Category Archives: Relationship Advice

Why Men Should Wear Nice Underwear

Women are pressured by the media to look as beautiful as possible all the time. When they go through all the time and effort to look good, it ruins the effect a little when they take their clothes off to reveal cheap underwear underneath. Women, having received a lifetime of training in how to look good, generally understand this. So it’s not uncommon for women to spend $60 for just a bra or a single pair of panties when they could easily buy a 6-pack of panties at a discount store for $15. They spend the extra money though because it makes them feel confident and turns men on.

If it’s important for women to please their men by wearing sexy lingerie it stands to reason that women deserve the same respect from men. Actually, it’s more important. Since women are pressured by the media and religions to have an irrational fear of their sexuality, when they do have sex, they’re stepping out on a limb. They’re also letting a man experience her in the most intimate way possible, which can be a little nerve-racking. She would hope that her sexual partner appreciates the gift she’s giving him, and she would certainly hope that her man realizes that sex for a woman isn’t just the mechanical, physical exercise that men sometimes view sex as. For women, sex is as much about emotional stimulation as it is about physical stimulation. Men who understand this will take steps to give women the emotional stimulation they crave while also minimizing the anxiety they may feel about sex.

There are a lot of little steps men can take to show a woman he’s not just some random jerk. You can show her that you’re worth having sex with by taking care of your body and having a successful career. You can tell her she’s special, listen to her and spend money on her. You can totally reinvent yourself as James Bond, but if you go through all that hassle, understand that it’s going to ruin the effect if you take your clothes off to reveal you’re wearing cheap, discount underwear with holes and stains in them.

If you take your clothes off to reveal a nice, elegant pair of underwear you’re sending a message to her that you care enough about her to go the extra mile for her. It’s your last chance before sex to prove you’re worth having sex with. Granted, if you’re already down to your underwear with another person you’re probably going to have sex anyway, but going the extra mile is being a good person.

Wearing nice underwear isn’t something you should only do on special occasions. Even if nobody sees your underwear, you know you’re wearing it. You should have confidence in yourself regardless of what clothes you wear, but it gives you a psychological boost when you know that underneath your clothes you’re always wearing lust-worthy underwear. That extra confidence boost can go a long way, and as you become used to feeling calm, cool and collected that confidence will become a part of your subconscious, and then you won’t have to put effort into being confident. You’ll just be confident, and that will help you get laid, not because you tricked a girl into having sex with a poser but because you’re somebody worth having sex with.

If you’re reading this thinking to yourself, “Man, you’re taking this underwear thing way too far. Underwear is just one little detail in a million,” then you don’t understand women. To women, all of the little things are big things, because they’re all details, which make up the whole picture. The finest picture has the most attention to detail, and the most repulsive picture has the least attention to any kind of standards. If you don’t think underwear is important, then don’t bother wearing nice clothes nice cologne. In the end, they’re just cheap masks hiding your cheap underwear underneath.

Unless you’re Tom Cruise, you don’t look good in old-school whitey tighties. Don’t buy them. Don’t buy flannel cotton boxers. They make you look like an old man. If your girlfriend can wear your boxers as shorts in public and not get weird looks, you’re not wearing sexy underwear. Bad underwear is basically anything you can buy at Wal-Mart or any big box store. As a general rule, avoid anything by Fruit of the Loom or Hanes. When you’re looking at a shelf of underwear, if you have the option to buy 6 different colors of the same pair of underwear in one bag for about $15, don’t buy that underwear. In fact, leave the store and go find a high-end department store that doesn’t even have that option. For a better selection, just go to Amazon.com

DON’T BE THIS GUY.

DON'T BE THIS GUY.

DON’T BE THIS GUY.

DON'T BE THIS GUY.

DON’T BE THIS GUY.

DON'T BE THIS GUY

DON’T BE THIS GUY

Regardless of the price, what makes good underwear is that it’s made from better material than flannel and cotton. I can’t say exactly which material to look for. The important thing is that it’s soft and smooth. Imagine sleeping in a bed with sheets made from the same material as your underwear. The more awesome it would be to the sleep in that bed, the more you should consider buying that pair of underwear.

The most important quality in a good pair of underwear is that they look sexy. Sexy is sleek. Underwear shouldn’t hide your curves. It should accentuate them. Sexy is expensive. Sexy looks like a million dollars even if it doesn’t cost a million dollars. Sexy is enticing. If you can look at a piece of underwear and not think, “Damn. That’s sexy,” then you’re probably looking at the wrong piece of underwear. When all of your underwear looks like that then you can always be sure you’re giving the woman of your life the best show all the time. Think about this. You wouldn’t expect your significant other to always wear sexy lingerie, but if she chose to do that, you’d love it. Regardless of whether or not she gives you that permanent show, you can still give her a permanent show as a way to show her that she’s important to you and also because you’re a sexy beast. And that’s what’s sexy beasts do. They’re sexy all the time.

Specifically, Calvin Klein, Jockey, Diesel, 2(X)IST and Exofficio are all great brands as long as you don’t buy any of their floppy stuff. If you’re still not sure what sexy underwear is, then go grab a couple of girls and take them to the underwear section of an upscale department store and have them point out to you what sexy is. Since ultimately the whole point of wearing nice underwear is to please the most important woman in your life, it would be best to have her show you exactly what she likes.

BE THIS GUY.

BE THIS GUY.

BE THIS GUY.

BE THIS GUY.

BE THIS GUY.

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My Theories About Cheating On Tasks And Lovers

CHEATING ON TASKS

My theory on ethics is that the meaning of life is to fulfill your potential, and anything which helps you do that is good, and anything which hinders you is bad. Furthermore, it’s equally good to help other people fulfill their potential as it is to fulfill your own, and it’s equally bad to hinder other people as it is to hinder yourself.

Completing the overall goal of fulfilling your potential requires you to complete trillions of little goals throughout your life. Often times in life you’ll be assigned these tasks by people, like when a teacher gives you an exam. If you need to know the information on that test to accomplish a more important goal in the future, then cheating doesn’t benefit you. However, if the information being tested isn’t important, and the test is just a formality then it would behoove you to pass the test by any means necessary regardless of how you’re told you’re supposed to pass it.

Sometimes rules are best practices and should be followed because they guide you to success. Sometimes rules are just obstacles individuals put in your way for their own reasons. Rules exist to serve people. People don’t exist to serve rules. So if a rule doesn’t benefit you, then it negates its authority. You have no moral obligation to follow arbitrary rules. In those cases, the best thing you can do for yourself is to think outside the box, ignore the rules and take the shortest path from Point A to Point B.

 

"Cheating is just taking the shortest path between point-A and point-B"

 

However, just because you can cheat, and just because a rule may be illogical, that doesn’t mean it’s always in your best interest to cheat because rules usually come with consequences. Anytime you take a risk, you need to do a cost/benefit risk analysis. If you stand to lose more by getting caught than you stand to gain by succeeding, then it’s illogical to take the risk. Sometimes, the quickest shortcut is years of hard work and dedication.

 

CHEATING ON LOVERS

 

Marriage/commitment isn’t commanded or ordained by God. It’s a cultural practice that gives structure to people’s lives. Marriage laws are just rules people thought up and wrote down on paper.

