My theory on why so many women have rape fantasies

I was raised in the Bible Belt where women hid their sexuality under poker faces and bland dresses. Growing up watching Disney movies, I came to the conclusion that women were basically asexual and would only consent to sex reluctantly after thousands of hours of a man begging and bribing her. Even then, women only wanted men to make sweet, tender, passionate love to them.

In my twenties, it came as a huge shock to learn women actually have strong sex drives, and they often prefer hard, pounding, ravishing sex over vanilla love making. In my thirties, I read a stack of psychology books about female sexuality and was even more surprised to learn that between 3090 percent of women have recurring rape fantasies despite the fact that most of them feel profound guilt about it. This made me seriously question why so many women have rape fantasies.

Some feminists explain this mystery by saying we live in a rape culture, where “rape is pervasive and normalized due to societal attitudes about gender and sexuality.” I disagree with this theory, because even though we definitely live in a sex-culture, you’d have to have a victim complex as bad as the person below not to see that rape is overwhelmingly shunned by society.

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Psychologists have offered the explanation that rape fantasies are a way for women to imagine having sex without the shame of feeling like a slut. This explanation makes more sense. Despite how much sex we’re exposed to in the media, slut shaming is still a thing. When people are sexually repressed, they find creative ways to indulge their sexuality. However, promiscuous and prudish women both have rape fantasies, which leads me to the conclusion that rape fantasies are caused more by nature than nurture.

My theory is that rape fantasies stem from Darwinism. Having sex and marrying for love is a relatively new cultural norm. For most of human history, women have been forced into marriages through slavery and arranged marriages where they had to have sex with a man they didn’t choose. Outside of marriage, it’s fair to assume billions of children have been born from women being raped in the streets and in wars. It’s even a cliché that in the cave man days, if a man wanted a woman, he bonked her on the head with a club and raped her.

Basically, the survival of the human race up until modern times, has been achieved largely by rape. You and I don’t like the sound of that, but our DNA is amoral; it will reinforce whatever behavior ensures the survival of a species by encoding past behaviors in itself and passing them down through generations as instincts.

I’m not saying women are born victims who want to be raped any more than I believe men are born closet rapists who spend their lives struggling to hold back the overwhelming urge to abuse women, like this guy seems to think:

I’m not saying rape is natural or defensible in any way. All I’m saying is our ancestors’ fucked up experiences conditioned us to have fucked up thoughts. I’m not proud of this. I don’t want it to be true. It’s just the most logical explanation I’ve found that concisely explains why men tend to be sexually aggressive and women tend to fantasize about sexually aggressive men and prefer ravenous sex over Prince Charming sex.

We’re more than the sum of our sex drive. A strand of DNA is six feet long. It contains more instructions than the vestiges of our ancestors’ sexual experiences. Our brains are cosmic super computers capable of consciousness, awareness of others, logic, empathy, and a bagillion other positive, empowering abilities and predispositions.

We’re biological machines that are designed to survive, and let’s be honest, our rocky evolution has left us with more than a few quirky subconscious features that conflict with our higher level thinking. Everyone has thought of killing someone. Most people have even fantasized about it at length. Everyone watches movies that allow them to live vicariously through imaginary characters who spend their lives unapologetically killing, stealing, cheating and screwing. Women fantasize about rape for the same reason everyone fantasizes about stealing a million dollars. The two day dreams are functionally and morally equivalent.

In your lifetime, you’re going to think an astronomical number of thoughts. Every consecutive thought you have, builds on the previous one. As you think through every subject you know about, inevitably, you’re going to reach some thoughts that are a lot farther out there than you believed yourself capable of. Some of these thoughts will be genius, and some will be illegal.

That’s okay. You’re a sentient computer processing information. That’s what you do. The point is to think through everything enough to make the most productive decisions in your real life. As long as you have enough common sense and respect for life not to act on your wildest passing musings, there’s no reason you should limit what you think about or hate yourself for it.

If fantasizing about getting gang banged helps you get through the morning, enjoy it like a good cup of coffee. Before you feel guilty of what other people would think, trust me, everyone has masturbated to thinking about something that would shock your socks off.

Here are some other blogs I wrote about sexuality: 

Sex Positions and Techniques

Dating and Relationships

Philosophy of Sexuality


What I think about Satan

One of my readers E-mailed me recently and asked what I thought about Satan. This was my response:

“I don’t think much about Satan, but I did write a comic about Satanism, which says a lot about how I feel about Satan:

This Was Your Life: The Satanist

The Bible is full of enigmas like Satan that theologians could study and argue about for centuries, but in the end, since the Bible is mythology, devoting one’s time to studying and talking about Satan is tantamount to obsessing over Hades in Greek mythology. You might be able to gleam some moral truths out of the stories, but psychology and logic are far better tools for measuring morality.

My Secular Theory on Ethics

Another Attempt at Explaining my Theory on Ethics

Since you asked though, I will say that I always found the idea of Satan illogical. I know the Bible says the wisdom of man is foolishness and God is unknowable, and I used to believe those “truths.” But even then, the idea of Satan seemed suspicious. An all powerful God wouldn’t choose or need to create an all-evil creature and give it leeway to mislead God’s most precious creation into needless eternal torture.

Some people say Satan and Hell are just the lack of God, but the Bible seems to indicate Satan was a specific individual who God sent to live in exile, which sounds a lot like a story you’d read in Greek mythology.

