The Wise Sloth

A Wise Sloth fan E-mailed me recently and asked me to break down the plot of Perry Mason, Season 1-Episode 5, The Case of the Sulky Girl. So I did.

“Perry Mason” is a detective mystery/court drama book series written by Erle Stanley Gardner in the 1930’s-1940’s. In two decades, he wrote 82 books, which were so popular, they were adapted into a black and white television sitcom in the 1950s that lasted 271 episodes. He was able to write so quickly and eloquently by inventing and using handwritten plot wheels. You can find pictures pictures of his original handwritten wheels here. The words are hard to read, but you can find transcriptions here.

Gardner undoubtedly had more wheels and laddered-outlines, which you may be able to learn more about in the book, “Secrets of the World’s Best-Selling Writer: The Storytelling Techniques of Erle Stanley Gardner.” I haven’t read it. The reviews say it’s more biography than how-to, but it seems to be the only book that talks about Gardner’s writing method at all, and his life seems pretty interesting anyway.

You can write your own Perry Mason fan fiction by copying the contents of my spreadsheet into an Excel document and then using the “find and replace” function (Ctrl-F) to replace the variables. Once you’re familiar with how the pieces fit together, then you can move and change them to create more original stories. Over the next few months I’m going to break down a few more episodes and write an analysis that will help both of us understand Gardner’s formula better.

Click here to view the break down on Google Spreadsheets.

Click here to view a jpg image of the break down on Imgur.

Perry Mason: Season 1 Episode 5: The Case of the Sulky Girl
BEAT	1	Introduce CLIENT Introduce VICTIM Introduce conflicting goals between CLIENT and VICTIM	Setup to MASON taking CLIENT’S CASE Introduce primary characters Setup the murder
LOCATION	INT. VICTIM’S HOUSE – STUDY
ACTION	CLIENT tells VICTIM she wants to be treated like an adult.
REACTION	VICTIM tells CLIENT to act like one.
OUTCOME	CLIENT leaves angry.

BEAT	2	Introduce WITNESS #4 (MURDERER). Introduce WITNESS #5 (MURDERER’S ACCOMPLICE). Setup introducing WITNESS #1. Setup the time and place of murder.
LOCATION	INT. VICTIM’S HOUSE – FOYER
ACTION	WITNESS #4 (MURDERER) arrives at VICTIM’S HOUSE to see VICTIM
REACTION	WITNESS #5 (MURDERER’S ACCOMPLICE) tells WITNESS #4 (MURDERER) that VICTIM is busy and to come back later, but WITNESS #4 (MURDERER) says he will be with WITNESS #1 until 10pm. WITNESS #5 (MURDERER’S ACCOMPLICE) says to come back at 11pm.
OUTCOME	WITNESS #4 (MURDERER) reluctantly agrees to return at 11pm and leaves.

BEAT	3	Introduce WITNESS #6 ( RED HERRING). State CLIENT’S goal and stakes.
LOCATION	INT. VICTIM’S HOUSE – CLIENT’S ROOM
ACTION	CLIENT tells WITNESS #6 ( RED HERRING) that she wants her money now, and she’ll get it now.
REACTION	WITNESS #6 ( RED HERRING) advises CLIENT not to do anything, but CLIENT says she’s out of patience.
OUTCOME	CLIENT is resolved to take action, and she leaves to go see Perry MASON.

BEAT	4	Introduce RED HERRING #2. Show CLIENT enacting plan to accomplish goal. (This is an unecessary beat and can be cut.)
LOCATION	EXT. VICTIM’S HOUSE – FRONT YARD
ACTION	CLIENT gets in her car and leaves in a hurry.
REACTION	CLIENT almost runs over RANDOM GUY (RED HERRING), but he moves out of the way.
OUTCOME	RANDOM GUY (RED HERRING) angrily watches CLIENT drive away.

BEAT	5	Introduce MASON. State CASE GOAL #1. MASON accepts the case. Introduce MYSTERY #1
LOCATION	INT. PERRY MASON’S OFFICE
ACTION	CLIENT enter’s MASON’S office and tells him she wants him to represent her.
REACTION	MASON asks CLIENT to state her goal. So she tells him that she wants him to break VICTIM’s control of her trust fund.
OUTCOME	MASON agrees to take her case, and she leaves.

BEAT	6	MASON sends INVESTIGATOR to find CLUE #1 on CLIENT.	MASON follows clues to find more clues.
LOCATION	INT. PERRY MASON’S OFFICE
ACTION	MASON calls INVESTIGATOR and asks him to find information on CLIENT.
REACTION	INVESTIGATOR says he’s busy, but MASON tells him to reprioritize CLIENT’s case.
OUTCOME	INVESTIGATOR agrees to investigate CLIENT, and they hang up.

BEAT	7	Setup conflicting goals between WITNESS #6 ( RED HERRING) and VICTIM. Show motive for WITNESS #6 ( RED HERRING) to kill VICTIM.
LOCATION	INT. VICTIM’S HOUSE – STUDY
ACTION	VICTIM tells WITNESS #6 ( RED HERRING) not to comfort and encourage CLIENT anymore.
REACTION	WITNESS #6 ( RED HERRING) says she loves CLIENT, but VICTIM says if she continues to help CLIENT, he’ll fire her.
OUTCOME	WITNESS #6 ( RED HERRING) sadly agrees not to help CLIENT and leaves.

BEAT	8	MASON recieves CLUE #1 on CLIENT from INVESTIGATOR
LOCATION	INT. RESTAURANT
ACTION	INVESTIGATOR tells MASON he found information on CLIENT.
REACTION	INVESTIGATOR tells MASON that CLIENT ran away to Miami recently, where she fell in love with DEFENDANT (RED HERRING), who is a starving artist.
OUTCOME	MASON thanks INVESTIGATOR and leaves to go see DEFENDANT (RED HERRING).

BEAT	9	MASON follows CLUE #1, which leads to a dead end. MASON interviews DEFENDANT (RED HERRING) for a motive but finds no cause for suspicion.
LOCATION	INT. DEFENDANT (RED HERRING)’S LOFT
ACTION	MASON asks DEFENDANT (RED HERRING) to explain his relationship with CLIENT.
REACTION	DEFENDANT (RED HERRING) deflects, but MASON deduces DEFENDANT (RED HERRING) and CLIENT are married and expecting a baby.
OUTCOME	MASON is convinced DEFENDANT (RED HERRING)’s intentions are virtuous and leaves.

BEAT	10	MASON interviews VICTIM State CLIENT and VICTIM’S conflicting goals. MASON finds CLUE #2.
LOCATION	INT. VICTIM’S HOUSE – STUDY
ACTION	MASON asks VICTIM to explain why he won’t give CLIENT her money.
REACTION	VICTIM states CLIENT is too immature to have money until she’s 25.
OUTCOME	MASONs presses VICTIM, but VICTIM gets angry and kicks MASON out. MASON leaves convinced VICTIM’s intentions are not virtuous.

BEAT	11	MASON recieves CLUE #3 from INVESTIGATOR CLUE #3: VICTIM invests money through WITNESS #4 (MURDERER)’S bank. MASON sends INVESTIGATOR to investigate WITNESS #4 (MURDERER)’S bank. Setup MASON receiving CLUE #10
LOCATION	INT. RESTAURANT
ACTION	INVESTIGATOR tells MASON he has information on VICTIM.
REACTION	INVESTIGATORs tells MASON that VICTIM banks at WITNESS #4 (MURDERER)’s bank and is involved in real estate.
OUTCOME	MASON tells INVESTIGATOR to investigate VICTIM’s associates at WITNESS #4 (MURDERER)’s bank.

BEAT	12	Setup the murder. Place DEFENDANT (RED HERRING) at the scene of the murder. Place WITNESS #4 (MURDERER) at the scene of the murder. Place WITNESS #1 at the scene of the murder.	Setup the murder Commit the murder Show the ruse Investigate the crime scene Take statements from witnesses
LOCATION	EXT. VICTIM’S HOUSE – FRONT LAWN
ACTION	DEFENDANT (RED HERRING) approaches the house to see VICTIM.
REACTION	WITNESS #4 (MURDERER) and WITNESS #1 drive up to see VICTIM. So DEFENDANT (RED HERRING) hides behind the house.
OUTCOME	WITNESS #4 (MURDERER)’s path to see VICTIM is clear, and DEFENDANT (RED HERRING)’s opportunity is closed.

BEAT	13	VICTIM is murdered. Show WITNESS #2’S TESTIMONY Introduce MYSTERY #2. Introduce WITNESS #2 Introduce CLUE #4
LOCATION	INT. POLICE STATION
ACTION	WITNESS #2 is trying to have a relaxing night.
REACTION	VICTIM calls and says CLIENT is threatening his life, but he hangs up suddenly before he can finish.
OUTCOME	WITNESS #2 sends a patrol car to VICTIM’S HOUSE to investigate.

BEAT	14	Show RUSE. Introduce CLUE #5 Introduce CLUE #6
LOCATION	EXT. VICTIM’S HOUSE – FRONT LAWN
ACTION	WITNESS #4 (MURDERER) leaves his meeting with VICTIM, and VICTIM yells out the window saying WITNESS #5 (MURDERER’S ACCOMPLICE) goes with him to get some business papers from the bank.
REACTION	While driving away, WITNESS #4 (MURDERER) sees someone attack VICTIM in his study through the window.
OUTCOME	WITNESS #4 (MURDERER), WITNESS #5 (MURDERER’S ACCOMPLICE), and WITNESS #1 return to the house to investigate.

BEAT	15 – MIDPOINT TWIST	Midpoint twist Introduce CASE GOAL #2
LOCATION	INT. PERRY MASON’S OFFICE
ACTION	MASON plans and practices the argument he’ll use in court against VICTIM.
REACTION	CLIENT enters and interrupts him and says VICTIM has been murdered.
OUTCOME	MASON’s plans are dashed, the stakes are raised, and he has to set a new goal, which is to beat the PROSECUTOR in court.

BEAT	16	Investigate the crime scene. INTRODUCE CLUE #7 Setup PROSECUTOR’S ARGUMENT
LOCATION	INT. VICTIM’S HOUSE – STUDY
ACTION	Police investigate the crime scene.
REACTION	Police find evidence of a large ash tray used to kill VICTIM.
OUTCOME	Police plan to do an autopsy report and leave.

BEAT	17	CLUE #7 corroborates CLUE #6. Setup PROSECUTOR’S GOAL #1
LOCATION	INT. VICTIM’S HOUSE – STUDY
ACTION	Police asks WITNESS #5 (MURDERER’S ACCOMPLICE) what he saw as MASON stands by and listens.
REACTION	WITNESS #5 (MURDERER’S ACCOMPLICE) says he saw a man through the window kill VICTIM with a large object, but he couldn’t see him clearly.
OUTCOME	The police aren’t sure if WITNESS #5 (MURDERER’S ACCOMPLICE) is reliable, and MASON is worried CLIENT knows DEFENDANT (RED HERRING) killed VICTIM.

BEAT	18	MASON interviews CLIENT and finds CLUE #8	Pretrial Setback after Setback Build the PROSECUTOR’s case
LOCATION	INT. VICTIM’S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM
ACTION	MASON asks CLIENT what she knows about the night of the murder.
REACTION	CLIENT says DEFENDANT (RED HERRING) went to see VICTIM, and that’s all she knows.
OUTCOME	MASON leaves frustrated.

BEAT	19	MASON follows CLUE #8 and interviews DEFENDANT (RED HERRING). MASON finds CLUE #9 (SETBACK #1). Introduce SETBACK #1
LOCATION	INT. WITNESS #6 ( RED HERRING) CHARACTER #1’S LOFT
ACTION	MASON asks DEFENDANT (RED HERRING) where he was and what he was doing the night of the murder.
REACTION	DEFENDANT (RED HERRING) tells MASON he went to see VICTIM to beg, but saw WITNESS #4 (MURDERER) and ran and waited. Later, he heard WITNESS #5 (MURDERER’S ACCOMPLICE) shouting and entered the house, finding VICTIM dead. Then he ran when WITNESS #5 (MURDERER’S ACCOMPLICE) entered the room.
OUTCOME	MASON leaves frustrated.