It’s only right to follow a rule when it represents the best instruction to follow to accomplish a goal that helps you fulfill your potential without harming anyone else. When the rules become obstacles between you and your potential, then they’re not a moral imperative. They’re bad ideas, and it would be irresponsible to follow them.

This doesn’t mean you have permission to do whatever you want as long as you justify it by saying you’re fulfilling your potential. The reason we fall in love and make commitments is because it helps us fulfill our potential. It’s a tactical decision we make subconsciously. Our brains analyze other people, size them up, and determine if their assets can help or hinder us achieve the goals that are most important to us. 99.9% of the people we meet fail Cupid’s cost/benefit analysis. Those who score the worst, we ignore, avoid, dislike and even hate. Sometimes we don’t even know why we dislike a person, and we may feel guilty about it, but the reason is because a little “angel” on our shoulder whispered in our ear to beware of them.

Falling in love is the most selfless thing you’ll ever do in the sense that you’ll have to share your destiny and all your worldly assets with another person. On another level, it’s the most selfish thing you’ll ever do, because you’re not just giving away all your stuff to a stranger as a gift. You’re investing your resources in an opportunity that your subconscious speculates will give you the highest return on investment.

This may sound like a stoic speech on love from Ayn Raynd, but the difference between my philosophy and hers is she believes selfishness is the greatest good, and other people are only valuable to the extent that they can help you. I say everyone is equally valuable. Doing things that help you is the definition of responsibility, and being completely selfless is throwing the baby out with the bath water. Virtue lies in finding a healthy balance. So if you and your lover decide you can achieve more together than on your own, then join forces. Just don’t delude yourselves; b honest about the symbiotic nature of your relationship and make the most out of it.

 

"Doing something that helps you is the definition of selfishness, but it's also the definition of responsibility."

 

If you take a lover as an ally in your quest to achieve your goals, be wary of the fact that everyone’s goals change as they grow older. The best life-partner for you as a teenager isn’t necessarily going to be the best life-partner for you as an adult. When culture and laws dictate that relationships have to last forever, and partners should endure whatever miseries it takes to stay together, people end up staying in relationships that aren’t good for anyone. We should be consciously analyzing our lovers to make sure the cost/benefit analysis of staying together continues to add up, and when it doesn’t, we should move on.

If you find yourself in a relationship that is holding you back more than it’s moving you forward, your subconscious Cupid will start whispering in your ear, telling you to leave. No matter how hard you try to consciously convince yourself you’re still in love, your subconscious already did the math and determined you shouldn’t want to be with this person. If you don’t just die inside and accept a life of unfulfilling cold comfort, your heart and hands may stray to another person.

If the new person really is better suited to you than the last, then you should give into temptation and be with them, but you should formally end your previous relationship first. Its purpose for existing is over. So staying with them isn’t helping either of you, but betraying your ex-ally just hurts them and wastes your time by making your life unnecessarily complicated. Yes, breaking up hurts too, but the benefits outweigh the cost.

If you do decide to cheat, and you feel guilty about it afterwards, then you’re hurting yourself unnecessarily, and you’re not going to be able to give your all in your existing relationship, which hurts your partner and lowers their ability to give their all, which leads to a downward spiral of dysfunction and unhappiness.

You may be able to cheat guilt-free and never get caught, and you may tell yourself as long as your partner isn’t hurt by the knowledge of your infidelity, then you can have your cake and eat it too. It may look like you’re maximizing your potential happiness, but if you stand to lose more than you have to gain by cheating, then cheating is illogical. Plus, cheating isn’t free. You have to sacrifice time, effort and honesty to pull it off. If monogamy isn’t your thing, then you should just be with someone who is polyamorous, polygamist or a swinger. Then you won’t have to pay anything for your cake. Or maybe we should all lighten up a little and give each other some leeway.

 

 

If you’re single, and someone who is already in a relationship tries to cheat on their partner with you, technically you’re not breaking any divine law by giving into temptation. However, if your actions hurt the person being cheated on, then you’ve undermined the purpose of life, which is bad and thus wrong. Even if the partner never finds out, the cheater might return to their lover stressed, guilty and distant, and if that doesn’t cause conspicuous pain, it can still degrade the quality of both people’s lives. In that case, the cheater is guilty of their part in the crime, and you’re guilty as an accomplice.

But life isn’t always so simple. If someone wants to cheat on their partner with you, then their heart doesn’t belong to their partner. They’ve already got one foot out the door, and cheating is just a formality that confirms what was already true. Their relationship could have been dead for years. Their partner could be an abusive cheater themselves, in which case, why should you honor a social contract that they don’t? If the contract they have with their partner isn’t important to them, then it’s not important. Fidelity is just a rule someone else told them they have to follow and they pay lip service to but otherwise ignore.

If you fall in love with someone who is perfect for you, and you’re perfect for them, but they’re committed to a terrible person, then by all means, take that lover for yourself. But do it in a way that causes the least harm. Sneaking around with a married person isn’t good for anyone, and neither is waiting for the situation to blow up when the jilted lover discovers the truth.

Life is complicated, and every moral decision needs to be made on a case-by-case basis. Cheating isn’t wrong because someone once wrote in a book that it is. The morality of your actions is based on the fact that life is valuable, and if you value people, then you should help them maximize their life as much as your own. Staying with your lover may not be the quickest path between Point A and Point B, but infidelity tends to be a much longer route… but there are exceptions to every rule.

P.S. Every person I’ve ever known who was a serial cheater, acted extremely possessive of the person they were cheating on. They would constantly check up on them and accuse them of wanting to cheat because they were projecting their guilt and paranoia onto their victim. If you know someone who acts like that, they’re probably cheating.

 

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The Evolution Of My Definition Of Love

"Love is just a word until you find someone to give it a definition."

 

Dictionary.com defines “love” as:

1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.

2. a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.

3. sexual passion or desire.

4. a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart.

 

That definition is nearly vague to the point of being useless. It doesn’t tell us how long it takes to fall in love, what you have to do to get there or how to be sure your feelings are more than just an infatuation. Does it only take a few weeks to fall in love? A few months?

When I was seventeen years old I didn’t know what love was, but I believed it had to be forged by stronger, more meaningful experiences than could be had in a few months. I believed this so strongly that I refused to kiss my high school sweetheart until I was sure it meant something very, very serious. I was even more reserved about telling her I loved her. I didn’t want to undermine the value of our kiss or our words by throwing them around loosely. In the end, my high school sweetheart and I broke up, and I never did tell her I loved her. For years afterward, I congratulated myself for make the right choice because, in my mind, the fact that we broke up proved our love wasn’t real.

Yet, during the time we dated she was all I thought about all day. Seeing her took my breath away every time. The sound of her voice was like an angel singing. When I was in her presence I felt like I’d been let into Heaven early and unworthy. Most of my peers would have called that love, and though I wouldn’t have agreed with them at the time, looking back on that relationship I can say that even if our feelings for each other weren’t forged by the test of time, they were still sincere. I’ve often wondered if I could articulate a reason why my feelings for her weren’t love.

I had a hard time answering that question without a usable definition of love, but my next relationship taught me a few things that helped me better define the concept. Several years after graduating high school I moved to Italy where I dated an Italian girl who introduced me a novel way of defining and measuring love.  She pointed out how, in the English language, you can tell a romantic partner that you either like them or you love them. That only gives lovers two ways to define their relationship.