It’s possible the word “Satan” just means “bad guy,” similar to how the virgin Mary may have just been a young woman, and we’ve been taking these mis-translations too seriously. Frankly, at the end of the day, the Bible is about as clear about what Satan is, as it is on what the Holy Trinity is. There’s just not enough information to make sense out of either of them. You can come up with a lot of good sounding theories, but ultimately, they’re all just conspiracy theories you either heard or made up.

I identify as an agnostic theist. So not only do I concede the possibility of something existing in the universe that fits some definition of God, I’m also pretty impressed by the evidence, which I explain in this blog:

An Agnostic Take on Intelligent Design

When I look at the stars or diagrams of atoms, I see a grand design so elegant, it has a one-in-infinity chance of existing on accident. Scientific laws look like God’s thumb print to me, and the universe we live in provides for us, but it doesn’t play favorites or hold grudges. The universe is an impartial and perfect machine. If God’s creation is any reflection of God’s nature, God wouldn’t choose or need to create anything resembling Satan.

The only person who would invent Satan, or at least the idea of Satan, is a human being who wants to design a theocracy that controls its civilian population by indoctrinating them into believing a mentally and physically abusive mythological state-religion. In other words, the most logical explanation of Satan is that he’s a boogeyman invented to scare children into ostensibly obeying God, but in practice, they’re obeying the leaders of the theocracy.

The Jewish leaders who wrote the Torah would be amazed to see how their state-sponsored boogeyman spread around the world via knock-off versions of their mythology and then diffused into other cultures, creating new hybrid mythologies. I wonder if they’d do it again, knowing how their cult would spread and come back to haunt the nation of Israel.

Ironically, the lesson to be learned from their mistake is that actions have consequences in this life. If that much is true, it sets a precedent that actions could have consequences after death. I fear I may have to pay the piper for some of the things I’ve done, but again, I see nothing in the universe that makes me believe its creator would needlessly torture any of its creations for eternity, let alone appoint one of his exiled rivals as the ruler of Pain Land.

Even if I had done something as morally reprehensible as writing a viral mythology to brainwash people into following and obeying me, I’m confident the universe is reasonable. It’ll more likely give me what I need, than take out its anger on me.

In summary, there is no Satan. If there is a God, it’s not Yahweh, and we’re in the best position we can be to hope for the best.”

If you liked this post, you may like these: 

The Bible is mythology

Christianity is bad for you and society

Churches and Christian Culture


Tweets by The Wise Sloth: Feb 2017-April 2017

  • My entire life I haven’t been waiting to see what problem my president solves next, I’ve been waiting to see what problem he creates next.
  • Watching the Teenage Mutant Ninja turtles growing up, it always confused me that the smartest member of the team wasn’t the leader.
  • Bruce Wayne should have hired 10,000 mercenaries and a wise council to fight evil instead of spending millions on a one-man vigilante fetish
  • “Teaching kids that the Earth is 6k years old is like teaching them that the distance across the United States is 17 feet.” Lawrence Krauss (paraphrased)
  • The more you tell yourself the world is on your shoulders, the more it will feel like it.
  • It might save the world if everyone criticizes three things about their group every time they criticize one thing about another group.
  • If your plan to fight poverty involves making the rich, richer, you don’t understand economics.
  • Moderate Americans and Muslims should strategize to redouble their efforts to educate their extreme members instead of passively enabling them
  • It baffles me how people absorb news and wisdom from around the world on phones, then use the same apps to say technology is tearing us apart.
  • You can tell the size of someone’s weed habit by the size of their grinder.

  • Just once I’d like to hear an American president tell all Americans to not act like victims and throw tantrums when their flaws are exposed.
  • The road to bankruptcy and debt is paved with “opportunities of a lifetime.”
  • America’s education system is so broken, it would be better to go 100% digital and close all brick and mortar schools.
  • The more rules you have to follow that stress you out, the more likely your soldiers and/or politicians must be failing at their job.
  • The more often and intensely you’re afraid of accidentally or unintentionally breaking the law, the more likely you live in a police state.
  • It baffles me that in 2017 there are still people who believe politicians care about what people who haven’t given them money think.
  • If you believe your bank cares about you, you’re wildly mistaken. Their job isn’t to help you get money. Their job is to take your money.
  • We need yard work appreciation day, where he who does all the yard work relaxes while his family experiences his pain for one day each year.
  • Most self-help, motivation and leadership books either teach how to be a more enthusiastic slave or slaver.
  • I want an app that calculates the shortest path and with the least amount of turns to mow your lawn.
  • “Convictions are more dangerous enemies of truth than lies. It’s your convictions that make you vulnerable to lies.”
  • “If the same kind of thing keeps happening to you over and over, it’s probably not other people or random chance.”

  • I love how freedom of religion prevents oppression but hate how much it’s used to justify oppressing those who want to be free from religion
  • I bet most people in North Korea don’t put any stock in the book, “The Secret.”
  • “The most dangerous lie is the one closest to the truth.”
  • If the Easter Bunny were a unicorn, we wouldn’t celebrate Easter, because it would force us to confront the fact that we celebrate mythology
  • You’d think humans would have learned by now, when a politician asks for more power, it’s for their benefit, at your expense.
  • Either all your exes are jerks or nobody wants to stay with a spoiled brat who throws hate-tantrums every time you don’t get what you want.
  • Radical SJWs and feminists need to embrace Abraham Lincoln’s words, “Do I not destroy my enemies when I make them my friends?”
  • Americans need licenses to do anything but go to church. As long as that line isn’t crossed, we accept having to apply/pay for our freedoms.
  • I wish Americans were as concerned with the freedom to buy medicine without a prescription as they are about freedom of religion.
  • It would solve so many problems later in life if schools taught children how to take a hint.
  • “A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at him.”David Brinkley
  • “People who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those who are doing it.” Unknown
  • The attitude you have as a parent is what your kids will learn from more than what you tell them.” Jim Henson
  • The only thing that overcomes hard luck is hard work.” Harry Golden
  • Just once I’d like to hear America’s celebrity doctors say America’s health care system could be fixed by doctors boycotting insurance.

