“Anal sex or anal intercourse is generally the insertion and thrusting of the erect penis into a person’s anus, or anus and rectum, for sexual pleasure. Other forms of anal sex include fingering, the use of sex toys for anal penetration, oral sex performed on the anus (anilingus), and pegging. Although the term anal sex most commonly means penile-anal penetration, sources sometimes use the term anal intercourse to refer exclusively to penile-anal penetration, and anal sex to refer to any form of anal sexual activity, especially between pairings as opposed to anal masturbation.”
Note: Since anal sex is gender-neutral, this blog will refer to the person doing the penetration as “The Top,” and the person being penetrated will be referred to as “The Bottom.”
WHAT SHOULD YOU DO TO PREPARE FOR ANAL SEX?
Step 1: Communicate.
The first step towards having virgin anal sex with your partner is to talk to them about it. Never pressure anyone into doing anything they don’t want to. Just express your interest, and explain the benefits and the process. Create a plan and agree on your boundaries. The better they understand what they’re getting into, the fewer misconceptions they’ll have holding them back.
Step 2: Acclimate The Bottom’s mind and body.
If you don’t loosen the anus before penetration then you run a high risk of tearing the tissue. So you’ll want to loosen it with some light stretching before you penetrate it with your penis or strap-on. It’s a good idea to begin the process a few days before you do the real deed. Not only will this prepare the tissue for preparation, but it also acclimates your partner’s mind. It’s a natural reflex for the body to tense up when the anus is penetrated, and if you try to force your way through you increase your risk of tearing tissue. If The Bottom is already used to being penetrated, they’ll be more relaxed and more able to safely and enjoyably receive deeper penetration.
You’ll definitely want to loosen the anus immediately before penetration every time. You can use a finger for this, but if either of you has anxieties about poop, this could be a turn-off. You could wear a medical glove to keep from getting your fingers dirty, but some people may find still find that awkward. Also, many people have latex allergies. So you may want to use a non-latex glove just to be safe.
Your other option is to use a sex toy. There are a dizzying number of sex toys on the market. The most important thing you need to remember when picking an anal sex toy is that the anus tends to pucker when penetrated, which can suck toys into the anus resulting in an embarrassing trip to the E.R. to have it removed.
There are anal pros who will tell you that you can safely use vibrators and dildos for anal play, but most X-Ray technicians would advise you to only use toys that are designed not to get lost. The safest, simplest toy is a butt plug with a wide base. An added bonus to using a butt plug is that you can insert it and leave it there while you make out or have oral or PIV sex prior to anal penetration. Both partners can also wear a butt plug so that The Bottom doesn’t feel like the experience is one-sided. Not only is that a fair compromise, but it’s actually a great opportunity for both people because hey, anal penetration is fun.
Wearing a butt plug can give a man a higher-level orgasm, but he can get an even higher-level orgasm by having a vibrating prostate stimulator inserted in his anus. Again, make sure you use one with a wide base. If you give a man a blowjob while probing his anus with a vibrating prostate stimulator, he’ll have a mind-blowing orgasm, and it’ll be a great bonding/equalizing experience for both of you.
Whatever you stick into an anus, it’s absolutely vital to lubricate both the object and the anus first. You’ll want to use 5-10 times the amount of lube as you would use to lubricate a vagina. When in doubt, err on the side of caution. Nothing bad is going to happen from using too much lube, but you can easily create a worst-case scenario by using too little.
When lubricating the anus, the thing to remember is that, unlike the vagina, the anus doesn’t produce its own internal lubricant. So if you apply a generous amount of lube to the opening and the object, then stick it in, the object will slide in easily for an inch or so, but the lube will quickly rub off on the sides of the anal cavity, and then the dry object will hit dry tissue and tear it. So you want to lube the hole and the object, penetrate the anus a little bit. Then re-lube the opening and the object and penetrate it again. Then do that again. Keep in constant communication with your partner to determine how many times you have to repeat the process, and be prepared to re-apply even more lube at any time during anal play.
Not everyone wears a condom for anal sex, but until you’re in a long-term monogamous relationship with someone, you should, because it prevents the risk of STDs and UTIs. It defeats the purpose of having fun if it’s going to make you sick.
If you’re worried about poop, you can take a laxative or get an enema earlier in the day to clean out your colon prior to having your anus penetrated. Beware though, if you take laxatives or receive enemas too often, your body will become dependent on them, and then your life is going get a lot harder. The simplest thing you can do to keep your colon clean, is to eat plenty of fiber like Shredded Wheat. Just don’t eat too much fiber or you’ll get constipated.
Step 3: Lube up the anus.
There are tons of options available for anal lube. If you’re looking for the best anal lube for you and your partner, check review sites like Lubricant Reviews to see all of the options available. A good anal lube will usually be thicker than your standard lube and some of these products include a desensitizing agent that help numb the sphincter. Because of this numbing agent, you MUST be careful how fast you proceed in case your partner is not fully aware of any issues with unintentional tearing.
ANAL SEX POSITIONS
There’s no one right or best position for anal sex. They all have their pros and cons. The question is which position you and your partner most comfortable with and what mood you’re trying to set. Here’s a list of the pros/cons of the basic positions to help you figure out what’s best for you and your partner:
1: Normal doggy style
Of all the sex positions, doggy style is the most synonymous with anal sex for one good reason: It angles the anus perfectly to slide an object in comfortably (though other positions can be just as comfortable). It also allows The Bottom to play with their genitals while being pleasured from behind.
The downside of doggy style is that it’s the least intimate position. So if you’re doing anal for the first time, you might want to start in the doggy style position for a few minutes and then switch to a different position in which there’s no chance of The Bottom feeling like they’re being used as an impersonal fuck toy. Having said that, you should revisit the doggy style position when you’re both ready for hard, wild, uninhibited anal sex,
2: Laying on the stomach
Have The Bottom lay flat on their stomach (possibly with a pillow under their hips), and have The Top mount them. This is more relaxing for The Bottom than doggy style, it provides a good angle for penetration, and it allows The Top to hug and kiss The Bottom thus making anal sex a more intimate full body experience. The only problem is it’s difficult for The Bottom to pleasure themselves.
3: Spooning
Spooning gives you just as good of an angle for penetration as the previous two positions, and it allows for more intimacy. Plus, it gives The Bottom plenty of room to pleasure themselves with their hands or toys. The Top can even reach around and pleasure The Bottom’s genitals. This way, The Bottom isn’t just someone that anal sex is happening to, they’re the center of attention, and they have a good chance of having an orgasm (as long as their genitals are being stimulated while their anus is being penetrated).
4: Missionary
The missionary position is arguably the most intimate sexual position. It gives both partners the most room to kiss and use all their body parts to express their passion. If you put a pillow under The Bottom’s hips, they can be comfortably penetrated. The Bottom has the freedom to relax on their back completely or take control of the speed and force of the thrusts. Both partners also have room to pleasure The Bottom’s genitals with their hands or toys. If your goal is to make your first anal sex session as romantic as possible, you may want to use the missionary position.
5: Cowgirl
The cowgirl position gives The Bottom more control over the speed and force of thrusts than any other position. So if you’re nervous about anal being too intense and damaging your bodily tissue, this might be a good position to start in. If The Top lays flat on their back, they may not get the intimacy they’re looking for. But if The Top sits on a chair or couch and has The Bottom straddle them while they’re sitting upright, then both partners can experience lots of intimacy, and if The Bottom is a female, she can rub her clit against The Top’s abdomen and possibly get an orgasm. If your main concern is that anal sex is as physically pleasurable for both partners, you might want to use this position.
6: Reverse Cowgirl
Everything I just said about the cowgirl position applies to the reverse cowgirl position. The two biggest differences are that if The Bottom is a female, she can’t rub her clit against The Top’s abdomen. However, if The Top is sitting upright, he/she can easily reach around and pleasure The Bottom’s genitals using hands or toys. So more than any other position, this gives a female Bottom the most potential to be the center of attention.
ANAL SEX SPEEDS
If you or your partner are nervous about anal sex, talk with each other about what speed/s you’re going to use ahead of time. The more everyone understands what they’re getting into, the less reason anyone will have to be anxious.
1: Slow
You definitely want to start out an anal sex session very slowly to give The Bottom’s mind and body time to acclimate. If it’s their first time, you might not even want to ever build up to medium or fast speeds. There’s nothing wrong with penetrating The Bottom and then holding your penis or strapon inside them without ever thrusting at all. This way you can use all your time together to focus on pleasuring The Bottom’s genitals while they’re statically/passively penetrated from behind. This will give them a safe, pleasurable, intimate experience that could wet their appetite for more vigorous anal play later on instead of shocking them and scaring them away from experimenting with anal in the future. Another option is to statically/passively penetrate them for a few minutes and then work your way up to slow, fluid pumps and stick with that pace for the rest of the session. This can make for a nice, soothing introduction to anal sex.
2: Medium
You always want to start an anal sex session with slow thrusts for the safety of The Bottom. However, if you only ever have slow anal sex, both partners will probably get bored eventually. It’s hard to go wrong with a nice, even medium pace. It allows both partners to feel what’s going on, and it’s probably not going to hurt anyone. Just make sure that your movements are fluid and everyone should have a good time.
3: Fast
For the safety of The Bottom, don’t start with fast thrusts. Start slow, then speed up to a medium pace. Stick with that for a little while, and then rev up your speed. Check with your partner first to see if they want you to be that aggressive, and make sure their anus still has plenty of lubrication. Fast anal sex can be great as long as everyone and everything is ready for it.
IS IT MORAL TO HAVE ANAL SEX?
I’ve never heard a logical, coherent argument for why anal sex is immoral. Sure, it involves poop and the butt, but life involves poop and butts. Poop and butts is a mundane non-issue. There’s no reason for it to be a taboo. It’s just there. Actually, it’s better than just there. It’s a gift. It’s an opportunity for intimacy with the ones we care about. There is only good in that. If we’re not here to live and love, then what the hell are we doing here? I can’t, don’t and won’t believe that we’re here to fear and loathe any part of our bodies. I believe we’re here to live and love, and anal sex is one way of doing that.
Having said that, anal sex is not a moral imperative either. There’s no logical reason why anal abstinence would make you a bad person. Your prerogative is your choice, and your choice is your right. You do your thing and don’t let anyone pressure you into doing something you’re not comfortable with.
There’s no one right position, technique, speed, duration or tone to have sex. Even if there were one combination of movements that your partner likes best, they’ll get bored of you doing the same thing every time. Being a good sexual partner requires you to understand all the variations of sex and cycle through them.
