Tag Archives: how to please a man

Advice To Female Virgins About Having Sex

1: Men want sex all the time. This doesn’t make them evil.

Men’s sex drive is generally much stronger than women’s. Men (particularly teens) crave it so badly it hurts. Unfortunately, this means that nature has inflicted a conundrum on you as a woman because denying your boyfriend any sexual relief will likely cause him a great deal of anxiety, and if he has to wait too long to get relief from you he may go looking for it elsewhere. I’m not saying he’s right or you’re wrong. I’m not saying you have to “give it up” to prove that you care about him or that he’s justified in cheating on you if you withhold sex from him. You don’t owe your boyfriend sex. You owe it to yourself to be true to yourself. So don’t have sex until you’re ready. Take care of yourself, and don’t let yourself be pressured into doing anything you’re not ready for.

Just be aware of your boyfriend’s condition so you can understand where he’s coming from. He’s not a creep for wanting to have sex; he’s a human being. Instead of complaining about his urges and silently stone-walling him, communicate openly about your sexual expectations, and encourage him to do the same. If you’re not ready for sex then you may consider just staying single. You may also consider giving him handjobs and blowjobs. There’s no one-size-fits-all solution here. The important thing is for both of you figure out what’s right for you and communicate proactively about it.

If you are at a point in your life and your relationship where you’re ready to have sex, there are a few things you should know about men. Firstly, men weren’t born with a handbook to understanding women. It takes years for men to achieve even a basic understanding of the female mind and body. Don’t expect men to be able to read your mind, and don’t hold it against them if they do something wrong. Don’t be demanding or judgmental. In order to make your first sexual experiences as enjoyable and effective as possible for both of you, you need to do what you can to make each other feel safe and comfortable. If your man doesn’t know how to please you, then instead of resenting him for it, you need to take responsibility for getting what you want/need by training your man how to please you. You don’t have to wait until after you’ve had sex to do this.



2: Men aren’t born sexperts. Have realistic expectations, be patient, and don’t judge.

Young men may not understand that most women can’t achieve orgasm without clitoral stimulation. They may not even know what the clitoris is or where it is. They may not understand what your G-spot is, where it is or how to stimulate it. They may also not understand how important the emotional and contextual aspects of sex are for you. Young men tend to go into their first sexual encounters assuming that women view sex exactly the same as men. Since men are practical, goal-oriented thinkers they tend to view sex as a physical act that revolves around physically stimulating each other until you both achieve orgasm and then the act is over. That’s not to say that men are emotionless machines, but they do have a tendency to not understand that for women, sex is as much (if not more) about the two people involved connecting emotionally and making the most out of the overall experience than simply stimulating each other’s genitals as proficiently as possible until you both orgasm.

Men won’t know these things until they figure it out through trial and error or until someone tells them. So, again, communicate openly with your man about your wants and needs. Also, encourage them to do their own research on the internet other than watching porn videos. If nothing else, share the link to this essay with them.

Also, understand that men feel extreme pressure to succeed at all aspects of life. So there’s a good chance they’ll be obsessing the whole time over everything they’re doing in a desperate attempt to prove their manhood. They do this partly out of a selfish desire to prove their worth to their self, but they judge their success by how much they please you, and they do selflessly want to please you.

In fact, they may be so nervous about pleasing you that their anxiety will cause them to not be able to get an erection. And there’s nothing more terrifying or humiliating to a man than not being able to get an erection during sex. If that happens they’ll experience an avalanche of guilt and embarrassment that they surely won’t be able to get an erection. Then they’ll leave feeling awful, and they’ll regret it the rest of their lives.

As a girl, you know how anxiety can cripple your ability to enjoy sex. Even though some guys can’t wait to get their penis in your vagina, others are just as nervous as you. The more anxiety they feel, the less sexually capable they’ll be. Despite what television may have taught you, all men are not supermen, and most men who come across as supermen are not actually supermen. They’re just really good liars. So don’t expect your man to be a superman. Expect them to be just as human as you. If you want to have the best sexual experience with them then make them feel as comfortable, safe and desired as you want to be. Create a warm, accepting atmosphere for them where they can flourish.


3: Men want to do whatever pleases you.

