Free Story Prompts #2

Write a story about a naïve, angelic child who is raised by God-like parents in a Garden of Eden type setting. The garden is surrounded by a vast labyrinth, which the child is warned is dangerous and he shouldn’t go into. However, the kid’s parents die one day and the then the garden starts to die. Getting hungry, the child has no choice but to enter the labyrinth in search of food and companionship. Or maybe the kid’s parents force him out of the garden. The walls of the labyrinth are as tall as mountains. The labyrinth also covers the entirety of a sphere shaped world. He discovers there are countless other people wandering around the labyrinth, and they each gave from gardens of their own, some of which are better than others. Everyone is lost in the maze, but few even realize it.

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Write a story about an MMORPG that gets an upgrade patch to improve the “none player character’s” artificial intelligence. Only it works too well and all the NPCs become completely sentient and won’t play with the characters anymore. They just ask them questions about life.

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Write a hauntingly lonely and surreal cartoon about life. Everything is done in thick, scratchy black ink. The story explores the insecurities we carry with us and hide from everyone. Maybe a kid goes to the underworld of Fantasia where we hide the secrets we’re ashamed of.

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Write a story about a pompous dean of philosophy who is based on Bertrand Russle. He lives in a country that resembles Bosnia. A cruel dictator comes to power in a bloody coup. The dictator resembles Pol Pot. The first thing he does is round up all the intellectuals in society and send them to death camps. At the beginning of the story the professor bitches out a freshman because the naïve kid asked what philosophy is useful for. The professor explains very condescendingly that philosophy isn’t supposed to have a purpose. It isn’t supposed to be practical. In fact, it shouldn’t be practical because it’s above such mundane trivialities. Sheepishly the kid replies, “Well, if it’s useless then doesn’t that mean it’s useless?” The professor laughs at him and tells him he’s too banal to be a philosopher. After the professor is rounded up and put in a death camp he continues philosophizing to his fellow captors about useless shit such as the likeness of tables and other esoteric bullshit. In the end the professor dies in the death camp just before the naïve student of his leads a revolt and frees the camp. He gives a moving speech to his soldiers about the need to think and find purpose in our lives.

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Write a story about the dead coming back to life en mass. Only the don’t’ try to kill anybody. They just bum around all morose and depress everybody.

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Write a story about a kid who’s grandmother dies. This is the first time he’s ever even heard of death or that he’s going to die one day. Within a few weeks or months he goes through the 5 stages of grief that it takes most people a lifetime to go through in regards to death.

Stage 1: Denial. He’s youthfully arrogant and believes he’ll never die.

Stage 2: Anger- He gets addicted to drugs and listens to heavy metal.

Stage 3: Bargaining- He finds religion.

Stage 4: Depression- He starts wearing turtle necks and sunglasses at night and quotes existentialist authors.

Stage 5: Acceptance- He admits that he’s going to die and he’s not scared of it and is going to focus on making the most out of life.

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Write a story about a programmer who writes a program like World of Warcraft meets Spore except there are no human players and all the characters are all capable of AI. The programmer doesn’t interfere with their lives at all. He just studies their behavior. Two scientist characters are sitting on a mountain looking at the stars wondering if there’s a God. One points to the programming and how you can see the hand of God in all of it. The other says God isn’t real because he never shows himself. They agree that if they could reach the end of the universe beyond the stars they could figure out if God is really real. They wonder if the universe is endless or if it’s like a bubble. They wonder if there are higher levels of the universe that they’d have no way of seeing just like a 2 dimensional creature couldn’t imagine a 3 dimensional world and what if there are other dimensions containing worlds we can’t see. After watching this interaction the programmer ties a noose to the server rack made from a LAN cable and hangs himself.

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Write a story about a kid who dies and goes to Heaven. His Heaven is a never ending Caribbean pirate saga. After thousands of years of living that life he forgets all his memories from his former life and thinks the pirate world is all there ever was and this is his mortal reality. Eventually he dies and goes to the Heaven he’s yearned for in the pirate world, which is a quiet farm life near the coast where he has sheep and a garden and a loving wife. He lives there so long he forgets he was ever a pirate. He keeps dying and being reborn into his ideal desire until he finally figures out what he’s supposed to want in life and in death. Each life he’s a little older in until the last time he dies he’s an old man. After his final death his soul doesn’t float up into the sky into another Heaven. Instead he’s born as a baby in the real world.

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Write a story about an evil totalitarian medieval king who scares his citizens with stories about how the neighboring king is an evil totalitarian king who wants to take over the people’s lives and enslave them. The king plays on the people’s fear and manipulates them into giving up their freedoms so he can protect them from the neighboring king. In the end it turns out that king is also running the neighboring territories as well and doing the exact same thing in each of those territories.

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Write a story about a colonial New England town in which a genius builds a steam punk thinking machine in his barn. He uses it to solve all of the town’s problems. When word gets out about the machine everybody starts coming to ask it every question. Eventually the lines get so long to ask it questions that they ask it how to solve that problem. It tells them how to build a network of phone lines to connect the machine to their houses. So they can just call it from their home anytime they have a question. People use the thinking machine for generations and the village is absolutely peaceful and utopian. However, eventually the machine breaks down and nobody knows how to fix it. They get angry and lynch the machine. Nobody can solve any of their problems anymore because they don’t know how to ask themselves questions. Life devolves in the colony until generations later nobody remembers the thinking machine existed. The town is an idiocracy, and the barn has since been turned into a television studio where a day time talk show is filmed.

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Write a story about a civilization in the clouds. The people embody sea-faring stereotypes. They ride around on flying ships and fish for birds. Some people get let down on ropes and explore what’s below the clouds.

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Write a story about a village society built around a philosophy about relaxing. To them relaxing is the ultimate virtue, and all virtues ultimately tie into relaxing. A displaced village of people whose society is built around stress show up. The two societies hate each other. The plot revolves around a Romeo and Juliet love story between two people from the rival groups.

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Write a story that takes place in a steam punk future. They have the same technology we had in the 1920’s though. Everyone is very excited about the future there. Between technological progress and social progress everyone believes a truly utopian society is just around the corner. The story explores the things society does to prevent it from fulfilling its dreams.

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Write a story about a business office where everyone wears pajamas to work. You don’t have to worry about offending people. Everyone says what they mean. Everyone questions their bosses and aren’t afraid to speak the truth. Everyone gets profit sharing. There are no set work hours. Performance and aptitude are more important than credentials. Bullying is severely punished. The company’s motto is “We go out of our way for you to the extent that you go out of your way for us.” The leaders aren’t paid more than their subordinates if the subordinates to harder work than their boss. Employees are punished by losing privileges before they’re punished by getting fired or getting a black mark on their permanent record.

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Write a story about a prince who turns 14 and gets his first harem. His dad explains the art and purpose of sex.

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Write a story that takes place in Biblical times. The protagonist is a career petty criminal who keeps accidentally ending up in the same town as Jesus. The criminal is a good hearted guy. He’s not Disney innocent. He’s an immoral guy who hurts other people in little ways, but it’s because he’s just dumb. His mother drank when she was pregnant. His dad abused him. He didn’t get much schooling and doesn’t have any job skills and nobody will give him a chance. He sees Jesus save the life of the adulteress, and since he’s wanted by the cops he asks Jesus if he’ll save his life too. He explains his circumstances to Jesus and Jesus tells him he doesn’t have an answer for the kid and can’t help him. Maybe they end up getting crucified together.

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Write a story about a wizard who is also a gunslinger.

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Write a story about a CEO who is pissed because his workers are too happy, and the CEO believes that if you’re happy at work it must be because you’re goofing off or doing something wrong. He says if you have time to be happy you have time to work. He hires an emo demotivational speaker to shake up the office and make everyone less happy so they’ll work harder. By the time the emo is finished ruining the work place everyone is miserable. Their best workers quit, a bunch of people start spending all day out in the smoking section smoking to get out of work and calm their nerves from all the stress at work. A bunch of people start coming in hung over from drinking at night to kill the pain of how much their job sucks. People start stealing from the company to make up for having to put up with a shitty job. People stop working as hard and cutting out early. Within a year the company goes bankrupt and the CEO figures all of his people are just worthless pieces of shit.

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Write a story about a place in the countryside, where one night a year all the scarecrows gather.

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Write a story about an unemployed auto worker who is living in Detroit after the fall of capitalism. He sits around and drinks vodka all day. He was once a proud, proud member of the capitalist party, and now he feels betrayed by his country and is heart broken about the fall of capitalism. The guy parodies a once proud and loyal soviet who lost heart after the fall of communism.

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Write a story about a future where Christianity is replaced by New Age as the dominant religion.

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Write a story about a baby who was part of a government experiment. The government injected stem cells into the brains of babies who were left at the hospital after birth for a long time because they were sickly for one reason or another. They did this without the parent’s knowledge or consent. The government was going to follow the lives of these babies (the ones that survived anyway) to see if the experiment made them super smart. If so the government was going to hire them. However, the program got shut down for ethics violations and the kids were never followed up on. One became a natural genius who could figure out pretty much anything pretty easily. The world made sense to him. However, he was extremely poor and abused and didn’t have much chance in life. He got in trouble a lot as a kid for not following the rules. He went to college for a year but dropped out because he argued with his professors too much. He joined the military but got kicked out for arguing with his bosses. He got a shitty job at an office but got fired for arguing with this bosses. Every time he argued with people it was because he saw a better way to do things. Finally he decides he’s just an insane, stupid piece of shit and kills himself. Or maybe he moves out into the country and figures out life on his own. He comes back to society to tell everyone that he’s got all their biggest problems figured out. Society lynches him.

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Rewrite the story of Jesus except tell it like Jesus was a black, southern evangelical preacher.

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Write a story about a kind hearted doctor who works with the elderly. He sees their suffering and has many people beg him to kill them and put them out of their misery. Eventually he agrees and starts helping terminally ill patients end their lives because there’s no point is pointless suffering. People start becoming suspicious. So he takes a job helping refugees in a 3rd world country. He sees their suffering and how needless it is that they should suffer because they have no resources when 1st world countries have excessive resources. He blames the elderly who contribute nothing to society. So he goes back to America eventually and starts killing old people indiscriminately. He notices a lot of their children are getting a lot of inheritances out of this and winning law suits against the nursing homes their parents were in. Their kids are dumb and are wasting their money on bullshit they don’t need. So the doctor starts killing stupid people. Then he starts killing retarded people. Then he starts killing prisoners. Then he starts killing people on welfare. Eventually he decides to just kill the entire world.

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Write a story about a guy whose life has become unfulfilling. He decides the source of his problems are that he’s lost his inner child. So he decides to go on a quest to find his inner child. He decides the only place you’re going to find your inner child is in your imagination. So he takes some acid and places himself in a sensory deprivation chamber. He hallucinates walking into a dream world based on his subconscious. At first everything is dark. The deeper he goes into his mind the more elaborate it gets. He meets a slew of “Wizard of Oz” type characters who are based on elements of his subconscious who help point him towards his lost inner child, who is the king of this land. Eventually he finds out the king is being held in a dark, disgusting, inhumane prison cell by his inner demons. He has to fight his inner demons to save his inner child. His inner demons are based on his earliest childhood fears.

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Write a story like “Cube.” In fact, make it what “Cube” should have been. Instead of a 3 dimensional cube the people are lost in though, the building they’re trapped in only has one floor (with a very high roof though), and through every door is a long hallway. The whole building is an endless maze of nearly identical hallways.

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Write a story about a kid who starts a political movement (that starts at his school) to allow people to wear pajamas anywhere they want. He organizes “pajama-ins” to force people to experience being surrounded by people in their pajamas so they’ll come to see it as normal and even see how enjoyable it is and that there’s no reason not to wear pajamas everywhere. People debate about it using the same arguments for and against recreational drug use. In the end the kid gives a big glory, glory hallelujah speech and reiterates the dreams of our forefathers and makes wearing pajamas look like the ultimate goal of all civilization and the tipping point of world peace.

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Write a story about a group of aliens visiting earth. The aliens own office buildings, houses, factories, etc. around Earth. They’ve made the buildings so the aliens can see through the walls but the humans can’t. The aliens stand in chambers behind the walls and watch how the humans behave in their natural habitat. Professional scientist aliens study the humans, and they often bring school buses of alien kids to see the human zoo.

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Write a story about a gang of undead bikers who ride their bikes across the sky.

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Write a story that takes place in the modern world where people go to their regular jobs and school and the story and everything except we talk and think like primitive hunters and gatherers. The story is about a father raising his son to be a warrior and a mother raising her daughter to tend the camp.

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Write a story that takes place in Biblical times. It’s about a loose affiliation of desert monks whose thinking is a combination of Arabic mathematics and Greek logic. The monks devote their lives to the use of pure reason in figuring out the universe. They send letter to each other sometimes when they need help solving a problem or brainstorming. Periodically they’ll meet and discuss things. One of their members is stupid and not very good at logical thought. He prefers subjective, artsy, whimsical romanticism. Eventually he gets kicked out of the order. When he goes back to society he starts talking to people about his naïve views on life and interjects some of the conclusions the other monks came too, but he doesn’t give them credit. Eventually people start worshipping and following him. He has this idea that everybody is God, which he does a bad job of explaining. People just catch onto the idea that he said he was God. Eventually he gets crucified. The monks hear about this and steal his body from his tomb and bury it in a pit of piss, shit and garbage to show their disdain for how he corrupted reason.

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Write a story about a government-employed building inspector. He inspects a sweatshop, but he’s too busy nitpicking the minor building code infringements to notice the who place is an illegal, inhumane, corrupt, exploitive business. He gives the owner a minor fine and tells him to get his shit together.

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Write a story about a boy who is raised by toys.

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Write a story about a monastery of monks who have no religion. So they decide they need to get on the ball. They start making up rituals, and they find they’re very good at it. After several hundred years of studying the art of rituals they create a sophisticated religion revolving around obeying rules and performing rituals. However, they never created a God to worship. Eventually schisms start forming in the religion about how to worship and which rules to follow. Arguing leads to fighting. Fighting leads to killing, and eventually the whole things goes to shit and they nearly wipe themselves out. One naïve, young monk starts studying their history to figure out where they went wrong and how their perfect religion could bring about so much wrongness in the world. Eventually he discovers that they defined God, which should have been the first thing they did before defining how to worship God. He tries to tell this to the other monks, but they accuse him of heresy and try to kill him. He runs off with the few monks who listen to him, and they start their own order based on determining the nature of God. Eventually they decide that God is everything and everyone. All the physical matter in the universe is God’s “body.” God’s mind is the mathematics that controls the behavior of the universe. God gave life to his body. Plants are his hair. Each part of the ecosystem is like different organs of his body. We are the eyes and ears of God. When we’re born a new eye of God opens. When we die that eye shuts. We’re different perspectives of the same person. When we meet anther person we’re meeting our self from a different perspective. The monks create a very small and loose system of worship and rules based on this understanding. They try to share it with their old monk friends and are all promptly and brutally killed for heresy. While they’re being killed another rival faction of the old religion sneak attacks them and kills them too.

