Tag Archives: webcomic

October 1, 2017

An Old Man From Jersey Explains: Religions

By wise sloth

This is a mini-series of comics about a naive but curious ten-year-old boy who pesters a crude but wise old man while he sits on the steps to their dingy New Jersey apartment building trying to read the newspaper.

 

An old man sits on the steps to his dingy New Jersey apartment reading a newspaper. A naive but curious ten year old boy stands on the grass nearby pestering him with questions.

If you enjoyed this post, you’ll also like these:

 

An Old Man From Jersey Explains Life

TRANSCRIPT

 

KID

Hey, mister!

OLD MAN

What do you want, kid?

KID

Can you explain religion to me?

OLD MAN

Which one?

KID

…all of them.

OLD MAN

Well Christians say Hindus worship mythology, and Hindus say Christians worship mythology. Mormons say Muslims worship mythology, and Muslims say Mormons worship mythology…

KID

Hold the phone. Are you saying all religion is mythology?

OLD MAN

I’m just pointing out that there’s a consensus among all the religions…except maybe Caodaism…that religion is mythology.

KID

But one of them has to be right, look at how many people believe!

OLD MAN

By your reasoning the religion with the most believers must be the true one, but that changes from time to time.

KID

So what happens if the one true religion changes after you die?

OLD MAN

…my point exactly.

KID

Can’t I count on God to lead me to the one true religion?

OLD MAN

That approach will most likely lead you to the religion that has the most social influence in the area you were raised in.

KID

Isn’t there any reliable way to test for truth?

OLD MAN

…the scientific method?

KID

But I read on Facebook that science is evil and unreliable!

OLD MAN

Do you believe water freezes at 32 degrees Fahrenheit? Do you believe light travels at 186,282 miles per second? Do you believe the planets orbit the sun? Do you believe volcanos are caused by magma bursting through the earth’s crust? Do you believe in gravity? Do you believe drinking Drano will kill you, and do you even know the science behind why drinking Drano will kill you?

KID

Yes to all the questions except the last one.

OLD MAN

Believing in science 99% of the time and then contradicting yourself the one time you need a cop-out excuse isn’t a valid form of argument. That’s a defense mechanism.

KID

Why are you so mean to religious people?

OLD MAN

I just pointed out the obvious. You’re the one that shot the messenger, which again, is a defense mechanism.

KID

So science isn’t evil…it’s just indifferent, like a neutral, objective third party?

OLD MAN

It has to be since the whole point of science is to study an indifferent universe.

KID

So which religion passes this objective test for truth that we rely on in every other aspect of our lives?

OLD MAN

Just to be clear, can we rephrase that question to ask which religious book passes the same test for truth we rely on in every other aspect of our lives?

KID

Do we really need to make that distinction?

OLD MAN

We can fact check words that are written down and hold them accountable. Arguing over what you personally feel your religion is to you is like arguing with a bipolar ghost with multiple personality disorders who is in denial.

KID

Okay, drama queen. So which religious book passes the test of scientific inquiry?

OLD MAN

None of them.

KID

So you’re saying God isn’t real?

OLD MAN

I didn’t say that.

KID

So you’re saying there is a god, but the one true prophet has yet to transcribe the true word of the lord through divine inspiration?

OLD MAN

I definitely didn’t say that.

KID

Why can’t you give me a straight answer?

OLD MAN

…You could ask God the same question.

KID

I pray every night, and God never answers.

OLD MAN

…well there you go.

KID

Does that prove God doesn’t exist?

OLD MAN

Dead dads and deadbeat dads are indistinguishable to orphans.

KID

What if God is like a rich, loving dad who only seems to have abandoned his children when in reality he let them leave the nest to grow up on their own?

OLD MAN

I’m just curious, do the orphans have to know or believe who their dad is in order to receive their inheritance? Or will the dad throw them in the gutter if they don’t figure out who he is before he comes to bail them out of the orphanage he stranded them in?

KID

That dad sounds like a douche bag, and the bible says, “A father’s love is a love without end, amen.”

OLD MAN

You may be surprised to learn that several self-proclaimed prophets wrote down in some pretty popular religious books that God is, as you say, a douche bag.