BEAT	20	Enact PROSECUTOR’S GOAL #1 Introduce SETBACK #2
LOCATION	EXT. VICTIM’S HOUSE – FRONT YARD
ACTION	PROSECUTOR tells WITNESS #5 (MURDERER’S ACCOMPLICE) they’re going to reenact the events to determine if he is a reliable WITNESS #1.
REACTION	They reenact WITNESS #5 (MURDERER’S ACCOMPLICE)’s experiences and prove he can tell the difference between different people ‘s profiles through a window.
OUTCOME	PROSECUTOR is happy that WITNESS #5 (MURDERER’S ACCOMPLICE) is reliable.

BEAT	21	Setup SETBACK #3
LOCATION	EXT. VICTIM’S HOUSE – FRONT YARD
ACTION	PROSECUTOR and WITNESS #5 (MURDERER’S ACCOMPLICE) leave VICTIM’S HOUSE.
REACTION	INVESTIGATOR watches PROSECUTOR and WITNESS #5 (MURDERER’S ACCOMPLICE) leave.
OUTCOME	INVESTIGATOR leaves.

BEAT	22	MASON states PROSECUTOR’S CASE and the stakes.
LOCATION	INT. PERRY MASON’S OFFICE
ACTION	INVESTIGATOR tells MASON about WITNESS #5 (MURDERER’S ACCOMPLICE)’s success identifying shadowy profiles through a window.
REACTION	MASON states that he can’t challenge WITNESS #5 (MURDERER’S ACCOMPLICE)’s testimony because WITNESS #1 and WITNESS #4 (MURDERER) will corroborate his testimony.
OUTCOME	MASON says he’s got a lot of work to do.

BEAT	23	Introduce SETBACK #3.
LOCATION	INT. DISTRICT ATTORNEY’S OFFICE
ACTION	District Attorney tells INVESTIGATOR he was seen watching WITNESS #5 (MURDERER’S ACCOMPLICE) reenact the crime scene.
REACTION	District Attorney tells INVESTIGATOR he will be called as a witness to verify WITNESS #5 (MURDERER’S ACCOMPLICE)’s reliability.
OUTCOME	INVESTIGATOR reluctantly agrees to testify against his own case.

BEAT	24	State CASE GOAL #2 Foreshadow MASON receiving CLUE #10	Preliminary hearing
LOCATION	INT. COURT HOUSE – FOYER
ACTION	INVESTIGATOR and MASON leave the preliminary hearing.
REACTION	INVESTIGATOR says MASON lost to PROSECUTOR. So DEFENDANT (RED HERRING) will be tried for murder.
OUTCOME	INVESTIGATOR is pessimistic, but MASON is optimistic that he can find a clue in VICTIM’s financial records, which INVESTIGATOR says he will have soon.

BEAT	25	Begin the trial. PROSECUTOR states his argument.	Opening statements
LOCATION	INT. COURT HOUSE – COURT ROOM
ACTION	PROSECUTOR makes his opening statement to the jury, saying DEFENDANT (RED HERRING) killed VICTIM and was seen by three witnesses.
REACTION	MASON declines to make an opening statement.
OUTCOME	JUDGE allows PROSECUTOR to call his first witness.

BEAT	26	WITNESS #1 gives his testimony.	MASON is on the defensive and is visibly losing while gaining clues.
LOCATION	INT. COURT HOUSE – COURT ROOM
ACTION	PROSECUTOR calls WITNESS #1 to the stand.
REACTION	WITNESS #1 tells the court his account of the events.
OUTCOME	PROSECUTOR ends his turn.

BEAT	27	MASON questions WITNESS #1 and finds CLUE #11
LOCATION	INT. COURT HOUSE – COURT ROOM
ACTION	MASON cross-examines WITNESS #1’s testimony.
REACTION	MASON tries to get WITNESS #1 to prove he saw the murder from an unreliable vantage. He gets WITNESS #1 to say he never met VICTIM.
OUTCOME	MASON ends his turn.

BEAT	28	WITNESS #2 gives his testimony.
LOCATION	INT. COURT HOUSE – COURT ROOM
ACTION	PROSECUTOR calls WITNESS #2 to the stand.
REACTION	WITNESS #2 tells the court the details of VICTIM’s phone call.
OUTCOME	PROSECUTOR ends his turn.

BEAT	29	MASON questions WITNESS #2 and finds CLUE #12
LOCATION	INT. COURT HOUSE – COURT ROOM
ACTION	MASON cross examins WITNESS #2.
REACTION	MASON gets WITNESS #2 to admit he didn’t mention WITNESS #3 answered VICTIM’s call, making him an unreliable witness.
OUTCOME	MASON moves for WITNESS #2’s testimony to be thrown out.

BEAT	30	Fill time and raise tension.
LOCATION	INT. COURT HOUSE – COURT ROOM
ACTION	JUDGE asks PROSECUTOR if he objects to the motion to throw out WITNESS #2’s testimony.
REACTION	PROSECUTOR asks to delay deciding whether to throw out WITNESS #2’s testimony until they’ve heard WITNESS #3’s testimony.
OUTCOME	JUDGE agrees to PROSECUTOR’s request and orders WITNESS #3 be put on the stand after PROSECUTOR’s next witness.

BEAT	31	WITNESS #4 (MURDERER) gives his testimony.
LOCATION	INT. COURT HOUSE – COURT ROOM
ACTION	PROSECUTOR calls WITNESS #4 (MURDERER) to the stand.
REACTION	WITNESS #4 (MURDERER) tells the court the details of the events he witnessed.
OUTCOME	PROSECUTOR ends his turn.

BEAT	32	MASON questions WITNESS #4 (MURDERER) MASON finds CLUE #13
LOCATION	INT. COURT HOUSE – COURT ROOM
ACTION	MASON cross examines WITNESS #4 (MURDERER).
REACTION	MASONs asks WITNESS #4 (MURDERER) about the nature of his meeting with VICTIM and gets him to admit it was about buying/selling securities.
OUTCOME	MASON ends his turn and says he may call WITNESS #4 (MURDERER) back to the stand later.

BEAT	33 (TURNING POINT)	INVESTIGATOR gives CLUE #10 to MASON.	MASON is on the offensive but is visibly losing while gaining clues. Dead ends and red herrings.
LOCATION	INT. COURT HOUSE – COURT ROOM
ACTION	MASON sits down.
REACTION	MASON recieves the banking information he requested from INVESTIGATOR.
OUTCOME	MASON begins reading the information.

BEAT	34	WITNESS #5 (MURDERER’S ACCOMPLICE) gives his testimony.
LOCATION	INT. COURT HOUSE – COURT ROOM
ACTION	PROSECUTOR calls WITNESS #5 (MURDERER’S ACCOMPLICE) to the stand.
REACTION	WITNESS #5 (MURDERER’S ACCOMPLICE) tells the court the details of the events he witnessed.
OUTCOME	PROSECUTOR ends his turn.

BEAT	35	MASON dodges/deflects PROSECUTOR’S strongest argument.
LOCATION	INT. COURT HOUSE – COURT ROOM
ACTION	PROSECUTOR asks MASON to cross examine his WITNESS #5.
REACTION	MASON declines to question the WITNESS #5, and PROSECUTOR learns that WITNESS #3 has arrived.
OUTCOME	PROSECUTOR informs JUDGE that WITNESS #3 has arrived.

BEAT	36	WITNESS #3 gives his testimony.
LOCATION	INT. COURT HOUSE – COURT ROOM
ACTION	PROSECUTOR calls WITNESS #3 to the stand.
REACTION	WITNESS #3 tells the court the details of the events he witnessed.
OUTCOME	PROSECUTOR ends his turn.

BEAT	37	MASON questions WITNESS #3 and finds CLUE #
LOCATION	INT. COURT HOUSE – COURT ROOM
ACTION	MASONs cross examines WITNESS #3.
REACTION	MASONs argues WITNESS #3 didn’t know the identity of the caller, but PROSECUTOR says the argument is unfounded.
OUTCOME	JUDGE rules MASON’s argument is unfounded.

BEAT	38	WITNESS #6 ( RED HERRING) gives her testimony.
LOCATION	INT. COURT HOUSE – COURT ROOM
ACTION	PROSECUTOR calls WITNESS #6 ( RED HERRING) to the stand.
REACTION	WITNESS #6 ( RED HERRING) tells the court the details of the events he witnessed and says she saw DEFENDANT (RED HERRING) at the scene of the crime.
OUTCOME	PROSECUTOR ends his turn.

BEAT	39	MASON questions WITNESS #6 (RED HERRING) and finds she has a motive and opportunity to kill VICTIM.
LOCATION	INT. COURT HOUSE – COURT ROOM
ACTION	MASON cross examines WITNESS #6 ( RED HERRING).
REACTION	MASON gets WITNESS #6 ( RED HERRING) to admit she is leaving out details that raise suspicioun she had motive to kill VICTIM.
OUTCOME	MASON ends his turn.

BEAT	40 (Turning point)	MASON sets up his finishing move.	Mason is on the offensive and wins.
LOCATION	INT. COURT HOUSE – COURT ROOM
ACTION	MASON sits down and tells INVESTIGATOR to get WITNESS #1 to talk to him oustside by the window.
REACTION	INVESTIGATOR asks why, but MASON insists he do it without explanation.
OUTCOME	INVESTIGATOR agrees and leaves.

BEAT	41	MASON questions WITNESS #4 (MURDERER) and uses CLUE #10 to prove he had a motive to kill VICTIM.
LOCATION	INT. COURT HOUSE – COURT ROOM
ACTION	MASON calls WITNESS #4 (MURDERER) back to the stand.
REACTION	MASON calls WITNESS #4 (MURDERER) back to the stand and uses the banking information INVESTIGATOR gave him to prove WITNESS #4 (MURDERER) had a financial motive to kill VICTIM and states that he killed VICTIM as he was trying to call the police and then pretended to be VICTIM.
OUTCOME	MASON ends his turn.

BEAT	42	MASON questions WITNESS #5 (MURDERER’S ACCOMPLICE) and uses CLUE #11 to prove he had an opportunity to commit THE RUSE.
LOCATION	INT. COURT HOUSE – COURT ROOM
ACTION	MASON calls WITNESS #5 (MURDERER’S ACCOMPLICE) back to the stand.
REACTION	MASON asks WITNESS #5 (MURDERER’S ACCOMPLICE) to read a stack of cards very loudly while WITNESS #1 listens outside.
OUTCOME	MASON ends his turn.

BEAT	43	MASON questions WITNESS #1 and uses CLUE #11 to prove WITNESS committed THE RUSE.
LOCATION	INT. COURT HOUSE – COURT ROOM
ACTION	MASON calls WITNESS #1 back to the stand.
REACTION	MASON gets WITNESS #1 to admit he might have heard WITNESS #5 (MURDERER’S ACCOMPLICE) tell WITNESS #4 (MURDERER) to bring WITNESS #5 (MURDERER’S ACCOMPLICE) with him to get papers on the night of the murder.
OUTCOME	WITNESS #1 confirms WITNESS #5 (MURDERER’S ACCOMPLICE)’s voice came from the window, and WITNESS #5 (MURDERER’S ACCOMPLICE) admits WITNESS #4 (MURDERER) killed VICTIM.

BEAT	44	WITNESS #4 (MURDERER) confesses to murdering VICTIM. MASON wins and rests his case.
LOCATION	INT. COURT HOUSE – COURT ROOM
ACTION	PROSECUTOR looks to WITNESS #4 (MURDERER) to deny the accusation.
REACTION	WITNESS #4 (MURDERER) doesn’t deny the accusation.
OUTCOME	MASON rests his case.