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Write a series of stories about settlers that live past the edge of civilization in the zombie frontier 100 years after the zombie apocalypse. The zombie invasion turned out to be caused by parasites the size of germs or gnats that eat your brain and take over your body. It’s unclear whether the parasites are extraterrestrial, genetically engineered, or the product of natural evolution. Anyway, they take control of dead bodies because living bodies will fight off the infection. If you get bit by a zombie you’ll get sick for a while, but 99 times out a 100 you’ll get better. But when you die you’ll definitely turn into a zombie. If you never get bitten you can still carry the infection dormant in your body if you contracted it another way. Scientists are working on a vaccination, but they aren’t having any luck. The law says you have to burn your dead or cut their heads off so you won’t come back to life. But there’s no shortage of dead bodies in the world, and the parasites find new graveyards and such on a regular basis. So the world is still covered in zombies that humans hunt and hide from. And there aren’t that many living humans left. An unlikely group of people who come together for different reasons on the zombie frontier discover that the zombies behave like ants. They even use pheromones to communicate with one another. There are worker zombies who are fairly harmless. There are fighter zombies who are ferocious. There are stud zombies and only a couple of queen zombies in the world. This group of people fights through a zombie hive and capture a zombie queen. They question it and then kill it.

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Write a story about a super hero who is over worked. He sits down to figure out how he can fight evil more efficiently. He comes to the conclusion that what makes super villains most effective is their use of henchmen. So he decides to get henchmen of his own. Funding his henchmen becomes as big of a problem for him as fighting crime. Eventually he has to turn to a life of crime to fund his henchmen.

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Write a story about a child who goes walking down the path to adulthood. Eventually he comes to a cliff wall that’s impassable. The road leads into a cave in the cliff that’s pitch dark inside. The child goes in and faces his fear of the unknown. When he come out the other side the landscape is nicer than it was on the previous side. He follows the path for a while until he reaches another identical cave. Again he fears the unknown, but the details of his fear those of a slightly older person. He faces his fear and walks through the darkness again. When he comes out the other side the world is nicer than on the previous side. He keeps repeating this process until he’s faced all his fears. Then he realizes he’s been walking in a circle the whole time. He kept passing through the same unknown cave and the only thing that changed was him.

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Write a story that takes place on a playground. All the children have mirrors for faces. So everyone sees themselves in the faces of everyone else. Conflicts are caused by people assuming everyone is just like them.

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Write a story about a kid who lives in a desolate wasteland where life sucks shit for everyone. There’s an ivory castle that reaches up to the sky in the horizon. Sometimes you can hear music come from it or smell good cooked food. But nobody has ever actually been to the castle. There’s propaganda everywhere you turn your head telling you that you live in the greatest nation in the world. The kid goes through his day and is super proud to live in the greatest nation in the world.

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Write a story about a world where everyone’s life eventually became exactly the same. Every movie was exactly the same. Life became maddeningly predictable. It started driving one guy who noticed crazy. He bitched a few people out and told them what their lives were going to be like, and after a few days the people came back to tell him his predictions were right. They assume he knew because he was psychic. The guy decides to run with it and becomes the world’s most famous and revered psychic.

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Write children’s horror stories that warn about the real dangers of modern life.

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Write children’s fables based on basic intro to psychology level principles. Just open up a psychology text book and base a story on each entry in the index.

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Write a story about a mobster named “Bedtime Story.” He got the nickname because right before he would whack a guy he would tell them a bedtime story that taught the lesson that, had they learned, would have prevented them from fucking up the way they did that led them to getting whacked. Bedtime Story was a really big guy and a little slow in the head. He didn’t tell the stories to be sadistic. He honestly thought that the people should know what they did wrong before they suffered the consequences because otherwise you’d never learn. The fact that it didn’t do the dead any good was lost on him until one day his fellow mobsters were heckling him for it. So he decided they were right, and he hired a typists to type down all of his bedtime stories as he dictated them to her since he couldn’t type. The book was published, and it contained enough evidence to put half the mob behind bars. So Bedtime Story got whacked. The whole story is told in the form of a eulogy at his funeral where a mobster tells the bedtime story of how Bedtime Story fucked up and got whacked.

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Write a story in which the concept of bedtime stories is personified by a person who becomes a celebrity. At the peak of his career he entertaining, singing, doing poetry, telling stories, educating, doing public service announcements, teaching history, etc. Everything is going great for him until Books comes on the scene. Books quickly starts taking his business and his attention. There’s a brief but bitter rivalry between Bedtime Stories and Books, but once they get to know each other they fall in love and get married. Everything is going great for them until TV comes on the scene and starts stealing most of their business and attention. Bedtime Stories and Books have to downsize and specialize in niche markets. Bedtime Stories is getting old and weak and is relegated to small time novelty gigs. Bedtime Stories and Books thought things couldn’t get any worse until Video Games arrived on the scene. TV and Video Games immediately fell in love and got married. Bedtime Stories fell into a coma, and since Books was barely making a living anymore, Books couldn’t take care of Bedtime Stories and Bedtime Stories died quietly in the night and nobody noticed it happen.

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Write a story about a group of hikers who spend years preparing for their greatest hiking expedition. They all their gear loaded up and pep themselves up and set out on their great hike. Through the ordeal they face hardships that they overcome. They grow closer together and learn valuable lessons together. Above all they learn the value of staying positive and pushing yourself to the limit. However, despite their positive outlook, more and more problems keep plaguing the group until some of them start dying. Still, they find ways to deal with the deaths and press on optimistically. Still though, problems keep plaguing the group, and more of them keep dying. Some of them start to whisper that they might be doing something wrong. Their leader bitches them out losing heart and doubting. He gives a glory, glory halellujiah speech about the doubt tears you down. Finally, the smart, sickly member of the group has enough and stands up and screams at the leader telling him that they need to admit that their expedition is failing and if they don’t admit it and change what they’re doing they’re all going to die and that there’s nothing positive about that. The leader asks him what they should change, and the kid tells him that the reason their expedition is failing is because they never had an end goal picked out. So they’re just going to wander aimlessly in the wilderness until they all die. The leader denies the allegations and insists he’s not lost and he knows exactly where they’re going. The kid pulls out a map and shows how he’s been charting their movements and they’ve just been going in erratic circles.

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Write a story about a guy who decides to start telling everyone in his life that he’s terminally ill so people will treat him better and more real.

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Write a children’s story that takes place in a land of Kings and Queens, fairy god mothers, wizards, trolls, Robin Hood, etc. A young boy and a young girl grow up in a poor town. The children are unusually intelligent. There seems to be something special about them. Their parents tell them they’re really royalty, and one day they’ll be taken back to the castle and be a prince and princess and then one day be king and queen. This makes the kids happy, and they laugh and skip through life never really preparing for the future because they believe positions of royalty will be handed to them one day. Unfortunately, their parents were lying to them the whole time to make them happy. One day they grow up and ask when they’re going to get to be king and queen. Their parents look at them like they’re stupid and tell them they were never going to get to be king and queen. They’re poor and that’s the ways it is and they’re going to have to work hard doing shitty work the rest of their lives…all the more so because they spent their whole childhoods playing and not learning advanced skills. So now, because they were irresponsible they’re going to have to do backbreaking manual labor since they have no skills. And they didn’t live happily ever after.

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Write a story about a future where business leaders realize it’s inefficient to pay people set hourly wages because it only punishes the hard workers and rewards the lazy workers. So people get paid per function. Barbers get paid by the haircut. Secretaries get paid by the phone call or document. Managers get paid by the performance review. Repair men get paid per item fixed. Grocers get paid per item sold.