Sometimes women want to be treated like a princess in bed. Sometimes they want you to communicate how much she means to you by doing things like scattering rose petals on the bed, lighting candles and kissing her softly. She wants you to woo her by undressing her slowly then laying her down softly and making sweet, gentle, tantalizing, intimate, romantic love to her. All of these things will make her feel wanted, understood, cared for and safe. However, if that’s the only way you ever make love to your woman then you don’t understand her, and you’re not satisfying all her needs. Ironically, your good intentions are likely boring her and leaving her unfulfilled.
Most women crave harder, rougher sex every once in a while. This extends to more than just thrusting harder. They want their man to take charge and dominate her. They want to blur the lines of consensuality and submit to an overwhelming and uncontrollable force.
This can be difficult for sexually inexperienced men to understand. Society trains boys to grow up into gentlemen who treat women with respect and reverence, which is good. Furthermore, you should know from your own experiences that if you step over a woman’s personal boundaries in public she won’t hesitate to snap at you and call you a creep or worse. You could even be expelled, fired or arrested for sexual harassment just for talking about sex in front of a woman. If all the women in your life act like high class, prim, sophisticated, modest ladies, you may assume that they want to be treated with the same degree of light-handedness in bed, but that’s not always the case.
If you read any book on the psychology of women’s sexuality, which you should, you may be surprised to learn that most women have rape fantasies. This doesn’t mean that women want to be raped. In fact, many women don’t realize how common rape fantasies are, and they feel profound shame for having these guilty fantasies… yet their imagination keeps returning to that dark place.
Men aren’t any different. 99% of men masturbate, and I would hazard to say that most men with an internet connection will watch internet porn eventually. If you watch enough internet porn, it’s only a matter of time before you masturbate to some scenario that you might not do in real life such as cuckolding, infidelity, gangbangs, bukkake, dubious consent, hardcore BDSM, homosexuality, incest, public sex, glory holes, teen anal, GILF, etc. Hopefully, you don’t feel guilty about that, because it’s okay. Your imagination is a safe place to act out your biological carnal urges. Having exaggerated sexual fantasies isn’t a sign of immorality or weakness. It’s a sign that you’re human. Instead of repressing and loathing these thoughts, we should understand and learn from them.
Women shouldn’t fear and resent men’s sexual fantasies. They should learn from them that men crave variety and excitement. If they want to please a man sexually they should cater to his needs within reason. Men can learn the same lesson from women’s fantasies.
You don’t have to get psychoanalytical to understand why women would want to be dominated in bed every once in a while. It’s different. It’s exciting. It’s carefree fun. It’s a thrilling, overwhelming sensation that tows the line between safety and danger similar to skydiving or riding a motorcycle. Even men can have a great time letting their guard down and being dominated now and again.
Having said that, you can also find psychological roots for this desire, and all of them are completely natural. Everyone has a psychological need for structure and security. Deep down we all want to be controlled by an authority figure. It makes us feel safe. It takes the burden of responsibility away from us, which feels euphoric. In this way, allowing someone to dominate you doesn’t feel threatening or belittling. Quite the opposite, it feels reassuring and comforting to know that you can trust your lover to take you to the brink of danger without going over the line.
When done correctly, domination won’t make a woman feel disrespected. It will actually make her respect you more because it demonstrates that you’re man enough to take control and exert your will. If you never exert any dominance in bed you run the risk of looking like an insecure wimp in her eyes.
At the same time, when a woman allows herself to be sexually dominated she’s actually exercising control. On the surface, it might look like the dom is controlling the sub, but the sub can stop the sexual encounter at any time. The dom only gets to act in control because the sub lets him. It’s like controlling a raging bull with a remote control. That can be a very empowering experience. It’s similarly empowering for the sub to know that the reason her dom is being wild and ravenous is because she turns him on that much. His sexual appetite is an indicator of how desirable she is. That’s flattering.
On the other hand, sometimes women get weary of acting prim, proper and modest in public all the time. After acting in control for the public for so long they just want to throw their modesty to the wind and indulge in care free ravishing submission. Sometimes they just want to be lazy in bed. Men should be able to understand that. Sometimes men just want to lay on their backs and let the woman do all the work too. We should all get to enjoy that on a regular basis.
For these reasons and more it’s important for men to be dominant in bed sometimes. I can’t tell you how often or how intense that should be. You need to communicate with your partner to understand what she wants.
You might not be comfortable dominating your woman because you’re insecure or just not into that kind of thing. I’m sorry, but you’re going to have to step up to the plate. Imagine if your woman told you, “I’m just not into giving blowjobs, or being on top. So you’re just going to have to live with neither of those things ever happening.” That would be selfish and insensitive, and eventually, you might start looking for a woman who wants to pleasure you in the ways that are important to you. Sex is a give and take. Sometimes you have to do things that aren’t your favorite because it’s important to your lover, and she’s important to you. It’s not going to kill you. Quite the opposite, she’s going to reciprocate the pleasure to you when it’s your turn.
At this point, I may have convinced you to experiment with sexual domination, but you’re still not sure what exactly that entails. The first thing you need to do is ask your partner what she wants. She has likely already been having specific fantasies that she wants you to enact. She’s the only person who can tell you what she wants. You should also read a few books on BDSM for beginners. There are hundreds to choose from. You may as well learn from the masters.
Being sexually dominant isn’t just something you do in bed. Depending on how far you and are your partner are willing to take it, you can make a lifestyle around being a dominant alpha male and/or a dedicated sub. There are hundreds of books and forums covering this topic as well, and they’re worth looking into even if you’re not going to fully swallow the red pill.
For now I’ll give you an easy way to begin talking to your partner about domination and determine what level she wants. Sit down together with this list and discuss how far she wants you to go and how often:
Level 1: Light
Domination can be as simple as holding and kissing your woman firmly during sex. You can also press her against the wall, take her clothes off commandingly or tell her what you want her to do during sex. You can also blindfold your woman or restrain her hands behind her back. That takes a little control away from her and adds a higher level of eroticism to sex. All of these techniques demonstrate strength without being offensive.
Level 2: Medium
You can turn the heat up another notch by instigating sex more abruptly. Take her clothes off more forcefully. Manhandle her a little more in bed. Spank her ass and grip her tightly. Flip her over into successive sex positions confidently. Use sex positions that put her in a more submissive position like doggy style or the folding deck chair. Thrust harder and talk dirty to her. Pull her hair firmly, but make sure you hold a large tuft of hair close to the roots so it doesn’t hurt. Place your hand around her throat like you’re choking her, but don’t apply any pressure. Just having your hand there is enough to create the impression of dominance without risk of hurting her.
Level 3: Hard
Be more vocal about what you want her to do and how you want her to do it. Administer light spanking if she doesn’t follow your orders precisely. Use spanking toys like whips, crops, and paddles. Use other toys like nipple clamps, and gags. Have her be completely naked while you still have most of your clothes on to tip the power dynamics in your favor. Be forceful enough with your thrusting and manhandling that the issue of using a safe word becomes relevant. You can pick your own safe word, but one option that eliminates all confusion is to use “green,” “yellow,” and “red” for “go,” “proceed with caution,” and “stop.” If/when you choke her, apply a little pressure, but read a few articles about the proper way to choke. You’re not crushing the windpipe. You’re applying light pressure to the arteries on the side of the neck. Have your woman dress submissively and spend time both in and out of bed serving you as her master.
Level 4: Professional
If you’ve never practiced domination in the bedroom then you shouldn’t begin your journey into BDSM at the most intense level. It’s only logical that you work your way up to using advanced toys and techniques. At this level, you definitely want to have read a few BDSM books and have gone to some fetish parties or clubs, which you should be able to find on the internet.
When done correctly any level of BDSM is empowering, loving and exciting for everyone involved. If you don’t think you’d be into even the lightest BDSM then you probably don’t understand what it is. It’s not a deviant taboo that only wicked perverts do. It’s for everyone. It’s not a line that you cross into sexual perversion. It’s an opportunity for you and your lover to explore each other mentally, physically and emotionally. It’s a natural way to have fun and bond.
It doesn’t cost anything to talk to your lover about spicing up your sex your life a little. You may be surprised to discover that your lover has been waiting to have that conversation with you.
If an American turned on their television in the 1950’s, they’d see women cooking and cleaning the house, and men going to work in business suits. Boys played with toy guns, and girls played with dolls. There were only two choices for sex and gender, but it wasn’t really a choice because the genitals you were born with determined how society expected you to behave. If you were born with a penis, you acted like Ward Clever, and if you were born with a vagina, you acted like June Clever.
In the 1950’s, American television culture was so prudish, sitcoms weren’t allowed to show married heterosexual couples in the same bed. So husbands and wives were always portrayed sleeping in separate twin-sized beds, fully clothed. When the children who grew up watching “Leave it to Beaver” became adults, they considered the sitcom, “Three’s Company” obscene, because it showed a single man living with two single females. To the old-timers’ dismay, “Three’s Company” was popular enough with the younger generation to last eight seasons.
In 2004, the Baby Boomers who grew up on “Three’s Company” considered “The L Word” obscene because it showed promiscuous lesbians living together and getting married. The only reason “The L Word” was allowed on television at all, was because it aired on late night cable, far from the impressionable eyes of children.
It didn’t take another twenty years for society to accept the next jump in which sexual norms are allowed to be shown on television. In less than a decade, the bonds of tradition loosened to the point that NBC (a family oriented channel) produced, “The New Normal,” a sitcom in which two gay men hire a woman to be a surrogate mother for their child.
If that wasn’t enough to give Baby Boomers heart attacks, they also had to come to terms with shows like “Ru Paul’s Drag Race” and “Keeping up with the Kardashians,” in which transsexuals openly demand to be celebrated. To the old-timers’ dismay, both of those shows are so popular with young people, they’ve already lasted more seasons than “Three’s Company.”
In the history of mankind, society has never changed this fast. The reason this is happening now is because technology is spreading information to people, who are learning more, faster than ever. Radio and TV were unprecedented, but the invention of the internet sped up communication exponentially, and its pace is still compounding. If things are changing so fast right now your head is spinning, it’s going to have spun completely off your body in twenty years because this whirlwind of change is only going to get faster.
Sexual orientation and gender norms have always been debated, but the conversation has never been this polarized or violent. The reason the national dialogue on sex and gender isn’t as calm as it was in the 1990’s is because we’re all in uncharted territory. The young, progressive liberals leading the charge are as lost as the elderly conservative curmudgeons who are holding onto tradition. Moderates in the middle are wondering who is less wrong.
For example, you used to be considered a liberal progressive if you believed in women’s right to work or homosexuals’ right to marry, but if the progressive social justice warriors get their way in 2017, when you fill out a job application that asks your gender, it will have to include 50-80 different types of gender pronouns your coworkers will have to address you by, according to your choice.
Don’t ask me to explain this chart. I don’t know.
To some of America’s social justice warriors, those pronouns aren’t enough to accurately label everyone. So they invented a chart explaining how sex and gender are part of a spectrum, which children can use to determine the nature of their gender and sexuality. Every American agrees freedom of choice is a good thing, but even moderate liberals laugh and cringe at The Gender Unicorn.
There actually is a degree of truth to the fluidity of sex and gender, but it’s more nuanced than social justice warriors or Christians are ready to admit. For starters, the traditional way of thinking about sex and gender is that there are only two possibilities. You’re either a boy with a penis or a girl with a vagina. Life isn’t that simple. Sex organs are determined by chromosomes. If you have an XY chromosome, you’ll be born with a penis and all the hormones that make you think and act masculine. If you have XX chromosomes, you’ll be born with a vagina and all the chromosomes that make you think and act feminine.
However, people are often born with a mismatched combination of chromosomes like XXY, XXXY, or just X. These genetic codes create mixed signals within people’s body. Some combinations will cause someone to have the body of one sex, but the mental wiring of the other. This makes them feel like they’re living in the wrong body, and no amount of will-power or philosophizing is going to change that. In these cases, getting a sex change is a drastic, but legitimate, choice.
Some conservatives argue this saying, “You may have the choice to cut your dick off, but how is that not insane?” Well, insanity is defined as “a pattern of mental or behavioral patterns that may be abnormal to social norms and definitely causes someone to be a danger to themselves or others.”
Chopping your dick off is definitely abnormal. It’s probably not going to cause you to harm other people, but the suicide rate among transsexuals is above average. So technically, being a transsexual fits the definition of insanity, but so does autism and ADHD. Down syndrome and neurofibromatosis are caused by abnormal chromosomes. So if you’re going to hate transsexuals for being born with a more difficult genetic makeup to manage than the average person, then you need to hate almost everybody.
Some transsexuals don’t have abnormal chromosomes, but their life experiences convinced them to seek a new identity. For example, I once met a man who got a sex change and lived as a woman. He was molested repeatedly by his father as a child, and he told me that at one point when he was being raped, it was like a switch went off in his head. He remembered thinking, “Daddy has sex with mommy, and daddy is having sex with me. So I must be a mommy.” The rest of his life was a downward spiral into confusion and self-destructive behavior. Technically, this person’s thoughts and behavior fit the definition of insanity, but if you’re going to hate him for that, you’re not trying to understand anything, and you’re one of the bad guys. Even if he made the wrong decision, that doesn’t mean he deserves to be hated.
On a lighter note, I once met a teenage girl who identified as a man, but she spent her evenings shopping for shoes on her smartphone and doing everything girls do, including dating guys. She got swept up in the social movement for sexual equality before she was old enough to understand genetics and found a niche that gave her an identity even though it didn’t truly fit her. She’ll undoubtedly grow out of it like I grew out of my heavy metal phase.Does this make her an insane piece of shit who deserves to be spat on? No. She’s just a naive kid trying to find herself, like the rest of us.
Her story doesn’t change the fact that there are more than two types of chromosome patterns humans can be born with. Transsexuals are real. If you can’t accept that, then you don’t believe in reality, which fits the definition of insanity. At the same time though, you don’t get to decide you’re a real transsexual just because it’s trendy.
If the poser transsexual I mentioned above wants to wear pants instead of dresses and get a job instead of raising children, her decision is amoral, not immoral. Scottish men wear kilts. Arab men wear a long, flowing garb called a thawb, which looks dress-like to Westerners. Different cultures all over the world, and throughout history, have assigned different gender roles to men and women, including how they dress, act and work.
These kind of gender differences are social constructs that we have social pressure to follow but no moral obligation. Anyone can dress however they want. Clothing patterns are a non-issue. If you believe you have a divine duty to enforce your parents’ dress code on everyone else, you’re intellectually lazy at best, and insane at worst.
Granted, telling a preschooler they get to choose how to define their sexuality and gender role for the rest of their life is setting them up for failure. If you tell a five-year-old boy he can be whatever he wants, he’s more likely to choose to be a dinosaur than a girl.
Kids don’t know what the hell is going on, and this is all the more reason we shouldn’t encourage girls to wear dresses and play with Barbies, and boys to wear pants and play with action figures. We’re indoctrinating kids with gender roles that wouldn’t matter if they were broken. In the cosmic scale of things, the clothes you wear don’t matter. They’re useful, but it’s unnecessary to force people to wear clothes that fit your fleeting cultural upbringing.
Another unnecessary social construct is the idea that everyone under the age of eighteen is going to be traumatized by seeing genitals. No other animal on the planet gets worked up over seeing genitals, and children who grow up in nudist colonies don’t leave traumatized. Their curse is having to live the rest of their lives wondering why everyone else is so uptight.
The solution to whether or not trans men should be allowed to use women’s bathrooms is to remove all gender segregation and let men and women piss, shit and shower together. This sounds outrageous if you’ve never experienced it, but that’s not because it’s crazy. It’s because you’ve been indoctrinated with your society’s cultural norms. If everyone walked around naked together, like in the shower scene in “Starship Troopers,” we would all just get on with our lives and not worry about other people’s bodies.
At some point, someone may get raped by sharing bathrooms, but I sincerely believe there will be fewer rapes overall because society’s sexual frustration level will be lower across the board. If we’re going to segregate the sexes and force people to hide their skin, then we can’t condemn cultures that force women to cover their entire bodies. They’re doing the same thing as you. They’ve just taken your moderate style of oppression and ran with it to its inevitable conclusion.
Who you choose to have sex with is just as much of a non-issue as what clothes you wear or who sees your genitals. Sexual attraction is partly determined by hormones and partly by choice. Either way, if you get stranded on a deserted island for the rest of your life, eventually, you’re going to fuck whatever is there, even if your only companion is a sheep.
It’s an understatement to say everyone is bi-sexual. Humans are omni-sexual. The most accurate way to define humans isn’t heterosexual or homosexual. We’re all just fuck-bots. When you remove the social pressure to only have one type of sex, people will fuck just about anything. This isn’t immoral. It’s amoral. It doesn’t matter where you stick your dick, what you stick inside of you, or what orifice you stick it in… as long as nobody gets hurt or is forced to do something against their will.
Everyone over the age of thirty has thought, even just for a second, about fucking something that isn’t a member of the opposite sex. Most of us have fucked our hand or a toy, but we don’t have a special name for that because we don’t care. Imagine if we told people that if you ever think about having sex with a pocket pussy, it makes you a latex-ophile, which is how you must have been born and thus how you have to identify yourself and behave.
There are undoubtedly millions of men and women who had a passing thought that they might like to have intercourse with someone of their own sex. But because society says only gay people think about that, people often assume their one-off fantasy must mean they’re gay and therefore have to wear rainbow flags and act flamboyant. If we’d all grown up believing humans are just horny fuck bots and it doesn’t matter how you achieve orgasm, we’d all get on with our lives and not end up basing our personality on our sexual fantasies.
I’m not saying it’s wrong to identify as gay. Some people have the right cocktail of hormones that predispose them to want to have gay sex. However, they’re not going to burst into flames if they decide to have heterosexual intercourse. So all I’m saying is it’s unnecessary to force people into conforming to a social group that fits their fantasies. Many militant homosexuals and heterosexuals alike are guilty of forcing this dichotomy on others.
In conclusion, progressives are correct that there are more than two choices for how to live. However, forcing people to pick one of eighty labels, and then demonizing people who don’t, is oppressive in exactly the same way as forcing people to pick between one of two labels and demonizing those who don’t fit your expectations. The left has become guilty of enforcing too many labels, and the right has been guilty of enforcing too few. The solution is to get rid of the need for any labels by not giving a fuck about other people.
Most people who read this probably won’t agree with half of what I’ve said, but I believe history will vindicate me. I believe the future will look like Star Trek, where everyone wears gender neutral onesies because people will have stopped worrying about socially constructed gender differences. There will also be men who wear dresses and women who wear combat boots. Everyone will be showering with each other and having casual sex. The world won’t end. Life will go on, and everyone will get more of what they want.
Most people alive today will be glad they won’t live to see the new world because they can’t let go of their traditions, which are based on archaic and intellectually lazy labels for sex and gender. If it’s any consolation, your children won’t have to pick their gender identity on a unicorn chart, and adults won’t have to pick between eighty different labels when they fill out employment applications because nobody will care enough to make that distinction.
“touching/kissing/licking each other in a stimulating manner, in order to become ‘turned on’ before having actual sex.”
Basically, these definitions say foreplay is stuff that happens before sex, but they don’t say what to do, how to do it, or why. To answer those questions, you have to understand a little about how the human body works.
Humans are basically brains connected to a mobile stimulation detector. The reality you experience is the sum product of a bowl full of chemicals in your skull. If you change the chemical composition in your brain bowl by adding a new chemical like L.S.D., you’ll change how you experience reality.
Every time your body experiences sensory stimulation, it changes the chemicals in your brain, which changes how you feel and what you want to do. When you get hurt, your brain produces endorphins that try to numb you. When you’re scared, it secretes adrenaline that sends you into a fight-or-flight panic. When you’re touched softly, it releases cortisol, which makes you relax. When you have sex, it produces oxytocin, which makes you feel high.
The more sexual stimulation your body experiences, the more sexual chemicals your brain releases. You have an orgasm when your chemical composition reaches a tipping point.
If foreplay is getting ready for sex, and people are bowls of chemicals attached to stimulation detectors, then my definition of foreplay is, “stimulating a person’s senses to produce the brain chemicals most conducive to sexual pleasure leading to orgasm.”
HOW LONG SHOULD FOREPLAY LAST?
Redundant studies have found it takes men 1-11 minutes of sexual sensory stimulation to prime their body chemistry enough to give them an erection and be able to orgasm. It takes 10-20 minutes of stimulation for women’s bodies to complete the hormonal changes necessary to relax/moisten their vagina and get them sex-drunk on oxytocin.
Everyone’s biology is a little different, but apparently, 10-20 minutes is a good amount of time to fool around before penetration. The consequence of not putting in the time is, you won’t have as strong of an orgasm as possible. If both partners are fine with this, and they just want to have sex and get to a quick boom at the end, that’s fine.
