Why I’m Glad Trump Won

Up until November 9th, I was dead certain Hillary Clinton would be America’s next president, but not because I wanted her to. I dreaded a Clinton presidency, because it would be like living under the reign of a female George Bush, except instead of having to watch four years of news clips of a goofy, folksy puppet act like he’s not selling off America to his corporate friends, I’d have to watch a soulless android sci-fi villain do it gloatingly.

To be honest, I’m glad Trump won if for no other reason than knowing it wiped that smug smile off of Hillary’s face. She was so sure she’d pulled all the right strings to anoint herself, Ruler of America, whether the public wanted her or not. Now, instead of getting to laugh at the poor suckers under her control, we get to laugh at her losing her one shot at fulfilling her narcissistic dream. I wish I could have taken a selfie with her the moment Trump crushed her life’s goal and broke her abysmal, roach-infested heart. I like to believe Bill Clinton feels the same way.

I accurately predicted Obama would win both his terms. When Obamamania was sweeping the nation, I was saying, “Eh, he’s just going to be George Bush 3.0, and the president after him will be George Bush 4.0.”

So I almost had a heart attack from being not surprised when Hillary Clinton won the DNC presidential primaries. I felt even more confident the system was shoehorning her into the White House when she got caught cheating and didn’t get disqualified.

The only thing that surprised me about the outcome of the 2016 presidential primaries was that the RNC and DNC picked such a low ranking amateur like Trump to be Hillary’s fall guy. I could see him taking a dive to let a more convincing opponent get knocked out in the final round, but when it turned out to be him, I thought, “Man, they’re not even trying to pretend this is real anymore.”

I explained all of this to a friend of mine in September, who responded, “Exactly. That’s why I’m voting for Trump. I know he’s crazy, but if an apocalypse is what it’s going to take to change anything, I’ll press the red button. Fuck it. I’m tired of this shit.”

I agreed and even said, “Yeah. You know, a Trump apocalypse would be better than a Hillary apocalypse. At least it would be quick, and the sooner we get this over with, the sooner we can start moving towards the future instead of orbiting the same old black hole.”

However, I also told him I wasn’t voting, because the ballot box is just a dummy switch. The machine is going to do what it’s going to do, no matter how many times you press the “Emergency” button.

It blew my mind when Trump won. I spent election night re-assessing everything I believed about American politics and what the future holds. As horrified as I was to see Trump win, I’ve come to believe it was for the best. If the government held a recount between Trump and Hillary, I’d hope Trump would win again for several reasons.

1: Trump can make Americans great again by freeing Americans of the delusion of patriotism.

During George Bush Jr.’s reign, I wondered how much worse our presidents would have to get before Americans finally said enough is enough. After the government found Barack Obama to be their next smooth talking spokesperson, I assumed they’d learned their lesson, and we could expect decades of wolves in sheep’s clothing to placate the masses. So I was relieved when Trump got elected. I assumed they’d have more foresight than to put an un-ignorable clown in power so soon, but instead of pushing George Bush 4.0 on the American people, the government jumped straight to George Bush 10.0.

This won’t make America great for anyone except the ultra-wealthy. Life for everyone else will feel ten times more like living in a financial meat grinder than it already does. The wonderful thing about that is, it will force Americans to change their minds. When that happens, then they will be able to change America.

Over the past sixteen years, America has become a police state whose primary goal seems to be increasing income inequality. Whenever Republicans made things worse, conservatives would scream at liberals not to question the government. When Democrats made life worse, liberals would defend the government’s crimes with the same appeal to patriotism.

In a country of 300 million people, only 6% voted for Trump, and just as few voted for Hillary because, at this point, Americans have figured out it’s ludicrous to vote on politicians with blind faith. Most liberals aren’t even falling back on the excuse that Hillary would have been better. Voter turn-out proves they believe arguing which candidate is the lesser of two evils is like arguing whether to drop the Fat Man or Little Boy bomb on American soil.

The 2016 election proved the RNC, DNC and the election system they created are too broken and corrupt to trust. Now more than ever, Americans should be asking themselves, “Why am I defending a system that keeps screwing me over? Why should I bend over backward for a system that only exists because I fund it to do a job for me?”

Defending the system isn’t heroic. That’s being a willing slave. It’s like hiring a butler to clean your house, but instead, they move in, make you clean for them and pay them for the privilege. Then, when your family complains, you scream at them to be proud to serve your tyrannical servant.

That was never good enough, but Americans couldn’t see it because they were too brainwashed with American exceptionalism. Well, now that we have the least exceptional president ever, we’ve been liberated from our delusion. Not all Americans have seen the light yet, but after four years of a Trump presidency, they will, and that moment can’t come soon enough.

2: Trump’s policies and staff picks are impossible to ignore.

I worried Trump might be a lame duck president and just spend four years smiling for the cameras and kissing babies while America got a little bit worse… but not bad enough to make Americans throw in the towel. However, Trump is staffing his cabinet with religious fanatics, wealthy members of his social class, and under-qualified politicians he owes favors to. It’s like he’s trying to prove the point that the election system is designed to fill the government with swamp monsters.

3: Trump is helping America talk about race.

Trump is promising to build a pointless wall on the Mexican border, ban Muslims from entering the country, practically declare martial law in the ghetto and turn the police force into immigrant-hunting hit squads. Given the way he treats women, they’ll probably suffer under his presidency too.

This is a bad time to be a white man, because we’ll be assumed guilty of all Trump’s racial offences by association, but as bad as racial tensions are in America right now, the worse they get, the more people talk about race, and that’s the only way America will resolve its racial tension.

The golden age of white guilt is finally over. The more social justice warriors use white men as a scapegoat for the problems created by the 1%, the more backlash they’re creating. People are slowly wising up to the fact that white people aren’t the problem. The more common knowledge that becomes, the quicker society will come to the conclusion every race should be fighting alongside each other against their real common enemy.

4: The impossible is possible.

One of the first things I thought when Trump won the presidency was, “Well, it’s official. America is hopelessly stupid.”

Most of the rest of the world agreed with me, and they were glad Trump won, because he’s the president America deserves. They are happy to watch us wallow in our shit and die of hepatitis.

After having time to think about America’s plight, I’m more optimistic. The upside to America’s mistake is that the first step to recovery is to hit rock bottom. America has done that. Now that we fully see where our addiction to Republicans and Democrats has gotten us, we can start over.

It’s counter-intuitive to believe an addict will change because the point of addiction is you can’t stop. Americans need to stop what they’re doing and change so drastically I wouldn’t believe it possible… if Trump hadn’t just been elected president. For the rest of my life, anytime someone tells me something isn’t possible, I’m going to respond, “If Donald Trump can be president, anything can happen.”

If Trump isn’t the catalyst that finally smacks Americans out of their suburban consumer daydream, he’s a gargantuan push in the right direction, and I’m sincerely thankful for that.

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