Tag Archives: Tweets

Tweets by The Wise Sloth #20: Political and Economic Freedom

Cartoon image of a sloth sitting on a mountain top. He is wearing a yellow robe. His head is bowed with his eyes shut, and beams of light shine from around his head. With his left arm, he is holding one finger in the air. Above him are the words, "Tweets by The Wise Sloth."

When the country with the largest prison population celebrates its freedoms, it’s celebrating a delusion.

If the right to vote, work, love, own a gun or live on your own terms can be taken away then they’re not rights. They’re privileges at best.

America would feel more like the land of the free if you didn’t get yelled at and punished for not mowing your lawn.

It’s not sedition if a politician acts against the will & interest of the people. It is if a person complains about corruption too much.

When your government takes away your freedoms for your own good, they’re taking the position that freedom is no good.

You’ll be told America is the land of the free until you try to enter one of its national parks. Then you’ll be told to pay up or piss off.

I have the freedom of speech and religion! Can’t wait to exercise them when bills don’t have me chained to my day job.

July 4th is the day Americans are supposed to take time to appreciate their freedoms… even if they’re not free to take that time off work.

Poor Americans live with more fear than freedoms.

Americans need licenses to do anything but go to church. As long as that line isn’t crossed, we accept having to apply/pay for our freedoms.

If your life feels like a rat race, then you don’t live in the land of the free.

Labor Day isn’t a celebration of freedom. It’s a distraction from the reality that we’re all wage slaves.

America should change its slogan from “the land of the free” to “arbeit macht frei.”

If America were the land of the free nobody would have to work 40 hours per week or die homeless.

If America is a land “of the people, by the people, for the people,” then why is it a gruesome fucking rat race?

If you don’t like America, then leave. Oh, wait. You can’t because America’s oppressive economy keeps you living paycheck to paycheck.

Every month hundreds of millions of Americans celebrate their freedom by living paycheck to paycheck.

Every year Americans celebrate their freedom by paying hundreds of dollars to renew their professional licenses that arbitrarily expired.

 

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My Tweets About Politics
My Tweets About Economics
My Tweets About Pop Culture

Tweets by The Wise Sloth #21: Immigration, Racism and Guns

Cartoon image of a sloth sitting on a mountain top. He is wearing a yellow robe. His head is bowed with his eyes shut, and beams of light shine from around his head. With his left arm, he is holding one finger in the air. Above him are the words, "Tweets by The Wise Sloth."

If you think people who aren’t like you to leave your country, you should petition your government to make leaving your country not damn near impossible.

The question you should be asking isn’t, “Why are immigrants being let in my country?” but “Why isn’t everyone allowed to go everywhere?”

I wish humanity was as passionate about devoting resources to emigrating off Earth as we are stopping people from immigrating around Earth.

The more you believe that only the natives in your country deserve to live and work there, the less you believe all humans are one family.

Machines designed specifically to kill people don’t kill people. People kill people with machines designed specifically to kill people.

It doesn’t prove easy access to guns keeps us safer when a gun bought from Wal-Mart is used to stop a shooter who bought a gun at Wal-Mart.

The British defeated the Maoris by selling them guns, which they slaughtered each other with. Corporations did the same thing to Americans.

If the US government ever actually makes guns illegal, it won’t be to control gun advocates. It will be to bait them into a civil war.

It sucks that whenever there’s a mass shooting, one of the first questions it raises is, “What freedoms will we lose now?”

The NRA advocates mutually assured destruction as the best way to guarantee our safety. Their motto should be, “Salvation through fear.”

The more you hate a group of people, the more you should question the motives of the people who warned you about that group… regardless.

The more you believe your culture should be imposed on the entire world, the more likely you’re a gullible follower in a terroristic cult.

The more you believe that people who aren’t exactly like you are the root of your country’s problems, the more gullible you probably are.

Every American who hates immigrants doesn’t tell the waiter at their favorite authentic Asian and Mexican food restaurants about it.

When politicians tell you someone is coming to kill your family, it’s to distract you from noticing someone who is coming to take your money.

The larger the group of people you blame the world’s problems on, the more likely you’re just an intellectually lazy bigot.

