is broken in America when the people have to pick between two presidential candidates nobody would have picked to be candidates.

It’s not an election if there are only two choices, both bad, but one so bad it would be insane to vote for them. That’s a bait and switch.

RNC & DNC’s job is to pick the best presidential candidates, and they pick the 2 most egotistical, unethical, divisive celebs. #youhadonejob

The government picked the two most polar opposite yet equally vile people for Americans to pick between for president, like they want riots.

How about the people pick presidential primary candidates, instead of the RNC & DNC, because they fucking suck at it.

It seems convenient that an unpalatable presidential nominee, who is depending on the female vote, is running against a cartoon misogynist.

I’d vote for a politician whose goal while in office is to make presidential nominees great again.

Imagine you were given the freedom to vote between a gorilla and the mean cheerleader for senior class president #2016election #notarealvote

Neither Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton can make America great again. Only the American people can do that.

In 2016 Americans are voting for which apocalypse they want. Your vote is a gun in your mouth. Protest by not voting. Don’t pull the trigger.

Donald Trump buys politicians, and Hillary Clinton sells her political power. Together they represent what’s wrong with campaign financing.

Any organization that selects Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump as its two favorite people has it priorities hopelessly screwed up.

Voting in America’s 2016 presidential election is tantamount to voting on whether America should go to war with Iran or Mexico.

The 2016 American presidential election isn’t a choice between the lesser of two evils. It’s a choice between two different flavors of evil.

It would have been a big moment in women’s history if Hillary Clinton became the first woman to steal an American presidential election.

THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL

You can’t become the leader of a democracy by buying, stacking or rigging an election, because then it’s not a democracy.

Life according to Conservatives: Blindly defending Democrats = sheep. Blindly defending Republicans = patriot. Not defending either = slacker.

With great power comes great accountability… unless you’re running for president of the United States. That comes with great immunity.

“Top Secret” means zero tolerance for fuck ups. If you’re not fit to handle TS info properly, you’re not fit to be the commander in chief.

Breaking rules a soldier would get an Article 15, demotion and loss of security clearance for disqualifies you from being commander in chief.

The more your political candidate blames the nation’s problems on a minority group, the more you should compare them to historical tyrants.

The more your leaders say you should be obedient to their ideology, the more you should question them.

News agencies still acting like the presidential election is legitimate and free, and aren’t demanding new candidates, are part of the problem.

TRUMP’S VICTORY

It’s worth noting that, while Trump got sworn in as president, thousands of Americans were reading my blog about how to go down on a girl.

We voted for the lesser of two evils, and got an evil swamp monster. OMG! How could this have happened?

To the extent I’m disappointed in America voting for Trump, I’m proud of them for not voting for Clinton.

I’ve been saying for a year Hillary would win because of corruption. Turns out the system is less corrupt and more stupid than I thought.

I suspected Donald Trump was nominated to scare people into voting for Hillary Clinton, but what if it was the other way around?

If Putin helped Trump win the election, it was probably more to help America fail than to help Trump succeed.

I told friends jokingly I would prefer a Trump presidency over Clinton because he’ll bring a quicker apocalypse. The joke isn’t as funny now America elected a joke for president. Now the joke is on the American people.

Nobody who is laughing on Trump’s inauguration day will be laughing 4 years from now, probably not even Trump.

Hillary Clinton telling all Americans to just go with Donald Trump’s flow proves she couldn’t care less about the American people.

Trumps promises in his acceptance speech would have been more reassuring if he didn’t speak like a confused, semi-literate child.

The smile on Hillary Clinton’s face during her concession speech to Trump demonstrates her mastery of the art of lying in public with a straight face.

If you still trust American news stations after the 2016 POTUS election, your standards of journalistic ethics are catastrophically low.

Few politicians still support Trump. Less support fixing how/why the candidate selection process is designed to nominate deplorable people.

OBAMA’S EXIT

Some people really liked Joe Biden. Other people really like having the most qualified citizens in the highest offices of government.

In retrospect, Joe Biden was a metaphor for Barack Obama.

Obama acting nonchalant about the first black president handing over power to a mentally unstable bigot, demonstrates his mastery of lying.

Obama was probably happy Trump won. Nothing would make Obama’s presidency look better than being next to Trump’s in the history books.

 

If you enjoyed these Tweets, you’ll also like these:

My Tweets About Self-Help
My Tweets About Romance
My Tweets About Philosophy 
My Tweets About Religion
My Tweets About Politics
My Tweets About Economics
My Tweets About Pop Culture

 


Tweets by The Wise Sloth #18: Donald Trump’s Presidency

Cartoon image of a sloth sitting on a mountain top. He is wearing a yellow robe. His head is bowed with his eyes shut, and beams of light shine from around his head. With his left arm, he is holding one finger in the air. Above him are the words, "Tweets by The Wise Sloth."