This brings us to the topic of how you can physically please your man when the time comes. Luckily for you, men are easy to please sexually. One simple way to please your man is to just do whatever pleases you. As long as you’re having sex with him and being an active participant and enjoying yourself then he’s probably going to enjoy it too. Truly, the one thing that drives men the craziest during sex is seeing/hearing/smelling/tasting their lover having the time of their life. Almost the only way you can go wrong is by just lying there like a sack of potatoes. Even then, you’ll find that guys often like to take control and all you can do is just hold on for dear life while they ravage you (in a good way). Even when he takes control, you can still participate by moaning and shouting, which you may enjoy doing anyway.


4: Try new things on a regular basis.

When you finally find yourself in a long-term sexual relationship you’re going to need to try different things to keep your sex life interesting. That means having sex in different positions and in different places. You can try role playing, talking dirty, incorporating toys, blindfolds, handcuffs. The list goes on forever. You don’t have to do everything, and you don’t have to do anything you’re uncomfortable with. However, if you’re never open to expanding your horizons you will probably bore your man, and you’ll be missing out on adventures yourself. Getting kinky doesn’t make you a disgusting slut. It makes you well-rounded.


5: Blowjobs are your best friend.

Blowjobs are your silver bullet. If you can give a great blowjob and you volunteer to give them to your man on a regular basis he will bend over backward for you. If you complain about giving blowjobs, rarely give them to him, and barely put forth an effort when you do, I can guarantee he will complain to his friends about how inattentive you are to his wants/needs. Is that fair? Maybe not, but that’s life. And if you expect him to perform great oral sex on you then you should reciprocate.

If you’re simply refuse to stick your partner’s penis in your mouth for whatever reason, don’t act all disgusted, disappointed, and resentful when your man tries to initiate a blowjob. In doing so, you’re telling him that his dick is a revolting, unlovable piece of trash. Men’s dicks are very important to them. They love them. They name them. They base a portion of their self-worth on them. If you’re going to insult your lover’s manhood, you may as well literally kick them in his disgusting balls, because that’s what you’re doing to him emotionally.



6: Don’t fake orgasms.

Don’t fake orgasms. If a man isn’t bringing you to orgasm then tell him how to improve his technique. Faking orgasms just teaches him that whatever he’s doing wrong is what you like best. There may come a day when you’re having sex and you’re not really into and you just want it to end and you decide to fake an orgasm to get him to hurry up and finish. If you’re going to tell a white lie, tell him that you’re sore and that you’ll finish him off with a hand job or blowjob.


7: Pornography is not your enemy.

A lot of women feel threatened by their man masturbating to pornography or masturbating at all. This is understandable but ultimately unfounded. Like I said earlier, men have voracious sexual appetites, so much so that you may not want to have sex every single time they do. So they’re going to masturbate. 99% of men do masturbate, and it’s not because they don’t want you or they want someone else. They just want to masturbate. If it brings them any amount of happiness then you should want that for them.


8: Pee after sex.

If you don’t use the bathroom within a few minutes after sex you highly increase your odds of getting a urinary tract infection, especially if you have sex in one of the deeper penetrating positions such as the folded lawn chair.


If you enjoyed this post, you’ll also like these:


Sex positions and techniques
General Sex Advice
Dating Advice
Relationship Advice
Philosophy of Sexuality
My Tweets About Romance


How To Go Down On A Guy

(Safe for work) photo of a girl giving a man a blowjob


Note: Every guy is a little different, and they have their own likes/dislikes. If you want to know how to please your man, ask him. If he doesn’t know what he likes or you don’t want to ask, this guide is a good starting point.

Step 1: The Build Up

You don’t have to wine and dine a guy to get him in the mood to enjoy a blowjob. Men’s lust might turn on and off like a light switch, but human sex organs aren’t light switches. They need to be stimulated and aroused. The longer and harder you stimulate them the more powerful of an orgasm they’ll produce. You can begin stimulating the sex hormones in your man’s body long before you put his cock in your mouth. Here are a few ways to do that:

1: Sext him throughout the day and tell him erotic things.

2: Send him sexy pictures of you.

3: Be naked or wear sexy lingerie around him.

4: Do a sexy dance for him and give him a lap dance.

5: Practice edging on him over the course of a few hours.

6: Caress his cock throughout the day.