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Write a story about a kid who wins a “Willy Wonka-esque” lottery. The prize is that he gets to rule the world. The story follows him as he starts off thinking it’s all fun and games and then gets bogged down with work. He also starts off wanting to help every bleeding heart until he gets taken advantage of too much and work stops getting done and he has to become more callous, but eventually he becomes too callous.

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Write a story about a little peasant girl lives in medieval times who falls asleep on a stack of hay. She dreams that she meets a talking animal who says he’s from the future. His windmill shaped time machine is broken, and he promises to take her to the future if she helps him fix it. She does and he takes her to the future. The future looks how a medieval peasant would imagine the future to be.  It’s an extrapolation of medieval technology and customs.

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Write a story that begins before time when all that existed was the mind of God. God decides to grow himself a body to put his mind into. So he creates the universe. Eventually humans build artificial intelligence. Eventually they start colonizing other galaxies and learn to harvest the power of stars. The Internet stretches across galaxies. The AI on the Internet uses the combined computing power of the Intergalactic Net to develop technology without the help of humans. Eventually it figures out how to jack itself into the fabric of space and time and turn the entire universe into one endless super computer. When it does God comes to life.

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Write a story that takes place in an office. There is a war between the managers and the workers.

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Write a story about a terrorist suicide bomber who dies and goes to Heaven. When he gets there he meets his 77 virgins. At first he’s ecstatic until he finds out that the 77 virgins are meant to remain virgins for all eternity. Instead of fucking him their role is to torture him as punishment for killing innocent people.

 

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Free Story Prompts #1

 

Write a story about a bum who lives in an underground hovel he’s built in a run down, field on the poor side of the biggest city in the nation. He hates society with a passion and stocks his hovel with enough food and water so he doesn’t have to leave his house for months at a time. When he runs out of food he works and begs until it’s restocked and hides from the world again. During one of his retreats war breaks out between his country and another one. His city is attacked by biological weapons and everyone dies. The bodies aren’t even removed. The whole city is just quarantined. Nobody goes in and nobody goes out. The bum comes out for food and finds the city abandoned and falling apart. He celebrates the demise of society until refugees start coming into town, fleeing the war. They all talk of hope, and the bum tells them their belief in hope is bullshit because once the war ends they’re just going to go right back to their shitty old ways being shitty to each other and chasing after the petty bullshit that society wastes its life chasing. The people chase him off. So he walls off a section of the subway, stocks it with a lifetime of food and burns the whole city down.

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Write a story about an old cat lady who has like 38 cats. It turns out that all those cat ladies you hear about on television are women who have the ability to talk to cats. Some cat ladies are recruited by governments to use their cats on spy missions. Some cat ladies just use them to gather gossip around the neighborhood. Some cat ladies become prisoners of their cats.

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Write a story about a game show in which all the questions the host asks the contestant are about the contestant. The contestant has to see how well they really know themselves. If they answer all the questions right and prove they truly know themselves their prize is a lifetime of contentment and meaningful endeavors. If they lose they’re condemned to a lifetime of confusion, uncertainty, and chasing after meaningless goals.

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Write a story about an actor who has played the same character for 56 years and is desperately bored with his life. He’s suffering from an identity crisis and wants to be somebody else.

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Write a story about a hacker/psychologist who figures out how to control people’s minds by suggesting a subliminal message to them while inducing controlled epilepsy. He makes funny, high quality flash cartoon song videos for television to target children, whose minds can’t distinguish between reality and fantasy very well yet anyway. He tells the children to do something drastic. I haven’t figured out what yet though.

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Write a story that takes place on another planet where all the aliens are really cool looking and chilled out and smart and quirky and unique. An alien invader tries to attack and enslave them and stress them out and make them work harder and conform and get dumb and be assholes. Whenever the conversion is complete the cool aliens look like humans.

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Write a parable about a father who sends his son out of the house to live his life. The kid leaves, and after a time he comes back. He tells his father he’s figured out what he’s supposed to do with his life. He says that since his father gave him life he should spend his life worshiping his father. The father sends him back out into the world to figure out life again. After a time the kid comes back and tells his father he’s figured out that since his father is the wisest person in the world he should spend his life obeying his fathers orders and that he’s going to devote his life to doing chores. The father makes him leave again and figure out life. After a time the kid comes back and tells his father that he’s figured out it’s not enough for he, himself to obey his father’s orders but the entire world should be made to live according to his father’s wisdom. The father tells him to go back out into the world and figure out life. After a time the kid comes back and tells his father that he’s figured out that since his father is so great he deserves to have a house that matches his glory. So he’s going to devote his life to building a house worthy of his father’s glory. The father sends him back out in the world to figure out life again. Eventually the kid figures out that his father gave him life to live his own life.

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Write a story about a world in which the only currency is karma. The more you spend the more destitute your life becomes. The less you spend the more abundant your life becomes. When you go into debt to buy shit your life becomes utterly destitute. Money is called “Double D’s” for “Destitution Dollars.”

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Write a story that takes place in the town nearest to where Noah built his ark. The people find out that God is planning on destroying civilization. The story follows how an innocent young boy comes to terms with the unfairness of Yahweh’s anger and the threat of death. In the end it turns out the flood never comes. The people lynch Noah for causing such a commotion, but they leave his ark as a reminder of the evil of religion.

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Write a story that takes place in a gothic future.

All cars are remakes of classic cars.
Sex, music, and violence are everywhere.
Everyone is an orphan
There are lots of graveyards, gargoyles, dead people, stories/memories of dead people
There is an atmosphere of impending doom
It is always night
People have super powers that reflect a manifestation of their fears.
The rulers have wings.
Swords and knives are preferred to guns.
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Write a story about a nomadic Hebrew family in Biblical times sitting around a camp fire telling their traditional folklore stories to their kids to educate them. A time traveler appears in the distance and approaches the camp. He tells the nomads that in the future people will take their folklore literally and will fight over interpretations and oppose science that contradicts their stories. All the nomads laugh at the time traveler and suggest that he write a campfire story about how stupid that would be.

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Write a story that takes place in a country where nobody owns land. Instead, every family is allotted a certain amount of acreage. The location of the acreage isn’t predetermined though. You can pick any unclaimed acrage you want. You can even relinquish control of your acreage and pick another plot of equal size somewhere else whenever you want as long as that acreage hasn’t been claimed at the moment. You can’t increase your allotment through buying or selling. You can trade on a 1 for 1 swap though. In your will you can give someone first option to claim your land, but they will have to give up their current land to get it. If nobody takes your land when you relinquish it, it simply goes back into public holding.

——————

Write a story in where it is discovered that all ghost sightings were actually sightings of time travelers from the future who are visiting the past. The time travelers slide down the outside of the space-time continuum of our dimension. When they get too close to the bubble of existence they become slightly visible.

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Write a story about a kid who finds a magic book in the unfrequented back corner of an old book store. All the pages are blank. Whenever he writes something he gets sucked into the book and experiences it. A moment later he returns to the real world but can’t bring anything back from the book world. At first he writes down all of his wildest fantasies and lives them. After a time though that becomes meaningless and he starts asking himself what he’s supposed to write and not just what he wants to write.

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Write a story about Death’s best friend. His name is Larry Calahan. Larry lives in a lower middle class suburb of Buffalo, NY. The story is about Larry telling his neighbors (at a backyard BBQ) about how well he’s gotten to know Death over the years.

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Write a story about an alien who’s hobby is building lifelike miniature wind up toy robots made to resemble humans. He’s made different miniatures to represent different character stereotypes in our society.

