I’m going to explain why people won’t just give Trump a chance by using an analogy:
Once upon a time, there was an old woman named Amy who ran an orphanage. Amy had the best of intentions for the children under her ward, but she had a bad habit of dating terrible men and allowing them to meddle in the affairs of the orphanage. Inevitably, every one of her boyfriends would come in, abuse the children, steal money and sell the furniture, plumbing, decorations and anything else that wasn’t bolted down.
Of all the children who lived at the orphanage, the two most outspoken were Connie and Libby, both of whom were fed up with Amy’s boyfriends. One day Amy brought home a smooth talking black man who Connie hated immediately, but Libby loved him. Amy dated the black man for eight months, and Connie threw an epic tantrum the entire time. Every day she would scream about how he was going to destroy the orphanage. All the children grew so weary of hearing Connie call him a nigger and accuse him of being an illegal immigrant that eventually they just stopped paying any attention to her.
While this was going on, starry-eyed Libby defended Amy’s boyfriend despite the fact that he acted exactly like all the rest of them- abusing children, stealing money and going as far as selling the children’s medicine to friends he owed favors to.
Eventually, he left, and Amy started courting again. After sifting through the dating pool, she narrowed her love interests down to two people: a bitter old woman with crooked eyes and a racist philandering old man with orange hair. Both of them were professional con artists who made a living stealing from children and exploiting orphanages.
The woman walked around the orphanage with a tape measure, taking inventory of everything she planned to sell while talking to her business partners on her cell phone in a hushed voice. The man was even worse. He grabbed the girls by their pussies and openly bragged about how he was going to kick out the Mexican and Muslim children and not allow any more into the orphanage. For some reason, Libby loved the woman with crooked eyes and hated the man with orange hair. Connie loved the man but hated the woman.
In the end, Amy decided to go steady with the man and end her courtship with the woman. Libby was heartbroken. For weeks she cried and yelled at Amy, “How could you let another con artist into the orphanage? Can’t you see he’s obviously a greedy, creepy, racist lunatic!?”
Indignant, Connie defended Amy by shouting at Libby, “You’re so closed minded and delusional! Why do you keep saying he’s sexist just because he grabs our pussy? Why do you keep saying he’s racist just because he keeps bragging about kicking out minorities? It’s not fair. I want him to be here, which means we all want him to be here. We all owe it to him to give him a chance.”
All of the other children in the orphanage got tired of hearing Connie and Libby arguing before the man even moved in. On the day he finally did, Libby threw a massive tantrum and ran all around the building shouting and breaking things. Connie watched Libby’s tantrum with a mixture of gloating and disgust. When the tantrum was over, Connie said to Libby, “Why can’t you just respect Amy’s decision? This man is practically our father now. So you better grow up and start showing him some respect.”
At that moment, the quietest child, Marjorie, stood up and screamed in Connie’s face, “What are you talking about!? You threw an eight-month tantrum the entire time her last boyfriend was here. You don’t get to play the ‘give him a chance’ card after the way you’ve been acting. And he’s not our dad. We don’t owe him anything. He’s just the latest fox Amy let into the hen house. It blows everyone’s mind you and Libby can’t see how all of Amy’s lovers are completely corrupt.”
Seething with self-righteous anger, Connie sneered at Marjorie, “If you don’t like it, why don’t you just leave?”
Marjorie threw her hands in the air and shouted, “We can’t! We’re penniless orphans! Nobody will take us. We’re trapped. We’re not lucky to be here. We’re prisoners. Sure, Amy does some nice things for us when she’s not snooping through our stuff and running the orphanage into the ground. But she makes us do chores until our hands bleed to earn our keep. We’re getting the short end of the stick. So fuck that slave driver and all her shitty boyfriends, especially this one who is the worst of them all.”
Connie stuck her nose up in the air and sauntered back to her dilapidated cot to gloat. Over her shoulder, she said, “You’ll see. He’ll make the orphanage great again.”
Marjorie shook her head in disbelief and muttered, “Whatever. You’ll see, but I have a feeling you won’t admit it when he turns out to be just like all the rest.”
If you enjoyed this post, you’ll also like these:
- Americans, you’re not represented in the 2012 presidential election
- 10 things Obama won’t change in his second term
- Why Obamacare made me facepalm
- This Was Your Life: Barack Obama (Comic)
- Occupy LOL Street: The Wizard of LULZ (Comic)
The 2016 Presidential Election
- What I think of Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, and Bernie Sanders
- Why it’s delusional to vote in America’s 2016 presidential election
- Everything wrong with America’s 2016 presidential primaries
- This Was Your Life: Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump: Part 1 (Comic)
- This Was Your Life: Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump: Part 2 (Comic)
- This Was Your Life: Bernie Sanders (Comic)
- This Was Your Life: The Trump Supporter (Comic)
- How to survive the Trumpocalypse
- Why did Americans vote for Trump?
- What will Trump do now that he’s president
- Why I’m glad Trump won
- How Trump changed my understanding of American politics
- 4 reasons Americans shouldn’t accept Trump as president
- What should non-Americans do about Trump?
- What should Republicans and Democrats do about Trump?
- What should racists do about Trump?
- What should xenophobes do about Trump?
- What should rich people do about Trump?
- What should minorities do about Trump?
- Voting never has, and never will, save America
- If you want everyone to vote, then make voting work for everyone
- How presidential elections work (Comic)
- How congressional elections work (Comic)
- How political representation works (Comic)
Corruption and Election Reform
- How to end corruption in three steps
- 6 ways to improve the political nomination system
- 10 solutions to most of America’s problems
- 3 solutions that won’t change America, and 5 that will
- Occupy LOL Street: The Constitutional Convention (Comic)
- Occupy LOL Street: Adventures In Lobbying (Comic)
- Occupy LOL Street: The People’s Party (Comic)
- The 28th amendment
- My theory on gun control
- My theory on illegal immigration
- My theory on age-based accountability laws
- 5 reasons why prostitution should be legal
- 5 reasons to legalize gambling
- 8 reasons to legalize marijuana you’ve already heard
- Why stop with just making drugs illegal?
- 4 illogical arguments against polygamy
- The American burqa
- Borders are inhumane
- How freedom works (Comic)
- How equality works (Comic)
- How gender equality works (Comic)
- How the war on drugs works (Comic)
- The Ents: A Story About Marijuana Prohibition (Comic)
- This Was Your Life: The Trafic Cop (Comic)
My Tweets About Politics
- #17: The 2016 U.S. presidential election
- #18: Donald Trump’s presidency
- #19: Political corruption, incompetence, and voting
- #20: Political and economic freedom
- #21: Immigration, racism, and guns
- #22: Public education
- #23: Political reform
- #24: Police, prisons, and unjust laws
- #25: War, military, and troops
- #26: Social justice warriors
Feel free to leave a comment.