KID

Well, if a self-proclaimed prophet wrote it down then it must be true. I mean, how can we understand the nature of the universe or the difference between right and wrong without prophets to teach us our creator’s expectations for us?

OLD MAN

…are we still ignoring the fact that there’s a consensus among all the prophets that religion is mythology?

KID

Yes.

OLD MAN

You want rules? Here you go. Rule number one. Don’t put your hand on a hot stove.

KID

Did a prophet write that rule down?

OLD MAN

Did we need one to?

KID

We need someone to tell us how to live.

OLD MAN

…spoken like a true victim of battered-person syndrome.

KID

I don’t know what that means, but I stand by my statement.

OLD MAN

Then maybe you should worship the I.R.S. It’s got millions of rules, and they’re constantly being updated.

KID

The I.R.S. is evil. They take all your money, and their rules don’t even make sense half the time.

 

OLD MAN

…Funny how often that happens when one person gets to tell another person how to live.

KID

The fact remains, I can’t be held responsible for deciding how to live.

OLD MAN

…then what’s the point of leaving the nest?

KID

…to learn obedience?

OLD MAN

…you mean like a slave?

KID

God gave us the free will to choose to accept or reject him.

OLD MAN

Telling people, “Do what I say or die.” doesn’t give them free will. It gives them a tyrannical ultimatum.

KID

Is there anything we can know for sure outside of what the prophets told us?

OLD MAN

…so far water has frozen at 32 degrees Fahrenheit every time I’ve checked.

KID

Ah Ha! If that’s an unchangeable rule then God must have made it!

OLD MAN

…which god was that then?

KID

If a rose is a rose by any other name then so is the force that determines the freezing point of water.

OLD MAN

…then why name the rose at all?

KID

I need a concrete answer to bring closure to this issue, and you haven’t given me any yet.

OLD MAN

…are you talking to me or god?

KID

The point is there has to be more to life than being stranded in an indifferent universe where you have to figure out everything for yourself and take responsibility for your own conclusions.

OLD MAN

…you say that like it’s a bad thing. You seem to be navigating life just fine so far, and you can’t even quote a religious book accurately. Is this really about defending religion?

KID

I’m just scared of death, and I’m projecting my fears the only way my elders taught me to. But mainly I’m afraid of going to hell. Isn’t it better to wager on religion and be wrong than wager against it and be wrong?

OLD MAN

So which religion do you wager on?

KID

…The one that makes the best promises and the worst threats?

OLD MAN

…and fails the test of science and takes all your money and has a bunch of rules that don’t even make any sense?

KID

But if I strip away all my preconceived beliefs then what am I left with?

OLD MAN

…freedom?

KID

Are you the devil trying to trick me?

OLD MAN

I could ask you the same question, but if you’re constantly disagreeing with the people whose job it is to indifferently, objectively point out the obvious then at some point you might consider the possibility that the source of the confusion is that you’re wrong.

KID

I’m going to have to go home and think about this.

OLD MAN

…funny you were created with the capacity to do that.

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October 1, 2017

An Old Man From Jersey Explains: What Came First, The Chicken Or The Egg?

By wise sloth

This is a mini-series of comics about a naive but curious ten year old boy who pesters a crude but wise old man while he sits on the steps to their dingy New Jersey apartment building trying to read the newspaper.

 

An old man sits on the steps to his dingy New Jersey apartment reading a newspaper. A naive but curious ten year old boy stands on the grass nearby pestering him with questions.

If you enjoyed this post, you’ll also like these:

 

An Old Man From Jersey Explains Life

TRANSCRIPT

 

KID

Hey, mister!

OLD MAN

What do you want, KID?

KID

What came first, the chicken or the egg?

OLD MAN

Is the chicken a male or female?

KID

A female, duh. Male chickens don’t lay eggs.

OLD MAN

So which came first, the female chicken that laid the egg or the male chicken that impregnated the female chicken?

KID

There would have to be two more chicken to have them…and two before them…and two before them.

OLD MAN

You figured it out. There’s chickens all the way down.

KID

Well, let’s say time only stretches into the future.

OLD MAN

You’re assuming time exists.

KID

Seeing as how I have to be home at six, and this is taking longer than I thought, let’s assume time exists. So where did the first two chickens come from?