  • You cross a line and do something to your soul when you wear sweat pants to a strip club.
  • You can’t pretend you’re not old anymore after you start meeting kids who are too young to remember the things that defined your childhood.
  • The more you find yourself telling people to give your hero a second chance, the more likely you should give your hero a second look.
  • The more passionately you support any American politician, the more you should doubt your objectivity and double check you’re not wrong.
  • Americans have proven they can’t protest without rioting. It’s about time they try something different.
  • There tends to be an inverse correlation between the amount of time you spend complaining and the amount of time you spend doing something.
  • Just because someone says something you disagree with, that doesn’t mean they’re against you. They may just be for facts, and you’re wrong.
  • “The real problem of humanity … we have Palaeolithic emotions; medieval institutions; and godlike technology.”
  • I wish humanity was as passionate about devoting resources to emigrating off Earth as we are stopping people from immigrating around Earth.
  • “We will not believe more than we know, and we will not live higher than our beliefs.”
  • When Christians say they don’t know or believe the Bible unambiguously approves of slavery, I assume they’re totally Biblically illiterate.
  • It’s baffling how many parents give their children religious books they’ve never read as their primary instruction book on life.
  • It’s baffling how few parents have written instruction books for life to give to their children.
  • Every time you watch a TV commercial, you get dumber.
  • If you still trust American news stations after the 2016 POTUS election, your standards of journalistic ethics are catastrophically low.
  • Wisdom is too important to wait for it to fall into your lap. Not constantly seeking/collecting it is how you stay an idiot your whole life.
  • If you can’t make yourself happy, you will inevitably make your lover miserable.
  • There are two types of rules: 1. Time-tested best practices for accomplishing a goal 2. Bullshit someone made up to control others

  • The longer you complain about being a victim, but have no plan to fix anything, the more likely you just have a delusional victim complex.
  • Give Trump a chance, they said. Every chance he’s had, he proved his worst critics right. How many more chances does he get?
  • America would be a very different place if Trump’s supporters were as critical of him as they were of Obama.
  • Trump bombed Syria for using WMDs. Then he uses a MOAB in Afghanistan, which has never been used because it fits the criteria of a WMD.
  • The quickest way to piss off someone in a cult is to tell them they’re in a cult.
  • Schools should have classes that teach you how/why not to throw tantrums when you don’t get what you want.
  • The easiest way to distract Americans is to make a controversial, heart-wrenching human interest story go viral.
  • A guy getting kicked off an overbooked flight is not the most important thing happening today and not what everyone should be talking about.
  • Aliens would be baffled by how much comedy humans watch on TV while our world is dying from wars, corruption, atrocities, oppression and waste

  • Proving to people you’re right all the time is more likely a symptom of your insecurity and shortsightedness than strength and genius.
  • Politicians and soldiers should be as concerned about protecting us from insurance companies as they are about protecting us from terrorists
  • If politicians could be dishonorably discharged for negligence, bad conduct and crime, all of America’s congress would qualify for one.
  • Just once I’d like to hear a politician advocate setting limits to how many laws a politician can break before being dishonorably discharged
  • “The price of originality is criticism. The value of originality is priceless.”
  • American culture teaches children to question how things have always been done almost as much as it teaches them traditions are sacrosanct.
  • Just once I’d like to hear a politician talk about the need for grocery store reform because the system we got is creating obesity and poverty
  • Masculinity is toxic, said no feminist to their mechanics, plumbers, or soldiers ever.
  • Congressmen/women, who are picked by voters in single states, get to decide laws that affect every other state. Totally defeats the purpose.
  • At least once in my life, I’d like to hear a politician say voters should have the ability to veto politicians out of office by popular vote.
  • The reason cheerleaders exist is to cover up the fact that sports are boring.
  • If massage therapists have to do continuing education to keep their job, so should Congress.
  • My high school history teacher once told my class America was founded by criminals, slaves and religious freaks. It seems nothing has changed.
  • Growing experiences tend to come with growing pains. Accept it. Embrace it. Get on with it.

  • When a woman complains to you about a problem, don’t offer solutions and rationalizations. Just actively listen. All you have to do is wait.
  • Writers have two choices: 1. Write about the most important topics they can. 2. Write things that distract people from more important topics
  • The angrier the poor get at the rich, the more the media tells them to be angry at another group of people.
  • If you believe there’s a liberal conspiracy to destroy America, the problem is you believe anything any fear-peddling shock jock sells you.
  • Knowledge is knowing the right answers. Wisdom is asking the right questions.
  • Rod Serling’s monologs in “The Twilight Zone” tend to make as much sense as The Ultimate Warrior’s monologs in the WWF.

