Drugs are illegal because they damage your health, inhibit your ability to function in society and lower your potential in the long run while increasing the likelihood that you’ll commit crime. That pretty much sums it up, right? Well, if those are solid reasons to make drugs illegal, then why stop with just criminalizing drugs?
Let’s make it illegal to drop out of school. Uneducated people lack higher-level social skills, are less useful to society and are more likely to commit crime. A lack of education is every bit as dangerous as drug use. In fact, if we’re truly concerned with the individual’s welfare, we would make it mandatory to stay in school through the completion of a bachelor’s degree or at least a trade certificate.
While we’re at it, we should make it illegal to eat fast food and junk food. McDonald’s food will literally cripple and kill you faster than marijuana, and in the meantime, it’ll give you health problems that will rack up extremely expensive medical bills. That’s every bit as tragic as a worst case scenario heroin junky. Obviously, you should go to jail for eating fast food.
Next, we obviously need to make alcohol and cigarettes illegal. They’re drugs. Cigarette packs even say right on the front, “This is poison.” Legal poison hurts you in every way that illegal poisons do. It’s cut and dry hypocrisy to make one poison legal to consume and another illegal. By the precedent we’ve already set, you should go to jail for smoking cigarettes and drinking alcohol.
We also need to make wage slavery illegal. Poor people have poor health, low potential and are more likely to commit crimes. If instead of letting CEOs become obscenely rich off the blood and sweat of slaves, we force CEOs to pay their workers a fair share of their company’s profits, then people won’t be so poor. Then they’ll be able to afford better food. They’ll be able to save and invest more, and they won’t have to resort to criminal activity for money. So it should be illegal to pay workers minimum wage.
Next, we should make religion illegal. Religion hinders logical thought, which puts a solid cap on people’s potential. It also forces barbarically archaic moral standards onto people that conflict with their natural instincts. As a result, it causes undue stress on individuals, which has proven to push people to dangerous ends. Religion flies planes into buildings and gets homosexuals lynched. Bibles are worse for your health than marijuana and should be correspondingly illegal.
Handguns and automatic weapons are the next big item. They kill people….and that’s all they do. Not everyone who has a gun is going to kill somebody, but not every crack head is going to steal to support their drug habit. Since there will be a few worst case scenarios, we should hunt down everyone who has a gun and send them to prison for years where they’ll almost certainly be beaten and raped. Plus, we should blacklist them when they get out so they’ll never get a good paying job again. That will certainly solve the gun problem without causing any other problems.
Let’s add television to the list as well. Television is by and large a waste of time. You get fat and stupid by watching too much TV. This is bad for your health and lowers your potential. Using the same precedent set by drug laws, television should be illegal, and people who watch television should be hunted and caged.
What else? Sports. Sex. Aging. Pets. Unkempt houses. Working too much. Asshole bosses. Driving. Hell, we may as well just lock everyone up. We’re all doing something that could hurt us if we take it too far. And since prison doesn’t have any adverse effects on health, happiness or potential, then once everyone is locked up in prison then everyone will be healthy, happy and able to fulfill their highest potential both for themselves as well as society.
…or maybe some other judicial reform is needed.
If you enjoyed this post, you’ll also like these:
- Americans, you’re not represented in the 2012 presidential election
- 10 things Obama won’t change in his second term
- Why Obamacare made me facepalm
- This Was Your Life: Barack Obama (Comic)
- Occupy LOL Street: The Wizard of LULZ (Comic)
The 2016 Presidential Election
- What I think of Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, and Bernie Sanders
- Why it’s delusional to vote in America’s 2016 presidential election
- Everything wrong with America’s 2016 presidential primaries
- This Was Your Life: Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump: Part 1 (Comic)
- This Was Your Life: Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump: Part 2 (Comic)
- This Was Your Life: Bernie Sanders (Comic)
- This Was Your Life: The Trump Supporter (Comic)
- How to survive the Trumpocalypse
- Why did Americans vote for Trump?
- What will Trump do now that he’s president
- Why I’m glad Trump won
- How Trump changed my understanding of American politics
- 4 reasons Americans shouldn’t accept Trump as president
- Why won’t people just give Trump a chance?
- What should non-Americans do about Trump?
- What should Republicans and Democrats do about Trump?
- What should racists do about Trump?
- What should xenophobes do about Trump?
- What should rich people do about Trump?
- What should minorities do about Trump?
- Voting never has, and never will, save America
- If you want everyone to vote, then make voting work for everyone
- How presidential elections work (Comic)
- How congressional elections work (Comic)
- How political representation works (Comic)
Corruption and Election Reform
- How to end corruption in three steps
- 6 ways to improve the political nomination system
- 10 solutions to most of America’s problems
- 3 solutions that won’t change America, and 5 that will
- Occupy LOL Street: The Constitutional Convention (Comic)
- Occupy LOL Street: Adventures In Lobbying (Comic)
- Occupy LOL Street: The People’s Party (Comic)
- The 28th amendment
- My theory on gun control
- My theory on illegal immigration
- My theory on age-based accountability laws
- 5 reasons why prostitution should be legal
- 5 reasons to legalize gambling
- 8 reasons to legalize marijuana you’ve already heard
- 4 illogical arguments against polygamy
- The American burqa
- Borders are inhumane
- How freedom works (Comic)
- How equality works (Comic)
- How gender equality works (Comic)
- How the war on drugs works (Comic)
- The Ents: A Story About Marijuana Prohibition (Comic)
- This Was Your Life: The Trafic Cop (Comic)
My Tweets About Politics
- #17: The 2016 U.S. presidential election
- #18: Donald Trump’s presidency
- #19: Political corruption, incompetence, and voting
- #20: Political and economic freedom
- #21: Immigration, racism, and guns
- #22: Public education
- #23: Political reform
- #24: Police, prisons, and unjust laws
- #25: War, military, and troops
- #26: Social justice warriors
Feel free to leave a comment.