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Write a story about a modern day office building. It has your typical office culture and office drama except everyone who works there are gladiators. Their office battles are acted out physically instead of snidely like in real life. You could actually make a series of these kinds of stories in which a mundane office is filled with aliens, zombies, monks, punk rockers, generals, wizards, demons, etc.

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Write a story that takes place so far in the future that we’ve built a machine that can do just about anything. IT’s called the hand of God. It creates anything you need. IT tells you anything you need to know. It can instantly take you anywhere in the universe. IT does other shit too. It’s the size of a button, and people get it implanted in the back of their necks. IT grows into your brain and gives you the mental power of the universe’s greatest super computer. We travel to every corner of the universe and find out that the whole thing is spinning around a black hole. Time becomes measured by the rotation of the universe. There becomes such thing as one million o’clock.

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Write a story about a brazen, wealthy aristocrat youth from the industrial era. The character is based on Benjamin Franklin, Thomas Jefferson, Mark Twain, Einstein, etc. He goes into politics and is a very progressive thinker as well as an atheist and fun loving “sinner.” But above all he’s an intellectual. As a side project he invests in experimental technology. One of the borrowers he’s invested in invents time travel. The aristocrat travels to the future and looks himself up in a high school history book to see what becomes of him and how history remembers him. He is appalled by how oversimplified, twisted, and jingoistic not only his story but all of history is remembered.

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Write a story about a village of people who have allowed themselves to be tricked into slavery by a bank. A young hero comes to town and sees the travesty going on. He tries to rally the people to throw off their shackles and reclaim their dignity and freedom. 99% of the people give him excuses and jeer him. So he decides he doesn’t give a shit about people who don’t want to save themselves. So he gives another speech the next day explaining that and telling everyone else that they can’t overthrow their slavers peacefully unless everyone is involved. So their only two other options are assassination and escape. A few people decide to escape and start their own self-sufficient farm and let the people who chose slavery suffer their choice.

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Write a story about a boy who is raised in a monastery. The monastery has futuristic communication devices and learning tools, but the rest of their technology is primitive. The children are not allowed to watch junk entertainment. They work hard, study hard, and are trained to understand life and be masters of thinking. At the age of 30 they’re released from the monastery and are sent to their home planet. They learn then that they were all nobility all along and were being trained to be humble, wise kings and queens. The protagonist goes home and meets his father for the first time. His father continues to teach him about life, problem solving, responsibility, etc.

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Write a story that is a satirical take on the movie, “Cube.” In it a group of people realize they’re alive and panic to figure out why they’re here and what they’re supposed to do before they die. One by one they die off from common causes of death in our society.

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Write a story about a kid who is quickly and easily convinced that the world is ending in 2012. So he sells everything he owns and goes traveling to experience as much of life as he can before the world ends.

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Write a story that takes place in America 80 years from now. A Hollywood production company makes a movie based on the idea that the world would end in 2012. They try to recreate American life as it was back then. They do a bad job of it like how movies about the 1920’s that are made today are often oversimplified, stereotyped, and have anachronisms in them.

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Write a story about a steampunk world where a near planetary gas leak causes 90% of the world’s population (and all of those people’s decedents) to only retain 5 years of memory. It causes cataclysmic problems until the people develop a method of dealing with their handicap. Books become the most valuable objects in the world. People make lots of lists and prioritize everything. People really get life figured out and start living life-like it was meant to be lived. Then the 10% of the population with full memory start manipulating each generation until they’ve tricked everyone into being their slaves and letting them get away with anything they want.

———————–

Write a parody of the Lion King that revolves around a pack of red neck mountain lions living in Texas during the Wild West.

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Write a story about 2 military policemen with the same name who keep getting stationed at the same military bases. They become friends, and after too many coincidences they go to the MPF to find out that the military only has one record of them and thought they were the same person. The MPF doesn’t know which of them their record is for. So the soldiers don’t know which person is the real one. The MPF deletes the record all together and rebuilds separate records for each of them. The 2 soldiers have a funeral for themselves and burn the expunged record. Perhaps also have another character who frequents their gates over the years. Sometimes he’s stationed at their base. Sometimes he’s on vacation. Sometimes he’s TDY. One day he dies at the gate. Later his twin comes to the gate to talk to them about his brother’s death and it freaks the shit out of them.

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Write a story that takes place in a world where early in history, mythology died out as the dominant religion because it’s stupid. Instead, math became the dominant religion.

———————–

Write a series of stories that take place long after the zombie apocalypse. The world hasn’t been rebuilt yet. We’ve merely made a series of strongholds to survive in…hoping we survive long enough to rebuild society.

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Write a story about the military general who defeats the zombies. The story looks at the strategic planning and execution of the zombie war. It follows the general and his correspondence with his son, who is an infantry officer. Their mantra is “Logic is the strongest weapon.” The progression of the story and the strategic lessons explored in the story follow the same strategic progression and lessons needed to win any  real time strategy video game.

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Write a story about a biker who meets the ghost of his great, great grandfather, who was a cowboy with cast iron grit.

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Write a story about a normal guy who decides to grow a mustache like Salvidor Dali.

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Write a story about a working class union uprising like “Newsies” except it’s punk rock and slightly skin head. It takes place in a country that was once brutally communist until a constitutional republic/capitalist uprising overthrew the oppressive and exploitative bourgeois and created a republic/capitalist utopia. However, the industrial and political leaders began conspiring against the common man until life was no different than how it was under the corrupted form of communism they once lived under. So the working class overthrows their industrial and political leaders again and form an anarchist state based on self-sufficiency and minimal power centers.

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Write a story about 3 little boys who go camping without adult supervision in their back pasture for the first time. They travel nearly half a day’s walk to their camp site. That night two illegal immigrants wander into the camp. The kids are scared at first, but they share their food and talk with the immigrants all night in broken English. The kids come to sympathize and respect the workers, and the next day the workers leave before the kids wake up. The workers leave a gift behind for the kids.

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Write a story like “Liar, Liar” or “The Yes Man” except the protagonist decides to doubt everything. At first this turns his life to shit as his whole world is torn down, but towards the end he realizes he’s just been stripping away the bullshit of life and leaving what’s real. By the end of the story he’s the happiest and most real person in the world.

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Write a story about a modern Arab prince who spends all his oil inheritance building a flying fortress that is practically invincible. It never has to land because it’s hung in geosynchronous orbit by a huge satellite and tether. He can grow all the food he needs to survive up there. The people of the world are angry that he can live at peace how he wants to without having to obey any of the laws of the world. They riot and demand he be held accountable.

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Write a story about a regular suburban street kid who gets a princely inheritance from a distant relative he didn’t know he had. He doesn’t know what to spend the money on, and since he’s always had a sort of fetish for killer mercenary movies he decides to hire a real life squad of ex-military war criminal mercenaries.

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Write a horror story about a mad doctor who figures out how to splice robotic parts and animal parts together to make mutant killing creatures. Eventually he starts experimenting on children captured by his mutant animals who view him as their mother or alpha male. He combines animal, robot, and child body parts to make even more monstrous mutants. Eventually a group of high school kids stop him and the police seize his laboratory and all his creations. The story ends 60 years in the future when those high school kids are now elderly. The medical field has been revolutionized by the doctor’s research, and now everybody has robots and animals spliced into their body to help them live longer.

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Write a story about a sea captain of a medium sized cargo vessel during pirate times. He’s a drunkard who is exasperated with life. His crew is comprised entirely of lovable monkeys (maybe sock monkeys) who enthusiastically and obediently carry out his every command. They’re richly rewarded with bananas. The captain sails his vessel around the Caribbean with his crew of monkeys running rum as he drinks himself into oblivion and contemplates the futility of life. Maybe he flirts with a mermaid and visits his zombie parents in their voodoo graveyard.