If people keep stereotyping you as the worst member of your group, don’t try to fix your accusers. Raise up the broken members of your group.

There’s a time and a place to bitch about the dangers of illegal immigration. In summer, when Jose is landscaping your lawn, is not the time.

If you think the world is divided into liberals and conservatives, and world peace will be achieved when one side wins, you’re a gullible fool.

No matter where you live, if you’re proud of being in the majority, you’re probably proud of being a gullible, surface-thinking idiot.

If you find yourself celebrating the deaths of innocent civilians, it’s time to consider you might be one of the bad guys.

If your plan to make the world better is to kill, incarcerate or deport all the bad guys, you’re probably one of the bad guys.

 

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Tweets by The Wise Sloth #22: Public Education

 

Cartoon image of a sloth sitting on a mountain top. He is wearing a yellow robe. His head is bowed with his eyes shut, and beams of light shine from around his head. With his left arm, he is holding one finger in the air. Above him are the words, "Tweets by The Wise Sloth."

Let’s just eliminate university and make public high school 4 years longer. It’ll be cheaper, and we’d get a better education.

Instead of using school time to teach kids how to celebrate nonsensical holidays, let’s teach them how to solve problems during that time.

Learning how to overcome fear is more important than learning the quadratic equation. Yet schools are more likely to teach the latter.

Dangerous adults aren’t created when society fails to censor kids from bad ethics, but when society fails to teach kids functional ethics.

America’s education system is so broken, it would be better to go 100% digital and close all brick and mortar schools.

It would solve so many problems later in life if schools taught children how to take a hint.

Schools should have classes that teach you how/why not to throw tantrums when you don’t get what you want.

My high school history teacher once told my class America was founded by criminals, slaves, and religious freaks. It seems nothing has changed.

Just because you took a class in college doesn’t mean you know shit about shit.

High schools really need to teach classes on defining and maintaining your self-worth.

In a perfect world, we would have instructional classes in school on dating, sex, and masturbation.

They tell you to go to college to learn. They don’t tell you half your professors will just teach you their shitty life story.

The call to action raised by ignorance is education, not violence.

Anyone who educates themself is a hero.

 

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Tweets by The Wise Sloth #23: Political Reform

Cartoon image of a sloth sitting on a mountain top. He is wearing a yellow robe. His head is bowed with his eyes shut, and beams of light shine from around his head. With his left arm, he is holding one finger in the air. Above him are the words, "Tweets by The Wise Sloth."

If it’s a sin to question your government then it’s a sin to fix corruption.

What you want your government to be like matters more than what your forefathers wanted their government to be like.

Instead of having a Republican and Democratic Party, how about a Male and Female, or Young and Old, or Employer and Employee, or anything else?

If only allowing current high school honor students to serve in Congress would seriously make America better, then why not seriously do it?

America tried to use a two-party, winner-take-all voting system to represent the will of a nation so diverse it’s known as “the great melting pot.”

If it’s vital that the president be limited to 2 terms, wouldn’t the same reasons apply to every elected position?

Congress should be held to at least the same standard of testing, tracking and consequences as testing companies hold preteen students to.

Lifelong political positions discriminate against young voters by locking in their parents’ generations’ representation in government.

There should only be one thing you have to do to become a presidential candidate: Pass the hardest government test MIT can come up with.

When a few people are stressed and pissed, change a few things. When most people are, change the fundamentals.

The president picking a vice president is like an ugly girl picking which fat friend she brings to the club to make her look better.

If you can organize a country to vote for a president every 4 years then you can organize a country to vote on important issues every year.

The biggest problem in the world right now is that not enough people are talking enough about the biggest problems in the world enough.

When I hear people say, “I’m tired of hearing people talk about Trump,” I think, “Not talking about politics is how we ended up with Trump.”

I want my tax dollars to be spent paying a group of writers to write a book titled, “Survival Guide to Life.”

Americans have proven they can’t protest without rioting. It’s about time they try something different.

At least once in my life, I’d like to hear a politician say voters should have the ability to veto politicians out of office by popular vote.

If massage therapists have to do continuing education to keep their job, so should Congress.

I’m ready for politicians to declare war on bills.