In the Italian language, new couples can tell each other, “Ti voglio,” which means, “I like you.” Just as in English, this statement implies there’s a limit to how much you like the other person. If you like someone more you can tell them, “Ti voglio bene,” which means, “I like you good.” You could escalate that by saying, “Ti voglio tanto bene,” which translates, “I like you good, a lot.” If you’re crazy about someone you can tell them, “Ti voglio tantissimo,” which means, “I like you most.” The final, strongest statement of affection would be, “Ti amo,” which means, “I love you.”

 

"Keep calm and ti voglio tanto bene"

 

English speakers are free to use the same terms to describe a progression of affection, but the tiers aren’t as institutionalized in the American vernacular/dating customs as they are in Italy. I certainly didn’t see the distinction growing up in America. I wish I would have had the words to tell my high school sweetheart, “Ti voglio tantissimo” at least.

In my early twenties, I found this tiered perspective of love slightly more useful than my original “all or nothing” point of view, but it raised more questions than it answered. In order for this paradigm to be useful to me, I had to define all the stages of a relationship leading up to love in addition to defining what love itself is.

The Italian girl and I eventually broke up, and we both went on to explore new relationships. I studied mine closely to try to pick out their turning points as if I were picking out plot points in a Hollywood sitcom. I could tell there was a definite progression to real-life romances, but the lines between the stages were blurred. I stared at those blurred lines until I accepted the obvious truth: Love doesn’t evolve like a Pokemon. It doesn’t level up into a new and improved creature in a bright flash of light after racking up enough experience points. It grows gradually, but no matter how big or small it is, it still is. On one level there’s no need to label arbitrary points in its growth. Love doesn’t need labels. It can still mature between two people even if they never change their Facebook status or say the magic words. And as I learned the hard way with my high school sweetheart, spending too much time worrying about labeling the stages of your relationship’s growth can hurt it.

Having said that, you can watch the love lives of the couples in your own life and see that relationships do follow fairly predictable patterns, and understanding them will help you get through them. They’re not profound, mystical or based on tiers of obsession. The most successful couples are the ones who have the deepest friendship, not the strongest case of codependency. In a lot of ways, falling in love is simply the process of becoming best friends. So the stages of falling in love are basically the same as the stages of friendship. But long-term romantic relationships are more involved than simply getting to know someone you enjoy being around. Moving in with someone and intertwining your life with theirs effectively makes you business partners. Integrating two people’s lives isn’t easy, but the process follows a logical and predictable series of stages that Disney doesn’t teach children about.

If you’re looking for a time frame for when it’s reasonable to tell your partner that you love them, you can reference the stages of friendship or relationships. But when do you tell other people you love them platonically? Does the evolution of that kind of love follow a different route? How differently should we love others (if at all)/ Should we have a different name for other kinds of love? And does love have to be so confusing?

The Greek language has five different words for five different kinds of love. They’re more nuanced than I’m about to describe them, but for the sake of brevity, we can say that “Mania” is obsessive love. “Eros” is romantic love. “Philos” is platonic, brotherly love.  “Storgy” is the bond between providers and dependents, and “Agape” is unconditional, selfless (and potentially spiritual) love.

Every other language humans have invented contain their own nuanced definitions of love. It might seem like all these competing definitions would make the task of defining love more complicated, but actually, all the extra data helps us simplify the problem by revealing a common denominator. Regardless of how intensely you feel or show your affection towards any person or group, you’re ultimately doing the same thing for the same reason: you’re valuing them.

If I had to define love, I would say love is valuing something. Who, when, where, why, and how much are just details.

Using this definition, we can answer the question, “How do you love someone?” One way is by valuing them in your heart and assigning emotional weight to the thought of them in your mind. If your feelings exist, then there’s love in them, and that’s worth something. At the same time, anything you do that helps another person fulfill their potential is functionally equivalent to an act of love regardless of your intentions. If you tell someone you value them and then turn around and mistreat them, the love you feel may be sincere in your heart, but functionally your love will be hollow at best and destructive at worst.

We all live according to our unique understanding of the value of life. So we measure and express value slightly differently. This means everyone lives according to slightly different definitions of love. This makes it hard to know when you can believe the words, “I love you?” It also makes it hard to prove to someone else that even though you’re not meeting their criteria of love, the love coming from you is still genuine.

If you can honestly say that you value the other person enough to commit to making them the happiest and helping them fulfill their full potential unconditionally for the foreseeable future then you fully love that person. Even if you can’t commit unconditionally, every bit of commitment you can give is still love by degrees. If your commitment ever waivers or ends, that has no relevance on the value of past love; since it was genuine when it was given it stands on its own.

So when is the right time to tell someone you love them? Well, if you can commit to a person, then sure, go ahead and tell them you love them. Likewise, don’t tell someone you love them unless/until you’re willing to commit your mind, body, resources, options, and emotions to them.

 

"Love is not maximum emotion. Love is maximum commitment." Sinclair B. Ferguson

 

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Stages Of A Romantic Relationship

1. Anonymity

You don’t know your future partner exists.

 

2. Strangers

You meet your future partner, but you don’t know what their name is or who they are.

 

3. Acquaintance

You break the barrier of anonymity. You talk, and then they’re no longer a stranger. They now have a connection to your life even if it’s a part as small as “friend of a friend.”

 

4. Interest

Eventually, you take an interest in one another. In this stage, you act like cats sniffing a treat and deciding whether or not it smells good enough to eat.

 

5. The Hunt

After passing the smell test, you make a conscious decision to pursue the other person. This is the chase. It’s exhilarating, expensive, sometimes unsuccessful, sometimes discouraging, and you have to exert a lot of energy pretending to be cooler and more collected than you really are to compete against other people who have more experience pretending to be cooler and more collected than you.

 

6. The Salad Days

Following the catch at the end of the hunt, you gorge yourself on each other for as long as your stamina holds out. During the salad days, children hold hands on the playground, teens make out in public, and adults try to have sex in every room of their house.

 

7. The Trial Commitment

People tend to assume that once they’ve reached the salad days they’ve found true love. Contrary to what Disney or the pop music industry would have you believe, this is not the time to propose for marriage. Though at some point in the salad days you’re going to have to consider where your relationship is going. If the salad days don’t end as just a successful fling then the next step is a trial commitment.

You may have already considered yourself a couple, but this move ups the ante. You may transition from “going out” to “going steady” or from “dating” to “being engaged.” You’ll spend this phase looking at your partner more seriously, and you’ll probably pretend to act like what you think a serious adult who is in a committed relationship acts like.

 

8. The Breeze Days

If things go well and your lifestyle and personality are compatible with your partner’s then you will find yourself working together like a finely tuned machine. You’ll act like twins who are so in tune with each other that you can complete complex tasks together with minimal verbal communication. Like twins, you’ll also develop a secret language of your own based on shared references and inside jokes. Life will operate so smoothly that time can fly by without you noticing it.