  • Your job is more of an opportunity for your employer than for you.
  • Women, you can’t make your boyfriend or husband better by bitching at him. You can only do that by loving, supporting and building him up.
  • Anyone pissed about white privilege would have their jealousy cured by spending a week living with me in my trailer by the train tracks.
  • The more times you’ve justified beating someone smaller than you, the more likely you’re a god damn ass hole.
  • The more attention you pay to sports, the less important things you learn or act on.
  • Neither God or our ancestors would be proud of how our economy is designed to fuck people harder, the poorer they are.
  • No matter where you live, if you’re proud of being in the majority, you’re probably proud of being a gullible, surface-thinking idiot.
  • If there are an infinite number of universes, then there’s a universe out there somewhere where each of us have had sex with Bill Nye.
  • Some people are confident in social situations because they practice success. Other people are confident because they just don’t give a fuck
  • If you’re hyperactive and can’t stay still, and you don’t have a hobby, you’re leaving money and meaning on the table.
  • If Putin helped Trump win the election, it was probably more to help America fail than to help Trump succeed.
  • I wish the Republican Party would stop putting on pretenses and just change their name to the Fox News Party.
  • When someone asks for forgiveness for something they’re not really sorry for, they’re really asking for permission.
  • Trump could improve his approval rating quicker and easier by solving a few simple real problems than by grandstanding and sideshowing.

 

  • Today’s excuses become tomorrow’s regrets.
  • How do you create 1 rich person? By creating 10 poor people.
  • I wonder how many homes and gardens could have been built with the money America has spent spying on its citizens.
  • As long as there are for-profit prisons, ticket quotas and a war on drugs, there are no good cops, only accomplices to crime at best.
  • If you contradict everything I say, I’m going to give up trying to talk to you.
  • Despite what their advertisements and website say, anyone who would charge you 30% interest is not your friend.
  • If we protect people from hunger as zealously as we protect them from having their feelings hurt, we’d all love life and probably each other.
  • Elton John’s music would have been more interesting if he was goth.
  • We promote and incentivize women getting in STEM fields for equality, but where’s the push for gender equality in all the most deadly jobs?
  • Luckily, in America, the First Amendment allows you to speak freely about all your other rights the RNC and DNC are constantly taking away.
  • Every month hundreds of millions of Americans celebrate their freedom by living paycheck to paycheck.
  • Life according to conservativism: Blindly defending Democrats = sheep. Blindly defending Republicans = patriot. Not defending either = slacker
  • Just once I wish someone watching reality TV would drop their head in their hands and mumble, “Fuck. I’m what’s wrong with this world.”

  • Every year Americans celebrate their freedom by paying hundreds of dollars to renew their professional licenses that arbitrarily expired.
  • It’s ironic when Muslims say Islam is a religion of peace, since Muslim extremists have killed more Muslims than non-Muslims by magnitudes.
  • The dumber the individual, the dumber the whole. We all have a personal and civic responsibility to not be stupid.
  • The more emotional a news host is, the more likely they’re a shock jock.
  • American presidents are as synonymous with dishonesty as American military recruiters are.
  • Whatever your favorite radio DJ personalities are most excited about, you should not be.
  • For some reason, people hate it when you wear black shoes with a brown belt or visa/versa. It doesn’t make any sense, but be prepared for it
  • The statement, “The more money you have, the better life is,” is more true than the statement, “The more male you are, the better life is.”
  • The statement, “The more money you have, the better life is,” is more true than the statement, “The more white you are, the better life is.”
  • The angrier and more frightened watching the news makes you, the less likely you’re watching real journalistic new reporting.
  • If your plan to make the world better is to kill, incarcerate or deport all the bad guys, you’re probably one of the bad guys.

 


This Was Your Life: Two Social Justice Warriors

This is the 30th episode in an ongoing series in which Loki and his supernatural friends taunt the recently deceased at the gate to the afterlife.  

sjw small

See who else Loki and his friends have taunted:


Plot break down: Good Will Hunting

In my ongoing quest to understand film script plot structure, I’ve broken down the plot of Good Will Hunting. My notes are my interpretation of the story. Matt Damon and Ben Affleck surely didn’t break it down exactly as I did, but my version will still give you a functional understanding of film structure. If you look at my break downs of Avatar or Back to the Future, you’ll notice the formats are slightly different. This is partly because I’m experimenting to find the best way to break movies down, but it’s also because there is no one right way to approach structuring a plot. The trick is to find a method that works for you.

For example, Good Will Hunting has 83 beats. Avatar has 101 beats, and Back to the Future has 39. I define a “beat” as an action sequence where a character engages in a conflict or opportunity. The sequence always includes a setup, catalyst, response and outcome. The conflict is usually between two characters, but as my break down of the first episode of the Twilight Zone shows, the conflict can be between the hero and the absence of other characters.

One thing that is consistent in all three of these movies is that about every 10 beats there’s a major conflict that changes the course of the plot. I refer to these 10-block chunks as Acts. Using this formula, Good Will Hunting has 8 Acts, Avatar has 10, and Back to the Future has 5. I refer to the final beat of an Act as the “threshold beat,” because once the hero crosses the threshold, there’s no going back.

In my breakdown of Back to the Future, I divided the storylines using the traditional “A-story, B-story and C-story” method. In my analysis of Good Will Hunting, I divided the beats into “quest chains” instead. I define quest chains as a series of beats in which a character is trying to accomplish a goal. Using this formula, Good Will Hunting has 11 quest chains. For your convenience, I’ve included a summary of the Acts, quest chains, and main characters at the beginning of my break down.

I only pasted my notes on the first two Acts of Good Will Hunting to this web page, because the whole document is 40 pages long, but you can download a Word document of the entire break down by clicking the link below. If you use the “find and replace” function in Word, you can change the names and tweak the story to make it your own to practice story structure.