If it’s important to drug test the janitors on Capitol Hill, it’s important to drug test the people who vote on declarations of war.

The only person in the American military who isn’t required to take drug tests is the commander in chief. #OfAllPeople #RoomForOneMore?

Social issues can’t be solved if the only people talking about them and offering solutions, are the most radical members of each side.

If we need soldiers to be able to get dishonorable discharges, it must be more important for politicians to be subject to the same standard.

Instead of staffing government mostly with lawyers, we should staff it mostly with computer programmers. Couldn’t be any worse.

Poverty will always be epidemic as long as the rich are the only people allowed to make the rules.

America would be better off if every news anchor was a licensed psychologist, instead of a surreal-acting sensationalist.

If we can’t redistribute the rich’s wealth to the poor, let’s at least redistribute the taxes poor people pay to services that help them.

If anything should be illegal, charging interest on interest should be right after murder and rape.

If welfare isn’t working in your country, it doesn’t mean welfare is evil. It means your government’s bureaucracy is broken and needs fixing.

Like how businesses do random drug screenings on employees, governments should do random corruption and war crimes screening on politicians.

Since America is jailing people for doing things that hurt them, it should criminalize fanatical patriotism and making excuses for politicians.

Since America is jailing people for doing things that hurt them, they should make it illegal not to learn something new every day.

America should make a new rule that a president can’t be elected without 50% of the popular vote.

Everyone should be eligible to apply directly for any government position. Why pay for something you’re not allowed to use?

If you can’t vote directly on how 100% of your taxes are spent, then you don’t own your government. It owns you.

 

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Tweets by The Wise Sloth #24: Police, Prisons and Drug Laws

Cartoon image of a sloth sitting on a mountain top. He is wearing a yellow robe. His head is bowed with his eyes shut, and beams of light shine from around his head. With his left arm, he is holding one finger in the air. Above him are the words, "Tweets by The Wise Sloth."

Memorial Day is the perfect day to ask why America has more prisoners than any other country.

Any president who doesn’t talk about the fact that state-sanctioned slavery going on in U.S. prisons, is a complete failure at their job.

A country only cares about its free citizens as much as it cares about its prisoners.

Maybe the U.S.A. shouldn’t have more citizens in prison than any country in the world.

As long as there are for-profit prisons, ticket quotas and a war on drugs, there are no good cops, only accomplices to crime at best.

I knew an inmate who refused to work in the prison sweatshop. When asked why. He said, “If I wanted to be a slave, I wouldn’t have sold drugs”

More Americans have been to jail than have a passport.

At any given time, there are more Americans in jail than on vacation.

If you’re afraid of your police then you probably don’t live in the land of the free.

If you have to worry about the police protecting you from yourself, you’re not free.

Someone who plans to use anything you say against you in a court of law is not there to serve and protect you.

Just once I’d like to hear an American president address the fact that Americans live in constant fear of their own police force.

Tyranny cannot exist unless good people uphold bad laws in the name of duty and patriotism.

I don’t know why people riot, but I have noticed that I un-oppressed people rarely do.

In nobody’s utopia do people fear the police. In everyone’s dystopia the general public fears the police.

The more often and intensely you’re afraid of accidentally or unintentionally breaking the law, the more likely you live in a police state.

The more non-violent protesters cops arrest, the more they make violence inevitable by proving non-violence is not an option.

Most Americans are more intensely and frequently afraid of seeing an American cop or doctor than a foreign terrorist.

Americans don’t suck because there aren’t enough rules, but because there are too many.

Walking in big American cities is dangerous. If the cops don’t get you, the criminals will.

It really illustrates who the government works for when cops arrest people protesting big businesses seizing and building on their land.

The police are doing a pretty good job at protecting me from illegal robbery. They’re doing a terrible job protecting me from legal robbery.

When someone tells you to respect authority, they’re really telling you to embrace subjugation.

Refusing to question rules/orders doesn’t make you morally strong/pure but intellectually weak/lazy.

Every time a cop gives a ticket to meet a quota, they defeat the purpose of police existing.

If you want to feel free then think of police quotas as freedom quotas.