7: Straddle him naked and massage his cock with your vagina.


Step 2: The Approach

There are a lot of positions you can go down on a guy in, and they all have their time and their place. The simplest, most reliable position is to have him lie on his back or sit in a chair and you position yourself on your stomach or knees between his legs. However, know that this position will get monotonous for both of you if that’s the only position you ever give him a blowjob from.

There’s no single right way to instigate a blowjob. You can undress your man and kiss your way down to his groin or just unzip his pants and take his cock out. Don’t over-think your approach. You don’t have to kiss and caress every inch of his body or put a ton of work into erotically maneuvering your way between his legs. Chances are your man isn’t over-thinking what you’re doing. He’s probably just thinking, “Yes! I’m going to get a blowjob!”


Step 3: The Meet and Greet

When you first put your mouth on his cock, don’t go straight into a mechanical rocking motion. Spend 1-3 minutes caressing the entire length of his cock sensually with your hands, lips, and tongue. It’s not important exactly what you do, as long as what you’re doing is fluid and sensual. You’re just making him feel comfortable and tantalizing him, prepping him for what’s to come. The point is to use this time to express your passion subjectively through your dancing touch for at least 1-3 minutes.

One thing you should strongly consider doing during this time is fondling his balls with your hands and/or tongue. It’s an easy, simple, efficient and effective way to directly stimulate a man’s sex organs, and if you want your man to cum, you need to stimulate his sex organs, because that’s how men cum… by having their sex organs stimulated.


Meme of Sterling Archer saying, "Do you want your man to orgasm? Because that's how you make him orgasm"


Ladies, think of your man’s balls as sort of like your labia. If a guy goes down on you without caressing and licking your labia at all, you can still have an orgasm if he works your clit the right way, but it would have been a more fulfilling experience if he would have given your labia a little attention somewhere in there. Guys’ balls are the same way.


Step 4: Getting Down to Business

The meet and greet stage is warm and cozy, and it serves a legitimate purpose in building a man up to orgasm, but it will probably take a long, long time to bring your man to orgasm by only using random licks and puckers. The same is true when giving cunnilingus to a girl. There quickly comes a point where you need to get down to the mechanical business of directly stimulating the most sensitive part/s of your partner’s sex organs with repetitive motions in order to rock them to orgasm.

The most sensitive part of a man’s penis is the head. Of that, the most sensitive part is the base/rim of the head closest to the shaft. To stimulate it, curl your lips into your mouth so they cover your teeth and put your mouth over the head of the penis. Press your mouth down over the penis and move your head up and down over the base of the head. Covering your teeth with your lips will give you a soft surface to massage his penis with. Not covering your teeth will cut, stab and hurt him. The more soft tissue in your mouth that touches the penis, the better it will feel for the man. So push your tongue up against his cock as well. Don’t over-think this. The goal is just to have as much of your soft tissue touching as much of his soft tissue as possible. Then go forward and backward like you’re giving a hand job with your face. You can get a little zany for the first 1-5 minutes of a blowjob, but 1/3 of the way through the blowjob you’re going to need to settle on one motion and rhythm and stick with it. More about that later.

If you don’t know how much pressure to squeeze with your hand or mouth, ask him. It won’t ruin the mood. It will show that you’re attentive and resourceful. The true test of how good your blowjob is, isn’t how confidently you impressed your man with your pre-existing skills.  The test is how good of an orgasm you gave him.

The most sensitive part of the penis is the base of the head, but the shaft is still sexually sensitive and should not be neglected. You can stimulate the shaft one of two ways. The first way is to take your man’s cock all the way into your mouth until your lips are pressing against the pubic hair around the base of his shaft. This will feel good, but it takes pressure away from the base of the head. So this is a good thing to do a little of during this stage of the blowjob, but you wouldn’t necessarily want to do this for the entirety of the blowjob. It won’t stimulate his head enough, which will make him take longer to orgasm, which means you’ll have to do more work.

The other way to stimulate the shaft is by using one or both of your hands. You can even use one of your hands to fondle your man’s balls while using the other to jerk off his shaft while using your mouth to stimulate the head of his penis. You can also use one or both hands to jerk off the shaft from the top of the head to the base of the shaft, and during the down-strokes (when your hands aren’t touching his head) you can use your mouth to stimulate the head. This method will stimulate him from top to bottom simultaneously. If you never do this then you’re working harder than you have to. Your hands are doing most of the work, and your mouth is getting most of the credit. Just be sure to really lubricate his shaft well with spit or lube before jerking him off.