View the original script on IMSDB.com

Download a complete Word document of the Good Will Hunting break down

Download a complete PDF document of the Good Will Hunting break down

CHARACTERS

Hero: Will

Hero’s signature strength: Genius

Hero’s signature flaw: Won’t leave his comfort zone

Hero’s life goal #1: Stay in a state of arrested development

Hero’s life goal #2: Be genius

 

Hero’s antagonist: Lambeau

Hero’s mentor: Sean

Hero’s best Friend: Chuckie

Hero’s love interest: Skylar

One-off bad guys:

Clark: An opponent who thinks he has more of the hero’s signature strength than the hero does, but the hero proves his mastery of their signature strengths is greater.

Judge: An authority figure who has the power to punish the hero for his signature flaw and is in a position to be swayed by the Antagonist.

Bobby Champa: An opponent the hero wants to fight, who is tailor made to receive the wrath of the hero’s flaw.

 

QUEST CHAINS

Quest chain 1: Will wants to stay in a state of arrested development. (61 beats)

Quest chain 2 : Lambeau wants to find the next big genius (14 beats)

Quest chain 3: Will and Chuckie want to be best friends (25 beats)

Quest chain 4: Will and Skylar want to fall in love (31 beats)

Quest chain 5: Sean wants to stay in a state of arrested development(19 beats)

Quest chain 6: Will wants to stay out of jail. (30 beats)

Quest chain 7: Will wants to use his genius (10 beats)

Quest chain 8: Will wants to meet with Lambeau for math mentoring (8 beats)

Quest chain 9: Will wants to meet with a therapist for life mentoring (20 beats)

Quest chain 10: Lambeau wants to exploit Will (9 beats)

Quest chain 11: Will needs a real job. (18 beats)

 

ACTS

Act 1: Beats 1-12

Introduce all the main characters and give them each a strength, flaw and goal.

Act 2: Beats 13-22

The antagonist hunts for the hero while the hero meets his love interest.

Act 3: Beats 23-30

The antagonist traps the hero, and the hero fights back.

Act 4: Beats 31-39

The antagonist recruits a mentor for the hero, whom the hero rejects while getting closer to his love interest.

Act 5: Beats 40-51

The hero pulls away from the quest he should be on, but he’s no longer satisfied with his old life.

Act 6: Beats 52-59

The hero applies himself to his quest but pulls away again when he starts to make progress.

Act 7: Beats 60-73

With pressure mounting, the hero rides the fence and is even less satisfied with his old life. His allies finally help him overcome his signature flaw.

Act 8: Beats 74-83

Denouement

 

BEAT 1

Summary:

Will and his friends sit at a bar telling jokes and laughing.

 

Beat Functions:

Prologue

Introduce the hero

Introduce the hero’s goal

Introduce the hero’s flaw

Introduce the setting

Introduce the hero’s allies

Demonstration of character

Metaphor for the hero’s life

Begin Quest chain 1.

 

Quest chain 1: Will wants to stay in a state of arrested development.

Step 1: Introduction

 

BEAT 2

Summary:

Will is reading books at home while waiting to get picked up for work by Chuckie.        .

 

Beat Functions:

Introduce hero’s signature strength (Genius)

Introduce hero’s signature weakness (Won’t leave his comfort zone.)

Introduce hero’s home

Introduce here’s life goal #1 (Stay in a state of arrested development.)

Introduce hero’s life goal #2 (Be genius.)

 

Quest chain 1: Will wants to stay in a state of arrested development.

Step 2: Demonstrate how the hero is accomplishing his goals (Self-study and working a menial job)

Quest chain 3: Will and Chuckie want to be best friends

Step 1: Introduce Will and Chuckie’s routine

Quest chain 7: Will wants to use his genius

Step 1: Prologue

 

BEAT 3

Summary:

Lambeau challenges his students to solve an advanced math problem.

 

Beat Functions:

Introduce the antagonist

Backstory/setup of Quest Chain #1’s  inciting incident

Begin Quest chain 2.

 

Quest chain 2 : Lambeau wants to find the next big genius

Step 1: Introduction

Quest chain 7: Will wants to use his genius

Step 2: Antagonist creates an opportunity for the hero

 

BEAT 4

Summary:

Will and Chuckie goof around at their favorite hangout spot and make plans to go to a Harvard bar.

 

Beat Functions:

Begin Quest Chain 4.

Character development

 

Quest chain 1: Will wants to stay in a state of arrested development.

Step 3: Will’s normal life

Quest chain 3: Will and Chuckie want to be best friends

Step 2: Will’s normal life

Quest chain 4: Will and Skylar want to fall in love

Step 1: Prologue/setup to meeting Skylar

 

BEAT 5

Summary:

Sean sits on his roof looking morose, avoiding going to his college reunion.

 

Beat Functions:

Introduce the mentor

Establish mentor and antagonist as foils of each other

Begin Quest chain 5.

 

Quest chain 5: Sean wants to stay in a state of arrested development

Step 1: Introduction

 

BEAT 6

Summary:

At his class reunion, Lambeau’s students tell him someone has solved his math challenge.

 

Beat Functions:

Progress Quest chain 2

 

Quest chain 2 : Lambeau wants to find the next big genius

Step 2: Setup Lambeau discovering Will

Quest chain 7: Will wants to use his genius

Step 3: Will has used his genius secretly

 

BEAT 7

Summary:

Will and his team goof off and see Bobby Champa, a person who beat up Will in the past. (metaphor for Will’s father)

 

Beat Functions:

Setup to Will’s arrest

Demonstrate Will’s flaw (misplaced anger)

Introduce a little of Will’s backstory of abuse

 

Quest chain 1: Will wants to stay in a state of arrested development.