 

9. Deep Appreciation and Familiarity

One day you’ll roll over and see your partner lying next to you in bed and you’ll realize they know you better than anyone else, and you know them as well as yourself. You’ll have come to depend on this person like your right hand, and losing them would leave you more lost and helpless than losing your job. If there is a thing called love then this stage is it, but it can’t last forever. And the fact that you may have had it once with someone doesn’t mean you always have to have it with them or that either of you owes the other anything for having had it.

 

10. The “Washing Machine You Take For Granted” Days

It’s a wonderful thing if you can work with another person like a well-oiled machine, but when a machine works perfectly for long enough we tend to take it for granted. Even though you work well with the other person your heart’s somehow not in it anymore. You’re walking through your relationship and life on autopilot.

 

11. Full-on Boredom

One day you roll over and see your partner lying next to you in bed and you realize you’re tired of looking at them just like you’re tired of having to step around that damned washing machine you’re always bumping into on the way out the door. You’ll be surprised to find yourself actually bored of sex. You’ll fake enthusiasm during sex. You might even fake orgasms. You’ll yearn for the hunt and wonder where the magic in your relationship went. You’ll blame the other person when in reality the problem is that that’s what happens when two people share a pair of golden handcuffs for long enough.

 

12. The Pretend Days

You’re fully aware that you’re bored of the other person. You always think about someone else when you masturbate, but out of respect and obligation to your partner, you don’t let them know how far your heart has drifted away from them.  So even if you don’t lie to yourself about your feelings you lie to the other person to keep the boat from rocking.

 

13. The Onset of Resentment

You can only pretend to be happy for so long before it gets old and the cracks in the walls start showing. You’ll start dropping your mask more often and compromising less.

 

14. Outright Resentment

If you don’t talk openly to your partner, reassess your relationship, get some space, pursue separate interests or break up (if need be) then your resentment for one another will cross the line into open hostility. You may not act on this hostility yet, but you’ll feel it and be fully conscious of it. You’ll carry it with you all day and won’t be able to stand to look at your partner. Everything they say will sound like fingernails on a chalkboard, and everything they do will be wrong. This phase has ended in murder and/or suicide for millions of people.

 

15. Bursting out of the Bottle

The hate-charade can’t last forever. Eventually, the crack in the dam will burst and everything will come out. If this process is managed productively it can be a euphoric release that takes the weight of the world off your shoulders. If this process is managed unproductively it can lead to broken hearts, burned bridged and closed doors.

 

16. (A) Reconciliation or (B) Break Up

At this point, your old relationship is over. You can never go back to the way things were. Your only choice is to start a new relationship with your partner or end the relationship. Below is a list of the steps of the stages your life will go in if you reconcile. After that is another list that starts back over at #17 and traces the stages your life will take if you break up.

 

The Path of Reconciliation Leads to:

17A. The Kicked Puppy Days

You may have reconciled your differences with your partner, but you’ve both just come out of a traumatic experience. One sweaty night and a few heart felt words aren’t going to fill those wounds. There will be a short time where you’ll both still feel hurt and ashamed of your past behavior.

 

18A. The Trial Recommitment

Once the dust has settled and emotions have calmed you’ll find yourself looking at your partner soberly. Both of your punishments may be over, but you’re both still on notice.

 

19A. The Recovery Days

If you’re both truly sorry for hurting each other and earnestly want to be together you’ll try to make it up to the other person. This phase of your relationship will find you going out of your way again to do nice things for each other and say nice things to each other. These will be days full of pampering and feel like stages 6 (The Salad Days) and 9 (Deep Appreciation and Familiarity) combined.

 

20A. Return to the Breezy Days

You can’t keep up that intensity forever. Life goes on. The best place you can go from here is back to the Breezy Days. Where you go from there is up to you.

 

Breaking up Leads to:

17B. The Free Fall

If you break up with your partner at any stage of your relationship you’ll end up in a free fall. The intensity of the free fall experience for you will be relative to how long you’ve been with your partner, how strong of an emotional attachment you had with them and how strong your dependency on them was.

You will feel lost in space. You’ll feel disconnected from your environment. You’ll feel like you just stepped into a new universe, and you may or may not want to be there.

 

18B. The Landing

One day all the emotions left up in the air after your break up will come back down to earth. It’s like coming to terms with the fact that your dead relative really isn’t just sleeping in a box. They’re never coming back. Your life will go on, and you will be alone. Again, this can be a good thing or a bad thing.

 

19B. The New Underwear/Phantom Limb

So you move on with your life, but you’ll be so used to sharing a life with your partner that you’ll have some trouble readjusting to life without them. Sometimes it can feel like you’re missing a limb. Sometimes it’ll feel like you’re getting to stretch your limbs after years of being tied down in a contorted position.

 

20B. The Great Wide Open

When you finally get used to living on your own again and doing things your way then the world is your oyster. Life is there for the taking. Your plans may include hunting another partner or it may not, but either way, you have a new chance to get what you want.

 

21B. Normalcy

The things you’re doing with your freedom will lose their novelty, and if you don’t keep your life interesting, then the repetitiveness of your daily life will lull you into a dream state where you just go about your business on autopilot and not really notice time passing.

 

22B. Boredom

If you do the same thing over and over long enough eventually you’ll get bored with it. Technically you’ll have everything you need to survive. You may even have a giant television and a well-worn stack of awesome video games collecting dust in the corner of your living room, but you’ll feel an inexplicable sense of boredom and lack of satisfaction in life.

 

23. Desperation

After you feel bored long enough the boredom will turn to despair. You’ll put pictures of island beaches on your desktop background and/or screensavers and fantasize regularly about escaping the grinding, suffocating darkness of your normal yet “privileged” life. You’ll masturbate more, and you’ll have dirty thoughts about almost anything with two legs that walks past you.

 

24. Forever Alone

The longer you’re alone the older you get. The older you get the farther you’re removed from the dating pool. Eventually, there comes a point where you just have to face the fact that you’ll be forever alone.

 

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The 13 Rules Of Successful Relationships

1: Be kind to one another

As a general rule, your partners will tend to treat you as well as you treat them. After all, the better you treat them the more reason they’ll have to admire you and care about you. The less often you reciprocate kindness the less lovable you’ll be and the less motivation your partner will have to be kind to you. If your relationship is having trouble the first step you should always take is to be extra kind to your partner every day. If you think belittling, harassing, snapping, or yelling at your partner will ever accomplish anything other than destroying your relationship, then you’re ignorant and should be alone.

If you’re never kind to your partner and they always go out of their way to be kind to you then over time they’ll empty out all of their passion, and when they run out they’ll turn as cold and passionless as you. Then the coldness will turn to bitterness and the person who was once your lover will become your enemy. At that point, you might be able to turn your relationship around by being nice to each other again, but you’ll probably break up and resent each other.

This is very simple. If you’re not going to be kind to one another then there’s no point being together.

 

2: Communicate intimately and regularly

Human beings grow and change as they learn more, have new experiences, change jobs, move and meet new people. As we age we change, and when we change our expectations and goals change. Two people may be perfect for one another one year and then hold each other back the next year not because either of them did anything wrong but because they grew into themselves and outgrew their current relationship. This is the nature of relationships, and the only way to manage this risk by communicating intimately and regularly.

You can’t have a healthy, functional relationship with a stranger. You can’t resolve interpersonal problems between yourself and a stranger. In order to nurture and monitor your relationship, you and your partner need to tell each other everything that’s going on in your head all the time (within reason). The point is the only way to see eye to eye is to see mind to mind.