OLD MAN

…the same place as everything else?

KID

So what existed before everything else?

OLD MAN

…Potential?

KID

What about time? Did that exist before anything else?

OLD MAN

Potentially.

KID

Was the universe born from its own potential?

OLD MAN

Well, if you’re going to assume the universe had a beginning, or a birth as you put it, I reckon you can assume whatever else you want.

KID

How could it not have a beginning?

OLD MAN

You don’t want time to have an end, but you expect it to have a beginning?

KID

Which option gives me and the chickens a definite beginning in time and an eternal future?

OLD MAN

The beginning of time is the end of time. The chicken is the egg. Time and space are a loop.

KID

I’ll take it.

OLD MAN

Got any more questions?

KID

Well… I had one, but I guess you sorta already answered it.

OLD MAN

Yeah, what was that?

KID

If God created the universe then who created God?

OLD MAN

…assuming there is a god.

KID

I’m going home now.

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October 1, 2017

An Old Man From Jersey Explains: How To Grow Up

By wise sloth

This is a mini-series of comics about a naive but curious ten-year-old boy who pesters a crude but wise old man while he sits on the steps to their dingy New Jersey apartment building trying to read the newspaper.

 

An old man sits on the steps to his dingy New Jersey apartment reading a newspaper. A naive but curious ten year old boy stands on the grass nearby pestering him with questions.

If you enjoyed this post, you’ll also like these:

 

An Old Man From Jersey Explains Life

TRANSCRIPT

 

KID

Hey, mister!

OLD MAN

What do you want, kid?

KID

Can you explain how to grow up to me?

OLD MAN

Where do you want me to start from?

KID

From the beginning.

OLD MAN

If you don’t define your end goal you can’t define the process to achieve it. So the first thing you have to do is define what a grown up is.

KID

So what’s a grown up?

OLD MAN

You’re assuming there’s really such thing as a grown up. It might just be a term that old people invented to subjugate young people.

KID

I’m not buying it. There’s definitely a difference between me and my mom.

OLD MAN

Well, your mom has learned how to survive in the particular environment she lives in, and she’s taken responsibility for her survival as well as yours. So there’s that, but it doesn’t necessarily make her a higher form of life than anyone who made the mistake of being born after her.

KID

So all I have to do to grow up is learn how to survive and take responsibility for my survival? I’m already learning all that in school. Does that mean all I have to do to grow up is graduate?

OLD MAN

The skills necessary to survive change every day as technological advancements, social, political and economic evolution change the world we live in. So by your reasoning, if and when the skills you learned in school become obsolete then you’ll regress back to childhood….assuming you went to a good school and actually learned everything your teachers taught you in the first place. You would also revert to childhood if you moved to a foreign country where your life skills aren’t applicable.

KID

Is all that really true?

OLD MAN

…only if you choose to define adults and children by mastery of their environment.

KID

But what’s the point of it all if I’m just surviving to grow up and growing up to survive?

OLD MAN

…maybe there’s more to life than becoming the prefect product of your environment.

KID

Like what?

OLD MAN

Like becoming yourself.

KID

Why’s that important?

OLD MAN

It’s the same for you and me as it is for a flower. You grow to your full potential and bloom, not because it accomplishes anything else in the world but just for the sake of experiencing the majesty of existing for its own sake, and since what you experience is defined by who you are then in order to experience life to its fullest potential you have to become you to your fullest potential.

KID

So that’s what it means to be a grown up? you have to become you to the fullest extent possible?

OLD MAN

…only if you choose to define adults and children by their level of self actualization.

KID

By that definition are you an adult?

OLD MAN

I’m not dumb enough to claim to be anything but lost, but if you want some good examples of people I’d consider grown ups then study Leonardo Da Vinci, Socrates, Benjamin Franklin, Confucius, people like that.

KID

I don’t know all of those people, but the ones I do know were really, really smart. I mean, they were born smart. I won’t ever be that smart.

OLD MAN

If you put as much effort into studying as you do making excuses and defending where you’re at you could become smarter than all those people put together.

KID

Would you just tell me what I need to study to grow up and become myself like those guys did?

OLD MAN

Just study what those guys studied.