CASE GOAL #1: Find a way to give CLIENT control of her inheritance from VICTIM. CASE GOAL #2: Prove DEFENDANT (RED HERRING) didn’t kill VICTIM. MYSTERY #1: What is CLIENT hiding? MYSTERY #2: Who killed VICTIM? RUSE: MURDERER faked an alibi by yelling at WITNESS #1 from a window. PROSECUTOR’S ARGUMENT: All witnesses’ testimonies are reliable. CLUE #1 (MYSTERY #1): Client is having a secret affair with DEFENDANT (RED HERRING) CLUE #2 (MYSTERY #1): VICTIM is involved with large banking investments. CLUE #3: VICTIM invests money through WITNESS #4 (MURDERER)’S bank. CLUE #4: WITNESS #2 didn’t hear the caller’s voice change. CLUE #5: WITNESS #1 heard WITNESS #3’S voice during the RUSE. CLUE #6: WITNESS #5 saw VICTIM murdered with a large object CLUE #7: VICTIM was killed with a large object. CLUE #8: DEFENDANT (RED HERRING) was at the scene of the crime when VICTIM was killed. CLUE #9: DEFENDANT (RED HERRING) was seen at the scene of the crime when VICTIM was killed. CLUE #10: MURDERER owed money he couldn’t pay. CLUE #11: WITNESS #1 has never med VICTIM and thus didn’t know the sound of his voice. CLUE #12: WITNESS #2 didn’t answer the phone. So he didn’t know the caller’s voice changed. CLUE #13: WITNESS #4 (MURDERER) buys and sells securities for VICTIM with a “power of attorney” CLUE #14: WITNESS #3 didn’t know the caller’s voice changed after he handed the phone to WITNESS #2. CLUE #15: SETBACK #1: DEFENDANT (RED HERRING) was seen at the scene of the crime when VICTIM was killed. SETBACK #2: WITNESS #5’s testimony is reliable. SETBACK #3: INVESTIGATOR’s makes a mistake that helps the PROSECUTOR’s case and weakens MASON’s case.

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December 30, 2017

If You Don’t Believe What The Bible Says About Bodily Fluids, Why Trust The Rest?

By wise sloth

Some people say the Bible is the word of God. I’ve heard believers call it “perfect,” “unerring,” “unchanging,” and “the only book you’ll ever need.” I’ve even met a lot of Atheists and members of other religions who don’t believe the Bible is divinely inspired but still revere it as indispensable source of wisdom.

The Bible may contain a few good lessons, but you can find the same ideas in other religions that developed independently around the world throughout history. Every culture invented the idea it’s bad to hurt people because that truth is self-evident. Basic morality is common sense.

When you take out all the moral lessons that any child could have taught you, the Bible doesn’t offer much novel insight into the human condition. The overwhelming majority of its teachings are absurd, factually incorrect, and/or unethical. Don’t take my word for it. Look at this comprehensive list of commandments in the Bible and see how many you follow.

If you still don’t believe me, then put your convictions to another test. Find a nonbeliever, and tell them what an invaluable source of wisdom the Bible is. Then read the entire chapter of Leviticus 15 out loud to them and answer their questions.

I’ve copied all 891 words of Leviticus 15 below, highlighted important parts, and added commentary between passages. If these 891 words are too insane to follow or praise in public, then open your mind to the possibility the Bible is full of equally bad advice. The more you see, the more you’ll realize the Bible is just an archaic mythology written by humans who were projecting their primitive culture into their state religion.

Leviticus 15:1-12

The Lord said to Moses and Aaron, “Speak to the Israelites and say to them: ‘When any man has an unusual bodily discharge, such a discharge is unclean. Whether it continues flowing from his body or is blocked, it will make him unclean. This is how his discharge will bring about uncleanness:

“‘Any bed the man with a discharge lies on will be unclean, and anything he sits on will be unclean. Anyone who touches his bed must wash their clothes and bathe with water, and they will be unclean till evening. Whoever sits on anything that the man with a discharge sat on must wash their clothes and bathe with water, and they will be unclean till evening.

“‘Whoever touches the man who has a discharge must wash their clothes and bathe with water, and they will be unclean till evening.

“‘If the man with the discharge spits on anyone who is clean, they must wash their clothes and bathe with water, and they will be unclean till evening.

“‘Everything the man sits on when riding will be unclean, and whoever touches any of the things that were under him will be unclean till evening; whoever picks up those things must wash their clothes and bathe with water, and they will be unclean till evening.

“‘Anyone the man with a discharge touches without rinsing his hands with water must wash their clothes and bathe with water, and they will be unclean till evening.

“‘A clay pot that the man touches must be broken, and any wooden article is to be rinsed with water.

Leviticus 15 begins with the words, “The Lord said.” So if you’re thinking about dismissing this chapter as an innocuous add-in by humans that God didn’t really mean, then you should doubt the authenticity of the 300 other verses that begin with, “The Lord said.”

When the Lord says, “unusual bodily discharge,” he’s referring to a man ejaculating without having sex. In other words, masturbating or having a wet dream. So basically, these verses are saying whenever a man has an orgasm, he’ll be dirty until he washes his clothes and takes a bath. The second to last verse in Leviticus 15 tells us why you should wash up after ejaculating: “You must keep the Israelites separate from things that make them unclean, so they will not die in their uncleanness for defiling my dwelling place, which is among them.”

https://youtu.be/PVCPhs_-PFY

Humans didn’t need God to tell us to take a bath if we’re dirty. Common sense told us that, and science backed it up with evidence. If every copy of the Bible disappeared tomorrow, we’d figure this life lesson out again. However, science wouldn’t tell us that anything a man’s horse is carrying while he’s riding dirty is taboo to touch.

More importantly, when the Bible says, “unclean,” it doesn’t just mean “physically dirty.” It means the person isn’t pure enough to stand near the presence of God, who according to the author of Leviticus, literally lived inside a large tent in the middle of a nomadic tribe’s camp. (The tent was later upgraded to a stone temple.) If you don’t believe God ever literally sat in a chair inside a tent, talking to priests, then you don’t believe the Bible.

You can tell these fraudulent priests were just writing down their own culturally-relative rules by the wording of God’s commandments because “the Lord” specifically mentions spitting on people, riding horses, and clay pots. These aren’t universal instructions. They’re cultural projections.

Leviticus 15:13-18

“‘When a man is cleansed from his discharge, he is to count off seven days for his ceremonial cleansing; he must wash his clothes and bathe himself with fresh water, and he will be clean. On the eighth day he must take two doves or two young pigeons and come before the Lord to the entrance to the tent of meeting and give them to the priest. The priest is to sacrifice them, the one for a sin offering and the other for a burnt offering. In this way he will make atonement before the Lord for the man because of his discharge.

“‘When a man has an emission of semen, he must bathe his whole body with water, and he will be unclean till evening. Any clothing or leather that has semen on it must be washed with water, and it will be unclean till evening. When a man has sexual relations with a woman and there is an emission of semen, both of them must bathe with water, and they will be unclean till evening.

It would be profoundly ignorant or disingenuous to claim God is simply educating humans on how to be hygienic in Leviticus 15 because verses 13-15 slips in a major “bait and switch.” Every time you ejaculate, you have to walk to the big tent in the middle of town where God literally sits, and you have to give a priest two birds. The priest kills one and burns it on a stone altar next to the tent so the blood fumes can waft inside and feed God. The other bird, the priest keeps and eats. You wouldn’t mind taking a shower after ejaculating, but would kill and burn a bird or pay a priest money every time you masturbated or had sex? Paying a jizz tax is exactly what the Lord is commanding in Leviticus 15.

Leviticus 15:19-32

“‘When a woman has her regular flow of blood, the impurity of her monthly period will last seven days, and anyone who touches her will be unclean till evening.

“‘Anything she lies on during her period will be unclean, and anything she sits on will be unclean. Anyone who touches her bed will be unclean; they must wash their clothes and bathe with water, and they will be unclean till evening. Anyone who touches anything she sits on will be unclean; they must wash their clothes and bathe with water, and they will be unclean till evening. Whether it is the bed or anything she was sitting on, when anyone touches it, they will be unclean till evening.

“‘If a man has sexual relations with her and her monthly flow touches him, he will be unclean for seven days; any bed he lies on will be unclean.

“‘When a woman has a discharge of blood for many days at a time other than her monthly period or has a discharge that continues beyond her period, she will be unclean as long as she has the discharge, just as in the days of her period. Any bed she lies on while her discharge continues will be unclean, as is her bed during her monthly period, and anything she sits on will be unclean, as during her period. Anyone who touches them will be unclean; they must wash their clothes and bathe with water, and they will be unclean till evening.

“‘When she is cleansed from her discharge, she must count off seven days, and after that she will be ceremonially clean. On the eighth day she must take two doves or two young pigeons and bring them to the priest at the entrance to the tent of meeting. The priest is to sacrifice one for a sin offering and the other for a burnt offering. In this way he will make atonement for her before the Lord for the uncleanness of her discharge.

“‘You must keep the Israelites separate from things that make them unclean, so they will not die in their uncleanness for defiling my dwelling place, which is among them.’”

These are the regulations for a man with a discharge, for anyone made unclean by an emission of semen, for a woman in her monthly period, for a man or a woman with a discharge, and for a man who has sexual relations with a woman who is ceremonially unclean.

You don’t need God to tell you menstrual bleeding can pose a health hazard if you don’t practice proper hygiene. Leviticus 15 takes this common sense practice to an insane extreme. First, it says any object or person a menstruating woman touches is unclean, and anyone who touches that thing or person will also be unclean. This was literally political law in the Israelite’s encampment. How would you feel if this was a law enforced by the police in your country? How would you feel if your neighbor reported you to the religious police for not turning yourself in after ejaculating or knowingly touching a clay pot after a menstruating woman held it? If you’d hate that, then you hate the Bible’s wisdom.

Equally sinister is the fact that the “cure” for menstrual uncleanliness is… you guessed it… slaughtering birds and giving priests free food. At the end of the day, the main purpose of this law, is to guarantee every woman has to pay a monthly menstrual tax to a group of fat con artists guarding a tent with a big secret inside: Nothing. Leviticus 15 isn’t wisdom written in the language of the people at the time so they could understand it. It’s a big, fat, premeditated lie invented to rob both men and women.

This isn’t an isolated incident in the Bible either. In Leviticus 13-14, the Lord commands the Israelites to pay the priests anytime you get a rash on your skin or mold in your house, and look what Leviticus 12 commands:

Leviticus 12

The Lord said to Moses, “Say to the Israelites: ‘A woman who becomes pregnant and gives birth to a son will be ceremonially unclean for seven days, just as she is unclean during her monthly period. On the eighth day the boy is to be circumcised. Then the woman must wait thirty-three days to be purified from her bleeding. She must not touch anything sacred or go to the sanctuary until the days of her purification are over. If she gives birth to a daughter, for two weeks the woman will be unclean, as during her period. Then she must wait sixty-six days to be purified from her bleeding.

“‘When the days of her purification for a son or daughter are over, she is to bring to the priest at the entrance to the tent of meeting a year-old lamb for a burnt offering and a young pigeon or a dove for a sin offering. He shall offer them before the Lord to make atonement for her, and then she will be ceremonially clean from her flow of blood.

“‘These are the regulations for the woman who gives birth to a boy or a girl. But if she cannot afford a lamb, she is to bring two doves or two young pigeons, one for a burnt offering and the other for a sin offering. In this way the priest will make atonement for her, and she will be clean.’”

Leviticus 12 is another verse in the Bible that begins with the words, “The Lord said,” and then goes onto say something retarded. Sure, it makes sense for a woman to take a bath after giving birth, but is it reasonable for her to not be allowed to touch any religious objects or go near the tent in the middle of town where God literally lives for seven days? Is it sane for a woman to be considered unclean for twice as long if she gives birth to a girl? Should you be required to give a lamb to a priest every time you have a child? If the lamb is so important, or if two birds are all God really needs, then why set different prices for rich and poor people? If someone is too poor to own a lamb, why should they have to pay a useless priest anything to atone for the “sin” of having a child?