If you can’t talk to your partner, or your partner won’t open up to you, then one of you needs to walk away because a silent relationship is like driving with your headlights off; you’re going to run into problems.You should want to open up to your lover anyway. If you don’t have the motivation to open up to your partner or they don’t have the motivation to let you in then you’re not really in love, and you should strongly consider separating because neither of you are going to get the emotional nourishment you need from your relationship.

If you’re missing something in your relationship the only way you’re ever going to get it is by telling the other person about it. You need to encourage your partner to tell you if they’re missing anything so you’ll know what you need to do to improve your relationship and give the person you love a chance at happiness.

 

 

3: Don’t accept being treated poorly; stand up for yourself, and don’t be afraid to leave.

The promises you made to your partner and the contracts you’ve signed aren’t more important than your happiness. Staying in a relationship that makes you unhappy is throwing your life away for nothing. You’re not upholding a virtuous moral ideal by staying in an unfulfilling relationship. All you’re doing is hurting yourself.

Nobody deserves to be made unhappy. You can’t screw up in any way that would justify being treated poorly. If your partner can’t treat you with the dignity, respect, and empathy you deserve then they don’t deserve you. Stand up for yourself. Communicate your expectations, and if they’re not met then the mature, wise thing to do is leave. That’s not being unfaithful. That’s not giving up. That’s self-preservation. That’s making the most out of life.

 

4: Do things you enjoy together regularly (hobbies not events), and get away from each other regularly.

In order to be happy you need to do things you enjoy. If you can do things that make you happiest with the person who makes you happiest, then you’re winning at life. You’re also building great memories of one another. So at the end of your life, you’ll look back and see the best times of your life were with that person instead of the best times of your life being when they weren’t there.

Going to movies with another person doesn’t count. If you’re just going to be sitting somewhere staring ahead you could have anyone next to you. It’s not enough for you to go somewhere with your partner. You need to do meaningful, enjoyable things that involve you working together somehow.

As important as it is to do meaningful activities together it’s equally important to get away from each other on a regular basis. No matter how wonderful another person is, if you spend 24 hours per day with them every day you’re going to get bored of each other, and you’re going to get on each other’s nerves. So if you want to stay together for the long haul you need to get away from each other on a regular basis.

 

5: Maintain an active, dynamic sex life

Humans are sexual creatures. We need to have sex, and if we don’t we suffer physically and psychologically. Every time you and your partner’s sex life suffers your relationship will suffer. So both of you need to be proactive about initiating sex and spicing up your sex life.

There’s no one right way to structure your sex life. It depends on the individuals involved. So you need to regularly communicate with your partner about your sex life. Let them know your needs, expectations, fantasies, and disappointments. Help them help you and visa versa.

Even though everyone is different I would still give everyone one piece of advice: oral sex is the magic bullet. It’s hard to be unhappy when you’re getting great oral sex all the time. If your relationship is suffering, give each other more oral sex. You’ll see immediate improvements. And everybody wants oral sex anyway. So you should be giving each other great oral sex already because you care about each other and want to fulfill each other’s wants.

 

 

6: Proactively try to grow and articulate yourself

Your relationship is only as strong as its weakest member. If you don’t proactively teach yourself new knowledge and seek out edifying experiences your mind will atrophy. You’ll forget what you already know. You’ll get stuck in your ways, and regress into a boring old idiot. In that state, you won’t be able to fulfill your own potential much less help your partner through their personal saga of life. If your life only has a vague direction, you’ll bumble through life semi-lucidly never really getting anywhere, and you’ll keep your partner in life from getting anywhere as well.

Learn. Think. Grow.

 

7: Learn about the differences between men and women.

If you’re going to be proactively studying important subjects anyway, you may as well start with learning the differences between how men and women think. After all, if you’re going to spend the rest of your life with a member of the opposite sex it’s important that you understand them. Even if you’re going to spend the rest of your life with a member of your own sex, half the world’s population is still made up of the opposite sex. So it would serve you well to understand them.

There have been dozens, possibly hundreds of books written on the psychology of the sexes. There are even university courses on the subject. Read those textbooks before you buy self-help books written by self-proclaimed gurus with dubious credentials… such as myself.

 

8: Don’t date stupid or crazy people

Crazy, stupid people do crazy stupid things. If you let a cloud of bats live in your bedroom then your life is going to be hell. Learn how to spot crazy and stupid and stay far, far away from them.

 

 

9: Your happiness is your own responsibility.

This last rule is a combination of rule #3 and rule #9. Your partner should want you to be happy. After all, if they don’t, then why are they there? Yet at the same time, your happiness is ultimately your responsibility. If you can’t be happy without someone else constantly checking up on you and tending to your every, need then you’re behaving like a parasite, and you’re going to consume your partner. Once you’ve nibbled away your partner’s soul your relationship is going to crumble and your own chances of happiness will crumble right along with it.

Do what you need to do to keep yourself happy. Give what you expect to get back and more. Don’t rely on someone else to keep you happy. If you can’t keep yourself happy then they won’t be able to either. Then nobody will get to be happy and it would have been better for both of you if you’d never met.

 

10: A lover who doesn’t let you be yourself doesn’t love you for who you are.

If you lover constantly harasses you for going out with your friends or doing the things you want to do until you break down and behave the way they want you to behave then they must dislike who you are and what you want out of life. You’re never going to share and celebrate your life with one another. You’re just going to fight until you either leave or become their willing slave. No matter how many positive traits your partner may have, if they don’t respect you for who you are and give you space to do the things you enjoy then you don’t have a healthy relationship. You’re just being taken advantage of by someone who cares more about themself than you.

 

11: Don’t confuse co-dependency with love.

If you base your perception of love on Disney movies and pop music then what you call love is actually co-dependency. I’m not saying you’re codependent if your partner still takes your breath away even after ten years. I’m saying you’re codependent if you can’t breathe without them being right next to you worshiping you every moment of every day. If you can’t live without your partner’s love and affection you’re going to smother and cripple them, and when they’re too worn down and stressed out to live up to your unrealistic expectations you’re going to hate them, yourself and life itself because your life will be meaningless without a host to feed on.

Don’t confuse co-dependency with love.  Couples should be able to stand alone as individuals. Two individuals who are complete alone, will make a greater whole when they’re together than two people who need someone else to use as a crutch. So base your philosophy on relationships on reason, not oversimplified commercial children’s stories.

 

 

12: Learn how to argue for truth as opposed to winning.

Inevitably you’re going to have a disagreement with your partner, and often times little disagreements can escalate into big ones, especially when couples are already stressed out. Disagreements aren’t inherently a bad thing. They’re an opportunity to bridge a gap that’s come between you and your lover, but immature people don’t see it that way. Immature people see a disagreement a challenge to be won, but that means there has to be a loser. That means in order for you to win your lover has to lose. When you beat or shout your lover into submission you might win the battle, but you lose the war. It doesn’t matter who “wins” an argument. All that matters is your relationship.