Whichever combination of these methods you use, do them fluidly and repetitively for a while. It may help to play sexy music with a steady, medium-paced beat to time your strokes to. Don’t keep switching things up. At this stage in the blowjob, repetition will get you farther than creativity. Your man needs to get used to what you’re doing and have time to enjoy it. Every time you change gears, he changes gears and has to spend more time getting used to what you’re doing.

To recap: Start off slow and gradually build up speed (the same is true for a guy going down on a girl). Get a little frisky in the beginning, but settle into a steady, medium pace and keep doing that until you reach Stage 3.


Step 5: The Crescendo

There’s no exact time frame for how long the second stage of oral sex should last. You have to read your man’s body language to determine when he’s getting close to cumming. His dick may get larger and harder. You may taste more and more precum. He might breathe, writhe and moan harder. He may start pumping his cock into your mouth. If he does that, he’ll finish quicker if you let him, because he’s doing what feels good to him (and his pleasure is what brings him to orgasm). In that sense, he’s doing you a favor by taking over some of the muscular workload and responsibility for using proper technique.

When you get the sense that he’s at least three-quarters of the way to an orgasm, it’s time to take things to the next level. At this point, your goal is to push him over the finish line. Now is the time to really focus on stimulating the head of his cock (particularly the base/rim). You can do this by bearing down on his head with your mouth and/or shortening the strokes with your hand to exclude the bottom portion of the shaft of the penis so that most of the attention is on the head.

Your movements (with your head and/or your hands) should get a little faster at this point, but beware that jerking him off and blowing him as fast as possible will probably just confuse the nerves in his body and possibly numb the skin you’re trying to stimulate (just like how you don’t really feel anything when a guy licks your clit too fast).

This is not the time to get creative. If you’re doing something that has pushed your man to stage 3, don’t start doing something different. What you’re doing is working. You just need to speed up what you’re doing a little bit and apply a little more pressure. Do that, and you’ll probably bring him to orgasm pretty quickly.


Step 6: The Orgasm

The prospects of having a man shoot a load of sperm into your mouth are understandably concerning. How do you know when it will happen? Will it go down your throat? If you can catch it in your mouth, do you swallow it? Does taking it in your mouth make you a slut? Does swallowing it make you an even bigger slut? Will it taste horrible? If you don’t take it in your mouth then where do you aim it, and what do you do with it?

The best way to know for sure when a guy is about to cum is to ask him (before you go down on him) to tell you when he’s about to cum. If he has a problem with that then he’s probably a jerk and you shouldn’t be going down on him. If he doesn’t expressly say he’s about to cum he may instinctively make a loud groan or yell. His cock may swell and stiffen, and/or his fast-paced breathing may reach a crescendo.

When he does cum he may shoot several loads. The first load may be small, followed by a large one and then a few after shots. The first load may be the biggest, followed by several smaller ones. There may just be one medium or small sized load. The more edging you’ve done, the more he’s turned on, the longer he’s gone without sex, and the better his diet is, the more likely he is to shoot bigger loads.

There’s nothing morally wrong with taking cum in your mouth or swallowing it. Quite the opposite, one could argue that a load of cum is an expression of passion, a gift from one lover to another. Savoring a load of your lover’s cum in your mouth is tantamount to savoring a box of chocolates given to you by your lover on Valentine’s Day. And let’s be honest. You wouldn’t have any moral reservations about your man getting your juices in his mouth when he goes down on you. Well, his juices are as equally wonderful and respectable as yours.

There’s nothing shameful about having cum in your mouth. However, if you simply aren’t ready to accept a throat full of cum for whatever reason, you can always spit it into a napkin or catch as much of it as you can with your hand and discard it hygienically. If you just let the guy blow his load all over his stomach he probably won’t care. He’ll probably just be happy he had a great release. Though, one of you will need to clean it up.