KID

What did they study?

OLD MAN

Everything.

KID

When do I finish my studies?

OLD MAN

Never.

KID

But if I never finish then what’s the point?

OLD MAN

Everything you will ever think or do is based on your knowledge. The more you know the more you are and the more you can do. The less you know the less you are and the less you can do.

KID

But where will all that knowledge get me?

OLD MAN

It’ll bring you back to where you started and you’ll know where you are. Then you’ll have perspective. With perspective you’ll have direction, and with direction your actions will finally have meaning.

KID

What if I’d rather do something else with my life?

OLD MAN

That’s up to you, but how can you define your wants if you haven’t defined yourself?

KID

How can I be anyone but myself?

OLD MAN

A seed is not a flower.

KID

What about the wants I have right now? Aren’t they valid?

OLD MAN

Sure. Just remember that whatever path you take, you bet your life on.

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October 1, 2017

An Old Man From Jersey Explains: The Meaning Of Life

By wise sloth

This is a mini-series of comics about a naive but curious ten-year-old boy who pesters a crude but wise old man while he sits on the steps to their dingy New Jersey apartment building trying to read the newspaper.

 

An old man sits on the steps to his dingy New Jersey apartment reading a newspaper. A naive but curious ten year old boy stands on the grass nearby pestering him with questions.

If you enjoyed this post, you’ll also like these:

 

 

An Old Man From Jersey Explains Life
The Meaning of Life
How to Think Like a Genius
Knowledge and Learning
Biker Philosophy
My Tweets About Philosophy 

TRANSCRIPT

 

KID

Hey Mister!

OLD MAN

What do you want, Kid?

KID

Can you explain life to me?

OLD MAN

Where do you want me to start from?

KID

From the beginning.

OLD MAN

Okay, now look. If I offered you 100 billion dollars to do it, and I promised to kill your whole family if you didn’t then would you do it?

KID

Um, yeah.

OLD MAN

That’s right. You wouldn’t even have to think about it or work up the motivation because there would be no choice There’d just be one path in front of you.

KID

The heck does this have to do with life?

OLD MAN

If you don’t understand how important life is or why then you won’t have the appropriate motivation to take life as seriously as you should. Then you won’t put the appropriate amount of effort into living, but if you truly, truly understood the value of life then you wouldn’t have to debate with yourself or work up the strength to sacrifice any of the relative temptations of the world to pursue life’s highest purpose. Your motivation would be so strong there’d only be one choice, one path before you. So the first lesson you need to learn about life is how valuable it is and why.

KID

Cool beans. So how valuable is life?

OLD MAN

How old are you, kid?

KID

I’m ten and a half years old going on eleven.

OLD MAN

No you’re not. You’re closer to 14 billion years old. All the stuff in your body was there at the Big Bang. Galaxies rose and fell around you as you floated to a place where the atoms in your body could finally come together in a way that makes you, you.

KID

So you’re saying I was meant to be here since the beginning of time?

OLD MAN

…that or you’re infinitely lucky to be here.

KID

So I’m either destined or lucky to come all this way just to die!? What’s the point of existing for a second if I’m not going to exist forever? Doesn’t the brevity of life make life pointless?

OLD MAN

The finite amount of time you get to live here is infinitely valuable because of its scarcity alone. You asked me how valuable life is. Well, here’s my answer. It’s infinitely valuable.

KID

Gosh, that’s a burden of responsibility bordering on a guilt trip.

OLD MAN

…ironic that it’s coming from an indifferent universe. Anyway, given that every second of your short, irreplaceable life is infinitely valuable, that makes the following question infinitely important: What’s the most important thing you can do with your life?

KID

I don’t know how to read a clock much less answer that question.

OLD MAN

Then find someone who knows the meaning of life and ask them.

KID

Who knows the meaning of life?

OLD MAN

Nobody.

KID

In all of human history?

OLD MAN

Nobody. Ever. Anywhwere. Did you get an instruction book to life when you were born that explained everything? No, well, nobody else did either. Nobody has any idea what’s going on. There are no experts, no authorities, no grown ups.

KID

My mom knows the answer to any question I ask her. And if she didn’t know what’s right and wrong then how could she spank me for doing wrong?