The more time you spend stimulating each other’s senses and minds, the stronger your orgasms will be. There’s an art to delayed sexual gratification. It’s called edging and/or tantric sex. Having nuclear orgasms is ideal when you have time to prepare them, but it’s not always necessary or practical to put that much time and effort into foreplay.
If you’re a high achiever, then aim for 30-40 minutes tops, but also consider how much chafing and boredom can happen in that time. 15-30 minutes is a much safer time frame.
However, mental and emotional foreplay can last all day though. If you stimulate your partner’s brain with positive words, sounds, smells, tastes, images, and physical stimulation throughout the day, you’ll pump sexual chemicals into their brain. So their arousal level will be higher than zero when you first touch them.
HOW DO YOU PERFORM FOREPLAY?
During foreplay, you should stimulate your partner with sights, sounds, smells, and tastes. Common sense can tell you how to do that. Wear nice underwear, light some scented candles, turn on some mood music, and brush your teeth. What you might be having trouble understanding is, what to do with your body? Here’s a list of options:
1: Ask your partner what they want you to do
Everyone is different. What worked best for your last partner might not work at all on your next. The most consistently successful lovers aren’t the best at reading minds. They’re the best at asking their partners what they want.
If neither of you knows what you like, then experiment with different techniques, modalities, and fetishes. Afterwards, talk about what you did and didn’t like about them. This will help you discover each others’ passions and create new ones together. That will keep your sex life burning bright, but you won’t get anywhere if you don’t communicate.
2: Make out and dry hump for twenty minutes
If you have no idea what to do during foreplay, you’re overthinking it. You need to stimulate your partner’s skin so their brain will produce sexual chemicals and increase blood flow to their genitals. All you have to do to accomplish that is make out and rub their genitals for a while. It may not be creative, but it’s intimate, and it gets the job done.
There’s no single right speed or intensity. The more you use your best technique, the more boring it will get. Alternate between being romantic and ravishing. All that matters is you’re in sync. So read your partner’s vibe, and go with the flow.
This advice applies to taking each other’s clothes off as well. How do you know if you should take your clothes off, or let them undress you? Should you undress them, or do you undress each other? Does one person go first, or do you do it together? Do you do it slowly or aggressively? Do whatever the situation calls for. If you need help, then turn on some sexy music, and move your body with the tempo, like you’re dancing. If it’s slow music, go slowly. If it’s fast, be rougher. Don’t think. Just go with the flow and do what you feel.
The most effective way to prep your partner’s body for sex, is to give them a full body erotic massage. If you caress their entire body, you’ll stimulate all their nerve endings, and it’ll take at least twenty minutes. That covers everything you need to warm up their sexual engine to cruising speed.
You don’t have to be a massage expert to give a good sensual massage. Just use soft, flowing, rhythmic movements, and glide your hands all over their body. You don’t need to impress your partner’s mind with fancy techniques. You just need to stimulate all their nerve endings.
My one suggestion would be to not focus too much on stimulating their genitals. Brush by them every once and a while, but don’t focus on them. Waiting and teasing will result in delayed gratification. It’ll make your partner want you to get to the sex, and the more they think about it, the more their body will respond by producing those sexual chemicals and increasing blood flow to their genitals.
There are tons of books, sites, and videos on the internet about the art of sensual, erotic, tantric massages. The more you teach yourself, the more confident you’ll feel when giving a massage. Then your partner will feel your confidence through your touch.
Particularly in women’s brain chemistry, safety equals sexy. When a man demonstrates he’s confident having sex with her, then her body will feel more comfortable having sex with him and send messages to her vagina to relax and get wet. If a man demonstrates insecurity and awkwardness leading up to sex, then her nerve endings report that to her brain, which may respond by chemically inducing feelings of insecurity in her, which can cause her body to shut down sexually to the point it won’t allow her vagina to get wet. So do your homework. Proper preparation prevents poor performance.
4: Caress each other
In foreplay, you need to stimulate your partner’s skin, but you don’t need a full body massage. You don’t even need to take your clothes off. Just reach your hand over, touch them, and move your hand around softly. You can caress them lightly, tracing your fingers up and down their body. Or you can hold and squeeze them. If you focus on impressing them with technical proficiency, then your touch is going to feel mechanical, impersonal, and self-indulgent. Your partner doesn’t want to be impressed by your technical skills. They want to feel needed. So touch them in a way that communicates desire.
If you want to spice things up a little more, you can caress them with something that feels good to the touch, like a feather tickler or rose. You can take this to the next level by caressing them with ice or drip melted wax on them. If that’s too intense or scary, find something that’s silky smooth. Then put it in the freezer or the microwave long enough to make it tantalizingly cool or warm.
5: Practice tantric sex
If/when you want to have foreplay that lasts a really long time, you can use tantric sex. There are lots of instructional books and websites. You should read, share and discuss them with your partner. It’s ironic so much has been said about tantric sex, because the point of it is you don’t do anything. Just sit in the yab yum position, and nuzzle your partner for an insanely long time.
If you constantly worry that you’re doing foreplay wrong, then try not being in control. Instead, buy a sex game that tells you what to do by picking cards, spinning wheels or rolling dice. This way, you don’t have to make any decisions. You’ll both have fun. Plus you’ll be able to practice foreplay techniques and learn what your partner likes.
7: Watch a sexy and/or scary movie
Watching a movie about a person accomplishing a goal stimulates the same regions of your brain as experiencing real-world success. In the same way, watching a sexy movie stimulates the sexual regions of your brain.
Since movies last longer than twenty minutes, you know your partner’s brain will have a lot of time to pump their veins full of sex hormones. If you caress each other and make out a little during the movie, you’ll accomplish everything you’re supposed to during foreplay. At that point, you can jump straight into sex, or pick another technique from this list to do for a while. If you’re both already pretty warmed up, you don’t have to worry about foreplay lasting a whole twenty minutes.
It might seem counter-intuitive to watch a scary movie to get someone in the mood, but there’s a logical reason why it can help you get laid. When you experience fear, your body produces adrenaline, which heightens your senses and makes you feel the need to fight or flight. You get a big rush of motivation to do something to release the tension. Your brain’s reaction to fear is to find safety and protection. If you hold your partner in your arms while they’re scared, their body chemistry will naturally respond to the fear by associating you with protection and comfort. That will make them feel good inside, and their body will want more of that positive feedback, which will make them want more of your touch.
This doesn’t always work, and it’s guaranteed to fail if you watch something gross and disturbing like “The Human Centipede.” For the best chances of success, pick a show that’s sexy and scary, like a slutty vampire flick.
If watching scary movies makes your brain produce adrenaline that can be rolled over into sexual excitation, then it stands to reason that you can accomplish the same effect by scaring your partner in real life. There’s an art form to BDSM that takes years to master, and you shouldn’t attempt it without reading several instructional books, websites and watching videos. You can start by reading my blog, “Advice to men on sexual domination and submissiveness.” If you really want to jump into the world of BDSM, then make a profile on fetlife.com and talk to some real aficionados.
The idea behind BDSM, is that one person pretends to be domineering, and the other pretends to be submissive. The “Dom” tells the “Sub” to do things like, “Take off your clothes.” “Kneel.” “Touch yourself.” “Touch me.” etc. When the Sub does something they’re not supposed to, the Dom punishes them with light amounts of pain by spanking, whipping, pinning, pushing, choking, scratching, burning, etc.
The point isn’t to be cruel. It’s to build trust. You begin by caressing the part of their body where you’re going to inflict pain. Then you administer a very tiny amount, followed by caressing the same spot. You alternate stimulating emotions of fear and comfort, which opens Pandora’s box of sexual chemistry. Then, after the BDSM session is over, you engage in aftercare, which means you snuggle lovingly for as long as it takes to confirm the Sub is with a Dom who truly cares about them and isn’t just a selfish, sadistic jerk.
9: Oral sex
You don’t need to have oral sex every time you have foreplay, and you don’t need to bring your partner to climax every time you go down on them. When should you do it, and for how long? There’s no wrong answer. Just do whatever feels good.
Having said that, there are some guidelines to consider. First, oral sex is one of the fastest ways to stimulate blood flow to your partner’s genitals. So it might seem like a good place to start, but that’s like starting a car engine and then slamming the gas pedal to the floor. This would be effective when you know you don’t have a lot of time and want to get to the sex quickly, but oral sex is most pleasurable when your sex organ is already throbbing with passion, particularly for women.
During the first 1-10 minutes of foreplay, a blowjob is a great way to rev up a man’s engine, and for women who enjoy giving head, it warms them up as well. Once a man is fired up, he’s not going to lose his momentum if you switch to something less stimulating.
For women, the best way to prime their body for orgasm is to start your foreplay session soft and slow, then build up speed and intensity to a crescendo without ever losing momentum. If you start fast and heavy, then slow down and speed up, over and over again, then she’ll ride a wave of hormones towards orgasm, then lose it and have to build it back up again. The more times she has to start over, the more frustrated she’ll become until her body just gives up. So, you might not want to play your strongest hand first.
It’s typically not a good idea to fellate a man all the way to orgasm before sex because he’ll need to take a break for at least five minutes before he can get hard again, if at all. With women, it depends on her mood. Sometimes she’d rather get her orgasm first, so she can sit back and enjoy sex without having to wonder if she’ll get an orgasm today. Other times, they prefer saving the orgasm until during or after sex, so it releases all the tension from foreplay and fucking at once. The best way to know which kind of orgasm she wants is to ask. Though, guys wouldn’t have to, if girls would just tell men what they want.
For a basic foreplay session, try making out and caressing each other for 10-15 minutes, then go down on each other. You can do it one at a time, or in the 69 position. Sometimes foreplay should be about both people pleasing each other, but it’s also good to take turns making it all about your partner. When you’re having a worshiping session, go down on your partner and then proceed to the sex without expecting anything in return.
For more information on oral sex, read these two blogs:
Handjobs and fingering follow slightly different rules. Penises usually aren’t overly sensitive when they’re flaccid. So it’s okay to begin foreplay by stroking his cock. It’s a fast and effective way to get him in the mood and stoke his desire for you.
Before a woman has been properly aroused for at least ten minutes, her vagina will probably be sensitive, dry and tight. So if the first thing you do in a foreplay session is cram a bunch of fingers inside her, you’re going to hurt her and trigger her body’s defense mechanisms.