Building a $25 billion garden would solve more problems than building a $25 billion wall between America and Mexico.

Trump had the same effect on Americans talking about politics that J.K. Rowling had on kids reading books.

Why don’t liberals like Trump? They’re either biased or they see the same objective reasons the rest of the entire world does.

I’m starting to suspect Trump has been on a cocaine bender since he got elected and hasn’t slept the whole time he’s been in office.

This is an actual book you can buy on Amazon: “President Domald Loch Ness Tromp Pounds America’s Butt”

If you’re going to boycott companies associated with Trump, boycott the RNC and DNC. Don’t keep paying the people who got us here.

Trump isn’t the problem. He’s a symptom of capitalism. Even if liberal Democrats could “beat” him, predatory business culture will send us more like him.

Trump’s plan to make America great again may as well have been to start a civil war, because it looks like that’s what he’ll do.

Give Trump a chance, they said. Every chance he’s had, he proved his worst critics right. How many more chances does he get?

America would be a very different place if Trump’s supporters were as critical of him as they were of Obama.

If you argue that anyone who is anti-Trump is anti-America, anyone who is anti-Obama is anti-America.

Trump bombed Syria for using WMDs. Then he uses a MOAB in Afghanistan, which has never been used because it fits the criteria of a WMD.

Trump could improve his approval rating quicker and easier by solving a few simple real problems than by grandstanding and side-showing.

CNN being an embarrassment of a news outlet doesn’t change the fact that Donald Trump is an embarrassment of a president.

How much longer can we pretend Donald Trump is a real president? And by “we,” I mean, “Donald Trump.”

If you find yourself reluctantly admitting you were wrong about Trump being great, consider you were wrong about G. W. Bush being great also.

I want to leave snarky replies to Trump’s tweets, but I assume my name will automatically be put on Trump’s terrorist watch list #trumptweets

Trump would rather everyone be talking about him being a Nazi, than about the war the rich are waging on the poor.

Kin Jong Un and Donald Trump rattling sabers, was less of a dick waving competition and more of a handshake.

Trump’s campaign slogan should have been, “The disaster America needs.”

You know you’re failing as president when hurricanes bring people together more than you. #Trump #HurrcaneIrma #hurricaneharvey

When the politician you’ve been dogmatically defending has the lowest approval rating in history, it’s time to consider you might be wrong.

Watching/waiting for politicians to do something right is slower and more exhausting than watching software installation progress bars. Sad.

 

If you enjoyed these Tweets, you’ll also like these:

My Tweets About Self-Help
My Tweets About Romance
My Tweets About Philosophy 
My Tweets About Religion
My Tweets About Politics
My Tweets About Economics
My Tweets About Pop Culture

Tweets by The Wise Sloth #12: Dating, Cheating, Exes, Masturbation, Oral Sex and Lust

Cartoon image of a sloth sitting on a mountain top. He is wearing a yellow robe. His head is bowed with his eyes shut, and beams of light shine from around his head. With his left arm, he is holding one finger in the air. Above him are the words, "Tweets by The Wise Sloth."

Ignorance of sex is more dangerous than sex.

Women obsess over men pleasing them emotionally, and men obsess over pleasing women physically. #oops

Members of the opposite sex who don’t want to be with you rarely go out of their way to spend time with you.

Some people are confident in social situations because they practice success. Other people are confident because they just don’t give a fuck.

Women are more likely to talk about how men should love them despite their weight than they are to talk about how much they love fat guys.

Promiscuous men are called studs while promiscuous women are called sluts because women shame their competition while men give credit where credit is due.

The more paranoid your lover is of you cheating on them, the more likely they’re already cheating on you.

Either all your exes are jerks or nobody wants to stay with a spoiled brat who throws hate-tantrums every time you don’t get what you want.

The more you shit-test your lover, bitch at them and tear them down, the more threatened you should feel by sex robots.

When men don’t get pussy, they turn into werewolves. When women don’t get dick, they turn into banshees.

99% of men masturbate. That’s 99% of the men you’ve shaken hands with.

My blog, “How to go down on a girl” gets about 5,000 hits per month. “How to go down on a guy” gets about 900. I find this interesting.

Masturbating is like cooking. You can prepare a fine meal or grab a burger to go. Call me crazy, but I prefer Thanksgiving over fast food.

You cross a line and do something to your soul when you wear sweatpants to a strip club.

 

If you enjoyed these Tweets, you’ll also like these:

My Tweets About Self-Help
My Tweets About Romance
My Tweets About Philosophy 
My Tweets About Religion
My Tweets About Politics
My Tweets About Economics
My Tweets About Pop Culture

%d bloggers like this: