Tag Archives: sex advice

October 2, 2017

Advice To Male Virgins About Having Sex

By wise sloth

1: Get her in the mood.

Sometimes women may act like they’re not interested in sex at all, but make no mistake, they’re humans who were born with primal sexual urges. They want sex. They fantasize about it; they wait for it, and they look for it. But they’re not as likely as men to run out and find the first person who will get naked for them because they don’t want to be a slut, and they’re looking to get more out of sex than just physical stimulation. They want a total mind/body/life experience. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes girls just want to get laid, but as a general rule, the point of having sex is the overall emotional connection and experience, not just the physical build up to orgasm.

The circumstances surrounding a sexual encounter are as important as what you do during sex. If you’re going to put a mountain of effort into pleasing a woman’s body the right way then put that much effort into looking nice, picking a romantic environment, complimenting them, making them feel safe and showing them that you genuinely care about them as a person. If you want to be a great lover then you need to view all of these factors as much of a part of the act of having sex as touching a woman’s body. If you can do that then you won’t have to beg and coerce them into having sex because they’ll want to have sex with you.

Having said all that, there are certain things you can/should to do physically please a woman, and I’m about to talk about those things, but as you read them, be aware that infused with all of these steps/techniques is the importance of the emotional connection and the total life experience.

Firstly, men can go from a completely unaroused state to being ready to have penetrating sex in as little as one minute. Women generally require a minimum of ten minutes, but that’s the bare minimum. In order to give a woman the most fulfilling sexual experience possible and the most intense orgasm possible, you should spend an evening romancing them before your clothes ever come off. Once they do, you should be mindful of the fact that she may have insecurities about her body and be feeling anxiety about sharing her most sacred of gifts with you. So don’t rush to the penetration stage of sex. Compliment her naked body. Tell her she’s wonderful and that the experience you’re sharing is meaningful.

If you want to go the Full Monty then give her a slow, erotic massage. It will relax her mind and body. The less anxiety her mind feels the more her body will allow her to experience an orgasm. And the longer you build up her sexual desire the stronger her orgasm will be. Even without giving a full body massage, you can still take time to kiss and caress her body. There’s no single, correct list of steps you need to memorize to pleasure a woman physically. The important thing is that you tune into the connection between you and your partner and go with the flow. When that happens the rest is just details.

Having said that though, it is important to be fluid in your movements. Think of sex like a dance. Fluid, graceful movements are better than herky-jerky movements. Also, every woman has their own erogenous spots on their body that turn them on when you kiss, nibble and touch them there. Explore your woman’s body to find hers. Even though every girl is different, there’s a good chance that nibbling, kissing and caressing one of the following spots will drive her crazy: her earlobe, the back of her neck, her nipples, and her inner thighs.

 

 

2: Start slow and ease your way in.

When it does finally come time to slide your penis into her vagina, know that even if she doesn’t feel tight to you, she may be so tight that penetration will hurt her. You can loosen her up a little by fingering her gently first. You can also insert the tip of your penis in and out teasingly and slowly penetrate her gradually. Not only will this help her loosen up, but it will help her body acclimate to being penetrated making her yearn to have you deeper instead of shocking her by having a foreign object unceremoniously jammed into her.

Even after you achieve full penetration, start out slowly. Consider just leaving your penis inside of her for thirty seconds while she gets used to you, and then begin with slow, fluid thrusts. But if all you ever do are slow, romantic thrusts you’ll likely bore her. You’ll want to gradually increase the speed of your thrusts. There’s no single correct technique to exactly how you should thrust. It depends on the girl and the mood. I will say this, you’ll want to be gentle if you’re taking a girl’s virginity, but sometimes girls just want to have the bejeezus fucked out of them. Sometimes they want you to just rail into them like you don’t care about their feelings. If you never, ever do that she’ll be disappointed. But even on those occasions, you’ll still need to start out slow and loosen her up first.

 

3: Use different positions.

There’s also no single correct sexual position. They’re all wonderful in their own way, and they should all be explored. However, there are a few positions that allow the man to rub the base of his pelvis against a woman’s clit during intercourse increasing the chance she can achieve orgasm during sex. You can do this in the missionary position, but you have to make a conscious effort to swivel your hip up so that your pelvis makes contact with the clitoris. Depending on the shape/size of your bodies you may be able to make good clitoral contact by modifying the missionary position so that the girl lays flat on her back with her legs together and the guy straddles his knees on the outside of her legs and dips his penis down between the top of her thighs into her vagina. Another good position is the cowgirl, which is where the man lays flat on his back and the girl straddles him. Girls often like this position because they control what they feel, and they can rub their clit on your pelvis as they like. You can also lay behind her in the spooning position and reach around her and stimulate her clit with your hand. Or she can stimulate her clit with her own hand or a toy.

 

 

4: Stimulate the clitoris.

The one place that every girl wants/needs to be stimulated is on her clitoris. 80% of women can’t achieve orgasm through penis-in-vagina sex alone. They need clitoral stimulation. Feel free to go down on a girl and give her an orgasm before you even start having sex. If you can’t bring her to climax during sex then at least she’ll have had an orgasm, but know that her clitoris will be too sensitive after orgasm to jump right into sex. You’ll need to cuddle for a few minutes and let her cool down before penetrating her.

 

Diagram showing the location of the clitoris

 

5: Stimulate the G-spot.

Another factor to consider when choosing your sex position is how well it allows you stimulate the G-spot, which is found on the roof of the vagina just past the opening. The trick is to find a position that angles your penis so that it hits the roof of the vagina. You can do this in the missionary position if you elevate the girls’ hips high enough by resting her ass on a large pillow or lifting her ass in the air with your hands. That can be very effective because it allows you to push and pull her body with your hands as you thrust with your hips. The cowgirl is another position that lends itself to G-spot stimulation. One of the best positions for this is the folded lawn chair, which allows you to make deep, penetrating thrusts. You can also hit the G-spot in the doggy style position if you thrust/press downwards. That’s also a good position for when it’s time to hard-fuck her like you’re never going to see her again.

 

Diagram showing the location of the G-spot on the roof of the vagina canal, just past the pubic bone

 

6: Don’t try to last for hours.

You may think that women want penis-in-vagina sex to last as long as possible since you want to have your penis in their vagina as long as possible, but remember, to women sex is the total experience and not just what happens after your penis enters her. There are times when women want to go for a marathon session, but as a general rule, their vagina will start to hurt after 7-10 minutes of pounding. After 15-20 minutes they’re likely to start thinking about shopping lists while waiting for you to finish. After 30 minutes they’ll be praying for you to finish. So as a general rule, make your foreplay count and don’t worry about lasting more than 10 minutes.

 

7: Stimulate her mind and body after intercourse.

Whenever you finally achieve orgasm, remember that sex for a woman is a total mind/body/life experience. So the sexual experience doesn’t end the moment you achieve orgasm. If she hasn’t had an orgasm yet you still need to give it to her by stimulating her clitoris with your hand, tongue or toy. Even after that, you still need to put the metaphorical cherry on top of the metaphorical cake. Hold her in your arms and cuddle. Maybe whisper sweet platitudes in her ear. Kiss her, caress her and show her that she’s more than just a fuck doll to you and that you care about her and the total experience.

 

8: Be respectfully rough in bed.

I’ve put so much emphasis on how important the emotional aspect of sex is to women that what I’m about to say next may seem contradictory and counter-intuitive. Even among women who act like a-sexual porcelain, Disney princesses … there is a tendency for many women to enjoy taking the submissive role during sex and want to be dominated by their sexual partner. Not all girls enjoy this, and those who do may not always want to be dominated every time they have sex or to the same extent each time it happens. Sometimes some girls just like you to take charge. Sometimes they want you to blindfold them and pin them to the bed. Sometimes they want you to slap them in the face and call them a dirty slut. Find out what your girl likes by talking to her, not by trial and error.

You might think, “My girl wears high heels, evening dresses and goes to church or feminist meetings. So there’s no way she would want to be manhandled and made to feel small during sex.” There’s logic behind your point of view, and you may be right, but let me just leave you with a few reasons why your girl may still want to be dominated sexually every once in a while at least.

First, society pressures women to hide their sexuality even though it burns like a fire underneath their good girl facade. After stressing over living this lie for so long, sometimes it feels good to just let go. Not only is being naughty erotic, but by acting the way they aren’t supposed to, they conquer the taboo they’ve been running from.

This doesn’t mean girls want to go out and get treated like a piece of meat by someone who has no respect for them because that would mean they actually are a dirty slut. If a girl can have aggressive, submissive sex with a loving partner in the safety of their shared nest then they enjoy the experience of letting go in a safe, meaningful way that doesn’t actually make them a dirty slut. When you have dangerous sex with a girl who knows you can break her physically and emotionally but you don’t, it shows her that she can feel safe in your arms and in your presence. And even if you have her pinned to the bed, and she can’t move she still has the power to stop you with a single word at any moment, which means you’re not really in control; she’s in control. That means she gets to enjoy the eroticism of being dominated while also enjoying the power of being in control. And make no mistake, being dominated is genuinely erotic. Society just pounds it into men’s heads that we always have to be the alpha male and nothing is more degrading than submitting to someone else’s control. So we tend to view submission as disgraceful to the point that we may not even want to inflict that disgrace on anyone else, which as a general rule is good, but that rule doesn’t always apply in the bedroom. Submission and domination don’t always have to be about social statuses and gender equality. Another legitimate reason why girls like to be submissive in the bedroom is because they want you to be happy, and it drives them wild to see you go wild. At the same time, sometimes girls like to be submissive for a more selfish reason. As you’re madly pounding away at them from behind they’re quietly taking credit for being sexy enough to drive a big, strong beast like you out of your mind. Again, that’s them being in control, and it’s genuinely enjoyable.

So, after you’ve been with a girl for awhile, have a few conversations about submission and domination. Find out what her fantasies are, and explore them at a speed both of you are comfortable with. Agree on a safe word, and respect each other’s boundaries. And after you finish having dominating sex, make an extra effort to be kind and comforting during the afterglow phase to show her that you truly do respect her.

 

9: Sex toys aren’t your competition. They’re your opportunity.

On a final note, I want to take a moment to talk about dildos and vibrators. A lot of men are intimidated and offended by sex toys because they’re afraid that if their significant other uses a gigantic vibrating toy they’ll get spoiled on it and won’t be satisfied with their man’s penis anymore. Plus, men don’t like the idea of any dick (real or plastic) invading their territory. These fears are understandable but ultimately unfounded.

Remember that sex for a woman is as much (if not more) about the emotional connection between the two people involved. A piece of plastic can never replace a flesh and blood man who can love them and ravage their entire body during intercourse. Also, women have a right to have their vagina filled up with a massive plastic dong every once in a while. It’s not your place to tell them they don’t have that right. And you should want them to be happy. If they get any joy from getting off with a toy every once in a while then you should want that for them. At any rate, you’re almost certainly going to masturbate without them at some point. So don’t be a hypocrite.

The issue of sex toys shouldn’t involve accusations and defenses anyway. Sex toys aren’t a threat. They’re an opportunity. If you incorporate them into your sex life you open up a whole new world of possibilities. Probably the greatest advantage of using vibrators during sex is that you can stimulate your girl’s clitoris while you have penis-in-vagina sex, which will greatly increase the odds of her having an orgasm during sex. When that happens she won’t be thinking, “This toy got me off.” She’ll be thinking, “I got off with my lover while we used a toy.” See what happened there? The toy does all the work, and you get all the credit. With a little practice, you can greatly increase the odds of being able to achieve orgasm simultaneously, and that is a truly magical thing. The best toy to use to stimulate her clit during sex isn’t a big cock-shaped vibrator. You’ll have better luck with a small, variable-speed bullet/egg-shaped clitoral stimulator.

 

If you enjoyed this post, you’ll also like these:

 

Sex positions and techniques
General Sex Advice
Dating Advice
Relationship Advice
Philosophy of Sexuality
Friendship
My Tweets About Romance

Leave a comment   |  tags: , , , , , , | posted in Relationship Advice

September 29, 2017

How To Have Sex In The Cowgirl Position

By wise sloth

WHAT IS THE COWGIRL POSITION?

The cowgirl position is, “a group of sex positions in which the man lies on his back or sits. The woman straddles him facing either forward or backward, and the man inserts his erect penis into the woman’s vagina or anus.”

WHEN SHOULD YOU USE THE COWGIRL POSITION?

The biggest advantage of the cowgirl position is that it can angle the penis perfectly to hit the g-spot or penetrate the vagina deeply. The woman also has complete control of how she moves her body. So she’s in the perfect position to hit all her favorite spots exactly how she wants. In particular, it gives the woman control to rub her clitoris against the man’s abdomen, which gives her the power to give herself an orgasm during PIV sex. This is also a great position for pregnant women who can’t have a man lying on top of them.

There are a lot of slight variations you can make to the cowgirl position that can all be very effective at pleasuring women in different ways. The trick is picking the right variation for the moment. Since there are so many options, it behooves women to communicate openly with their partner about what they want, and it behooves men to listen.

As much potential as this position has to pleasure a woman, young men should not assume shy virgins would want to begin their first sexual experience on top. She may not know what to do and be nervous about being exposed and in control. If she feels more comfortable being guided through sex until she’s more experienced, consider starting with the missionary position, and put off experimenting with the cowgirl position until later.

The cowgirl position is a great choice when a woman wants to pleasure a man because it lets him lie on his back and relax while the woman does most of the work. It’s also emotionally gratifying for a man to see a woman actually put enthusiasm and effort into pleasing him. It makes him feel good, and it makes the woman look good to him.

WHAT DO YOU DO BEFORE PENETRATION?

Sex begins when the intimacy starts, not when penetration happens. When you have less than 10 minutes of foreplay before penetration, you’re having a quickie, and a lifetime of quickies is unfulfilling, especially for women. Foreplay isn’t a daunting task you have to complete. It’s an opportunity to experience your partner, pleasure them and build sexual tension so that your orgasms are more intense.

There’s not much foreplay a guy can instigate while lying on his back. The woman can straddle his face and let him eat her out, which is fun and worth doing now and then. But sitting on a guy’s face is a novelty position and is best used to tease and warm up a woman’s sexual organs before penetration. If your goal is to give a girl an orgasm through cunnilingus, you’d have better luck laying her on her back where she can relax and focus entirely on the pleasure between her legs.

The man lying on his back is perfect for going down on a guy or giving him hand jobs though, which is convenient if the man is having a difficult time getting an erection. The woman can lay him on his back, go down on him and jump on top before he loses his erection. He’ll be able to relax and focus on the pleasure, and he won’t have to deal with the potential frustration of putting the condom on or guiding his penis into the woman’s vagina. This will further reduce the chances of him losing his erection. Regardless of what position you’re in, if your man is having difficulty getting an erection because he’s nervous, try using slow, soothing, passionate movements as you kiss him and caress his body and cock. Don’t be aggressive, demanding or condescending.

When a man is lying on his back, the woman can kneel or lay between his legs and blow him from there or she can straddle him in the 69 position. From the 69 position, she can also move both knees to one side of the man’s head so that he’s not looking up at her crotch. All of these positions can work just as well for giving a blowjob. It depends entirely on what both partners are comfortable with. Find what works for you, but remember to vary your routine every once and a while to spice up your sex life.

The 69 position is fun, but since both partners can’t fully concentrate on what they’re doing or experiencing, it’s difficult for either partner to achieve orgasm. It’s still possible, and it’ll be rewarding, but the 69 position is mainly a novelty position best used for a short time to warm each other up prior to getting down to business.

The cowgirl position can be emotionally and physically stimulating without putting anyone’s genitals in anyone’s mouths. The woman can straddle the man and lean forward over his chest for an intimate make-out session. The man can and should use his hands to caress, grab, squeeze, pinch and tickle the woman’s body. This is also a convenient time for the man to grab a wide tract of the woman’s hair on the back of her skull as close to the roots as possible and pull her hair back.

The woman won’t have access to as much surface area of the man’s body to touch, but what she can do, she should. But the best part of straddling the man is that she can rub her pussy lips up and down the base of the man’s erect penis. This feels great for both partners, and if you angle your bodies correctly, the woman can rub her clit up and down the man’s penis, which will feel very good to the woman, and if she does it long enough, could give her an orgasm.

No matter what you’re doing during foreplay, it will almost always be improved by a little sexy talk. The trick to sexy talk isn’t to try to spout impromptu poetry. Just compliment your partner from the heart, and tell them how they make you feel. The goal isn’t to impress them with your prose. The goal is to make them feel important.

TYPES OF COWGIRL POSITIONS

1: Perpendicular Kneeling

This is the classic cowgirl position. The woman kneels over the man’s groin and inserts his penis into her vagina. From this position, she can start out slow and ease her way into sex. She can hop, grind, swivel, twerk, and wave. It’s a great all-around position.

2: Perpendicular Squatting

Instead of kneeling, the woman can plant her feet down and squat onto the penis while holding her body straight up or leaning forward. This can feel reasonably good for both partners since the angle guides the penis straight up the vagina. However, can be tiring and awkward for the woman to keep her balance. The man can help by holding the woman’s butt up with his hands or thighs, but that may not be effective if the woman is big and the man is small. Anyone sexually liberated enough to use ropes and bars to hold onto during sex can really make the most of this position.

3: Leaning Back

If the woman starts in the kneeling or squatting position, she can lean back and rest her hands by the man’s thighs. The man can also help support her weight with his hands and thighs. This can be awkward and tiring for the woman, and it can bend the man’s penis painfully towards his feet. At the right angle, it can feel good for both partners, but the high cost and low payout of this position make it more of a novelty position.

4: Woman Leaning Forward

From the kneeling position, the woman can lean forward. This is an intimate position because both partners can embrace, caress and kiss each other. It angles the penis directly into the vagina, which feels good for both partners at any speed. Both partners can thrust, and it’s a little less tiring for women than sitting straight up. This is a good all-around position.