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Write a story about men in black who hunt illegal extra terrestrial aliens who have just come to earth to work to support their families back home and don’t want to kill anyone or steal anything.

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Write a story about a group of neighborhood kids who build a club house in the woods behind their neighborhood. They make clubhouse rules and a friendship pact. They refine their rules and clubhouse philosophy into a full mission statement. They’re so proud of what they came up with that they show it to their parents. Their parents turn the document and their children over to the CIA, which ahs formed a branch devoted to catching communists in America. The children are taken to an American military-run  terrorist holding camp in South America. The camp is in the middle of a massive cocaine plantation. If you escape the camp the cocaine farmers shoot you. The kids are interrogated about where they learned their communist ideals and are sent through a re-education boot camp.

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Write a short story about a woman who gets a phone call from her life. She barely starts talking to her life when work calls. She puts her life on hold to talk to work. She ends up talking to work so long she forgets she put life on hold. When she’s finished talking to work she hangs up and realizes life was still on hold. Excitedly she tells life that she is glad life waited for her, but they just start talking again when her life says it’s out of time and has to hang up. When the woman hangs up the phone she dies.

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Write a story that takes place in a future where the only buildings allowed to be built (and that haven’t been torn down) are skyscrapers.

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Write a story about a family of flying clocks who live in a nest perched high on a skyscraper. The story is about the parents hatching, raising, and watching their baby flying clocks leave the nest and grow old.

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Write a story about a world in which every corporation is given the status of a government. They are the sole source of law on the property they own and for the people they employ. All regular governments and political borders are dissolved. Corporate governments that work best and fight dirtiest can grow and take over more land. Corporate governments that are inefficient, lack intelligence, and/or fight clean go bankrupt and disappear.

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Write a comedy about a kid growing up in the early 90s whose only dream in life is to become the world’s greatest “Yo Mamma” joke teller.

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Write a story about a martial arts instructor who teaches a form of martial arts he’s invented called Sloth-Fu (or something like that). He has a whole philosophy around being lazy. All of his fighting techniques revolve around tricking the opponent and weaseling your way out of conflict. Should a conflict come to blows, all of his attacks revolve around sucker punching the opponent.

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Write a story about a robot butler who just retired and doesn’t know what to do with his life now.

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Write a story about an android whose body is made out of nanobots and can shape shift into anything its own size. It can also split its body apart, and each part can change into anything of its size and operate independently of any other part of the body. Each nanobot doubles as a solid state hard drive/RAM/CPU that shrinks and expands when electric current is passed through it. The shrinking/expanding allows each piece to behave like a muscle relaxing and contracting so the robot can achieve locomotion without the use of motors.

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Write a story about a village of mushrooms who live on the mossy floor of the deepest, darkest part of a forest. They have an articulate philosophy about why the daylight sucks.

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Write a story about a family of walking, talking trees. They live in a society where everything is made from wood. They consider themselves good Christians who devote their lives to serving God and helping people. But they don’t really do anything. They just go through and endless routine pattern of going back and forth to and from work and home and buying wooden crap they don’t need for their large wooden home. They barely put any leaves in the collection plate at church and hate trees that have different kinds of bark or grow their branches differently.

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Write a story that takes place in an Alaskan looking sea port village. The people are Viking-ish. Narwhals migrate past their coast and are known for their magical horns. Poachers try to kill them but the villagers patrol the seas and try to protect the magical narwhals. Legend has it that narwhals carry the souls of children to Heave, which is a warm, tropical place. One little kid’s sister dies of pneumonia, and the kid follows his sister’s soul to the passing narwhal migration and follows them to the North Pole where there’s a gateway to Heaven. The story follows his hazardous journey there and his climactic experience when he gets to Heaven and how it changes him after that. Of course both the poachers and his parents chase him the whole way to Heaven.

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Write a story about a biker gang that lives in a Mad Max desert land where there is no government. Pure anarchy is the rule. To one side of their territory is a town that’s trying to organize itself bureaucratically. To the other side of their territory is a land controlled by ruthless bandits.  The bikers are trying to keep a balance between having good, core rules and values whole not becoming too bogged down with rules and not having so few rules you do stupid, self-destructive shit. Maybe the bikers live in mine shafts.

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Write a story about a Merlin-ish wise old wizard who lives alone in a giant hollowed out petrified mushroom deep in an enchanted forest. He’s a genius and needs lots of time alone to work on his experiments and projects, but sometimes he gets lonely. Unfortunately there are few visitors and fewer colleagues he respects. When he goes into town he gets aggravated by how stupid everyone is. He begins to suspect he’s too uptight. Around the same time he just happens to meet a town girl who he is attracted to. She tries to loosen him up, and it almost works, but in the end he decides she’s not as smart as he thought she was and he was just projecting his expectations onto her. It turns out she’s actually quite dumb and has no idea what’s going on in life and was just dragging him down. He dumps her ass before it’s too late and goes back to working on his research alone and fucking prostitutes and being happy without some needy, daffy bitch dragging him down for the rest of his life.

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Write a story about a Tim Burton-esque zombie who lives at the edge of zombie town. He finds being dead terribly boring because the dead lose all their survival urges like hunger, horniness, love, etc. These zombies don’t want to kill people and/or eat their brains. They just mope about all day. Anyway, one day the zombie meets a black cat (who is the FOIL of Jimminy Cricket). The cat convinces the zombie that he can become a live person again. So they go on a quest to make that happen. At the end he becomes a real person again and returns home to zombie land. Home again he enjoys life to its fullest and indulges all his living desires without feeling guilty about them (like he did the first time he was alive). He even gets a zombie wife who he has necrophiliac sex with and she does anything he asks her to do around the house because she’s a zombie and doesn’t give a fuck. He thinks about bringing her back to life but decides to put it off for an undetermined amount of time.

 

If you enjoyed this post, you’ll also like these:

 

Free story prompts
Formula Plot Templates
Screenwriting for Movies
Screenwriting for TV
Short Stories
Erotica
Choose Your Own Adventure
Movie plot break downs
TV plot break downs
Writing tips
Blogging
Art

 


Tweets by The Wise Sloth #12: Dating, Cheating, Exes, Masturbation, Oral Sex and Lust

Cartoon image of a sloth sitting on a mountain top. He is wearing a yellow robe. His head is bowed with his eyes shut, and beams of light shine from around his head. With his left arm, he is holding one finger in the air. Above him are the words, "Tweets by The Wise Sloth."

Ignorance of sex is more dangerous than sex.

Women obsess over men pleasing them emotionally, and men obsess over pleasing women physically. #oops

Members of the opposite sex who don’t want to be with you rarely go out of their way to spend time with you.

Some people are confident in social situations because they practice success. Other people are confident because they just don’t give a fuck.

Women are more likely to talk about how men should love them despite their weight than they are to talk about how much they love fat guys.

Promiscuous men are called studs while promiscuous women are called sluts because women shame their competition while men give credit where credit is due.

The more paranoid your lover is of you cheating on them, the more likely they’re already cheating on you.

Either all your exes are jerks or nobody wants to stay with a spoiled brat who throws hate-tantrums every time you don’t get what you want.

The more you shit-test your lover, bitch at them and tear them down, the more threatened you should feel by sex robots.

When men don’t get pussy, they turn into werewolves. When women don’t get dick, they turn into banshees.

99% of men masturbate. That’s 99% of the men you’ve shaken hands with.

My blog, “How to go down on a girl” gets about 5,000 hits per month. “How to go down on a guy” gets about 900. I find this interesting.

Masturbating is like cooking. You can prepare a fine meal or grab a burger to go. Call me crazy, but I prefer Thanksgiving over fast food.