When you argue, listen to your partner’s entire argument before uttering a word. When you do speak, ask for clarifications and elaborations. Find out everything on their mind and then think about that. Bend over backward to look at the situation from their point of view, and assume (for the sake of argument) that you’re wrong. Even if you’re right you’re probably wrong about something. In order to win the war, you need to find out what that is and correct it. If you’d proactively analyzed yourself for flaws beforehand you wouldn’t have to wait for them to drive your partner to the breaking point where they feel the need to confront you about your flaws.

 

13: Don’t hold back.

There are two parts to this piece of advice. First, don’t be afraid to love. Holding back and waiting to let yourself love someone or to tell them you love them until after you have ten tons of proof to justify your emotions doesn’t defend the integrity of love. It merely postpones your connection with the most important person in your life. Granted, there’s a limit. You don’t want to tell someone you love them on the first date; that’s just co-dependency. Having said that, there’s also a line where withholding your emotions is just being cold, and the consequences of holding back a little too long are worse than jumping the gun a little bit.

The other way you don’t want to hold back is by not letting the other person in. It’s understandable that you don’t want to be hurt. It’s understandable that you don’t want to share your deepest secrets with a complete stranger. However, if you’re in a committed relationship with someone and you keep holding them at arm’s length and never letting them swim through your soul then you’re just torturing the most important person in your life, and you’ll never be able to build a deeper relationship if they can’t dive into you.

 

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11 Reasons Not To Bitch At Your Man

1: Bitching is abusive.

Bitching is overbearing complaining in a whiny, hurt or angry tone of voice. The complaint usually stems from a conflict of interest and implies a specific call to action: The recipient should feel bad and change their behavior so as not to conflict with the bitching person’s desires.

Psychologists have coined several terms to describe whining, nagging, complaining, guilt-tripping, insulting, and threatening another person to motivate them to change their behavior. They call that emotional blackmail, psychological abuse, bullying, relational aggressionpassive-aggressive behavior, a personality pathology, and toxic.

The definition of mental disorder is, “a behavioral or mental pattern that may cause suffering or a poor ability to function in life.” All of these terms are considered mental disorders. They’re literally symptoms of insanity. I can’t tell you how you’re supposed to live, but you don’t need a prophet to tell you that you’re not supposed to behave abusively and insane. No matter what happens after death, no good will come from that being the legacy of your life.

 

 

2: Bitching is hurtful.

Bitching causes suffering on the recipient. Every time you bitch at your man, you should poke him in the chest with a fork, because that’s what you’re doing to his mind. When you finally get what you want and walk away feeling victorious, look over your shoulder at his bloody chest and ask yourself what you really accomplished. Regardless of who was more right or wrong in the conflict, the person who intentionally hurt the other to get what they wanted was the villain.

I can’t prove it’s morally wrong to hurt people, but most of the world believes it, and it’s the basis of most of our spiritual and secular laws. So in the eyes of God and the human race, bitching makes you one of the bad guys. You can say, “Nobody can judge me,” but when it’s all said and done, you chose to stand with the pain-makers, and the chance you’re on the wrong side of the meaning of life is dangerously high.

 

3: Bitching is stressful.

Men understand and accept they’re going to have to put up with a certain amount of verbal abuse and manipulation from their girlfriends/wives. Every man’s patience level is different, but nobody’s is infinite, and bitching gets old fast. Living with a bitching woman is like having a giant smoke detector that follows you around beeping at 80 decibels whenever you try to be yourself and do things you enjoy. The only way to stop it is to either hit it or grovel in front of it and give it money. Even then, it only stops beeping for a few hours before it starts back up again.

You shouldn’t be proud or indifferent if that analogy applies to you. You should be asking yourself what you’re doing with your life. You’re like a mad psychologist who turned your house into a Skinner box that shocks the man of your dreams when he tries to be happy. You may as well carry a hand-held chalkboard with you all day and scratch it every time he enters the room. If you don’t understand why that’s a bad thing, you need therapy. If you believe you’re entitled to act that way, then you need an intervention.

 

"A complaining wife is like water that never stops dripping on a rainy day." Proverbs 27:15

4: Bitching is unfair.

Does your man bitch at you constantly? Does he control you by drowning you in guilt, shame, and fear? Do you know he’d throw you and everything you’ve done for him under the bus at a moment’s notice if you stood between him and a trivial desire? If so, you know how soul-crushing it is to be treated that way. If not, you probably know a woman who has been in a toxic relationship. You’ve seen the suffering in her eyes and probably told her that her man is a no good jerk, and she deserves better.

What does your man do for you? Does he buy you thoughtful gifts? Does he tell you he loves you? Does he work hard and make sacrifices so you can have a better life? Would he die for you? If he even tries to act like a knight in shining tuxedo, that says something about him. If you repay his kindness with impatience, greed, and malice, that says something about you. If life were fair, your man would have a woman who treats him like a hero, and you’d be alone.

 

5: Bitching isn’t what you agreed on.

The premise of a romantic relationship is that you care about each other so profoundly you want to spend your life reciprocating your love for each other. That’s the unspoken agreement.

Conveniently for women, most men want to be a knight in shining tuxedo for their princess and build her a castle. In return for everything they put into the relationship, all they want is motherly kindness and sexual relief. Men aren’t looking for princesses because they want to install a dictator in their home. They commit because they need an ally in this hard, dark, thankless, stormy, fucked up world who actually cares about them and will be their shelter from the storm.

Every time you bitch at your man you break your contract, make a liar out of yourself, and leave your knight out in the rain. That’s not being clever. That’s being a parasite.

 

6: Bitching weakens your man.

Studies have shown people are more likely to believe something is true the more they hear it even if they know it isn’t true. This is known as the illusory-truth effect. Even if you don’t explicitly tell your man he’s a useless, worthless failure who isn’t good enough to do anything right, treating him like it can condition him to believe it, which will create a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Even if his confidence and self-worth are strong enough to withstand being chipped away by the constant condemnation of the person he wants to please most in the world, the mental effort will drain his stamina. You don’t need a degree in psychology to understand this. Men can’t endure living with a giant smoke detector constantly tearing down their self-worth at 80 decibels while stabbing them in the chest with a fork. It wears them down into miserable, broken zombies.

Even if you lack the humanity to care how horrible it is to do that to a person, just know that bitching might get you what you want from your man in the short term, but it will increasingly diminish his ability to provide every kind of support in the future.

 

7: Bitching erodes your relationship.

If you know a notorious bitcher, give them a copy of the book, “How Full Is Your Bucket?” To quote the book’s Amazon page, “The authors, a grandfather-grandson team, explore how using positive psychology in everyday interactions can dramatically change our lives. They suggest that we all have a bucket within us that needs to be filled with positive experiences, such as recognition or praise. When we’re negative toward others, we use a dipper to remove from their buckets and diminish their positive outlook. When we treat others in a positive manner, we fill not only their buckets but ours as well.”

This isn’t rocket science. Treating people like shit makes them feel like shit, and treating them great makes them feel great. The more you treat your man like shit, the less reason he has to be nice to you, and the more reasons he has to count you among his enemies and get as far away from you as he can.

 

 

8: Bitching is a foreign language men can’t understand.

The differences in men and women’s brains cause them to communicate slightly differently, which can cause major misunderstandings. Bitching may be one of them. In the same way Americans often mistakenly assume Chinese people are angry because the Chinese language uses intonations liberally that are reserved for aggression in the English language, maybe women don’t realize they’re bitching, because in their mind, they’re just expressing their feelings. But in men’s goal-oriented minds, a woman bitching sounds like an angry football coach scolding them for losing the game.