5: Man Sitting Up

If the man puts a cushion behind himself, he can prop his back up, and the woman can mount him while he’s in a sitting position. This makes it easier for both partners to kiss and caress each other, but it can limit how much the can thrust (especially if he is small and his partner is big). The man is in a perfect position to lift the woman’s ass with his hands, and the woman is in a perfect position to bounce and grind. It also angles the penis for deep penetration. This can be a very effective position for both partners. If you haven’t tried this position, you’re missing out.

6: Reverse Cowgirl Perpendicular

When the woman is kneeling over the man’s groin looking towards his head, she can turn around and mount him with her face pointing towards his feet. She thrusts against the penis by leaning her body forward towards the man’s feet and then dropping her ass backward towards his groin. This makes it precariously easy to bend the man’s penis down painfully towards his feet. It also angles the woman’s body so that she’s slamming her butt straight towards the man’s balls. Despite the dangers, this position has a lot of potential, and some people absolutely swear by it, but it’s certainly one of the more advanced sex positions.

7: Reverse Cowgirl Crabwise

In this position, the woman plants her hands and feet on the ground/bed with her face pointing towards the ceiling while the man lies underneath her looking up at the back of her head. She thrusts by lowering her body towards the man’s feet and then pushing her body back upwards towards the man’s head. This position can be tiring and awkward for the woman to maintain. The man can help by supporting her with his hands and thighs, but a small man won’t be able to hold a large woman for very long. This position can be made much easier if the woman has bars or ropes to hold onto. This can be a very pleasurable position, but it’s definitely another advanced technique. This position can be very rewarding for both partners if they can maintain it.

8: Reverse Cowgirl Squatting

The woman plants her feet on the ground/bed and squats down over the man’s penis while facing towards his feet. It can be difficult for the woman to keep her balance, but the man can support her ass with his hands, and she can lean forward to rest her hands on his knees. This is a position where ropes or bars to hold onto would really help.

This position can angle the penis away from the G-spot, but it also lends to deep penetration and hard thrusts from both partners. This is probably the most advanced of the cowgirl positions. If you don’t get it right the first time, don’t let it stop you from trying again sometime.

9: Reverse Cowgirl Leaning Back

From the reverse cowgirl position, the woman can lean back until her back touches the man’s chest. A woman needs to be very flexible to hold this position when her knees still on the ground/bed. Most likely, she’ll be more comfortable laying her legs out flat in the same way as the man. If she plants her feet next to the man’s thighs and bends her knees, she can stabilize her balance better and use her legs to thrust and writhe a little. The man will be able to kiss, nibble, lick and bite the woman’s shoulders, neck, ears, and face. He will also be able to wrap his arms completely around the woman to caress her, play with her breasts and possibly even stimulate her clit. This is an intimate, sensual position at any speed. It has a lot of potential for men and women, but it takes both partners working together.

https://youtu.be/HVQCBTyRJBM

WHAT SPEED DO YOU THRUST?

1: Slow

As a general rule, it’s always best to start out PIV sex slowly to give the woman’s vagina time to relax, expand and moisten. Starting any position too fast is likely to be immediately painful for the woman and leave her sore for potentially days afterward. This shouldn’t be much of a problem in the cowgirl position since the woman is in the dominant position and can control the speed. However, the man can take control away from the woman and thrust upwards at the speed he wants at any time. Men should resist the urge to take control away from a woman while she’s on top. Even though she may not be moving as fast as the man wants, she’s probably doing what feels best to her. The man is not going to impress her by taking that away from her.

2: Medium

A steady, rhythmic, medium pace is almost always great for both partners in any position. Though the tendency in sex is to get so worked up you can’t wait for the grand finale, it’s usually best to resist the urge to rush to the end. After you’ve had enough slow sex to loosen and moisten the vagina, stick with a medium pace for a while. It will make the sex last a little longer and give you both better orgasms. When both partners thrust in unison at a medium pace, the results are spectacular.

3: Fast

As both partners get closer to orgasm, harder, faster thrusts usually feel better. Though, men tend to enjoy very fast thrusts more than women, while women generally prefer harder thrusts to faster ones. When it comes time for fast and hard thrusts in the cowgirl position, there’s only so much the woman can do since she’s pushing her hips downwards and backward. The man can actually thrust faster and harder from below. So, if speed is what you’re going for, it may be best to let the man take control and do most of the thrusting while the woman holds on for dear life. Fast/hard sex is also a great time for the man to pull the woman’s hair and/or talk really dirty to her.

HOW DO YOU THRUST?

1: Hopping up and down

When the woman hops up and down on the man’s penis, it feels good for both partners. If both partners put a little muscle into it, you can get some hard, slamming connections. The downside is that it can be tiring for the woman, and it doesn’t stimulate her clit. So she is unlikely to achieve an orgasm from it.

When the woman is hopping up and down, the man can hold his legs together, which gives the woman the most freedom, or, he can spread lift his knees and lean them outward like a butterfly. This makes it easier for the man to thrust, and the woman can hold onto his knees for support. However, it takes some control away from the woman and limits her freedom to choose her own angle.

Women, when you’re jumping up and down on a man’s penis (especially when you’re doing it fast and hard), be mindful of his balls. You may be crushing them between his legs, especially when he has his thighs completely pressed together.

2: Swiveling Hips

When the woman swivels her hips, she can tilt her man’s penis so that it hits 360’s of her vaginal tunnel. This can be pleasurable, and it’s a good way to loosen the vagina to prepare for harder, faster penetration. This is a physically and mentally stimulating experience for men. It demonstrates to him that his woman is virile and giving. It’s playful and enticing. It’s usually never a bad idea to throw in a few hip swivels in during cowgirl sex sessions. Just know that this is a “cherry on the top” kind of move. It’s tiring and unlikely to do enough for either partner to bring them to orgasm. This technique is best used during the first few minutes after penetration and intermittently afterward just to spice things up.

3: Grinding

Most women can’t have an orgasm through PIV sex alone. They need clitoral stimulation. More than any other sexual position, most woman probably have the best chance of achieving an orgasm during PIV sex (without using a toy) while grinding in the cowgirl position. The cowgirl gives the woman the opportunity to rub her clit on the man’s abdomen and have his cock deep inside of her, and she has complete control of speed and pressure… especially if the man puts his legs together.

If ever there was a time during sex when a man should verbally ask the woman what she wants him to do, this would be it. But really, mostly what the man needs to do is lay there and let the woman pleasure herself.

What the woman is doing will feel good to the man, and he can orgasm from it, but left to his own devices he’d probably choose something with more thrusting. This technique has very little thrusting to it, since the point is to keep the clit pressed against the man’s abdomen. There are plenty of other positions that are more suited to pleasure men, and men get to experience those all the time while the girl waits patiently for him to finish. Sometimes it’s the man’s turn to take one for the team, and if he wants to be a great lover, he should want to do that. So, men, be patient and let your woman do her thing.

4: Twerking

Twerking can be tiring. So it’s not something women should plan to do for a long time. It does feel good for both partners though, and it demonstrates virility and kindness on the woman’s part. Like hip-swiveling, this a “cherry on top” move that is welcome in almost any cowgirl sex session, at least for a few moments.

5: The Wave

The woman can make long, flowing, gliding, arching thrusts with her hips, fucking her man in a wavy motion. The woman feels her partner’s penis inside her from different angles, which means the man also feels the vagina from different angles. This is an incredibly sensual, intimate move at any speed. It gets more difficult the faster you do it, but at slow-to-medium speeds, it’s not particularly tiring. So it can be done for a long time. This move feels better for men than woman. Men have more of a chance of achieving orgasm from the wave, but with a little deliberation, the woman can rub her clit against the man’s abdomen as she swings her hips forward. If that’s not enough to get her off, she can always switch to the grinding technique at any time to heighten her pleasure momentarily or to finish herself off.

6: Letting Him do the Work

Sometimes it’s nice for the woman to kneel over her man and let him do all the work, thrusting up. This can be very tiring for the man if the woman rests her entire body weight on his groin, but if she can support some of her own weight, the man should be able to thrust upwards for quite a while.

Some men are used to doing all the work. So when the girl gets on top he still won’t give her control. He thinks he’s being a giving lover, but he’s really taking away the woman’s opportunity to pleasure herself, and he’s missing out on the opportunity to pleasure his lover without hardly doing any work. Men should think long and hard about if/when they should commandeer full control of the cowgirl position. There’s no one right answer, but if the woman hasn’t had a chance to do her thing yet, think about letting her.

When a man (especially a sexually inexperienced man) is close to orgasm, he sometimes loses control of his mind and body and feels compelled to thrust as fast and hard as he can. Sometimes this is extremely pleasurable for women. Her vagina enjoys deep, passionate thrusts, and her psyche is overwhelmed by being overpowered by a raging sex bull. Sometimes her vagina is sore, and her psyche is underwhelmed by the fact that she’s on a ride she’s not enjoying but can’t get off. Men need to pay attention to their women and be mindful of the state of their vagina. If a man is going to lose control and start acting like a jackrabbit on steroids, he should at least accentuate the experience with hair pulling, dirty talk, love talk, groping, kissing and/or moaning so the experience is more passionate and less clinical for the woman.

WHAT KIND OF TOYS CAN YOU USE?

1: Restraints

The cowgirl family of positions are perfect for tying a man to the bed. There’s a different flavor of fun in tying only his hands, only his feet or all of his extremities at the same time. He can also be blindfolded and gagged. All of these techniques will heighten his senses and give the woman the satisfaction of being in control.

Women who want to dominate and be dominated at the same time can still have their hands tied behind their backs and be blindfolded. Their legs can be tied down to the bed as well. Both partners can even be tied to each other. The number of ways you can use restraints in the cowgirl position is limited only by your imagination.

2: Cushions

Putting a pillow or wedge-shaped cushion under the man’s ass will angle his penis more towards his face. Depending on which variation of the cowgirl position you’re using, this can change the depth the penis penetrates the vagina and how well it hits the G-spot. Try every variation with and without a pillow or cushion to see what works best for you.

3: Clitoral Stimulator

It’s hard for either the man or woman to hold a pocket rocket or bullet/egg clitoral stimulator on the clit in most of the cowgirl positions since her groin is usually slamming down on the man’s abdomen. Even when she’s grinding, the device is likely to get dislodged. The best chances you have of using a clitoral stimulator may be for the man takes control of the thrusting while the woman holds the device where she wants it.

4: Vibrating Cock Ring

One of the few instances where a vibrating cock ring is actually useful is when the woman grinds the man in the cowgirl position. This gives her snug clitoral stimulation and deep PIV penetration at the same time. This is the perfect combination in theory, but I’ve never found a cock ring ergonomically designed well enough to fulfill this position/combo’s full potential in practice.

5: Dildos/Vibrators

With all the flopping around, it can be easier to stimulate the clit with a long vibrator than a tiny egg/bullet shaped clit stimulator. The downside to using a vibrator to stimulate the clit while bouncing up and down is it’s hard to hold in place. With enough practice and determination, you can successfully incorporate vibrators into the cowgirl position, but that’s advanced technique.

6: Butt Plug

Either partner can wear a butt plug during cowgirl sex. Use lots and lots of lube, and be sure to buy a plug with a wide base; never stick anything in anyone’s anus that could potentially get sucked all the way in. If you practice safe anal play, it will heighten the experience for both partners.

If you enjoyed this post, you’ll also like these:

Sex positions and techniques
General Sex Advice
Dating Advice
Relationship Advice
Philosophy of Sexuality
Friendship
My Tweets About Romance

1 Comment   |  tags: , , , , | posted in Sex Positions and Techniques

September 29, 2017

How To Have Sex In The Missionary Position

By wise sloth

WHAT IS THE MISSIONARY POSITION?

 

The missionary position is, “a sex position usually denoting the act in which a woman lies on her back and a man lies on top of her while they face each other and engage in sexual intercourse or other sexual activity.”

 

Line illustration of a man and a woman in the missionary position: She is laying on her back, and he is laying over her, with his torso and groin pressed against hers

 

WHEN SHOULD YOU USE THE MISSIONARY POSITION?

 

The missionary position is possibly the easiest position to have sex in. It’s emotionally intimate and easy to get into. It also offers are lot of options for spicing things up. It’s basically the default sex position. If you’re not sure which position to use, the missionary always a safe, reliable position. However, if it’s the only one you ever use, then eventually you’ll start to bore your partner.

 

VARIATIONS OF THE MISSIONARY POSITION

 

The dictionary definition of “missionary position” has the man lying face down on top of a woman who is lying on her back, but that position is easily modified to achieve a whole family of spin-off positions that should be explored. You can and should use several of these variations during a single sex session.

 

1: Face to face

Laying on top of a naked woman, face to face is a great way to start out a sex session. It’s intimate, and your penis can slide into her vagina at an easy angle. However, this position has two downsides. First, since your penis is sliding straight into her vagina you’re probably not going to hit her G-spot… unless you tilt her pelvis upwards by placing a cushion under her ass and consciously angling your thrusts upwards.

Regardless of where you’re aiming your penis, when you’re laying on top of a woman with your chest pressed to her you’re not going to be able to thrust as hard or fast as you could if you were in a kneeling position. You can still fuck a girl pretty hard in this position, and girls really enjoy it (physically and emotionally) when you wrap your big, strong arms around them and hold them firmly to your bosom while fucking them as hard and fast as you can. However, when your partner wants to be power-fucked, there are other variations of the missionary position that are more tailored to that goal.

 

2: Man kneeling

In the kneeling position you have more room to thrust, and you can draw on more muscles. Plus, you can grab your partner’s legs or waist and pull them towards you as you thrust. This isn’t the most intimate position, but it’s perfect for hard-hitting sex.  It also works well for medium-paced sex as well, especially because it uses your major muscle groups, which means it’s relatively easy to maintain your pace without wearing yourself out.

You have a pretty good chance of being able to hit the G-spot with your penis when lying flat on top of a woman if she has a cushion under her ass. But when you put a cushion under her ass and fuck her from the kneeling position, your penis will be angled perfectly to hit the G-spot with as much force as she can take and you can give. If you don’t have a cushion, you can lift her ass with your hands, which can be exhausting (depending on how strong you are and how heavy she is), but if you can cradle her lower torso in your hands you’ll have complete control to man-handle her and slam her body into your incoming power thrusts. Most women can’t have an orgasm from PIV sex without clitoral stimulation most of the time, but this is a good position to beat the odds in.

 

3: Knees to chest

When you’re in the kneeling missionary position, your partner’s legs are usually spread so her thighs are pressed against your hips. If she brings her knees to her chest so she’s laying on her back in the fetal position, then she can put her feet on your chest. You can lean against her feet and slide your cock into her fully exposed vagina. This isn’t the most relaxing position for either partner, but it’s worth doing for the benefits it offers.

This position angles the vagina slightly upward, which means when the penis enters horizontally it’s probably going to hit the roof of the vagina, which is where the G-spot is. And since her legs are completely out of your way, you press your pelvis against hers as far as possible, which means your penis will penetrate her as deeply as possible. This is great for men with short penises. And it’s a good go-to position whenever a girl wants a nice, deep dicking. You can fuck a girl pretty hard from this position, especially if you grab her ass or legs and pull her into your thrusts. However, the upward-tilted angle of her vagina makes it easy for your penis to slip out of, especially when you’re fucking wildly.

 

4: Ankles over shoulders

From the kneeling position, take hold of your partner’s ankles and rest them on your shoulders. This is one of the least intimate, least lady-like and most awkward-looking variations of the missionary position. If you’ve never had sex, this position could appear off-putting. I wouldn’t advise taking a girl’s virginity in this position, but it definitely has benefits that you and your partner should know about.

It’s easier to achieve the deepest thrusts when a girl’s feet are on your chest than when they’re over your shoulder, but it’s easier to thrust your hips and pull her legs towards you when her feet are over your shoulder. So what you lose in depth you can make up for in force.

You can have the best of both worlds though if you put your partner’s ankles over your shoulders and lean forward until you’re almost face to face with her.  This is called “the folding deck chair” position, and while it definitely looks unladylike, it’s very lady friendly. This position lets your penis penetrate her even deeper than having her feet on your chest. Plus, you can hold onto her torso, stretch out your legs and fuck her really hard. If you’re on a bouncy bed you can even bounce up and down and let gravity do half the work for you. If a girl ever tells you she wants you to fuck her until she breaks, this would be a good position to give it to her from.

 

5: Side twist

Kneel between your partner’s legs with her ankles on your shoulders. Then take both of her ankles and hold them together. Then lower both of her ankles to one of your hips. Then scoot forward and penetrate her while both her legs are hinged around one side of your body.  This position gives you decent room to maneuver, but the angle doesn’t allow you to really hit the G-spot or go as deep as other variations of the missionary position. Plus, it’s not very intimate. Use this position when you’re bored and want to do something different, but don’t do it very long, because it’ll likely get boring pretty quick, at least for your partner.

 

6: Her legs together

In all the variations of the missionary position discussed here, the man is between the woman’s legs. However, you can close her legs so that she’s laying like a plank. Then you mount her and lay down face to face with her. If your penis is long enough, you can slide your penis between her legs and into her vagina. You won’t be able to penetrate her very deeply, but the top of your shaft will slide over clit as you enter her… again and again. You won’t be able to fuck very hard in this position, but it has a good potential to give a girl an orgasm… if your bodies are compatible enough to pull off this position effectively.

 

 

 

HOW FAST SHOULD YOU THRUST?

 

The pros and cons of using different speeds are listed below:

 

1: Slow

Most sexual encounters should begin with slow thrusts for the woman’s comfort and safety. Sometimes it’s nice to have PIV sex slow from start to finish. It’s passionate, meaningful and respectful. A male virgin who was raised on Disney movies to believe all women are a-sexual porcelain princesses could develop the idea that women want slow, romantic sex most of the time. This would be incorrect. Sometimes women want their vagina caressed like delicate flowers, and sometimes they want to be fucked into the mattress so hard the bed breaks. Both of those techniques are at extreme ends of a spectrum. The ideal speed to use most of the time is probably somewhere in the middle, not the bottom.

 

2: Medium

After fucking a woman slowly for a few minutes her mind and body will be ready and hungry for harder, faster thrusts. Chances are, you will be too. Everybody gets what they want if you speed your thrusts up to a medium pace.

If you were raised in a culture where fast service and fast results are valued, you could develop the idea that faster is always better. This isn’t always the case with sex. Fast thrusts can be good. They can be great, but don’t underestimate the value of medium paced thrusts.

Women get to experience the full sensation of your penis when you thrust at a medium pace. When you thrust too fast they can lose sensation sometimes. Imagine getting a really, really fast hand job; all you’d feel is friction. Now imagine getting a hand job that started really fast, then stopped, then went slow, then fast, then slow, then fast, then stopped again. You’d be wishing your partner would just stick with a nice medium pace.

Hard fucking has its time and place, but if you’re not experienced, and you want to use the technique with the highest statistical probably of giving a girl an orgasm, then start by fucking her slow, spend most of your time fucking her at a medium pace, and speed up right at the end.

Just be aware that most women can’t orgasm from PIV sex alone. For the best statistical odds of giving a woman an orgasm during PIV sex, you need to stimulate her clit. Tips on that later.

There’s one last semi-selfish reason to have sex at a medium pace: it conserves your energy.  If you start out fucking a girl as fast and hard as possible, you might wear yourself out and have no choice but we wheeze and struggle through the final critical minutes of sex. That’ll negatively affect your ability to give your partner an orgasm. A good, medium pace feels rocking good for girls, and it’s manageable for guys. Take advantage of that.

 

3: Fast

It’s unfair to call medium-paced sex “vanilla sex.” It’s a good standard speed for good reasons, but any technique used too often will become boring. When you start out a sexual encounter going slow, then speed up to a medium pace and finish fast you cover all your bases. The question is, what percentage of the time should you go fast? A conservative range is the last 10-40% of a sexual encounter, but again, there’s a time and place for everything.

When a woman is close to orgasm (and especially while she’s orgasming), you can give her a more intense orgasm by speeding up your thrusts. But if you try to improve her orgasm with hard, fast strokes you could throw her off her rhythm or you could be wrong, and she actually needs a lot more stimulation. In that case, you might wear yourself out trying to maintain your pace or you might wear her out too early as well. If you have to slow down you will ruin her rhythm.

Fucking fast can be risky, but there’s a way to minimize your risk. If you can tell your partner is close to cumming or just hungry for you to take it up a notch, consider making your thrusts harder instead of faster. You’d be surprised how hard of a pounding a vagina can take and be euphoric for the girl. They feel it deep inside their vagina and all over the outside. It gives her more of what she wants and leaves the option open for you to go faster later.

 

4: Jackrabbit fast

As mentioned earlier, women usually don’t find it emotionally or physically pleasing when you lose control and fuck them like a jackrabbit. If you’re going to lose control then fuck them with reckless abandon, then fuck them like a raging gladiator, not a delirious Pomeranian.

 

5: Press and hold

Put your penis all the way into her vagina and hold it for a few seconds and gyrate your hips. This will help her vagina acclimate to your penis even more, and it feels intimate. This is the best speed to start most sex sessions because it lets the woman’s vagina acclimate to your size. Once she’s comfortable, you can go slow. Keep escalating your speed as she acclimates to each stage. Avoid the temptation to constantly stop what you’re doing and press-and-hold again. Once she’s revved up, stopping suddenly kills her momentum towards having an orgasm.

There’s a modality of sex called tantric sex, where you leave your penis held in the vagina the entire sex session. You should try it, but talk with your partner first and plan it.

 

6: Irregular

Sometimes it’s fun to spice up a sexual encounter by constantly changing up the speed of your thrusts, but that technique is a novelty, not standard practice, because, again, frequently changing paces is more likely to throw off your partner’s rhythm than build her up. Having said that, it can be beneficial to change your pace up a little during the first few minutes of sex following the initial penetration. During that “meet and greet” stage, spicing things up can help stoke your partner’s passion, loosen her vagina and communicate you’re your passion for her. Once she’s really wet or looking at you hungrily, abandon the novelty technique and get down to business.

Having said that, it can be effective to thrust slowly for a little bit and then go fast. Then go slow for a little bit. Then go fast. When done fluidly, the contrast between sensations can heighten the experience for women.

 

WHERE DO YOU THRUST?

 

1: Aim for the G-spot

The G-spot is located on the roof of the vagina just past the opening. When you’re in the missionary position, you can stick the tip of your penis into the vagina, and as you slide your penis in, push up with your knees or feet so that the top of your shaft presses against the roof of the vagina. This could hit the G-spot, but not necessarily. If you want to know if your technique is working for sure, ask your partner.

You can increase your odds of hitting the G-spot in the missionary position by lifting your partner’s ass up using your hands or a cushion. When you thrust inside of her, don’t aim your shaft so that it goes straight into her. Aim the tip of your penis head to hit the roof of her vagina just past the opening. You’ll likely find it easiest to do this when you’re kneeling and your posture is upright, as opposed to laying your chest flat against hers. You can use this technique at any stage of sex. Just be sure to do it slowly if you do it at the beginning of a sexual encounter, and do it faster if you’re doing it closer to climax.

 

2: Aim for the clit

The clit is a mole-sized bump located on the outside of a woman’s body a few centimeters above the opening of her vagina. You can’t hit that with your penis when you’re fucking a woman in any position since your penis is inside her, and her clit is on the external surface of her body. However, if you slide your penis all the way into your partner’s vagina you can sometimes rub the clit with the skin where the shaft of your cock meets your abdomen.

Different body types have different levels of compatibility. Ask your partner if this technique works for her. If it doesn’t, move on. This technique has the best chance of working if both partners have shaved their pubic hair and lubricated their smooth skin, but shaving your pubes to the skin usually causes razor bumps (which aren’t sexy), and your pubes might be spikey for the next few days after shaving, and no girl wants spikes jabbing into their sensitive skin.

You can also improve your chances of stimulating the clit by wearing a vibrating cock ring with a clitoral stimulator. Whether or not you use a vibrating cock ring, your pelvis will have to be pressed against her clit for a long time to give her an orgasm. This means you can’t pull your penis out of her vagina far enough to fuck her hard. So this technique is best suited to warm a girl up during the slow stage of sex or finishing her off after a hard fucking.

 

3: Straight forward

There are novel ways to stimulate a woman’s vagina, and they’re all worth exploring, but sometimes a girl likes a good old fashioned fuck. You don’t have to worry about boring women with straight forward thrusts, and if your goal is to fuck her hard and fast, you’re going to have to use a simple thrust anyway. When you use this technique, play to its strengths.

 

4: Stirring

The vagina is a biological sex organ that responds to physical and emotional stimuli. The more you stimulate it the closer it will bring a woman to orgasm. Pumping your penis into her like the head of an oil drill is a good way to hit her deep, hard and fast, but it can feel impersonal and miss a lot of sexual nerve endings inside and outside the vagina.

You can hit more nerve endings and add another level of interaction and intimacy to the missionary position by gyrating your hips like dancing like Elvis or using a hula hoop. This changes the trajectory of your penis throughout the course of a single thrust so your penis hits the vagina walls from different angles. There’s not an exact science to gyrating your hips during sex. Just make sure they’re fluid and you should be fine. This technique takes a lot of muscles and is difficult to do with a lot of force or for a long time. You can finish a girl off with this technique, but it’s best suited during the slow-to-medium paced stages of sex when you’re warming your partner’s vagina up.

 

5: All the way in, all the way out

Sticking your penis all the way into the vagina and all the way out is pleasurable for men and women, and it can be used effectively during any stage of sex. However, it always comes with the risk of drying out your partner’s vagina. So if this is the first technique you use after initially penetrating a woman’s vagina (when she’s not very loose or wet) you could dry her out and stretch her too abruptly. If you use this during wild, pounding sex you might dry her out while ramming your shaft through her with a lot of force. That’s a recipe for disaster. By all means, use this technique when you and your partner want to experience full-bodied strokes. Just don’t do it for very long… unless she’s a gusher or you’re using reliable lube.

 

 

 

If you enjoyed this post, you’ll also like these:

 

Sex positions and techniques
General Sex Advice
Dating Advice
Relationship Advice
Philosophy of Sexuality
Friendship
My Tweets About Romance

 

Leave a comment   |  tags: , , , , | posted in Sex Positions and Techniques

September 29, 2017

How To Have Sex In the Doggy Style Position

By wise sloth

WHAT IS THE DOGGY STYLE POSITION?

 

The “doggy style” position is, “any sex position in which a person bends over, crouches on all fours (usually on hands and knees), or lies on their stomach, for sexual intercourse.”

 

Line-drawing of a man and woman in the doggy style position: The woman is on her hands and knees, and the man is standing behind her, with his ground against her butt

 

WHEN SHOULD YOU USE THE DOGGY STYLE POSITION?

 

This position is best suited for fast, hard, wild, carefree sex. The penis enters the vagina at an angle that’s comfortable for the woman, and it gives the man a lot of room to thrust, which makes it ideal for fast, hard, wild, carefree sex.

If you begin a sex session with fast, hard sex, you’re likely to hurt your partner, because vaginas need time and stimulation to get wet and loose. It’s best to start in an intimate position like the missionary position and switch to doggy style later.

 

WHAT SHOULD YOU DO BEFORE PENETRATION?

 

Even though the doggy style position can look pretty carnal, you can set a sweet, tantalizing tone using techniques like these:

  • Tell her how beautiful she is, what she means to you and how much she turns you on.
  • Lightly kiss and caress your partner’s erogenous zones such as her pussy, nipples, inner thighs, neck, ass and back.
  • Kneel behind her and pull her torso tight against yours. Then squeeze and caress her body while nibbling her ears and neck and whispering compliments in her ear. Slide your hand down her abdomen and stimulate her clitoris with your finger or a vibrator while slowly pumping your cock inside her.
  • Kneel behind her, then lean her forward, and lean your chest down over her back. Then graze her pussy with your dick while you play with her tits, bite her shoulders and pull her hair.

If you want to set a more BDSM tone, you can use techniques like these:

  • Lightly spank her and/or whip her.
  • Kneel behind her, and pull her hair by grabbing a large tuft as close to the roots as possible (that will make it hurt less). Then grind your crotch into her ass and tell her erotic things about how she deserves to be treated and how you’re going to treat her during sex. If this sounds confusing, have a conversation with your partner over dinner and ask what kind of things they may like to hear during both romantic and submissive sex.
  • Use smooth but forceful and aggressive body movements. Push her body down and pull her into you wildly. Hold onto her hips or shoulders. Squeeze her nipples. Flip her around into other positions and then bring her back to doggy style.
  • Kneel in front of her and lightly face-fuck her.

 

TYPES OF DOGGY STYLE POSITIONS

 

1: Traditional

The basic doggy style position has the girl on her hands and knees. If you start out in this position, don’t be surprised if the girl lays her torso down instead of holding herself up on her arms. Lying halfway down like this is simply more comfortable and doesn’t affect what you’re doing behind her. Whether she’s on her hands or chest, this position works great for pounding sex.

 

2: Froggy Style

Instead of kneeling behind your girl, thrusting your cock straight into her, you can push yourself up into a half-kneeling, half-standing position and lean forward over her back. From this position, your penis will be angled downward. So when you thrust into your partner, your penis could hit her G-spot. This can be very pleasurable for women, but it’s very strenuous on the man’s leg muscles. If you can’t hold this position for long, consider saving it until the last few minutes of sex.

 

3: Woman leaned back

When you’re kneeling behind your woman, and she is on all fours, pull her torso towards your chest so you’re both kneeling. Then slide your penis inside of her vagina. You won’t be able to get your penis in as deep as in the traditional doggy style position. However, if you aim your thrusts low you may be able to hit the G-spot. That could pay off well, but this position is a little awkward for both people to hold, especially the woman who has to hold herself upright while you pound into her from behind/below. This is an intimate way to embrace a woman. So do it enough to show her you care and then let her lay back down where she can relax and focus her mind on the pleasure you’re giving her.

 

4: Standing

Instead of having the woman down on all fours, have her stand up and either lean against the wall or over a desk, couch or counter. This way you can draw on the full power of your legs to fuck your partner as hard as physically possible.

Fucking a girl against the wall is great for impromptu, carefree sex. However, the idea is usually more erotic than the reality. Women tend to want to lean over when being fucked from behind. If they lean too low against the wall and you’re pounding them with all the force your legs can muster, you’re likely to ram their head into the wall. They’ll be more comfortable if you lean them over the back of a couch. That will also have cushions to pad their abdomen. If you lean a girl over a table and ram into them full force, you could bruise their abdomen against the table… unless you put a cushion there.

 

5: Girl on her stomach

Have a girl lay on her stomach with her legs together. Then lie on top of her and enter her vagina from behind. If you want to be intimate, lay your chest flat on her back when your penis is inside her. If you want to give harder thrusts, then kneel over her ass and enter her vagina. Either way, be careful not to enter her anus… unless she’s into that.

If you put a pillow under her hips and lay your chest on her back, then when you thrust downward your penis could hit her G-spot same as in the froggy style. However, where froggy style is the most exhausting variation of doggy style, this is the least physically demanding. If your partner has a cushy butt, this position will feel even better for you. This position feels great for slow, medium or fast sex. It’s also great for irregular speed and hip-swiveling thrusts. You can really get playful in this position. Wrap your arms around your girl, pin her, whisper in her ears, bite her neck and pull her hair. You could even give a girl an erotic back massage while penetrating her. One downside to this position is that you can’t drive your penis as hard or deep as you could in tradition doggy style. Another problem is that it limits how well you can use toys to stimulate the clit. For those reasons, this position is best suited for the beginning or middle of a sexual session, not the grand finale.

 

https://youtu.be/IFGYds68vE0

HOW DO YOU THRUST?

 

Listed below are the pros and cons of each angle.

1: Straight forward

You don’t have to get artistic with your thrusts in the doggy style position. It’s perfectly okay to just pump your hips straight forward. If you want to use a more advanced technique, just pound straight forward harder. You’d be amazed how much women enjoy a good, hard straight forward pounding in the doggy style position. If you want to fixate on your technique, then fixate on your breathing technique so you can hammer away on your partner’s yearning pussy longer.

 

2: Pressing low

You may have to sacrifice some speed and force to do this, but if you thrust in a way that the base of your cock presses against the vaginal canal you can stimulate the G-spot. Combining G-spot stimulation and deep, hard, fast penetration is a recipe for great sex. If the girl stimulates her own clitoris using her fingers or a toy while you fuck her this way, she’ll have a very good chance of having an orgasm.

 

3: Stirring

You can swivel your hips a little to angle your penis to hit the sides of the vaginal canal. However, this doesn’t work as well in the doggy style position as it does in the missionary position. You can do a little of this to be playful at first, but it’ll get boring quickly. As a general rule, don’t try to get too creative in this position. It’s just not suited for it.

 

WHAT SPEED SHOULD YOU THRUST?

 

Listed below are the pros and cons of each thrusting speed.

1: Slow

You should always begin PIV sex slowly to allow your partner’s vagina time to lubricate and expand. While doggy style isn’t a very intimate position to start a sex session in, it does create a perfect angle for the penis to enter the vagina comfortably. So it can be a good position to begin with if tightness is a problem.

However, slow doggy style sex tends to get boring quickly since there’s so little interaction between the two people. So if you’re going to have slow doggy style sex, make up for the lack of intimacy by telling your partner sexy things and by groping them as much as you can.

Another way to make slow doggy style more exciting is by thrusting harder (assuming the vagina is already loose enough for hard penetration). Using slow, hard thrusts in conjunction with pulling a woman’s hair and telling her how hard she deserves/needs/will be fucked will make a woman feel safe, overpowered and eager for more all at the same time.

 

2: Medium

You can rarely go wrong with a good medium pace in any position. It feels good. It lasts longer than fast sex, and it builds stronger orgasms. Once you get a rhythmic, medium pace going for a while you’ll eventually want to take it up a notch. Instead of taking it up a notch by thrusting faster, try staying at a medium pace while thrusting harder. This gives your partner’s vagina more stimulation without numbing it from rapid friction.

 

3: Fast

Doggy style can be fun at any pace, but the position lends itself best to hard, fast sex for obvious reasons. As mentioned earlier, the vagina is angled perfectly to be penetrated by the penis, which means the penis can enter the vagina comfortably for the woman. It also means that the penis can penetrate the vagina as deeply as possible. At the same time, you can thrust into her as hard and fast as your body is capable while also holding onto her hips and pulling her into you as hard as you can. The physical intensity of fast, hard doggy style sex accentuates the erotic nature of the woman’s exposed, trusting position. Those two factors combined add up to great sex. And on those occasions when a girl doesn’t care about the context of sex and just wants to get fucked until she can’t remember her burdens, this position will allow you to give her that experience.

 

WHAT KIND OF SEX TOYS CAN YOU USE IN THE DOGGY STYLE POSITION?

 

1: Restraints

The doggy style position already puts the woman in an exposed position. The erotic nature of offering her body to you can be accentuated by tying her hands together or to something in front of her (like the headboard). You can also tie her feet together, but unless you’re getting really kinky, don’t tie her hands to her feet or she won’t be able to move at all. You can also put a blindfold or mouth gag on her.

Restraining a woman when she’s already exposed and helpless increases the trust she places in her partner, which increases the intimacy and meaning of the experience. And on the occasions when she wants to be fucked without regard for social etiquette, the restraints add an extra layer of delicious naughtiness.

 

2: Buttplug

If your woman wants to experiment with anal play for the first time, you should have PIV sex in the doggy style position while inserting a butt plug in her ass. This way she can experience a pleasurable deep vaginal fucking while experiencing anal penetration for the first time. She doesn’t have to see, touch or help put the butt plug in. So even though she’s already consented to it happening, it’s out of sight and out of mind until it happens. Anal beads work well also.

 

3: Clitoral stimulator

Most women can’t have an orgasm by PIV sex alone. They need clitoral stimulation. The three things that stimulate the clitoris best are tongues, fingers, and mechanical clitoral stimulators. Anytime you can use one of these to stimulate the clit during PIV sex you’re setting the stage for a female orgasm.

It would be impractical for the man to reach around his partner during doggy style sex to stimulate her clitoris with his fingers or a toy. The exception is when the woman is leaning back, but that’s an awkward position to hold for a long time, and you won’t be able to thrust very hard since you’ll have to control what your hand is doing in front of/below your partner. However, the woman can use one hand (if she’s on all fours) or both hands (if her torso is lying flat on the bed) to stimulate her own clitoris. If she’s willing to do this she can have mind-blowing clitoral stimulation and deep, fast pounding PIV sex at the same time. If she’s using a butt plug as well, she stands to have an orgasm that could take days to recover from.

 

WHEN SHOULD YOU SPANK A GIRL’S BUTT?

 

Inevitably, you’ll be tempted to spank a woman’s upturned, bare ass before or during sex. Here’s what you need to know about that. Most girls enjoy a little spanking as long as it’s in the right context. The physical act of spanking is exciting and pleasurable, but the most erotic aspect of spanking is the trust exercise between the giver and the receiver. The idea is that the receiver can trust you to administer small doses of pain without causing too much pain or disregard for their feelings. You create that context by kindly caressing her ass, and showing her you care about her. Then spank her lightly, caress, spank, caress, repeat. Give her a few spanks, and if she responds well, spank her a little more. If she doesn’t seem to be getting much out of it, move on. Always finish a spanking session with kind caressing, and the more pain you inflict on your partner, the more aftercare you should give her.

You may be apprehensive about spanking a woman. You might be worried she’s not that kinky, and you’re not cool enough to administer a spanking without looking corny. The only time that’s likely to happen is if you’re you start a sex session in the doggy style position with a nervous woman you’ve never slept with before, and you spank her weakly and awkwardly. The safest time to administer a spanking is after you’re halfway through a sex session, and you’re both really hot, excited and losing control. Once a woman is already into having her body rocked, then one or two confident smacks in the ass can accentuate the submissive nature of the doggy style position. It will stimulate her body and communicate to her that she’s being fucked by a wild, confident man who she can trust to the point of allowing him to administer light amounts of pain to her safely. That’s sexy.

 

 

SHOULD YOU GO DOWN ON A GIRL IN THE DOGGY STYLE POSITION?

 

Most women find it difficult to have an orgasm while kneeling on all-fours because they’re too distracted by the chore of balancing on all fours to focus on their orgasm. It’s not impossible, but it’s much, much easier for them to have an orgasm while they’re laying on their back relaxing. A little cunnilingus always feels good, but don’t linger at in in the doggy style position. Stimulate her and move on to the pounding she’s waiting for.

 

If you enjoyed this post, you’ll also like these:

 

Sex positions and techniques
General Sex Advice
Dating Advice
Relationship Advice
Philosophy of Sexuality
Friendship
My Tweets About Romance

Leave a comment   |  tags: , , , , , | posted in Sex Positions and Techniques

September 29, 2017

How To Be Bad At Sex: 17 Common Misconceptions and Mistakes To Avoid

By wise sloth

1: Contribute very little during sex.

Good sex isn’t something one person does to another. When one person does all the work, they’re just using the other person’s body as a masturbation device. That can be fun sometimes, but it becomes unfulfilling very quickly. Good sex is like tango. It’s a dance between two people who read each other’s body language and work in tandem to express and explore a shared emotional experience.

Good lovers use everything they’ve got to engage their partner fully. Bad lovers don’t instigate sex, and when they allow sex to happen, they lay there like a sack of potatoes and grunt like a lazy cat when their partner tries to instigate a new position. Nobody wants to have sex with a groaning sack of cat potatoes.

 

Picture of a burlap sack full of potatoes that all have meowing cat faces

 

2: Contribute very little outside of sex.

Bad lovers think of sex as beginning when an orifice is penetrated. Good lovers think of sex as everything that happens after clothes start coming off. Great lovers think of sex as the total sum of their relationship with their partner.

Every interaction you have with your partner at any point in time is a chance for you to give or deny them pleasure. Every compliment, every gift, every touch, every look is just as important as what happens during physical sex. If you can give your partner an orgasm every time you have sex, but you withhold affection the rest of the time, that makes you bad at sex.

 

3: Always be in control.

There’s a lot to be said for taking charge and knowing what you’re doing. Your sexual skills may be world class, and your partner may love to be dominated, but there’s something valuable lost in perpetual one-sided sex. You don’t get to experience the fullness of the other person, and they don’t get to experience giving their self to you. Again, you may both agree that you’re good at what you do, but in the bigger picture, you’re only half good at what you do.

 

4: Withhold sex.

I said earlier, what you do outside the bedroom to pleasure your partner is just as important as what happens inside the bedroom. Well, what happens in the bedroom is important. Making love to your lover is the most intimate way you can express your love to them. By cutting off sex, you’re cutting off love.

You may have a perfectly good excuse for not wanting to have sex. You may have had a traumatic experience in your past, or a lifetime of not being loved has left you hollow, but if the obstacle is mental, and you claim to love your partner, then go see a therapist. If you can’t express your love through sex then express your love through getting help and mending the scars that are keeping you apart.

If you have a medical issue that prevents you from having sex with your partner, get as close to sex as you can without putting yourself at risk of danger. As long as the shared emotional experience is there, you’ve succeeded at sex.

But people who simply withhold sex because they have an agenda are terrible at sex, love and domestic partnership.

 

5: Don’t create ambiance.

Sex is more than just the penetration of an orifice. Sex is a total mind/body experience. Every touch, every word, every intention, every detail is part of the experience… including the physical environment.

A bad lover leaves dirty clothes lying all over the room and never changes the sheets. A good lover keeps the house clean, lights scented candles and wears nice underwear. A great lover takes their partner to a bed and breakfast in the mountains with a private outdoor hot tub, two bottles of champagne and a basket of strawberries.

 

6: Don’t get your partner in the mood

Men typically don’t take much inspiration to get in the mood to have sex, but women’s bodies need to be primed to crave more stimulation. Quickies are great every once in a while, but the less often you put in the effort to get her in the mood, the more rushed and obligatory sex with you will feel.

 

 

7: Don’t pay attention to your partner.

In order to please your partner sexually, you need to find out what they want and then give it to them. That sounds simple enough, but every single human has different sexual preferences and needs. Each individual has different wants and needs at different times. They even change over the course of a single sexual session, and no two sessions are exactly the same. So if you want to pleasure your partner, it’s imperative that you pay attention to them. Watch them until you can predict what they want before they even want it. Then fuck them like you can read their mind. Then you’ll be a great lover.

 

8: Don’t communicate during sex.

You don’t have to be able to read your partner’s mind to know what they want. You can just ask them right there in the moment during sex. It doesn’t have to be awkward. You can ask in a sexy tone of voice, and even if your execution isn’t perfect, nobody is going to resent you for asking what they want and then giving it to them.

Likewise, you don’t have to wait for your partner to ask you what you want. If you want something, you can just open your mouth and say it. Your partner is already trying to please you. The easier you make their job, the happier they’ll be. You’d be surprised what you can get if you just ask.

There’s more to talk about during sex than just instructions and directions. See, everybody is born lost and lonely. We’re all just trying to make the most out of the brief time we have in this cold, savage world. Everybody yearns to be loved, wanted, appreciated, comforted, valued, and maybe even worshiped a little. We all want to know we matter, and sex gives us that positive feedback we so rarely get from the outside world. Sex without words is music without a song. You don’t have to spout poetry though. Just speak from the heart, and simply tell your partner a few of the wonderful compliments they’ve been waiting since childhood to hear.

Words are just one way to communicate. You can also use moans, shouts, groans and body language. Use your eyes, lips, hips, and fingertips to communicate your passion for your partner. When they do something right, let them know by moaning and writhing. Then you won’t have to have as many instructional conversations during sex.

 

9: Don’t communicate about sex outside of sex.

Your partner will appreciate you asking for their input during sex, but nobody wants to play “20 questions” every time they have sex. You can speed up the process of learning your partner’s likes and dislikes by asking them at the dinner table for example. Pro Tip: It may help to get a bottle of wine in them to loosen their tongue before asking them to confess their naughty fantasies. Even without alcohol, you can learn things about your partner you would never have guessed in a thousand years simply by asking them. Then, you can come to bed prepared to rock your partner’s world.

It’s like the old saying goes, “Proper preparation prevents poor performance.”

 

10: Be impatient and judgemental.

Sex is a celebration of two people’s lives. It’s a distilled embodiment of everything good in reality. You’ll never give or receive the best sex possible if you measure the value of another human being by what they can do for you because what you’re doing isn’t even sex. You’re just feeding on a host.

Even without getting philosophical about what “real sex” is, you’re going to degrade the quality of sex by being impatient and judgmental simply because you’re going to frustrate, embarrass, and discourage your partner with your negativity. That’s going to put them in a bad place mentally, which will degrade the quality of their sexual performance. If you had just not been whiny, and taken the time to compliment and coax them and build them up instead of tearing them down, they would have pounced on you like a berserk sex lion and shook you all night long like AC/DC instead of stuttering through the rest of your sex session like Charlie Brown.

 

11: Don’t do foreplay.

Sometimes you don’t have time for foreplay. Sometimes you and your partner are just so horny you can’t wait another minute for penetration. Rushed sex has its time and place. However, if you almost never engage in foreplay before sex, you’re not making the most out of sex for several reasons.

First, it generally takes a woman at least 10 minutes of erotic stimulation for her vagina to moisten, relax and stretch enough to be prepared for comfortable, rewarding penetrative sex. Let that sink in, men. 10 minutes is the bare minimum. If you rarely spend more than 10 minutes on foreplay, you’re rarely a good lover.

Another reason to spend more time on foreplay is because the longer both men and women are sexually stimulated, the more intense their orgasms will be. And foreplay feels really good physically. There’s no sense in passing that up. But more importantly, foreplay is an emotionally bonding experience. Skipping foreplay isn’t skipping a chore. It’s skipping an opportunity to experience the fullness of each other’s being.

 

 

12: Don’t do oral.

If you think oral sex is nasty, you’re naïve and selfish. You’re also a hypocrite if you think that statement is judgmental. You’re the one who judged your lover’s body to be so vile and worthless that you refuse to kiss it.

Your partner’s body isn’t nasty. Your partner is a miracle inside and out. Only a very small handful of people in all of eternity will ever get to know them intimately or see them naked. Of all the people in the world they could choose to expose themselves completely to, they chose you… and you returned the honor by recoiling in disgust!?

Your partner deserves someone they can celebrate their body with fully and freely. The tragic irony is, by choosing not to fully experience your partner, you’re missing out on all the incredible joys that come from giving and receiving oral sex (of which, physical pleasure is only one of).

 

13: Don’t do anal.

Being hesitant to do anal doesn’t make you a prude. There are legitimate concerns when it comes to anal sex, but allow me to illustrate the bigger picture through the use of a metaphor:

Two couples go to a carnival together. They approach a giant Ferris wheel. One couple wants to ride it, but the other couple is scared of falling off and doesn’t think the seats would be comfortable. The first couple goes on the ride and has the time of their life. After the ride is over they tell their friends how great the experience was. The friends brush them off saying, “If you liked it, that’s fine. It’s just not for us. We don’t have any interest in doing that sort of thing. We’re just not that kind of people.” The first couple drops the issue and respects their friend’s right to not be interested in having fun because they’re just not adventurous people.

I’m not saying you’re a bad person if you won’t take a dick in the ass. But if you won’t even consider a finger during oral or a butt plug during sex, you’re almost going out of your way not to have fun.

 

14: Don’t use sex toys.

The same metaphor I used for anal applies to using toys. However, anal sex involves feces and can be painful when done incorrectly. Most sex toys are no more dangerous or spiritually unnatural than a coffee mug.

Men need to understand that no woman is ever going to leave a man for a vibrator that’s bigger than his penis. No toy is ever going to replace a flesh and blood human who can hold, love, care for and impress a woman. Toys aren’t a threat. They’re an opportunity to achieve better orgasms with less physical effort. No woman is going to roll over after a sex session using toys and say, “The toy was better than you.” They’re going to roll over and say, “What we just did together was great.”

I’m just saying, work smarter not harder. And, the fewer ways you make your lover orgasm, the less you’ve done for your lover.

 

 

15: Be unhealthy.

Sex with an Olympic athlete is going to be better than sex with an Ebola patient. I say that without disrespect or judgment towards the Ebola patient. This is a stoic fact. Sex is literally calisthenics. The better shape your body is in, the better you can do calisthenics.

We can’t all be Olympic athletes, but what we can do, we should, and let’s be honest, are you really doing everything you can to be in as good of shape for your partner as possible? If not, you’re not doing everything you can to be the best lover you can be.

 

16: Don’t practice safe sex.

It doesn’t matter how good you are at sex if, after each session, you put a bullet in a revolver, spin the chamber, point the barrel at your partner’s head and pull the trigger. Nothing will alter the course of a person’s life quicker and more totally than an STD or an unplanned pregnancy. Putting someone at risk for either of those fates is the most disrespectful thing you can do to them. If you don’t practice safe sex, you automatically lose your good lover card.

 

17: Always do the same thing.

If you only ever have sex in the missionary position in the same place at the same time at the same speed every time you have sex, you are most definitely not fulfilling your potential. Even if you and your partner have been together long enough to know exactly what the other person likes best, if you only have sex in your favorite positions, they’ll eventually become as boring as your favorite pop song that got overplayed on the radio. Even the sweetest, most sensual, romantic, loving sex will get old and stale if it’s the only kind of sex you ever have.

Don’t be afraid of having sex in positions that aren’t you’re favorite. Have sex in different positions, locations, times, durations, speeds, and tones. You can always revert back to the old faithful techniques to get you off at the end of a sex session. In the meantime, taste all the flavors of the rainbow. People who have experienced 100 different pleasures will probably die happier than people who have experienced 5 pleasures. And couples who have had sex in 100 different situations, have experienced their partner 100 different ways. Couples who have only had sex 5 different ways… haven’t experienced much of each other.

Variety is the spice of life. Good lovers are spicy. Bad lovers are vanilla.

 

https://youtu.be/ATzDA29TajI

 

If you enjoyed this post, you’ll also like these:

 

Sex positions and techniques
General Sex Advice
Dating Advice
Relationship Advice
Philosophy of Sexuality
Friendship
My Tweets About Romance

Leave a comment   |  tags: , , , , , | posted in Sex Positions and Techniques

September 29, 2017

How To Have Anal Sex: A Beginner’s Guide

By wise sloth

“Anal sex or anal intercourse is generally the insertion and thrusting of the erect penis into a person’s anus, or anus and rectum, for sexual pleasure. Other forms of anal sex include fingering, the use of sex toys for anal penetration, oral sex performed on the anus (anilingus), and pegging. Although the term anal sex most commonly means penile-anal penetration, sources sometimes use the term anal intercourse to refer exclusively to penile-anal penetration, and anal sex to refer to any form of anal sexual activity, especially between pairings as opposed to anal masturbation.”

Note: Since anal sex is gender-neutral, this blog will refer to the person doing the penetration as “The Top,” and the person being penetrated will be referred to as “The Bottom.”

 

WHAT SHOULD YOU DO TO PREPARE FOR ANAL SEX?

 

 

Step 1: Communicate.

The first step towards having virgin anal sex with your partner is to talk to them about it. Never pressure anyone into doing anything they don’t want to. Just express your interest, and explain the benefits and the process. Create a plan and agree on your boundaries. The better they understand what they’re getting into, the fewer misconceptions they’ll have holding them back.

 

Step 2: Acclimate The Bottom’s mind and body.

If you don’t loosen the anus before penetration then you run a high risk of tearing the tissue. So you’ll want to loosen it with some light stretching before you penetrate it with your penis or strap-on. It’s a good idea to begin the process a few days before you do the real deed. Not only will this prepare the tissue for preparation, but it also acclimates your partner’s mind. It’s a natural reflex for the body to tense up when the anus is penetrated, and if you try to force your way through you increase your risk of tearing tissue. If The Bottom is already used to being penetrated, they’ll be more relaxed and more able to safely and enjoyably receive deeper penetration.

You’ll definitely want to loosen the anus immediately before penetration every time. You can use a finger for this, but if either of you has anxieties about poop, this could be a turn-off. You could wear a medical glove to keep from getting your fingers dirty, but some people may find still find that awkward. Also, many people have latex allergies. So you may want to use a non-latex glove just to be safe.

Your other option is to use a sex toy. There are a dizzying number of sex toys on the market. The most important thing you need to remember when picking an anal sex toy is that the anus tends to pucker when penetrated, which can suck toys into the anus resulting in an embarrassing trip to the E.R. to have it removed.

There are anal pros who will tell you that you can safely use vibrators and dildos for anal play, but most X-Ray technicians would advise you to only use toys that are designed not to get lost. The safest, simplest toy is a butt plug with a wide base. An added bonus to using a butt plug is that you can insert it and leave it there while you make out or have oral or PIV sex prior to anal penetration. Both partners can also wear a butt plug so that The Bottom doesn’t feel like the experience is one-sided. Not only is that a fair compromise, but it’s actually a great opportunity for both people because hey, anal penetration is fun.

Wearing a butt plug can give a man a higher-level orgasm, but he can get an even higher-level orgasm by having a vibrating prostate stimulator inserted in his anus. Again, make sure you use one with a wide base. If you give a man a blowjob while probing his anus with a vibrating prostate stimulator, he’ll have a mind-blowing orgasm, and it’ll be a great bonding/equalizing experience for both of you.

Whatever you stick into an anus, it’s absolutely vital to lubricate both the object and the anus first. You’ll want to use 5-10 times the amount of lube as you would use to lubricate a vagina. When in doubt, err on the side of caution. Nothing bad is going to happen from using too much lube, but you can easily create a worst-case scenario by using too little.

When lubricating the anus, the thing to remember is that, unlike the vagina, the anus doesn’t produce its own internal lubricant. So if you apply a generous amount of lube to the opening and the object, then stick it in, the object will slide in easily for an inch or so, but the lube will quickly rub off on the sides of the anal cavity, and then the dry object will hit dry tissue and tear it. So you want to lube the hole and the object, penetrate the anus a little bit. Then re-lube the opening and the object and penetrate it again. Then do that again. Keep in constant communication with your partner to determine how many times you have to repeat the process, and be prepared to re-apply even more lube at any time during anal play.

Not everyone wears a condom for anal sex, but until you’re in a long-term monogamous relationship with someone, you should, because it prevents the risk of STDs and UTIs. It defeats the purpose of having fun if it’s going to make you sick.

If you’re worried about poop, you can take a laxative or get an enema earlier in the day to clean out your colon prior to having your anus penetrated. Beware though, if you take laxatives or receive enemas too often, your body will become dependent on them, and then your life is going get a lot harder. The simplest thing you can do to keep your colon clean, is to eat plenty of fiber like Shredded Wheat. Just don’t eat too much fiber or you’ll get constipated.

 

Step 3: Lube up the anus.

There are tons of options available for anal lube. If you’re looking for the best anal lube for you and your partner, check review sites like Lubricant Reviews to see all of the options available. A good anal lube will usually be thicker than your standard lube and some of these products include a desensitizing agent that help numb the sphincter. Because of this numbing agent, you MUST be careful how fast you proceed in case your partner is not fully aware of any issues with unintentional tearing.

 

ANAL SEX POSITIONS

 

There’s no one right or best position for anal sex. They all have their pros and cons. The question is which position you and your partner most comfortable with and what mood you’re trying to set. Here’s a list of the pros/cons of the basic positions to help you figure out what’s best for you and your partner:

 

1: Normal doggy style

Of all the sex positions, doggy style is the most synonymous with anal sex for one good reason: It angles the anus perfectly to slide an object in comfortably (though other positions can be just as comfortable). It also allows The Bottom to play with their genitals while being pleasured from behind.

The downside of doggy style is that it’s the least intimate position. So if you’re doing anal for the first time, you might want to start in the doggy style position for a few minutes and then switch to a different position in which there’s no chance of The Bottom feeling like they’re being used as an impersonal fuck toy. Having said that, you should revisit the doggy style position when you’re both ready for hard, wild, uninhibited anal sex,

 

2: Laying on the stomach

Have The Bottom lay flat on their stomach (possibly with a pillow under their hips), and have The Top mount them. This is more relaxing for The Bottom than doggy style, it provides a good angle for penetration, and it allows The Top to hug and kiss The Bottom thus making anal sex a more intimate full body experience. The only problem is it’s difficult for The Bottom to pleasure themselves.

 

3: Spooning

Spooning gives you just as good of an angle for penetration as the previous two positions, and it allows for more intimacy. Plus, it gives The Bottom plenty of room to pleasure themselves with their hands or toys. The Top can even reach around and pleasure The Bottom’s genitals. This way, The Bottom isn’t just someone that anal sex is happening to, they’re the center of attention, and they have a good chance of having an orgasm (as long as their genitals are being stimulated while their anus is being penetrated).

 

4: Missionary

The missionary position is arguably the most intimate sexual position. It gives both partners the most room to kiss and use all their body parts to express their passion. If you put a pillow under The Bottom’s hips, they can be comfortably penetrated.  The Bottom has the freedom to relax on their back completely or take control of the speed and force of the thrusts. Both partners also have room to pleasure The Bottom’s genitals with their hands or toys. If your goal is to make your first anal sex session as romantic as possible, you may want to use the missionary position.

 

5: Cowgirl

The cowgirl position gives The Bottom more control over the speed and force of thrusts than any other position. So if you’re nervous about anal being too intense and damaging your bodily tissue, this might be a good position to start in. If The Top lays flat on their back, they may not get the intimacy they’re looking for. But if The Top sits on a chair or couch and has The Bottom straddle them while they’re sitting upright, then both partners can experience lots of intimacy, and if The Bottom is a female, she can rub her clit against The Top’s abdomen and possibly get an orgasm. If your main concern is that anal sex is as physically pleasurable for both partners, you might want to use this position.

 

6: Reverse Cowgirl

Everything I just said about the cowgirl position applies to the reverse cowgirl position. The two biggest differences are that if The Bottom is a female, she can’t rub her clit against The Top’s abdomen. However, if The Top is sitting upright, he/she can easily reach around and pleasure The Bottom’s genitals using hands or toys. So more than any other position, this gives a female Bottom the most potential to be the center of attention.

 

ANAL SEX SPEEDS

 

If you or your partner are nervous about anal sex, talk with each other about what speed/s you’re going to use ahead of time. The more everyone understands what they’re getting into, the less reason anyone will have to be anxious.

 

1: Slow

You definitely want to start out an anal sex session very slowly to give The Bottom’s mind and body time to acclimate. If it’s their first time, you might not even want to ever build up to medium or fast speeds. There’s nothing wrong with penetrating The Bottom and then holding your penis or strapon inside them without ever thrusting at all. This way you can use all your time together to focus on pleasuring The Bottom’s genitals while they’re statically/passively penetrated from behind. This will give them a safe, pleasurable, intimate experience that could wet their appetite for more vigorous anal play later on instead of shocking them and scaring them away from experimenting with anal in the future. Another option is to statically/passively penetrate them for a few minutes and then work your way up to slow, fluid pumps and stick with that pace for the rest of the session. This can make for a nice, soothing introduction to anal sex.

 

2: Medium

You always want to start an anal sex session with slow thrusts for the safety of The Bottom. However, if you only ever have slow anal sex, both partners will probably get bored eventually. It’s hard to go wrong with a nice, even medium pace. It allows both partners to feel what’s going on, and it’s probably not going to hurt anyone. Just make sure that your movements are fluid and everyone should have a good time.

 

3: Fast

For the safety of The Bottom, don’t start with fast thrusts. Start slow, then speed up to a medium pace. Stick with that for a little while, and then rev up your speed. Check with your partner first to see if they want you to be that aggressive, and make sure their anus still has plenty of lubrication. Fast anal sex can be great as long as everyone and everything is ready for it.

 

IS IT MORAL TO HAVE ANAL SEX?

 

I’ve never heard a logical, coherent argument for why anal sex is immoral. Sure, it involves poop and the butt, but life involves poop and butts. Poop and butts is a mundane non-issue. There’s no reason for it to be a taboo. It’s just there. Actually, it’s better than just there. It’s a gift. It’s an opportunity for intimacy with the ones we care about. There is only good in that. If we’re not here to live and love, then what the hell are we doing here? I can’t, don’t and won’t believe that we’re here to fear and loathe any part of our bodies. I believe we’re here to live and love, and anal sex is one way of doing that.

Having said that, anal sex is not a moral imperative either. There’s no logical reason why anal abstinence would make you a bad person. Your prerogative is your choice, and your choice is your right. You do your thing and don’t let anyone pressure you into doing something you’re not comfortable with.

 

If you enjoyed this post, you’ll also like these:

 

Sex positions and techniques
General Sex Advice
Dating Advice
Relationship Advice
Philosophy of Sexuality
Friendship
My Tweets About Romance

Leave a comment   |  tags: , , , , , | posted in Sex Positions and Techniques

September 29, 2017

Advice On Sexual Domination And Submission

By wise sloth

Photo of a sexy woman wearing a thick, leather collar around her neck

 

There’s no one right position, technique, speed, duration or tone to have sex. Even if there were one combination of movements that your partner likes best, they’ll get bored of you doing the same thing every time. Being a good sexual partner requires you to understand all the variations of sex and cycle through them.

Sometimes women want to be treated like a princess in bed. Sometimes they want you to communicate how much she means to you by doing things like scattering rose petals on the bed, lighting candles and kissing her softly. She wants you to woo her by undressing her slowly then laying her down softly and making sweet, gentle, tantalizing, intimate, romantic love to her. All of these things will make her feel wanted, understood, cared for and safe. However, if that’s the only way you ever make love to your woman then you don’t understand her, and you’re not satisfying all her needs. Ironically, your good intentions are likely boring her and leaving her unfulfilled.

Most women crave harder, rougher sex every once in a while. This extends to more than just thrusting harder. They want their man to take charge and dominate her. They want to blur the lines of consensuality and submit to an overwhelming and uncontrollable force.

This can be difficult for sexually inexperienced men to understand. Society trains boys to grow up into gentlemen who treat women with respect and reverence, which is good. Furthermore, you should know from your own experiences that if you step over a woman’s personal boundaries in public she won’t hesitate to snap at you and call you a creep or worse. You could even be expelled, fired or arrested for sexual harassment just for talking about sex in front of a woman. If all the women in your life act like high class, prim, sophisticated, modest ladies, you may assume that they want to be treated with the same degree of light-handedness in bed, but that’s not always the case.

If you read any book on the psychology of women’s sexuality, which you should, you may be surprised to learn that most women have rape fantasies. This doesn’t mean that women want to be raped. In fact, many women don’t realize how common rape fantasies are, and they feel profound shame for having these guilty fantasies… yet their imagination keeps returning to that dark place.

Men aren’t any different. 99% of men masturbate, and I would hazard to say that most men with an internet connection will watch internet porn eventually. If you watch enough internet porn, it’s only a matter of time before you masturbate to some scenario that you might not do in real life such as cuckolding, infidelity, gangbangs, bukkake, dubious consent, hardcore BDSM, homosexuality, incest, public sex, glory holes, teen anal, GILF, etc. Hopefully, you don’t feel guilty about that, because it’s okay. Your imagination is a safe place to act out your biological carnal urges. Having exaggerated sexual fantasies isn’t a sign of immorality or weakness. It’s a sign that you’re human. Instead of repressing and loathing these thoughts, we should understand and learn from them.

Women shouldn’t fear and resent men’s sexual fantasies. They should learn from them that men crave variety and excitement. If they want to please a man sexually they should cater to his needs within reason. Men can learn the same lesson from women’s fantasies.

 

 

You don’t have to get psychoanalytical to understand why women would want to be dominated in bed every once in a while. It’s different. It’s exciting. It’s carefree fun. It’s a thrilling, overwhelming sensation that tows the line between safety and danger similar to skydiving or riding a motorcycle. Even men can have a great time letting their guard down and being dominated now and again.

Having said that, you can also find psychological roots for this desire, and all of them are completely natural. Everyone has a psychological need for structure and security. Deep down we all want to be controlled by an authority figure. It makes us feel safe. It takes the burden of responsibility away from us, which feels euphoric. In this way, allowing someone to dominate you doesn’t feel threatening or belittling. Quite the opposite, it feels reassuring and comforting to know that you can trust your lover to take you to the brink of danger without going over the line.

When done correctly, domination won’t make a woman feel disrespected. It will actually make her respect you more because it demonstrates that you’re man enough to take control and exert your will. If you never exert any dominance in bed you run the risk of looking like an insecure wimp in her eyes.

At the same time, when a woman allows herself to be sexually dominated she’s actually exercising control. On the surface, it might look like the dom is controlling the sub, but the sub can stop the sexual encounter at any time. The dom only gets to act in control because the sub lets him. It’s like controlling a raging bull with a remote control. That can be a very empowering experience. It’s similarly empowering for the sub to know that the reason her dom is being wild and ravenous is because she turns him on that much. His sexual appetite is an indicator of how desirable she is. That’s flattering.

On the other hand, sometimes women get weary of acting prim, proper and modest in public all the time. After acting in control for the public for so long they just want to throw their modesty to the wind and indulge in care free ravishing submission. Sometimes they just want to be lazy in bed. Men should be able to understand that. Sometimes men just want to lay on their backs and let the woman do all the work too. We should all get to enjoy that on a regular basis.

For these reasons and more it’s important for men to be dominant in bed sometimes. I can’t tell you how often or how intense that should be. You need to communicate with your partner to understand what she wants.

You might not be comfortable dominating your woman because you’re insecure or just not into that kind of thing. I’m sorry, but you’re going to have to step up to the plate. Imagine if your woman told you, “I’m just not into giving blowjobs, or being on top. So you’re just going to have to live with neither of those things ever happening.” That would be selfish and insensitive, and eventually, you might start looking for a woman who wants to pleasure you in the ways that are important to you. Sex is a give and take. Sometimes you have to do things that aren’t your favorite because it’s important to your lover, and she’s important to you. It’s not going to kill you. Quite the opposite, she’s going to reciprocate the pleasure to you when it’s your turn.

At this point, I may have convinced you to experiment with sexual domination, but you’re still not sure what exactly that entails. The first thing you need to do is ask your partner what she wants. She has likely already been having specific fantasies that she wants you to enact. She’s the only person who can tell you what she wants. You should also read a few books on BDSM for beginners. There are hundreds to choose from. You may as well learn from the masters.

Being sexually dominant isn’t just something you do in bed. Depending on how far you and are your partner are willing to take it, you can make a lifestyle around being a dominant alpha male and/or a dedicated sub.  There are hundreds of books and forums covering this topic as well, and they’re worth looking into even if you’re not going to fully swallow the red pill.

For now I’ll give you an easy way to begin talking to your partner about domination and determine what level she wants. Sit down together with this list and discuss how far she wants you to go and how often:

 

Level 1: Light

Domination can be as simple as holding and kissing your woman firmly during sex. You can also press her against the wall, take her clothes off commandingly or tell her what you want her to do during sex. You can also blindfold your woman or restrain her hands behind her back. That takes a little control away from her and adds a higher level of eroticism to sex. All of these techniques demonstrate strength without being offensive.

 

Level 2: Medium

You can turn the heat up another notch by instigating sex more abruptly. Take her clothes off more forcefully. Manhandle her a little more in bed. Spank her ass and grip her tightly. Flip her over into successive sex positions confidently. Use sex positions that put her in a more submissive position like doggy style or the folding deck chair. Thrust harder and talk dirty to her. Pull her hair firmly, but make sure you hold a large tuft of hair close to the roots so it doesn’t hurt. Place your hand around her throat like you’re choking her, but don’t apply any pressure. Just having your hand there is enough to create the impression of dominance without risk of hurting her.

 

Level 3: Hard

Be more vocal about what you want her to do and how you want her to do it. Administer light spanking if she doesn’t follow your orders precisely. Use spanking toys like whips, crops, and paddles. Use other toys like nipple clamps, and gags. Have her be completely naked while you still have most of your clothes on to tip the power dynamics in your favor. Be forceful enough with your thrusting and manhandling that the issue of using a safe word becomes relevant. You can pick your own safe word, but one option that eliminates all confusion is to use “green,” “yellow,” and “red” for “go,” “proceed with caution,” and “stop.” If/when you choke her, apply a little pressure, but read a few articles about the proper way to choke. You’re not crushing the windpipe. You’re applying light pressure to the arteries on the side of the neck. Have your woman dress submissively and spend time both in and out of bed serving you as her master.

 

Level 4: Professional

If you’ve never practiced domination in the bedroom then you shouldn’t begin your journey into BDSM at the most intense level. It’s only logical that you work your way up to using advanced toys and techniques. At this level, you definitely want to have read a few BDSM books and have gone to some fetish parties or clubs, which you should be able to find on the internet.

When done correctly any level of BDSM is empowering, loving and exciting for everyone involved. If you don’t think you’d be into even the lightest BDSM then you probably don’t understand what it is. It’s not a deviant taboo that only wicked perverts do. It’s for everyone. It’s not a line that you cross into sexual perversion. It’s an opportunity for you and your lover to explore each other mentally, physically and emotionally. It’s a natural way to have fun and bond.

It doesn’t cost anything to talk to your lover about spicing up your sex your life a little. You may be surprised to discover that your lover has been waiting to have that conversation with you.

 

If you enjoyed this post, you’ll also like these:

 

Sex positions and techniques
General Sex Advice
Dating Advice
Relationship Advice
Philosophy of Sexuality
Friendship
My Tweets About Romance

 

Leave a comment   |  tags: , , , , , , , , | posted in Sex Positions and Techniques

September 28, 2017

How To Perform Foreplay

By wise sloth

WHAT IS FOREPLAY?

 

The dictionary defines foreplay as,

“erotic stimulation preceding sexual intercourse.”

Wikipedia defines foreplay as,

“a set of emotionally and physically intimate acts between two or more people meant to create sexual arousal and desire for sexual activity.”

Urban dictionary defines foreplay as,

“touching/kissing/licking each other in a stimulating manner, in order to become ‘turned on’ before having actual sex.”

 

Etching of a Reneissance-era man and woman laying in a field, kissing and touching each other

 

Basically, these definitions say foreplay is stuff that happens before sex, but they don’t say what to do, how to do it, or why. To answer those questions, you have to understand a little about how the human body works.

Humans are basically brains connected to a mobile stimulation detector. The reality you experience is the sum product of a bowl full of chemicals in your skull. If you change the chemical composition in your brain bowl by adding a new chemical like L.S.D., you’ll change how you experience reality.