Fingering a woman after she’s been warmed up, is a good way to loosen her up a little bit more and make her body want deeper penetration. There are women out there with fingering fetishes, who enjoy getting finger banged for 5-10 minutes straight. Most often, when women are turned on and yearning for penetration, she’s hungry for cock. Fingering is just teasing, which is erotic but only in small doses. If you’re a virgin and don’t know anything about vaginas, don’t finger bang them at all. You’ll probably do more damage than good.
When fingering a woman, start slow, and penetrate her deeper gradually. Don’t push in until she’s wet enough for your finger to slip in fluidly. Virgins who assume all women love big cocks, also assume the more fingers you can cram in a vagina, the better it will feel. There are some girls who like getting fisted, but 99 times out of 100, women would rather you just use one, or two fingers at most.
A vagina is a sex organ, and the best way to stimulate a sex organ is to massage the part with the most nerve endings. On a woman, that’s the clit, which is outside the vagina. So you should be stimulating that with your tongue, a toy or your other hand, while you’re fingering her.
On the surface, the clitoris looks like a tiny nub, but it extends inside the woman’s body another inch or so, right above the roof of the vaginal canal. If you push up on the roof, you can stimulate the clitoris from the inside. This area is known as the G-spot. Every girl likes their clit internally massaged differently. Ask her, and experiment, but understand that less is usually more. The simplest way to hit the G-spot is to stick your finger all the way in, press it against the roof, and draw it all the way out, slowly. This will guarantee you hit as much of it as possible. Just keep doing that rhythmically, and it will have a positive effect.
11: Self-stimulation
Instead of stimulating each other, you and your partner can watch each other stimulate yourselves. It may seem awkward and embarrassing at first glance, but that’s exactly why you should do it. You get to see a side of each other most people won’t. You get to share yourself laid bare, while simultaneously experiencing the rush of voyeurism.
Your partner knows you feel vulnerable. That’s part of what makes masturbating in front of them so hot. It shows courage and trust. Plus, seeing you experience pleasure stimulates the same regions of their brain as when they experience pleasure. You’re basically mind-fucking them, and they love it. Best of all, it shows them how you like to be pleasured.
Note: Every guy is a little different, and they have their own likes/dislikes. If you want to know how to please your man, ask him. If he doesn’t know what he likes or you don’t want to ask, this guide is a good starting point.
Step 1: The Build Up
You don’t have to wine and dine a guy to get him in the mood to enjoy a blowjob. Men’s lust might turn on and off like a light switch, but human sex organs aren’t light switches. They need to be stimulated and aroused. The longer and harder you stimulate them the more powerful of an orgasm they’ll produce. You can begin stimulating the sex hormones in your man’s body long before you put his cock in your mouth. Here are a few ways to do that:
1: Sext him throughout the day and tell him erotic things.
2: Send him sexy pictures of you.
3: Be naked or wear sexy lingerie around him.
4: Do a sexy dance for him and give him a lap dance.
5: Practice edging on him over the course of a few hours.
6: Caress his cock throughout the day.
7: Straddle him naked and massage his cock with your vagina.
Step 2: The Approach
There are a lot of positions you can go down on a guy in, and they all have their time and their place. The simplest, most reliable position is to have him lie on his back or sit in a chair and you position yourself on your stomach or knees between his legs. However, know that this position will get monotonous for both of you if that’s the only position you ever give him a blowjob from.
There’s no single right way to instigate a blowjob. You can undress your man and kiss your way down to his groin or just unzip his pants and take his cock out. Don’t over-think your approach. You don’t have to kiss and caress every inch of his body or put a ton of work into erotically maneuvering your way between his legs. Chances are your man isn’t over-thinking what you’re doing. He’s probably just thinking, “Yes! I’m going to get a blowjob!”
Step 3: The Meet and Greet
When you first put your mouth on his cock, don’t go straight into a mechanical rocking motion. Spend 1-3 minutes caressing the entire length of his cock sensually with your hands, lips, and tongue. It’s not important exactly what you do, as long as what you’re doing is fluid and sensual. You’re just making him feel comfortable and tantalizing him, prepping him for what’s to come. The point is to use this time to express your passion subjectively through your dancing touch for at least 1-3 minutes.
One thing you should strongly consider doing during this time is fondling his balls with your hands and/or tongue. It’s an easy, simple, efficient and effective way to directly stimulate a man’s sex organs, and if you want your man to cum, you need to stimulate his sex organs, because that’s how men cum… by having their sex organs stimulated.
Ladies, think of your man’s balls as sort of like your labia. If a guy goes down on you without caressing and licking your labia at all, you can still have an orgasm if he works your clit the right way, but it would have been a more fulfilling experience if he would have given your labia a little attention somewhere in there. Guys’ balls are the same way.
Step 4: Getting Down to Business
The meet and greet stage is warm and cozy, and it serves a legitimate purpose in building a man up to orgasm, but it will probably take a long, long time to bring your man to orgasm by only using random licks and puckers. The same is true when giving cunnilingus to a girl. There quickly comes a point where you need to get down to the mechanical business of directly stimulating the most sensitive part/s of your partner’s sex organs with repetitive motions in order to rock them to orgasm.
The most sensitive part of a man’s penis is the head. Of that, the most sensitive part is the base/rim of the head closest to the shaft. To stimulate it, curl your lips into your mouth so they cover your teeth and put your mouth over the head of the penis. Press your mouth down over the penis and move your head up and down over the base of the head. Covering your teeth with your lips will give you a soft surface to massage his penis with. Not covering your teeth will cut, stab and hurt him. The more soft tissue in your mouth that touches the penis, the better it will feel for the man. So push your tongue up against his cock as well. Don’t over-think this. The goal is just to have as much of your soft tissue touching as much of his soft tissue as possible. Then go forward and backward like you’re giving a hand job with your face. You can get a little zany for the first 1-5 minutes of a blowjob, but 1/3 of the way through the blowjob you’re going to need to settle on one motion and rhythm and stick with it. More about that later.
If you don’t know how much pressure to squeeze with your hand or mouth, ask him. It won’t ruin the mood. It will show that you’re attentive and resourceful. The true test of how good your blowjob is, isn’t how confidently you impressed your man with your pre-existing skills. The test is how good of an orgasm you gave him.
The most sensitive part of the penis is the base of the head, but the shaft is still sexually sensitive and should not be neglected. You can stimulate the shaft one of two ways. The first way is to take your man’s cock all the way into your mouth until your lips are pressing against the pubic hair around the base of his shaft. This will feel good, but it takes pressure away from the base of the head. So this is a good thing to do a little of during this stage of the blowjob, but you wouldn’t necessarily want to do this for the entirety of the blowjob. It won’t stimulate his head enough, which will make him take longer to orgasm, which means you’ll have to do more work.
The other way to stimulate the shaft is by using one or both of your hands. You can even use one of your hands to fondle your man’s balls while using the other to jerk off his shaft while using your mouth to stimulate the head of his penis. You can also use one or both hands to jerk off the shaft from the top of the head to the base of the shaft, and during the down-strokes (when your hands aren’t touching his head) you can use your mouth to stimulate the head. This method will stimulate him from top to bottom simultaneously. If you never do this then you’re working harder than you have to. Your hands are doing most of the work, and your mouth is getting most of the credit. Just be sure to really lubricate his shaft well with spit or lube before jerking him off.
Whichever combination of these methods you use, do them fluidly and repetitively for a while. It may help to play sexy music with a steady, medium-paced beat to time your strokes to. Don’t keep switching things up. At this stage in the blowjob, repetition will get you farther than creativity. Your man needs to get used to what you’re doing and have time to enjoy it. Every time you change gears, he changes gears and has to spend more time getting used to what you’re doing.
To recap: Start off slow and gradually build up speed (the same is true for a guy going down on a girl). Get a little frisky in the beginning, but settle into a steady, medium pace and keep doing that until you reach Stage 3.
Step 5: The Crescendo
There’s no exact time frame for how long the second stage of oral sex should last. You have to read your man’s body language to determine when he’s getting close to cumming. His dick may get larger and harder. You may taste more and more precum. He might breathe, writhe and moan harder. He may start pumping his cock into your mouth. If he does that, he’ll finish quicker if you let him, because he’s doing what feels good to him (and his pleasure is what brings him to orgasm). In that sense, he’s doing you a favor by taking over some of the muscular workload and responsibility for using proper technique.
When you get the sense that he’s at least three-quarters of the way to an orgasm, it’s time to take things to the next level. At this point, your goal is to push him over the finish line. Now is the time to really focus on stimulating the head of his cock (particularly the base/rim). You can do this by bearing down on his head with your mouth and/or shortening the strokes with your hand to exclude the bottom portion of the shaft of the penis so that most of the attention is on the head.
Your movements (with your head and/or your hands) should get a little faster at this point, but beware that jerking him off and blowing him as fast as possible will probably just confuse the nerves in his body and possibly numb the skin you’re trying to stimulate (just like how you don’t really feel anything when a guy licks your clit too fast).
This is not the time to get creative. If you’re doing something that has pushed your man to stage 3, don’t start doing something different. What you’re doing is working. You just need to speed up what you’re doing a little bit and apply a little more pressure. Do that, and you’ll probably bring him to orgasm pretty quickly.
Step 6: The Orgasm
The prospects of having a man shoot a load of sperm into your mouth are understandably concerning. How do you know when it will happen? Will it go down your throat? If you can catch it in your mouth, do you swallow it? Does taking it in your mouth make you a slut? Does swallowing it make you an even bigger slut? Will it taste horrible? If you don’t take it in your mouth then where do you aim it, and what do you do with it?
The best way to know for sure when a guy is about to cum is to ask him (before you go down on him) to tell you when he’s about to cum. If he has a problem with that then he’s probably a jerk and you shouldn’t be going down on him. If he doesn’t expressly say he’s about to cum he may instinctively make a loud groan or yell. His cock may swell and stiffen, and/or his fast-paced breathing may reach a crescendo.
When he does cum he may shoot several loads. The first load may be small, followed by a large one and then a few after shots. The first load may be the biggest, followed by several smaller ones. There may just be one medium or small sized load. The more edging you’ve done, the more he’s turned on, the longer he’s gone without sex, and the better his diet is, the more likely he is to shoot bigger loads.
There’s nothing morally wrong with taking cum in your mouth or swallowing it. Quite the opposite, one could argue that a load of cum is an expression of passion, a gift from one lover to another. Savoring a load of your lover’s cum in your mouth is tantamount to savoring a box of chocolates given to you by your lover on Valentine’s Day. And let’s be honest. You wouldn’t have any moral reservations about your man getting your juices in his mouth when he goes down on you. Well, his juices are as equally wonderful and respectable as yours.
