Tag Archives: Tweets

September 28, 2017

Tweets by The Wise Sloth #12: Dating, Cheating, Exes, Masturbation, Oral Sex and Lust

By wise sloth

Cartoon image of a sloth sitting on a mountain top. He is wearing a yellow robe. His head is bowed with his eyes shut, and beams of light shine from around his head. With his left arm, he is holding one finger in the air. Above him are the words, "Tweets by The Wise Sloth."

Ignorance of sex is more dangerous than sex.

Women obsess over men pleasing them emotionally, and men obsess over pleasing women physically. #oops

Members of the opposite sex who don’t want to be with you rarely go out of their way to spend time with you.

Some people are confident in social situations because they practice success. Other people are confident because they just don’t give a fuck.

Women are more likely to talk about how men should love them despite their weight than they are to talk about how much they love fat guys.

Promiscuous men are called studs while promiscuous women are called sluts because women shame their competition while men give credit where credit is due.

The more paranoid your lover is of you cheating on them, the more likely they’re already cheating on you.

Either all your exes are jerks or nobody wants to stay with a spoiled brat who throws hate-tantrums every time you don’t get what you want.

The more you shit-test your lover, bitch at them and tear them down, the more threatened you should feel by sex robots.

When men don’t get pussy, they turn into werewolves. When women don’t get dick, they turn into banshees.

99% of men masturbate. That’s 99% of the men you’ve shaken hands with.

My blog, “How to go down on a girl” gets about 5,000 hits per month. “How to go down on a guy” gets about 900. I find this interesting.

Masturbating is like cooking. You can prepare a fine meal or grab a burger to go. Call me crazy, but I prefer Thanksgiving over fast food.

You cross a line and do something to your soul when you wear sweatpants to a strip club.

 

If you enjoyed these Tweets, you’ll also like these:

My Tweets About Self-Help
My Tweets About Romance
My Tweets About Philosophy 
My Tweets About Religion
My Tweets About Politics
My Tweets About Economics
My Tweets About Pop Culture

Leave a comment   |  tags: | posted in Sex, Relationships, and Dating, Tweets

September 28, 2017

Tweets by The Wise Sloth #11: Love, Relationships and Communication

By wise sloth

Cartoon image of a sloth sitting on a mountain top. He is wearing a yellow robe. His head is bowed with his eyes shut, and beams of light shine from around his head. With his left arm, he is holding one finger in the air. Above him are the words, "Tweets by The Wise Sloth."

The question isn’t, “What does it mean when someone tells you they love you?” The question is, “What do they mean when they say, ‘I love you.’”

Relationships are mazes, not train tracks. There’s no backtracking in a maze. There’s only moving forward with what you’ve learned.

Marriage is more dangerous than driving. You should have to take a 6-month marriage education course before getting a marriage license.

The most productive way to be in love with your lover isn’t to be as infatuated as possible with them as all the time.

If you can’t make yourself happy, you will inevitably make your lover miserable.

If you want your lover to live, work and love you to their fullest, then build them up constantly. If you want the opposite, tear them down.

The more you celebrate your lover the more they’ll celebrate you. The more you disparage your lover the more they’ll disparage you.

If you didn’t compliment your lover today, you failed at being a good lover today.

If you didn’t tell your lover how much you value them today, you failed at being a good lover today.

It defeats the purpose of getting/having/keeping someone in your life if you have to go out of your way to live up to their expectations.

You can’t improve your relationship by bitching. You can only do that by loving, supporting and building your partner up.

The more you try to make your lover feel guilty, the more you fail at being a good lover.

Women, you don’t have to manipulate men to do what you want. Just give him a blowjob. He’ll do whatever you want and love you more too.

Your lover doesn’t listen to you when you shout at them because they’re deafened by the sound of you fucking up your relationship.

If you want your man to do/not do something, bitching at him will get you the bare minimum. A blowjob will get you 110%. #LifeHack #Karma

When you speak angrily to your lover, you may get what you want, but they’ll walk away feeling like your enemy or victim.

If your solution to an interpersonal problem involves you being a dick head, it’s going to backfire. I guarantee it.

When a woman complains to you about a problem, don’t offer solutions and rationalizations. Just actively listen. All you have to do is wait.