Regardless of what happens to his cum, some guys are bashful about kissing a girl after they’ve had their mouth on his cock. These men are immature and need to accept the glorious sloppiness of sex. There’s nothing morally impure about kissing someone after they’ve gone down on you. It’s no more “icky” than any other of fluid swapping that happens during sex. It’s just part of sex, and any guy who disagrees needs to get the stick out of their ass. Having said that, if a guy doesn’t want to kiss you until you brush your teeth after going down on him then you should respect his wishes and consider going down on someone else next time.

When you’re planning what to do with a penis in your mouth that is about to burst with cum, take into consideration that a moment or two after he cums, the head of his penis will be so sensitive that it will be painful to touch for maybe 5-15 seconds. So when he cums, don’t keep stroking him expecting him to just keep cumming. The head of his penis won’t keep cumming. It will just start burning. You can tenderly stroke the shaft of the penis though. That’s fine and dandy.


Other Pointers:

Most heterosexual men are hesitant to have a woman play with his anus. However, any man who is confident and adventurous to experiment with anal play will be rewarded with mind-blowing orgasms because the male equivalent of the female G-spot is inside his anus. To reach the male G-spot, simply insert your finger or sex toy into his anus and press upwards so that you’re pressing up against the base of the internal sex organs. Then rub in and out or in fluid circles. That will stimulate his sex organs from the inside out, and that’s a reliable way to give a man an overwhelming orgasm. This has nothing to do with sexual orientation. That’s just objective science. Ejaculations are produced by stimulating sex organs. So stimulating sex organs from the inside out and the outside in produce full-bodied orgasms. That’s how orgasms work.


"Yeah, Science Bitch!"


You can stimulate the male G-spot before and/or during the actual blowjob. It’s a good way to warm him up, and it feels even better when it’s being done while he ejaculates. Either way, talk to him about it before you do it as he may not want you to. If you do it, use lots and lots and lots of lube. Start very slowly, and unless you’re both anal pros, don’t finger bang him, because you might damage tissue that is very painful and slow to heal.

You may not like the idea of going down on a man at all, much less licking his balls or fingering his anus because you think it’s either gross, demeaning or spiritually immoral. If you feel that way I’d like to share some reasons why I believe you should reconsider your perception of sexual taboos.

Sticking your lover’s cock in your mouth, licking his balls, and fingering his ass isn’t icky, demeaning activities. They’re profoundly intimate activities. Making love is about experiencing your partner as intimately as possible, and that’s what these activities do. That’s what they are. They’re physically, emotionally, and spiritually intimate connections between you and your lover. There’s nothing spiritually unclean about expressing your affection for another person by engaging in intimacy. So there’s no reason you should withhold these cosmically beautiful experiences from yourself or your lover.

If you’re not impressed by these philosophical justifications, then consider this down to earth observation. When done correctly, the activities I’m talking about are extremely, extremely, extremely pleasurable for a man. Pleasure makes men happy. It might not make him happy forever, but we’re not going to live forever anyway. Life is lived right now. Right now is our only opportunity to be happy. If you give your man a blowjob right now, he’ll be happy right now. If you care about him, then don’t you want him to be happy? Because blowjobs make men happy.

People want to be around people who care about them and make them feel good. People don’t want to be around people who don’t care about them and make them feel bad. People want to spend the rest of their lives with the people who care about them the most and makes them feel the best. And nothing says, “I care about you,” more than putting someone’s cock in your mouth. It’s proof positive of your feelings. It’s emotionally gratifying to a man to receive a blowjob, and guys really want to be with someone who makes them feel that good.


Drawing of a Victorian gentleman kissing a well dressed woman on the hand saying, "You had me at fellatio."


It takes more than good blowjobs to woo a man. You have to make him feel good emotionally too. And what message does it send him if you don’t want to put his cock in your mouth because you think it’s icky and repulsive or daunting?  You’re telling him that his dick is a revolting, unlovable piece of trash. Men’s dicks are very important to them. They love them. They name them. They base a portion of their self-worth on them. If you’re going to insult their manhood by rejecting it you may as well just kick them in their disgusting balls, because that’s what you’re doing to them emotionally. For these reasons and more, you should want to give your man blowjobs, lick his balls, and finger his anus.


If you enjoyed this post, you’ll also like these:


Sex positions and techniques
General Sex Advice
Dating Advice
Relationship Advice
Philosophy of Sexuality
My Tweets About Romance


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