(Comic) How Congressional Elections Work

(Comic) How Congressional Elections Work

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A man is standing in front of the White House talking to an elephant and a donkey.
I’m going to run for Congress or maybe even president…but I don’t even know where to begin.
We can help!
What exactly can you do for me?
We’ll take care of all the registration paperwork and red tape. We’ll give you brand recognition
and manage your campaign.
But most importantly- we’ll connect you with investors.
Wait. What does a politician need investors for?
He didn’t say “investors.” He said, “Donors.”
Of course, your donors will expect you to represent their interests once you’re in office.
I’m going to represent my voters’ interest once I’m in office.

Exactly! You just have to appreciate that your donors are voting with their dollars.
And each dollar equals one vote.
So what if these financial voters want me to do something that’s not in the public voter’s interest?
Well, I mean, you have to ask yourself who helped you win all those public votes.
Also, consider that your financial voters can vote you out with their money next election if they
need to.
I don’t know. IT just kind of seems like a conflict of interest. It almost seems like bribery…or
even extortion.
You new guys are so cute. It’s not bribery or any of that. IT’s called playing ball.
And everyone who plays is a winner.
So I guess I’ll need to present my platform to these donor-investor-voters so they can decide
whether they want to vote for me or my opponent.
…No. Your platform is to win. The less you stand for the fewer faults anyone can find in you.
See, this is why we write all your speeches for you. So you don’t make mistakes like that.

Anyway, the big donors vote on every candidate just to make sure their interests are represented
no matter who wins.
That’s some unethical bullshit right there. I’m running against you as an independent.
Well, it was nice knowing you.
I hope you enjoyed your time in politics.


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