America’s police celebrate America’s freedoms every July 4th by giving tickets to citizens for drinking and using fireworks too liberally.

Soldiers giveth freedom, and police taketh away.

A good guy wouldn’t take all of a poor person’s money because they don’t have a sticker on their car, but any cop would.

The more you believe victimless crimes should be policed by the government, the less you believe in freedom.

Police have unmarked cars so… you can’t spot them coming to serve and protect you?

Fastest way to reduce the number of police shootings: Reduce the number of pointless victimless crimes cops have to engage people over.

Cops are deadly stressed and scared because they never know who’s going to shoot them… as they pull people over to humiliate, harass, attack and exploit with bullshit tickets all day.

Your tax dollars would keep you a lot safer if the government paid for everyone’s groceries instead of putting patrol cars on every street.

Every soldier who ever died, died in vain every time a cop punishes a taxpayer for a victimless crime.

If America is the land of the free, then those must be freedom fines, freedom fees and freedom tickets I keep getting.

America has a drug epidemic because it has a hopelessness epidemic, which is made much worse by drug laws.

Sending people to jail for using drugs is like shooting them in the face to protect them from shooting themselves in the foot.

A good guy wouldn’t destroy someone’s life because they own a plant, but any cop would.

The TSA would help more people if it sold its scanners and bought farmland and paid its staff to farm and give free food to the poor.

The NSA wished Americans a happy Independence Day yesterday on Twitter. No need to tell them what you wished for. They already know.

I wonder how many homes and gardens could have been built with the money America has spent spying on its citizens.

 

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Tweets by The Wise Sloth #25: War, Military Industrial Complex and Soldiers

Cartoon image of a sloth sitting on a mountain top. He is wearing a yellow robe. His head is bowed with his eyes shut, and beams of light shine from around his head. With his left arm, he is holding one finger in the air. Above him are the words, "Tweets by The Wise Sloth."

America has over a million prisoners working in sweatshops (mostly nonviolent drug offenders), who all wish someone was fighting for their freedom.

American CEOs and investors tend to profit far more than American workers each time America goes to war.

Debt hurts more Americans than drugs and terrorism combined. If there were a war on debt, the American government would fight on debt’s side.

If you join the military, never forget that you’re fighting to defend a minimum wage that’s half the living wage.

On Memorial Day we remember all the striking workers shot by the National Guard and law-abiding citizens shot by the police… or not.

Not being able to afford to survive is a more imminent threat to Americans than terrorism. The source of that problem is in Washington DC.

America’s military will fight anyone who tries to take away Americans’ freedoms… everyone except employers. Then they back ’em.

As a veteran, I feel sick and guilty when Americans thank me for “fighting” for their freedom. They lost freedoms on my watch.

It takes every cop and soldier working together with the best of intentions to prop up a corrupt government.

It’s not mature to learn how to follow orders if you’re taught to obey psychopathic, sociopathic, greedy, megalomaniac, idiot leaders.

Let’s everyone (except the homeless, prisoners, soldiers, slaves, refugees, and terminally ill) celebrate another apocalypse-free year.

Think about this before enlisting. American presidents, the commander in chiefs of the military, are as synonymous with dishonesty as American military recruiters.

It doesn’t matter if America is the world’s police, if it’s the main importer of sweatshop goods and exporter of sweatshop jobs.

Smart men started the war in Iraq, which only accomplished destabilizing the Middle East. Makes you wonder if that was the whole point.

Either the Iraq war was started by dumb people screwing up or smart people being evil. Either way, America needs a better political system.

How to solve all the crises in the Middle East: Every country pays into a fund to turn the Middle East into the world’s largest farm.

If Palestinians were gorillas, America would be sending its children to save them.

Our soldiers have been protecting our freedoms by killing foreign goat herders while our police and politicians take our freedoms away.

The solution to Middle East terrorism=build sustainable infrastructure that makes life not suck so bad residents would rather kill than live.

Most of the largest nations in the world have troops fighting in the Middle East. Isn’t that the definition of World War 3?