Someone needs to invent a game like “Magic: The Gathering,” except instead of battling monsters, you do/learn what it takes to succeed in relationships.

For every 1 thing you tell your lover you don’t like about them, tell them 1,000 things you do like about them.

 

If you enjoyed these Tweets, you’ll also like these:

My Tweets About Self-Help
My Tweets About Romance
My Tweets About Philosophy 
My Tweets About Religion
My Tweets About Politics
My Tweets About Economics
My Tweets About Pop Culture

Leave a comment   |  tags: | posted in Sex, Relationships, and Dating, Tweets

September 28, 2017

Tweets by The Wise Sloth #10: Eating, Hydrating, Exercising, Stretching and Addiction

By wise sloth

Cartoon image of a sloth sitting on a mountain top. He is wearing a yellow robe. His head is bowed with his eyes shut, and beams of light shine from around his head. With his left arm, he is holding one finger in the air. Above him are the words, "Tweets by The Wise Sloth."

It defeats the purpose of ingesting something if it has zero calories.

Your body is 60% water. You’re a walking waterfall. Everything your body does uses water. Drink water about every 2 hours or shrivel up and die.

The longer a food product takes to expire, the less often you should eat it.

You rarely hear people who eat right and exercise regularly, complain about chronic fatigue.

Just once I’d like to hear a politician talk about the need for grocery store reform because the system we got is creating obesity and poverty.

You are what you eat. If you eat processed food, you will become cancerous.

There are millions of people who have never eaten anything that didn’t come out of a bag or a box. #notmyutopia

In case you didn’t learn this in elementary school, the secret to long life is keeping all your organ systems healthy all the time.

Nowadays, every time I drink milk I wonder what percentage of the bouquet of flavors I’ve come to know and love is the taste of udder pus.

You are what you eat. In possibly unrelated news, you’re probably also going to die of cancer.

The reason you have unexplainable muscle pains is because you do the same things with your body every day.

Healthy habits aren’t a burden. They’re an opportunity.

In order to stay limber you have to move limber.

Exercising makes you sweat. Sweat removes toxins from your body. Not exercising keeps toxins in your body affecting mood, energy and health.

If you’ve never Googled, “How to take care of myself,” then don’t wonder why your life sucks.

The less you stretch and use your muscles, the more they’ll hurt.

Repetitive pains in peoples’ bodies are usually caused by their repetitive lifestyle.

The cure for lethargy is activity.

Not being able to see or think straight is your body’s way of telling you that you’re killing it with poison.

Typically, you can’t be drunk and working towards self-actualization at the same time.

The less sober you are, the less focused on fulfilling the meaning of your life you are.

When you drink and smoke to celebrate life you celebrate life by killing yourself and lowering your potential to make the most out of life.

You won’t find total peace in sobriety, but you will find far less peace in addiction.

Poisoning yourself constantly is a great way to weaken your immune system.

Chronic drug use is not a recipe for chronic stress relief. It’s a recipe for chronic cell death.

 

If you enjoyed these Tweets, you’ll also like these:

My Tweets About Self-Help
My Tweets About Romance
My Tweets About Philosophy 
My Tweets About Religion
My Tweets About Politics
My Tweets About Economics
My Tweets About Pop Culture

Leave a comment   |  tags: | posted in health, Tweets

September 28, 2017

Tweets by The Wise Sloth #9: Writing, Art and Creativity

By wise sloth

Cartoon image of a sloth sitting on a mountain top. He is wearing a yellow robe. His head is bowed with his eyes shut, and beams of light shine from around his head. With his left arm, he is holding one finger in the air. Above him are the words, "Tweets by The Wise Sloth."

Writer = idea maker + communicator.

Each thought only comes around once a lifetime. Unless no part of you cares about them being lost/remembered, write them down. Last chance.

You’ve learned something everywhere you’ve been. If you don’t write it down, it’s only a matter of time until you forget.

You’re more likely to succeed as an author by writing 100 books that are 80% perfect than writing 1 book that is 100% perfect.

Hero + need + opportunity + condition + plan + decision… drives hero to fulfill condition requirements to get that which satisfies the need.

Writer’s block is just anxiety and panic attacks. To master the art of getting through writer’s block, Google “steps to overcoming anxiety.”