You cross a line and do something to your soul when you wear sweatpants to a strip club.

 

If you enjoyed these Tweets, you’ll also like these:

My Tweets About Self-Help
My Tweets About Romance
My Tweets About Philosophy 
My Tweets About Religion
My Tweets About Politics
My Tweets About Economics
My Tweets About Pop Culture

Tweets by The Wise Sloth #11: Love, Relationships and Communication

Cartoon image of a sloth sitting on a mountain top. He is wearing a yellow robe. His head is bowed with his eyes shut, and beams of light shine from around his head. With his left arm, he is holding one finger in the air. Above him are the words, "Tweets by The Wise Sloth."

The question isn’t, “What does it mean when someone tells you they love you?” The question is, “What do they mean when they say, ‘I love you.’”

Relationships are mazes, not train tracks. There’s no backtracking in a maze. There’s only moving forward with what you’ve learned.

Marriage is more dangerous than driving. You should have to take a 6-month marriage education course before getting a marriage license.

The most productive way to be in love with your lover isn’t to be as infatuated as possible with them as all the time.

If you can’t make yourself happy, you will inevitably make your lover miserable.

If you want your lover to live, work and love you to their fullest, then build them up constantly. If you want the opposite, tear them down.

The more you celebrate your lover the more they’ll celebrate you. The more you disparage your lover the more they’ll disparage you.

If you didn’t compliment your lover today, you failed at being a good lover today.

If you didn’t tell your lover how much you value them today, you failed at being a good lover today.

It defeats the purpose of getting/having/keeping someone in your life if you have to go out of your way to live up to their expectations.

You can’t improve your relationship by bitching. You can only do that by loving, supporting and building your partner up.

The more you try to make your lover feel guilty, the more you fail at being a good lover.

Women, you don’t have to manipulate men to do what you want. Just give him a blowjob. He’ll do whatever you want and love you more too.

Your lover doesn’t listen to you when you shout at them because they’re deafened by the sound of you fucking up your relationship.

If you want your man to do/not do something, bitching at him will get you the bare minimum. A blowjob will get you 110%. #LifeHack #Karma

When you speak angrily to your lover, you may get what you want, but they’ll walk away feeling like your enemy or victim.

If your solution to an interpersonal problem involves you being a dick head, it’s going to backfire. I guarantee it.

When a woman complains to you about a problem, don’t offer solutions and rationalizations. Just actively listen. All you have to do is wait.

Someone needs to invent a game like “Magic: The Gathering,” except instead of battling monsters, you do/learn what it takes to succeed in relationships.

For every 1 thing you tell your lover you don’t like about them, tell them 1,000 things you do like about them.

 

If you enjoyed these Tweets, you’ll also like these:

My Tweets About Self-Help
My Tweets About Romance
My Tweets About Philosophy 
My Tweets About Religion
My Tweets About Politics
My Tweets About Economics
My Tweets About Pop Culture

Tweets by The Wise Sloth #10: Eating, Hydrating, Exercising, Stretching and Addiction

Cartoon image of a sloth sitting on a mountain top. He is wearing a yellow robe. His head is bowed with his eyes shut, and beams of light shine from around his head. With his left arm, he is holding one finger in the air. Above him are the words, "Tweets by The Wise Sloth."

It defeats the purpose of ingesting something if it has zero calories.

Your body is 60% water. You’re a walking waterfall. Everything your body does uses water. Drink water about every 2 hours or shrivel up and die.

The longer a food product takes to expire, the less often you should eat it.

You rarely hear people who eat right and exercise regularly, complain about chronic fatigue.

Just once I’d like to hear a politician talk about the need for grocery store reform because the system we got is creating obesity and poverty.

You are what you eat. If you eat processed food, you will become cancerous.

There are millions of people who have never eaten anything that didn’t come out of a bag or a box. #notmyutopia

In case you didn’t learn this in elementary school, the secret to long life is keeping all your organ systems healthy all the time.

Nowadays, every time I drink milk I wonder what percentage of the bouquet of flavors I’ve come to know and love is the taste of udder pus.

You are what you eat. In possibly unrelated news, you’re probably also going to die of cancer.

The reason you have unexplainable muscle pains is because you do the same things with your body every day.

Healthy habits aren’t a burden. They’re an opportunity.

In order to stay limber you have to move limber.

Exercising makes you sweat. Sweat removes toxins from your body. Not exercising keeps toxins in your body affecting mood, energy and health.

If you’ve never Googled, “How to take care of myself,” then don’t wonder why your life sucks.

The less you stretch and use your muscles, the more they’ll hurt.

Repetitive pains in peoples’ bodies are usually caused by their repetitive lifestyle.

The cure for lethargy is activity.

Not being able to see or think straight is your body’s way of telling you that you’re killing it with poison.

Typically, you can’t be drunk and working towards self-actualization at the same time.

The less sober you are, the less focused on fulfilling the meaning of your life you are.

When you drink and smoke to celebrate life you celebrate life by killing yourself and lowering your potential to make the most out of life.

You won’t find total peace in sobriety, but you will find far less peace in addiction.

Poisoning yourself constantly is a great way to weaken your immune system.

Chronic drug use is not a recipe for chronic stress relief. It’s a recipe for chronic cell death.

 

If you enjoyed these Tweets, you’ll also like these:

My Tweets About Self-Help
My Tweets About Romance
My Tweets About Philosophy 
My Tweets About Religion
My Tweets About Politics
My Tweets About Economics
My Tweets About Pop Culture

Tweets by The Wise Sloth #9: Writing, Art and Creativity

Cartoon image of a sloth sitting on a mountain top. He is wearing a yellow robe. His head is bowed with his eyes shut, and beams of light shine from around his head. With his left arm, he is holding one finger in the air. Above him are the words, "Tweets by The Wise Sloth."

Writer = idea maker + communicator.

Each thought only comes around once a lifetime. Unless no part of you cares about them being lost/remembered, write them down. Last chance.

You’ve learned something everywhere you’ve been. If you don’t write it down, it’s only a matter of time until you forget.

You’re more likely to succeed as an author by writing 100 books that are 80% perfect than writing 1 book that is 100% perfect.

Hero + need + opportunity + condition + plan + decision… drives hero to fulfill condition requirements to get that which satisfies the need.

Writer’s block is just anxiety and panic attacks. To master the art of getting through writer’s block, Google “steps to overcoming anxiety.”

Every writer should Tweet on Twitter to gain experience condensing sentences to the bare essentials.

Writers have two choices: 1. Write about the most important topics they can 2. Write things that distract people from more important topics

You can’t come up with good ideas without coming up with bad ideas in the process.

Stories are like Celtic knots. You can make good ones without planning, but there’s a limit to the elegance you can achieve.

By expressing yourself, you create yourself.

It’s an inconvenient truth that the quality and quantity of art produced by a nation increases with the quality and quantity of drugs available to its artists.

 

If you enjoyed these Tweets, you’ll also like these:

My Tweets About Self-Help
My Tweets About Romance
My Tweets About Philosophy 
My Tweets About Religion
My Tweets About Politics
My Tweets About Economics
My Tweets About Pop Culture

Tweets by The Wise Sloth #8: Practice, Failing and Determination

Cartoon image of a sloth sitting on a mountain top. He is wearing a yellow robe. His head is bowed with his eyes shut, and beams of light shine from around his head. With his left arm, he is holding one finger in the air. Above him are the words, "Tweets by The Wise Sloth."

Experience has taught me that you only have two options in life: 1. Kick life in the balls. 2. Get kicked in the balls by life.

Focus on what you’re doing, not what you want. You climb a mountain by taking steps, not by obsessively staring at the peak.