You might be able to answer these questions, but it’s going to take a lot of mental gymnastics and making things up. I can answer any hard question in the Bible in four words, “the Bible is mythology.”

If you enjoyed this post, you’ll also like these:

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1 Comment | tags: absurd bible passages, ejaculation law bible, evil bible verses, leviticus 15, menstrual cycle tax bible, rules in levitucus, unclean period bible, unusual discharge bible | posted in The Bible is Mythology

December 29, 2017

Wise Sloth Video List: How To Think Like A Genius

By wise sloth

I prefer watching educational videos on YouTube more than watching television, but it’s tedious digging for good content, and I’ve already seen most of the good stuff while searching for videos to put in my blogs. In case anyone else is looking for entertaining educational videos on YouTube, I made a series of posts with all the ones I’ve used on The Wise Sloth, organized by topic, with links to the posts they appear in. You’re bound to be enlightentained, and if you need help exploring the 600+ essays on The Wise Sloth, these video lists offer a quick overview that practically summarize my philosophies.

This list comes from my essays on philosophy and focuses on how to think like a genius.

8 steps to becoming a genius

Enlightenment through logic

The map of everything

10 steps to winning an argument

How to solve a problem with a team

Creativity is logic, not magic.

Wisdom I learned working in IT: Nothing is magical

Wisdom I learned working in IT: Answers come from questions

If you enjoyed this post, you’ll also like these other video lists:

Leave a comment | tags: How to Think Like a Genius, intelligence, Knowledge and Learning, learning, videos, wisdom | posted in How to Think Like a Genius, Video Lists

December 28, 2017

The Value Of Hard Work In America

By wise sloth

I recently received an E-mail from a Wise Sloth fan who identified with my criticisms of America’s predatory economy and needed to vent about their experiences. The letter was so poignant, I asked if I could post it, and they gave me permission. Enjoy and tremble:

“I thought I had a secret weapon to make it in this predatory economic system where others went under. How wrong I was. I’m half-Japanese (my mom is Caucasian), and my Asian father raised me with a strong work ethic. In no way do I think this makes me better than the average American. Asians are batshit crazy, and there’s a reason Japan has one of the highest suicide rates in the world. I disagree with the people who think Americans should try to be more like the Chinese or Japanese, because it comes at a price that I don’t believe is worth it. I don’t think that level of discipline is healthy. I think it can be mental illness.

But anyway, every job I did, I took joy in finding ways to do everything twice as fast as everyone else, and I usually did the work of two people in one shift. I took (an asshole-ish) pride in it. I was still well-aware I was at a disadvantage because of not having a college degree, and I knew the jobs I was at took advantage of workers. I knew the level of output I produced was not worth the pay. But I thought it was worth it because I’d get promoted above the others, because the “lazy Americans” complained about so many things, whereas I “cheated” by working off of the clock. My father does the same thing. Not really “sneaking,” because they know we do it. In Japan, this is culturally a commonplace thing to do. How could they compete with that? It’s unheard of here. Of COURSE I would be promoted when they saw how dedicated I was!

I worked at one job as a middle manager, making $9 an hour, at a franchise store that sells glasses and contact lenses. Overtime was forbidden; they were always cutting payroll. The problem was I would be blamed if the store didn’t run properly, and it was impossible to keep the store in order only working 40 hours. So I worked 60 hours, only clocking in for 40. I can’t sue because I signed the time sheets every week. I’d lose my job if I didn’t. They wouldn’t “tell” you to work off the clock. They’d just make sure to give you an amount of work that was logistically impossible to complete in 40 hours a week, and they knew you’d be afraid of losing your job if you didn’t get it done and that you’d do whatever it took to keep your job.

To add insult to injury, even though I regularly worked 60 hours a week while only being paid for 40, when they had to cut hours, they would often send me home early, meaning some weeks I’d only be paid for 30 or 35, despite the fact the previous day I may have worked a 14-hour day and they owed me for hundreds of hours I would never be paid for. My boss constantly promised he’d look out for me and help me get a promotion, which was why I did this. Later I found out the district manager recommended me a for a general manager position at another store, and he told her no. He couldn’t afford to lose me because I did the work of two people. It would cost him too much payroll to replace me.

Soon after, I ended up in the hospital. The doctor kept increasing the antidepressants and anxiety meds that allowed me to cope with the insane pace of the job, because they’d stop working, until I developed potentially-fatal serotonin syndrome. Then I had to quit the job, so it was all for nothing. My manager was fired soon after that.

A relative of mine got a job at Walmart as a cashier. He outworked everyone else and worked his way up to general manager, making six figures. But they worked him so hard, 70 to 80 hours a week, giving him unrealistic numbers to meet, he developed high blood pressure at the age of 28. Doctors tried everything and couldn’t bring it down; medication wasn’t working. He started having panic attacks and had to go on medication. He finally quit. His blood pressure returned to normal a week later.

(Side note: I used to work for an insurance company, and the Walmart insurance plan was so bad it had its own dedicated department. You had to have special training to learn to work those claims with their special rules, and anytime anyone mentioned the name “Walmart” around the company, people would laugh. It was a running joke, like, “Those poor bastards.”)

After that, I was hired at a franchise convenience store. I didn’t know they’d recently been in the news for a class-action lawsuit for forcing employees to work off the clock. I was hired as a stocker, but after completing training and transferring to my permanent store, I was promoted to a manager my second day on the job because of how fast I worked. Same story again – the workload was impossible. The problem was, at this job, I couldn’t sneak and work off the clock to complete my work. Since the franchise had just lost a class action lawsuit and they used video cameras, if I got caught working off the clock, it would have gotten my manager in trouble; she was just as much a victim as the rest of us. I was the only worker who could complete the nightly duties because I worked at an insane pace; I had to. I had expensive medications to pay for, and I couldn’t risk losing my job.

One day they left me to run the entire store alone on the day we received our truck shipment. This meant I had to be in the front to ring all the customers, but also be in the back stockroom at the same time to receive the truck, which was absolutely insane, for 12 hours, completely alone, on a Friday, the busiest day of the week. I was proud of myself for how well I held it all together, but as soon as I clocked out and got in the car, something came over me. I’d been running off pure adrenaline, but it suddenly caught up with me, and I began to have a panic attack and cry hysterically. I knew I couldn’t go back to work, that if this level of stress continued, I’d end up in the hospital again, but if I didn’t, I wouldn’t be able to afford my very expensive medications and would become a burden to my struggling family.

I went home and attempted suicide by swallowing an entire bottle of phenobarbital, and anxiety med. I woke up in the ICU unit of the hospital, and then they transferred me to the psych ward. When I got out, my doctor cut me off of all my anxiety medications to make sure I couldn’t hurt myself with them, which meant going back to work wasn’t even an option. I’ve been turned down twice for disability, both times due to ridiculous reasons that were simple clerical errors on their part, but they succeeded in dragging the time frame out so long that now they say I’m no longer eligible because of the length of time, even though I applied well in advance of the time frame.

As I’ve mentioned in an email, I now work for less than minimum wage doing transcriptions. Despite all this, I have high hopes for the future. My success in consistently winning Pictofact contests for Cracked.com has given me hope. The point of this message isn’t to be depressing. It’s actually because I thought it might be interesting to illustrate what happens when you combine American predatory capitalism with the insane work ethic of an Asian.

American Conservatives LOVE to preach about how hard work always pays off, and poor people are lazy. But, if anything, my insane work ethic held me back because it made me unpromotable past a certain point – they couldn’t afford to replace me. It made me a scapegoat, because they began expecting more of me than the others, so when things went wrong, I’d get blamed for not saving the day. The others were expected to screw up, so it was my fault for not going above and beyond as always. Finally, the harder I worked, the less others did because they expected me to pick up the slack, so it was bad for productivity all-around.

It also taught me to get off my high horse. I was stupid to think I was better because I was willing to kill myself harder than everybody else for next-to-no pay. I thought my coworkers were lazy because they didn’t work as hard as I did, but now they still have jobs because they didn’t work themselves into a psych ward, maybe because they realized they didn’t get paid enough to do that to themselves. I realize these Americans aren’t lazy. They just realize they’re worth more than poverty-level wages. But my story should be a cautionary tale to anyone who thinks you can beat the system by working hard enough. Sorry this was so long, and thanks for listening, and thanks for all you do.

If you enjoyed this post, you’ll also like these:

Predatory Capitalism Creates Poverty

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My Tweets About Economics

4 Comments | tags: are american workers lazy, hard work pays off, how far hard work gets you, is it wise not to work hard, working in america | posted in Flaws in the Economy, Oppression in the Workplace

December 20, 2017

If You Don’t Believe What The Bible Says About Mold, Why Trust The Rest?

By wise sloth

The Book of Leviticus tells the story of Moses delivering God’s commandments to the Jews after leading them out of Egypt but before entering the promised land of Israel. According to tradition, Moses wrote the first five books of the Torah, including Leviticus, around 1,400BC, but some Biblical scholars believe it was written by multiple unknown authors over hundreds of years, and its final edits were written around 400BC. Some Biblical scholars have also found evidence Moses wasn’t a real person, and a mass exodus of Jewish slaves from Egypt never happened.

If Moses never existed, the Jewish exodus never happened, and the Torah was written by multiple authors competing to record and rewrite an oral tradition passed down over generations, then the first five books of the Bible are merely “a story that serves to define the fundamental worldview of a culture by explaining aspects of the natural world and describing the psychological and social practices and ideals of a society…” in other words, mythology. It would also be accurate to call the Bible a fraudulent work of fiction.

If you doubt this claim, then put the Bible to the test to see if you can find any evidence of primitive tribesmen projecting their culture into their religion. You can find it in every chapter of the Bible, especially the first five books. Leviticus 13-14 is a perfect example. It gives detailed instructions on how to diagnose and treat skin diseases and mold. Below, I’ve copied the verses dealing with mold infestations, highlighted important parts, and added commentary between each chapter.

Leviticus 13:47-59

Regulations About Defiling Molds

“As for any fabric that is spoiled with a defiling mold—any woolen or linen clothing, any woven or knitted material of linen or wool, any leather or anything made of leather— if the affected area in the fabric, the leather, the woven or knitted material, or any leather article, is greenish or reddish, it is a defiling mold and must be shown to the priest. The priest is to examine the affected area and isolate the article for seven days. On the seventh day he is to examine it, and if the mold has spread in the fabric, the woven or knitted material, or the leather, whatever its use, it is a persistent defiling mold; the article is unclean. He must burn the fabric, the woven or knitted material of wool or linen, or any leather article that has been spoiled; because the defiling mold is persistent, the article must be burned.

“But if, when the priest examines it, the mold has not spread in the fabric, the woven or knitted material, or the leather article, he shall order that the spoiled article be washed. Then he is to isolate it for another seven days. After the article has been washed, the priest is to examine it again, and if the mold has not changed its appearance, even though it has not spread, it is unclean. Burn it, no matter which side of the fabric has been spoiled. If, when the priest examines it, the mold has faded after the article has been washed, he is to tear the spoiled part out of the fabric, the leather, or the woven or knitted material. But if it reappears in the fabric, in the woven or knitted material, or in the leather article, it is a spreading mold; whatever has the mold must be burned. Any fabric, woven or knitted material, or any leather article that has been washed and is rid of the mold, must be washed again. Then it will be clean.”

These are the regulations concerning defiling molds in woolen or linen clothing, woven or knitted material, or any leather article, for pronouncing them clean or unclean.

Leviticus 13 says if you find green or reddish mold in a piece of wool, linen, or leather, then you’re to bring it to a priest for inspection. This is the same person you also go to see if you have a skin rash. So the priest class served as God’s spokesmen, doctors, health inspectors, and rulers. Either this is the ideal social structure as ordained by an omnipotent God, or it’s just an isolated instance of tribal theocrats doing their best to rule a herd of nomadic poor people with the limited education and resources they had at the time.