Step 4: Show will’s flaw holding him back

Quest chain 3: Will and Chuckie want to be best friends

Step 3: More of Will’s normal life

 

BEAT 8

Summary:

Lambeau tries and fails to find out who solved his math challenge by searching among his students in the hallway of MIT. Then he issues a new challenge.

 

Beat Functions:

Antagonist fails to achieve his goal. (find the next big genius)

Antagonist creates a new, escalated challenge.

 

Quest chain 2 : Lambeau wants to find the next big genius

Step 3: Fail first attempt. Begin second attempt.

Quest chain 7: Will wants to use his genius

Step 4: Antagonist creates a new challenge for Will.

 

BEAT 9

Summary:

Will, Chuckie, Morgan and Billy ride in Chuckie’s Cadillac talking about first world poor people’s problems.

 

Beat Functions:

Setup Will getting arrested

Character development

 

Quest chain 1: Will wants to stay in a state of arrested development.

Step 5: Show will’s flaw holding him back

Quest chain 3: Will and Chuckie want to be best friends

Step 4: More of Will’s normal life

 

BEAT 10

Summary:

Chuckie convinces Morgan to backup Will in a fight.

 

Beat Functions:

Character development

 

Quest chain 3: Will and Chuckie want to be best friends

Step 5: Chuckie demonstrates he’ll do anything for Will.

 

BEAT 11

Summary:

Will, Chuckie, Billy and Morgan fight Bobby Champa and his crew, ending with Will being arrested

 

Beat Functions:

Fight scene

Act 1 threshold

 

Quest chain 1: Will wants to stay in a state of arrested development.

Step 6: Will demonstrates he can’t control his flaw , and it is destroying his life.

Quest chain 3: Will and Chuckie want to be best friends

Step 6: Chuckie continues to demonstrates he’ll do anything for Will.

 

BEAT 12

Summary:

Sean sits morose on his roof having skipped his class reunion.

 

Beat Functions:

Demonstrate mentor’s flaw (arrested development)

 

Quest chain 5: Sean wants to stay in a state of arrested development

Step 2: Sean fails to confront the past, which is holding him back.

 

BEAT 13

Summary:

Chuckie picks up Will from the courthouse after being arrested.

 

Beat Functions:

Begin Quest chain 6

 

Quest chain 1: Will wants to stay in a state of arrested development.

Step 7: Will suffers the consequences of his failure at the end of Act 1.

Quest chain 3: Will and Chuckie want to be best friends

Step 7: Chuckie helps Will while enabling his self-destructive behavior.

Quest chain 6: Will wants to stay out of jail.

Step 1: Introduction

 

BEAT 14

Summary:

Lambeau and his students gather in class to learn who solved the second math challenge. They fail to achieve their goal. Lambeau creates a new goal for Will.

 

Beat Functions:

Antagonist fails his second attempt.

Antagonist begins new, escalated attempt.

 

Quest chain 2 : Lambeau wants to find the next big genius

Step 4: Fail second attempt. Begin third attempt.

Quest chain 7: Will wants to use his genius

Step 5: Will has used his genius in secret again, and the antagonist creates a new challenge for him.

 

BEAT 15

Summary:

Lambeau catches Will solving the third math challenge, but Will runs away.

 

Beat Functions:

Hero’s refusal of the call

Antagonist makes progress in Quest chain 2

Antagonist and hero meet for the first time

Hero’s flaw negatively impacts his life again (Will feels the need to quit his job.)

 

Quest chain 1: Will wants to stay in a state of arrested development.

Step 8: Refusal of the call

Quest chain 2 : Lambeau wants to find the next big genius

Step 5: Lambeau succeeds at finding his genius, but it’s a false victory as Will runs away.

Quest chain 7: Will wants to use his genius

Step 6: Refusal of the call

 

BEAT 16

Summary:

Will, Chuckie, Billy and Morgan go to Casey’s bar as discussed in Beat 4. Will says he lost his job and Chuckie says he can get him a new job.

 

Beat Functions:

Progress in all Quest chains present

 

Quest chain 1: Will wants to stay in a state of arrested development.

Step 9: Will suffers the consequences of his refusal of the call

Quest chain 3: Will and Chuckie want to be best friends

Step 8: Chuckie helps Will while enabling his self-destructive behavior again.

Quest chain 2 : Lambeau wants to find the next big genius

Step 6: Will makes it harder for Lambeau to find him by quitting his job.

Quest chain 4: Will and Skylar want to fall in love

Step 2: Travel to where the hero will meet his Skylar

 

BEAT 17

Summary:

Chuckie hits on Skylar and Lydia at a Harvard bar.

 

Beat Functions:

Introduce Skylar

Setup for Will helping Chuckie like Chuckie has been helping Will.

 

Quest chain 3: Will and Chuckie want to be best friends

Step 9: Chuckie sets himself up for trouble in a way that Will is perfectly suited to save him.

Quest chain 4: Will and Skylar want to fall in love

Step 3: Introduce the Skylar

 

BEAT 18

Summary:

Chuckie gets humiliated intellectually by Clark.

 

Beat Functions:

Introduce a conflict for Will to demonstrate his strength and impress his Skylar

 

Quest chain 3: Will and Chuckie want to be best friends

Step 10: Chuckie’s flaw (ignorance) gets in trouble.

Quest chain 4: Will and Skylar want to fall in love

Step 4: Clark creates an opportunity for Will to impress Skylar.

 

BEAT 19

Summary:

Will saves Chuckie by humiliating Clark intellectually.

 

Beat Functions:

Demonstration of hero’s signature strength (genius)

State the stakes (Staying in arrested development leads to perpetual poverty.)