OLD MAN

We might get taller, and we might memorize a lot of facts, but philosophically we’re al stuck at 5 years old guessing at life and faking our maturity level until we start believing whatever it is we’re doing is what humans are supposed to be doing.

KID

So…you’re saying you’re not the person to ask about the meaning of life?

OLD MAN

Ask as many people as many questions as you can, but never take anything for granted, because you’re fate is your responsibility. It’s up to you to figure out the meaning of life.

KID

But you just said nobody ever figured it out.

OLD MAN

…sucks, don’t it?

KID

So that’s life? You’re born lost. The End. Hope it don’t suck to be you.

OLD MAN

You watch too much anime. So what if we don’t know why we’re here? The point is we’re still here. We still gotta do something. Since we don’t have anything more important to do than figure out what we’re supposed to be doing then we may as well spend our lives figuring that out.

KID

But if we can’t figure out why we’re here then how do we figure out what to do now that we’re here?

OLD MAN

There are things we can know about ourselves and the universe we’ve found ourselves stranded in. The more of those things we know the better we can live. We might not be able to prove we lived ight according to the ultimate maxim, but we can do something good with what we’ve got, and that which a man can do he should do.

KID

Sounds good. So where do I start my education?

OLD MAN

You can’t understand how a car works until you understand the parts that make up a car. Same thing with life. And what’s life then? Life is being a walking, talking, breathing, thinking creature stranded in this great, big, beautiful, lonely, indifferent universe.

KID

So I should become a mechanic? Got it.

OLD MAN

If you want to understand life then you gotta understand the universe that gave birth to you and that you live in. Learn all the science you can, because that’ll teach you the facts that everything else is built on.

KID

So once I become a super scientist then where do I point my telescope to start studying the meaning of life?

OLD MAN

That grass you’re standing on is alive. Why don’t you just ask it?

KID

Hey grass! why are you alive? It didn’t answer.

OLD MAN

Did it do anything?

KID

No. It just sat there and grew.

OLD MAN

Well there you go then.

KID

Are you saying the meaning of life is to just sit here and grow?

OLD MAN

I’m just pointing out what life does.

KID

But our lives would be pointless if all we did was just get big, grow old and die like grass.

OLD MAN

So you’re saying this grass’s life is meaningless?

KID

The life of grass has meaning because it’s a part of the food chain.

OLD MAN

…and whatever life form is at the top of the food chain has the most meaningful life, right?

KID

Exactly, but does that mean if more advanced aliens come along it’ll make my life worthless?

OLD MAN

But does that mean if more advanced aliens come along it’ll make my life worthless?

KID

Okay, I take that back. Life is inherently valuable to each individual life form simply because it’s alive.

OLD MAN

Now that that’s settled the grass is still growing into taller grass. What are you growing into?

KID

A taller human?

OLD MAN

That’s your body. What about your mind? What about your identity?

KID

I am what I am.

OLD MAN

That’s good that you acknowledge you’re a product of your environment. Now you need to acknowledge that you’ve yet to blossom into a significantly independent identity.

KID

Do they teach how to do that in school?

OLD MAN

I’d suggest enrolling in some online psychology classes.

KID

Now are you saying the meaning of life is to be a psychologist?

OLD MAN

The grass is here to be grass, and you’re here to be you. If you have questions about how to be you then I suggest you talk to the people who study “yous.”

KID

That’s painfully logical. So who am I supposed to be trying to become while I’m here?

OLD MAN

I suspect the point is that you get to pick.

KID

There’s no wrong answer?

OLD MAN

Well, you’re the one who is going to have to live with yourself. so You get what you got.

KID

So that’s life then?

OLD MAN

…I didn’t say to take my word for it.

 

 

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October 1, 2017

An Old Man From Jersey Explains: Is Man Inherently Good Or Evil?

By wise sloth

This is a mini-series of comics about a naive but curious ten-year-old boy who pesters a crude but wise old man while he sits on the steps to their dingy New Jersey apartment building trying to read the newspaper.

 

An old man sits on the steps to his dingy New Jersey apartment reading a newspaper. A naive but curious ten year old boy stands on the grass nearby about to ask a question.