There’s some wisdom in Leviticus 13. It’s a good idea to check for mold and wash anything that might cause health hazards, but burning moldy objects is excessive, and no modern health inspector would follow the primitive instructions here for identifying mold infestations.

Leviticus 14:33-57

Cleansing From Defiling Molds

The Lord said to Moses and Aaron, “When you enter the land of Canaan, which I am giving you as your possession, and I put a spreading mold in a house in that land, the owner of the house must go and tell the priest, ‘I have seen something that looks like a defiling mold in my house.’ The priest is to order the house to be emptied before he goes in to examine the mold, so that nothing in the house will be pronounced unclean. After this the priest is to go in and inspect the house. He is to examine the mold on the walls, and if it has greenish or reddish depressions that appear to be deeper than the surface of the wall, the priest shall go out the doorway of the house and close it up for seven days. On the seventh day the priest shall return to inspect the house. If the mold has spread on the walls, he is to order that the contaminated stones be torn out and thrown into an unclean place outside the town. He must have all the inside walls of the house scraped and the material that is scraped off dumped into an unclean place outside the town. Then they are to take other stones to replace these and take new clay and plaster the house.

“If the defiling mold reappears in the house after the stones have been torn out and the house scraped and plastered, the priest is to go and examine it and, if the mold has spread in the house, it is a persistent defiling mold; the house is unclean. It must be torn down—its stones, timbers and all the plaster—and taken out of the town to an unclean place.

“Anyone who goes into the house while it is closed up will be unclean till evening. Anyone who sleeps or eats in the house must wash their clothes.

“But if the priest comes to examine it and the mold has not spread after the house has been plastered, he shall pronounce the house clean, because the defiling mold is gone. To purify the house he is to take two birds and some cedar wood, scarlet yarn and hyssop. He shall kill one of the birds over fresh water in a clay pot. Then he is to take the cedar wood, the hyssop, the scarlet yarn and the live bird, dip them into the blood of the dead bird and the fresh water, and sprinkle the house seven times. He shall purify the house with the bird’s blood, the fresh water, the live bird, the cedar wood, the hyssop and the scarlet yarn. Then he is to release the live bird in the open fields outside the town. In this way he will make atonement for the house, and it will be clean.”

These are the regulations for any defiling skin disease, for a sore, for defiling molds in fabric or in a house, and for a swelling, a rash or a shiny spot, to determine when something is clean or unclean. These are the regulations for defiling skin diseases and defiling molds.

It’s worth noting that Leviticus 14:33 begins by reiterating that these are God’s (perfect) commandments. He also casually mentions He gave Moses and Aaron the land of Canaan and put “spreading mold” in some of the houses. If you’re wondering how/why God would just give the Israelites someone else’s land and put mold in the houses, Genesis 9 and Exodus 23 provide the answer:

Genesis 9:18-29

The sons of Noah who came out of the ark were Shem, Ham and Japheth. (Ham was the father of Canaan.) These were the three sons of Noah, and from them came the people who were scattered over the whole earth. Noah, a man of the soil, proceeded to plant a vineyard. When he drank some of its wine, he became drunk and lay uncovered inside his tent. Ham, the father of Canaan, saw his father naked and told his two brothers outside. But Shem and Japheth took a garment and laid it across their shoulders; then they walked in backward and covered their father’s naked body. Their faces were turned the other way so that they would not see their father naked. When Noah awoke from his wine and found out what his youngest son had done to him, he said, “Cursed be Canaan! The lowest of slaves will he be to his brothers.” He also said, “Praise be to the Lord, the God of Shem! May Canaan be the slave of Shem. May God extend Japheth’s territory; may Japheth live in the tents of Shem, and may Canaan be the slave of Japheth.” After the flood Noah lived 350 years. Noah lived a total of 950 years, and then he died.

Exodus 23:20-30

My angel will go ahead of you and bring you into the land of the Amorites, Hittites, Perizzites, Canaanites, Hivites and Jebusites, and I will wipe them out. Do not bow down before their gods or worship them or follow their practices. You must demolish them and break their sacred stones to pieces. Worship the Lord your God, and his blessing will be on your food and water. I will take away sickness from among you, and none will miscarry or be barren in your land. I will give you a full life span. “I will send my terror ahead of you and throw into confusion every nation you encounter. I will make all your enemies turn their backs and run. I will send the hornet ahead of you to drive the Hivites, Canaanites and Hittites out of your way. But I will not drive them out in a single year, because the land would become desolate and the wild animals too numerous for you. Little by little I will drive them out before you, until you have increased enough to take possession of the land.

After God flooded the world, leaving nobody but Noah’s family alive, one of Noah’s children (Ham) saw his father naked and told his brothers about it. Then God cursed Ham’s son (Canaan) and the nation he would repopulate impossibly fast (that didn’t exist yet and Noah couldn’t have possibly known about). Then, when Noah’s other descendants needed a new home, God gave them Canaan and helped them commit ethnic cleansing against their relatives and enslave the survivors. Plus, God says He’ll take away His people’s sickness, which apparently doesn’t include mold poisoning. Is this really a god you can trust?

Getting back to God’s commandments about mold, notice how Leviticus 14:37-38 says if a priest finds mold in a house he is to close it up for seven days and then check for mold again. This is one of many statements in the Bible that are verifiably scientifically inaccurate. The worst thing you can do to treat mold is lock up your house and make it dark and damp. You know this. So you already don’t believe what the Bible says, and you won’t ever follow this rule, because you’ll die if you do.

Imagine if you called a mold inspector to your house, and he said, “Yep. Looks like you got mold on your walls, but don’t worry. All I have to do is splash a little bird blood on it and release another bird in a field, and it’ll clear that mold infestation right up.” You’d fire that person and report him to the police. I can’t even find words to express how obviously absurd it is to paint your walls with bird blood for any reason, least of all treating mold. That’s not going to solve any problem, and it’s going to create new health hazards. This is utter insanity, and you know it. If Leviticus 13-14 are too crazy for you to put your faith in, why would you dogmatically trust any other chapter in the Bible?

Picture of a dead, bloody bird and flowers tied to a piece of wood with a scarlet string

How to treat mold according to the Bible: Step 1 (Don’t try this at home.)

If you enjoyed this post, you’ll also like these:

The Bible is mythology

Christianity is Harmful to Society

Preaching, witnessing and arguing with Christians

Christian Culture

My Tweets About Religion

The Wise Sloth Topical Bible

Leave a comment | tags: absurd bible passages, absurd bible verses, christian mythology, jewish mythology, mold in the bible, scientific errors in bible, The Bible is Mythology | posted in The Bible is Mythology

December 20, 2017

If You Don’t Believe What The Bible Says About Skin Disease, Why Trust The Rest?

By wise sloth

If you doubt this claim, then put the Bible to the test to see if you can find any evidence of primitive tribesmen projecting their culture into their religion. You can find it in every chapter of the Bible, especially the first five books. Leviticus 13-14 is a perfect example. It gives detailed instructions on how to diagnose and treat skin diseases and mold. I’ve copied the verses dealing with skin diseases below, highlighted important parts, and added commentary between each section.

Leviticus 13:1-8

Regulations About Defiling Skin Diseases

The Lord said to Moses and Aaron, “When anyone has a swelling or a rash or a shiny spot on their skin that may be a defiling skin disease, they must be brought to Aaron the priest or to one of his sons who is a priest. The priest is to examine the sore on the skin, and if the hair in the sore has turned white and the sore appears to be more than skin deep, it is a defiling skin disease. When the priest examines that person, he shall pronounce them ceremonially unclean. If the shiny spot on the skin is white but does not appear to be more than skin deep and the hair in it has not turned white, the priest is to isolate the affected person for seven days. On the seventh day the priest is to examine them, and if he sees that the sore is unchanged and has not spread in the skin, he is to isolate them for another seven days. On the seventh day the priest is to examine them again, and if the sore has faded and has not spread in the skin, the priest shall pronounce them clean; it is only a rash. They must wash their clothes, and they will be clean. But if the rash does spread in their skin after they have shown themselves to the priest to be pronounced clean, they must appear before the priest again. The priest is to examine that person, and if the rash has spread in the skin, he shall pronounce them unclean; it is a defiling skin disease.

Leviticus 13 begins with the words, “The Lord said.” So if you believe the Bible is divinely inspired, you should follow the rest of the instructions verbatim. You don’t though, and you never will because the instructions in Leviticus aren’t practical, ethical, or scientifically accurate. If you don’t believe the Lord actually said these things, then you should doubt every other passage in the Bible that claims to be spoken by the Lord.

The second sentence says to bring people with skin diseases to Aaron, or one of his sons who is a priest. This is tantamount to a modern day prophet saying, “The Lord says if your car is broken, take it to Donny’s mechanic shop on 42nd street or one of Donny’s kid’s.” This is not universal, timeless instruction. It’s one person talking to his community. Nothing more.

The author also says to seek medical attention from priests, which is tantamount to a witch doctor. Jews and Christians might think I’m being hyperbolic, but I guarantee, you’ve never gone to a priest for medical advice. You go to a doctor who uses secular knowledge because it’s more accurate than a priest’s opinion.

When Aaron or one of his sons diagnoses your skin disease, he either declares you clean and lets you go, or he pronounces you unclean and quarantines you for seven days. One one level, this is primitive but practical. You don’t want contagious diseases spreading through a camp where priests use broscience to diagnose life threatening illnesses, but consider what else the tribe of Israel also considered unclean:

Leviticus 11 explains which foods are clean and unclean. Leviticus 12 says a woman (and anything she touches) is unclean for one week after giving birth to a boy and two weeks after giving birth to a girl. She is also unclean when she’s on her period. Leviticus 15 says a man (and anything he touches) is unclean for a week after having an orgasm. It also reiterates that women are unclean when they’re on their period and specifies that a man will be unclean for a week if he has sex with her during that time.

Some of these instructions are practical. You don’t want to get sick eating dirty animals, but that’s not an issue if you cook them properly. An omnipotent God would have told you that. More importantly, you would never ostracize another person or avoid touching anything they touched after starting their period, having a wet dream, or giving birth. You may claim to believe the Bible, but you don’t believe these rules.

Leviticus 13:9-39

“When anyone has a defiling skin disease, they must be brought to the priest. The priest is to examine them, and if there is a white swelling in the skin that has turned the hair white and if there is raw flesh in the swelling, it is a chronic skin disease and the priest shall pronounce them unclean. He is not to isolate them, because they are already unclean.

“If the disease breaks out all over their skin and, so far as the priest can see, it covers all the skin of the affected person from head to foot, the priest is to examine them, and if the disease has covered their whole body, he shall pronounce them clean. Since it has all turned white, they are clean. But whenever raw flesh appears on them, they will be unclean. When the priest sees the raw flesh, he shall pronounce them unclean. The raw flesh is unclean; they have a defiling disease. If the raw flesh changes and turns white, they must go to the priest. The priest is to examine them, and if the sores have turned white, the priest shall pronounce the affected person clean; then they will be clean.

“When someone has a boil on their skin and it heals, and in the place where the boil was, a white swelling or reddish-white spot appears, they must present themselves to the priest. The priest is to examine it, and if it appears to be more than skin deep and the hair in it has turned white, the priest shall pronounce that person unclean. It is a defiling skin disease that has broken out where the boil was. But if, when the priest examines it, there is no white hair in it and it is not more than skin deep and has faded, then the priest is to isolate them for seven days. If it is spreading in the skin, the priest shall pronounce them unclean; it is a defiling disease. But if the spot is unchanged and has not spread, it is only a scar from the boil, and the priest shall pronounce them clean.

“When someone has a burn on their skin and a reddish-white or white spot appears in the raw flesh of the burn, the priest is to examine the spot, and if the hair in it has turned white, and it appears to be more than skin deep, it is a defiling disease that has broken out in the burn. The priest shall pronounce them unclean; it is a defiling skin disease.But if the priest examines it and there is no white hair in the spot and if it is not more than skin deep and has faded, then the priest is to isolate them for seven days. On the seventh day the priest is to examine that person, and if it is spreading in the skin, the priest shall pronounce them unclean; it is a defiling skin disease. If, however, the spot is unchanged and has not spread in the skin but has faded, it is a swelling from the burn, and the priest shall pronounce them clean; it is only a scar from the burn.

