(Comic) How Gender Equality Works

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TRANSCRIPT

A young girl is talking to an elephant and a donkey in front of the Supreme Court building.

Girl: Can I ask you guys something?

Elephant: Sure. You have the right to say whatever you want in this country.

Donkey: …just like we have the right to monitor whatever you say.

Girl: I’m not legally required to wear a burqa or a hajib when I grow up, am I?

Elephant: Heavens no! It’s no the government’s place to tell you how to dress.

Donkey: …Outside of the workplace that is.

Girl: Oh, great! So I’ll always be free to take my shirt off wherever a man is allowed to take his shirt off then, right?

Elephant: Heavens no! That would be indecent.

Donkey: You’ll be free to work in a strip club after you turn 18 though…wherever strip clubs are legal.

Girl: So let me get this straight. It’s 2011, and I don’t have equal rights as men?

Elephant: If you want to get nitpicky about it, not.

Girl: What if I don’t think this is being nitpicky?

Donkey: Either way, it’s still the same.

Girl: Why don’t I have equal rights, again? I thought I lived in the land of the free.

Elephant: Not enough people have complained about it loud enough. So they voted for your subjugation through their collective silence.

Donkey: ….but if enough people did complain about it we’d have the police mace, taze, beat, and arrest them.

Girl: But isn’t the point of having rights that you don’t need anyone else’s approval?

Elephant: If you want to get nitpicky about it, yes.

Donkey: …but we’re not nitpicky.

Girl: If it’s all the same to you, do you think you could just sign my freedom into law real quick? That wouldn’t take long, would it?

Elephant: It’d take as long as it takes to sign a piece of paper.

Donkey: …but we’re really busy signing other pieces of paper.

Girl: What’s more important than equal rights for women?

Elephant: Tax breaks and bailouts for the ultra-wealthy.

Donkey: ….and cracking down on protesters advocating economic equality.

Girl: I’ve got an idea. What if you give me this one thing, and maybe that’ll make people feel like you’re doing something for them and they won’t be so upset about the rest of the stuff you’re not doing?

Elephant: I like the way you think, but…

Donkey: We don’t want to set a precedent. If we give you an inch the next thing you’ll be asking for a mile.

Girl: I’m sure if you do me this one…favor…you’ll go down in history as civil rights leaders.

Elephant: *ugh* Our arms are still aching from having them twisted to let gays serve openly in the military.

Donkey: …and from patting ourselves on the back for doing that.

Elephant: I don’t know what you’re so upset about anyway. You could live in Saudi Arabia. Then you’d have way fewer rights.

Girl: By that logic I shouldn’t complain about economic inequality because I could live in a country that America exports all its sweatshop labor to.

Donkey: Now you’re getting the hang of it!

Elephant: I’ll tell you what. You can make a petition on the White House website, and if enough people sign it we’ll look at it.

Girl: I already signed a bunch of those petitions. All you give me is dismissive, non-answers. I’m not even going to try that anymore.

Donkey: Wow! You’re really getting the hang of this!

THE END