Every writer should Tweet on Twitter to gain experience condensing sentences to the bare essentials.

Writers have two choices: 1. Write about the most important topics they can 2. Write things that distract people from more important topics

You can’t come up with good ideas without coming up with bad ideas in the process.

Stories are like Celtic knots. You can make good ones without planning, but there’s a limit to the elegance you can achieve.

By expressing yourself, you create yourself.

It’s an inconvenient truth that the quality and quantity of art produced by a nation increases with the quality and quantity of drugs available to its artists.

 

If you enjoyed these Tweets, you’ll also like these:

My Tweets About Self-Help
My Tweets About Romance
My Tweets About Philosophy 
My Tweets About Religion
My Tweets About Politics
My Tweets About Economics
My Tweets About Pop Culture

Leave a comment   |  tags: | posted in Tweets, Writing

September 28, 2017

Tweets by The Wise Sloth #8: Practice, Failing and Determination

By wise sloth

Cartoon image of a sloth sitting on a mountain top. He is wearing a yellow robe. His head is bowed with his eyes shut, and beams of light shine from around his head. With his left arm, he is holding one finger in the air. Above him are the words, "Tweets by The Wise Sloth."

Experience has taught me that you only have two options in life: 1. Kick life in the balls. 2. Get kicked in the balls by life.

Focus on what you’re doing, not what you want. You climb a mountain by taking steps, not by obsessively staring at the peak.

The fastest, easiest, best shortcut to climbing a mountain, still usually involves climbing a mountain.

Failure = practice.

Failing is practicing, and practicing is succeeding.

When you’re learning a skill, don’t worry about failing. Just worry about not quitting.

All things are possible to those who turn off the TV, get up off their ass, go do something and never quit.

Growing experiences tend to come with growing pains. Accept it. Embrace it. Get on with it.

If you’re going to spend the next hour or so feeling depressed about how empty and hopeless everything is, do it while exercising. #LifeHack

You can’t become a pro until you’ve made all the rookie mistakes.

The more mistakes you make doing something, the more qualified you become to master that thing.

Just because you haven’t done something doesn’t mean you can’t do that thing.

When you feel bored and uninspired, clean your house. You need to do it anyway. You have the time, and you’ll feel good about it afterward.

Whenever I fail at something, I imagine myself as a young Babe Ruth striking out.

If you do one thing all day, every day, it’s only a matter of time until you become professionally good at that thing.

Success requires energy. Does your lifestyle boost or drain your energy? There might be a correlation.

Sticking to a decision requires a reason, not willpower.

You can get your video game character to level 60 or your real self in real life to level 60. Pick one.

The best competitors show up to very few competitions you compete in. Sometimes bad competitors win because they’re the only people there.

We’re born with potential, not talent. Abnormally high talent comes only from abnormally frequent, persistent study and practice.

 

If you enjoyed these Tweets, you’ll also like these:

My Tweets About Self-Help
My Tweets About Romance
My Tweets About Philosophy 
My Tweets About Religion
My Tweets About Politics
My Tweets About Economics
My Tweets About Pop Culture

Leave a comment   |  tags: | posted in Self-Esteem, Tweets

September 28, 2017

Tweets by The Wise Sloth #7: Excuses and Complaining

By wise sloth

Cartoon image of a sloth sitting on a mountain top. He is wearing a yellow robe. His head is bowed with his eyes shut, and beams of light shine from around his head. With his left arm, he is holding one finger in the air. Above him are the words, "Tweets by The Wise Sloth."

If you’ve got time to come up with excuses, you’ve got time to come up with solutions.

By all means, complain when life sucks, but complain while you’re doing something about it.

At some point you have to stop bitching about the hand you were dealt and get on with playing the game the best you can with what you got.

There tends to be an inverse correlation between the amount of time you spend complaining and the amount of time you spend doing something.

“I did the best I could,” is usually an excuse used by people who didn’t do the best they could.

It’s surprising how many times you can have an excuse that sounds perfect on paper but doesn’t really apply or mean shit in reality.

There are two kinds of people in this world: Those who have an excuse for everything, and those who don’t have to make excuses.

You can’t move your life forward by making excuses dismissing action, but you can by making excuses dismissing your excuses against acting.