There’s nothing shameful about having cum in your mouth. However, if you simply aren’t ready to accept a throat full of cum for whatever reason, you can always spit it into a napkin or catch as much of it as you can with your hand and discard it hygienically. If you just let the guy blow his load all over his stomach he probably won’t care. He’ll probably just be happy he had a great release. Though, one of you will need to clean it up.
Regardless of what happens to his cum, some guys are bashful about kissing a girl after they’ve had their mouth on his cock. These men are immature and need to accept the glorious sloppiness of sex. There’s nothing morally impure about kissing someone after they’ve gone down on you. It’s no more “icky” than any other of fluid swapping that happens during sex. It’s just part of sex, and any guy who disagrees needs to get the stick out of their ass. Having said that, if a guy doesn’t want to kiss you until you brush your teeth after going down on him then you should respect his wishes and consider going down on someone else next time.
When you’re planning what to do with a penis in your mouth that is about to burst with cum, take into consideration that a moment or two after he cums, the head of his penis will be so sensitive that it will be painful to touch for maybe 5-15 seconds. So when he cums, don’t keep stroking him expecting him to just keep cumming. The head of his penis won’t keep cumming. It will just start burning. You can tenderly stroke the shaft of the penis though. That’s fine and dandy.
Other Pointers:
Most heterosexual men are hesitant to have a woman play with his anus. However, any man who is confident and adventurous to experiment with anal play will be rewarded with mind-blowing orgasms because the male equivalent of the female G-spot is inside his anus. To reach the male G-spot, simply insert your finger or sex toy into his anus and press upwards so that you’re pressing up against the base of the internal sex organs. Then rub in and out or in fluid circles. That will stimulate his sex organs from the inside out, and that’s a reliable way to give a man an overwhelming orgasm. This has nothing to do with sexual orientation. That’s just objective science. Ejaculations are produced by stimulating sex organs. So stimulating sex organs from the inside out and the outside in produce full-bodied orgasms. That’s how orgasms work.
You can stimulate the male G-spot before and/or during the actual blowjob. It’s a good way to warm him up, and it feels even better when it’s being done while he ejaculates. Either way, talk to him about it before you do it as he may not want you to. If you do it, use lots and lots and lots of lube. Start very slowly, and unless you’re both anal pros, don’t finger bang him, because you might damage tissue that is very painful and slow to heal.
You may not like the idea of going down on a man at all, much less licking his balls or fingering his anus because you think it’s either gross, demeaning or spiritually immoral. If you feel that way I’d like to share some reasons why I believe you should reconsider your perception of sexual taboos.
Sticking your lover’s cock in your mouth, licking his balls, and fingering his ass isn’t icky, demeaning activities. They’re profoundly intimate activities. Making love is about experiencing your partner as intimately as possible, and that’s what these activities do. That’s what they are. They’re physically, emotionally, and spiritually intimate connections between you and your lover. There’s nothing spiritually unclean about expressing your affection for another person by engaging in intimacy. So there’s no reason you should withhold these cosmically beautiful experiences from yourself or your lover.
If you’re not impressed by these philosophical justifications, then consider this down to earth observation. When done correctly, the activities I’m talking about are extremely, extremely, extremely pleasurable for a man. Pleasure makes men happy. It might not make him happy forever, but we’re not going to live forever anyway. Life is lived right now. Right now is our only opportunity to be happy. If you give your man a blowjob right now, he’ll be happy right now. If you care about him, then don’t you want him to be happy? Because blowjobs make men happy.
People want to be around people who care about them and make them feel good. People don’t want to be around people who don’t care about them and make them feel bad. People want to spend the rest of their lives with the people who care about them the most and makes them feel the best. And nothing says, “I care about you,” more than putting someone’s cock in your mouth. It’s proof positive of your feelings. It’s emotionally gratifying to a man to receive a blowjob, and guys really want to be with someone who makes them feel that good.
It takes more than good blowjobs to woo a man. You have to make him feel good emotionally too. And what message does it send him if you don’t want to put his cock in your mouth because you think it’s icky and repulsive or daunting? You’re telling him that his dick is a revolting, unlovable piece of trash. Men’s dicks are very important to them. They love them. They name them. They base a portion of their self-worth on them. If you’re going to insult their manhood by rejecting it you may as well just kick them in their disgusting balls, because that’s what you’re doing to them emotionally. For these reasons and more, you should want to give your man blowjobs, lick his balls, and finger his anus.
The premise of this philosophy is drawn from my overall philosophy on ethics: Every living being is equally valuable and entitled to the same inalienable rights. Everyone is entitled to the freedom to live, grow, and exercise their free will as long as it doesn’t interfere with another person’s rights. Any action that doesn’t hurt another person or interfere with their growth/will is permissible. Any rule that has no real logical justification but tells you an action is immoral even if it doesn’t hurt anyone or impede anyone’s growth will only serve to hurt people and impede their growth.
Humans are born with a powerful sex drive. We’re all addicted to sex. Even if (or rather, especially if) we’re not having sex we still crave it as strongly, and sometimes more so, than food or water. This addiction is mostly indiscriminate. We all have our fetishes and preferences, but for the most part, our body just tells us, “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.” It’s actually not even that discriminating. It’d probably be more accurate to say it tells us, “Ejaculate. Ejaculate. Ejaculate. Ejaculate. Ejaculate. Ejaculate. Ejaculate.”
Mother Nature (by any other name) designed us to fuck and ejaculate our brains out, and if we choose not to then our bodies were designed with an override switch that frustrates us and makes us more and hornier until it breaks our will and more or less forces us to fuck or at least ejaculate. So we should ejaculate for our own mental health and for the safety of others so that our override switch doesn’t get flipped. However, you bring yourself to orgasm, as long as it doesn’t hurt another person or impede their growth/will, is morally permissible.
Our DNA predisposes us to be generally attracted to one sex or the other, but that general attraction neither permanent nor a moral imperative. Everyone will have cultural deviant fantasies in their life, and this isn’t a moral flaw. It’s by design. Our bodies are designed to be omnisexual. Labels for sexual orientation and fetishes are products of culture. At the end of the day, underneath our skin, we’re all just horny animals, and that’s okay.
If you want to live a safe, mentally healthy life you need to accept yourself for what you are, a sexual being. Masturbate with confidence. Use sex toys with confidence. Have premarital sex with confidence. Have gay sex with confidence. Just practice your sexuality responsibly, which is to say, in a way that respects your obligation to live, grow, exercise your free will and not harm anyone else or impede their right to grow/will.
Note 1: All women are different. You need to communicate with yours to find out exactly what she wants, but if you don’t have a chance to ask, or she won’t tell you, then this guide is a good starting point.
Note 2: This guide is pretty long. So here’s a short summary if you don’t have time to read the whole thing: Get her in the mood. Turn her on and make her feel special and relaxed. Then lick, kiss, and caress around her vagina for a minute or two. Spend the rest of the time licking her clit rhythmically and rubbing the index finger in and out of her vagina while pressing against the roof. Start slow and gradually speed up, but don’t go too fast. When you find something that works, stick with it until she cums. After she’s done, cuddle with her.
Step 1: Get Her in the Mood
It doesn’t take much more than the sight of a woman to get a man in the mood, and men can have a powerful orgasm by having sex with a woman they’re not emotionally or physically attracted to. Women can too, but as a general rule, their bodies work a little different.
Women’s bodies are more tied to their minds. This means the better they feel emotionally, the better their orgasms will be. In fact, if a woman feels unsafe and insecure enough going into a sexual encounter, then her locked up mind will lock up her body as well, and she might not be able to have an orgasm at all. If you go down on her the right way she might still be able to have an orgasm despite her anxieties, but in order to give her the best orgasm possible you need to get her in the mood first.
If you’ve been with the same woman for a long time you’re obviously not going to spend hours setting the mood every time you’re intimate, but you can always do something, and every bit helps. If you have a one night stand or somehow suddenly find yourself in the position to go down on a girl and haven’t all day to woo her, you can still at least tell her the things that make her feel special and romanced. Here are a few techniques for getting a girl in the mood:
2: Compliment her. Tell her she’s beautiful and special. She put a lot of work into looking nice; compliment whatever she put the most effort into.
3: Talk to her in the morning and tell her you’re going to pamper and tease her all night and give her an epic orgasm. Tell her to think about that all day.
4: Sext her throughout the day and tell her erotic things.
5: Tell her you love her or at least that she’s important to you.
6: Touch her erotically and teasinglyperiodically throughout the day or over the course of a few hours before anyone gets naked.
7: Give her a gift. Anything is better than nothing. If the gift is delivered to her in front of her friends and/or frenemies then you win.
8: Take her out for a nice dinner at a classy place or cook her a classy meal. Or just give her one chocolate strawberry. Anything.
9: Create a romantic environment that engages as many of the senses as possible. Use candles, music, aromas, dim lights, soft fabric, and make sure the room is clean and classy.
10: Watch a sexy movie.
11: Get her to read some erotic fiction or you could read it to her yourself.
12: Give her a full body erotic massage.
The last item in this list is important enough to emphasize. Giving a girl a full body erotic massage is possibly the best thing you can do to prime her mind and body before going down on her. It gives her time to acclimate to being naked. It shows her that you care. It relaxes her body, which in turn eases any mental anxiety she may have, which in turn makes her body more willing and able to experience a full orgasm later. Plus, an erotic massage is obviously going to get anyone horny. The longer she’s horny the more the delayed gratification will build up inside of her.
Again, you don’t have to spend all day wooing and massaging a woman to give her a good orgasm, but the bigger the build-up, the better the orgasm. If you skip all of this and just go down on her right away there will be little to no build up and thus no pressure to release, and she might still be holding onto anxieties from a hard day’s work or insecurities about her body or her decision to share herself with you.
Step 2: The Approach
Once your girl’s clothes start coming off, you need to read her emotional needs to decide how she wants you to transition from kissing to performing cunnilingus. Sometimes it’s best to go down on her aggressively before she even has all of her clothes off. Sometimes it’s best to kiss every curve on her body first and tease her by grazing past her nether region teasingly over and over before settling down.