If you enjoyed this post, you’ll also like these:

 

An Old Man From Jersey Explains Life
The Meaning of Life
How to Think Like a Genius
Knowledge and Learning
Biker Philosophy
My Tweets About Philosophy 

 

TRANSCRIPT

 

Kid: Hey Mister!

Old Man: What do you want, kid.

Kid: Is man inherently good or evil?

Old Man: What’s good, and what’s evil?

Kid: I don’t know. I guess whatever God says.

Old Man: Which god is that then?

Kid: Don’t all religions basically say the same thing?

Old Man: And what do they say then?

Kid: To do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

Old Man: They also tend to say that women and slaves should be obedient. Is that good?

Kid: Heck no. All people were created equal.

Old Man: Did God say that?

Kid: Didn’t He?

Old Man: Did He need to?

Kid: Didn’t He?

Old Man: Did God need to say that 2+2=4 for that to be true?

Kid: Does it matter? It’d still be true either way.

Old Man: What if I told you that 2+2=5?

Kid: Then I’d tell you you’re wrong.

Old Man: How do you know that?

Kid: Logic. Duh.

Old Man: Great. So what does logic say the difference between good and evil is?

Kid: Well, what’s good for people is good, and what’s bad for people is bad.

Old Man: I asked you to use logic, not circular logic.

Kid: What do I know about logic? I’m just a kid. Just tell me the final answer so I can get home and watch TV.

Old Man: Well, first you need a frame of reference to measure good and evil against.

Kid: What kind of frame of reference?

Old Man: The ultimate goal of life, what it’s all leading up to.

Kid: …like the meaning of life.

Old Man: Exactly.

Kid: So what’s the meaning of life?

Old Man: Nobody knows, and even if they thought they did couldn’t empirically prove they’re right.

Kid: Can’t we prove the meaning of life using logic?

Old Man: You can come up with all sorts of logical explanations for the meaning of life. You just can’t empirically prove any of them are right.

Kid: So we can’t be sure if we’ll ever know the true meaning of good and evil?

Old Man: We can’t even prove there is a true meaning of good and evil.

Kid: So what the heck are we doing here? How does the world function without a universal moral compass?

Old Man: Some would say the world isn’t doing a good job of functioning.

Kid: So how can we know if man is inherently good or evil if we can’t prove what good and evil are?

Old Man: Who said man is inherently good or evil?

Kid: You know, that old saying.

Old Man: Maybe you shouldn’t base your perception of reality on old sayings.

Kid: Look, people have to be inherently something.

Old Man: Well, we’re born ignorant if that helps.

Kid: Hey! ignorance doesn’t help you do anything. So ignorance is bad, and if ignorance is bad…and we’re ignorant…then we’re bad.

Old Man: But we’re also born with the capacity to learn and reason. We even know how to suckle without having to be taught. If ignorance is evil then our inherent capacity for intelligence makes us inherently good.

Kid: But babies are still inherently evil though, right? Since they don’t know nothing?

Old Man: There’s some who would agree that babies are evil, and there’s some who wouldn’t, but what does it matter?

Kid: It matters because I need to know what to do with my life.

Old Man: I’d suggest learning as much as possible and spending the rest of your life contemplating the meaning of life.

Kid: Ugh. That sounds like a lot of work.

Old Man: …and?

Kid: …and that sucks.

Old Man: Does it?

Kid: Yeah, it’s not fair!

Old Man: Isn’t it?

Kid: You’re hopeless. I’m going home.

Old Man: Okay. Well, be good for your mother.

Kid: Whatever.

The End.

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October 1, 2017

An Old Man From Jersey Explains: Does Everything Happen For A Reason?

By wise sloth

This is a mini-series of comics about a naive but curious ten-year-old boy who pesters a crude but wise old man while he sits on the steps to their dingy New Jersey apartment building trying to read the newspaper.

 

An old man sits on the steps to a dingy apartment building reading a newspaper while answering questions about life from a naive but curious ten year old boy.

If you enjoyed this post, you’ll also like these:

 

An Old Man From Jersey Explains Life
The Meaning of Life
How to Think Like a Genius
Knowledge and Learning
Biker Philosophy
My Tweets About Philosophy 

 

 

Transcript:

 

Kid: Hey Mister!