The more you complain about a problem, the less you’re probably doing anything about it.

Nothing was ever built on excuses.

Your dreams are waiting for you to stop making excuses.

I’ve watched excuses ruin more people’s lives than anything else.

Today’s excuses become tomorrow’s regrets.

You don’t hear maggots at the bottom of trash bags asking why life isn’t fair. Well, we’re maggots at the bottom of a cosmic trash bag.

 

If you enjoyed these Tweets, you’ll also like these:

My Tweets About Self-Help
My Tweets About Romance
My Tweets About Philosophy 
My Tweets About Religion
My Tweets About Politics
My Tweets About Economics
My Tweets About Pop Culture

Leave a comment   |  tags: | posted in Self-Esteem, Tweets

September 28, 2017

Tweets by The Wise Sloth #6: Arguing With People

By wise sloth

Cartoon image of a sloth sitting on a mountain top. He is wearing a yellow robe. His head is bowed with his eyes shut, and beams of light shine from around his head. With his left arm, he is holding one finger in the air. Above him are the words, "Tweets by The Wise Sloth."

Just because someone says something you disagree with, that doesn’t mean they’re against you. They may just be for facts, and you’re wrong.

Getting mad at people when you don’t get what you want usually indicates you’re the selfish bad guy, and your enemy is the real victim.

Proving to people you’re right all the time is more likely a symptom of your insecurity and shortsightedness than strength and genius.

People only argue semantics when they don’t have a real argument.

Step 1: Give someone advice. Step 2: Listen to why they’re not going to take it.

I’m not saying don’t help people. Just be aware that giving people constructive criticism is more likely to piss them off than help them.

Someone who isn’t thinking rationally won’t come to a rational conclusion even if you serve it to them on a silver platter.

If you meet a dragon, don’t have a fire-breathing contest with it.

The more times you use the word “fuck” in an argument, the less favorable the outcome is likely to be for you.

The only person who really wins in an argument is the one who learns something.

You wouldn’t be arguing if your opponent were willing to listen. Arguing is just a test to see who’ll shout loudest and who’ll give up first.

Life’s tough. Life’s tougher when you get furious over semantics.

The more you don’t want to hear you’re wrong, the more you’re probably wrong.

If you’re always angrily proving you’re right, you’re probably actually angrily defending your misconceptions.

You learn and grow more from listening than from talking.

There is no problem that can’t be solved without being an ass hole.

Getting defensive and arguing every time someone tries to correct you or give you advice won’t get you as far in life as you seem to think.

Science is just drawing conclusions from evidence. The only time people hate evidence-ology is when they’re refusing to admit they’re wrong.

If you’re always bitching it’s because you’re always looking for things to bitch about.

If your loved ones never call out your flaws, they’re either too horrible to want to help you, or they know you’re too horrible to listen.

There’s no point arguing with people who value winning more than truth, which in my experience, is most people.

Disregarding useful advice just because the person giving it is a fool or a hypocrite is foolishness. You can learn something from anyone.

Everybody who knows you knows what’s wrong with you, but they won’t tell you because they know you won’t listen.

If someone accuses you of doing something bad and you get aggressively defense, you’re not looking at the situation from their point of view.

If someone tells you that you fucked up, there’s more than a 50% chance they’re not completely wrong.

If you contradict everything I say, then I’m going to give up trying to talk to you.

 

If you enjoyed these Tweets, you’ll also like these:

My Tweets About Self-Help
My Tweets About Romance
My Tweets About Philosophy 
My Tweets About Religion
My Tweets About Politics
My Tweets About Economics
My Tweets About Pop Culture

Leave a comment   |  tags: | posted in How to Think Like a Genius, Tweets

September 28, 2017

Tweets by The Wise Sloth #5: Arrogance and Insecurity

By wise sloth

Cartoon image of a sloth sitting on a mountain top. He is wearing a yellow robe. His head is bowed with his eyes shut, and beams of light shine from around his head. With his left arm, he is holding one finger in the air. Above him are the words, "Tweets by The Wise Sloth."

Everyone knows something you don’t, even the greatest fool you loath.

People will respect you more if you act like their equal than if you grovel at their feet and give them higher honors than you give yourself.

The more you think you know, the less it proves you do.