“If a man or woman has a sore on their head or chin, the priest is to examine the sore, and if it appears to be more than skin deep and the hair in it is yellow and thin, the priest shall pronounce them unclean; it is a defiling skin disease on the head or chin. But if, when the priest examines the sore, it does not seem to be more than skin deep and there is no black hair in it, then the priest is to isolate the affected person for seven days. On the seventh day the priest is to examine the sore, and if it has not spread and there is no yellow hair in it and it does not appear to be more than skin deep, then the man or woman must shave themselves, except for the affected area, and the priest is to keep them isolated another seven days. On the seventh day the priest is to examine the sore, and if it has not spread in the skin and appears to be no more than skin deep, the priest shall pronounce them clean. They must wash their clothes, and they will be clean. But if the sore does spread in the skin after they are pronounced clean, the priest is to examine them, and if he finds that the sore has spread in the skin, he does not need to look for yellow hair; they are unclean. If, however, the sore is unchanged so far as the priest can see, and if black hair has grown in it, the affected person is healed. They are clean, and the priest shall pronounce them clean.

“When a man or woman has white spots on the skin, the priest is to examine them, and if the spots are dull white, it is a harmless rash that has broken out on the skin; they are clean.

Leviticus 13:9-39 lists six skin conditions you should see a priest about and how the priest should diagnose the progression of the disease. Each set of instructions is laughably unscientific. Notice how the Bible says, “If the disease breaks out all over their skin and, so far as the priest can see, it covers all the skin of the affected person from head to foot…” Ask yourself honestly if that sounds more like something an all-knowing God would say or a quack doctor covering his ass? You would never put the life of your loved ones in the hands of someone with such amateur medical training. So why would you trust the same person’s spiritual expertise? The answer is, you already don’t.

Leviticus 13:40-45

“A man who has lost his hair and is bald is clean. If he has lost his hair from the front of his scalp and has a bald forehead, he is clean. But if he has a reddish-white sore on his bald head or forehead, it is a defiling disease breaking out on his head or forehead. The priest is to examine him, and if the swollen sore on his head or forehead is reddish-white like a defiling skin disease, the man is diseased and is unclean. The priest shall pronounce him unclean because of the sore on his head.

“Anyone with such a defiling disease must wear torn clothes, let their hair be unkempt, cover the lower part of their face and cry out, ‘Unclean! Unclean!’ As long as they have the disease they remain unclean. They must live alone; they must live outside the camp.

Imagine if a bald man you love and respect told you they went to the doctor to have a sun spot on their head checked out, and the doctor diagnosed him as unclean and legally sentenced him to leave the city indefinitely, wear torn clothes, let his hair be unkempt, cover the lower part of his face, and shout “Unclean! Unclean!” when anyone approached him. I guarantee your response wouldn’t be, “Well, the Bible says that’s what you’re supposed to do. You just have to have faith. Now get out of town.”

Leviticus 14:1-7

Cleansing From Defiling Skin Diseases

The Lord said to Moses, “These are the regulations for any diseased person at the time of their ceremonial cleansing, when they are brought to the priest: The priest is to go outside the camp and examine them. If they have been healed of their defiling skin disease, the priest shall order that two live clean birds and some cedar wood, scarlet yarn and hyssop be brought for the person to be cleansed. Then the priest shall order that one of the birds be killed over fresh water in a clay pot. He is then to take the live bird and dip it, together with the cedar wood, the scarlet yarn and the hyssop, into the blood of the bird that was killed over the fresh water. Seven times he shall sprinkle the one to be cleansed of the defiling disease, and then pronounce them clean. After that, he is to release the live bird in the open fields.

Imagine if you went to a doctor for a rash, and the doctor said, “It looks pretty bad. So meet me outside of town, and bring two birds, some cedar wood, scarlet yarn, hyssop, and a clay pot. I’m going to kill one of the birds and wipe its blood on your rash. Then we’re going to let the other bird go, and you should be fine.” If this still doesn’t sound like mythology to you, then you’re trying painfully hard to deny the obvious. Even if you can justify this, you’re still not going to obey it, because you don’t really believe it.

Leviticus 14:8-9

“The person to be cleansed must wash their clothes, shave off all their hair and bathe with water; then they will be ceremonially clean. After this they may come into the camp, but they must stay outside their tent for seven days. On the seventh day they must shave off all their hair; they must shave their head, their beard, their eyebrows and the rest of their hair. They must wash their clothes and bathe themselves with water, and they will be clean.

If a doctor said you need to wash your clothes to clean any infectious bacteria out of it, you’d comply. That’s just common sense. However, if your doctor told you that you have to shave off all your body hair and live outside your tent for seven days, you’d never ask them for any advice ever again, and you’d tell everyone you know to avoid the unqualified psycho witch doctor. So why would you share the Bible with other people and tell them they have to base their life on a book you don’t, won’t, and can’t follow?

Leviticus 14:10-20

“On the eighth day they must bring two male lambs and one ewe lamb a year old, each without defect, along with three-tenths of an ephah of the finest flour mixed with olive oil for a grain offering, and one log of oil.The priest who pronounces them clean shall present both the one to be cleansed and their offerings before the Lord at the entrance to the tent of meeting.

“Then the priest is to take one of the male lambs and offer it as a guilt offering, along with the log of oil; he shall wave them before the Lord as a wave offering. He is to slaughter the lamb in the sanctuary area where the sin offering and the burnt offering are slaughtered. Like the sin offering, the guilt offering belongs to the priest; it is most holy. The priest is to take some of the blood of the guilt offering and put it on the lobe of the right ear of the one to be cleansed, on the thumb of their right hand and on the big toe of their right foot. The priest shall then take some of the log of oil, pour it in the palm of his own left hand, dip his right forefinger into the oil in his palm, and with his finger sprinkle some of it before the Lord seven times. The priest is to put some of the oil remaining in his palm on the lobe of the right ear of the one to be cleansed, on the thumb of their right hand and on the big toe of their right foot, on top of the blood of the guilt offering. The rest of the oil in his palm the priest shall put on the head of the one to be cleansed and make atonement for them before the Lord.

“Then the priest is to sacrifice the sin offering and make atonement for the one to be cleansed from their uncleanness. After that, the priest shall slaughter the burnt offering and offer it on the altar, together with the grain offering, and make atonement for them, and they will be clean.

If, after reading Leviticus 13, you’re wondering why the nomadic priest doctors of ancient Israel made medical treatment into such a convoluted religious/legal matter, Leviticus 14 provides the answer. In order to be declared clean and thus allowed to re-enter the city and your home, you have to bring your priest/doctor/ruler a bunch of free food. He slaughters your animals on an altar to feed God, wipes some of the animal’s blood on your right ear and big toe, and then keeps the rest of your food for himself. Basically, the Jewish priest class designed their healthcare system to exploit their community.

Drawing of a priest standing in front of Yahweh's altar burning a cow.

Pictured above: Not a doctor

Leviticus 14:11-32

“If, however, they are poor and cannot afford these, they must take one male lamb as a guilt offering to be waved to make atonement for them, together with a tenth of an ephah of the finest flour mixed with olive oil for a grain offering, a log of oil, and two doves or two young pigeons, such as they can afford, one for a sin offering and the other for a burnt offering.

“On the eighth day they must bring them for their cleansing to the priest at the entrance to the tent of meeting, before the Lord. The priest is to take the lamb for the guilt offering, together with the log of oil, and wave them before the Lord as a wave offering. He shall slaughter the lamb for the guilt offering and take some of its blood and put it on the lobe of the right ear of the one to be cleansed, on the thumb of their right hand and on the big toe of their right foot. The priest is to pour some of the oil into the palm of his own left hand, and with his right forefinger sprinkle some of the oil from his palm seven times before the Lord. Some of the oil in his palm he is to put on the same places he put the blood of the guilt offering—on the lobe of the right ear of the one to be cleansed, on the thumb of their right hand and on the big toe of their right foot. The rest of the oil in his palm the priest shall put on the head of the one to be cleansed, to make atonement for them before the Lord.Then he shall sacrifice the doves or the young pigeons, such as the person can afford, one as a sin offering and the other as a burnt offering, together with the grain offering. In this way the priest will make atonement before the Lord on behalf of the one to be cleansed.”

These are the regulations for anyone who has a defiling skin disease and who cannot afford the regular offerings for their cleansing.

It should seem odd that God requires animal sacrifices to let you back in the city after getting a rash. It’s even more suspicious that God will waive part of the fee if you’re too poor to provide a full-grown, unblemished ox. It makes much more sense that the rulers of the city are just squeezing as much as they can out of their citizens according to their pay grade. It just goes to show how greedy they are that they specify poor people still have to bring them offers of the “finest flour” before they’ll be allowed back in their house.

You wouldn’t comply with these archaic rules, and you’d report any doctor who asks for goats and pigeons as payment to the police. The amount of mental gymnastics you’d have to do to justify God’s instructions in Leviticus would drive you insane, and you still wouldn’t follow the rules. This should make you wonder what else the Bible says that you don’t believe and why you’re pretending you do.

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December 19, 2017

If You Don’t Know Ezekiel 43-48, You Don’t Know Yahweh

By wise sloth

The Book of Ezekiel was supposedly written by a Jewish prophet named Ezekiel, who lived in Babylon in 622BC-570BC. During Ezekiel’s life, Babylon conquered Judah, destroyed the Jewish Temple, and exiled many Jews from their homeland. While living abroad, Ezekiel claimed to have received visions from God giving him instructions to build a new temple and new rules for how it should be run. The Book of Ezekiel is his recounting of his conversation with God.

Artist’s rendition of the temple God told Ezekiel to build for Him.

Some Biblical scholars suspect the book was modified by multiple unknown authors at later dates, making it difficult, if not impossible, to know which passages are originals and which have been manipulated. There’s also plenty of evidence within the book itself to suggest it was not divinely inspired. Below is the full text of Ezekiel 43-46, and parts of Ezekiel 48. I’ve highlighted verses in bold that raise doubt about the divinity of the Bible, and I elaborate on them after each section.

Ezekiel 43:1-9

Then the man brought me to the gate facing east, and I saw the glory of the God of Israel coming from the east. His voice was like the roar of rushing waters, and the land was radiant with his glory. The vision I saw was like the vision I had seen when he came to destroy the city and like the visions I had seen by the Kebar River, and I fell face down. The glory of the Lord entered the temple through the gate facing east. Then the Spirit lifted me up and brought me into the inner court, and the glory of the Lord filled the temple.

While the man was standing beside me, I heard someone speaking to me from inside the temple. He said: “Son of man, this is the place of my throne and the place for the soles of my feet. This is where I will live among the Israelites forever. The people of Israel will never again defile my holy name—neither they nor their kings—by their prostitution and the funeral offerings for their kings at their death. When they placed their threshold next to my threshold and their doorposts beside my doorposts, with only a wall between me and them, they defiled my holy name by their detestable practices. So I destroyed them in my anger. Now let them put away from me their prostitution and the funeral offerings for their kings, and I will live among them forever.

The first nine verses of Ezekiel 43 tell us four things about Yahweh. One, He is literally here on Earth, walking around, and sitting on a throne in a private room. Two, He is an angry god who kills disobedient followers. Three, He intended to live among humans, sitting on a stone throne forever. Four, God did not divinely inspire the book of Ezekiel, because Ezekiel’s prophecies never came true. The Jews built a second Temple, but it wasn’t designed to Ezekiel’s specifications, and the Romans destroyed it in 70AD. So much for “forever.”

Ezekiel 43:10-27

“Son of man, describe the temple to the people of Israel, that they may be ashamed of their sins. Let them consider its perfection, and if they are ashamed of all they have done, make known to them the design of the temple—its arrangement, its exits and entrances—its whole design and all its regulations and laws. Write these down before them so that they may be faithful to its design and follow all its regulations.