Fight scene

Act 2 threshold

 

Quest chain 1: Will wants to stay in a state of arrested development.

Step 10: Will glorifies his poverty and is reminded of the consequences

Quest chain 3: Will and Chuckie want to be best friends

Step 11: Will saves Chuckie.

Quest chain 4: Will and Skylar want to fall in love

Step 5: Will impresses Skylar

Quest chain 7: Will wants to use his genius

Step 7: Will uses his genius successfully

 

BEAT 20

Summary:

Skylar gives Will his prize for beating Act 2 threshold beat-antagonist (Clark)

 

Beat Functions:

Act 2 prize  (Skylar’s number)

Progress Will and Skylar want to fall in love

 

Quest chain 4: Will and Skylar want to fall in love

Step 6: Skylar gives Will her phone number.

 

BEAT 21

Summary:

Will taunts Clark with Skylar’s phone number.

 

Beat Functions:

Victory dance

 

Quest chain 4: Will and Skylar want to fall in love

Step 7: Will demonstrates that he’s kept Skylar’s phone number.

 

BEAT 22

Summary:

Chuckie takes Will home from the bar.

 

Beat Functions:

Transit/transition

Demonstrate the quality of Will’s life

 

Quest chain 1: Will wants to stay in a state of arrested development.

Step 11: Will returns from Harvard to his poverty stricken neighborhood

Quest chain 3: Will and Chuckie want to be best friends

Step 12: Chuckie helps Will by taking him home.

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Tales From The Wise Sloth: The Time I Got HIV

In 2005 I was a Senior Airman (rank E-4) in the U.S. Air Force. My job title was 3C0X1, aka Communications Computer Systems Operator, aka all-purpose computer nerd. I was stationed at Sembach Air Base, which is located in Southwest Germany, about a twenty minute drive from both Ramstein Air Base and the Army’s Landstuhl Medical Center.

smoke break

Since Ramstein is the largest Air Force base in Europe, and Landstuhl is the largest military hospital outside the continental United States, this is where the military sends all the wounded soldiers from the Middle East. Several times a year, Sembach would have a blood drive due to the high volume of blood needed for all the incoming wounded soldiers. I love the idea of giving blood, but every time I do, my blood spews out so fast I get light headed, nauseous and almost pass out. They always have to elevate my head and put a cold pack on my neck, which is pretty embarrassing. However, that first world problem pales in comparison to soldiers needing emergency transfusions. So I did my duty and opened my veins for my brothers and sisters.

Another reason I’m hesitant to give blood is because I had hepatitis when I was four years old. It wasn’t sexually transmitted, and I recovered from it. Multiple blood tests have shown it’s not in my system anymore. I couldn’t have enlisted if it was, but I always worried my blood might be dirty. However, this didn’t stop me from giving blood, because they test every donation for diseases. So if there was anything there, they’d catch it.

Since the military had already tested and inoculated me for everything you can be tested and inoculated for, I didn’t give my blood donation a second thought until a few weeks later when I stopped by the base post office to check my mail on my lunch break. That day I received an official letter from the military, which I had to sign for. This was highly unusual. So my heart rate was a little elevated when I opened the letter. My mind raced, trying to guess what I may have gotten in trouble for.

The news was much worse than I imagined. To my horror, the letter said my recent blood donation had tested positive for HIV, and I needed to contact the medical squadron as soon as possible to have another test done to confirm the results. By the time I finished reading the document, my head was spinning and darkness filled my peripheral vision.

I went back to work and tried to go through the rest of my day acting like nothing was wrong, but my head felt like a black hole, as if everything good had been sucked out of my life, leaving an existential vacuum in its place. Nothing mattered anymore. I was no longer working towards retirement. All of my hopes and dreams were unreachable. There was nothing left for me to do but wait to die… and give the bad news to my family, friends and most recent sexual partners.

Unable to face reality, I let a week pass without contacting the medical squadron. I walked through each day in a daze, watching what happened to me from a thousand miles away. I made a list of my sexual partners, which wasn’t long. I decided who the most likely culprit to give me this horrible disease was, a promiscuous Air Force girl from my previous base. I obsessed over who else I may have accidentally infected by having any kind of physical contact with, which I knew wasn’t possible, but my mind was stuck in panic mode.

I’d already had my last will and testament drawn up by a military lawyer a year earlier. So I didn’t have to worry about that, but I spent dozens of hours plotting my final words and trying to decide what to do with the few years I had left. As I ate tasteless food or carried on pointless small talk with my coworkers, I thought about my regrets and everything I wouldn’t get to do in the future. I didn’t try bargaining with God, because that would have been pointless. I was already a dead man walking. All I could do was make the most of my fleeting time and try to cry as little as possible. Mostly I thought about those poor souls I’d infected and needed to hurry up and pass on the tragic news to.

I didn’t want to tell anyone my secret until I knew for sure I had HIV. Lucky for them, even though I was dragging my feet, the Air Force wasn’t. A female nurse called me at work and asked if I’d received an official letter recently. I said, “Yes.” The nurse asked me what it was about, and I replied I’d rather not say out loud. I knew my boss, whose office sat caddy-corner from my desk, eavesdropped on my conversations. The nurse asked me to say the first letter of the pertinent word, and I said, “H.” After confirming she didn’t need to break the bad news to me herself, she scheduled an appointment at Ramstein a few days later for me to give more blood for further testing.