If nobody gets you, it’s more likely because you’re an arrogant idiot surrounded by rational people, than everybody else is evil and stupid.

90% of the times you apologize for your flaws, people would like you more if you just owned them.

Everyone knows more about something than anyone else. Nobody knows squat about everything. Our minds are as unique as our faces.

The bigger the ego, the smaller the mind.

You don’t over apologize because you’re obsessed with other people’s comfort but because you’re obsessed with projecting your insecurities.

The amount you are more or less stupid than anyone else is fractions of a degree.

Everyone detests arrogant people. Know that when you walk around acting like you’re better than everyone…everyone is looking down on you.

Everyone whose opinion of you, you worry about will die one day. Then their opinion won’t matter one damn bit, as it never did.

Everyone is smarter than the average person about at least one thing.

Bragging is far more likely to convince people you’re a pompous ass than a bad ass.

The difference between confident and cocky is that the first means, “I got it covered.” The second says, “I’m better than you.”

The more often you brag about how smart you are, the more wrong you probably are.

The more you tell people how much smarter you are than most people, the more likely you’re just dumb and arrogant.

Every time you try to sound smart, you just sound like you’re trying to sound smart, which smart people know smart people don’t do.

Nobody you knew yesterday is the same person today.

Nobody wants you to impress them. They just want you to entertain and flatter them.

Patting yourself on the back is like shaking your dick after peeing. If you do it more than twice, you’re jerking off.

When anyone starts jerking themselves off about how smart they are to you, stop them and say, “Hey, we all got supercomputers in our heads.”

 

If you enjoyed these Tweets, you’ll also like these:

My Tweets About Self-Help
My Tweets About Romance
My Tweets About Philosophy 
My Tweets About Religion
My Tweets About Politics
My Tweets About Economics
My Tweets About Pop Culture

Leave a comment   |  tags: | posted in Self-Esteem, Tweets

September 28, 2017

Tweets by The Wise Sloth #4: Being Mean vs Being Nice

By wise sloth

Cartoon image of a sloth sitting on a mountain top. He is wearing a yellow robe. His head is bowed with his eyes shut, and beams of light shine from around his head. With his left arm, he is holding one finger in the air. Above him are the words, "Tweets by The Wise Sloth."

Unless your goal is throwing away allies, you’re not winning anything by being mean to strangers.

If you want to turn a bad person good, educating them is far more effective than scaring them.

Don’t expect people you’re not nice to, to be nice to you.

If you value life, then treat it with respect. Boom. Morality explained.

Justifying hurting people is always justifying being one of the bad guys.

Nobody has to be mean to you because you did something wrong. When someone is mean, it’s because they’re mean.

It’s amazing how bad of a person you can be when you convince yourself you’re an ideal person.

If you choose to bail someone out every time they screw up, their problems will always be your problems and yours alone.

If you can’t figure out a better way to respond to anger than with hatred… you’re obviously not trying.

You’d be surprised what people will give you sometimes if you just ask.

If you have a good reason to be mean to someone, it doesn’t mean you’re justified. It means you’re great at justifying being an asshole.

When someone asks for forgiveness for something they’re not really sorry for, they’re really asking for permission.

The more dogmatically you label yourself the good guy and someone else the bad guy, the more capable of evil you become.

You can measure how horrible of a person you are by how small an inconvenience it takes to make you mean.

There are 2 kinds of people: ones who treat others well because they care and ones who treat others bad because they only care about themself.

If you’re the only person in the world you care about, then why should anyone care about you?

Anytime you send food back at a restaurant, assume whatever you get back has spit in it, even if your complaint was valid.

If you only care about yourself, you don’t give other people much reason to care about you. In fact, you give them good reason not to.

An apology is not a substitute for changing bad behavior.

Everyone deserves a second chance, but be aware that almost nobody ever changes.

The better you are at making people happy, the more the world will be your oyster.

Everyone is partly good & bad. You can choose to focus/dwell on either side. Both are right, but beware where both paths lead you.

Having a bad day is not a valid excuse to be hurtful to other people. But any 10-year-old could have told you that.

Everyone loves freedom until you do something they wouldn’t. Then freedom is offensive and frightening.

Everyone has hurt someone. So we may as well either preemptively hate everyone or forgive everyone.