“This is the law of the temple: All the surrounding area on top of the mountain will be most holy. Such is the law of the temple.

“These are the measurements of the altar in long cubits, that cubit being a cubit and a handbreadth: Its gutter is a cubit deep and a cubit wide, with a rim of one span around the edge. And this is the height of the altar: From the gutter on the ground up to the lower ledge that goes around the altar it is two cubits high, and the ledge is a cubit wide. From this lower ledge to the upper ledge that goes around the altar it is four cubits high, and that ledge is also a cubit wide. Above that, the altar hearth is four cubits high, and four horns project upward from the hearth. The altar hearth is square, twelve cubits long and twelve cubits wide. The upper ledge also is square, fourteen cubits long and fourteen cubits wide. All around the altar is a gutter of one cubit with a rim of half a cubit. The steps of the altar face east.”

Then he said to me, “Son of man, this is what the Sovereign Lord says: These will be the regulations for sacrificing burnt offerings and splashing blood against the altar when it is built: You are to give a young bull as a sin offering to the Levitical priests of the family of Zadok, who come near to minister before me, declares the Sovereign Lord. You are to take some of its blood and put it on the four horns of the altar and on the four corners of the upper ledge and all around the rim, and so purify the altar and make atonement for it. You are to take the bull for the sin offering and burn it in the designated part of the temple area outside the sanctuary.

“On the second day you are to offer a male goat without defect for a sin offering, and the altar is to be purified as it was purified with the bull. When you have finished purifying it, you are to offer a young bull and a ram from the flock, both without defect. You are to offer them before the Lord, and the priests are to sprinkle salt on them and sacrifice them as a burnt offering to the Lord.

“For seven days you are to provide a male goat daily for a sin offering; you are also to provide a young bull and a ram from the flock, both without defect. For seven days they are to make atonement for the altar and cleanse it; thus they will dedicate it. At the end of these days, from the eighth day on, the priests are to present your burnt offerings and fellowship offerings on the altar. Then I will accept you, declares the Sovereign Lord.”

Yahweh commanded the Jews to prepare an altar where people could burn food for Him to feast on by smearing it with the blood of animals for seven days. From the eighth day onward, the altar would be open for sacrificial business. There’s no mention of God planning on leaving His Temple, coming back to Earth in human form as Jesus, or sacrificing Himself to Himself to eliminate the need for animal sacrifices. According to Ezekiel, Yahweh’s house will just be drenched in blood and soot from burnt flesh forever.

Ezekiel 44:1-5

Then the man brought me back to the outer gate of the sanctuary, the one facing east, and it was shut. The Lord said to me, “This gate is to remain shut. It must not be opened; no one may enter through it. It is to remain shut because the Lord, the God of Israel, has entered through it. The prince himself is the only one who may sit inside the gateway to eat in the presence of the Lord. He is to enter by way of the portico of the gateway and go out the same way.”

Then the man brought me by way of the north gate to the front of the temple. I looked and saw the glory of the Lord filling the temple of the Lord, and I fell face down.

Ezekiel 44 reconfirms Ezekiel 43’s claim that God is physically present in the Temple since he entered through a gate. Some people claim the gate is a metaphor, and Jesus is the prince who alone will be able to enter the presence of the Lord. Biblical scholars don’t know who the prince really is, but the rest of the Book of Ezekiel makes it clear he was supposed to be a real person who lived in the Temple, owned land, and made traditional animal and grain sacrifices to Yahweh.

Ezekiel 44:6-9

The Lord said to me, “Son of man, look carefully, listen closely and give attention to everything I tell you concerning all the regulations and instructions regarding the temple of the Lord. Give attention to the entrance to the temple and all the exits of the sanctuary. Say to rebellious Israel, ‘This is what the Sovereign Lord says: Enough of your detestable practices, people of Israel! In addition to all your other detestable practices, you brought foreigners uncircumcised in heart and flesh into my sanctuary, desecrating my temple while you offered me food, fat and blood, and you broke my covenant. Instead of carrying out your duty in regard to my holy things, you put others in charge of my sanctuary. This is what the Sovereign Lord says: No foreigner uncircumcised in heart and flesh is to enter my sanctuary, not even the foreigners who live among the Israelites.

This passage reconfirms a common theme in the Bible of God being racist. He didn’t just choose the Jews to be his chosen people to spread His good word to the world. Yahweh viewed all foreigners as second-class humans. In His racist tirade, He also casually reconfirms the purpose of sacrificing animals on an altar: to feed Him with blood and fat.

Ezekiel 44:7-31

“‘The Levites who went far from me when Israel went astray and who wandered from me after their idols must bear the consequences of their sin. They may serve in my sanctuary, having charge of the gates of the temple and serving in it; they may slaughter the burnt offerings and sacrifices for the people and stand before the people and serve them. But because they served them in the presence of their idols and made the people of Israel fall into sin, therefore I have sworn with uplifted hand that they must bear the consequences of their sin, declares the Sovereign Lord. They are not to come near to serve me as priests or come near any of my holy things or my most holy offerings; they must bear the shame of their detestable practices. And I will appoint them to guard the temple for all the work that is to be done in it.

“‘But the Levitical priests, who are descendants of Zadok and who guarded my sanctuary when the Israelites went astray from me, are to come near to minister before me; they are to stand before me to offer sacrifices of fat and blood, declares the Sovereign Lord. They alone are to enter my sanctuary; they alone are to come near my table to minister before me and serve me as guards.

“‘When they enter the gates of the inner court, they are to wear linen clothes; they must not wear any woolen garment while ministering at the gates of the inner court or inside the temple. They are to wear linen turbans on their heads and linen undergarments around their waists. They must not wear anything that makes them perspire. When they go out into the outer court where the people are, they are to take off the clothes they have been ministering in and are to leave them in the sacred rooms, and put on other clothes, so that the people are not consecrated through contact with their garments.

“‘They must not shave their heads or let their hair grow long, but they are to keep the hair of their heads trimmed. No priest is to drink wine when he enters the inner court. They must not marry widows or divorced women; they may marry only virgins of Israelite descent or widows of priests. They are to teach my people the difference between the holy and the common and show them how to distinguish between the unclean and the clean.

“‘In any dispute, the priests are to serve as judges and decide it according to my ordinances. They are to keep my laws and my decrees for all my appointed festivals, and they are to keep my Sabbaths holy.

“‘A priest must not defile himself by going near a dead person; however, if the dead person was his father or mother, son or daughter, brother or unmarried sister, then he may defile himself. After he is cleansed, he must wait seven days. On the day he goes into the inner court of the sanctuary to minister in the sanctuary, he is to offer a sin offering for himself, declares the Sovereign Lord.

“‘I am to be the only inheritance the priests have. You are to give them no possession in Israel; I will be their possession. They will eat the grain offerings, the sin offerings and the guilt offerings; and everything in Israel devoted to the Lord will belong to them. The best of all the first fruits and of all your special gifts will belong to the priests. You are to give them the first portion of your ground meal so that a blessing may rest on your household. The priests must not eat anything, whether bird or animal, found dead or torn by wild animals.

If you’re confused why God would need a brick and mortar house with a blood-stained altar, the final verses of Ezekiel 44 hint at a plausible explanation. Yahweh fires his old priests and gives them grunt work to do around the Temple. He specifically says they can’t have any of His best stuff. Then He promotes another order of priests to serve him fat and blood at his table. They are to wear the best clothes, marry the best wives, act as heads of state, avoid doing dirty work, and even though they’re not supposed to own anything, they get to eat all the best food brought to the Temple by worshipers.

According to tradition, Ezekiel was a member of the order of priests who got demoted. If this is true, then Ezekiel wasn’t writing down instructions that would conveniently benefit him. However, we don’t know if Ezekiel was a real person or if these instructions were added later. The simplest explanation is they were written by someone who planned to benefit from them.

Ezekiel 45:1-12

“‘When you allot the land as an inheritance, you are to present to the Lord a portion of the land as a sacred district, 25,000 cubits long and 20,000 cubits wide; the entire area will be holy. Of this, a section 500 cubits square is to be for the sanctuary, with 50 cubits around it for open land. In the sacred district, measure off a section 25,000 cubits long and 10,000 cubits wide. In it will be the sanctuary, the Most Holy Place. It will be the sacred portion of the land for the priests, who minister in the sanctuary and who draw near to minister before the Lord. It will be a place for their houses as well as a holy place for the sanctuary. An area 25,000 cubits long and 10,000 cubits wide will belong to the Levites, who serve in the temple, as their possession for towns to live in.

“‘You are to give the city as its property an area 5,000 cubits wide and 25,000 cubits long, adjoining the sacred portion; it will belong to all Israel.

“‘The prince will have the land bordering each side of the area formed by the sacred district and the property of the city. It will extend westward from the west side and eastward from the east side, running lengthwise from the western to the eastern border parallel to one of the tribal portions. This land will be his possession in Israel. And my princes will no longer oppress my people but will allow the people of Israel to possess the land according to their tribes.

“‘This is what the Sovereign Lord says: You have gone far enough, princes of Israel! Give up your violence and oppression and do what is just and right. Stop dispossessing my people, declares the Sovereign Lord. You are to use accurate scales, an accurate ephah and an accurate bath. The ephah and the bath are to be the same size, the bath containing a tenth of a homer and the ephah a tenth of a homer; the homer is to be the standard measure for both. The shekel is to consist of twenty gerahs. Twenty shekels plus twenty-five shekels plus fifteen shekels equal one mina.

Ezekiel, speaking for Yahweh, reconfirms again that the priest class literally comes near God in the Temple. Then He orders a private gated community to be built for the humble priestly class that is bigger than the public area allotted to the rest of the inhabitants of the city.

Yahweh also gives a huge allotment of land to the mystery prince who will rule Israel and specifically orders future princes to use accurate weights and measurements for money and goods. These are secular privileges and duties that don’t fit Jesus’s narratives and that Jesus never mentioned.

Ezekiel 45:12-25

“‘This is the special gift you are to offer: a sixth of an ephah from each homer of wheat and a sixth of an ephah from each homer of barley. The prescribed portion of olive oil, measured by the bath, is a tenth of a bathfrom each cor (which consists of ten baths or one homer, for ten baths are equivalent to a homer). Also one sheep is to be taken from every flock of two hundred from the well-watered pastures of Israel. These will be used for the grain offerings, burnt offerings and fellowship offerings to make atonement for the people, declares the Sovereign Lord. All the people of the land will be required to give this special offering to the prince in Israel. It will be the duty of the prince to provide the burnt offerings, grain offerings and drink offerings at the festivals, the New Moons and the Sabbaths—at all the appointed festivals of Israel. He will provide the sin offerings, grain offerings, burnt offerings and fellowship offerings to make atonement for the Israelites.

“‘This is what the Sovereign Lord says: In the first month on the first day you are to take a young bull without defect and purify the sanctuary. The priest is to take some of the blood of the sin offering and put it on the doorposts of the temple, on the four corners of the upper ledge of the altar and on the gateposts of the inner court. You are to do the same on the seventh day of the month for anyone who sins unintentionally or through ignorance; so you are to make atonement for the temple.

“‘In the first month on the fourteenth day you are to observe the Passover, a festival lasting seven days, during which you shall eat bread made without yeast. On that day the prince is to provide a bull as a sin offering for himself and for all the people of the land. Every day during the seven days of the festival he is to provide seven bulls and seven rams without defect as a burnt offering to the Lord, and a male goat for a sin offering. He is to provide as a grain offering an ephah for each bull and an ephah for each ram, along with a hin of olive oil for each ephah.

“‘During the seven days of the festival, which begins in the seventh month on the fifteenth day, he is to make the same provision for sin offerings, burnt offerings, grain offerings and oil.