Every time your body experiences sensory stimulation, it changes the chemicals in your brain, which changes how you feel and what you want to do. When you get hurt, your brain produces endorphins that try to numb you. When you’re scared, it secretes adrenaline that sends you into a fight-or-flight panic. When you’re touched softly, it releases cortisol, which makes you relax. When you have sex, it produces oxytocin, which makes you feel high.

The more sexual stimulation your body experiences, the more sexual chemicals your brain releases. You have an orgasm when your chemical composition reaches a tipping point.

If foreplay is getting ready for sex, and people are bowls of chemicals attached to stimulation detectors, then my definition of foreplay is, “stimulating a person’s senses to produce the brain chemicals most conducive to sexual pleasure leading to orgasm.”

 

HOW LONG SHOULD FOREPLAY LAST?

 

Redundant studies have found it takes men 1-11 minutes of sexual sensory stimulation to prime their body chemistry enough to give them an erection and be able to orgasm. It takes 10-20 minutes of stimulation for women’s bodies to complete the hormonal changes necessary to relax/moisten their vagina and get them sex-drunk on oxytocin.

Everyone’s biology is a little different, but apparently, 10-20 minutes is a good amount of time to fool around before penetration. The consequence of not putting in the time is, you won’t have as strong of an orgasm as possible. If both partners are fine with this, and they just want to have sex and get to a quick boom at the end, that’s fine.

The more time you spend stimulating each other’s senses and minds, the stronger your orgasms will be. There’s an art to delayed sexual gratification. It’s called edging and/or tantric sex. Having nuclear orgasms is ideal when you have time to prepare them, but it’s not always necessary or practical to put that much time and effort into foreplay.

If you’re a high achiever, then aim for 30-40 minutes tops, but also consider how much chafing and boredom can happen in that time. 15-30 minutes is a much safer time frame.

However, mental and emotional foreplay can last all day though. If you stimulate your partner’s brain with positive words, sounds, smells, tastes, images, and physical stimulation throughout the day, you’ll pump sexual chemicals into their brain. So their arousal level will be higher than zero when you first touch them.

 

HOW DO YOU PERFORM FOREPLAY?

During foreplay, you should stimulate your partner with sights, sounds, smells, and tastes. Common sense can tell you how to do that. Wear nice underwear, light some scented candles, turn on some mood music, and brush your teeth. What you might be having trouble understanding is, what to do with your body? Here’s a list of options:

1: Ask your partner what they want you to do

Everyone is different. What worked best for your last partner might not work at all on your next. The most consistently successful lovers aren’t the best at reading minds. They’re the best at asking their partners what they want.

If neither of you knows what you like, then experiment with different techniques, modalities, and fetishes. Afterwards, talk about what you did and didn’t like about them. This will help you discover each others’ passions and create new ones together. That will keep your sex life burning bright, but you won’t get anywhere if you don’t communicate.

 

 

2: Make out and dry hump for twenty minutes

If you have no idea what to do during foreplay, you’re overthinking it. You need to stimulate your partner’s skin so their brain will produce sexual chemicals and increase blood flow to their genitals. All you have to do to accomplish that is make out and rub their genitals for a while. It may not be creative, but it’s intimate, and it gets the job done.

There’s no single right speed or intensity. The more you use your best technique, the more boring it will get. Alternate between being romantic and ravishing. All that matters is you’re in sync. So read your partner’s vibe, and go with the flow.

 

 

This advice applies to taking each other’s clothes off as well. How do you know if you should take your clothes off, or let them undress you? Should you undress them, or do you undress each other? Does one person go first, or do you do it together? Do you do it slowly or aggressively? Do whatever the situation calls for. If you need help, then turn on some sexy music, and move your body with the tempo, like you’re dancing. If it’s slow music, go slowly. If it’s fast, be rougher. Don’t think. Just go with the flow and do what you feel.

 

https://youtu.be/kobvCMSFDXU

 

3: Give your partner a full body erotic massage

The most effective way to prep your partner’s body for sex, is to give them a full body erotic massage. If you caress their entire body, you’ll stimulate all their nerve endings, and it’ll take at least twenty minutes. That covers everything you need to warm up their sexual engine to cruising speed.

You don’t have to be a massage expert to give a good sensual massage. Just use soft, flowing, rhythmic movements, and glide your hands all over their body. You don’t need to impress your partner’s mind with fancy techniques. You just need to stimulate all their nerve endings.

My one suggestion would be to not focus too much on stimulating their genitals. Brush by them every once and a while, but don’t focus on them. Waiting and teasing will result in delayed gratification. It’ll make your partner want you to get to the sex, and the more they think about it, the more their body will respond by producing those sexual chemicals and increasing blood flow to their genitals.

There are tons of books, sites, and videos on the internet about the art of sensual, erotic, tantric massages. The more you teach yourself, the more confident you’ll feel when giving a massage. Then your partner will feel your confidence through your touch.

Particularly in women’s brain chemistry, safety equals sexy. When a man demonstrates he’s confident having sex with her, then her body will feel more comfortable having sex with him and send messages to her vagina to relax and get wet. If a man demonstrates insecurity and awkwardness leading up to sex, then her nerve endings report that to her brain, which may respond by chemically inducing feelings of insecurity in her, which can cause her body to shut down sexually to the point it won’t allow her vagina to get wet. So do your homework. Proper preparation prevents poor performance.

 

4: Caress each other

In foreplay, you need to stimulate your partner’s skin, but you don’t need a full body massage. You don’t even need to take your clothes off. Just reach your hand over, touch them, and move your hand around softly. You can caress them lightly, tracing your fingers up and down their body. Or you can hold and squeeze them. If you focus on impressing them with technical proficiency, then your touch is going to feel mechanical, impersonal, and self-indulgent. Your partner doesn’t want to be impressed by your technical skills. They want to feel needed. So touch them in a way that communicates desire.

If you want to spice things up a little more, you can caress them with something that feels good to the touch, like a feather tickler or rose. You can take this to the next level by caressing them with ice or drip melted wax on them. If that’s too intense or scary, find something that’s silky smooth. Then put it in the freezer or the microwave long enough to make it tantalizingly cool or warm.

 

 

5: Practice tantric sex

If/when you want to have foreplay that lasts a really long time, you can use tantric sex. There are lots of instructional books and websites. You should read, share and discuss them with your partner. It’s ironic so much has been said about tantric sex, because the point of it is you don’t do anything. Just sit in the yab yum position, and nuzzle your partner for an insanely long time.

 

https://youtu.be/C5_WlrH8Ifw

 

6: Buy a sex game

If you constantly worry that you’re doing foreplay wrong, then try not being in control. Instead, buy a sex game that tells you what to do by picking cards, spinning wheels or rolling dice. This way, you don’t have to make any decisions. You’ll both have fun. Plus you’ll be able to practice foreplay techniques and learn what your partner likes.

 

 

7: Watch a sexy and/or scary movie

Watching a movie about a person accomplishing a goal stimulates the same regions of your brain as experiencing real-world success. In the same way, watching a sexy movie stimulates the sexual regions of your brain.

Since movies last longer than twenty minutes, you know your partner’s brain will have a lot of time to pump their veins full of sex hormones. If you caress each other and make out a little during the movie, you’ll accomplish everything you’re supposed to during foreplay. At that point, you can jump straight into sex, or pick another technique from this list to do for a while. If you’re both already pretty warmed up, you don’t have to worry about foreplay lasting a whole twenty minutes.

It might seem counter-intuitive to watch a scary movie to get someone in the mood, but there’s a logical reason why it can help you get laid. When you experience fear, your body produces adrenaline, which heightens your senses and makes you feel the need to fight or flight. You get a big rush of motivation to do something to release the tension. Your brain’s reaction to fear is to find safety and protection. If you hold your partner in your arms while they’re scared, their body chemistry will naturally respond to the fear by associating you with protection and comfort. That will make them feel good inside, and their body will want more of that positive feedback, which will make them want more of your touch.

This doesn’t always work, and it’s guaranteed to fail if you watch something gross and disturbing like “The Human Centipede.” For the best chances of success, pick a show that’s sexy and scary, like a slutty vampire flick.

 

https://youtu.be/6m_V1haMNSw

 

8: Practice BDSM

If watching scary movies makes your brain produce adrenaline that can be rolled over into sexual excitation, then it stands to reason that you can accomplish the same effect by scaring your partner in real life. There’s an art form to BDSM that takes years to master, and you shouldn’t attempt it without reading several instructional books, websites and watching videos. You can start by reading my blog, “Advice to men on sexual domination and submissiveness.” If you really want to jump into the world of BDSM, then make a profile on fetlife.com and talk to some real aficionados.

 

https://youtu.be/Ld0g227pF-c

 

The idea behind BDSM, is that one person pretends to be domineering, and the other pretends to be submissive. The “Dom” tells the “Sub” to do things like, “Take off your clothes.” “Kneel.” “Touch yourself.” “Touch me.” etc. When the Sub does something they’re not supposed to, the Dom punishes them with light amounts of pain by spanking, whipping, pinning, pushing, choking, scratching, burning, etc.

The point isn’t to be cruel. It’s to build trust. You begin by caressing the part of their body where you’re going to inflict pain. Then you administer a very tiny amount, followed by caressing the same spot. You alternate stimulating emotions of fear and comfort, which opens Pandora’s box of sexual chemistry. Then, after the BDSM session is over, you engage in aftercare, which means you snuggle lovingly for as long as it takes to confirm the Sub is with a Dom who truly cares about them and isn’t just a selfish, sadistic jerk.

 

 

9: Oral sex

You don’t need to have oral sex every time you have foreplay, and you don’t need to bring your partner to climax every time you go down on them. When should you do it, and for how long? There’s no wrong answer. Just do whatever feels good.

Having said that, there are some guidelines to consider. First, oral sex is one of the fastest ways to stimulate blood flow to your partner’s genitals. So it might seem like a good place to start, but that’s like starting a car engine and then slamming the gas pedal to the floor. This would be effective when you know you don’t have a lot of time and want to get to the sex quickly, but oral sex is most pleasurable when your sex organ is already throbbing with passion, particularly for women.

During the first 1-10 minutes of foreplay, a blowjob is a great way to rev up a man’s engine, and for women who enjoy giving head, it warms them up as well. Once a man is fired up, he’s not going to lose his momentum if you switch to something less stimulating.

For women, the best way to prime their body for orgasm is to start your foreplay session soft and slow, then build up speed and intensity to a crescendo without ever losing momentum. If you start fast and heavy, then slow down and speed up, over and over again, then she’ll ride a wave of hormones towards orgasm, then lose it and have to build it back up again. The more times she has to start over, the more frustrated she’ll become until her body just gives up. So, you might not want to play your strongest hand first.

It’s typically not a good idea to fellate a man all the way to orgasm before sex because he’ll need to take a break for at least five minutes before he can get hard again, if at all. With women, it depends on her mood. Sometimes she’d rather get her orgasm first, so she can sit back and enjoy sex without having to wonder if she’ll get an orgasm today. Other times, they prefer saving the orgasm until during or after sex, so it releases all the tension from foreplay and fucking at once. The best way to know which kind of orgasm she wants is to ask. Though, guys wouldn’t have to, if girls would just tell men what they want.

 

PIcture of Willy Wonka smiling sarcastically and saying, "Oh, your boyfriend doesn't know how to make you cum. Tell me more about why you didn't just say what you want, but it's still his fault you didn't get it?"

 

For a basic foreplay session, try making out and caressing each other for 10-15 minutes, then go down on each other. You can do it one at a time, or in the 69 position. Sometimes foreplay should be about both people pleasing each other, but it’s also good to take turns making it all about your partner. When you’re having a worshiping session, go down on your partner and then proceed to the sex without expecting anything in return.

For more information on oral sex, read these two blogs:

How to go down on a girl

How to go down on a guy

 

10: Manual genital stimulation

Handjobs and fingering follow slightly different rules. Penises usually aren’t overly sensitive when they’re flaccid. So it’s okay to begin foreplay by stroking his cock. It’s a fast and effective way to get him in the mood and stoke his desire for you.

Before a woman has been properly aroused for at least ten minutes, her vagina will probably be sensitive, dry and tight. So if the first thing you do in a foreplay session is cram a bunch of fingers inside her, you’re going to hurt her and trigger her body’s defense mechanisms.

Fingering a woman after she’s been warmed up, is a good way to loosen her up a little bit more and make her body want deeper penetration. There are women out there with fingering fetishes, who enjoy getting finger banged for 5-10 minutes straight. Most often, when women are turned on and yearning for penetration, she’s hungry for cock. Fingering is just teasing, which is erotic but only in small doses. If you’re a virgin and don’t know anything about vaginas, don’t finger bang them at all. You’ll probably do more damage than good.

When fingering a woman, start slow, and penetrate her deeper gradually. Don’t push in until she’s wet enough for your finger to slip in fluidly. Virgins who assume all women love big cocks, also assume the more fingers you can cram in a vagina, the better it will feel. There are some girls who like getting fisted, but 99 times out of 100, women would rather you just use one, or two fingers at most.

A vagina is a sex organ, and the best way to stimulate a sex organ is to massage the part with the most nerve endings. On a woman, that’s the clit, which is outside the vagina. So you should be stimulating that with your tongue, a toy or your other hand, while you’re fingering her.

On the surface, the clitoris looks like a tiny nub, but it extends inside the woman’s body another inch or so, right above the roof of the vaginal canal. If you push up on the roof, you can stimulate the clitoris from the inside. This area is known as the G-spot. Every girl likes their clit internally massaged differently. Ask her, and experiment, but understand that less is usually more. The simplest way to hit the G-spot is to stick your finger all the way in, press it against the roof, and draw it all the way out, slowly. This will guarantee you hit as much of it as possible. Just keep doing that rhythmically, and it will have a positive effect.

 

11: Self-stimulation

Instead of stimulating each other, you and your partner can watch each other stimulate yourselves. It may seem awkward and embarrassing at first glance, but that’s exactly why you should do it. You get to see a side of each other most people won’t. You get to share yourself laid bare, while simultaneously experiencing the rush of voyeurism.

Your partner knows you feel vulnerable. That’s part of what makes masturbating in front of them so hot. It shows courage and trust. Plus, seeing you experience pleasure stimulates the same regions of their brain as when they experience pleasure. You’re basically mind-fucking them, and they love it. Best of all, it shows them how you like to be pleasured.

 

If you enjoyed this post, you’ll also like these:

 

Sex positions and techniques
General Sex Advice
Dating Advice
Relationship Advice
Philosophy of Sexuality
Friendship
My Tweets About Romance

Leave a comment   |  tags: , , , , , , | posted in Sex Positions and Techniques

September 28, 2017

How To Go Down On A Guy

By wise sloth

(Safe for work) photo of a girl giving a man a blowjob

 

Note: Every guy is a little different, and they have their own likes/dislikes. If you want to know how to please your man, ask him. If he doesn’t know what he likes or you don’t want to ask, this guide is a good starting point.

Step 1: The Build Up

You don’t have to wine and dine a guy to get him in the mood to enjoy a blowjob. Men’s lust might turn on and off like a light switch, but human sex organs aren’t light switches. They need to be stimulated and aroused. The longer and harder you stimulate them the more powerful of an orgasm they’ll produce. You can begin stimulating the sex hormones in your man’s body long before you put his cock in your mouth. Here are a few ways to do that:

1: Sext him throughout the day and tell him erotic things.

2: Send him sexy pictures of you.

3: Be naked or wear sexy lingerie around him.

4: Do a sexy dance for him and give him a lap dance.

5: Practice edging on him over the course of a few hours.

6: Caress his cock throughout the day.

7: Straddle him naked and massage his cock with your vagina.

 

Step 2: The Approach

There are a lot of positions you can go down on a guy in, and they all have their time and their place. The simplest, most reliable position is to have him lie on his back or sit in a chair and you position yourself on your stomach or knees between his legs. However, know that this position will get monotonous for both of you if that’s the only position you ever give him a blowjob from.

There’s no single right way to instigate a blowjob. You can undress your man and kiss your way down to his groin or just unzip his pants and take his cock out. Don’t over-think your approach. You don’t have to kiss and caress every inch of his body or put a ton of work into erotically maneuvering your way between his legs. Chances are your man isn’t over-thinking what you’re doing. He’s probably just thinking, “Yes! I’m going to get a blowjob!”

 

Step 3: The Meet and Greet

When you first put your mouth on his cock, don’t go straight into a mechanical rocking motion. Spend 1-3 minutes caressing the entire length of his cock sensually with your hands, lips, and tongue. It’s not important exactly what you do, as long as what you’re doing is fluid and sensual. You’re just making him feel comfortable and tantalizing him, prepping him for what’s to come. The point is to use this time to express your passion subjectively through your dancing touch for at least 1-3 minutes.

One thing you should strongly consider doing during this time is fondling his balls with your hands and/or tongue. It’s an easy, simple, efficient and effective way to directly stimulate a man’s sex organs, and if you want your man to cum, you need to stimulate his sex organs, because that’s how men cum… by having their sex organs stimulated.

 

Meme of Sterling Archer saying, "Do you want your man to orgasm? Because that's how you make him orgasm"

 

Ladies, think of your man’s balls as sort of like your labia. If a guy goes down on you without caressing and licking your labia at all, you can still have an orgasm if he works your clit the right way, but it would have been a more fulfilling experience if he would have given your labia a little attention somewhere in there. Guys’ balls are the same way.

 

Step 4: Getting Down to Business

The meet and greet stage is warm and cozy, and it serves a legitimate purpose in building a man up to orgasm, but it will probably take a long, long time to bring your man to orgasm by only using random licks and puckers. The same is true when giving cunnilingus to a girl. There quickly comes a point where you need to get down to the mechanical business of directly stimulating the most sensitive part/s of your partner’s sex organs with repetitive motions in order to rock them to orgasm.