 

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Tweets by The Wise Sloth #26: Social Justice Warriors, Radical Feminism, Fat Acceptance and Political Correctness

Cartoon image of a sloth sitting on a mountain top. He is wearing a yellow robe. His head is bowed with his eyes shut, and beams of light shine from around his head. With his left arm, he is holding one finger in the air. Above him are the words, "Tweets by The Wise Sloth."

There are more white men in the tech industry for the same reason there are more white men at Weird Al Yancovic concerts.

Our culture is a patriarchy designed to oppress and degrade women, said no florist on Valentine’s Day ever.

Expect a man to do recurring yard work and nobody bats an eye. Expect a woman to do any housework and everybody loses their mind.

Feminism had me at gender equality but lost me at kill all the white men.

We need yard work appreciation day, where he who does all the yard work relaxes while his family experiences his pain for one day each year.

It’s not male politicians holding women’s liberation back. It’s religious politicians.

Masculinity is toxic, said no feminist to their mechanics, plumbers, or soldiers ever.

The statement, “The more money you have, the better life is,” is truer than the statement, “The more male you are, the better life is.”

Google’s tech staff isn’t diverse for the same reason America’s World of Warcraft guilds aren’t. It’s not because white nerds are bigots.

There aren’t more women in the tech industry for the same reason there aren’t more women in live action role playing tournaments.

Don’t bitch out a white person or man for having white privilege or male privilege until you’ve bitched out a white, homeless veteran.

We promote and incentivize women getting in STEM fields for equality, but where’s the push for gender equality in all the most deadly jobs?

In 1993 John Grey said, “Men are from Mars, women are from Venus,” and got rich. In 2017 James Damore said the same thing and got demonized.

Demanding that the 1% pay reparations to the poor would be more accurate than demanding white men pay reparations to everyone.

I don’t want a white history month, but if we’re going to have a double standard, let’s admit it officially with a white bashing month.

Anyone pissed about white privilege would have their jealousy cured by spending a week living with me in my trailer by the train tracks.

The statement, “The more money you have, the better life is,” is truer than the statement, “The more white you are, the better life is.”

The world is not divided into #blacklivesmatter and #whitelivesmatter, but between #poorlivesmatter and #richlivesmatter.

Social justice warriors have given us 50 names for sexual orientations, but if you put anyone alone on an island for the rest of their life with anything, they’ll fuck it.

We can accept you being fat, but no amount of social justice awareness can convince your organs to.

Everyone deserves respect, but the fat acceptance movement is morally equivalent to a smoker’s acceptance movement.

If you’re enrolled in a liberal arts college and can afford to protest, you’re in the top 10% of most privileged people in the world.

Imagine if social justice warriors put as much effort into fighting hunger, homelessness and slavery as they do sheltering their feelings.

The pickier of an eater you are, the more privileged your life must be.

The more worried you are what labels other people use, the more likely you’re too privileged to know the war the rich are waging on the poor.

The longer you complain about being a victim, but have no plan to fix anything, the more likely you just have a delusional victim complex.

Radical feminists most likely to angrily demand more empowered female leads in movies, are most likely to play the victim card in real life.

No female politician is “for women’s rights” as long as it’s illegal for women to take their shirt off.

If anyone gives a fuck about your feelings, you’re one of the most privileged people on Earth.

If everyone’s emotions were valid, there’d be no psychologists. None of us are finished growing. We’re all incomplete. Get over it, and get on with growing yourself up.

More people bitch louder about tiny injustices, than they do about the big injustices from which the little ones stem.

No superpower would attack America while it’s embroiled in a thousand civil wars. Why kill the eagle if you can wait for it to eat itself?

Every social justice warrior’s posts on social media are made on devices invented by men, assembled by slaves, bought from capitalists.

Lucky for me, living in the ghetto shelters me from meeting anyone pretentious enough to tell a complete stranger to check their privilege.

It might save the world if everyone criticizes three things about their group every time they criticize one thing about another group.

Radical SJWs and feminists need to embrace Abraham Lincoln’s words, “Do I not destroy my enemies when I make them my friends?”

If we protect people from hunger as zealously as we protect them from having their feelings hurt, we’d all love life and probably each other.

Just once I’d like to hear an American president tell all Americans to not act like victims and throw tantrums when their flaws are exposed.

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