Ezekiel 44:13-25 goes on to specify that the prince will personally offer burnt animals, food, and drinks to Yahweh during Israel’s annual festivals, which implies the prince isn’t Jesus, and Yahweh had no plans of eliminating the need for animal sacrifices.

Ezekiel 46:1-12

“‘This is what the Sovereign Lord says: The gate of the inner courtfacing east is to be shut on the six working days, but on the Sabbath day and on the day of the New Moon it is to be opened. The prince is to enter from the outside through the portico of the gateway and stand by the gatepost. The priests are to sacrifice his burnt offering and his fellowship offerings. He is to bow down in worship at the threshold of the gateway and then go out, but the gate will not be shut until evening. On the Sabbaths and New Moons the people of the land are to worship in the presence of the Lord at the entrance of that gateway. The burnt offering the prince brings to the Lord on the Sabbath day is to be six male lambs and a ram, all without defect. The grain offering given with the ram is to be an ephah, and the grain offering with the lambs is to be as much as he pleases, along with a hin of olive oil for each ephah. On the day of the New Moon he is to offer a young bull, six lambs and a ram, all without defect. He is to provide as a grain offering one ephah with the bull, one ephah with the ram, and with the lambs as much as he wants to give, along with a hin of oil for each ephah. When the prince enters, he is to go in through the portico of the gateway, and he is to come out the same way.

“‘When the people of the land come before the Lord at the appointed festivals, whoever enters by the north gate to worship is to go out the south gate; and whoever enters by the south gate is to go out the north gate. No one is to return through the gate by which they entered, but each is to go out the opposite gate. The prince is to be among them, going in when they go in and going out when they go out. At the feasts and the appointed festivals, the grain offering is to be an ephah with a bull, an ephah with a ram, and with the lambs as much as he pleases, along with a hin of oil for each ephah.

“‘When the prince provides a freewill offering to the Lord—whether a burnt offering or fellowship offerings—the gate facing east is to be opened for him. He shall offer his burnt offering or his fellowship offerings as he does on the Sabbath day. Then he shall go out, and after he has gone out, the gate will be shut.

“‘Every day you are to provide a year-old lamb without defect for a burnt offering to the Lord; morning by morning you shall provide it. You are also to provide with it morning by morning a grain offering, consisting of a sixth of an ephah with a third of a hin of oil to moisten the flour. The presenting of this grain offering to the Lord is a lasting ordinance. So the lamb and the grain offering and the oil shall be provided morning by morning for a regular burnt offering.

The first half of Ezekiel 46 reconfirms repeatedly that Yahweh requires blood sacrifices, which will be cooked for him by human priests. Take a moment and contemplate how much blood will be spilled in Ezekiel’s Temple. If you could visit this place, you wouldn’t witness an ancient, beautiful, powerful, metaphorical, quaint ritual. You would see a blood-stained slaughter house full of screams, where skinny, poor people give their best food to fat priests guarding an empty room.

Ezekiel 46:13-24

“‘This is what the Sovereign Lord says: If the prince makes a gift from his inheritance to one of his sons, it will also belong to his descendants; it is to be their property by inheritance. If, however, he makes a gift from his inheritance to one of his servants, the servant may keep it until the year of freedom; then it will revert to the prince. His inheritance belongs to his sons only; it is theirs. The prince must not take any of the inheritance of the people, driving them off their property. He is to give his sons their inheritance out of his own property, so that not one of my people will be separated from their property.’”

Then the man brought me through the entrance at the side of the gate to the sacred rooms facing north, which belonged to the priests, and showed me a place at the western end. He said to me, “This is the place where the priests are to cook the guilt offering and the sin offering and bake the grain offering, to avoid bringing them into the outer court and consecrating the people.”

He then brought me to the outer court and led me around to its four corners, and I saw in each corner another court. In the four corners of the outer court were enclosed courts, forty cubits long and thirty cubits wide; each of the courts in the four corners was the same size. Around the inside of each of the four courts was a ledge of stone, with places for fire built all around under the ledge. He said to me, “These are the kitchens where those who minister at the temple are to cook the sacrifices of the people.”

The second half of Ezekiel 46 reconfirms repeatedly that the prince and his priests are to have lucrative special privileges and private living areas where the commoners won’t be able to see the opulence God’s “servants” live in. If this doesn’t sound like made-up, self-serving bullshit to you yet, then you must be trying to deny the obvious.

Ezekiel 48:1-22

“These are the tribes, listed by name: At the northern frontier, Dan will have one portion; it will follow the Hethlon road to Lebo Hamath; Hazar Enan and the northern border of Damascus next to Hamath will be part of its border from the east side to the west side.

“Asher will have one portion; it will border the territory of Dan from east to west.

“Naphtali will have one portion; it will border the territory of Asher from east to west.

“Manasseh will have one portion; it will border the territory of Naphtali from east to west.

“Ephraim will have one portion; it will border the territory of Manassehfrom east to west.

“Reuben will have one portion; it will border the territory of Ephraim from east to west.

“Judah will have one portion; it will border the territory of Reuben from east to west.

“Bordering the territory of Judah from east to west will be the portion you are to present as a special gift. It will be 25,000 cubits wide, and its length from east to west will equal one of the tribal portions; the sanctuary will be in the center of it.

“The special portion you are to offer to the Lord will be 25,000 cubits long and 10,000 cubits wide. This will be the sacred portion for the priests. It will be 25,000 cubits long on the north side, 10,000 cubits wide on the west side, 10,000 cubits wide on the east side and 25,000 cubits long on the south side. In the center of it will be the sanctuary of the Lord. This will be for the consecrated priests, the Zadokites, who were faithful in serving me and did not go astray as the Levites did when the Israelites went astray. It will be a special gift to them from the sacred portion of the land, a most holy portion, bordering the territory of the Levites.

“Alongside the territory of the priests, the Levites will have an allotment 25,000 cubits long and 10,000 cubits wide. Its total length will be 25,000 cubits and its width 10,000 cubits. They must not sell or exchange any of it. This is the best of the land and must not pass into other hands, because it is holy to the Lord.

“The remaining area, 5,000 cubits wide and 25,000 cubits long, will be for the common use of the city, for houses and for pastureland. The city will be in the center of it and will have these measurements: the north side 4,500 cubits, the south side 4,500 cubits, the east side 4,500 cubits, and the west side 4,500 cubits. The pastureland for the city will be 250 cubits on the north, 250 cubits on the south, 250 cubits on the east, and 250 cubits on the west. What remains of the area, bordering on the sacred portion and running the length of it, will be 10,000 cubits on the east side and 10,000 cubits on the west side. Its produce will supply food for the workers of the city. The workers from the city who farm it will come from all the tribes of Israel. The entire portion will be a square, 25,000 cubits on each side. As a special gift you will set aside the sacred portion, along with the property of the city.

“What remains on both sides of the area formed by the sacred portion and the property of the city will belong to the prince. It will extend eastward from the 25,000 cubits of the sacred portion to the eastern border, and westward from the 25,000 cubits to the western border. Both these areas running the length of the tribal portions will belong to the prince, and the sacred portion with the temple sanctuary will be in the center of them. So the property of the Levites and the property of the city will lie in the center of the area that belongs to the prince. The area belonging to the prince will lie between the border of Judah and the border of Benjamin.

Ezekiel reiterates that the prince and priests should be given, not only the best land in the city, but more of it than anyone else, and ownership can never be transferred from the priest’s family line. If you still don’t suspect this book was written by a cult leader trying (and failing) to trick a nation into spoiling him rotten, how much more would a false prophet have to ask for before you question his motives?

Ezekiel 48:30-35

“These will be the exits of the city: Beginning on the north side, which is 4,500 cubits long, the gates of the city will be named after the tribes of Israel. The three gates on the north side will be the gate of Reuben, the gate of Judah and the gate of Levi.

“On the east side, which is 4,500 cubits long, will be three gates: the gate of Joseph, the gate of Benjamin and the gate of Dan.

“On the south side, which measures 4,500 cubits, will be three gates: the gate of Simeon, the gate of Issachar and the gate of Zebulun.

“On the west side, which is 4,500 cubits long, will be three gates: the gate of Gad, the gate of Asher and the gate of Naphtali.

“The distance all around will be 18,000 cubits.

“And the name of the city from that time on will be: the Lord is there.”

The last sentence of the Book of Ezekiel reconfirms one more time, just in case you still think the author is speaking metaphorically, that Yahweh literally lives in a brick and mortar house somewhere in the Middle East. Like most of the Old Testament, The Book of Ezekiel is a train wreck of archaic, barbaric, primitive customs we would laugh at other cultures for believing are divine. If you already don’t believe in some of the nonsense in the Bible, then apply the same common sense to the rest of the book.

If you feel like I’m taking Ezekiel 43-48 out of context by leaving out the first part of the book, watch this dramatic reenactment. It will only strengthen my argument that The Book of Ezekiel is the incoherent ramblings of a primitive religious fanatic making up stories:

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Leave a comment | tags: bible skepticism, blood sacrifices judaism, book of ezekiel, christian mythology, jesus prince ezekiel, jewish mythology, jewish temple, The Bible is Mythology | posted in The Bible is Mythology

December 15, 2017

Wise Sloth Video List: Education

By wise sloth

This list comes from my essays on education and focuses on the importance of knowledge and improving public school systems.

Education is the silver bullet to the world’s problems

The value of knowledge

The glass ceiling of higher education

It’s time to stop oppressing the academically disinclined

We need to do more to help people get the job they’re suited for

The quality of our leaders reflects the quality of our higher education system

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1 Comment | tags: Education, improving school, lists, videos, youtube | posted in Education, Video Lists

December 11, 2017

Comparison Of Film Script Plot Structure Outlines

By wise sloth

This chart is an amalgamation of dozens of film script plot outlines I found on the internet, mostly on Pinterest. By putting these charts next to each other, you can see patterns, but it also becomes obvious there’s no single correct plot structure. Each outline focuses on different aspects of different kinds of stories with varying levels of detail. Many of the outlines and plot points I found were modified versions of other people’s, which is all the more reason not to put your full faith in any one source’s method.

Click here to view the spreadsheet in Google Docs

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Master spreadsheet of all movie break downs (on Google Docs)
American Beauty
Avatar (Spreadsheet)
Avatar (Text)
The Avengers
Back to the Future
Bladerunner
Good Will Hunting (Spreadsheet)
Good Will Hunting (Text)
Inception
Jurassic Park
Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
The Shawshank Redemption
Snatch
Star Wars: A New Hope
Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back
Star Wars: Return of the Jedi

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1 Comment | tags: comparison of formula plots, formula plot story boards, movie break down, movie plot template, screenplay outline | posted in Formula Plot Templates, Screenwriting

December 11, 2017

The Wise Sloth

Screenwriting for Movies

Screenwriting for TV

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Movie plot break downs

TV plot break downs

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Writing tips

Blogging

Art

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The Bible is mythology

Christianity is Harmful to Society

Preaching, witnessing and arguing with Christians

Christian Culture

My Tweets About Religion

The Wise Sloth Topical Bible

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Predatory Capitalism Creates Poverty

Socialism and Communism

The Life of the Rich

The Life of the Poor

Oppression in the Workplace

Success and Retirement

The Housing Market

Healthcare in America

The Stock Market

Banks

Taxes

Cryptocurrency

Fixing the Economy

My Tweets About Economics

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Leviticus 13:47-59

Regulations About Defiling Molds

Leviticus 14:33-57

Cleansing From Defiling Molds

The Bible is mythology

Christianity is Harmful to Society

Preaching, witnessing and arguing with Christians

Christian Culture

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Leviticus 13:1-8

Regulations About Defiling Skin Diseases

Leviticus 13:9-39

Leviticus 13:40-45

Leviticus 14:1-7

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Leviticus 14:8-9

Leviticus 14:10-20

Leviticus 14:11-32

The Bible is mythology

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Christian Culture

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Ezekiel 43:1-9

Ezekiel 43:10-27

Ezekiel 44:1-5

Ezekiel 44:6-9

Ezekiel 44:7-31

The Bible is mythology

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