The most sensitive part of a man’s penis is the head. Of that, the most sensitive part is the base/rim of the head closest to the shaft. To stimulate it, curl your lips into your mouth so they cover your teeth and put your mouth over the head of the penis. Press your mouth down over the penis and move your head up and down over the base of the head. Covering your teeth with your lips will give you a soft surface to massage his penis with. Not covering your teeth will cut, stab and hurt him. The more soft tissue in your mouth that touches the penis, the better it will feel for the man. So push your tongue up against his cock as well. Don’t over-think this. The goal is just to have as much of your soft tissue touching as much of his soft tissue as possible. Then go forward and backward like you’re giving a hand job with your face. You can get a little zany for the first 1-5 minutes of a blowjob, but 1/3 of the way through the blowjob you’re going to need to settle on one motion and rhythm and stick with it. More about that later.

If you don’t know how much pressure to squeeze with your hand or mouth, ask him. It won’t ruin the mood. It will show that you’re attentive and resourceful. The true test of how good your blowjob is, isn’t how confidently you impressed your man with your pre-existing skills.  The test is how good of an orgasm you gave him.

The most sensitive part of the penis is the base of the head, but the shaft is still sexually sensitive and should not be neglected. You can stimulate the shaft one of two ways. The first way is to take your man’s cock all the way into your mouth until your lips are pressing against the pubic hair around the base of his shaft. This will feel good, but it takes pressure away from the base of the head. So this is a good thing to do a little of during this stage of the blowjob, but you wouldn’t necessarily want to do this for the entirety of the blowjob. It won’t stimulate his head enough, which will make him take longer to orgasm, which means you’ll have to do more work.

The other way to stimulate the shaft is by using one or both of your hands. You can even use one of your hands to fondle your man’s balls while using the other to jerk off his shaft while using your mouth to stimulate the head of his penis. You can also use one or both hands to jerk off the shaft from the top of the head to the base of the shaft, and during the down-strokes (when your hands aren’t touching his head) you can use your mouth to stimulate the head. This method will stimulate him from top to bottom simultaneously. If you never do this then you’re working harder than you have to. Your hands are doing most of the work, and your mouth is getting most of the credit. Just be sure to really lubricate his shaft well with spit or lube before jerking him off.

Whichever combination of these methods you use, do them fluidly and repetitively for a while. It may help to play sexy music with a steady, medium-paced beat to time your strokes to. Don’t keep switching things up. At this stage in the blowjob, repetition will get you farther than creativity. Your man needs to get used to what you’re doing and have time to enjoy it. Every time you change gears, he changes gears and has to spend more time getting used to what you’re doing.

To recap: Start off slow and gradually build up speed (the same is true for a guy going down on a girl). Get a little frisky in the beginning, but settle into a steady, medium pace and keep doing that until you reach Stage 3.

 

Step 5: The Crescendo

There’s no exact time frame for how long the second stage of oral sex should last. You have to read your man’s body language to determine when he’s getting close to cumming. His dick may get larger and harder. You may taste more and more precum. He might breathe, writhe and moan harder. He may start pumping his cock into your mouth. If he does that, he’ll finish quicker if you let him, because he’s doing what feels good to him (and his pleasure is what brings him to orgasm). In that sense, he’s doing you a favor by taking over some of the muscular workload and responsibility for using proper technique.

When you get the sense that he’s at least three-quarters of the way to an orgasm, it’s time to take things to the next level. At this point, your goal is to push him over the finish line. Now is the time to really focus on stimulating the head of his cock (particularly the base/rim). You can do this by bearing down on his head with your mouth and/or shortening the strokes with your hand to exclude the bottom portion of the shaft of the penis so that most of the attention is on the head.

Your movements (with your head and/or your hands) should get a little faster at this point, but beware that jerking him off and blowing him as fast as possible will probably just confuse the nerves in his body and possibly numb the skin you’re trying to stimulate (just like how you don’t really feel anything when a guy licks your clit too fast).

This is not the time to get creative. If you’re doing something that has pushed your man to stage 3, don’t start doing something different. What you’re doing is working. You just need to speed up what you’re doing a little bit and apply a little more pressure. Do that, and you’ll probably bring him to orgasm pretty quickly.

 

Step 6: The Orgasm

The prospects of having a man shoot a load of sperm into your mouth are understandably concerning. How do you know when it will happen? Will it go down your throat? If you can catch it in your mouth, do you swallow it? Does taking it in your mouth make you a slut? Does swallowing it make you an even bigger slut? Will it taste horrible? If you don’t take it in your mouth then where do you aim it, and what do you do with it?

The best way to know for sure when a guy is about to cum is to ask him (before you go down on him) to tell you when he’s about to cum. If he has a problem with that then he’s probably a jerk and you shouldn’t be going down on him. If he doesn’t expressly say he’s about to cum he may instinctively make a loud groan or yell. His cock may swell and stiffen, and/or his fast-paced breathing may reach a crescendo.

When he does cum he may shoot several loads. The first load may be small, followed by a large one and then a few after shots. The first load may be the biggest, followed by several smaller ones. There may just be one medium or small sized load. The more edging you’ve done, the more he’s turned on, the longer he’s gone without sex, and the better his diet is, the more likely he is to shoot bigger loads.

There’s nothing morally wrong with taking cum in your mouth or swallowing it. Quite the opposite, one could argue that a load of cum is an expression of passion, a gift from one lover to another. Savoring a load of your lover’s cum in your mouth is tantamount to savoring a box of chocolates given to you by your lover on Valentine’s Day. And let’s be honest. You wouldn’t have any moral reservations about your man getting your juices in his mouth when he goes down on you. Well, his juices are as equally wonderful and respectable as yours.

There’s nothing shameful about having cum in your mouth. However, if you simply aren’t ready to accept a throat full of cum for whatever reason, you can always spit it into a napkin or catch as much of it as you can with your hand and discard it hygienically. If you just let the guy blow his load all over his stomach he probably won’t care. He’ll probably just be happy he had a great release. Though, one of you will need to clean it up.

Regardless of what happens to his cum, some guys are bashful about kissing a girl after they’ve had their mouth on his cock. These men are immature and need to accept the glorious sloppiness of sex. There’s nothing morally impure about kissing someone after they’ve gone down on you. It’s no more “icky” than any other of fluid swapping that happens during sex. It’s just part of sex, and any guy who disagrees needs to get the stick out of their ass. Having said that, if a guy doesn’t want to kiss you until you brush your teeth after going down on him then you should respect his wishes and consider going down on someone else next time.

When you’re planning what to do with a penis in your mouth that is about to burst with cum, take into consideration that a moment or two after he cums, the head of his penis will be so sensitive that it will be painful to touch for maybe 5-15 seconds. So when he cums, don’t keep stroking him expecting him to just keep cumming. The head of his penis won’t keep cumming. It will just start burning. You can tenderly stroke the shaft of the penis though. That’s fine and dandy.

 

Other Pointers:

Most heterosexual men are hesitant to have a woman play with his anus. However, any man who is confident and adventurous to experiment with anal play will be rewarded with mind-blowing orgasms because the male equivalent of the female G-spot is inside his anus. To reach the male G-spot, simply insert your finger or sex toy into his anus and press upwards so that you’re pressing up against the base of the internal sex organs. Then rub in and out or in fluid circles. That will stimulate his sex organs from the inside out, and that’s a reliable way to give a man an overwhelming orgasm. This has nothing to do with sexual orientation. That’s just objective science. Ejaculations are produced by stimulating sex organs. So stimulating sex organs from the inside out and the outside in produce full-bodied orgasms. That’s how orgasms work.

 

"Yeah, Science Bitch!"

 

You can stimulate the male G-spot before and/or during the actual blowjob. It’s a good way to warm him up, and it feels even better when it’s being done while he ejaculates. Either way, talk to him about it before you do it as he may not want you to. If you do it, use lots and lots and lots of lube. Start very slowly, and unless you’re both anal pros, don’t finger bang him, because you might damage tissue that is very painful and slow to heal.

You may not like the idea of going down on a man at all, much less licking his balls or fingering his anus because you think it’s either gross, demeaning or spiritually immoral. If you feel that way I’d like to share some reasons why I believe you should reconsider your perception of sexual taboos.

Sticking your lover’s cock in your mouth, licking his balls, and fingering his ass isn’t icky, demeaning activities. They’re profoundly intimate activities. Making love is about experiencing your partner as intimately as possible, and that’s what these activities do. That’s what they are. They’re physically, emotionally, and spiritually intimate connections between you and your lover. There’s nothing spiritually unclean about expressing your affection for another person by engaging in intimacy. So there’s no reason you should withhold these cosmically beautiful experiences from yourself or your lover.

If you’re not impressed by these philosophical justifications, then consider this down to earth observation. When done correctly, the activities I’m talking about are extremely, extremely, extremely pleasurable for a man. Pleasure makes men happy. It might not make him happy forever, but we’re not going to live forever anyway. Life is lived right now. Right now is our only opportunity to be happy. If you give your man a blowjob right now, he’ll be happy right now. If you care about him, then don’t you want him to be happy? Because blowjobs make men happy.

People want to be around people who care about them and make them feel good. People don’t want to be around people who don’t care about them and make them feel bad. People want to spend the rest of their lives with the people who care about them the most and makes them feel the best. And nothing says, “I care about you,” more than putting someone’s cock in your mouth. It’s proof positive of your feelings. It’s emotionally gratifying to a man to receive a blowjob, and guys really want to be with someone who makes them feel that good.

 

Drawing of a Victorian gentleman kissing a well dressed woman on the hand saying, "You had me at fellatio."

 

It takes more than good blowjobs to woo a man. You have to make him feel good emotionally too. And what message does it send him if you don’t want to put his cock in your mouth because you think it’s icky and repulsive or daunting?  You’re telling him that his dick is a revolting, unlovable piece of trash. Men’s dicks are very important to them. They love them. They name them. They base a portion of their self-worth on them. If you’re going to insult their manhood by rejecting it you may as well just kick them in their disgusting balls, because that’s what you’re doing to them emotionally. For these reasons and more, you should want to give your man blowjobs, lick his balls, and finger his anus.

 

If you enjoyed this post, you’ll also like these:

 

Sex positions and techniques
General Sex Advice
Dating Advice
Relationship Advice
Philosophy of Sexuality
Friendship
My Tweets About Romance

 

Leave a comment   |  tags: , , , , , , , | posted in Sex Positions and Techniques

October 28, 2009

How To Go Down On A Girl

By wise sloth

Photo of a beautiful woman's mouth with a cherry between her teeth

Note 1: All women are different. You need to communicate with yours to find out exactly what she wants, but if you don’t have a chance to ask, or she won’t tell you, then this guide is a good starting point.

Note 2: This guide is pretty long. So here’s a short summary if you don’t have time to read the whole thing: Get her in the mood. Turn her on and make her feel special and relaxed. Then lick, kiss, and caress around her vagina for a minute or two. Spend the rest of the time licking her clit rhythmically and rubbing the index finger in and out of her vagina while pressing against the roof. Start slow and gradually speed up, but don’t go too fast. When you find something that works, stick with it until she cums. After she’s done, cuddle with her.

Step 1: Get Her in the Mood

It doesn’t take much more than the sight of a woman to get a man in the mood, and men can have a powerful orgasm by having sex with a woman they’re not emotionally or physically attracted to. Women can too, but as a general rule, their bodies work a little different.

Women’s bodies are more tied to their minds. This means the better they feel emotionally, the better their orgasms will be. In fact, if a woman feels unsafe and insecure enough going into a sexual encounter, then her locked up mind will lock up her body as well, and she might not be able to have an orgasm at all. If you go down on her the right way she might still be able to have an orgasm despite her anxieties, but in order to give her the best orgasm possible you need to get her in the mood first.

If you’ve been with the same woman for a long time you’re obviously not going to spend hours setting the mood every time you’re intimate, but you can always do something, and every bit helps. If you have a one night stand or somehow suddenly find yourself in the position to go down on a girl and haven’t all day to woo her, you can still at least tell her the things that make her feel special and romanced. Here are a few techniques for getting a girl in the mood:

1: Be attractive and confident.

2: Compliment her. Tell her she’s beautiful and special. She put a lot of work into looking nice; compliment whatever she put the most effort into.

3: Talk to her in the morning and tell her you’re going to pamper and tease her all night and give her an epic orgasm. Tell her to think about that all day.

4: Sext her throughout the day and tell her erotic things.

5: Tell her you love her or at least that she’s important to you.

6: Touch her erotically and teasingly periodically throughout the day or over the course of a few hours before anyone gets naked.

7: Give her a gift. Anything is better than nothing. If the gift is delivered to her in front of her friends and/or frenemies then you win.

8: Take her out for a nice dinner at a classy place or cook her a classy meal. Or just give her one chocolate strawberry. Anything.

9: Create a romantic environment that engages as many of the senses as possible. Use candles, music, aromas, dim lights, soft fabric, and make sure the room is clean and classy.

10: Watch a sexy movie.

11: Get her to read some erotic fiction or you could read it to her yourself.

12: Give her a full body erotic massage.

The last item in this list is important enough to emphasize. Giving a girl a full body erotic massage is possibly the best thing you can do to prime her mind and body before going down on her. It gives her time to acclimate to being naked. It shows her that you care. It relaxes her body, which in turn eases any mental anxiety she may have, which in turn makes her body more willing and able to experience a full orgasm later. Plus, an erotic massage is obviously going to get anyone horny. The longer she’s horny the more the delayed gratification will build up inside of her.

Again, you don’t have to spend all day wooing and massaging a woman to give her a good orgasm, but the bigger the build-up, the better the orgasm. If you skip all of this and just go down on her right away there will be little to no build up and thus no pressure to release, and she might still be holding onto anxieties from a hard day’s work or insecurities about her body or her decision to share herself with you.

Step 2: The Approach

Once your girl’s clothes start coming off, you need to read her emotional needs to decide how she wants you to transition from kissing to performing cunnilingus. Sometimes it’s best to go down on her aggressively before she even has all of her clothes off. Sometimes it’s best to kiss every curve on her body first and tease her by grazing past her nether region teasingly over and over before settling down.

The important thing to remember here is that you don’t master sex by memorizing women’s pressure points and then striking them in the right sequence. Sex is less like Karate and more like Tango. Sex isn’t something you do to someone else. It’s something you do together; it’s a dance. Good tango dancing requires the dancing partners to read each other, communicate with each other and play off each other. In really good tango the dancers aren’t just performing synchronized calisthenics. They’re connected on an emotional level, and they express their shared emotional experience through the movements of their bodies. That’s how good sex happens. So if you want my advice on how to transition from kissing a girl’s lips to putting your head between her legs, I would say, “Listen to the music, and dance your way there.“

Once you’re finally ready to go down on her, lay her on her back. There are lots of creative positions you can perform cunnilingus from, and they’re all worth exploring, but for a girl to have the best orgasm possible she needs to be able to relax and concentrate on nothing but you going down on her. She can’t be any more relaxed than when she’s laying flat on her back with a pillow behind her head and one under her butt. I don’t know why, but elevating women’s hips seems to help them achieve orgasm. So laying her flat on her back with her hips propped up is a reliable go-to position.

Step 3: Stimulate the Labia

When you finally get your head between her legs you have 1-2 minutes to be creative and do whatever you want. Don’t worry about technique right now. You can kiss, caress and lick anywhere in and around the pussy however you want. There’s no wrong way to do this. You just need to be sensual and physically express your passion. This is emotionally satisfying for her, and it stimulates blood flow to her sex organs, which will prime them to achieve orgasm. You only want to do this for a minute or two though, because random, chaotic movements, no matter how sensual they are, aren’t likely to give a girl an orgasm.

After you’ve given the groin area a sweet meet and greet you’re ready to get a little more scientific with your technique. Start from the outside of the vagina and work your way inward beginning with the labia majora. Lick your thumbs and her labia majora until it’s completely wet. Here’s why you’re worried about moistening both your thumbs and the labia majora. Next time you’re in the bathroom, rub your thumb on the mirror. Notice how rough that is? Now lick your thumb and rub it on the mirror. Notice how much smoother that is? Now lick your thumb and the mirror, and rub your thumb on the mirror where you licked it. Notice how that feels even smoother? That’s what the girl is feeling between her legs. Also, jam a cactus between your legs sometime. That’s what a girl feels when you go down on her with a five-o’clock shadow.

Once you’ve got the labia majora wet, massage it and the surrounding area lightly with your thumbs. Do small, fluid circles or slide your thumbs up and down the length of the lips for 10-30 seconds eventually working your way to rubbing the inner lips (the labia minora) without penetrating the vagina. Slower movements are usually better than faster movements.

There are two reasons why you’re massaging on and around the labia. First of all, the girl probably isn’t wet enough inside for you to stick your finger in her vagina, and you’re going to need to stick a finger or two inside her eventually. Even if your fingers are covered in enough lube to make up for her being dry, you should still let her get wet on her own, because getting wet is her body’s way of saying she’s ready for penetration. Massaging the labia will help her vagina moisten and relax.

The other reason it’s important to massage her labia is because when her vagina gets attention inside and out she’ll have a stronger orgasm. Think of a blowjob. Just having your dick sucked is great by itself, but if the girl massages you’re balls in the process, then so much the better. Massaging her labia is sort of equivalent to massaging your balls. You don’t want to focus all your attention there, but she’s missing out if it’s ignored completely.

Step 4: Stimulate the Clitoris

After spending 1-3 minutes doing your meet and greet and massaging the labia majora and minora you’re ready to proceed to Step 4. At the beginning of this step, you’re actually going to be licking the clit at the same time as you’re massaging the labia.