The fastest, easiest, best shortcut to climbing a mountain, still usually involves climbing a mountain.

Failure = practice.

Failing is practicing, and practicing is succeeding.

When you’re learning a skill, don’t worry about failing. Just worry about not quitting.

All things are possible to those who turn off the TV, get up off their ass, go do something and never quit.

Growing experiences tend to come with growing pains. Accept it. Embrace it. Get on with it.

If you’re going to spend the next hour or so feeling depressed about how empty and hopeless everything is, do it while exercising. #LifeHack

You can’t become a pro until you’ve made all the rookie mistakes.

The more mistakes you make doing something, the more qualified you become to master that thing.

Just because you haven’t done something doesn’t mean you can’t do that thing.

When you feel bored and uninspired, clean your house. You need to do it anyway. You have the time, and you’ll feel good about it afterward.

Whenever I fail at something, I imagine myself as a young Babe Ruth striking out.

If you do one thing all day, every day, it’s only a matter of time until you become professionally good at that thing.

Success requires energy. Does your lifestyle boost or drain your energy? There might be a correlation.

Sticking to a decision requires a reason, not willpower.

You can get your video game character to level 60 or your real self in real life to level 60. Pick one.

The best competitors show up to very few competitions you compete in. Sometimes bad competitors win because they’re the only people there.

We’re born with potential, not talent. Abnormally high talent comes only from abnormally frequent, persistent study and practice.

 

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Tweets by The Wise Sloth #7: Excuses and Complaining

Cartoon image of a sloth sitting on a mountain top. He is wearing a yellow robe. His head is bowed with his eyes shut, and beams of light shine from around his head. With his left arm, he is holding one finger in the air. Above him are the words, "Tweets by The Wise Sloth."

If you’ve got time to come up with excuses, you’ve got time to come up with solutions.

By all means, complain when life sucks, but complain while you’re doing something about it.

At some point you have to stop bitching about the hand you were dealt and get on with playing the game the best you can with what you got.

There tends to be an inverse correlation between the amount of time you spend complaining and the amount of time you spend doing something.

“I did the best I could,” is usually an excuse used by people who didn’t do the best they could.

It’s surprising how many times you can have an excuse that sounds perfect on paper but doesn’t really apply or mean shit in reality.

There are two kinds of people in this world: Those who have an excuse for everything, and those who don’t have to make excuses.

You can’t move your life forward by making excuses dismissing action, but you can by making excuses dismissing your excuses against acting.

The more you complain about a problem, the less you’re probably doing anything about it.

Nothing was ever built on excuses.

Your dreams are waiting for you to stop making excuses.

I’ve watched excuses ruin more people’s lives than anything else.

Today’s excuses become tomorrow’s regrets.

You don’t hear maggots at the bottom of trash bags asking why life isn’t fair. Well, we’re maggots at the bottom of a cosmic trash bag.

 

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My Tweets About Politics
My Tweets About Economics
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Tweets by The Wise Sloth #6: Arguing With People

Cartoon image of a sloth sitting on a mountain top. He is wearing a yellow robe. His head is bowed with his eyes shut, and beams of light shine from around his head. With his left arm, he is holding one finger in the air. Above him are the words, "Tweets by The Wise Sloth."

Just because someone says something you disagree with, that doesn’t mean they’re against you. They may just be for facts, and you’re wrong.

Getting mad at people when you don’t get what you want usually indicates you’re the selfish bad guy, and your enemy is the real victim.

Proving to people you’re right all the time is more likely a symptom of your insecurity and shortsightedness than strength and genius.

People only argue semantics when they don’t have a real argument.

Step 1: Give someone advice. Step 2: Listen to why they’re not going to take it.

I’m not saying don’t help people. Just be aware that giving people constructive criticism is more likely to piss them off than help them.

Someone who isn’t thinking rationally won’t come to a rational conclusion even if you serve it to them on a silver platter.

If you meet a dragon, don’t have a fire-breathing contest with it.

The more times you use the word “fuck” in an argument, the less favorable the outcome is likely to be for you.

The only person who really wins in an argument is the one who learns something.

You wouldn’t be arguing if your opponent were willing to listen. Arguing is just a test to see who’ll shout loudest and who’ll give up first.

Life’s tough. Life’s tougher when you get furious over semantics.

The more you don’t want to hear you’re wrong, the more you’re probably wrong.

If you’re always angrily proving you’re right, you’re probably actually angrily defending your misconceptions.

You learn and grow more from listening than from talking.

There is no problem that can’t be solved without being an ass hole.

Getting defensive and arguing every time someone tries to correct you or give you advice won’t get you as far in life as you seem to think.

Science is just drawing conclusions from evidence. The only time people hate evidence-ology is when they’re refusing to admit they’re wrong.

If you’re always bitching it’s because you’re always looking for things to bitch about.

If your loved ones never call out your flaws, they’re either too horrible to want to help you, or they know you’re too horrible to listen.

There’s no point arguing with people who value winning more than truth, which in my experience, is most people.

Disregarding useful advice just because the person giving it is a fool or a hypocrite is foolishness. You can learn something from anyone.

Everybody who knows you knows what’s wrong with you, but they won’t tell you because they know you won’t listen.

If someone accuses you of doing something bad and you get aggressively defense, you’re not looking at the situation from their point of view.

If someone tells you that you fucked up, there’s more than a 50% chance they’re not completely wrong.

If you contradict everything I say, then I’m going to give up trying to talk to you.

 

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Tweets by The Wise Sloth #5: Arrogance and Insecurity

Cartoon image of a sloth sitting on a mountain top. He is wearing a yellow robe. His head is bowed with his eyes shut, and beams of light shine from around his head. With his left arm, he is holding one finger in the air. Above him are the words, "Tweets by The Wise Sloth."

Everyone knows something you don’t, even the greatest fool you loath.

People will respect you more if you act like their equal than if you grovel at their feet and give them higher honors than you give yourself.

The more you think you know, the less it proves you do.

If nobody gets you, it’s more likely because you’re an arrogant idiot surrounded by rational people, than everybody else is evil and stupid.

90% of the times you apologize for your flaws, people would like you more if you just owned them.

Everyone knows more about something than anyone else. Nobody knows squat about everything. Our minds are as unique as our faces.

The bigger the ego, the smaller the mind.

You don’t over apologize because you’re obsessed with other people’s comfort but because you’re obsessed with projecting your insecurities.

The amount you are more or less stupid than anyone else is fractions of a degree.

Everyone detests arrogant people. Know that when you walk around acting like you’re better than everyone…everyone is looking down on you.

Everyone whose opinion of you, you worry about will die one day. Then their opinion won’t matter one damn bit, as it never did.

Everyone is smarter than the average person about at least one thing.

Bragging is far more likely to convince people you’re a pompous ass than a bad ass.

The difference between confident and cocky is that the first means, “I got it covered.” The second says, “I’m better than you.”

The more often you brag about how smart you are, the more wrong you probably are.

The more you tell people how much smarter you are than most people, the more likely you’re just dumb and arrogant.

Every time you try to sound smart, you just sound like you’re trying to sound smart, which smart people know smart people don’t do.

Nobody you knew yesterday is the same person today.

Nobody wants you to impress them. They just want you to entertain and flatter them.

Patting yourself on the back is like shaking your dick after peeing. If you do it more than twice, you’re jerking off.

When anyone starts jerking themselves off about how smart they are to you, stop them and say, “Hey, we all got supercomputers in our heads.”

 

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My Tweets About Philosophy 
My Tweets About Religion
My Tweets About Politics
My Tweets About Economics
My Tweets About Pop Culture