The important thing to remember here is that you don’t master sex by memorizing women’s pressure points and then striking them in the right sequence. Sex is less like Karate and more like Tango. Sex isn’t something you do to someone else. It’s something you do together; it’s a dance. Good tango dancing requires the dancing partners to read each other, communicate with each other and play off each other. In really good tango the dancers aren’t just performing synchronized calisthenics. They’re connected on an emotional level, and they express their shared emotional experience through the movements of their bodies. That’s how good sex happens. So if you want my advice on how to transition from kissing a girl’s lips to putting your head between her legs, I would say, “Listen to the music, and dance your way there.“
Once you’re finally ready to go down on her, lay her on her back. There are lots of creative positions you can perform cunnilingus from, and they’re all worth exploring, but for a girl to have the best orgasm possible she needs to be able to relax and concentrate on nothing but you going down on her. She can’t be any more relaxed than when she’s laying flat on her back with a pillow behind her head and one under her butt. I don’t know why, but elevating women’s hips seems to help them achieve orgasm. So laying her flat on her back with her hips propped up is a reliable go-to position.
Step 3: Stimulate the Labia
When you finally get your head between her legs you have 1-2 minutes to be creative and do whatever you want. Don’t worry about technique right now. You can kiss, caress and lick anywhere in and around the pussy however you want. There’s no wrong way to do this. You just need to be sensual and physically express your passion. This is emotionally satisfying for her, and it stimulates blood flow to her sex organs, which will prime them to achieve orgasm. You only want to do this for a minute or two though, because random, chaotic movements, no matter how sensual they are, aren’t likely to give a girl an orgasm.
After you’ve given the groin area a sweet meet and greet you’re ready to get a little more scientific with your technique. Start from the outside of the vagina and work your way inward beginning with the labia majora. Lick your thumbs and her labia majora until it’s completely wet. Here’s why you’re worried about moistening both your thumbs and the labia majora. Next time you’re in the bathroom, rub your thumb on the mirror. Notice how rough that is? Now lick your thumb and rub it on the mirror. Notice how much smoother that is? Now lick your thumb and the mirror, and rub your thumb on the mirror where you licked it. Notice how that feels even smoother? That’s what the girl is feeling between her legs. Also, jam a cactus between your legs sometime. That’s what a girl feels when you go down on her with a five-o’clock shadow.
Once you’ve got the labia majora wet, massage it and the surrounding area lightly with your thumbs. Do small, fluid circles or slide your thumbs up and down the length of the lips for 10-30 seconds eventually working your way to rubbing the inner lips (the labia minora) without penetrating the vagina. Slower movements are usually better than faster movements.
There are two reasons why you’re massaging on and around the labia. First of all, the girl probably isn’t wet enough inside for you to stick your finger in her vagina, and you’re going to need to stick a finger or two inside her eventually. Even if your fingers are covered in enough lube to make up for her being dry, you should still let her get wet on her own, because getting wet is her body’s way of saying she’s ready for penetration. Massaging the labia will help her vagina moisten and relax.
The other reason it’s important to massage her labia is because when her vagina gets attention inside and out she’ll have a stronger orgasm. Think of a blowjob. Just having your dick sucked is great by itself, but if the girl massages you’re balls in the process, then so much the better. Massaging her labia is sort of equivalent to massaging your balls. You don’t want to focus all your attention there, but she’s missing out if it’s ignored completely.
Step 4: Stimulate the Clitoris
After spending 1-3 minutes doing your meet and greet and massaging the labia majora and minora you’re ready to proceed to Step 4. At the beginning of this step, you’re actually going to be licking the clit at the same time as you’re massaging the labia.
If you don’t know where the clit is, stick one finger inside the girl’s vagina. Now trace that finger straight up pulling your finger out of the vagina. Keep moving your finger straight upwards along her skin in the direction of the belly button. About a quarter of an inch above the opening of the vagina your finger should snag on a little hood-shaped piece of skin. When that happens the tip of your finger should be pointing directly at the clit under the hood. The clit should feel like a small bump. If you can’t find it on your own it’s better to ask for directions than to never get there, because if you can’t get there then she won’t get to cum. I can’t stress this enough, the clit is the whole point of going down on a girl, and until you get there you’re missing the point.
When you get there, don’t try to be creative. I’ve read in several men’s magazines that a great way to make a girl cum is to spell out the alphabet with your tongue on the clit. I’m convinced they tell you this to make sure you remain sexually inept so you have to keep buying men’s magazines for advice. The alphabet thing doesn’t work because it’s not rhythmic.
Women need constant rhythm to orgasm just like men. When you get a blowjob or a hand job, you don’t want the girl to be stroking you chaotically and licking you all over the place randomly the whole time. You want her to give you rhythmic strokes that get progressively faster without ever getting too fast, and once she gets to a good pace you don’t want her to change anything, because when you’re right on the verge of cumming and all of a sudden the girl starts doing something different you’ll be laying there screaming in your head, “Damn, you were almost there! I was obviously enjoying that. So why did you stop doing that?!” The same thing happens to girls.
You don’t have to worry about her getting bored with what you’re doing. She won’t. Pretty much all she needs you to do is go up and down with your tongue like the Karate Kid painting a fence or like turning a light switch on and off with your tongue. If you cut the tendon on the bottom of your tongue on your bottom row of teeth then you’re going way too crazy with your tongue.
Licking side to side with your tongue may feel good to her, but your tongue will get tired faster than licking up and down. So that technique is better suited for the meet and greet phase than getting down to business.
The only other technique that most girls like is having you suck their clit sort of like you’re giving a blowjob to a tiny penis. You can suck it up and down or suck it between your lips and then, while you have it trapped there, lick it with your tongue like a tiny lollipop. You can really get a good grip on a clit that way, especially if/when they harden, which happens to some girls the closer they are to cumming.
Whatever you do, start off lightly and slowly. The clit tends to be sensitive at first. Plus, women need to settle into the experience of being gone down on and get their thoughts straight. Think about this: If a girl grabbed your flaccid penis and started stroking it as hard and as fast as she could you would not be happy about that (most of the time). But if a girl did a strip tease for you, then kissed your body up and down before giving you a slow, sensual blowjob that gradually sped up to fucking-speed….then you would have a memorable orgasm. Girls’ minds and bodies work the same way.
Step 5: Fingering
So you’ve been licking the clit and massaging the labia for a minute or two. In this time you’ve increased the speed of your licking a little. If you’re lucky, the girl will give you a sign that it’s time to step it up a notch: moaning, heaving, wetness, hardened nipples or the clit hardening and growing minutely taller. You won’t always get a clear sign though. A day will come when you’ll just have to guess.
You could always ask, but it might kill the mood. Then again, if you’re completely lost, you’re already killing the mood. If you do have to ask, don’t ask apologetically and insecurely. Ask confidently or playfully. You can ask her forcefully if that’s the tune you’ve been dancing to. Just find a way to work it into your dance.
After massaging the labia and licking the clit for a minute or two, stop massaging the labia. Then take the hand that you write with and lick the fingers you’re going to stick into the vagina. You want to use the hand you write with, because you have more control of that hand, and it’ll take longer to get tired. Don’t lube your fingers up with lube, because that would keep you away from the clit too long, and that will give the girl time to cool down, which neither of you want. Get your fingers as wet as possible as quickly as possible, and then insert one or two fingers into the vagina with your palm facing up.
You want this to be comfortable for the girl. So don’t try to cram as many fingers in as possible. You might even want to start with one and work your way up to two or three after her vagina loosens up, but only use three fingers if they fit easily. If you’re unsure how many fingers you should use, then only use one. You might think one finger is too little because it doesn’t fill her up, but you don’t need to fill her up. You need to rub the roof of the vagina without hurting her.
Once you start fingering the vagina with your writing-hand, then your non-writing-hand is just going to get in your way if you try to keep stimulating the labia with it. You can use that hand to lift the girl’s ass to help you reach her clit or play with her breasts or caress her wherever. Do whatever you want. Just know that if you do too much with that hand you run the risk of distracting her from what your tongue is doing.
Before your finger penetrates the vagina, you should tease her opening. Stick the tip in and out playfully. Then stick your finger in up to your knuckle a few times. Then slide your finger all the way in. Feel free to do this for a whole minute. Teasing the vagina by penetrating it in stages helps the girl’s mind and body acclimate to being penetrated. So instead of being shocked by having a foreign object unceremoniously crammed inside her, she’ll yearn for your finger to go deeper and deeper into her personal space. The emotional comfort and delayed gratification will give her a better orgasm. If you do this too long, it will dry out her vagina and start to chafe.
Once you get your finger/s all the way in you can give her vagina an internal meet and greet by caressing her tunnel however you think will convey your passion for her… for a minute at most. After the initial internal meet and greet, don’t bother rubbing the bottom or the sides of the vagina. Don’t bother making circles to touch all 360 degrees of the tunnel unless the girl is really tight and you need to loosen the vagina up for sex afterward. Don’t worry about reaching the very back of the vagina. There’s not a pot of gold back there. The trick isn’t to go deep. The trick is to be sensual and to cover the length of the G-spot.
Don’t get stressed out about finding its exact location; it’s not a point like the clit. It should reallybe called “the G area,” and that area is the roof of the vagina just past the opening. If your fingertips feel ridges on the roof of the vagina then you’re probably there, but every girl feels different. The G-spot is unlikely to be deeper than one inch past the opening. Sometimes it can be immediately past the opening on the inner lip of the pubic bone.
Here’s a reliable way to hit the G-spot. Insert your finger all the way in her vagina with your palm facing up. Then slide your finger all the way out while pressing your finger against the roof. When you do that it will be impossible to miss the G-spot.
Another way to find the G-spot is to stick your index finger just inside the vagina and press upwards, then hold your finger there while you lick her clit. She may rock her hips until your finger hits the right spot. Even if she couldn’t tell you where her G-spot is, she’ll know when you hit the spot that feels good. Then you’ll know exactly where her pleasure spot is. If she doesn’t wiggle into position, then you won’t learn anything or accomplish anything by motionlessly holding your finger against the roof of her vagina. So you may want to try this technique for a few seconds and abandon it if it doesn’t yield any results.
Don’t finger-bang the vagina unless you know she likes it rough or she keeps gyrating her hips to simulate being finger banged. If she does, then oblige her, but beware that finger banging too soon can wear our your arm muscles veryquickly. You don’t want to get her worked up and then have to stop using your hands altogether. That will be disappointing to her and set back her progress towards orgasm.
Here’s another reason you should be wary of finger-banging. Think about getting a hand job. There’s a point where the girl can stroke you so fast that you don’t feel anything and/or the friction numbs your cock. The same thing can happen to a girl.
When in doubt, don’t finger bang. Just keep sticking your finger all the way in and pulling it all the way out (while pressing against the roof of the vagina) or give the roof a rhythmic, sensual massage like you’re massaging a flower. You can change things up a little by sliding your fingers to the left and right like a snake slithering. You can also just massage the roof in circles like massaging your temples when you have a headache. The wildest you should possibly get is twisting your wrist back and forth so that your fingers make a corkscrew motion.