Women can argue that men just need to understand how they communicate and be patient with them, but men can argue that women just need to stop bitching when they know it triggers an instinctual psychological response in their brain that puts them into fight or flight mode. We can argue who should be more accommodating all day, but ultimately, if you want someone to do something for you, you have the best chance of getting it if you speak in the language they understand.

 

9: Bitching is counterproductive.

There’s an old saying, “You can catch more bees with honey than vinegar.” A woman I know and respect expressed this timeless truth another way, “If you’re nice to me, I’ll bend over backward for you, but if you’re disrespectful, I’ll do everything I can to not do shit for you.”

This is as true in relationships as it is in life. If you bitch at your man, he’ll do the bare minimum for you, but if you give him a blowjob, he’ll give you 110% for the next week.

 

10: Bitching creates negative karma ghosts.

Karma ghosts are a metaphor for the way your actions have ripple effects across society. It’s an extension of the premise to the movie, “Pay it Forward” and “How Full Is Your Bucket.” When you do nice things for your man, he goes out into the world with a full bucket that sloshes over into the buckets of everyone he meets.

When you tear down, stress out, and piss off your man, he goes out into the world in a bad state of mind. He’s less patient, kind, and enthusiastic. This causes him to empty other people’s buckets, and the damage he does to other people will affect how they treat others. Your negativity will spread like wildfire until the whole world becomes depressed and angry. You may hate the world and say good riddance, but the point is, the problem will eventually come back to you in ways you could never predict.

 

 

  1. Bitching creates negative immediate karma.

There probably isn’t any spiritual force in the universe that sucks up your negativity and drops it back out of the sky into your life in the form of personalized inconveniences. Spiritual karma would be redundant because the damage is already done the moment you think or act negatively. You experience reality through your mind. When you think and act ugly, that’s what you experience. It’s how the universe looks and feels to you. The effect is just as real as if you had a tiny cloud above your head raining anxiety and anger.

Anytime you justify bitching, you’re justifying painting the walls of your universe with shit. If you don’t care about anyone but yourself, the best thing you can do for yourself is be as nice as possible to everyone, especially the people you spend the most time and share the most bills with. Immediately, and in the long run, the better you treat people, the better life is for everyone, whereas bitching turns your life and everyone else’s to shit.

 

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Advice To Male Virgins About Having Sex

1: Get her in the mood.

Sometimes women may act like they’re not interested in sex at all, but make no mistake, they’re humans who were born with primal sexual urges. They want sex. They fantasize about it; they wait for it, and they look for it. But they’re not as likely as men to run out and find the first person who will get naked for them because they don’t want to be a slut, and they’re looking to get more out of sex than just physical stimulation. They want a total mind/body/life experience. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes girls just want to get laid, but as a general rule, the point of having sex is the overall emotional connection and experience, not just the physical build up to orgasm.

The circumstances surrounding a sexual encounter are as important as what you do during sex. If you’re going to put a mountain of effort into pleasing a woman’s body the right way then put that much effort into looking nice, picking a romantic environment, complimenting them, making them feel safe and showing them that you genuinely care about them as a person. If you want to be a great lover then you need to view all of these factors as much of a part of the act of having sex as touching a woman’s body. If you can do that then you won’t have to beg and coerce them into having sex because they’ll want to have sex with you.

Having said all that, there are certain things you can/should to do physically please a woman, and I’m about to talk about those things, but as you read them, be aware that infused with all of these steps/techniques is the importance of the emotional connection and the total life experience.

Firstly, men can go from a completely unaroused state to being ready to have penetrating sex in as little as one minute. Women generally require a minimum of ten minutes, but that’s the bare minimum. In order to give a woman the most fulfilling sexual experience possible and the most intense orgasm possible, you should spend an evening romancing them before your clothes ever come off. Once they do, you should be mindful of the fact that she may have insecurities about her body and be feeling anxiety about sharing her most sacred of gifts with you. So don’t rush to the penetration stage of sex. Compliment her naked body. Tell her she’s wonderful and that the experience you’re sharing is meaningful.

If you want to go the Full Monty then give her a slow, erotic massage. It will relax her mind and body. The less anxiety her mind feels the more her body will allow her to experience an orgasm. And the longer you build up her sexual desire the stronger her orgasm will be. Even without giving a full body massage, you can still take time to kiss and caress her body. There’s no single, correct list of steps you need to memorize to pleasure a woman physically. The important thing is that you tune into the connection between you and your partner and go with the flow. When that happens the rest is just details.

Having said that though, it is important to be fluid in your movements. Think of sex like a dance. Fluid, graceful movements are better than herky-jerky movements. Also, every woman has their own erogenous spots on their body that turn them on when you kiss, nibble and touch them there. Explore your woman’s body to find hers. Even though every girl is different, there’s a good chance that nibbling, kissing and caressing one of the following spots will drive her crazy: her earlobe, the back of her neck, her nipples, and her inner thighs.

 

 

2: Start slow and ease your way in.

When it does finally come time to slide your penis into her vagina, know that even if she doesn’t feel tight to you, she may be so tight that penetration will hurt her. You can loosen her up a little by fingering her gently first. You can also insert the tip of your penis in and out teasingly and slowly penetrate her gradually. Not only will this help her loosen up, but it will help her body acclimate to being penetrated making her yearn to have you deeper instead of shocking her by having a foreign object unceremoniously jammed into her.

Even after you achieve full penetration, start out slowly. Consider just leaving your penis inside of her for thirty seconds while she gets used to you, and then begin with slow, fluid thrusts. But if all you ever do are slow, romantic thrusts you’ll likely bore her. You’ll want to gradually increase the speed of your thrusts. There’s no single correct technique to exactly how you should thrust. It depends on the girl and the mood. I will say this, you’ll want to be gentle if you’re taking a girl’s virginity, but sometimes girls just want to have the bejeezus fucked out of them. Sometimes they want you to just rail into them like you don’t care about their feelings. If you never, ever do that she’ll be disappointed. But even on those occasions, you’ll still need to start out slow and loosen her up first.

 

3: Use different positions.

There’s also no single correct sexual position. They’re all wonderful in their own way, and they should all be explored. However, there are a few positions that allow the man to rub the base of his pelvis against a woman’s clit during intercourse increasing the chance she can achieve orgasm during sex. You can do this in the missionary position, but you have to make a conscious effort to swivel your hip up so that your pelvis makes contact with the clitoris. Depending on the shape/size of your bodies you may be able to make good clitoral contact by modifying the missionary position so that the girl lays flat on her back with her legs together and the guy straddles his knees on the outside of her legs and dips his penis down between the top of her thighs into her vagina. Another good position is the cowgirl, which is where the man lays flat on his back and the girl straddles him. Girls often like this position because they control what they feel, and they can rub their clit on your pelvis as they like. You can also lay behind her in the spooning position and reach around her and stimulate her clit with your hand. Or she can stimulate her clit with her own hand or a toy.

 

 

4: Stimulate the clitoris.