If you don’t know where the clit is, stick one finger inside the girl’s vagina. Now trace that finger straight up pulling your finger out of the vagina. Keep moving your finger straight upwards along her skin in the direction of the belly button. About a quarter of an inch above the opening of the vagina your finger should snag on a little hood-shaped piece of skin. When that happens the tip of your finger should be pointing directly at the clit under the hood. The clit should feel like a small bump. If you can’t find it on your own it’s better to ask for directions than to never get there, because if you can’t get there then she won’t get to cum. I can’t stress this enough, the clit is the whole point of going down on a girl, and until you get there you’re missing the point.

When you get there, don’t try to be creative. I’ve read in several men’s magazines that a great way to make a girl cum is to spell out the alphabet with your tongue on the clit. I’m convinced they tell you this to make sure you remain sexually inept so you have to keep buying men’s magazines for advice. The alphabet thing doesn’t work because it’s not rhythmic.

Women need constant rhythm to orgasm just like men. When you get a blowjob or a hand job, you don’t want the girl to be stroking you chaotically and licking you all over the place randomly the whole time. You want her to give you rhythmic strokes that get progressively faster without ever getting too fast, and once she gets to a good pace you don’t want her to change anything, because when you’re right on the verge of cumming and all of a sudden the girl starts doing something different you’ll be laying there screaming in your head, “Damn, you were almost there! I was obviously enjoying that. So why did you stop doing that?!” The same thing happens to girls.

You don’t have to worry about her getting bored with what you’re doing. She won’t. Pretty much all she needs you to do is go up and down with your tongue like the Karate Kid painting a fence or like turning a light switch on and off with your tongue. If you cut the tendon on the bottom of your tongue on your bottom row of teeth then you’re going way too crazy with your tongue.

Licking side to side with your tongue may feel good to her, but your tongue will get tired faster than licking up and down. So that technique is better suited for the meet and greet phase than getting down to business.

The only other technique that most girls like is having you suck their clit sort of like you’re giving a blowjob to a tiny penis. You can suck it up and down or suck it between your lips and then, while you have it trapped there, lick it with your tongue like a tiny lollipop. You can really get a good grip on a clit that way, especially if/when they harden, which happens to some girls the closer they are to cumming.

Whatever you do, start off lightly and slowly. The clit tends to be sensitive at first. Plus, women need to settle into the experience of being gone down on and get their thoughts straight. Think about this: If a girl grabbed your flaccid penis and started stroking it as hard and as fast as she could you would not be happy about that (most of the time). But if a girl did a strip tease for you, then kissed your body up and down before giving you a slow, sensual blowjob that gradually sped up to fucking-speed….then you would have a memorable orgasm. Girls’ minds and bodies work the same way.

Step 5: Fingering

So you’ve been licking the clit and massaging the labia for a minute or two. In this time you’ve increased the speed of your licking a little. If you’re lucky, the girl will give you a sign that it’s time to step it up a notch: moaning, heaving, wetness, hardened nipples or the clit hardening and growing minutely taller. You won’t always get a clear sign though. A day will come when you’ll just have to guess.

You could always ask, but it might kill the mood. Then again, if you’re completely lost, you’re already killing the mood. If you do have to ask, don’t ask apologetically and insecurely. Ask confidently or playfully. You can ask her forcefully if that’s the tune you’ve been dancing to. Just find a way to work it into your dance.

After massaging the labia and licking the clit for a minute or two, stop massaging the labia. Then take the hand that you write with and lick the fingers you’re going to stick into the vagina. You want to use the hand you write with, because you have more control of that hand, and it’ll take longer to get tired. Don’t lube your fingers up with lube, because that would keep you away from the clit too long, and that will give the girl time to cool down, which neither of you want. Get your fingers as wet as possible as quickly as possible, and then insert one or two fingers into the vagina with your palm facing up.

You want this to be comfortable for the girl. So don’t try to cram as many fingers in as possible. You might even want to start with one and work your way up to two or three after her vagina loosens up, but only use three fingers if they fit easily. If you’re unsure how many fingers you should use, then only use one. You might think one finger is too little because it doesn’t fill her up, but you don’t need to fill her up. You need to rub the roof of the vagina without hurting her.

Once you start fingering the vagina with your writing-hand, then your non-writing-hand is just going to get in your way if you try to keep stimulating the labia with it. You can use that hand to lift the girl’s ass to help you reach her clit or play with her breasts or caress her wherever. Do whatever you want. Just know that if you do too much with that hand you run the risk of distracting her from what your tongue is doing.

Before your finger penetrates the vagina, you should tease her opening. Stick the tip in and out playfully. Then stick your finger in up to your knuckle a few times. Then slide your finger all the way in. Feel free to do this for a whole minute. Teasing the vagina by penetrating it in stages helps the girl’s mind and body acclimate to being penetrated. So instead of being shocked by having a foreign object unceremoniously crammed inside her, she’ll yearn for your finger to go deeper and deeper into her personal space. The emotional comfort and delayed gratification will give her a better orgasm. If you do this too long, it will dry out her vagina and start to chafe.

Once you get your finger/s all the way in you can give her vagina an internal meet and greet by caressing her tunnel however you think will convey your passion for her… for a minute at most. After the initial internal meet and greet, don’t bother rubbing the bottom or the sides of the vagina. Don’t bother making circles to touch all 360 degrees of the tunnel unless the girl is really tight and you need to loosen the vagina up for sex afterward. Don’t worry about reaching the very back of the vagina. There’s not a pot of gold back there. The trick isn’t to go deep. The trick is to be sensual and to cover the length of the G-spot.

Don’t get stressed out about finding its exact location; it’s not a point like the clit. It should really be called “the G area,” and that area is the roof of the vagina just past the opening. If your fingertips feel ridges on the roof of the vagina then you’re probably there, but every girl feels different. The G-spot is unlikely to be deeper than one inch past the opening. Sometimes it can be immediately past the opening on the inner lip of the pubic bone.

Here’s a reliable way to hit the G-spot. Insert your finger all the way in her vagina with your palm facing up. Then slide your finger all the way out while pressing your finger against the roof. When you do that it will be impossible to miss the G-spot.

Another way to find the G-spot is to stick your index finger just inside the vagina and press upwards, then hold your finger there while you lick her clit. She may rock her hips until your finger hits the right spot. Even if she couldn’t tell you where her G-spot is, she’ll know when you hit the spot that feels good. Then you’ll know exactly where her pleasure spot is. If she doesn’t wiggle into position, then you won’t learn anything or accomplish anything by motionlessly holding your finger against the roof of her vagina. So you may want to try this technique for a few seconds and abandon it if it doesn’t yield any results.

Don’t finger-bang the vagina unless you know she likes it rough or she keeps gyrating her hips to simulate being finger banged. If she does, then oblige her, but beware that finger banging too soon can wear our your arm muscles very quickly. You don’t want to get her worked up and then have to stop using your hands altogether. That will be disappointing to her and set back her progress towards orgasm.

Here’s another reason you should be wary of finger-banging. Think about getting a hand job. There’s a point where the girl can stroke you so fast that you don’t feel anything and/or the friction numbs your cock. The same thing can happen to a girl.

When in doubt, don’t finger bang. Just keep sticking your finger all the way in and pulling it all the way out (while pressing against the roof of the vagina) or give the roof a rhythmic, sensual massage like you’re massaging a flower. You can change things up a little by sliding your fingers to the left and right like a snake slithering. You can also just massage the roof in circles like massaging your temples when you have a headache. The wildest you should possibly get is twisting your wrist back and forth so that your fingers make a corkscrew motion.

You can do combinations of these techniques, but don’t keep switching it up. If you do one method, do it for a while. If you change, stick with that for a while. Give her time to get into what you’re doing. And make sure that whatever you’re doing you do it fluidly. Herky-jerky motions won’t get you anywhere. If she’s responding well to what you’re doing then don’t change.

Once you’ve got all this going on just keep doing it. You’ll want to slowly increase the speed of your licking. You’ll also want to increase the speed of your fingers… but not by much.

At the beginning of this step it was okay to give the clit long, full strokes with your tongue, but as you get closer to orgasm you need to speed up your licks and press against the clit harder with your tongue. Licking the clit too fast is like getting a hand job that’s too fast. It may be too fast for her to really feel. Pressing harder is almost always better than licking faster. Whatever speed you choose, keep your licks rhythmic. It helps to keep your breathing rhythmic.

https://youtu.be/vrqYhFfEStk

Step 6: The Orgasm

There are several ways you can tell a girl is about to orgasm. Her clit may become very hard. The inside of her vagina might expand noticeably. She might grab your head and start screaming, or her body might tense up and spasm violently.

There are a few different ways you can finish a girl off that produce different kinds of orgasms. Use the one that seems most appropriate for the mood.

The first method is the easiest and is a good choice for beginners. As soon as your girl experiences the first shaking blast of her orgasm, keep licking her clit, but do it a little slower and lighter. The reason for doing that is because when a girl orgasms, her clit becomes too sensitive to touch. If you keep mashing on it with your tongue, it will feel painful. However, if you lighten up your touch, you can keep stimulating it a little longer, which will give the girl a longer (and possibly multiple) orgasms.

The second method gives a girl a short and powerful orgasm, but it’s risky. As soon as she experiences the first shaking blast of her orgasm, start licking her clit at full speed using the tip of your tongue. With the fingers you have inside her, press a little harder against the roof, and speed up a little, but keep all of your motions rhythmic.

When she finally orgasms, keep licking at full speed, and finger bang her. Keep doing this until she pushes your head away from her. This is tricky, because of how sensitive the clit becomes after an orgasm, just like how the head of the penis becomes very sensitive after a man orgasms. So if you stay on the clit too long and hard you can hurt a woman, but if you let off too early you ruin the best part of the orgasm.

Regardless of which method you use, the clit will eventually become too sensitive to stimulate. However, you may still be able to apply static pressure on her clit pressing the back of your tongue or the palm of your hand on it and holding it there with firm pressure. If she moves her hips then let her, but don’t do anything yourself. After 5-30 seconds she’ll have gotten all she can out of her orgasm and will relax. Then you can move away.

Also be aware that during moments when her clit is too sensitive to touch, the inside of her vagina won’t be, and being penetrated during/after an orgasm can be extremely pleasurable for most women. So after she cums and you stop licking, consider leaving your finger/s inside her and give her heaving, sweeping motions against her walls with your fingers for a few more seconds. Sometimes she may want to be finger banged after her orgasm.

After you pull your face away from her vagina, pull your body up next to her and embrace her in your arms. This post-orgasmic afterglow heightens the experience for most women. It lets her know this wasn’t a purely physical experience for you, and therefore it allows the orgasm to be physical and emotional.

This is no small matter. If a girl had to choose between a night of a guy making her glow emotionally and a guy making her glow physically, she’d probably choose the emotionally satisfying evening. To girls, the emotional connection made during sex or foreplay is often the main reason to have sex or engage in foreplay. So I reiterate, if you’re going to go through all this trouble to please her physically, then go to the same lengths to make the experience as emotionally pleasing.

While you’re laying next to her you can stick one of your legs in between hers so that your thigh presses up against her clit. Don’t rub your thigh up and down her clit, because her clit will still be sensitive. Don’t worry about how strategically your thigh is placed in her crotch. Just press it up there. By applying pressure with your thigh you’ll continue to keep her sexual excitement from fading away the same way you did with your tongue. She’ll love the fact that you’re helping her hold onto her orgasm. Plus, it’ll show her that you really do know what you’re doing.

Instead of pressing your thigh against her clit you could also mount her in a missionary position and press the base of your cock against her clit, but don’t penetrate the vagina. Just press and hold it against the clit. If she gyrates her hips to rub her clit against the base of your cock then let her, but be hesitant to rub back unless she’s rubbing you so hard it’s obvious that her clit is no longer too sensitive for friction.

A note to men who don’t want to go down on girls:

What I’m about to say is just my opinion. You don’t have to agree with me, but it’s worth contemplating.

It’s perfectly understandable how a guy could be a little grossed out by a woman’s vagina and hesitant to put their mouth on it. There are a lot of different kinds of secretions down there. However, they’re really no worse than what a woman is going to have in her mouth when she gives a blowjob. And really, when you have sex you’re both wallowing in bodily fluids and gasses. Being bashful about bodily fluids is just kidding yourself and holding both of you back from enjoying the fullness of sexual intimacy. None of those juices are going to hurt you. After having sex enough times you’re going to realize that and throw your inhibitions out the window eventually. So you may as well go ahead and take the plunge.

Going down on a girl is about more than just swapping bodily fluids and eliciting a chemical reaction in each other’s pleasure organs. Look at it from the girl’s point of view. Her vagina is her most private, most sacred part of her body. Very few people in all of eternity will ever get to see or touch it. So getting to go down on her is a privilege that you should be honored to experience. So don’t view going down on a girl as an icky challenge. View the opportunity as a sincere and flattering compliment.

That’s reason enough to be willing to go down on a girl, but you should be eager to go down on a girl because it’s one of the most intimate ways you can show her how much you care about her. If your girl is important to you, then her pleasure and her emotions should be important to you. Going down on her is a chance for you to express your passion for her in a way that she’ll feel all the way down to the center of her core. Frankly, if she’s not important enough to you for you to get over your oral sex anxiety, then she deserves better than you.

A note to women who don’t want men to go down on them:

Ladies, I’m not trying to lecture you on how you should view or share your body. I just want to share some thoughts with you from the male perspective. I know a lot of you feel bashful about letting men see or touch your naked body let alone allowing them to put their mouth on your vagina.

It’s natural to have insecurities, and you know better than men what goes on between your legs. You might be ashamed of your own vagina, and you might not believe that a man would actually want to put their tongue on or in it. As I mentioned before, yes, there are some men who feel that way, but they’re mostly sexually inexperienced men who will grow out of it or they’ve been brainwashed by religion to fear and loathe sexuality. In that case, the problem isn’t you. The problem is that they’ve been duped into believing in mythology that reflects the values of primitive tribesmen and not reality.

In reality, your body is a treasure. Your vagina is a treasure, and any man who gets to go down on you is the luckiest man in the world. Mature men recognize that, and mature lovers truly, truly want to show you how much joy you bring into their life by channeling that joy through your clitoris until it fills up your pleasure core to the point of exploding and shaking all of your limbs with a full body orgasm. There are very few joys in this world equal to the satisfaction it brings a man when he gives the woman he cares about an orgasm. So on behalf of every mature lover out there, I beg you. Don’t let your insecurities come between us. Let us return the joy you give us. Let us connect with you on that most intimate of levels. Let us go down on you.

Other technical pointers:

1: Always wash your hands before fingering a girl, especially if you give her a massage and have lotion all over your hands. Dirty hands can be painful and cause infections.

2: Trying to fit both your hands and your face between a girl’s legs comfortably can be difficult. If you just absolutely don’t have enough room to maneuver and are so uncomfortable that you’re getting frustrated, you can have her rest her ass on a pillow, which will give you more room. You can also move your head a little closer to her belly button. You might be surprised how far up her abdomen you can put your head and still be able to lick her clit.

3: If a girl ever stops you while you’re going down on her and says something like, “You got me so hot. I can’t wait any longer. Put it in me now!” Sometimes she means exactly what she says, but sometimes that’s just a nice way of saying, “You’re not going down on me correctly, and I’m not going to cum. So let’s go ahead and skip to the sex.” This could lead you to believe that what you’re doing is working great, when it’s really not, which is why it’s so important to communicate outside of the bedroom.

4: If your tongue or jaw hurts when you’re done it just means you’re not going down on her enough. The way you build up your muscle strength is by performing more cunnilingus.

5: If you’re going down on a chubby girl, your nose may press against her stomach and make it difficult to breathe. In that case, tilt your head to the side so that one of your ears is resting on her flesh. You’ll be licking her clit from a sort of sideways angle. You won’t have as much control over the clit as you would facing it directly, but at least you’ll have at least one nostril open to breathe with. You could breathe through your mouth, but that will dry out your tongue.

6: If a girl likes having her nipples played with outside of cunnilingus, she’ll probably like having they played with during cunnilingus. For other girls, playing with her nipples distracts from what’s going on between her legs. Think about when you’re getting a blowjob. Sure, it’s nice if the girl shows you she’s getting into it by grabbing your ass and caressing your stomach a little, but those hands could be better used by fondling your balls or stroking the shaft of your cock. So if you’re going to caress her or grab her body away from her sexual organs, you may want to do it just long enough to get the point across that you’re excited by what you’re doing and then get back to stimulating her where it counts most.

7: If your girl is sexually liberated enough you can substitute a vibrator for putting your fingers inside her. If you do that, make sure you get a small vibrator, because a big one will get in the way of your chin. Also, work it inside her as gently and as rhythmically as you would with your fingers. Making it vibrate too hard or thrusting it inside her too fast or forcefully will draw her attention away from what you’re doing to her clit, and that’s bad.

8: If you’ve watched a lot of porn you’ve probably seen what I call, “the porn pat.” That’s when you slap the clit. Don’t do that. That’s bad. And don’t be like Jay from “Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back” and rub the bridge of your nose on the clit. That doesn’t do anything.

9: You can stick your tongue inside the vagina and move it in and out like you’re fucking it with your tongue, but you’re not going to bring a woman to orgasm like that. This technique is okay to do during the meet and greet stage for a few seconds to a minute. The longer your tongue is inside her, the longer your tongue isn’t on her clit.

10: Most women won’t want you to go down on them after they’ve been running around all day and sweating because their vagina will smell and taste sharp. Even if you’re really into that, she’ll likely be self-conscious about it, and that anxiety will lock up her body and prevent her from having as good of an orgasm as possible, if at all. Don’t tell her that her vagina isn’t fresh. Instead, passionately suggest taking a shower together before going down on her.

If you enjoyed this post, you’ll also like these:

Sex positions and techniques
General Sex Advice
Dating Advice
Relationship Advice
Philosophy of Sexuality
Friendship
My Tweets About Romance

29 Comments   |  tags: , , , , , , , , | posted in Sex Positions and Techniques