You can do combinations of these techniques, but don’t keep switching it up. If you do one method, do it for a while. If you change, stick with that for a while. Give her time to get into what you’re doing. And make sure that whatever you’re doing you do it fluidly. Herky-jerky motions won’t get you anywhere. If she’s responding well to what you’re doing then don’t change.
Once you’ve got all this going on just keep doing it. You’ll want to slowly increase the speed of your licking. You’ll also want to increase the speed of your fingers… but not by much.
At the beginning of this step it was okay to give the clit long, full strokes with your tongue, but as you get closer to orgasm you need to speed up your licks and press against the clit harder with your tongue. Licking the clit too fast is like getting a hand job that’s too fast. It may be too fast for her to really feel. Pressing harder is almost always better than licking faster. Whatever speed you choose, keep your licks rhythmic. It helps to keep your breathing rhythmic.
There are several ways you can tell a girl is about to orgasm. Her clit may become very hard. The inside of her vagina might expand noticeably. She might grab your head and start screaming, or her body might tense up and spasm violently.
There are a few different ways you can finish a girl off that produce different kinds of orgasms. Use the one that seems most appropriate for the mood.
The first method is the easiest and is a good choice for beginners. As soon as your girl experiences the first shaking blast of her orgasm, keep licking her clit, but do it a little slower and lighter. The reason for doing that is because when a girl orgasms, her clit becomes too sensitive to touch. If you keep mashing on it with your tongue, it will feel painful.However, if you lighten up your touch, you can keep stimulating it a little longer, which will give the girl a longer (and possiblymultiple) orgasms.
The second method gives a girl a short and powerful orgasm, but it’s risky. As soon as she experiences the first shaking blast of her orgasm, start licking her clit at full speed using the tip of your tongue. With the fingers you have inside her, press a little harder against the roof, and speed up a little, but keep all of your motions rhythmic.
When she finally orgasms, keep licking at full speed, and finger bang her. Keep doing this until she pushes your head away from her. This is tricky, because of how sensitive the clit becomes after an orgasm, just like how the head of the penis becomes very sensitive after a man orgasms. So if you stay on the clit too long and hard you can hurt a woman, but if you let off too early you ruin the best part of the orgasm.
Regardless of which method you use, the clit willeventually become too sensitive to stimulate.However, you may still be able to apply static pressure on her clit pressing the back of your tongue or the palm of your hand on it and holding it there with firm pressure. If she moves her hips then let her, but don’t do anything yourself. After 5-30 seconds she’ll have gotten all she can out of her orgasm and will relax. Then you can move away.
Also be aware that during moments when her clit is too sensitive to touch, the inside of her vagina won’t be, and being penetrated during/after an orgasm can be extremely pleasurable for most women. So after she cums and you stop licking, consider leaving your finger/s inside her and give her heaving, sweeping motions against her walls with your fingers for a few more seconds. Sometimes she may want to be finger banged after her orgasm.
After you pull your face away from her vagina, pull your body up next to her and embrace her in your arms. This post-orgasmic afterglow heightens the experience for most women. It lets her know this wasn’t a purely physical experience for you, and therefore it allows the orgasm to be physical and emotional.
This is no small matter. If a girl had to choose between a night of a guy making her glow emotionally and a guy making her glow physically, she’d probably choose the emotionally satisfying evening. To girls, the emotional connection made during sex or foreplay is often the main reason to have sex or engage in foreplay. So I reiterate, if you’re going to go through all this trouble to please her physically, then go to the same lengths to make the experience as emotionally pleasing.
While you’re laying next to her you can stick one of your legs in between hers so that your thigh presses up against her clit. Don’t rub your thigh up and down her clit, because her clit will still be sensitive. Don’t worry about how strategically your thigh is placed in her crotch. Just press it up there. By applying pressure with your thigh you’ll continue to keep her sexual excitement from fading away the same way you did with your tongue. She’ll love the fact that you’re helping her hold onto her orgasm. Plus, it’ll show her that you really do know what you’re doing.
Instead of pressing your thigh against her clit you could also mount her in a missionary position and press the base of your cock against her clit, but don’t penetrate the vagina. Just press and hold it against the clit. If she gyrates her hips to rub her clit against the base of your cock then let her, but be hesitant to rub back unless she’s rubbing you so hard it’s obvious that her clit is no longer too sensitive for friction.
A note to men who don’t want to go down on girls:
What I’m about to say is just my opinion. You don’t have to agree with me, but it’s worth contemplating.
It’s perfectly understandable how a guy could be a little grossed out by a woman’s vagina and hesitant to put their mouth on it. There are a lot of different kinds of secretions down there. However, they’re really no worse than what a woman is going to have in her mouth when she gives a blowjob. And really, when you have sex you’re both wallowing in bodily fluids and gasses. Being bashful about bodily fluids is just kidding yourself and holding both of you back from enjoying the fullness of sexual intimacy. None of those juices are going to hurt you. After having sex enough times you’re going to realize that and throw your inhibitions out the window eventually. So you may as well go ahead and take the plunge.
Going down on a girl is about more than just swapping bodily fluids and eliciting a chemical reaction in each other’s pleasure organs. Look at it from the girl’s point of view. Her vagina is her most private, most sacred part of her body. Very few people in all of eternity will ever get to see or touch it. So getting to go down on her is a privilege that you should be honored to experience. So don’t view going down on a girl as an icky challenge. View the opportunity as a sincere and flattering compliment.
That’s reason enough to be willing to go down on a girl, but you should be eager to go down on a girl because it’s one of the most intimate ways you can show her how much you care about her. If your girl is important to you, then her pleasure and her emotions should be important to you. Going down on her is a chance for you to express your passion for her in a way that she’ll feel all the way down to the center of her core.Frankly, if she’s not important enough to you for you to get over your oral sex anxiety, then she deserves better than you.
A note to women who don’t want men to go down on them:
Ladies, I’m not trying to lecture you on how you should view or share your body. I just want to share some thoughts with you from the male perspective. I know a lot of you feel bashful about letting men see or touch your naked body let alone allowing them to put their mouth on your vagina.
It’s natural to have insecurities, and you know better than men what goes on between your legs. You might be ashamed of your own vagina, and you might not believe that a man would actually want to put their tongue on or in it. As I mentioned before, yes, there are some men who feel that way, but they’re mostlysexually inexperienced men who will grow out of it or they’ve been brainwashed by religion to fear and loathe sexuality. In that case, the problem isn’t you. The problem is that they’ve been duped into believing in mythology that reflects the values of primitive tribesmen and not reality.
In reality, your body is a treasure. Your vagina is a treasure, and any man who gets to go down on you is the luckiest man in the world. Mature men recognize that, and mature lovers truly, truly want to show you how much joy you bring into their life by channeling that joy through your clitoris until it fills up your pleasure core to the point of exploding and shaking all of your limbs with a full body orgasm. There are very few joys in this world equal to the satisfaction it brings a man when he gives the woman he cares about an orgasm. So on behalf of every mature lover out there, I beg you. Don’t let your insecurities come between us. Let us return the joy you give us. Let us connect with you on that most intimate of levels. Let us go down on you.
Other technical pointers:
1: Always wash your hands before fingering a girl, especially if you give her a massage and have lotion all over your hands. Dirty hands can be painful and cause infections.
2: Trying to fit both your hands and your face between a girl’s legs comfortably can be difficult. If you just absolutely don’t have enough room to maneuver and are so uncomfortable that you’re getting frustrated, you can have her rest her ass on a pillow, which will give you more room. You can also move your head a little closer to her belly button. You might be surprised how far up her abdomen you can put your head and still be able to lick her clit.
3: If a girl ever stops you while you’re going down on her and says something like, “You got me so hot. I can’t wait any longer. Put it in me now!” Sometimes she means exactly what she says, but sometimes that’s just a nice way of saying, “You’re not going down on me correctly, and I’m not going to cum. So let’s go ahead and skip to the sex.” This could lead you to believe that what you’re doing is working great, when it’s really not, which is why it’s so important to communicate outside of the bedroom.
4: If your tongue or jaw hurts when you’re done it just means you’re not going down on her enough. The way you build up your muscle strength is by performing more cunnilingus.
5: If you’re going down on a chubby girl, your nose may press against her stomach and make it difficult to breathe. In that case, tilt your head to the side so that one of your ears is resting on her flesh. You’ll be licking her clit from a sort of sideways angle. You won’t have as much control over the clit as you would facing it directly, but at least you’ll have at least one nostril open to breathe with. You could breathe through your mouth, but that will dry out your tongue.
6: If a girl likes having her nipples played with outside of cunnilingus, she’ll probably like having they played with during cunnilingus. For other girls, playing with her nipples distracts from what’s going on between her legs. Think about when you’re getting a blowjob. Sure, it’s nice if the girl shows you she’s getting into it by grabbing your ass and caressing your stomach a little, but those hands could be better used by fondling your balls or stroking the shaft of your cock. So if you’re going to caress her or grab her body away from her sexual organs, you may want to do it just long enough to get the point across that you’re excited by what you’re doing and then get back to stimulating her where it counts most.
7: If your girl is sexually liberated enough you can substitute a vibrator for putting your fingers inside her. If you do that, make sure you get a small vibrator, because a big one will get in the way of your chin. Also, work it inside her as gently and as rhythmically as you would with your fingers. Making it vibrate too hard or thrusting it inside her too fast or forcefully will draw her attention away from what you’re doing to her clit, and that’s bad.
8: If you’ve watched a lot of porn you’ve probably seen what I call, “the porn pat.” That’s when you slap the clit. Don’t do that. That’s bad. And don’t be like Jay from “Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back” and rub the bridge of your nose on the clit. That doesn’t do anything.
9: You can stick your tongue inside the vagina and move it in and out like you’re fucking it with your tongue, but you’re not going to bring a woman to orgasm like that. This technique is okay to do during the meet and greet stage for a few seconds to a minute. The longer your tongue is inside her, the longer your tongue isn’t on her clit.
10: Most women won’t want you to go down on them after they’ve been running around all day and sweating because their vagina will smell and taste sharp. Even if you’re really into that, she’ll likely be self-conscious about it, and that anxiety will lock up her body and prevent her from having as good of an orgasm as possible, if at all. Don’t tell her that her vagina isn’t fresh. Instead, passionately suggest taking a shower together before going down on her.
The Wise Sloth 