Old Man: What do you want, kid?

Kid: Does everything happen for a reason?

Old Man: Does my answer have to be based on observable data?

Kid: Uhhh. Okay?

Old Man: Everything that happens is the logical product of the event preceding it.

Kid: So everything does happen for a reason.

Old Man: Yeah, plain old cause and effect.

Kid: Does that mean that everything that has ever happened was destined to happen exactly the way it did? Because that kind of seems like a waste of time.

Old Man: Well, there’s not data to support either conclusion anyway. So… that debate’s pointless.

Kid: What if like, all the inanimate matter in the universe is following a logical, preordained path, but humans get to move around free, and sometimes the inanimate matter in the universe reroutes itself to make our lives more convenient?

Old Man: Hmmm. That would be like moving out of your parents’ house and having your freedom, but your parents still come over to your house every night to wipe your butt.

Kid: How about we not be rude?

Old Man: How about we just go about our lives not worrying about hypothetical situations that there’s no evidence of being real?

Kid: Because I’d sleep better if I knew the entire universe wasn’t out to get me.

Old Man: Kid, you are the universe. If the universe is out to get you then it’s out to get itself.

Kid: That would be silly. So the universe must be out to help me then, right?

Old Man: It already helped you get here in the first place and gave you a brain, legs and opposable thumbs. How much more help do you think you should get?

Kid: As much as it takes for me to get a girlfriend and a car. Do you think if I pray to God or the universe, things will rearrange themselves like on that one movie, “The Adjustment Bureau” so I’ll get what I want?

Old Man: If there is a God, it probably knows better than you what you need and already has everything under control. God also probably already knows what you think, which raises the question, why are you wasting time talking to yourself when there are problems that need your attention?

If you’re praying to the universe, you may as well ask yourself to do the work. You’re the only being in the observable universe we know of that has the power to rearrange the universe at will according to a custom design. Which raises the question, why are you wasting time talking to yourself when there are problems that need your attention?

Kid: I came here to feel coddled, not to saddle myself with the responsibility for my fate.

Old Man: Maybe that was your preordained destiny.

Kid: Does that mean your preordained destiny was to destroy children’s dreams?

Old Man: Maybe that’s the universe answering a prayer you didn’t know to ask.

The End.

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October 1, 2017

This Was Your Life: A Christian Woman

By wise sloth

As punishment for his bad karma debt, God forced Loki to work the gate to the afterlife ushering the recently deceased to the underworld. Bored to death, Loki and his friends decided to pass the time by taunting humans for their mistakes in life. This is Loki’s 1st victim.

Loki gets caught by his boss while criticizing a Christian woman for not following the teachings of Jesus

 

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Leave a comment   |  tags: , , , , , , | posted in This Was Your Life

October 1, 2017

This Was Your Life: A Christian Man

By wise sloth

As punishment for his bad karma debt, God forced Loki to work the gate to the afterlife ushering the recently deceased to the underworld. Bored to death, Loki and his friends decided to pass the time by taunting humans for their mistakes in life. This is Loki and his friends’ 2nd  victim.

Loki and his assistant question a Christian man's faith and logic.

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Leave a comment   |  tags: , , , , , , | posted in This Was Your Life

October 1, 2017

This Was Your Life: An Agnostic

By wise sloth

As punishment for his bad karma debt, God forced Loki to work the gate to the afterlife ushering the recently deceased to the underworld. Bored to death, Loki and his friends decided to pass the time by taunting humans for their mistakes in life. This is Loki and his friends’ 3rd victim.

Loki and his assistant pretend to be confused about where to send an agnostic

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Leave a comment   |  tags: , , , , , , | posted in This Was Your Life

October 1, 2017

This Was Your Life: The Hedonist

By wise sloth

As punishment for his bad karma debt, God forced Loki to work the gate to the afterlife ushering the recently deceased to the underworld. Bored to death, Loki and his friends decided to pass the time by taunting humans for their mistakes in life. This is Loki and his friends’ 4th victim.

Loki and his assistant inform a hedonist that he wasted half his life living only for himself

 

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  • Book 2: Chapter #1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9

Leave a comment   |  tags: , , , , , , | posted in This Was Your Life