The one place that every girl wants/needs to be stimulated is on her clitoris. 80% of women can’t achieve orgasm through penis-in-vagina sex alone. They need clitoral stimulation. Feel free to go down on a girl and give her an orgasm before you even start having sex. If you can’t bring her to climax during sex then at least she’ll have had an orgasm, but know that her clitoris will be too sensitive after orgasm to jump right into sex. You’ll need to cuddle for a few minutes and let her cool down before penetrating her.

 

Diagram showing the location of the clitoris

 

5: Stimulate the G-spot.

Another factor to consider when choosing your sex position is how well it allows you stimulate the G-spot, which is found on the roof of the vagina just past the opening. The trick is to find a position that angles your penis so that it hits the roof of the vagina. You can do this in the missionary position if you elevate the girls’ hips high enough by resting her ass on a large pillow or lifting her ass in the air with your hands. That can be very effective because it allows you to push and pull her body with your hands as you thrust with your hips. The cowgirl is another position that lends itself to G-spot stimulation. One of the best positions for this is the folded lawn chair, which allows you to make deep, penetrating thrusts. You can also hit the G-spot in the doggy style position if you thrust/press downwards. That’s also a good position for when it’s time to hard-fuck her like you’re never going to see her again.

 

Diagram showing the location of the G-spot on the roof of the vagina canal, just past the pubic bone

 

6: Don’t try to last for hours.

You may think that women want penis-in-vagina sex to last as long as possible since you want to have your penis in their vagina as long as possible, but remember, to women sex is the total experience and not just what happens after your penis enters her. There are times when women want to go for a marathon session, but as a general rule, their vagina will start to hurt after 7-10 minutes of pounding. After 15-20 minutes they’re likely to start thinking about shopping lists while waiting for you to finish. After 30 minutes they’ll be praying for you to finish. So as a general rule, make your foreplay count and don’t worry about lasting more than 10 minutes.

 

7: Stimulate her mind and body after intercourse.

Whenever you finally achieve orgasm, remember that sex for a woman is a total mind/body/life experience. So the sexual experience doesn’t end the moment you achieve orgasm. If she hasn’t had an orgasm yet you still need to give it to her by stimulating her clitoris with your hand, tongue or toy. Even after that, you still need to put the metaphorical cherry on top of the metaphorical cake. Hold her in your arms and cuddle. Maybe whisper sweet platitudes in her ear. Kiss her, caress her and show her that she’s more than just a fuck doll to you and that you care about her and the total experience.

 

8: Be respectfully rough in bed.

I’ve put so much emphasis on how important the emotional aspect of sex is to women that what I’m about to say next may seem contradictory and counter-intuitive. Even among women who act like a-sexual porcelain, Disney princesses … there is a tendency for many women to enjoy taking the submissive role during sex and want to be dominated by their sexual partner. Not all girls enjoy this, and those who do may not always want to be dominated every time they have sex or to the same extent each time it happens. Sometimes some girls just like you to take charge. Sometimes they want you to blindfold them and pin them to the bed. Sometimes they want you to slap them in the face and call them a dirty slut. Find out what your girl likes by talking to her, not by trial and error.

You might think, “My girl wears high heels, evening dresses and goes to church or feminist meetings. So there’s no way she would want to be manhandled and made to feel small during sex.” There’s logic behind your point of view, and you may be right, but let me just leave you with a few reasons why your girl may still want to be dominated sexually every once in a while at least.

First, society pressures women to hide their sexuality even though it burns like a fire underneath their good girl facade. After stressing over living this lie for so long, sometimes it feels good to just let go. Not only is being naughty erotic, but by acting the way they aren’t supposed to, they conquer the taboo they’ve been running from.

This doesn’t mean girls want to go out and get treated like a piece of meat by someone who has no respect for them because that would mean they actually are a dirty slut. If a girl can have aggressive, submissive sex with a loving partner in the safety of their shared nest then they enjoy the experience of letting go in a safe, meaningful way that doesn’t actually make them a dirty slut. When you have dangerous sex with a girl who knows you can break her physically and emotionally but you don’t, it shows her that she can feel safe in your arms and in your presence. And even if you have her pinned to the bed, and she can’t move she still has the power to stop you with a single word at any moment, which means you’re not really in control; she’s in control. That means she gets to enjoy the eroticism of being dominated while also enjoying the power of being in control. And make no mistake, being dominated is genuinely erotic. Society just pounds it into men’s heads that we always have to be the alpha male and nothing is more degrading than submitting to someone else’s control. So we tend to view submission as disgraceful to the point that we may not even want to inflict that disgrace on anyone else, which as a general rule is good, but that rule doesn’t always apply in the bedroom. Submission and domination don’t always have to be about social statuses and gender equality. Another legitimate reason why girls like to be submissive in the bedroom is because they want you to be happy, and it drives them wild to see you go wild. At the same time, sometimes girls like to be submissive for a more selfish reason. As you’re madly pounding away at them from behind they’re quietly taking credit for being sexy enough to drive a big, strong beast like you out of your mind. Again, that’s them being in control, and it’s genuinely enjoyable.

So, after you’ve been with a girl for awhile, have a few conversations about submission and domination. Find out what her fantasies are, and explore them at a speed both of you are comfortable with. Agree on a safe word, and respect each other’s boundaries. And after you finish having dominating sex, make an extra effort to be kind and comforting during the afterglow phase to show her that you truly do respect her.

 

9: Sex toys aren’t your competition. They’re your opportunity.

On a final note, I want to take a moment to talk about dildos and vibrators. A lot of men are intimidated and offended by sex toys because they’re afraid that if their significant other uses a gigantic vibrating toy they’ll get spoiled on it and won’t be satisfied with their man’s penis anymore. Plus, men don’t like the idea of any dick (real or plastic) invading their territory. These fears are understandable but ultimately unfounded.

Remember that sex for a woman is as much (if not more) about the emotional connection between the two people involved. A piece of plastic can never replace a flesh and blood man who can love them and ravage their entire body during intercourse. Also, women have a right to have their vagina filled up with a massive plastic dong every once in a while. It’s not your place to tell them they don’t have that right. And you should want them to be happy. If they get any joy from getting off with a toy every once in a while then you should want that for them. At any rate, you’re almost certainly going to masturbate without them at some point. So don’t be a hypocrite.

The issue of sex toys shouldn’t involve accusations and defenses anyway. Sex toys aren’t a threat. They’re an opportunity. If you incorporate them into your sex life you open up a whole new world of possibilities. Probably the greatest advantage of using vibrators during sex is that you can stimulate your girl’s clitoris while you have penis-in-vagina sex, which will greatly increase the odds of her having an orgasm during sex. When that happens she won’t be thinking, “This toy got me off.” She’ll be thinking, “I got off with my lover while we used a toy.” See what happened there? The toy does all the work, and you get all the credit. With a little practice, you can greatly increase the odds of being able to achieve orgasm simultaneously, and that is a truly magical thing. The best toy to use to stimulate her clit during sex isn’t a big cock-shaped vibrator. You’ll have better luck with a small, variable-speed bullet/egg-shaped clitoral stimulator.

 

If you enjoyed this post, you’ll also like these:

 

Sex positions and techniques
General Sex Advice
Dating Advice
Relationship Advice
Philosophy of Sexuality
Friendship
My Tweets About Romance

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