On the day of the test I told my boss I had to go to Ramstein for a routine medical checkup. Twenty minutes later I sulked into the medical clinic. As a male nurse quietly drew my blood, I asked how accurate the initial test was. He looked me in the eyes and said in a meaningful tone of voice, “Ninety-seven percent.”

I went home that night and got drunk, as I’d done every night for the past week. Even with all the lights in my apartment on, everything looked dark. It was like living in the Twilight Zone, where the rules of the universe were different for me, and not in a good way. The only ray of hope my mind could latch onto was that there had been a mistake, but I couldn’t take a three percent chance of a fluke happening seriously.  I’d have better odds of winning the lottery.

Fast forward several more months of bleakness, despair and blood tests. As fate would have it, I did win the Twilight Zone lottery. A ninety-seven percent accurate HIV test means three percent of the people who take it, win an existential nightmare that ends with them receiving a new lease on life. I’ve had more STD tests since then, and they all confirm I never had HIV. Plus, all of my sexual partners from that time are healthy and alive.

Part of my brain tells me I should be mad at the world for giving me a false death sentence, but in the end, it was a blessing in disguise. I almost feel bad for anyone who hasn’t had to go through that. It’s so easy to take life for granted and let the years slip by without really thinking about what’s important or how you should spend what little time you have on Earth. I basically got my mid-life crisis out of the way at the age of 25.

People told me I was crazy when I immigrated to New Zealand at the age of 29 despite having never visited the country. In my mind, the risk of not experiencing life to its fullest outweighed anything that could possibly go wrong. I only spent three years in New Zealand, and during that time a lot of things did go wrong, but experience has taught me, you’re not having an adventure if everything goes right. And as a wiser man than myself once said, “The summer would not be so sweet, were it not for the winter.” When bad things happen to me, and those two pieces of wisdom don’t put things into perspective, I can always remind myself, at least I don’t have AIDS.

The other thing I took away from this experience is that it’s important to leave something good behind when you inevitably die. I don’t have any money to shower the poor with, but the one thing I do have is wisdom gained through often unpleasant experiences that I don’t want to be in vain. This is a big part of why I’m in such a mad dash to write as much as I can regardless of how little it pays. I hope my blog and books inspire, enlighten and entertain you. That’s all I need to take to my grave.

P.S.

Here’s a link to a free copy of my E-book, “Why: An Agnostic Perspective on the Meaning of Life.”

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Tales From The Wise Sloth: The Time I Got Shot

When I was thirteen years old, I lived with my two brothers and my father in New Braunfels, TX. Our father was a rage-aholic who would scream at us for hours and spank us furiously with his thick, leather belt any time we broke the smallest of rules. As scary as it was living with him, my older brother was ten times worse. He was a bad seed from the day he was born. He literally stole baby bottles from the other toddlers in preschool. He tortured my twin and I emotionally and physically for years without having to worry about getting arrested for child abuse. Even though he was only thirteen months older than us, he was still too big for us to gang up on. Any time we ever did manage to hurt him in a fight, he’d go “Hulkamaniac” and pummel us, impervious to pain. We rarely told on him, because he would just beat us up twice as bad later as punishment.

One Saturday, my older brother and I were sitting in our bedroom while our father was away at work. I was happily devouring the contents of a carton of Whoppers, which was my favorite candy at the time. I was thoroughly enjoying this luxury, not even caring if I ate enough to give me a stomach ache.

Click to view image source

On the other side of the room, my older brother was playing with my Crosman 760 Pumpmaster BB gun. We all had BB guns, but mine was the most powerful. If you pumped it once or twice, you could probably shoot someone and it would bounce off the skin. If you pumped it fifteen times, you could kill a bird twenty yards away.

Click to view image source

He pumped it up seven or eight times and said, “Hey, Travis. Hold up that Whoppers carton, and let me see if I can shoot it out of your hand.”

Obviously, I told him, “No way. You’re going to hit my hand.”

He replied casually, “Let me put it to you this way, either you let me try to shoot it out of your hand, and hope I don’t hit you… or I’m going to beat you up and force you to let me do it anyway.”

Protesting or running wasn’t an option. So I reluctantly held the carton as high and far away from me as I could. I heard the gun fire, and felt my hand go flying backwards, letting go of the carton of Whoppers and spilling them everywhere.

Several thoughts went through my mind at that point. First, “Of course he shot me in the hand. He definitely did that on purpose.” Second, “I need emergency medical attention.” Third, “We can’t tell our father about this, because he’ll give us the worst whooping of our lives, ground us forever and take away our BB guns.”

With these facts in mind, I inspected my hand to see how bad I’d been injured. The BB entered the side of my palm, just below my pinky finger, and I could see a bump under my skin on the top of my hand, just below the middle finger, where the BB had come to rest.

I was relieved to see the steel ball just under the skin, because that meant I could cut it out myself by making an incision in the skin without having to dig into the muscle. Then there would be no need for an ambulance, and our father would never have to know what happened. So I went and found a pocket knife that one of us had won at a county fair earlier that year and took it to the bathroom sink, where I attempted to cut the BB out, but the pain was unbearable.

Losing blood and running out of time to fix the situation myself, I put the knife down and tried another approach, which to my surprise, actually worked. I simply pushed the BB out the way it came. With minimal effort, it popped out the side of my hand and rolled down the drain, leaving a blood trail in its path. Relieved, I put a Band-Aid over the bullet hole, wrapped myself in three heavy sleeping bags and laid under my bed for a few hours, shivering from blood loss and shock.

To this day, our father has no idea one of his children shot another one in their bedroom. It took my older brother a long time to feel guilty about what he did, but he grew up eventually, and we’re good friends now.

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