(Comic) Intervention With A Pop Star: Part 1

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TRANSCRIPT

Two girls are standing in a hallway next to a door talking. Then they go through the
door where they meet a psychologist.
FRIEND
Okay, pop star. This is where your fan club meeting is.
POP STAR
This is a weird place for a fan club meeting.
Pop Star and her friend walk through the door. Inside is a psychologist’s office. A man is sitting
in a chair.
POP STAR
Oh no! Only one fan showed up?!?! And he’s old!?!
DR. PHILPOT
This isn’t a fan club meeting, and I’m not a fan per se. My name is Dr. Philpot, and I’m a clinical
therapist. Your friend brought you here today for an intervention.
POP STAR
Is that like a total make-over?!?!
DR. PHILPOT
If it helps you can think of it as a make-over for the mind.
POP STAR
Are we both going to get a make-over?
FRIEND
No. I’m good. Call me when you’re done.
The friend leaves.
POP STAR
Okay, so how does this work?
DR. PHILPOT
Just lie down on that couch and get comfortable. Then we’re just going to talk.
Pop Star sits down.
Why did you change your name to “pop star?”
POP STAR
Because that’s who I am, and that’s what I do.
DR. PHILPOT
So you feel your new name is more honest and straightforward? Is that the message you’re
trying to communicate?
POP STAR
Sure. That and it tested well with focus groups.
DR. PHILPOT
Let’s talk about the messages you’re communicating in your song lyrics.
POP STAR
Like, almost all of my songs are about relationships.
DR. PHILPOT
Your target audience is mostly teens who are preparing for the rest of their lives while wrestling
with big decisions and big changes. So why is it that most of your songs focus almost exclusively
on the topic of relationships?
POP STAR
My songs totally prepare teens for life. It’s like one of my earlier songs said, “All you need is
love.”
DR. PHILPOT
In another song you said, “You ain’t got anything if you ain’t got love.” Do you believe that?
POP STAR
I backed that up in the song, “love lifts us up where we belong.” I mean, it’s where we belong.
How can I make that any clearer?
DR. PHILPOT
Have you ever considered that this extreme emphasis on love might be oversimplifying life a
little and possibly distracting or confusing the younger and more impressionable members of
your audience?
POP STAR
Distracting them? From what? What else would I sing about?
DR. PHILPOT
For starters, what about education? You could implore young people to travel, to question their
beliefs, to think logically. In a word, self-improvement.
POP STAR
That’s not romantic!
DR. PHILPOT
Actually, it’s the foundation of romance. How can you know who will make a compatible life
partner if you’ve never defined or refined who you are? Furthermore, the less you’ve defined
yourself the harder it is to achieve happiness because you haven’t defined your wants, goals or
expectations, which makes them impossible to fulfill.
POP STAR
Whatever. Self-help books don’t complete you. Finding the perfect person does.
DR. PHILPOT
Two incomplete people can’t complete each other. And again, how will you know who you’re
compatible with until you fully understand yourself?
POP STAR
When you meet that perfect person you just know.
DR. PHILPOT
But upon first meeting someone you don’t know anything about them.
POP STAR
Why do you need to know everything about them? So you can judge them? So you can measure
them? Love is blind. The whole point of love is you accept the other person just as they are.
DR. PHILPOT
See, the message you’re sending to children there is that they don’t need to improve themselves,
and they should endure any manner of neglect and abuse by their partners in the name of a fuzzy
ideal. This is not a solid foundation to build lasting, meaningful, healthy relationships on. I mean,
do you believe a woman in an abusive or unfulfilling relationship should get a divorce?
POP STAR
Uh, duh? Obviously. Any man of mine better walk the line.
DR. PHILPOT
Have you ever considered writing a few songs that define the preconditions of a healthy
relationship or set useful boundaries? Maybe even songs offering advice on how to achieve
compromise?
POP STAR
You’d have to be stupid not to know that stuff already, and why is it my responsibility to teach
them that anyway?
DR. PHILPOT
Because you’re a pop star, and Children see you as an authority figure. Also, remember that
people listen to your songs over and over again. So your words get pounded into their memory.
And when the only thing they hear from you is that the only thing they should be focusing on in
their life right now is getting in a relationship and staying there, it can have a profound impact on
their priorities. The fact that some of them might not be smart enough to see that makes it all the
more important for you to shape your message responsibly.
POP STAR
You’re acting like I’m killing people. What’s the worst that could happen?
DR. PHILPOT
People may rush into unhealthy relationships, stay in abusive relationships, neglect other
responsibilities, kill themselves after a breakup or simply feel incomplete when there’s no reason
to.
POP STAR
Do you really think so? People will always think with their genitals, which is what love songs are
ultimately appealing to. How will that ever go out of style?
DR. PHILPOT
Culture is always evolving, and it’s evolving faster now than ever before. Counterproductive
norms are becoming obsolete in a fraction of the time it took before the invention of the internet.
Codependency can’t remain the norm forever. Ignorance is becoming more and more taboo, and
it’s only a matter of time before enlightenment goes mainstream. The only question is whether
your career will be riding that wave or be crushed by it.
POP STAR
You’ve given me a lot to think about. I’m going to have to talk to my manager about this. Before
I go though I have one question. You said you weren’t going to bother appealing to my emotions
or my sense of right and wrong. What would you have said if you thought that would help?
DR. PHILPOT
Tonight I want you to spend an hour gazing at the stars and contemplating the beauty, scarcity,and value of life in this universe. Then ask yourself, if you had a chance to make your brothers’
and sisters’ lives even a little better. then how could you possibly pass up such a profound
opportunity?

THE END