Every time you feel you’ve won an argument, there’s a 50/50 chance you just dogmatically defended your completely wrong self-serving delusion.

Whatever tone of voice you use with someone, they’ll probably use the same one back.

You can only be mean to someone so many times before they act mean back to you. Same goes with being kind.

You’ll almost always be swamped with important, pressing issues. Festering over people who wronged you ages ago is never a priority.

Every time you’re rude to someone you burn a bridge to an ally.

You can measure how horrible you’re capable of being by adding up all the situations where you believe being mean to others is justified.

If more than 2 people have called you an asshole, it’s probably because you are.

There’s a direct correlation between how much a person looks at things from others’ point of view and their tendency to kindness/hurtfulness.

If you have time to bitch about other people, you have time to do anything else that doesn’t waste your time being petty and negative.

No one but you is responsible for you throwing a tantrum.

Making cars wait as you walk across the road all slow and gangsta lets strangers know you’re selfish, petty and insecure, not tough.

Crushing people’s hand when you shake it is a great way to let people know you have to make a dick waving competition out of everything.

 

If you enjoyed these Tweets, you’ll also like these:

My Tweets About Self-Help
My Tweets About Romance
My Tweets About Philosophy 
My Tweets About Religion
My Tweets About Politics
My Tweets About Economics
My Tweets About Pop Culture

Leave a comment   |  tags: | posted in Happiness and Peace, Tweets

September 28, 2017

Tweets by The Wise Sloth #3: Maturity, Adulting, Growing Up and Parenting

By wise sloth

Cartoon image of a sloth sitting on a mountain top. He is wearing a yellow robe. His head is bowed with his eyes shut, and beams of light shine from around his head. With his left arm, he is holding one finger in the air. Above him are the words, "Tweets by The Wise Sloth."

Think of humans as wind-up chimps on autopilot who don’t realize they’re on autopilot. Everything everyone does will make much more sense.

Everyone is: 1.Insane 2. A child 3. So lost they don’t know how lost they are. When you understand that, dealing with people gets easier

If you can find out where a person came from and where they want to go, then you can predict what they’ll likely do in-between.

How to be an adult: Don’t get hurt, defensive and belligerent when someone informs you you’re wrong about something. Instead, say thank you.

The dumber the individual, the dumber the whole. We all have a personal and civic responsibility to not be stupid.

Part of growing up is learning to bring closure to bad memories without the involvement of the people who gave you those memories.

If you call me, “sir,” I won’t think you’re respectful. I’ll think you’ve been brainwashed into subjugating yourself.

Responsibility is doing what you need before doing what you want.

FYI: Just because you had a child doesn’t mean you’re an adult.

To better understand why you are the way you are, ask your parents to explain in detail what your life was like between ages 1-5.

Adulting consists mainly of fulfilling contrived responsibilities that exist only because governments, bosses, and bankers are exploiting us.

Kids, don’t get too excited about getting into the adult world and being treated like an adult. You never stop getting treated like a kid.

Statistically speaking, you should be gravely concerned about your inability to accept responsibility for your actions.

Just because you’re older doesn’t mean you’re right. More likely it means you’ve been wrong a long time.

You can’t pretend you’re not old anymore after you start meeting kids who are too young to remember the things that defined your childhood.

How to be an adult: Realize that your age has no bearing on how much other people should respect you or how much you should respect them.

Hurting someone all the time trains them to feel hurt and angry all the time.

It’s baffling how few parents have written instruction books for life to give to their children.

Your kids will freak out over the same size problems as you, to the same extent as you. Don’t show them how to be a spoiled, whiny bitch.

If you had shitty parents, you should seek therapy. If you know someone who had shitty parents, they should seek therapy.

Children need and want answers just as much as adults, but all they get from adults are mythologies and psychotic cartoons.

The way you make your children feel when they’re young is pretty much how they’ll feel when they’re old.

 

 

If you enjoyed these Tweets, you’ll also like these:

 

My Tweets About Self-Help
My Tweets About Romance
My Tweets About Philosophy 
My Tweets About Religion
My Tweets About Politics
My Tweets About Economics
My Tweets About Pop Culture

 

Leave a comment   |  tags: | posted in Growing up and Becoming You, Tweets